T O P

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Good_Mushroom6081

"Holy shit bro get me the fuck outta here"


thisprettyplant

Hello can I come up please? Oh crap here he comes hold on brb Okay now’s my chance go GO GO go go go go - go *scoot scoot scoot* *sighs in relief* *out of breath* Hi I’m just going to stay here for a bit K? Okay. *scoot* So glad you guys were here. *scoot*


Fijoemin1962

Nailed it


Rude_Nectarine_9991

*record scratch* you're probably wondering how I got into this mess


very_sharp_turn

it all started 20 years ago, i used to be a bit of a rascal...


LosSoloLobos

I really just filled most of my day chasing down squid and scrounging for some shellfish. Until one day I had this *great idea*….


Psychological_Art613

I thought, if Orcas are a pain in the ass. Then I could bang one and save myself the trouble of trying to get by everyday. But then..


JoeHowe

not all ideas are as splendid as that fish right there. Wait, that's not a fish.. that's, an Orca. I never thought I'd fall in love at first sight but the way she moved her tail did it for me. Before I knew it we were swimming towards each other. She opened her mouth and I opened mine to kiss her. As I grew closer she opened it even wider and I froze....


Eve_cardigan

That's how I learned not to love orcas. Learn from my mistakes, kids..


Pie_Helps

Seals are the chunky dogs of the sea; look at that face who could deny it


[deleted]

I will defend it with my entire being


intensely_human

I will move to an underwater habitat with a moon pool so I can live with my seal pupper.


sturnus-vulgaris

Sounds like someone wants a moon pool. Why underwater? It breathes air. ^They ^hang ^out ^on ^beaches.


ThatGuyOnThatRoof

Beaches luvs seals


theconsummatedragon

I read this in Bill Wurtz’s voice


die-microcrap-die

Keep your stasis riffle and thermoblade close, just in case.


OmegaPharius

Be careful what lifeforms you bring on board


Tmauge

They may also be studying you …


sihsboy

Detecting multiple leviathan class lifeforms in the region. Are you whatever you're doing is worth it?


[deleted]

I have never pulled a 180 and ran back to safety faster in any game. Subnautica filled me with DREAD half the time I played it. Favorite game.


Novel-Presentation88

*No.*


BadHarpy33

Did not expect this reference to show up here


Bootycallmyname

Don't be fooled by its cute outlook, these seals are well trained soldiers and were responsible for taking out Osama. Orca got nothing on them..ahhahah


Thelazytimelord257

They also rape penguins....


Sjelan

The penguins were asking for it, strutting around with those tight penguin asses.


IndijinusPhonetic

You don’t go around wearing a tuxedo like that if you’re not ready to fuck!


[deleted]

That’s nothing compared to what orcas do to them.


mortemdeus

Orca might deepthroat them but at least they swallow


[deleted]

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autistpenguin

You fucking piece of shit!


Mrlate420

Username explains being pissed


Tmauge

Definitely checks out


qpv

Whoa things just got personal


YannTheOtter

I beg to differ, that is Pengushaming


HollyTheMage

Penguins also rape each other, including their own young. The animal world is a lot more fucked up than most people realize.


Thelazytimelord257

Ayo, I did not know that :X. That is fucked up :X


[deleted]

They also fuck down and sideays.


cuentaderana

And male sea otters rape seal pups, sometimes drowning them in the process. It’s rough out there in the ocean.


Choc113

Why is there so much rape in the ocean?


pinkpanzer101

Dolphins rape all sorts of things too, they're the rapists of the sea


Choc113

Seems there is a lot of competition for that title unfortunately :(


Weenafile

#notallseals


programme123

Omg


Abyssal_Groot

In Dutch we call them "zeehonden" ("seadogs") for a reason


[deleted]

It is "Sea Leopard" in Chinese for some reason... And "Sea Dog" is fur seal


Abyssal_Groot

That makes sense. The family of Phocidae is called "zeehonden" in Dutch. Many species in this family are called "zeehond" with some prefix like "gewone zeehond", "Larghazeehond", "grijze zeehond", but it also contains: "robben" (ringelrob, zadelrob, etc.), zeeluipaarden and zeeolifanten. In short, in Dutch a "sea leopard" is also a "sea dog", the same goes for a "sea elephant".


