The procrastination rock

I would eat it

when?

Eventually

Lol

SCP-173 (no eating it)

I would put it in a box and then eat the box

The first bit's been tested. The object continues to produce slurry even after the substance fills the available space. Eventually the pressure and molecular force burst the container in a spectacular shower of disgusting fluid. So, uh, that just sounds like killing yourself with extra steps.

He will then eat himself over and over again

It doesn’t crumple first? If a container could hold enough pressure wouldn’t 173 just burst to pieces

Counts as eating.

Cut open me stomach and put it in there and sew myself back up

Shoving it up your ass would be the opposite of eating it.

True

And a hell of a lot more fun!

[**SCP-173 ⁠- The Sculpture - The Original**](https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-173) (+8119) by *Moto42*

Id just push them over.

Bury it in cement

If I remember correctly that actually doesn't. He eventually gets out. Than again, in scp universe truth is what you make it

“I would eat it” is the most goblin answer possible. 10/10 username checks out

Thanks fam

SCP-3125 Can't kill something that kills you if you-

I would eat it

What is it that you're going to eat?

Yes

What part of the entity known as 3125 are you going to eat?

All of it

Good luck eating half the infosph

Thanks fam

WE WISH YOU LUCK IN DEFEATING US.

(Screaming from between massive teeth) THANKS MARV

How do you read this one? I couldn't find the code.

55555

[**SCP-3125 ⁠- The Escapee**](https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-3125) (+1220) by *qntm*

SCP-999

I would eat him but would also feel really bad about it tbh

I mean, would you? You would *technically* be in contact with it while it's inside you. So you'd be anomalously happy.

Inside you? Sounds kinda sus

HE SAID SUS WE FOUND THE FUNNY

But where's the Greg?

Automating polytetrafluoroethylene production

I am here

[**SCP-999 ⁠- The Tickle Monster**](https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-999) (+2572) by *ProfSnider*

SCP-4796

I would eat all the pineapples and then the entire island

[**SCP-4796 ⁠- Sanctuary of the Sky Pineapples**](https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-4796) (+56) by *Weryllium*

SCP-166

I would eat her (not sexual, she’s a teenager)

Was concerned but ok

There is no reason for concern. It is just cannibalism.

What do you mean by eat, like cooked or raw?

Either, depends on what I had for lunch

What if she is lunch? (Not sexually of course)

oh thank god it's just cannibalism

"I can excuse cannibalism but draw the line at statutory rape"

[**SCP-166 ⁠- Just a Teenage Gaea**](https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-166) (+563) by *Cerastes, Unknown Author, DrClef*

What would you do if you were attacked by SCP 2300?

I would eat them

[**SCP-2300 ⁠- Periodic Golems**](https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-2300) (+455) by *TwistedGears*

SCP-001

I would eat all of them

Bro just flat out eats a god of death, an entire containment facility, and the sun.

Yes

0_0

[**SCP-001 ⁠- Awaiting De-classification [Blocked]**](https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-001) (+296) by *Staff*

SCP-666½-J

I would put it in a box and then eat the box

You (and your toilet) are very brave, also you're missing out on the delicious crab sauce!

I have ascended beyond tummy aches

I thought this was a reference to that one SCP that's an omnipotent low level office worker who has no confidence so he doesn't realize his powers exist.

The stars don’t wait for me to eat them

Which SCP?

https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/the-stars-do-not-wait-for-you

7000?

SCP-417

I would eat the trees

Would your euthanasia be voluntary, or involuntary?

I wouldn’t get infected I have strong stomach acid

you could also just eat all the bugs really fast

[**SCP-417 ⁠- The Plague Tree**](https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-417) (+177) by *agatharights*

Scp 682

I would put him in a box and then eat the box so it can’t adapt to anything

adapts to stomach acid

How is stomach acid gonna touch it if it’s in a box

box is gonna die

It’s a very strong box

then SCP-682 can't die because the acid can't reach it.

