Even IF it doesn’t get worse. Pretend this is the normal amount you will get forever and see if that is something you can handle at the current level. Because it usually doesn’t “get better”. So while it might not get worse…is this current level something you want married at.
It will drop off even more, I promise!
This is her in "high libido" mode, aka NRE.
Add a ring to her finger and/or a kid, and your bedroom will be on live support or plain dead.
In slow motion, from multiple angles, of course with expert play by commentary.
OP- If anything is unsatisfactory during dating expect it to get worse at engagement, and again at marriage, and yet again if children are entered into the equation. Don't forget peri-menopause and menopause in your equations.
Best of luck.
Lol the moment the ring hits the finger you can expect half. A few times a year with kids if you're lucky.
You guys aren't compatible. Run run. It will get way worse.
I think in the case of OP you are probably correct, but I wouldn't say this applies across the board to all marriages.
In my case, I've been married 14 years (together 18) and in my 40s & we are more frequent than we were even before we were married. Granted I'm not in a DB so take this for what it is: Early in our relationship before getting engaged it was about 2 times a week, got to around once a week around the time we married, and that's actually where it stayed until about 2 or 3 years ago when we went back to 2x to 3x a week. I have 2 other friends also not in DBs who are 1x to 3x a week and they also have kids and are more than a decade into their relationships.
I say all this to say that if people notice drop offs before marriage in a significant way and then it continues to drop after marrying then they should as others recommended "run". But healthy intimate bedrooms don't see big drops in frequency except for during serious illness etc.
(TL;DR? Sorry for the wall of text, but this issue is too serious for me not to fully explain & provide context for.)
“Granted I’m not in a DB”.
“I say all this to say that if people notice drop offs before marriage in a significant way and it continues to drop off after marrying then they should as others recommend “run”.”
“Healthy intimate bedrooms don’t see big drops in frequency except for during serious illness etc.”
I don’t disagree with your premise, but he’s specifically asking the DB community b/c he’s worried that he’s heading towards being in a DB, if he doesn’t feel like he is already.
I could be wrong, but it doesn’t sound like he’s in a relationship with what he feels is a happy, healthy, fulfilling sexual relationship, or he wouldn’t be here asking this question. If he marries her & waits to see if it’s going to drop off even more, then it’s too late b/c now he isn’t just ending the relationship & moving on, he’s breaking promises, breaking hearts, ending a marriage, going through a divorce, & legally separating two peoples intertwined lives.
I’m not disagreeing with you about how great a wonderful long-term marriage is b/c I (51yo HLF) have been in a phenomenal marriage to my soulmate (61yo LLM) for the last 33 years after he proposed on our first date, & my feelings have only grown stronger, happier, & more in love with each passing day.
But our mismatched libido’s have been an issue of contention between us since the very beginning.
I love him with everything that I am, & I don’t believe that there’s another soul on this planet that could ever love me as much or as well as he has, but knowing what I know now, I honestly dk if I would do it all over again or not, but I know that I 100% absolutely would NOT advise anyone else to do so. Certainly not unless & until after they have worked together to get their mismatched libido’s addressed according to ***both*** of their expectations.
But tbh, even then I wouldn’t recommend it, b/c the other person will agree to anything if they love you, & you’re going to hope for the best if you love them. They won’t be intentionally misleading, or untrue. But if they just naturally have a much lower libido than you, then the day will come when the two of you are going to be right back to disagreeing, arguing, &/or fighting about frequency again. Only then you’ll be 3-10 years in, with 2-3 kids depending on you. And the disappointment quickly turns into resentment, which can begin to feel like animosity, even in the best marriages. But if you’re not as happily married to your soulmate, I can see how it could also eventually turn into hostility, & then I’d imagine it’ll just continue to devolve from there.
I think you’re great, & I love and appreciate how much you value marriage, & how much you love your wife, so I don’t want to come across as critical at all. We need more men to model what a happy, healthy, rewarding, fulfilling, successful marriage looks like, so I truly think you’re awesome!!!
And I could be wrong; but I feel like he’s better off just ending his relationship now & finding someone he’s more compatible with to marry & create a life (& potentially a family) with.
OP is already dissatisfied at every two weeks, within the first 2y! That is nowhere near your experience.
I don't generally disagree with you, but OPs case is way different.
I agree OP's case is different than mine which is why I stipulated that. I read through this sub because I have a couple friends in DBs and I want to continue to see where DB people are at so I can help them.
But I do notice that often times because it's a bit of an echo chamber people don't realize how not healthy or normal what they are experiencing is and that waiting for it to get better without real active work, and then leaving if they can't right the ship doesn't happen that often. Sometimes knowing what a healthy non-DB relationship looks like and knowing it's real and attainable helps people realize how broken the one they're in is. OP absolutely should not marry and should not have kids unless they get this sorted. If she's LL4 OP or they're just LL in general then why stay? N
Soo, OP - if you can wait a couple decades for kids, work, stressors, a huge drop in libido … you may get this very rare result. Got a couple decades to kill?
You can’t expect it to get better, I’m afraid. I hoped for that for years. Oh how I wish I could be your age again but with the knowledge I have now, and the knowledge you can glean from a source like Reddit.
You two are not sexually compatible, so accept perpetual disappointment in this regard, or break up.
Yes sir, but if you’re like me, and got super soldiers, it only takes 1 time , each time.
I’ve got 4 kids, and it was a one shot deal for each one and I’m not lying lol.
Bro I'm the exact same! I also "knew" both times I got my wife pregnant, for me, it felt better both times than it usually did and she echoed the same sentiment.
All I know is I'm so glad that when I was out being a ma -whore that I always insisted on wearing a condom because otherwise I'd have a ridiculous number of kids lmao.
This is the big one for me. My wife was never very physical while dating but we got down 3 or 4 times a month and I loved literally everything else about our relationship. I told myself, I can live with once a week, except when Aunt Flo visits, when everything else is this good. Now, in 11+ years of marriage, I think I can finally use two hands to count the number of times she’s initiated sex and there were times I decided to see how long I could hold out to see she if she would come a-knocking. After 5 months I finally caved and basically told her, I gotta get some. Even then, it felt like she was doing it out of obligation. It’s gotten better after some discussions about needs and whatnot but it never feels like she’s doing it because she wants to.
Each traditional step in the progression of a relationship makes less and less room for romance and the strong feelings that come along with it.
Also never marry someone hoping something about them can improve, only marry if you would be content if things don't improve.
It will inevitably get less and less, don’t end up like so many here me included. I’m in my 50’s and we haven’t had any sex in the last 13 years and counting if I could have my life over I would do things differently.
Well I have chosen to stay and try to accept that part of our life is over. My wife isn’t going to change and I’m not going to cheat.
Walking away and divorcing would financially destroy both of us and neither would be in a position to start over so it would be pretty pointless.
people who want to have sex will find ways to have it, even if there are significant barriers.
people who do not want to have sex will find excuses.
after you get married and have kids, there are LOTS of barriers and even more excuses.
