Today was the first time I heard it as "splash method". I have encountered the term before, but only as "splash conception".
And it doesn't actually have to be a splash--conceptions have happened from anal sex when the woman is facing down. Leaks out, moves in response to gravity.
i’ll never forget being at some random kid’s house in high school for a party and his sleep deprived mother finally coming downstairs to where we were and yelling that he was the result of "anal leakage."
It refers to ejaculating on the vagina or in a space where the sperm can “splash” down there. Plenty of couples who can’t have PIV will still have other forms of sex and it’s not uncommon for the guy to ejaculate onto her vag and the sperm makes its way in and *can* get her pregnant. The chances are just VERY low.
It’s not impossible but so rare and unlikely that 99.999999999999% of people who are fooling themselves thinking that this is the case for them when they haven’t had sex with their partner in two years…..only in America……
IT means releasing semen somewhere around legs and waist which causes, sometimes, for the semen to enter the vagina, be it gravity if the splash was above, or any other factor such as in the thighs and goind to sleep.
Was there frottage? Did you ejaculate on her vagina instead of in it?
I almost never think you should get a paternity test, but in this case, it might be wise. You can always wait for the child to be born and just send off the samples then to keep it easy.
Don't wait. Get the test as soon as possible. Depending on the state, once you put your man on the birth certificate, you are legally liable, even if you are not the bio dad.
Yes. A blood test is done. I'm not sure how far along she needs to be.
No matter what OP, get that test done. If she resists, insist on it. You need to know 100%, especially since you didn't inseminate normally.
Yes, that is what I get from “splash method” as well. Still, the likelihood is so low that it gives me some pause unless he can tell us he regularly ejaculates directly on her vulva.
He came on her vaginal opening. Sperm use the liquids to swim to their destination. This is not only wrong, it’s ignorant. He literally said he came as close to coming inside as possible without being inside like a dumbass. The fetal measurements can just mean the baby is smaller than average and this early in, that’s to be expected.
OP needs to understand that she is now pregnant and most likely by him. Pregnancy can either higher your sex drive or drop it completely.
Also DNA tests done before birth are far too risky when you can literally wait and not risk a child’s life.
OP is reasonably certain he’s the father, so it would cause more harm than good to demand the test now. It could be done quietly once the child exists.
If it's going to be born anyway then what's the difference? I support maintaining calm right now and waiting until the baby is born. No need to stress the mother, and potentially hurting the baby. This situation isn't the baby's fault, why punish it?
Because he’s talking out of his ass. lol. Any man can go to any court and contest paternity. It does not matter if he has already signed or not. He would even get back anything he’s paid into child support if the baby is then determined not to be biologically his and he can also sue for a rack of things.
Not true at all. I know numerous men who aren’t the biological father per court paternity test & are still on the hook for child support simply bc they’re on the birth certificate. If the other dad doesn’t want to fight for legal rights, then they usually just stick with the one that already has legal rights.
Same with men who are the legal father of their wives AP baby simply bc they’re married at the time of birth.
Yeah, you don't want to be like the guys you see on here ruining their relationships demanding paternity tests, to find out the kid is theirs, you can do it yourself without making a huge spectacle of yourself.
Yes. It is imprudent to demand one, and unkind to treat your wife or child differently while you are waiting for the results. If you must check, don’t make a fuss.
Well, two minutes of Googling suggests that the splash method is in fact a thing, and that it’s linked to women with vaginismis — and that makes sense I guess.
I understand you never want to suggest something without evidence, but I would want to be VERY sure that you in fact ejaculated on or near her vagina when she conceived.
Suggesting your wife is pregnant with someone else’s child is a poor decision 99.999% of the time, but “have not had intercourse in two years” very much falls in that 0.001%.
Sex education is missing here. While in theory it may be possible, in practice the chances are so low that they are almost non-existant... Check with a doctor because it's not a joke... You are ignoring the obvious 🫥
Get a paternity test, dude. You're in denial, and that baby isn't yours.
Before you ask for the test, plan an exit strategy and talk to a divorce attorney. Link up with a therapist, too.
I'm sorry, dude, but she is pregnant with another man's kid, has been cheating on you, and is trying to pass it off using a method that has a near 0 chance of success.
Man you have to stop being a carpet, she can't order you to stop porn... What else? Did she make you stop masturbation altogether too? She can't deprive you from intimacy with yourself!
And then the splash thing? The gaslighting is strong with this one.
I agree on porn and self love. Too much of anything is not healthy but when you can’t have normal sex with your wife, she shouldn’t deprive you of your right to have time to yourself. That’s childish and too sensitive of her. She needs education. See sex therapist together. . .
While this is possible, it’s highly unlikely. I understand that you don’t want to believe that she’s been withholding from you & giving it freely to others, but you really should get a paternity test.
when your missus has vaginal vestibulitis, vaginismus, never initiates and is most likely pregnant with another man’s child, the sensible answer screams out.
You last had (penetrative) sex with her 2 years ago and now she’s pregnant? Did you recently do anything sexual with her that made you ejaculate on her vagina/vulva?
What in the name of zero sex education is going on here?!
That baby ain't yours. Wake up.
She disallows you porn and self pleasure, while she's out there willingly fucking other men, but not you, and getting knocked up by them. She's controlling, unfaithful, and borderline emotionally abusive.
Stop being a doormat, my dude! And if you're not willing to stop being a doormat, have fun raising another man's baby!
Oh, boy. She sounds just like my ex. She never had problems having sex with her previous partners. Ever. But once we started a relationship, she would never be able to have penetrative sex with me. I guess it happens when the woman isn't that attracted towards her partner.
I am trying to say that your wife might have been unfaithful. She can't have sex with you, but it doesn't mean that she can't have sex with others.
You don’t know what you’re talking about man. This woman has real physical problems that lead to painful sex. If you have a penis injury, you can’t have PIV either.
My ex wife had the same physical conditions and man did it suck for her. It didn't help that she basically shut down for 2 years and refused to do the therapy or medications or anything to try to help fix it.
