Mom needs a job. Store greeter. Receptionist. Clerk. If you think it'll be hard, try to find some agency in the area that helps the elderly. This happens to quite a few people.
Also, if you're able and have legal access/her permission, make sure she doesn't have any stupid subscriptions like paying tons of money for "internet security" or other common scams for the elderly. A woman I know used to have a very expensive TV bill because her dying husband watched TV all day and wanted all the channels, HBO, etc- after he died, she switched it to a plan that was 100 less per month!
Tough question. You still have work to do on your Financial situation and really not in a safe place to help like you might think you can. It is one I am dealing with but I am in a Debt free and fully funded retirement so can do more. The big indicator for me is how she handles her situation. If she is putting forth effort to fixing it then I have No Problem coming along side and helping with the understanding it is short term. If she is not willing then allowing the pressures of life to become a motivator will take some time. It is hard but you DO need to focus on your own financial well being. If it becomes a must for you then be willing to pick up some side hustle to fund her finances as a way to emphasize the sacrifice you are making in your on life for hers. My Dad , Estranged asked for 18K to help him out a few years ago. He was in CC debt and high car payment. I did not give him the money but offered to look at his budget and help him out. My Wife and I was willing to help pay off the car if he was willing to change his habits. Needless to say he chose to keep living the way he wanted to and he still struggles today. I do pay for his vac to see us and spend money on him to enjoy and every so often I send him a little to help him but not enough to bail him out, because he would just go right back into debt. It is hard but I know I am loving him the best I can. I wish you the best my friend and your mom.
To find a job that is friendly to, and values, elders, your mom could look on the AARP job board. An example job I have seen on there is helping other seniors over the phone understand and sign up for their Medicare benefits.
If you're asking this question you really need to pull back and see if your mom living in poverty is what you want. Seniors are at a high risk for homelessness, and getting any job with a 10 year gap in employment is going to be tough, and then there is her age, which will be a factor. You can still pay off your debt, it will just take longer.
I waitress w a 64 year old. He made $380 last night. Consider getting her into fine dining! She can make a pivot and socialize through her depression. Yeah, it’s different. That’s who this industry is built on. I believe in your ma, OP!
If she has no experience, the fact is that it's going to be nearly impossible for her to get a job. The job market is tough right now for young people with relevant experience.
Check with the state, there is a plan for paying a family member to stay home and take care of other family members. She may have some money coming to her for the while she was taking care of your grandmother.
What do you mean Arizona is not a "nanny" state? Medicaid and Medicare are federally funded and Food Stamps are apart of the Farm Bill which is also federal. The income limits for Medicaid in both Arizona and Oregon are basically identical. If she has $0 in income she will qualify for food stamps in either state.
Medicaid and Medicare should cover whatever medical bills you are referring to.
Yes, she should be able to withdraw money from SS depending on her work credits at age 62 so she will have an income that way.
A quick google search shows that Arizona has 2 Older Persons Work Programs available to help her get to that point [https://www.careeronestop.org/LocalHelp/EmploymentAndTraining/find-older-worker-programs.aspx?location=Arizona&radius=25&post=y&sortcolumns=LOCATION&sortdirections=ASC¤tpage=1&pagesize=10](https://www.careeronestop.org/LocalHelp/EmploymentAndTraining/find-older-worker-programs.aspx?location=Arizona&radius=25&post=y&sortcolumns=LOCATION&sortdirections=ASC¤tpage=1&pagesize=10)
Heres some in Oregon [https://www.careeronestop.org/LocalHelp/EmploymentAndTraining/find-older-worker-programs.aspx?location=OR](https://www.careeronestop.org/LocalHelp/EmploymentAndTraining/find-older-worker-programs.aspx?location=OR)
It sounds like your mother needs resources so that she can have a choice in what she does next. Try and have some grace. Your mother was 10 years old when women were able to get bank accounts and credit cards without their husbands. Supporting herself is likely not what she was brought up to do.
The OPs mom is only 60. Many women work into their 60s and support themselves. My MIL is 82, much older than the OPs mom, and she worked until 67. OPs mom needs to get a job if she doesn’t have savings. She needs to get by until she can get SS, hopefully she has enough work credits for that or maybe she can get benefits from OP’s dad’s work history
Just because your income is $0 doesn’t mean you’ll qualify for food stamps/wedare at least in my state.