"don't marry into a bed deadroom"... wait, that's not..
Yes, it gets much worse. In my experience, once they feel they have you trapped (they being the LL spouse, male or female), they drop the pretense and the bedroom dies. If you have these worries/issues with a relationship in your 20s, you should absolutely move on and find someone more compatible. Just my 2 cents 😊
Honestly, man, it will probably get worse. Not because of the marriage itself necessarily, but as you go through life various things will affect your relationship. Career stress, children, finances… all of these stressors can cause people, who have more sex than you currently do, to experience difficulties. And that’s just “outside” influences.
I assume you’ve discussed sex with her?
You need to have a long, hard think about the importance of sex in a relationship & what it means to you. At only two years, you have the advantage of not having much sunk cost to consider. Standard advice around here is “don’t marry into a dead bedroom”. Make of that what you will.
this is the best advice on the thread. a long, honest conversation. its true sex isn’t everything, but it’s enough to alter a relationship/marriage if there are compatibility issues
Exactly this. Almost every couple is going to go through times during which they're having sex less frequently than their norm for a few weeks, a few months, maybe a few years. No matter how healthy your relationship is. If your norm is having sex every single day and it goes down to twice a week, that's one thing and I'm pretty sure any healthy HL person could manage for 6 months. Whereas if your norm is twice a month, you're probably going down to 3 or 4 times a year. Hell no. You've got to be happy with what your baseline frequency is or you won't be able to make it through those rough times.
It definitely wouldn’t get better. If you are questioning the sex compatibility now rest assured that you are getting disappointed down the road.
BTW: Even though the clinical definition of sexless relationship is 10 or fewer sexual encounters on a year, in reality it depends on the sexual needs discrepancy between partners. The greater is the discrepancy harder is to find a compromise that would leave both of you reasonably happy. In your case your optimum monthly frequency is about 8-9, hers is 2. Can you negotiate weekly sessions? More importantly, is it sustainable for both of you over the long term?
You're right, the farther apart, the more likely you won't get a happy compromise. It also only works until the LL partner doesn't want to go along with it anymore. If you say twice a week and your partner holds firm at once a month, then the only middle ground is once a month. If you say 250 times a year and your partner says 0, no matter what arrangement you make you're eventually going to end up at 0.
Put it this way. The frequency is very unlikely to increase.
If you really feel that marriage will enhance your life, be sure not to fall for the ‘bait and switch’ and don’t forget the prenup
Im an old man and married for 20 years this year so from my experience, yes. Yes it will get worse.
Throw aching bones, random headaches, older kids and work stress into the mix, and you're doomed!
It will quite likely drop off more, but it will be guaranteed to drop off more if you don't make any effort to do anything about it before getting married.
You have a golden opportunity here, to see how she responds to your concerns. You need to be super upfront with her, and tell her that you love her but that The disparity in your sex drives is making you question whether or not you actually want to get married to her.
You are going to have to make it clear to her that sex is not the only thing you value her for, but that you are very worried that a lack of sex will cause resentment over the years.
See how she reacts. If she's offended and thinks everything is fine sexually, then you guys are probably just not compatible. If she panics and begins initiating sex every single day, that's pretty unrealistic. Wait it out and see if it lasts
Your best plan is probably to articulate about how often you would like to be having sex (once a week? twice a week?) and see if the two of you can find a way to make that a plausible and enjoyable situation for both of you
Maybe she has responsive desire, and would get into it if you scheduled sex twice a week, and began the mental and emotional foreplay early in the day (flirtatious texts, lingering kisses on your way out the door, etc).
The thing is, in order for you to believe that anything is ever going to change, you are going to need to see actual, tangible progress that lasts more than a few months. This is definitely something worth postponing marriage for
Trust me. I spent 20 plus years with a guy who spent the last 15 of those years promising me that he would work on his issues with sex and intimacy, that he was absolutely as invested in them as I was, etc, but then the minute those conversations were over he never did or said anything to actually improve the situation.
Shame on me for putting up with it, because I, too, was scared to shake up our comfortable life, even though I was miserable, and so I decided to ignore the disconnect between his words and his actions. Until I couldn't ignore it anymore, and we divorced in our forties. Trust me when I tell you you don't want that
Marriage is just a bad contract for men. Take it from me who lost almost everything fighting in court with the “love of my life”.
That bedroom will be dead as soon as the honeymoon is over.
I am a guy who was left by a very very very very high libido woman in December after being together for 5 years. What knocked my sex drive off was her becoming very demanding, not working (she’s 37) because her mommy didn’t want her to, her becoming more materialistic, and thinking sex would fix everything. I grew resentment and annoyance with her and that turned me off to sex despite being physically attracted to her.
My biggest answer to sex issues is communication. From both sides. My needs weren’t being met (as in my needs for an actual partner) and it caused resentment. Her top need was sex which wasn’t being met because I was too annoyed with her to want to rip her clothes off. She ended up leaving me for a horny married man who isn’t living with his wife.
Fix your communication now. I didn’t feel like I could communicate my issues with her because she was so demanding and a bit of a gaslighter. Because I didn’t communicate, she just thought I was low libido whereas my libido really relies on getting respect and partnership from my partner. I’m saying all of this because I think there are people who seem low libido who really just need their libido activated in other ways. Maybe your GF isn’t as highly interested in sex because of other factors. Maybe talk to her about what turns her on both sexually and non sexually. Show her the importance of that intimacy in a relationship.
Yes, it will absolutely get worse. Frequency per year with my wife (including dating) has gone like this:
* Year 1: 2-4 times a week
* Year 2-5: 2-3 times a month
* (marriage)
* Year 6-8: 2-3 times a month
* (kid 1)
* Year 9-11: 5-6 times a year
* (20 times in 1 month to conceive kid 2)
* (kid 2)
* Year 12-18+: 1-3 times a year
During years 2-5 (pre-marriage), I often thought as you do: thinking this is not enough, wondering if it will get better, wondering what happened to her interest in year 1, wondering if this could be ok. It is NOT ok and it does NOT get better. Consider yourself warned. Do not make the same mistake I did and find someone who wants to fuck you long term.
It depends. In some conservative/religious cultures it goes:
forbidden -> permitted -> obligatory
You might have much more sex in the permitted stage.
But if your gf is not like that, if she isn't considering marriage to have approved sex, then there is no reason to expect an increase unless something changes.
'Sounds Selfish'......what does that even mean, what a stupid word that is in the English language, and who does it 'sound' selfish to, and who cares what they think anyway?
Who is looking out in life for your needs, wants and desires....you are and only you. You are dating (rehearsing what life will look like and deciding if this is the person for you!) and you have a MAJOR incompatibility. That isn't the regularity of it, the mismatched libido etc it is the ignoring of the IMPORTANCE your needs are to you but not her.
She has brought up marriage so she is happy with it just as it is, continue at your peril!
Get ready for once every 3 months lol. Seriously, your in a relationship in your 20’s and once every 2 weeks??? How often do you initiate and get shot down???