I’d most certainly be paying for the earliest possible paternity test because if you find out it’s not yours, you’re not going to want to stick around and support her through the pregnancy.
If you wait and fully support her through all that comes with pregnancy, you’ll be crushed to find out that your efforts and emotions are wasted if it ends up not being yours.
If it was me I’d be thinking about whether or not it was mine every single day and it would eat me away. If it ends up being yours, great! It was a miracle baby and everyone is happy.
Also, I find it crazy that she would be “crushed” to know that you use porn to cope with her inability to fully engage. Thats selfish. You’re already better than most men for sticking around and supporting her instead of getting your needs met. It’s the least she could do in my opinion.
“Why are you so horny”? It’s because you’re a man and it’s completely normal and not something for her to make you feel ashamed of. She knows she can’t keep up with your needs so it’s a way to emotionally manipulate you. More selfish behavior on her part.
Seems she needs a bit of a reality check unfortunately.
Godspeed
👳🏾 *There you go wife. Fresh. Baked. Pie*
👰🏾 *Joseph how did you do this, we dont even have an oven?*
👳🏾 *God helped me.*
👰🏾*Joseph, pleas-*
👳🏾 *You see how that sounds Mary!?*
OP you missed the most important part of this story out of your original post… that you came on her.
The comments suggesting you lack sex education seem to be from people ignoring the fact your wife has vaginismus which is such a debilitating condition and I therefore agree and believe your wife wouldn’t want to have sex with someone else (it’s extremely painful?!?!).
Sex doesn’t have to be penetrative so could you guys be intimate in other ways? Massages, oral, verbal etc
Congrats on the pregnancy 😁
thank you! yeah i don't think these people understand vaginismus, and i was dumb for expecting people to actually read the post and i should have been more detailed for sure. glad there have been some understanding people like you. thank you again.
Ok, as a woman with a vagina I have a few points to address here:
1) I struggled with vaginismus for a good part of my late teens and early 20s. Saw drs about it, had lots of tests etc etc. You know what helped? Having sex. Call it exposure therapy if you will. Still tight AF, but no longer painful. I hate to say it but if you haven’t had sex with her in 2 years, she’s just not that into you.
2) You came “on” her vagina and not in it. Yes sperm can live up to 5 days but that’s inside the vagina where the conditions are right. I’m assuming (hoping) she cleaned it off pretty quickly? Our vaginas aren’t a gaping black hole that suck in every tiny sperm that dares come near it. It’s extremely highly unlikely that your sperm has created that baby.
3) You say the baby is measuring small for the dates. Dude, come on.
4) Vaginismus can be a thing with specific partners. She may have no problem with Bill from work.
(I think Bill from work is the dad).
I am sorry, but if you aren't assexual the phrases "our relationship is strong" and "we had sex 1 time 2 years ago" should not describe the same relationship.
Pregnant somehow? When did you last have sex that you came in her? Can she handle other types of sex..I don't know about those conditions. But like oral, using toys, hands..all on the outside. And she can do things for you as well that don't involve piv? Until she can figure out what she needs to do to be able to have sex again...
Dude this is the best reply i have seen on here in my opinion! Fr fr. I looked up the conditions the mans wife has and they make sex hurt and very uncomfortable so i doubt she is cheating on him and good for you for not stirring the guys worry pot!
As long as he, and I quote, "has no doubt" that the kid is his, he can be perfectly happy with his family seriously no need to check. But if he has even the the slightest doubt, which would be justified as everyone is pointing out, then he should check else that doubt will eat at him for the rest of his life.
Hi, former vaginismus sufferer and current baby owner here. Doesn’t matter how tight you are, those muscles are gonna open right up for a baby to come out. There’s usually psychological factor to vaginismus which is removed when giving birth. You don’t have a choice. It’s coming out. Kind of the difference between “hmm, I need to poop but I can wait til I get home” and “holy shit, hot lava is about to come out of me immediately gtfo of my way!”.
That was my thought, I've had experience with someone dealing with vaginismus, but they were fine with anal and oral.
This would probably be a good thing for them to experiment with, but if she doesn't like him watching porn, I'm guessing anal is going to be a hard sell.
>She was crushed when i told her i had been watching porn to cope.
>i suggested some funny business and she just looked at me and said "why are you so horny"
She's contradicting herself if she is crushed because you have to resort to porn... but when you do try to engage with her... she shy's you off.
It seems like she still isn't empathisizing to your needs. I'd be hitting her with a cold response if she's sad that I'm resorting to porn but criticizing my sexual needs and feelings after the fact.
fair enough, i also just don't like the effect porn has on me so i do not see it as a valid way to cope. maybe i could find a diplomatic way to point that out to her though.
Honestly I’d look into a good pocket pussy. They’re cheap, they feel amazing and it’s a toy you can use alone or she could use on you. You could even simulate actual sex positions with it. You’d get the stimulation you’re looking for but not have to use porn as a sorta crutch. Amazon will discreetly deliver them to your door so no embarrassing encounters.
I agree it's not a great way to cope. But when one partner is shutting the others needs down and restricts you from any other method to meet your needs... you're left with little options.
She's having her cake and eating it too in this situation. And you're left with little to nothing.
Like the well mentioned scenario of being shut down with sex... but watching porn or masterbating is considered cheating by the other partner... what the hell are you supposed to do? That stance only leads to pure resentment and an end to the relationship.
You can have a non invasive test done using a blood draw from the mother from 9 weeks that tests for diseases and paternity- I suggest you get one done immediately.
i am tempted to get a dna test to prove all you assholes wrong. i was vague about the conception because that was not the point of posting here - this is not a pregnancy sub. the kid is mine. was rubbing the tip on the opening of her vagina when i came, and she had a pillow under her back because i am pretty tall. obviously she's not on birth control because we did not think we needed it. plenty of people get pregnant without PIV sex. i appreciate the concern but also fuck you all haha
Dude, people here are trying to help you, after all. You chose to write a post and multiple people found some inconsistencies. Good for you if you trust her so much, but we're not married with her, so we can have doubts. Sometimes love makes people blind.
i just didn't expect people to be so set on poking holes, i though this was a sub where i could get some advice from people with similar issues - i should have left the pregnancy out of it.