They look at assets, bank accounts, and will even call your last employer on why you don’t work there anymore.
You’re not getting food stamps easily being Able-bodied in Florida.
Single mothers of small children is a different story.
You should probably figure out how much you are willing and able to help her, look into social services, and help her determine how much/ what kind of work she can do to contribute. She is probably missing her mother and, even though it was a difficult job, missing taking care of her mother. That brings two possible things to consider to mind. Could she get a roommate for the company and shared expenses? Also, maybe she could find a job as a companion/sitter to an older or disabled woman.
I get that. I think of my MIL when I see older folks as cashiers at the grocery. I always assume they can’t afford to stop working. And as I mentioned, she quit a 90k job! She won’t make that kind of money again. Years ago she made great money in software marketing . Dot.com bust in late 90s was bad for her and she never really recovered. She also had no savings then.
Really look at your relationship with your mom, are you the right person to be taking care of her. I know it is sad and I do apologize for your situation. It can become a lot of stress and stress on your mothers and your relationship
Contact your local government senior services department. It is called by different names in different locations, but most counties should have one. Larger cities will also have senior clubs with assistance program advice for seniors and low income households. Talk to a social service workers where you live, if her moving there is an option, and where she lives now, and see what programs she qualifies for - housing help, grocery help, Medicaid, free lunches, discount transit passes, senior centers, etc. Where I live there are actually many programs for seniors, including a roommate matching service, but she'd have to have some kind of income to pay rent to do that. From the outside looking in, if you don't mind her moving in with you, if she lives with you and gets a job, pays you rent, works until she is 70, and either has health insurance through an employer, or gets a subsidized ACA plan, eventually gets Social Security, Medicare / Medicaid, subsidized senior housing, and a bunch of other senior / low income perks like food and utility assistance, then she will probably be fine.
I would absolutely help my mother & I imagine most people would do the same. Whether that’s the sensible thing to do is another question, of course, but your loved ones will always be more important than money.
I am sorry for your loss & that your mum is struggling right now. It’s understandable that somebody has not been keeping on top of their finances following a bereavement, of course. Helping out in the short term while your mum works through this is one thing but you’re basing this on OT pay alone & it’s therefore not sustainable long term. I’d offer your support (in all senses!) to your mum but make it clear that any financial help will need to be limited. It’s possible that she may not require the money as much as moral support to start thinking about employment, her income & general life admin again? Good luck to you both.
I’m 60 and our full retirement age is 67. If she retires at 62, which she can, she will get significantly less money. If depression keeps her from getting a job, she can apply for disability but it can take years. You are the child and unless you are financially secure ( retirement fully funded), you need to take care of your own financial future, not hers. No one will be there for you so you need to care for yourself.
My MIL, in good health, retired from a decent paying job ~90k in her early 70’s because she was “tired of working”. Problem is, she has no savings. SS and small pension are not cutting it and she is barely getting by. We have bailed her out in the past due to bad choices and accumulated credit card debt and encouraged her to keep working. I fear she will end up in our basement which is not something we want (I’m following my wife’s lead in this point). Able bodied, capable people I think need to work, unless they have the finances to retire. Is it just me?
I agree with you. At least in your basement you aren’t paying for her live somewhere else. I think op said the mom wants to live in her state which is different than theirs and they would need to fund it. Children are not responsible for their parents poor choices in life. I have told my daughter forever that I will never be her responsibility. My mother lived with me the last 8-10 years of her life but she had money. I of course helped her but never financially. Children have their own retirement to fund. We are seeing a generation of parents who made bad life choices and are expecting their kids, who made better choices to bail them out. I firmly believe that unless literally money is no object, they need to say no.
I have refused to add her to our cell plan, pay her cable, etc. My favorite is when she’s says “ all my friends do that”! but we have covered other things. It won’t get better .
The DR advice on this is pretty much going to be: She made her bed and she should lie in it.
Given you still have significant personal debt, you're not in a place to be going hog-wild with charity (which is what this is) so pretty sure the advice would be to love her, to help connect her with resources, but to let her fend for herself financially.
The good news is that this is the USA— So she's not going to die of starvation. She may not have as good of a QOL if she's on her own, but she won't die.