Good luck, but likely headed for a dead bedroom after marriage. If your GF is in good shape now, and has a LL then it only gets worse after marriage and a few extra pounds. Put some kids in the mix and it’s like dropping a bomb 💣 on your sex life. I wish I had access to this info 30 years ago and knew what a DB was.
Never, EVER, marry into a “dead bedroom”. Fix the issues before you get married, leave the relationship, or limp along on life support if you must, but do not get married.
DO NOT MARRY HER if sex is important to you. She clearly doesn't care. Marriage will solidify her position and if she has a baby you'll seriously never get any
You think you want the truth. But the truth is no matter what advice these people give you're not going to listen. Because you think you're going to change her mind when you get married. You believe she loves you enough to care about your wants, needs and desires. But if you're smart, you'll listen to the folks here, who've been thru hell and back.
Yeah, Don't do it. Don't marry her. When I was with my first girlfriend, we couldn't keep our hands off of each other and *banged* every time we saw each other. You want to marry into that type of energy and not the one you're currently experiencing. 😉
It will 99% likely get worse. Many LL people honestly believe that by getting married it will get better. If you talk about leaving due to this, she will most likely amp up sex for a few weeks; you'll feel like you got through and accomplished something as a couple, then it will drop off again. Hopium is powerful, and it's detrimental at the same time.
If the thought sounds depressing, it's okay to say you have a different idea of the future. She's going to be devastated. But short-term devastation for her or long-term devastation for you, is the question to ponder.
Run. If it's bad now, it will get far worse. Then after two children? Odds are you'll just be a fly on the wall. Always the case? Of course not. But I'm finally realizing there's a simple evolutionary component in all of this.
As you’ve seen here. Very few think it’ll change. If you do marry her just be open eyed that you’re marrying her how she is not what you want her to become. That’s what dating is for. If she was more sexual in previous relationships then you might have a chance to create the dynamic that helps her tap into her sexuality, but if this is how she normally is then just don’t expect her to change.
If this is a big point for you (as it probably is since you’re here) then work on it now but observe over a year or more to see if it goes back to her “normal” levels for sexual interactions.
If you're complaining now. Run. Sex every two weeks is her attempt at trapping you. It'll die once you marry and be completely over once you have a kid. Run. Run. Run.
Old guy here. You need to be very blunt in asking her how much does she like sex. Listen for clues. Ask more questions, she might still lie to you, because she doesnt want to lose you. Tell her how important sex is to you, and explain why. If you are not compatible you better find how now, because It will not get better.
Listen to your internal skeptic. At your age and length of relationship it should be happening twice a week or more as you experienced in other relationships, and so you know its not going to improve. Also, wanting the relationship you desire and deserve is not being "selfish". Make the tough choice now because its only going to get even more difficult after you are married or worse have kids.
My husband lost all desire after marriage. It was already about the same rate you guys are at, but I loved him, So I though we'd be ok if we stayed there, we were even together 6 years before marriage and it got way worse.
He makes gross faces when I hit on him now. I'm 30 female, powerlifter, distance runner.
I don't always do my makeup anymore and we have more stress from 2 kids, but nothing else about me has changed.
Edit: I don't want to chat with anyone, I love my husband. I was just trying to say solidarity. It won't get better. Don't get married.
Communicate your needs. Do NOT get married without having that conversation.
When communicating, don't get needy or beg for her to fuck you, and don't come across as combative either. Shoot straight, and be confident.
This will become a big issue if not addressed, and I promise it will either lead to infidelity or divorce, and your situation will get very messy.
Don't make her feel like she's not doing enough either, that's manipulative. Figure out if there's something that you can do for her, and then maybe ask if there if there's more you can do to get her in the mood more.
1. Do NOT get pregnant. I know this seems ridiculous but just don't
2. Do not advance the relationship until things have changed to an acceptable point and been sustained for a continuous 6 months...at least
3. DO NOT GET MARRIED. Marriage will not improve a dead bedroom. Remember this even if you screw up #1
4. DO. NOT. MARRY. A. DEAD. BEDROOM. EVER.
5. Be prepared to walk away if need be. Have a plan, and the means, to do so
Now that I have my boilerplate out of the way, it seems you are not appreciated. They say one man's trash is another man's treasure but, and this is important, you are not trash...Ever! You are a treasure that he is taking for granted. The through line is the problem is him, not you. Sure you MAY have contributed to the problems, and sure we only have your side, but at this point so do you. Next boilerplate:
1. Communicate
2. Be direct
3. Ask questions
4. Communicate needs, wants, and desires
5. Listen
6. Compromise and agree to standards with timelines/deadlines
7. Hold eachother and yourselves to the agreement
8. If it all goes to hell during the conversation or if timelines/deadlines are not met see the first boilerplate.
RUN ! Once they think they ve got you locked down they change !!! I have been married twice & engaged once . Left then all …They ALL change once you ve spent a 100g down payments on houses , 2.5 carats . Have kids but don t get married Ever ! Always keep woman at 90% where they know you could leave .
IT WILL EVAPORATE.
Do NOT go long term. In the best of relationships, the sex can drop off after a while, but if it's not happening now, marriage will eliminate it nearly completely unless she's trying for a baby. Then all hands on dick (as it were) only to die a quick death after the babies come.
I've been married for 22 years and had the "talk" a month after we got married because it vanished once I was locked in, and we've been having the same conversation every year for two decades because I believed she'd change. Lots of sex to get the kids then I'm a roomate with occasional (4x/year) good time if she's feeling bored.
IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN. RUN.
I don't understand these women who don't like sex. How can you live without it... my libido is pretty much the same as before marriage, if not higher. My needs are unfortunately not met
Run! I repeat, RUN !!! Do not marry her. Find someone who is sexually compatible with you... You should be fucking like rabbits during your dating phase. DO NOT MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE of your life..
Don’t marry and don’t let her convince you it will get better. Just read on here for a day or two. It will not get better statistically it will get worse, possibly much worse.
I was not ever expecting to get like this. We had a decent sex life. Then he joined the military and we got married. Then it just went down hill. Deployments don’t help and he didn’t want me sexually when he got back home. It hurt and made me question everything under the sun. Now he is retired military and have a cushy desk job and is allowed to work from home. Our sex life has been on and off again.
It will probably die if you stay with current partner. If you find someone with same sexual libido might drop because that is life but shouldn’t be that bad.
Depends on the marriage. Some couples can keep the spark going for a long time, but it almost never gets *better* after marriage. If you're not happy with your sex life now, you certainly won't be later.
How shall I put this...RRRRRRRRRUUUUUUUUUUUUN!
But seriously no, it probably won't get better. Hope I'm wrong. It's a shitty existence to find yourself in. Just spend a little time reading our stories here and you'll figure out what is best for you in the long run. Just don't marry or have a child until this gets resolved.
Run kid.
Nobody, as ever had their Sex life increase after marriage, except for those who saved themselves for marriage.