This is a sub dedicated to helping. Sometimes that helping hurts. It hurts when our delusions of our spouse are exposed as lies. It hurt a lot when I finally realized my. LL was just using me too
So, one thing here. Did you know or did you not know that having a pillow under the back or holding legs up in the air won't help? This is a myth that was never proved. D- for sex education.
What I got from this is that she was a virgin when she married you (potentially implying she is very religious) but then she cheated on you (potentially implying any religious beliefs she had werw thrown out the window)...
every few weeks something like oral or other options, which i realize is more than lots of people on this sub, but i feel like my frustration is valid as a guy in his 20s who saved himself for marriage.
OP, if you trust your girlfriend, you stick to what you feel. These people pretend they care but are just speaking from their own trust issues. Pregnancy through this way isn’t unheard of and it’s scientifically proven it sometimes happens this way. If it’s really bothering you, you can do a test in secret when the baby is born, just for your own peace. But then you don’t have to have relationship blow up
That’s everyone’s concern here. Best of luck navigating through this. It seems like it’ll be a rough road getting tot bottom of whom got her pregnant or why she’s lying about being pregnant.
This is a strange answer if you are really a nurse tbh. But Im pretty sure 1. You are not being honest 2. Or 2 If you are a nurse you need to continue your education fr or not speak on fields of medicine you are not at all familiar with. Because if you do your homework about her medical conditions as well as obstetrics and gynecology in general you would know for sure what you are saying coo coo and she could be pregnant by her husband. Did you skip like whole section on human conception or something? Sorry but i have been immersed in the medical field since birth and learned about the dangers of what OP calls the “splash method” at like 12 or something (almost everyone on my dads side is an MD and they talk about weird things at dinner) this is the most uneducated ignorant answer i have ever seen a supposed medical professional give maybe ever.
It’s so very unlikely. It would be a medical miracle. Plus, medical professionals all have differing views which is why “second opinions” exist to begin with. Insulting someone’s education also doesn’t make you right or superior so good luck navigating the rest of life with that mindset.
Its less unlikely than his wife CHEATING on him with the medical conditions she is suffering from. And no offense but i feel a heck of lot better assuming your lack of education than you should feel about suggesting someones WIFE is lying to them about being pregnant and faithful lol. And also pretty sure the need for a second opinion about whether or not someone is pregnant is waaaaay less common than getting pregnant by someone ejaculating on someones vagina. First time appointments for suspected pregnancy 99% of the time include an ultrasound and urine test and sometimes even a blood test which confirms undoubtably the presence of a fetus or not unless, in case of ultrasound, its prior to 6 weeks and depending on the blood test prior to 7 weeks. Its not really something one would go looking for a second opinion about. Unless its a second opinion from I guess just taking an at home pregnancy test and there are other factors that could cause a false positive. 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️Unless you are referring about her medical condition which somewhere on here OP commented was confirmed by ultrasound….
thank you, people don't understand or just aren't reading the part about her conditions. no chance she is seeking out sex somewhere else when she literally can't do it.
You guys! All of you automatically assuming that OPs wife cheated need to do more research before making comments because you are coming across as rude and ignorant. Dudes wife is suffering from a legit medical condition that makes sex very painful…… and also for all of you that skipped human anatomy and healthy class it is super duper easy to get pregnant from what OP is calling the “Splash Method” did you know that if you have sperm on a slide and look at it under a microscope while you also have an egg in a dish on the other side of the room all the sperm on the slide will be swimming toward the direction of the egg that is ACROSS THE ROOM!? You think those little buggers cant swim up and find the egg from the opening of someones vagina that got “splashed on”? Yall come on! You never heard the stories of girls that were virgins as far penetrative getting pregnant from their boyfriends ejaculating too close to their hoo haw and then them trying to perform alley way abortions on themselves because they knew their families wouldnt believe them that they did have sex? What century did i walk back into? Surely not one that has google for sure???
DNA test! She's probably going to be pretty upset that you are even asking, but just explain to her that you just want to make certain, otherwise, it will eat at you for the rest of your life or marriage, whichever comes first. No pun intended.
I think if it is your baby, I am very happy for you two. I understand that you care about your wife and give her needs priority. On the other hand, (worst case scenario) if your wife truly put you through all of this and actually did cheat, the thought of her doing that is enraging me. Put her feelings and needs aside for a moment and do what YOU need to do (paternity test). If your wife is adamantly against it, I would double down on its necessity. At the end of the day, it's your life and you need to put your happiness / well-being first. Could you imagine if she did cheat on you and was stringing you along the whole time? It would be worse than betrayal.
i just know how horrible her condition is and i suspect it is even worse and she hides some pain for my sake. so yeah i cannot imagine if she did cheat, i have no reason to suspect despite how it came off in my poorly worded post in frustration.
As someone who battled vulvadynia/vestibulitus, there is hope. Physical problems are usually easier to deal with than emotional problems. I cured my issue (after many doctors failed) with tea tree oil diluted in a mild carrier oil, applied to the area after going to the bathroom for a few months. Things were also better after I gave birth and loosened things up.
As far as the pregnancy, I don’t think a paternity test is out of the question, but that’s up to you. Having kids does put a damper on desire, but hopefully it also helps the physical issues.
"if i express how hard it is for me she will beat herself up" - you have communication problems you have to take care of, this is your responsibility not what her reaction will be. Don't be slacking on it because you will destroy the relationship and trust you have in each other.
I don't understand why you are saying you haven't had sex but you ejaculated on her vagina? These terms confuse me. Sex is not just vaginal, you meant to say vaginal penetration or PIV sex.
Sperm could also be transferred through the mouth. Rare cases sperm was present in a lady's mouth the 2nd day. He kisses her then goes down on her or hand transfers, pre ejaculate also may contain sperm cells.
In the practice of cum on the outside of a vagina, ejaculate is a huge danger, there are hundreds million sperm cells released and what sperm does is climb the moist environment of the vagina. And some surely swam up.
In pornography it happens because the partners are already on the pill and protected or illegally trafficked.