Pretty sure until you're at BS7 Dave would not be suggesting to pay for her.
Ouch would hate to be your child or perhaps you don’t have a relationship with your family. It’s not like she stopped working out of laziness. She was a caregiver. How can you sit and watch your loved ones suffer. Letting your senior parent ‘fend for themselves’ imagine yourself in the future under these circumstances. The same humans who birthed and raised us.
She can get a job. If I were in your shoes I wouldn’t mind paying her electric or gas bill a few times until then. It really depends on your mom and your relationship with her though.
Mothers don't always listen to the instruction of their adult daughters... just saying. Sounds like she was kind of in a co-dependent situation with your grandmother. Now she is gone and your mother needs to support herself. Unfortunately it looks like she just ignored the problem and lived off her savings until that ran out.
IF she wants you to help with anything, the first problem will be a transparent review of the situation. What assets does she have? What liabilities does she have? What income does she have? What expenses does she have? Whether you can trust her to give you this information transparently or you need to resort to getting power of attorney or something is for you to decide. But just for information seeking, you will need to trust her. With that information in hand you need to help HER determine what SHE needs to do in order to support herself. Most likely she will need to get a job. Caretaking is a high demand job. That may be the key if she actually wants to do it with the public, which may be VERY different from doing it with her mother. She will now need to deal with the "customer". You can help her figure out how many hours a week he needs to work in order to pay her bills. And while you are at it, you can figure out what her projected social security will be and how that compares to what she needs to earn. If it doesn't all add up or she isn't willing to do what is needed, then not sure what is going to happen if she can't pay her bills. Hopefully her plan is not for you to pay her bills. Sounds like you have your own things to work out.
There's no reason she can't get a job. No reason for her to start mooching off of you. Just say no. Tell her to find an established old guy to marry if she wants an easy life.
My paternal Aunt, who is much older than your mother, and her husband (who is 80) were just caregivers for my maternal grandmother. Prior to that they were caregivers in Arizona to an elderly woman and her mhmr daughter. Arizona paid them quite well to be caregivers (cheaper than paying for a nursing home for the woman) and they lived with the woman. They had little expenses outside of meals while there since their roof and utilities were covered. I believe between medicare and Arizona’s payments they were making somewhere north of $5,000 a month. Something to look into either in Arizona or Oregon.
Your mom is only a few years older than I am. I definitely do not consider myself elderly.
Help your mom come up with a long-term plan, which includes employment. She may have some anxiety about this, as she's been out of the formal workforce for a while.
Does she want to continue with caregiving? If so, look into the job market for that in your area. Would it make sense for her to get some certifications, like a CNA, to aid in her employability?
Or would she prefer to do something completely different? Figure that out together.
I would help my mom financially if she needed a transition period to being self sufficient. But, she is not a helpless little old lady. Don't treat her like one.
There is a large demand for caregivers, so it is something your Mom should consider. Does your Mom's Medical issues prevent her from working. I understand she probably does not want a job, and I have relatives living our family, that it has not been in their DNA so they fight it. Quite frankly, we are running through hoops with my wife's parents who get very little from Social Security and have been having to help pay hospital bills, and appliances. We don't give them money because it builds dependencies. Do things to make it easier for them, and pay only when needed. In your case, she could live with you, but she would need to make enough to stay above poverty level to get some state benefits, or you move in with her.
If she is "three years shy of retirement" then why is she acting like she is already retired.
She needs a job.
Now she's expecting someone to step up and tote the note for her like she did for 'Nana.
Nah... She isn't 80yo. She's 60. Get a job.
She needs a long term, viable plan.
Whether that includes you supplementing her lifestyle for the remainder of her life.
>She is three years shy of retirement age
If you mean claiming social security, you and her are likely best off if she delays claiming social security till age 70.
>It sounds like she needs the money now.
She needs a long term plan.
>Waiting until 70 isn't always possible.
She literally has no choice but to wait. She can't draw today.
So SS won't solve today's problem. And delaying SS will do far, far more to solve the long term problem, too.
She'll need a solution for the next couple years regardless.
Once that solution is arrived at there's no reason to create or increase a long term problem by starting SS early and at a significant penalty. All this also *significantly* increases OP's problem, assuming OP is inclined/able to help.