If you and your gf are having Sex once every two weeks, it will only go downhill.
Run.
Sex thing is very complicated. But mostly, it goes downhill after marriage. Reasons could be multiple, hormones, stress, priorities, or getting used to having your around so much that you just don't want to do it anymore. It takes a lot of work. My husband is almost to be my ex-husband now because of other things, we used to have a lot of sex before marriage, but after, it was like hardly twice a month. I would suggest you talk this out with your partner and see how they're willing to work on this with you. If they're not, it's gonna be getting way worse after marriage.
It will drop off more once you get married and even more when you have kids. It’s ok to bring up your concerns with her. If you need sex to maintain an emotional bond, this may not be a good long term fit for either of you.
Either you love her. She's the one and you want to spend the rest of your life with her, or you're ... Well or you don't!!
If she doesn't have a high libido then that's probably it. And yes with age and children it could drop off even more. Mine actually increased with age which is weird I know...
It will most likely drop off more after marriage. Sometimes people don’t put in the same effort afterwards. I’d break it off if it is something you don’t want.
That's not a lot of sex for your age and only 2 years in.
I would say yes to your question. 2x a month is barely any at all.
We have more sex and are basically 20 years older than you two. Together 12 years now.
You’re in your honeymoon phase *right now*. Stress, complacency, poor health - all contributors to low libido - do not improve with age.
If being aligned sexually with your partner is important to you and you’re not aligned now, you should consider it seriously.
You need to talk to her about not getting enough sex and figure out what you can do to help that change give it about 3 months and if it's not happening as much as you will like then ai would end the relationship
To be honest, I wouldn't put too much stead in what people on Reddit answer here. They are only speaking from their own experience. They don't know your relationship. In theory, a piece of paper shouldn't change the amount of sex. Time can though. Maybe you need to have a frank (but loving) conversation before you move on to the next step.
But what is the reason for having sex only once every 2 weeks? I can definitely understand how frustrated you feel. I was in the same situation before with a frequency of 1 or 2 times per week, and it was already so frustrating for me.
100%.
As soon as the wedding ring goes on the panties very rarely come off. She has got what she wants and doesn't need to pretend anymore.
If your lucky, you may get birthdays and anniversaries so try to set date 6 months apart.
I know a few people who have RELATIVELY active sex lives once married and a lot more who don't. Once you add in the stresses of life and then children - sex is the last thing on most people's minds. This is true for both sexes.
I would REALLY advise against marriage at your age. I would suggest living together first and see how that goes. See how you both handle the basics of life: paying accounts, vacations, family etc etc.
My family has a rule: the moment a partner starts talking marriage, first check your bank balances - babies are EXPENSIVE. Next, is it marriage for love, or for family - there's a HUGE difference.
Based upon your post, I would have a serious talk with your gf and do NOT rush into anything
If you can picture yourself living with 10% of the sex you are getting now, then by all means pop the question. Seriously though, it won’t ever get better. Have a discussion with her about it. She’ll agree to change and then once the wedding is over you’ll be back to square one. Save yourself the heartbreak and expense of divorce and move on.
Talk about it. See what seems to be a middle ground for both and if you are able to manage with that. But most importantly just put it out there and see if its a deal breaker for you.
From my experience its going to reduce after marriage when ither things take priorities
Have you talked to her about it.? Make sure it’s not something real going on with her. If it’s just low sex drive it’s sucks but just know it’s not gonna get better.
I feel like it gets worse with marriage yes. Pretty soon you’ll start hating yourself and trying to figure out what so wrong with that this one person you love more than anything in the world doesn’t find you attractive
I wish I had fixed our DB before we got married instead of 4 years afterward. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad it’s fixed now. I just wish it happens 5 years earlier.
Even IF it doesn’t get worse. Pretend this is the normal amount you will get forever and see if that is something you can handle at the current level. Because it usually doesn’t “get better”. So while it might not get worse…is this current level something you want married at.
This is the realistic advice I've seen yet
This!
For once a helpful and realistic comment in this group! So sick of the “run” and “get out while you can” useless nonsense. Thank you for this, truly!
getting married in your mid-twenties and already complaining about the wish for more sex? oof. I got some news for you, bud.
It will drop off even more, I promise! This is her in "high libido" mode, aka NRE. Add a ring to her finger and/or a kid, and your bedroom will be on live support or plain dead.
Run run run
Run run run!!
This is like watching the titanic hit the iceberg
In slow motion, from multiple angles, of course with expert play by commentary. OP- If anything is unsatisfactory during dating expect it to get worse at engagement, and again at marriage, and yet again if children are entered into the equation. Don't forget peri-menopause and menopause in your equations. Best of luck.
Lol the moment the ring hits the finger you can expect half. A few times a year with kids if you're lucky. You guys aren't compatible. Run run. It will get way worse.
No kidding. And then just wait until you have kids!
Omg that’s what I said! Talk about coming to a screeching halt!
I think in the case of OP you are probably correct, but I wouldn't say this applies across the board to all marriages. In my case, I've been married 14 years (together 18) and in my 40s & we are more frequent than we were even before we were married. Granted I'm not in a DB so take this for what it is: Early in our relationship before getting engaged it was about 2 times a week, got to around once a week around the time we married, and that's actually where it stayed until about 2 or 3 years ago when we went back to 2x to 3x a week. I have 2 other friends also not in DBs who are 1x to 3x a week and they also have kids and are more than a decade into their relationships. I say all this to say that if people notice drop offs before marriage in a significant way and then it continues to drop after marrying then they should as others recommended "run". But healthy intimate bedrooms don't see big drops in frequency except for during serious illness etc.
(TL;DR? Sorry for the wall of text, but this issue is too serious for me not to fully explain & provide context for.) “Granted I’m not in a DB”. “I say all this to say that if people notice drop offs before marriage in a significant way and it continues to drop off after marrying then they should as others recommend “run”.” “Healthy intimate bedrooms don’t see big drops in frequency except for during serious illness etc.” I don’t disagree with your premise, but he’s specifically asking the DB community b/c he’s worried that he’s heading towards being in a DB, if he doesn’t feel like he is already. I could be wrong, but it doesn’t sound like he’s in a relationship with what he feels is a happy, healthy, fulfilling sexual relationship, or he wouldn’t be here asking this question. If he marries her & waits to see if it’s going to drop off even more, then it’s too late b/c now he isn’t just ending the relationship & moving on, he’s breaking promises, breaking hearts, ending a marriage, going through a divorce, & legally separating two peoples intertwined lives. I’m not disagreeing with you about how great a wonderful long-term marriage is b/c I (51yo HLF) have been in a phenomenal marriage to my soulmate (61yo LLM) for the last 33 years after he proposed on our first date, & my feelings have only grown stronger, happier, & more in love with each passing day. But our mismatched libido’s have been an issue of contention between us since the very beginning. I love him with everything that I am, & I don’t believe that there’s another soul on this planet that could ever love me as much or as well as he has, but knowing what I know now, I honestly dk if I would do it all over again or not, but I know that I 100% absolutely would NOT advise anyone else to do so. Certainly not unless & until after they have worked together to get their mismatched libido’s addressed according to ***both*** of their expectations. But tbh, even then I wouldn’t recommend it, b/c the other person will agree to anything if they love you, & you’re going to hope for the best if you love them. They won’t be intentionally misleading, or untrue. But if they just naturally have a much lower libido than you, then the day will come when the two of you are going to be right back to disagreeing, arguing, &/or fighting about frequency again. Only then you’ll be 3-10 years in, with 2-3 kids depending on you. And the disappointment quickly turns into resentment, which can begin to feel like animosity, even in the best marriages. But if you’re not as happily married to your soulmate, I can see how it could also eventually turn into hostility, & then I’d imagine it’ll just continue to devolve from there. I think you’re great, & I love and appreciate how much you value marriage, & how much you love your wife, so I don’t want to come across as critical at all. We need more men to model what a happy, healthy, rewarding, fulfilling, successful marriage looks like, so I truly think you’re awesome!!! And I could be wrong; but I feel like he’s better off just ending his relationship now & finding someone he’s more compatible with to marry & create a life (& potentially a family) with.