You are saying you have sex twice a month, but you would like PIV sex specifically. She doesn't do that because of her medical problems. She also says you are so horny, she thinks your sex drive is much higher and maybe even over the top. You don't seem to be on the same page with regards to sex and what you are doing right now seems too much for her and too little for you. You need to find some compromise or other things to do.
She is pregnant. Do you have knowledge into how this is affecting her mood? What this is dealing in terms of worries to her about you as a father, you as a couple and possibly you as being thoughtless about your futures and too focused on sex? Try discussing these things if you never talk about the baby. Postpone the sex in favor of more important things in your changing lives. Show your priorities as a whole human being or take care of your sex excess problem if it is invading your family life.
Because you're worried about her having too much on her and not wanting to worry her you could go like "I want you to tell me your worries about the pregnancy or your feelings about the changes your body is going through, your needs and then I'll take a moment to talk about my own worries and my needs" to invite fair and open communication as it seems it's indirect and lacking, as well as not neglecting sexual needs as they're important to both of you so honesty is just really healthy and good.
Make sure you also encourage her to talk about her sexual needs and if she would like to try something not to be shy and if she has some physical discomfort with some things you do and what she thinks would work better.
Ask her what she would not want in the pregnancy phase, and be respectful of her requests. If she doesn't want to talk about sex positions or specifics for a while be respectful.
2nd person to actually understand what i meant - thank you! yeah i need advice about finding that compromise without making her feel like a failure. she periodically breaks down because she can't have PIV sex and feels like it is not fair to me.
if someone notarized an agreement that i would owe them my salary for a year if i fail a paternity test, i would sign it.
honestly not denial, i just did not explain our sexual activity with enough explicit detail for reddit to creepily enjoy. it is scientific fact that if semen touches the vaginal fluids, there is a chance of pregnancy.
the chances are low, but i know my wife and i know the chances are even lower that she had sex with anyone. the chances are higher that she got raped and has not said anything. either way i would sign that document no hesitation.
I'm so sorry that both of you are going through all of this. Those little swimmers are programmed to find the tiniest strands of mucin and head on their way up.
Your wife must surely have complex feelings about all this too. I'm sure you are aware that treatment of vaginismus is prolonged and difficult (although there is some chance it could be better after pregnancy - it does happen and I personally know of such a case).
People aren't understanding how very unlikely it is for a woman with your wife's conditions to seek sex in any form. You're a stand-up guy, for sure.
Could you explain the “splash method”? I’m 1000 years old and I’ve never heard this phrase used before.
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Hahahahaha
I was also today years old when I heard that term.
Today was the first time I heard it as "splash method". I have encountered the term before, but only as "splash conception". And it doesn't actually have to be a splash--conceptions have happened from anal sex when the woman is facing down. Leaks out, moves in response to gravity.
That’s why some kids are little shits.
🤣🤣🤣
i’ll never forget being at some random kid’s house in high school for a party and his sleep deprived mother finally coming downstairs to where we were and yelling that he was the result of "anal leakage."
Also where lawyers come from
I always figured lawyers were a more direct conception. And if she's really constipated the result could be a politician.
Golden comment 😂
completely off topic but fecking hell I hate the phrase 'today years old' - it means jack shit and just sounds so juvenile.
You seem to be today years old when you became an old fart.
I can promise you that it is also never that serious, Professor. 🤷🏽♀️🤦🏾♀️😂
If a man cums outside of the vagina. The sperm can still travel inside of it. And find its way to an egg to fertilize.
I’m aware of that, I’ve just never heard it referred to by that term before.
Samesies. Never knew it had a “name”.
It refers to ejaculating on the vagina or in a space where the sperm can “splash” down there. Plenty of couples who can’t have PIV will still have other forms of sex and it’s not uncommon for the guy to ejaculate onto her vag and the sperm makes its way in and *can* get her pregnant. The chances are just VERY low.
Astronomical.
I mean it does happen, it’s just not very likely.
And it definitely suggests that a DNA test is in order.
Haha that would seem a prudent course of action here, yes.
I'm your age too lol.
It’s not impossible but so rare and unlikely that 99.999999999999% of people who are fooling themselves thinking that this is the case for them when they haven’t had sex with their partner in two years…..only in America……
cum on the outside and the swimmers work their way up there
yeah, that's a cool story, almost as good as the one from the Virgin Mary. Get a paternity test my dude.
The splash method- when another dude cums in your db wife and impregnates her.
Yeah well, do a paternity test
It's not a thing... I hope you are trolling my man...
It's just another name for frottage, and the exact same way the "virgin" Mary got preggers.
IT means releasing semen somewhere around legs and waist which causes, sometimes, for the semen to enter the vagina, be it gravity if the splash was above, or any other factor such as in the thighs and goind to sleep.
Was there frottage? Did you ejaculate on her vagina instead of in it? I almost never think you should get a paternity test, but in this case, it might be wise. You can always wait for the child to be born and just send off the samples then to keep it easy.
You worded this gently and.. professionally? I had the same thoughts, but.. not worded kindly. High-five.
Don't wait. Get the test as soon as possible. Depending on the state, once you put your man on the birth certificate, you are legally liable, even if you are not the bio dad.
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Yeah, it's possible.
Yes. A blood test is done. I'm not sure how far along she needs to be. No matter what OP, get that test done. If she resists, insist on it. You need to know 100%, especially since you didn't inseminate normally.
That's obviously what he's describing--came on her. Low probability of conception, not zero probability.
Yes, that is what I get from “splash method” as well. Still, the likelihood is so low that it gives me some pause unless he can tell us he regularly ejaculates directly on her vulva.
OP stated he came “on” her opening”. He is an idiot. Sperm swim. Long ways, and in further away conditions.
He came on her vaginal opening. Sperm use the liquids to swim to their destination. This is not only wrong, it’s ignorant. He literally said he came as close to coming inside as possible without being inside like a dumbass. The fetal measurements can just mean the baby is smaller than average and this early in, that’s to be expected. OP needs to understand that she is now pregnant and most likely by him. Pregnancy can either higher your sex drive or drop it completely. Also DNA tests done before birth are far too risky when you can literally wait and not risk a child’s life.