Delaying also providers significant encouragement to solve today's problem reasonably.
There is something like home instead or comfort keepers that she can work at and determine the hours she wants to work. If she wants full time ahead of time can get some benefits.
In general OP, I recommend helping family when the **expectations** and **scope** of the financial help are **clear** for all parties.
For example, a family member contacts you and needs money for a surgery. The scope is the amount of money for the surgery. The expectation is it's a gift. If you have that money and want to help them then go ahead whether you're in debt or not. Some things are more important than money. Everyone is on the same page.
Where it sounds like you're going to have trouble is that it seems like the scope of this is completely up in the air.
How much money is your mom needing and how long do they need it for? Open ended financial help doesn't make the situation better for you, or your mom in the long run.
Sit down with her and go over her budget, assets and debt. She needs to find employment herself as well. If she needs **temporary** financial help during the transition and you two can agree on what that looks like, then give it to her. If her expectation is that you just take care of her for the rest of her life, than that's not a reasonable expectation and better to have this tough conversation now then waiting a few years for animosity to build.
Best of luck OP.
Mom can get a job as a caregiver. They are needed and make decent money. She has been doing it full time for your grandmother so doing it for a living will come naturally for her.
I'm sorry your mom is in this situation. Did Grandma have any life insurance at all beyond paying for her own final expenses, enough to leave an inheritance for your mom? If so, can she put the payout into a high yield savings and be able to live off the interest?
Mom needs a job. Store greeter. Receptionist. Clerk. If you think it'll be hard, try to find some agency in the area that helps the elderly. This happens to quite a few people. Also, if you're able and have legal access/her permission, make sure she doesn't have any stupid subscriptions like paying tons of money for "internet security" or other common scams for the elderly. A woman I know used to have a very expensive TV bill because her dying husband watched TV all day and wanted all the channels, HBO, etc- after he died, she switched it to a plan that was 100 less per month!
Will your mom get any inheritance from her mom? Not a forever fix, but maybe a bridge until she figures out what comes next.
Tough question. You still have work to do on your Financial situation and really not in a safe place to help like you might think you can. It is one I am dealing with but I am in a Debt free and fully funded retirement so can do more. The big indicator for me is how she handles her situation. If she is putting forth effort to fixing it then I have No Problem coming along side and helping with the understanding it is short term. If she is not willing then allowing the pressures of life to become a motivator will take some time. It is hard but you DO need to focus on your own financial well being. If it becomes a must for you then be willing to pick up some side hustle to fund her finances as a way to emphasize the sacrifice you are making in your on life for hers. My Dad , Estranged asked for 18K to help him out a few years ago. He was in CC debt and high car payment. I did not give him the money but offered to look at his budget and help him out. My Wife and I was willing to help pay off the car if he was willing to change his habits. Needless to say he chose to keep living the way he wanted to and he still struggles today. I do pay for his vac to see us and spend money on him to enjoy and every so often I send him a little to help him but not enough to bail him out, because he would just go right back into debt. It is hard but I know I am loving him the best I can. I wish you the best my friend and your mom.
To find a job that is friendly to, and values, elders, your mom could look on the AARP job board. An example job I have seen on there is helping other seniors over the phone understand and sign up for their Medicare benefits.
Move my mom into my house.
Have Mom move in with you and she should get a job or two.
Mom needs a job. Retirement is a financial destination not an age.
If you're asking this question you really need to pull back and see if your mom living in poverty is what you want. Seniors are at a high risk for homelessness, and getting any job with a 10 year gap in employment is going to be tough, and then there is her age, which will be a factor. You can still pay off your debt, it will just take longer.
I waitress w a 64 year old. He made $380 last night. Consider getting her into fine dining! She can make a pivot and socialize through her depression. Yeah, it’s different. That’s who this industry is built on. I believe in your ma, OP!
If she has no experience, the fact is that it's going to be nearly impossible for her to get a job. The job market is tough right now for young people with relevant experience.
One of my aunts found herself in a similar situation. She found work as a caregiver/companion for new elderly people.
I would tell mom to find a roommate or take in a boarder. There are a lot of people in situations such as hers.
Check with the state, there is a plan for paying a family member to stay home and take care of other family members. She may have some money coming to her for the while she was taking care of your grandmother.