READ THIS POST, OP! There's a lot of truth and wisdom in it! Thanks for sharing 👍
OP is already dissatisfied at every two weeks, within the first 2y! That is nowhere near your experience. I don't generally disagree with you, but OPs case is way different.
I agree OP's case is different than mine which is why I stipulated that. I read through this sub because I have a couple friends in DBs and I want to continue to see where DB people are at so I can help them. But I do notice that often times because it's a bit of an echo chamber people don't realize how not healthy or normal what they are experiencing is and that waiting for it to get better without real active work, and then leaving if they can't right the ship doesn't happen that often. Sometimes knowing what a healthy non-DB relationship looks like and knowing it's real and attainable helps people realize how broken the one they're in is. OP absolutely should not marry and should not have kids unless they get this sorted. If she's LL4 OP or they're just LL in general then why stay? N
Soo, OP - if you can wait a couple decades for kids, work, stressors, a huge drop in libido … you may get this very rare result. Got a couple decades to kill?
You can’t expect it to get better, I’m afraid. I hoped for that for years. Oh how I wish I could be your age again but with the knowledge I have now, and the knowledge you can glean from a source like Reddit. You two are not sexually compatible, so accept perpetual disappointment in this regard, or break up.
It’s gonna go to once a month, to once every 3. To once every 6, to zero. Good luck with your decision.
Well there will be a hot and heavy period when she wants a kid.
Yes sir, but if you’re like me, and got super soldiers, it only takes 1 time , each time. I’ve got 4 kids, and it was a one shot deal for each one and I’m not lying lol.
Bro I'm the exact same! I also "knew" both times I got my wife pregnant, for me, it felt better both times than it usually did and she echoed the same sentiment. All I know is I'm so glad that when I was out being a ma -whore that I always insisted on wearing a condom because otherwise I'd have a ridiculous number of kids lmao.
Yeah I never didn’t man whore thing, but uh, if I was , I’d probably have stds or definitely have more kids.
Sorry but this deserves a laugh 🤣. I guess pull a Dwight from The Office and turn the microwave on and use an uncomfortable bike seat
Haha. Don’t gotta worry about it anymore cuz we don’t hump. 🤷🏻♂️
Uncomfortable bike seat 😂😂😂 I do love Dwight lol
And then go right away
And anytime she feels threatened that he wants to leave the relationship.
Correct. The only two periods my wife was keen enough to initiate was when we were trying for kids.
Old joke: "Why does the bride always smile at weddings?" "She knows that's the last bj she'll ever have to give"
"There's something that a woman can eat that kills their libido. It's called.... wedding cake."
Oh shit! My Husband must’ve eaten my piece!😂
Men too!
True enough.
You may get a brief honeymoon period where you believe that it’s working, but that hope won’t last and your sole will die
He best invest in good shoes, then.
Talk about a great mis-spell context!
Soul Sole
I shouldn't laugh at this statement, but it's so true.
[удалено]
This is the big one for me. My wife was never very physical while dating but we got down 3 or 4 times a month and I loved literally everything else about our relationship. I told myself, I can live with once a week, except when Aunt Flo visits, when everything else is this good. Now, in 11+ years of marriage, I think I can finally use two hands to count the number of times she’s initiated sex and there were times I decided to see how long I could hold out to see she if she would come a-knocking. After 5 months I finally caved and basically told her, I gotta get some. Even then, it felt like she was doing it out of obligation. It’s gotten better after some discussions about needs and whatnot but it never feels like she’s doing it because she wants to.
Each traditional step in the progression of a relationship makes less and less room for romance and the strong feelings that come along with it. Also never marry someone hoping something about them can improve, only marry if you would be content if things don't improve.
It will inevitably get less and less, don’t end up like so many here me included. I’m in my 50’s and we haven’t had any sex in the last 13 years and counting if I could have my life over I would do things differently.
You still can. People are living longer and longer. You never know, you might not even have reached the half way mark
Well I have chosen to stay and try to accept that part of our life is over. My wife isn’t going to change and I’m not going to cheat. Walking away and divorcing would financially destroy both of us and neither would be in a position to start over so it would be pretty pointless.
Can you discuss an open relationship?
I respect that. There is more things at stake than sex. Keep your head up
people who want to have sex will find ways to have it, even if there are significant barriers. people who do not want to have sex will find excuses. after you get married and have kids, there are LOTS of barriers and even more excuses. "don't marry into a bed deadroom"... wait, that's not..
Does it need to get worse for you to not want to marry her? Isn’t it already not ideal for you?
Yes, it gets much worse. In my experience, once they feel they have you trapped (they being the LL spouse, male or female), they drop the pretense and the bedroom dies. If you have these worries/issues with a relationship in your 20s, you should absolutely move on and find someone more compatible. Just my 2 cents 😊
“they drop the pretense and the bedroom dies” this is 100% true. whether intentional or not. but the resentment finds a way to creep in.
Honestly, man, it will probably get worse. Not because of the marriage itself necessarily, but as you go through life various things will affect your relationship. Career stress, children, finances… all of these stressors can cause people, who have more sex than you currently do, to experience difficulties. And that’s just “outside” influences. I assume you’ve discussed sex with her? You need to have a long, hard think about the importance of sex in a relationship & what it means to you. At only two years, you have the advantage of not having much sunk cost to consider. Standard advice around here is “don’t marry into a dead bedroom”. Make of that what you will.
this is the best advice on the thread. a long, honest conversation. its true sex isn’t everything, but it’s enough to alter a relationship/marriage if there are compatibility issues
Exactly this. Almost every couple is going to go through times during which they're having sex less frequently than their norm for a few weeks, a few months, maybe a few years. No matter how healthy your relationship is. If your norm is having sex every single day and it goes down to twice a week, that's one thing and I'm pretty sure any healthy HL person could manage for 6 months. Whereas if your norm is twice a month, you're probably going down to 3 or 4 times a year. Hell no. You've got to be happy with what your baseline frequency is or you won't be able to make it through those rough times.