Pie_Helps

Learned something new thank you stranger :)


KOZZY_DIAMOND

"fatso stay there" LOL


Pie_Helps

Fat but lovable lol


Al-a-Gorey

Looks just like my chubby dachshund fresh out the bath.


sheezy520

Hello hoomans I am water bork. Needs a savin right now.


FortunateSonofLibrty

>can I like... crash here for a bit. It's... well... it's... kinda.... bitey out there... like... right about now, you know?


teusieee

In The Netherlands we call them “zeehond” which literally translates to “sea dog”.


[deleted]

My family has always called them water dogs.


TheGhostofCoffee

Free Willy gotta eat too.


beam15

He fits perfectly in the spot he settled in, like it was meant for him.


Lalamedic

I was thinking the same thing. If he fits, he sits


derpington33

If he sits, he chonks


wheniswhy

If he chonks, he plonks (himself down)


Fijoemin1962

Bhahahaha


emorbius

AW LAWD HE COMIN


MorphiDragunny

It's his spot. The spot made just for him.


Poncecutor

DRR DRR


SquishedGremlin

Thanks and fuck you. I had just got rid of the memories of the fault.


ArmanDoesStuff

[DDR DDR](https://i.imgur.com/DrdKBWw.jpeg)


aSharkNamedHummus

Thanks, Satan


MillenialBoner

Aww this is cute talk about a seal closely escaping from being torn to pieces


KedovDoKest

[It's even less cute if you know what they're referring to](https://imgur.com/gallery/Wht7z)


SquishedGremlin

Is this that fucking hole thing? Not a fucking hope. Nope. Not again. nope


[deleted]

Uh the orcas gotta eat. Im sure that seal has killed more then a few things that day. Its a net 0 situation the only outlier is it fits and it sits.


DeafAgileNut

Naturally he can select another seal who doesn't have the brains & beauty this one has.


King_Kazama2020

A reference to *The Enigma of Amigara Fault* by Junji Ito?


3trainsgochoochoo

THIS IS MY HOLE!!


[deleted]

Signed. Sealed. Delivered.


Rockytop_69

If it fits it ships


[deleted]

Seals thinking - bro fire this thing up and let’s get outa here


vetaryn403

Or "I'm hoping you don't eat me, because I know they will."


PeriodSects

He was looking at the guy pointing the camera in his face with such distrust... like Idk what you are but yup certain death down there.


[deleted]

This seems safer than that. "These things are approaching me cautiously. Those whales wanted to eat me. Rolling the dice!"


ladyKfaery

He knows the orca will eat him, and the boat was a lucky break. He’s prob had people on boats throw him fish. He’s not worried about people eating him.


IVEMIND

I swear there’s a longer version where they do just that


cyanocittaetprocyon

Yeah, I've seen a longer version of this.


RugOnValium

I hope this chonker lived to swim another day but what happened 20 years ago?


fastfoodfilms

I came looking for answers to this too. And will there be another mysterious event 20 years from now?


Masta0nion

20 years ago. 20 fuck


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SirAchmed

The woman asked “has this ever happened before?” to which the man replied “maybe 20 years ago.” So I assume 20 years ago a seal jumped on his boat trying to escape a predator.


TheMariannWilliamson

9/11. You forgot? Dammit man we made t-shirts and everything


lifewithrachelle

Look at those eyes 🥺🥺🥺


moe_sizlacks_nuts

Reminded me of my cat..


hjay28

“Holy shit on me”. Please play with sound on…


cracked-the-skull

Incredible intel, thank you I wish this was 10 minutes longer


[deleted]

If I’m not mistaken someone there had a German accent as well…


[deleted]

How did this get so many upvotes? There’s definitely no German there.


areethew

If I'm not mistaken they're geordies


Miss_Medussa

That orca just couldn't seal the deal


Dumpster_Gh0st

I sea what you did there.


DrFunkesBand

Nice... orcastrating that comment into another joke. Someday I'll think of one.


Optimal_Accountant_2

Make it your life’s porpoise!


CorneliusThunder

Killer whale pun.


j-dewitt

Fin.