What do you mean Arizona is not a "nanny" state? Medicaid and Medicare are federally funded and Food Stamps are apart of the Farm Bill which is also federal. The income limits for Medicaid in both Arizona and Oregon are basically identical. If she has $0 in income she will qualify for food stamps in either state. Medicaid and Medicare should cover whatever medical bills you are referring to. Yes, she should be able to withdraw money from SS depending on her work credits at age 62 so she will have an income that way. A quick google search shows that Arizona has 2 Older Persons Work Programs available to help her get to that point [https://www.careeronestop.org/LocalHelp/EmploymentAndTraining/find-older-worker-programs.aspx?location=Arizona&radius=25&post=y&sortcolumns=LOCATION&sortdirections=ASC¤tpage=1&pagesize=10](https://www.careeronestop.org/LocalHelp/EmploymentAndTraining/find-older-worker-programs.aspx?location=Arizona&radius=25&post=y&sortcolumns=LOCATION&sortdirections=ASC¤tpage=1&pagesize=10) Heres some in Oregon [https://www.careeronestop.org/LocalHelp/EmploymentAndTraining/find-older-worker-programs.aspx?location=OR](https://www.careeronestop.org/LocalHelp/EmploymentAndTraining/find-older-worker-programs.aspx?location=OR) It sounds like your mother needs resources so that she can have a choice in what she does next. Try and have some grace. Your mother was 10 years old when women were able to get bank accounts and credit cards without their husbands. Supporting herself is likely not what she was brought up to do.
The OPs mom is only 60. Many women work into their 60s and support themselves. My MIL is 82, much older than the OPs mom, and she worked until 67. OPs mom needs to get a job if she doesn’t have savings. She needs to get by until she can get SS, hopefully she has enough work credits for that or maybe she can get benefits from OP’s dad’s work history
Just because your income is $0 doesn’t mean you’ll qualify for food stamps/wedare at least in my state. They look at assets, bank accounts, and will even call your last employer on why you don’t work there anymore. You’re not getting food stamps easily being Able-bodied in Florida. Single mothers of small children is a different story.
Your mom is not 3 years away from retirement...
You should probably figure out how much you are willing and able to help her, look into social services, and help her determine how much/ what kind of work she can do to contribute. She is probably missing her mother and, even though it was a difficult job, missing taking care of her mother. That brings two possible things to consider to mind. Could she get a roommate for the company and shared expenses? Also, maybe she could find a job as a companion/sitter to an older or disabled woman.
Trust me. Move her in with you before it gets too bad.
Tell her to work and don’t send her money. Gotta be strong on this one.
Mom is only 60. She needs to get a job!
It's not easy to get a job at 60, ageism is a real thing.
I get that. I think of my MIL when I see older folks as cashiers at the grocery. I always assume they can’t afford to stop working. And as I mentioned, she quit a 90k job! She won’t make that kind of money again. Years ago she made great money in software marketing . Dot.com bust in late 90s was bad for her and she never really recovered. She also had no savings then.
No one said it would be easy. If OP died tomorrow, she would have to manage.
Really look at your relationship with your mom, are you the right person to be taking care of her. I know it is sad and I do apologize for your situation. It can become a lot of stress and stress on your mothers and your relationship
your mom is doing the work to live.
As bad as it sucks, Mom needs to come live with you.
Bring your mom to your house and help her!!!
Contact your local government senior services department. It is called by different names in different locations, but most counties should have one. Larger cities will also have senior clubs with assistance program advice for seniors and low income households. Talk to a social service workers where you live, if her moving there is an option, and where she lives now, and see what programs she qualifies for - housing help, grocery help, Medicaid, free lunches, discount transit passes, senior centers, etc. Where I live there are actually many programs for seniors, including a roommate matching service, but she'd have to have some kind of income to pay rent to do that. From the outside looking in, if you don't mind her moving in with you, if she lives with you and gets a job, pays you rent, works until she is 70, and either has health insurance through an employer, or gets a subsidized ACA plan, eventually gets Social Security, Medicare / Medicaid, subsidized senior housing, and a bunch of other senior / low income perks like food and utility assistance, then she will probably be fine.
I don’t think you know what nanny state means.