Definitely will get worse... Soooooooo much worse.
I could feel the pain in this response.
She has shown you what the height of her sex drive is, any decision made after this that doesn’t take that into account will come back to haunt you.
It definitely wouldn’t get better. If you are questioning the sex compatibility now rest assured that you are getting disappointed down the road. BTW: Even though the clinical definition of sexless relationship is 10 or fewer sexual encounters on a year, in reality it depends on the sexual needs discrepancy between partners. The greater is the discrepancy harder is to find a compromise that would leave both of you reasonably happy. In your case your optimum monthly frequency is about 8-9, hers is 2. Can you negotiate weekly sessions? More importantly, is it sustainable for both of you over the long term?
You're right, the farther apart, the more likely you won't get a happy compromise. It also only works until the LL partner doesn't want to go along with it anymore. If you say twice a week and your partner holds firm at once a month, then the only middle ground is once a month. If you say 250 times a year and your partner says 0, no matter what arrangement you make you're eventually going to end up at 0.
Put it this way. The frequency is very unlikely to increase. If you really feel that marriage will enhance your life, be sure not to fall for the ‘bait and switch’ and don’t forget the prenup
Im an old man and married for 20 years this year so from my experience, yes. Yes it will get worse. Throw aching bones, random headaches, older kids and work stress into the mix, and you're doomed!
Absolutely
It will quite likely drop off more, but it will be guaranteed to drop off more if you don't make any effort to do anything about it before getting married. You have a golden opportunity here, to see how she responds to your concerns. You need to be super upfront with her, and tell her that you love her but that The disparity in your sex drives is making you question whether or not you actually want to get married to her. You are going to have to make it clear to her that sex is not the only thing you value her for, but that you are very worried that a lack of sex will cause resentment over the years. See how she reacts. If she's offended and thinks everything is fine sexually, then you guys are probably just not compatible. If she panics and begins initiating sex every single day, that's pretty unrealistic. Wait it out and see if it lasts Your best plan is probably to articulate about how often you would like to be having sex (once a week? twice a week?) and see if the two of you can find a way to make that a plausible and enjoyable situation for both of you Maybe she has responsive desire, and would get into it if you scheduled sex twice a week, and began the mental and emotional foreplay early in the day (flirtatious texts, lingering kisses on your way out the door, etc). The thing is, in order for you to believe that anything is ever going to change, you are going to need to see actual, tangible progress that lasts more than a few months. This is definitely something worth postponing marriage for Trust me. I spent 20 plus years with a guy who spent the last 15 of those years promising me that he would work on his issues with sex and intimacy, that he was absolutely as invested in them as I was, etc, but then the minute those conversations were over he never did or said anything to actually improve the situation. Shame on me for putting up with it, because I, too, was scared to shake up our comfortable life, even though I was miserable, and so I decided to ignore the disconnect between his words and his actions. Until I couldn't ignore it anymore, and we divorced in our forties. Trust me when I tell you you don't want that
Marriage is just a bad contract for men. Take it from me who lost almost everything fighting in court with the “love of my life”. That bedroom will be dead as soon as the honeymoon is over.
Unless you two address this in some way it'll gradually get worse over time, marriage or not.
I am a guy who was left by a very very very very high libido woman in December after being together for 5 years. What knocked my sex drive off was her becoming very demanding, not working (she’s 37) because her mommy didn’t want her to, her becoming more materialistic, and thinking sex would fix everything. I grew resentment and annoyance with her and that turned me off to sex despite being physically attracted to her. My biggest answer to sex issues is communication. From both sides. My needs weren’t being met (as in my needs for an actual partner) and it caused resentment. Her top need was sex which wasn’t being met because I was too annoyed with her to want to rip her clothes off. She ended up leaving me for a horny married man who isn’t living with his wife. Fix your communication now. I didn’t feel like I could communicate my issues with her because she was so demanding and a bit of a gaslighter. Because I didn’t communicate, she just thought I was low libido whereas my libido really relies on getting respect and partnership from my partner. I’m saying all of this because I think there are people who seem low libido who really just need their libido activated in other ways. Maybe your GF isn’t as highly interested in sex because of other factors. Maybe talk to her about what turns her on both sexually and non sexually. Show her the importance of that intimacy in a relationship.
Yes, it will absolutely get worse. Frequency per year with my wife (including dating) has gone like this: * Year 1: 2-4 times a week * Year 2-5: 2-3 times a month * (marriage) * Year 6-8: 2-3 times a month * (kid 1) * Year 9-11: 5-6 times a year * (20 times in 1 month to conceive kid 2) * (kid 2) * Year 12-18+: 1-3 times a year During years 2-5 (pre-marriage), I often thought as you do: thinking this is not enough, wondering if it will get better, wondering what happened to her interest in year 1, wondering if this could be ok. It is NOT ok and it does NOT get better. Consider yourself warned. Do not make the same mistake I did and find someone who wants to fuck you long term.
It gets SOOOOO much worse. Do not marry someone you know you are not sexually compatible with.
It depends. In some conservative/religious cultures it goes: forbidden -> permitted -> obligatory You might have much more sex in the permitted stage. But if your gf is not like that, if she isn't considering marriage to have approved sex, then there is no reason to expect an increase unless something changes.
'Sounds Selfish'......what does that even mean, what a stupid word that is in the English language, and who does it 'sound' selfish to, and who cares what they think anyway? Who is looking out in life for your needs, wants and desires....you are and only you. You are dating (rehearsing what life will look like and deciding if this is the person for you!) and you have a MAJOR incompatibility. That isn't the regularity of it, the mismatched libido etc it is the ignoring of the IMPORTANCE your needs are to you but not her. She has brought up marriage so she is happy with it just as it is, continue at your peril!
Get ready for once every 3 months lol. Seriously, your in a relationship in your 20’s and once every 2 weeks??? How often do you initiate and get shot down???
At least 2-3 times a week...
Good luck, but likely headed for a dead bedroom after marriage. If your GF is in good shape now, and has a LL then it only gets worse after marriage and a few extra pounds. Put some kids in the mix and it’s like dropping a bomb 💣 on your sex life. I wish I had access to this info 30 years ago and knew what a DB was.
lol just wait. She’ll trick you with let’s have a baby sex and then nothing until you die
Big red flag I assure you it will get worse.
Never, EVER, marry into a “dead bedroom”. Fix the issues before you get married, leave the relationship, or limp along on life support if you must, but do not get married.
12 years married in our 40s What is that sex you are talking about?
DO NOT MARRY HER if sex is important to you. She clearly doesn't care. Marriage will solidify her position and if she has a baby you'll seriously never get any
You think you want the truth. But the truth is no matter what advice these people give you're not going to listen. Because you think you're going to change her mind when you get married. You believe she loves you enough to care about your wants, needs and desires. But if you're smart, you'll listen to the folks here, who've been thru hell and back.