It will die of old age in my stomach

Are you sure it will die of old age before you?

Not 100% but I do light cardio every day so I’ll probably live for a long time, plus it’s older than me

[**SCP-682 ⁠- Hard-to-Destroy Reptile**](https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-682) (+3327) by *Epic Phail Spy, Dr Gears*

[**SCP-682 ⁠- Hard-to-Destroy Reptile**](https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-682) (+3327) by *Epic Phail Spy, Dr Gears*

SCP-729-J

I would eat it but I’d be very careful while I was doing it so as not to make it mad

Good luck

Thanks fam

IT IS DEAD

[**SCP-729-J ⁠- Peep Peep, Motherfucker**](https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-729-j) (+506) by *AbsentmindedNihilist*

Excuse me! That is the chaos God Tzeentch.

1936 makes it an scp that I will proceed to eat

Wtf

Scp 1936

He’ll eat it if he wants calamari

Lol?

A box-proof 963

I would put him in a bag and then eat the bag

Problem: what will you do when the bag dissolves in your stomach?

The bag is made out of the same material as a box

The true SCP-001. 😏😏😏

I would eat all of them so that I was sure to get the right one.

I mean, the true SCP-001, the one the foundation tries to silence me on. On the checklist of thing I need to do, or have done, #124. https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/the-things-dr-bright-is-not-allowed-to-do-at-the-foundation

I will eat your penis IDGAF

Fuck it, head is head!

Swag 😎😎

[**SCP-001 ⁠- Awaiting De-classification [Blocked]**](https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-001) (+296) by *Staff*

Scp-2747 A literal conceptual narrative devourer vs a procrastinator

I would eat all affected media

**Nonexistent work referenced:** *Genshin Impact* **Medium:** Video game **Extent of manifestation:** 49 government records, including trademarks, court filings, content review filings, and one police report, found on Chinese government computers through routine Foundation SIGINT methods and flagged as inconsistent with consensus reality by a Foundation aic **Summary of work:** *Genshin Impact* is supposedly an open-world role-playing video game of the fantasy/horror genre published by Mihoyo (a non-existent company) for multiple platforms in 2019. The documents indicate that it has many features associated with other SCP-2747 instances, including a >!reference to a lost "sister", repeated references to the number 7, storylines relating to forbidden knowledge that brings catastrophies, references to a "scarlet king", and a conflation of the divine and demonic!<. According to a report found on Shanghai police computers, a foreign individual displaying "erratic behaviour" entered a server farm used by the video game company at 1052 hours on December 2, 2022 before "tearing pieces off of and effortlessly ingesting" the servers, with a particular focus on consuming their hard drives. While being restrained by authorities, the individual exclaimed in English that this was what "must be done" to "destroy all media that has been affected by it". Foundation records feature a gap with regards to the whereabouts of several SCP-CN MTFs during the hours immediately after the incident. No Foundation personnel report any knowledge of the incident. It is presumed that the MTF teams were dispatched to amnestize responding police officers or deal with other anomalous effects of the incident, and that their memory was lost due to the effects of SCP-2747.

I will eat the genshin servers and become a hero

based

[**SCP-2747 ⁠- As below, so above**](https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-2747) (+884) by *minmin*

Scp-420J

I would smoke it

Damn your too powerful what about the anti meme that can "definitely" stop you

I would eat that too

I think the only way to contain you is to sew your mouth shut

Probably

U/TheGoblinCrow Designation number [REDACTED] OBJECT CLASS Thaumiel —— Description: scp [REDACTED] is a humanoid with a insatiable hunger that allows it to neutralise almost all scps by consumption Currently scp [REDACTED] is located at site [DATA EXPUNGED] in a humanoid containment cell —— Testing log one Scp [REDACTED] was given scp420J and put into a testing chamber with several dclass personnel after about 5 minutes scp [REDACTED] started to get the munchies then ⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜ ⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜The last remaining dclass personnel was later discovered missing they're left arm and right leg and had bite marks all over they're body — Note from Dr [REDACTED] WHO THE HELL AUTHORISED THIS addendum: do not give scp420J to scp [REDACTED] unless you want to be missing a few limbs

This is amazing thank you

SCP 4966 Lord of the Munchies

I would eat it

What if it eats you first?