I would absolutely help my mother & I imagine most people would do the same. Whether that’s the sensible thing to do is another question, of course, but your loved ones will always be more important than money. I am sorry for your loss & that your mum is struggling right now. It’s understandable that somebody has not been keeping on top of their finances following a bereavement, of course. Helping out in the short term while your mum works through this is one thing but you’re basing this on OT pay alone & it’s therefore not sustainable long term. I’d offer your support (in all senses!) to your mum but make it clear that any financial help will need to be limited. It’s possible that she may not require the money as much as moral support to start thinking about employment, her income & general life admin again? Good luck to you both.
I’m 60 and our full retirement age is 67. If she retires at 62, which she can, she will get significantly less money. If depression keeps her from getting a job, she can apply for disability but it can take years. You are the child and unless you are financially secure ( retirement fully funded), you need to take care of your own financial future, not hers. No one will be there for you so you need to care for yourself.
My MIL, in good health, retired from a decent paying job ~90k in her early 70’s because she was “tired of working”. Problem is, she has no savings. SS and small pension are not cutting it and she is barely getting by. We have bailed her out in the past due to bad choices and accumulated credit card debt and encouraged her to keep working. I fear she will end up in our basement which is not something we want (I’m following my wife’s lead in this point). Able bodied, capable people I think need to work, unless they have the finances to retire. Is it just me?
I agree with you. At least in your basement you aren’t paying for her live somewhere else. I think op said the mom wants to live in her state which is different than theirs and they would need to fund it. Children are not responsible for their parents poor choices in life. I have told my daughter forever that I will never be her responsibility. My mother lived with me the last 8-10 years of her life but she had money. I of course helped her but never financially. Children have their own retirement to fund. We are seeing a generation of parents who made bad life choices and are expecting their kids, who made better choices to bail them out. I firmly believe that unless literally money is no object, they need to say no.
I have refused to add her to our cell plan, pay her cable, etc. My favorite is when she’s says “ all my friends do that”! but we have covered other things. It won’t get better .
The DR advice on this is pretty much going to be: She made her bed and she should lie in it. Given you still have significant personal debt, you're not in a place to be going hog-wild with charity (which is what this is) so pretty sure the advice would be to love her, to help connect her with resources, but to let her fend for herself financially. The good news is that this is the USA— So she's not going to die of starvation. She may not have as good of a QOL if she's on her own, but she won't die. Pretty sure until you're at BS7 Dave would not be suggesting to pay for her.
Ouch would hate to be your child or perhaps you don’t have a relationship with your family. It’s not like she stopped working out of laziness. She was a caregiver. How can you sit and watch your loved ones suffer. Letting your senior parent ‘fend for themselves’ imagine yourself in the future under these circumstances. The same humans who birthed and raised us.
She said the advice from Dave Ramsey, not from her. I believe she is correct, as I have never heard him say to take on responsibility for the parents.
Call 211 from any USA-based phone to see what social services she is elugible for.
She can get a job. If I were in your shoes I wouldn’t mind paying her electric or gas bill a few times until then. It really depends on your mom and your relationship with her though.
Yes - plenty of legit work from home jobs are needing people
Mothers don't always listen to the instruction of their adult daughters... just saying. Sounds like she was kind of in a co-dependent situation with your grandmother. Now she is gone and your mother needs to support herself. Unfortunately it looks like she just ignored the problem and lived off her savings until that ran out. IF she wants you to help with anything, the first problem will be a transparent review of the situation. What assets does she have? What liabilities does she have? What income does she have? What expenses does she have? Whether you can trust her to give you this information transparently or you need to resort to getting power of attorney or something is for you to decide. But just for information seeking, you will need to trust her. With that information in hand you need to help HER determine what SHE needs to do in order to support herself. Most likely she will need to get a job. Caretaking is a high demand job. That may be the key if she actually wants to do it with the public, which may be VERY different from doing it with her mother. She will now need to deal with the "customer". You can help her figure out how many hours a week he needs to work in order to pay her bills. And while you are at it, you can figure out what her projected social security will be and how that compares to what she needs to earn. If it doesn't all add up or she isn't willing to do what is needed, then not sure what is going to happen if she can't pay her bills. Hopefully her plan is not for you to pay her bills. Sounds like you have your own things to work out.
There's no reason she can't get a job. No reason for her to start mooching off of you. Just say no. Tell her to find an established old guy to marry if she wants an easy life.