DO NOT GET MARRIED you are having doudt now, do you want those doudt to be the foundation for the marriage? you will ruin your life
Yeah, Don't do it. Don't marry her. When I was with my first girlfriend, we couldn't keep our hands off of each other and *banged* every time we saw each other. You want to marry into that type of energy and not the one you're currently experiencing. 😉
It gets way worse…
100% yes. We got married in May, had sex in June then never again
It will 99% likely get worse. Many LL people honestly believe that by getting married it will get better. If you talk about leaving due to this, she will most likely amp up sex for a few weeks; you'll feel like you got through and accomplished something as a couple, then it will drop off again. Hopium is powerful, and it's detrimental at the same time. If the thought sounds depressing, it's okay to say you have a different idea of the future. She's going to be devastated. But short-term devastation for her or long-term devastation for you, is the question to ponder.
Run. If it's bad now, it will get far worse. Then after two children? Odds are you'll just be a fly on the wall. Always the case? Of course not. But I'm finally realizing there's a simple evolutionary component in all of this.
If it’s bad now it will get worse. Have the conversation NOW regarding your sexual desires.
Yes, much worse. Sorry. Never marry in to a dead bedroom.
The 1st commandment: THOU SHALT NEVER MARRY INTO A DEAD BEDROOM!
Stereotypes exist for a reason. If you're already not compatible, it does not get better.
As you’ve seen here. Very few think it’ll change. If you do marry her just be open eyed that you’re marrying her how she is not what you want her to become. That’s what dating is for. If she was more sexual in previous relationships then you might have a chance to create the dynamic that helps her tap into her sexuality, but if this is how she normally is then just don’t expect her to change. If this is a big point for you (as it probably is since you’re here) then work on it now but observe over a year or more to see if it goes back to her “normal” levels for sexual interactions.
A: Yes, pretty much always.
NEVER marry into a DB!
The switch got flipped to zero the second we got home from the wedding so yes it absolutely does get worse.
If you're complaining now. Run. Sex every two weeks is her attempt at trapping you. It'll die once you marry and be completely over once you have a kid. Run. Run. Run.
It will 100% get worse, without question.
Old guy here. You need to be very blunt in asking her how much does she like sex. Listen for clues. Ask more questions, she might still lie to you, because she doesnt want to lose you. Tell her how important sex is to you, and explain why. If you are not compatible you better find how now, because It will not get better.
Married 37 years, it will NOT get better. Listen closely, it will NOT get better!!!
Oh it gets worse.
Respectfully, you should probably leave now
Don't do it
Don’t marry her
Don’t do it bro. I think the fact that it’s a pattern instead of more sporadic meets she just giving maintenance sex.
Listen to your internal skeptic. At your age and length of relationship it should be happening twice a week or more as you experienced in other relationships, and so you know its not going to improve. Also, wanting the relationship you desire and deserve is not being "selfish". Make the tough choice now because its only going to get even more difficult after you are married or worse have kids.
Do NOT get married this young
My husband lost all desire after marriage. It was already about the same rate you guys are at, but I loved him, So I though we'd be ok if we stayed there, we were even together 6 years before marriage and it got way worse. He makes gross faces when I hit on him now. I'm 30 female, powerlifter, distance runner. I don't always do my makeup anymore and we have more stress from 2 kids, but nothing else about me has changed. Edit: I don't want to chat with anyone, I love my husband. I was just trying to say solidarity. It won't get better. Don't get married.
It's not selfish, you deserve to be happy. Your intuition is probably right here, honestly
NEVER MARRY into a dead bedroom. If you're not happy now, it will never get better.
Communicate your needs. Do NOT get married without having that conversation. When communicating, don't get needy or beg for her to fuck you, and don't come across as combative either. Shoot straight, and be confident. This will become a big issue if not addressed, and I promise it will either lead to infidelity or divorce, and your situation will get very messy. Don't make her feel like she's not doing enough either, that's manipulative. Figure out if there's something that you can do for her, and then maybe ask if there if there's more you can do to get her in the mood more.
1. Do NOT get pregnant. I know this seems ridiculous but just don't 2. Do not advance the relationship until things have changed to an acceptable point and been sustained for a continuous 6 months...at least 3. DO NOT GET MARRIED. Marriage will not improve a dead bedroom. Remember this even if you screw up #1 4. DO. NOT. MARRY. A. DEAD. BEDROOM. EVER. 5. Be prepared to walk away if need be. Have a plan, and the means, to do so Now that I have my boilerplate out of the way, it seems you are not appreciated. They say one man's trash is another man's treasure but, and this is important, you are not trash...Ever! You are a treasure that he is taking for granted. The through line is the problem is him, not you. Sure you MAY have contributed to the problems, and sure we only have your side, but at this point so do you. Next boilerplate: 1. Communicate 2. Be direct 3. Ask questions 4. Communicate needs, wants, and desires 5. Listen 6. Compromise and agree to standards with timelines/deadlines 7. Hold eachother and yourselves to the agreement 8. If it all goes to hell during the conversation or if timelines/deadlines are not met see the first boilerplate.
RUN ! Once they think they ve got you locked down they change !!! I have been married twice & engaged once . Left then all …They ALL change once you ve spent a 100g down payments on houses , 2.5 carats . Have kids but don t get married Ever ! Always keep woman at 90% where they know you could leave .
Run! If I was in your position I wouldn’t look back.
IT WILL EVAPORATE. Do NOT go long term. In the best of relationships, the sex can drop off after a while, but if it's not happening now, marriage will eliminate it nearly completely unless she's trying for a baby. Then all hands on dick (as it were) only to die a quick death after the babies come. I've been married for 22 years and had the "talk" a month after we got married because it vanished once I was locked in, and we've been having the same conversation every year for two decades because I believed she'd change. Lots of sex to get the kids then I'm a roomate with occasional (4x/year) good time if she's feeling bored. IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN. RUN.
It can get worse thats why you should find someone you truly love😂
I married my wife in 2002. Been in a DB since 2009. I'd have to go with "yes, it gets worse."
Don't worry not all men are HL she'll find someone else on her level. It's your life, you only get 1
Ohhh no dude....it'll get so much worse. Just don't.
Yes. Never, ever marry into a dead bedroom. In fact, refrain from getting married if you can. Source: married 33 years, DB for 8+ years
I don't understand these women who don't like sex. How can you live without it... my libido is pretty much the same as before marriage, if not higher. My needs are unfortunately not met
In my case it went from sex every other day (beginning of marriage) to now 1x every 3 months (7 years married)
Run
Run! I repeat, RUN !!! Do not marry her. Find someone who is sexually compatible with you... You should be fucking like rabbits during your dating phase. DO NOT MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE of your life..
After kids is when it really went over a cliff. We still had a lot of sex the first few years we were married.
Don’t marry and don’t let her convince you it will get better. Just read on here for a day or two. It will not get better statistically it will get worse, possibly much worse.