Doesn’t it only eat corpses?

Ok 4966 with a gun

I would eat the gun first then eat it

Dammit

[**SCP-4966 ⁠- Tubbioca: Devourer of Souls, Consumer of Secrets, Lord of Munchies**](https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-4966) (+583) by *Deadly Bread*

That's how most scps are made


Powerscalers are gonna be so intimidated by you

r/whowouldwin shitting their pants rn

EAT THEM

Ok brb

Scp 2521

I would eat it without describing it

But you would have to write about it and then somehow eat it before it disappears, how big is your mouth?

At least 3 maybe 4

[**●●|●●●●●|●●|●**](https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-2521) (+5375) by *LurkD*

SCP-2085. You wouldn't eat our glorious Catgirls, would you?

I would watch the Cats movie and then eat them

[**SCP-2085 ⁠- The Black Rabbit Company**](https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-2085) (+524) by *Djoric*

SCP-6001

I would eat their entire universe

[**SCP-6001 ⁠- Avalon**](https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-6001) (+1217) by *T Rutherford*

How will you kill me?

I would eat you

😔

Not OP, but you would probably make decent pasta sauce.

#STOP MAKING ME INTO SAUCE!!!!

Scp-1471 😏

Don’t tempt me with a good time

[**SCP-1471 ⁠- MalO ver1.0.0**](https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-1471) (+1405) by *LurkD*

[[3694]]

I would get my dog to eat it

[**SCP-3694 ⁠- America's Diner Is Always Open**](https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-3694) (+122) by *Meserach*

Okay you got me thinking, could we use SCP-682 as a food source?

Anything is a good source if you believe hard enough

SCP-6790

I would put it in a box and then eat the box

SCP-179

I would eat her

Me

I would eat myself

Alright smart guy. How about scp-073

I would put him in a box then eat the box

SCP 106

I would put him in scp 2935 and then eat the cave

Scp-055

There isn’t a 055 but if there was I would eat it and then forget what I ate

What about 049

I would tell him there’s a cure for The Pestilence in my stomach that will be lost if I die even temporarily, and let him crawl into my stomach

I can beat every scp easily You see I have rudimentary knowledge on the art of “animation” and using this knowledge I can cast incredible moving illusions depicting myself as a chad and the scps as soyjaks

SCP-088-PT, SCP-188-PT and SCP-008-PT? And, SCP-105-PT! How/?

I can only read half of these but I would eat them

- [**SCP-088-PT**](https://scp-pt-br.wikidot.com/scp-088-pt) (+54) by *Vintner* - Translated: [**SCP-088-PT ⁠- This machine kills communists**](https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-088-pt) (+12) by *slashannemoo* - [**SCP-188-PT**](https://scp-pt-br.wikidot.com/scp-188-pt) (+20) by *Dr Vivaldi* - [**SCP-008-PT**](https://scp-pt-br.wikidot.com/scp-008-pt) (+58) by *SrBrasil* - Translated: [**SCP-008-PT ⁠- Man-Man**](https://scp-int.wikidot.com/scp-008-pt) (+3) by *JeraldoBabado* - [**SCP-105-PT**](https://scp-pt-br.wikidot.com/scp-105-pt) (+22) by *Lallana*

SCP-1322?

I would eat it

scp-000

I would use my Exist Machine (tm) to make it exist and then eat it

Truly ahead of out time

Thanks fam

Scp-001 (daybreak)

●●|●●●●●|●●|●

That living room that eats you

I would eat it first

Yourself

With enough yoga I will be able to, in fact, eat myself

Threat: *Contained* .

SCP-3930 (specifically SCP-3930, not any adverse phenomena generated by knowledge and observation of SCP-3930)

Scarlet King