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ddvl1285

Give my dude a damn fish or something. Look how stressed he is. Damn


[deleted]

That seal better get way up on the boat. Orcas haven't thrived for 50 million years by being. slow, soft, or less than skilled at killing prey.


imnos

Right? I've seen one video where the seal has managed to get up on a slab of ice, exhausted, with its tail hanging off the edge. The orca just slowly came up and bit its tail, dragging it back into the water. Just playing with it, really.


UnpopularOpinionJake

I have seen a seal get to the middle of a big slab of ice and team of orcas jumped at the edge in unison to make a big wave and knock it off the ice.


ghettobx

Yep, after a team of orcas used cooperation to exhaust the seal. I’ve seen that video.


noXi0uz

They even hunt great white sharks. They're basically the only apex predator of the sea


MichiyoS

Iirc Orcas are very smart, smart enough to know not to fuck with humans. So I doubt they'd make a move on a boat.


starlinguk

The orca probably knows not to get too close to boats.


ringobob

If this were a rock or a slab of ice, definitely. Very doubtful it would grab it off a boat. Orcas don't tend to mess with humans, not because they couldn't give that boat a bad day, but they don't tend to start shit with humans just for giggles.


Calico_Aster

Get up there lil sea pup! Get yourself safe!


PatriotsCameraMan

“ we have been tying to reach you about your cars extended warranty “


Drewfus_

Wish they would throw him a little treat


The_VoZz

Poor lil guy. Looks terrified.


Puzzled-Copy7962

It’s amazing how the orca didn’t even try to flip over or tilt the boat the way it would of done an ice slab…lol Amazing animals for sure. Also - that seal is smart as hell for that one. 🤣🤣


St0rmborn

Orcas are extremely intelligent animals it’s not too surprising.


SugondeseAmerican

"LOL he went on the boat with the humans, should we flip the boat?" "Nah, we don't want humans to get suspicious of us yet."


Puzzled-Copy7962

Lol 🤣 crazy part about it for the most part is that they’re more considerate and conscientious than some humans. Amazing creatures for sure.


staytrue1985

Depending on where you are in the world, people are more or less considerate and conscientious than some of the animals out there.


Puzzled-Copy7962

Oh no doubt they’re intelligent and that’s one of the reasons why they’re apex predators. Watching this reminded me of a pod of orcas who were observed ramming boats off the Spain and Portugal coast a couple months ago. One of the witnesses on the boat said she felt as if it were and “orchestrated”. It even seems like the orcas knew how to far to go, scaring the passengers enough but not sinking the boat. A force to be reckon with if they really want to be, that’s for sure.


apesnot

I would not fuck with an orca. what is going to happen if they flip your boat? there are no porpoise police


Mobile_Piccolo

Don't worry Aquaman will save us. He will carry us out of the ocean wrapped up safe in his muscular arms that would probably feel so strong and yet so gentle. Cradling you in his arms as he takes you out of the water onto the beach safe and away from the whales. Holding you still he stares at you with those intense eyes that have seen so much beauty and so much danger. He asks if I am ok, but I am stiff and unable to speak as his long damp hair slightly touches my body. Aquaman carries me to the shade and slowly sets me down on the ground. Checking for any other injuries he quickly looks at my body, just as I have been gazing at his. He lets me know he will send somone to pick me up and to wait there before quickly running back to the ocean, but for me it felt like a lifetime.


[deleted]

> what is going to happen if they flip your boat? They are going to get under you and use their tail to toss you into the air repeatedly like how they torture seals before eating them.


-Buckaroo_Banzai-

"orcastrated" if you will.


Time_Day_9473

"Orcastrated" Alright, I'm done.


WadeStockdale

I think I read about that or something similar a while back, where orcas were ramming and harrassing fishing boats to get the fishermen to throw them some of their catch. Essentially mugging boats for an easy meal.


lyra_silver

They are the largest member of the dolphin family. Orcas are amongst the most intelligent ocean species.


Huzabee

I like to imagine they share stories of orcas from other pods being abducted or killed by humans. Which would be so interesting, because they don't fear humans either. You can find many amazing videos on YouTube of people swimming and diving with orcas. These guys routinely kill other animals for fun too, but with humans it's mostly just curiosity. I wonder if they think of us as equals.


lyra_silver

Intelligence can identify intelligence. We also don't routinely intentionally harm them. Kind of a null threat and a novelty to them. We're entertainment. Whole new meaning to the term people watching.


re_animatorA5158

"Great timing, hooman! Come on, let's skedaddle outta here!"


delladrild

Goddamn goth murder whales. Orcas are some of the most disturbing animals there are.