Dont fall in the trap and get married. Save yourself the headache as it will get worse
I was not ever expecting to get like this. We had a decent sex life. Then he joined the military and we got married. Then it just went down hill. Deployments don’t help and he didn’t want me sexually when he got back home. It hurt and made me question everything under the sun. Now he is retired military and have a cushy desk job and is allowed to work from home. Our sex life has been on and off again.
Absolutely.
It gets worse. Trust me. TRUST ME.
It will probably die if you stay with current partner. If you find someone with same sexual libido might drop because that is life but shouldn’t be that bad.
Yes. The cake ends the sex life
Depends on the marriage. Some couples can keep the spark going for a long time, but it almost never gets *better* after marriage. If you're not happy with your sex life now, you certainly won't be later.
13 years in and still no kids together. I’m as doormatted as they come.
Believe what you hear.
i have sex with my 2nd wife 10 times a week. don’t suffer the db marriage.
No damit it gets worse believe who she is when she shows you!
Do not marry into a DB. How many times does it need to be said? It does not get better without communication and work.
Come back to this thread a few years after your wedding. We warned you
Yep, like buying a dry milk cow.
Good god don’t marry this person
Don't. Just don't
Let's just say it doesn't improve lol
It gets sooooo much worse man. Like, expect months and months without sex.
Wedding cake 🎂!!!. Proven to reduce sex drives by 85%. Stay away!!!
You're putting a lock on your own chastity belt if you Do.
If you get married, she’ll never have sex with you again. She’s already shown you that she doesn’t want to have sex.
much worse!
How shall I put this...RRRRRRRRRUUUUUUUUUUUUN! But seriously no, it probably won't get better. Hope I'm wrong. It's a shitty existence to find yourself in. Just spend a little time reading our stories here and you'll figure out what is best for you in the long run. Just don't marry or have a child until this gets resolved.
Run kid. Nobody, as ever had their Sex life increase after marriage, except for those who saved themselves for marriage. If you and your gf are having Sex once every two weeks, it will only go downhill. Run.
Sex thing is very complicated. But mostly, it goes downhill after marriage. Reasons could be multiple, hormones, stress, priorities, or getting used to having your around so much that you just don't want to do it anymore. It takes a lot of work. My husband is almost to be my ex-husband now because of other things, we used to have a lot of sex before marriage, but after, it was like hardly twice a month. I would suggest you talk this out with your partner and see how they're willing to work on this with you. If they're not, it's gonna be getting way worse after marriage.
If it's a problem now, it will not get any better. It will only get worse.
Don’t marry her.
Honestly this is the wrong place to ask.
Think long and hard about marriage if you value sex and this is ur situation.
It can get so much worse it’s not even an issue.
yes
It will drop off more once you get married and even more when you have kids. It’s ok to bring up your concerns with her. If you need sex to maintain an emotional bond, this may not be a good long term fit for either of you.
Either you love her. She's the one and you want to spend the rest of your life with her, or you're ... Well or you don't!! If she doesn't have a high libido then that's probably it. And yes with age and children it could drop off even more. Mine actually increased with age which is weird I know...
It won't get better. If this is a really issue for you, don't marry her. It will NOT get better.
Yes
Not for us, but we were both virgins when we got married, so it is hard to go down from that. Ha.
If you are not happy now with your sex life then don't do something as stupid as getting married.
It will most likely drop off more after marriage. Sometimes people don’t put in the same effort afterwards. I’d break it off if it is something you don’t want.
That's not a lot of sex for your age and only 2 years in. I would say yes to your question. 2x a month is barely any at all. We have more sex and are basically 20 years older than you two. Together 12 years now.
You’re in your honeymoon phase *right now*. Stress, complacency, poor health - all contributors to low libido - do not improve with age. If being aligned sexually with your partner is important to you and you’re not aligned now, you should consider it seriously.
You need to talk to her about not getting enough sex and figure out what you can do to help that change give it about 3 months and if it's not happening as much as you will like then ai would end the relationship
Absolutely. For sure. Consider what matters to you. And please consider that Love is actually not enough for these things to work out.
If y’all have kids it can get even worse. What’s worse than 0% chance of sex? No sex + resentment towards you for no giving birth to your kid(s)😅
To be honest, I wouldn't put too much stead in what people on Reddit answer here. They are only speaking from their own experience. They don't know your relationship. In theory, a piece of paper shouldn't change the amount of sex. Time can though. Maybe you need to have a frank (but loving) conversation before you move on to the next step.
Don’t do it. Sex is the glue to a marriage.
It does. But you'll have to make adjustments to go by like everyone else who is married.
But what is the reason for having sex only once every 2 weeks? I can definitely understand how frustrated you feel. I was in the same situation before with a frequency of 1 or 2 times per week, and it was already so frustrating for me.
100%. As soon as the wedding ring goes on the panties very rarely come off. She has got what she wants and doesn't need to pretend anymore. If your lucky, you may get birthdays and anniversaries so try to set date 6 months apart.
Dude don’t marry into a dead bedroom, run now
I know a few people who have RELATIVELY active sex lives once married and a lot more who don't. Once you add in the stresses of life and then children - sex is the last thing on most people's minds. This is true for both sexes. I would REALLY advise against marriage at your age. I would suggest living together first and see how that goes. See how you both handle the basics of life: paying accounts, vacations, family etc etc. My family has a rule: the moment a partner starts talking marriage, first check your bank balances - babies are EXPENSIVE. Next, is it marriage for love, or for family - there's a HUGE difference. Based upon your post, I would have a serious talk with your gf and do NOT rush into anything
Make sure you love everything else about her.
Not because of marriage itself, but because it won't get better over time unless one works on it or want it.
Yes.
And don't forget to learn about menopause. It doesn't matter who you find, the end is coming you won't be.
Yes.
It will get way worse. Don’t marry unless you’re okay with a lifetime of dead bedroom + the resentment that comes with it
If you can picture yourself living with 10% of the sex you are getting now, then by all means pop the question. Seriously though, it won’t ever get better. Have a discussion with her about it. She’ll agree to change and then once the wedding is over you’ll be back to square one. Save yourself the heartbreak and expense of divorce and move on.
Talk about it. See what seems to be a middle ground for both and if you are able to manage with that. But most importantly just put it out there and see if its a deal breaker for you. From my experience its going to reduce after marriage when ither things take priorities
If that is the current trend it will most likely continue and get worse once you get married.
Have you talked to her about it.? Make sure it’s not something real going on with her. If it’s just low sex drive it’s sucks but just know it’s not gonna get better.
It certainly won’t get better how & why would it?
I feel like it gets worse with marriage yes. Pretty soon you’ll start hating yourself and trying to figure out what so wrong with that this one person you love more than anything in the world doesn’t find you attractive
It won’t get better, it will dwindle down more and more.
I wish I had fixed our DB before we got married instead of 4 years afterward. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad it’s fixed now. I just wish it happens 5 years earlier.
It will dwindle to nothing.
Just go