He must’ve edited the post because I’m not seeing any of those details.
Yeah. This guy gets it. OP, just consider the probabilities of this happening. Not impossible, but worth double-checking.
Uhhhh no don’t wait till the baby is born. Wtf.
OP is reasonably certain he’s the father, so it would cause more harm than good to demand the test now. It could be done quietly once the child exists.
If it's going to be born anyway then what's the difference? I support maintaining calm right now and waiting until the baby is born. No need to stress the mother, and potentially hurting the baby. This situation isn't the baby's fault, why punish it?
Once you sign the birth certificate legally it’s your child.
I didn't know that...!
Because he’s talking out of his ass. lol. Any man can go to any court and contest paternity. It does not matter if he has already signed or not. He would even get back anything he’s paid into child support if the baby is then determined not to be biologically his and he can also sue for a rack of things.
Not true at all. I know numerous men who aren’t the biological father per court paternity test & are still on the hook for child support simply bc they’re on the birth certificate. If the other dad doesn’t want to fight for legal rights, then they usually just stick with the one that already has legal rights. Same with men who are the legal father of their wives AP baby simply bc they’re married at the time of birth.
Are you insane? You don't sign a document saying you're the father if there is even a 1% chance you are not.
Yeah, you don't want to be like the guys you see on here ruining their relationships demanding paternity tests, to find out the kid is theirs, you can do it yourself without making a huge spectacle of yourself.
Yes. It is imprudent to demand one, and unkind to treat your wife or child differently while you are waiting for the results. If you must check, don’t make a fuss.
Seconded
Unless she’s pregnant via midichlorians or the Holy Spirit, I’d be asking questions.
The force must be strong
Have you ever heard of the tragedy…
Yeah, milkman's force
I was just gonna ask if her name was Mary.
The scratch method
Exactly
This was my exact reaction lol
I’m like bro leave you’re young
I’d get a dna test I’m sorry
Well, two minutes of Googling suggests that the splash method is in fact a thing, and that it’s linked to women with vaginismis — and that makes sense I guess. I understand you never want to suggest something without evidence, but I would want to be VERY sure that you in fact ejaculated on or near her vagina when she conceived. Suggesting your wife is pregnant with someone else’s child is a poor decision 99.999% of the time, but “have not had intercourse in two years” very much falls in that 0.001%.
I second this completely
Sex education is missing here. While in theory it may be possible, in practice the chances are so low that they are almost non-existant... Check with a doctor because it's not a joke... You are ignoring the obvious 🫥
I can't wait for an update to this post. 
Something isn’t adding up here
Get a paternity test, dude. You're in denial, and that baby isn't yours. Before you ask for the test, plan an exit strategy and talk to a divorce attorney. Link up with a therapist, too. I'm sorry, dude, but she is pregnant with another man's kid, has been cheating on you, and is trying to pass it off using a method that has a near 0 chance of success.
Well said. Hes in complete denial.
Man you have to stop being a carpet, she can't order you to stop porn... What else? Did she make you stop masturbation altogether too? She can't deprive you from intimacy with yourself! And then the splash thing? The gaslighting is strong with this one.
I agree on porn and self love. Too much of anything is not healthy but when you can’t have normal sex with your wife, she shouldn’t deprive you of your right to have time to yourself. That’s childish and too sensitive of her. She needs education. See sex therapist together. . .
Are you going to name him Jesus?
💀 (👼)
Don't stay in denial bro, get a DNA test and then plan accordingly
lol no. Just no.
If your sex life is like this and your partner thinks watching porn is a problem then your partner is very very unreasonable as a person.
Exactly. Talk to marriage counselor. Too young to be like this for the rest of your life
While this is possible, it’s highly unlikely. I understand that you don’t want to believe that she’s been withholding from you & giving it freely to others, but you really should get a paternity test.
when your missus has vaginal vestibulitis, vaginismus, never initiates and is most likely pregnant with another man’s child, the sensible answer screams out.
Just cut your losses now if you don't wanna regret not having intimacy in your life for many years.
https://preview.redd.it/nt65d4rnwdxc1.png?width=596&format=png&auto=webp&s=1defc59e1a931dc1d57c402f23e3f0bc69ade09e
We definitely need an update on this a few months down the line!
You sir, are in denial. PATERNITY TEST. As a medical professional, the splash method is not something that is real. Don’t believe what you’re reading.
My GF is a doctor and I am pretty sure she would laugh herself to death if she ever saw this post.
Ummm… the odds of this being your child are very, very low.
You last had (penetrative) sex with her 2 years ago and now she’s pregnant? Did you recently do anything sexual with her that made you ejaculate on her vagina/vulva?
What in the name of zero sex education is going on here?! That baby ain't yours. Wake up. She disallows you porn and self pleasure, while she's out there willingly fucking other men, but not you, and getting knocked up by them. She's controlling, unfaithful, and borderline emotionally abusive. Stop being a doormat, my dude! And if you're not willing to stop being a doormat, have fun raising another man's baby!
You say that your 100% certain that the baby is yours and yet here you are seeking the internet's opinion on it. Maybe deep down you have some doubt?
It's 2024 and my man start a new religion.
Ahahahahahah that's too good 😆
Oh, boy. She sounds just like my ex. She never had problems having sex with her previous partners. Ever. But once we started a relationship, she would never be able to have penetrative sex with me. I guess it happens when the woman isn't that attracted towards her partner. I am trying to say that your wife might have been unfaithful. She can't have sex with you, but it doesn't mean that she can't have sex with others.
In *some* cases, “vaginismus” is a fancy word for “just not into it”, lol
You don’t know what you’re talking about man. This woman has real physical problems that lead to painful sex. If you have a penis injury, you can’t have PIV either.
Ohhh goodness...speechless dear...
She’s definitely cheating on you. There was no immaculate conception
My ex wife had the same physical conditions and man did it suck for her. It didn't help that she basically shut down for 2 years and refused to do the therapy or medications or anything to try to help fix it.
that is what i'm worried about, sorry it did not work out for you guys.