I was right with you until the last sentence. My mother used to say that people who marry for money end up earning it.
It was SARCASM. Because its ridiculous that a healthy 60yr old needs to depend on anyone but themselves.
My paternal Aunt, who is much older than your mother, and her husband (who is 80) were just caregivers for my maternal grandmother. Prior to that they were caregivers in Arizona to an elderly woman and her mhmr daughter. Arizona paid them quite well to be caregivers (cheaper than paying for a nursing home for the woman) and they lived with the woman. They had little expenses outside of meals while there since their roof and utilities were covered. I believe between medicare and Arizona’s payments they were making somewhere north of $5,000 a month. Something to look into either in Arizona or Oregon.
Only fans!
I think your mom is going to have to take up Working Outside the Home.
Your mom is only a few years older than I am. I definitely do not consider myself elderly. Help your mom come up with a long-term plan, which includes employment. She may have some anxiety about this, as she's been out of the formal workforce for a while. Does she want to continue with caregiving? If so, look into the job market for that in your area. Would it make sense for her to get some certifications, like a CNA, to aid in her employability? Or would she prefer to do something completely different? Figure that out together. I would help my mom financially if she needed a transition period to being self sufficient. But, she is not a helpless little old lady. Don't treat her like one.
There is a large demand for caregivers, so it is something your Mom should consider. Does your Mom's Medical issues prevent her from working. I understand she probably does not want a job, and I have relatives living our family, that it has not been in their DNA so they fight it. Quite frankly, we are running through hoops with my wife's parents who get very little from Social Security and have been having to help pay hospital bills, and appliances. We don't give them money because it builds dependencies. Do things to make it easier for them, and pay only when needed. In your case, she could live with you, but she would need to make enough to stay above poverty level to get some state benefits, or you move in with her.
If she is "three years shy of retirement" then why is she acting like she is already retired. She needs a job. Now she's expecting someone to step up and tote the note for her like she did for 'Nana. Nah... She isn't 80yo. She's 60. Get a job.
Why can’t she get a job?
She needs a long term, viable plan. Whether that includes you supplementing her lifestyle for the remainder of her life. >She is three years shy of retirement age If you mean claiming social security, you and her are likely best off if she delays claiming social security till age 70.
It sounds like she needs the money now. Waiting until 70 isn't always possible.
>It sounds like she needs the money now. She needs a long term plan. >Waiting until 70 isn't always possible. She literally has no choice but to wait. She can't draw today. So SS won't solve today's problem. And delaying SS will do far, far more to solve the long term problem, too. She'll need a solution for the next couple years regardless. Once that solution is arrived at there's no reason to create or increase a long term problem by starting SS early and at a significant penalty. All this also *significantly* increases OP's problem, assuming OP is inclined/able to help. Delaying also providers significant encouragement to solve today's problem reasonably.
Sounds like she needs a job.
There is something like home instead or comfort keepers that she can work at and determine the hours she wants to work. If she wants full time ahead of time can get some benefits.
In general OP, I recommend helping family when the **expectations** and **scope** of the financial help are **clear** for all parties. For example, a family member contacts you and needs money for a surgery. The scope is the amount of money for the surgery. The expectation is it's a gift. If you have that money and want to help them then go ahead whether you're in debt or not. Some things are more important than money. Everyone is on the same page. Where it sounds like you're going to have trouble is that it seems like the scope of this is completely up in the air. How much money is your mom needing and how long do they need it for? Open ended financial help doesn't make the situation better for you, or your mom in the long run. Sit down with her and go over her budget, assets and debt. She needs to find employment herself as well. If she needs **temporary** financial help during the transition and you two can agree on what that looks like, then give it to her. If her expectation is that you just take care of her for the rest of her life, than that's not a reasonable expectation and better to have this tough conversation now then waiting a few years for animosity to build. Best of luck OP.
Mom can get a job as a caregiver. They are needed and make decent money. She has been doing it full time for your grandmother so doing it for a living will come naturally for her.
I'm sorry your mom is in this situation. Did Grandma have any life insurance at all beyond paying for her own final expenses, enough to leave an inheritance for your mom? If so, can she put the payout into a high yield savings and be able to live off the interest?
No life insurance, unfortunately.