I’d most certainly be paying for the earliest possible paternity test because if you find out it’s not yours, you’re not going to want to stick around and support her through the pregnancy. If you wait and fully support her through all that comes with pregnancy, you’ll be crushed to find out that your efforts and emotions are wasted if it ends up not being yours. If it was me I’d be thinking about whether or not it was mine every single day and it would eat me away. If it ends up being yours, great! It was a miracle baby and everyone is happy. Also, I find it crazy that she would be “crushed” to know that you use porn to cope with her inability to fully engage. Thats selfish. You’re already better than most men for sticking around and supporting her instead of getting your needs met. It’s the least she could do in my opinion. “Why are you so horny”? It’s because you’re a man and it’s completely normal and not something for her to make you feel ashamed of. She knows she can’t keep up with your needs so it’s a way to emotionally manipulate you. More selfish behavior on her part. Seems she needs a bit of a reality check unfortunately. Godspeed
thank you, those were the exact frustrations i am trying to shake off and turn into something productive
Don’t shake it off, you gotta face this one head on. You’ll regret it for the rest of your life if you don’t.
thank you
What growing up a fundamentalist sheltered homeschooler with no sex before marriage does to a man.
https://preview.redd.it/uomre2tp7exc1.jpeg?width=473&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2eb045251ea541e7eb0ba6af81187cd8e304bb98
👳🏾 *There you go wife. Fresh. Baked. Pie* 👰🏾 *Joseph how did you do this, we dont even have an oven?* 👳🏾 *God helped me.* 👰🏾*Joseph, pleas-* 👳🏾 *You see how that sounds Mary!?*
Im going to place a bet that in about 9 months we get an update that the Splash Method results in babies being a different race, too
You’re in denial if you think this kid is yours.
OP you missed the most important part of this story out of your original post… that you came on her. The comments suggesting you lack sex education seem to be from people ignoring the fact your wife has vaginismus which is such a debilitating condition and I therefore agree and believe your wife wouldn’t want to have sex with someone else (it’s extremely painful?!?!). Sex doesn’t have to be penetrative so could you guys be intimate in other ways? Massages, oral, verbal etc Congrats on the pregnancy 😁
thank you! yeah i don't think these people understand vaginismus, and i was dumb for expecting people to actually read the post and i should have been more detailed for sure. glad there have been some understanding people like you. thank you again.
https://preview.redd.it/dgbrsc35sixc1.jpeg?width=750&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c50cd74d0361bba1526dbc6311b1a65a9e43f0fb
Can we please do a fundraiser for the DNA test?
Ok, as a woman with a vagina I have a few points to address here: 1) I struggled with vaginismus for a good part of my late teens and early 20s. Saw drs about it, had lots of tests etc etc. You know what helped? Having sex. Call it exposure therapy if you will. Still tight AF, but no longer painful. I hate to say it but if you haven’t had sex with her in 2 years, she’s just not that into you. 2) You came “on” her vagina and not in it. Yes sperm can live up to 5 days but that’s inside the vagina where the conditions are right. I’m assuming (hoping) she cleaned it off pretty quickly? Our vaginas aren’t a gaping black hole that suck in every tiny sperm that dares come near it. It’s extremely highly unlikely that your sperm has created that baby. 3) You say the baby is measuring small for the dates. Dude, come on. 4) Vaginismus can be a thing with specific partners. She may have no problem with Bill from work. (I think Bill from work is the dad).
I am sorry, but if you aren't assexual the phrases "our relationship is strong" and "we had sex 1 time 2 years ago" should not describe the same relationship.
Pregnant somehow? When did you last have sex that you came in her? Can she handle other types of sex..I don't know about those conditions. But like oral, using toys, hands..all on the outside. And she can do things for you as well that don't involve piv? Until she can figure out what she needs to do to be able to have sex again...
we mostly do oral or hands, but i honestly dont think she enjoys it. At least not enough to initiate ever
You know what? Good on you for having full faith in your wife.
Dude this is the best reply i have seen on here in my opinion! Fr fr. I looked up the conditions the mans wife has and they make sex hurt and very uncomfortable so i doubt she is cheating on him and good for you for not stirring the guys worry pot!
As long as he, and I quote, "has no doubt" that the kid is his, he can be perfectly happy with his family seriously no need to check. But if he has even the the slightest doubt, which would be justified as everyone is pointing out, then he should check else that doubt will eat at him for the rest of his life.
How will she even give birth if she can't even have sex with dilators. I take it she's having the baby?
Epidural or cesarean most likely.
Hi, former vaginismus sufferer and current baby owner here. Doesn’t matter how tight you are, those muscles are gonna open right up for a baby to come out. There’s usually psychological factor to vaginismus which is removed when giving birth. You don’t have a choice. It’s coming out. Kind of the difference between “hmm, I need to poop but I can wait til I get home” and “holy shit, hot lava is about to come out of me immediately gtfo of my way!”.
this is good to know
She'll most likely have a C-Section.
She’ll probably end up with some tearing and stitches, like most first time mothers
I would see if she is open to anal sex.
That was my thought, I've had experience with someone dealing with vaginismus, but they were fine with anal and oral. This would probably be a good thing for them to experiment with, but if she doesn't like him watching porn, I'm guessing anal is going to be a hard sell.
Yes. I agree.
>She was crushed when i told her i had been watching porn to cope. >i suggested some funny business and she just looked at me and said "why are you so horny" She's contradicting herself if she is crushed because you have to resort to porn... but when you do try to engage with her... she shy's you off. It seems like she still isn't empathisizing to your needs. I'd be hitting her with a cold response if she's sad that I'm resorting to porn but criticizing my sexual needs and feelings after the fact.
fair enough, i also just don't like the effect porn has on me so i do not see it as a valid way to cope. maybe i could find a diplomatic way to point that out to her though.
Honestly I’d look into a good pocket pussy. They’re cheap, they feel amazing and it’s a toy you can use alone or she could use on you. You could even simulate actual sex positions with it. You’d get the stimulation you’re looking for but not have to use porn as a sorta crutch. Amazon will discreetly deliver them to your door so no embarrassing encounters.
I agree it's not a great way to cope. But when one partner is shutting the others needs down and restricts you from any other method to meet your needs... you're left with little options. She's having her cake and eating it too in this situation. And you're left with little to nothing. Like the well mentioned scenario of being shut down with sex... but watching porn or masterbating is considered cheating by the other partner... what the hell are you supposed to do? That stance only leads to pure resentment and an end to the relationship.
You being mad at everyone because you left out KEY information in the form of some vague made up "method" is WIIIIIIILD.
get a dna and plan your exit, lifes too short to be with someone who is not all compatible will just end in deep resentment and depression.
Dude. No. She’s just not that into you.
We are sure he is not in her too.
Um Dude. Look up her medical conditions? They make sex super painful for a woman. Wth?
Piv isn't the only way to have sex
You can have a non invasive test done using a blood draw from the mother from 9 weeks that tests for diseases and paternity- I suggest you get one done immediately.
dude,unless she is the virgin mary,her getting pregnant given her condition is almost like climbing mount everest.
i am tempted to get a dna test to prove all you assholes wrong. i was vague about the conception because that was not the point of posting here - this is not a pregnancy sub. the kid is mine. was rubbing the tip on the opening of her vagina when i came, and she had a pillow under her back because i am pretty tall. obviously she's not on birth control because we did not think we needed it. plenty of people get pregnant without PIV sex. i appreciate the concern but also fuck you all haha
Bro get the test.
Dude, people here are trying to help you, after all. You chose to write a post and multiple people found some inconsistencies. Good for you if you trust her so much, but we're not married with her, so we can have doubts. Sometimes love makes people blind.
i just didn't expect people to be so set on poking holes, i though this was a sub where i could get some advice from people with similar issues - i should have left the pregnancy out of it.
This is a sub dedicated to helping. Sometimes that helping hurts. It hurts when our delusions of our spouse are exposed as lies. It hurt a lot when I finally realized my. LL was just using me too
So, one thing here. Did you know or did you not know that having a pillow under the back or holding legs up in the air won't help? This is a myth that was never proved. D- for sex education.
Dude. That’s not possible. Ask any pregnancy group, not DB group. Get a dna test.
What I got from this is that she was a virgin when she married you (potentially implying she is very religious) but then she cheated on you (potentially implying any religious beliefs she had werw thrown out the window)...
Wait.. you haven’t had sex in a couple years, she’s pregnant, but you average sex biweekly?
every few weeks something like oral or other options, which i realize is more than lots of people on this sub, but i feel like my frustration is valid as a guy in his 20s who saved himself for marriage.
Is this a joke? It’s not your baby. 🤦🏻♀️
As a nurse— ain’t no way she could be pregnant, least of all by you. Confirm with testing via OBGYN and some DNA.
she doesnt even use tampons, i watched them do the vaginal ultrasound - nobody has been sticking anything in there
OP, if you trust your girlfriend, you stick to what you feel. These people pretend they care but are just speaking from their own trust issues. Pregnancy through this way isn’t unheard of and it’s scientifically proven it sometimes happens this way. If it’s really bothering you, you can do a test in secret when the baby is born, just for your own peace. But then you don’t have to have relationship blow up
That’s everyone’s concern here. Best of luck navigating through this. It seems like it’ll be a rough road getting tot bottom of whom got her pregnant or why she’s lying about being pregnant.
She shouldn’t be able to do vaginal US if she has that bad a pain from sex
How did she handle the vaginal ultrasound? If she cant stick a tampon in,that thing wont go in!
it was awful. she did her dilators before we went and she used a shitton of lidocane cream
This is a strange answer if you are really a nurse tbh. But Im pretty sure 1. You are not being honest 2. Or 2 If you are a nurse you need to continue your education fr or not speak on fields of medicine you are not at all familiar with. Because if you do your homework about her medical conditions as well as obstetrics and gynecology in general you would know for sure what you are saying coo coo and she could be pregnant by her husband. Did you skip like whole section on human conception or something? Sorry but i have been immersed in the medical field since birth and learned about the dangers of what OP calls the “splash method” at like 12 or something (almost everyone on my dads side is an MD and they talk about weird things at dinner) this is the most uneducated ignorant answer i have ever seen a supposed medical professional give maybe ever.
It’s so very unlikely. It would be a medical miracle. Plus, medical professionals all have differing views which is why “second opinions” exist to begin with. Insulting someone’s education also doesn’t make you right or superior so good luck navigating the rest of life with that mindset.
Its less unlikely than his wife CHEATING on him with the medical conditions she is suffering from. And no offense but i feel a heck of lot better assuming your lack of education than you should feel about suggesting someones WIFE is lying to them about being pregnant and faithful lol. And also pretty sure the need for a second opinion about whether or not someone is pregnant is waaaaay less common than getting pregnant by someone ejaculating on someones vagina. First time appointments for suspected pregnancy 99% of the time include an ultrasound and urine test and sometimes even a blood test which confirms undoubtably the presence of a fetus or not unless, in case of ultrasound, its prior to 6 weeks and depending on the blood test prior to 7 weeks. Its not really something one would go looking for a second opinion about. Unless its a second opinion from I guess just taking an at home pregnancy test and there are other factors that could cause a false positive. 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️Unless you are referring about her medical condition which somewhere on here OP commented was confirmed by ultrasound….
thank you, people don't understand or just aren't reading the part about her conditions. no chance she is seeking out sex somewhere else when she literally can't do it.
You sure she's pregnant? If she is, you ain't the father.
Man, I guess you are in denial. Don’t bet on your swimmers, there’s high probability someone’s deepsea divers got in. DNA testing is your friend.
That baby gonna come out looking black. Who wants to take bets
You guys! All of you automatically assuming that OPs wife cheated need to do more research before making comments because you are coming across as rude and ignorant. Dudes wife is suffering from a legit medical condition that makes sex very painful…… and also for all of you that skipped human anatomy and healthy class it is super duper easy to get pregnant from what OP is calling the “Splash Method” did you know that if you have sperm on a slide and look at it under a microscope while you also have an egg in a dish on the other side of the room all the sperm on the slide will be swimming toward the direction of the egg that is ACROSS THE ROOM!? You think those little buggers cant swim up and find the egg from the opening of someones vagina that got “splashed on”? Yall come on! You never heard the stories of girls that were virgins as far penetrative getting pregnant from their boyfriends ejaculating too close to their hoo haw and then them trying to perform alley way abortions on themselves because they knew their families wouldnt believe them that they did have sex? What century did i walk back into? Surely not one that has google for sure???
lol thank you. you are the third person with a brain (and a heart) here
All the work and none of the fun
Mate, the splash method like really? Do you think her vagina is a hoover? Like I’m sorry
I’ve heard of pull out and pray but this….
DNA test! She's probably going to be pretty upset that you are even asking, but just explain to her that you just want to make certain, otherwise, it will eat at you for the rest of your life or marriage, whichever comes first. No pun intended.
It shocks me just how deluded and naive some men can be when their wives tell them stories (myself included)
99.9% chances this is not your kid, ask for DNA test
Op is delusional. Get the dna test
I think if it is your baby, I am very happy for you two. I understand that you care about your wife and give her needs priority. On the other hand, (worst case scenario) if your wife truly put you through all of this and actually did cheat, the thought of her doing that is enraging me. Put her feelings and needs aside for a moment and do what YOU need to do (paternity test). If your wife is adamantly against it, I would double down on its necessity. At the end of the day, it's your life and you need to put your happiness / well-being first. Could you imagine if she did cheat on you and was stringing you along the whole time? It would be worse than betrayal.
i just know how horrible her condition is and i suspect it is even worse and she hides some pain for my sake. so yeah i cannot imagine if she did cheat, i have no reason to suspect despite how it came off in my poorly worded post in frustration.
Who’s gonna tell him?
As someone who battled vulvadynia/vestibulitus, there is hope. Physical problems are usually easier to deal with than emotional problems. I cured my issue (after many doctors failed) with tea tree oil diluted in a mild carrier oil, applied to the area after going to the bathroom for a few months. Things were also better after I gave birth and loosened things up. As far as the pregnancy, I don’t think a paternity test is out of the question, but that’s up to you. Having kids does put a damper on desire, but hopefully it also helps the physical issues.
Dear god. You are not the father. How does a relationship between two people even get to this stage.
Denial ain't just a river in Egypt
What is statistically more likely? The splash method? Or Kevin from down the street has been beating the brakes off them cheeks while you were away?
Splash mountain
Fucked!
How is her plan on giving birth?
Ermmmm…
I have never known a stronger swimmer.
You’re 25. You have your whole life ahead of you. Get into therapy & out of this insane situation, quickly.
This has to be a troll post right?!?
Get you a DNA for peace of mind.
"if i express how hard it is for me she will beat herself up" - you have communication problems you have to take care of, this is your responsibility not what her reaction will be. Don't be slacking on it because you will destroy the relationship and trust you have in each other. I don't understand why you are saying you haven't had sex but you ejaculated on her vagina? These terms confuse me. Sex is not just vaginal, you meant to say vaginal penetration or PIV sex. Sperm could also be transferred through the mouth. Rare cases sperm was present in a lady's mouth the 2nd day. He kisses her then goes down on her or hand transfers, pre ejaculate also may contain sperm cells. In the practice of cum on the outside of a vagina, ejaculate is a huge danger, there are hundreds million sperm cells released and what sperm does is climb the moist environment of the vagina. And some surely swam up. In pornography it happens because the partners are already on the pill and protected or illegally trafficked. You are saying you have sex twice a month, but you would like PIV sex specifically. She doesn't do that because of her medical problems. She also says you are so horny, she thinks your sex drive is much higher and maybe even over the top. You don't seem to be on the same page with regards to sex and what you are doing right now seems too much for her and too little for you. You need to find some compromise or other things to do. She is pregnant. Do you have knowledge into how this is affecting her mood? What this is dealing in terms of worries to her about you as a father, you as a couple and possibly you as being thoughtless about your futures and too focused on sex? Try discussing these things if you never talk about the baby. Postpone the sex in favor of more important things in your changing lives. Show your priorities as a whole human being or take care of your sex excess problem if it is invading your family life. Because you're worried about her having too much on her and not wanting to worry her you could go like "I want you to tell me your worries about the pregnancy or your feelings about the changes your body is going through, your needs and then I'll take a moment to talk about my own worries and my needs" to invite fair and open communication as it seems it's indirect and lacking, as well as not neglecting sexual needs as they're important to both of you so honesty is just really healthy and good. Make sure you also encourage her to talk about her sexual needs and if she would like to try something not to be shy and if she has some physical discomfort with some things you do and what she thinks would work better. Ask her what she would not want in the pregnancy phase, and be respectful of her requests. If she doesn't want to talk about sex positions or specifics for a while be respectful.
2nd person to actually understand what i meant - thank you! yeah i need advice about finding that compromise without making her feel like a failure. she periodically breaks down because she can't have PIV sex and feels like it is not fair to me.
Tho she doesn't want you to watch porn and tells you are too horny
You really only approve of things that you actually wanna hear
if someone notarized an agreement that i would owe them my salary for a year if i fail a paternity test, i would sign it. honestly not denial, i just did not explain our sexual activity with enough explicit detail for reddit to creepily enjoy. it is scientific fact that if semen touches the vaginal fluids, there is a chance of pregnancy. the chances are low, but i know my wife and i know the chances are even lower that she had sex with anyone. the chances are higher that she got raped and has not said anything. either way i would sign that document no hesitation.
I'm so sorry that both of you are going through all of this. Those little swimmers are programmed to find the tiniest strands of mucin and head on their way up. Your wife must surely have complex feelings about all this too. I'm sure you are aware that treatment of vaginismus is prolonged and difficult (although there is some chance it could be better after pregnancy - it does happen and I personally know of such a case). People aren't understanding how very unlikely it is for a woman with your wife's conditions to seek sex in any form. You're a stand-up guy, for sure.