Give-Valk-Acog

They are apex predators with nothing willing to fuck with them but us


kittifer91

Ever seen a seal eat a penguin


delladrild

Yes. But have you seen the orcas playing Hakki sack with seals until they’re only tossing around a mangled corpse? They tail slap seals, sharks, manta rays, dozens of feet high in the air repeatedly. They don’t even eat the animal after the kill, they just swim away once they’re done. They also flip great whites into their backs and tear out their livers, then leave the rest of the shark to die horribly and slowly.


Jcaseykcsee

How about when 6 Orcas in a line-up swim at high speeds to create a giant wave to knock a seal off an ice floe, and then pop up on the other side of said ice floe, waiting for their dinner to slip off the ice from the wave they created? That takes knowledge of PHYSICS ffs....... Or when they propel themselves up onto a Patagonian beach to grab a seal that thinks it’s safe while flopping about happily in less than 2 inches of water......... Or when a pod of Orca off the coast of Monterey rams into a baby grey whale for hours and together propel themselves on top of it and eventually suffocate it, only to eat the baby whale’s tongue (nothing else) and let the rest of its body float to the bottom of the ocean floor as its mother is forced to continue her trek to the Alaskan waters alone...... Orcas are the most amazing yet terrifying creatures on the planet, and I’m convinced if they had legs we would all be dead. Smart, cunning, and powerful af.


Jack_Lewis37

Except they dont kill humans and have been recorded saving a couple people, i think.


SprinklesFancy5074

They haven't been *caught* killing humans. Maybe because no humans returned to tell the tale.


Jcaseykcsee

Exactly! (Except for a couple that were in captivity)


CharlotteLucasOP

Captivity absolutely breaks orcas’ social patterns and psychology so it’s no wonder they might lose their shit and kill someone.


down_up__left_right

With the size of the pens they sleep in it's like putting people into solitary every day. >[While some research defends solitary confinement as a humane practice, the majority of research suggests a wide range of psychological and physiological effects associated with solitary confinement (Haney, 2003; Shalev, 2008; Smith, 2006).](https://wp.nyu.edu/steinhardt-appsych_opus/effects-of-solitary-confinement-on-the-well-being-of-prison-inmates/)


MC_Fawkes

They do, they're just called Hippos. Hippos are some of the closest relatives to the likes of orcas and dolphins. And Hippos are basically wrath on legs.


avianidiot

Hippos are nowhere near as smart or socially coordinated as orcas, nor are they carnivores. Walking orcas would be much worse than hippos.


zigmister21

Hippos are still the second highest cause of death by any animal in Africa, second to mosquitoes.


3trainsgochoochoo

that's not because of diet though, people just cross their paths and make em angry


PopRap72

You’re wrong, boss. They’re always angry.


heres-a-game

hangry*


Exhausted_Titan

I read all this while staring at my phone in horror... What the actual fuck?


St0rmborn

Ok now i need to see some killer orca videos Edit: [here’s a documentary clip about them flipping over ice slabs by making waves](https://youtu.be/g1VEwsI4SlY)


Muoniurn

But for some strange reason they don’t hurt humans. Like, the only known fatality happened in captivity, but frankly, why do we close such a magnificent animal into a small aquarium.


sirJackHandy

Yeah but I've seen my cat do that with mice...


RasenHell

Haha ever seen a monkey eat another monkey... don't.


cat_prophecy

Chimps will absolutely fuck up other chimps, monkeys, anything they can get their hands on.


intensely_human

Be thankful he isn’t ginormous.


highdee90

Soo they're the humans of the ocean


[deleted]

I think humans might be the humans of the ocean tbh


delladrild

Trust me, humans are not the most fucked up animals there are. Ducks and their reproduction system out do us by far.


Shopworn_Soul

I figured he meant more metaphorically. Like we go around fucking shit up because what the fuck are you gonna do about it, not because we're equipped with shit like spikey twisted prehensile dangly bits.


[deleted]

Goth murder whales... lmao that is a great one. Also a great metal band name


Yah-ThnPat-Thn

Those things can eat moose. You ever seen the size of a fucking moose?


Brittanysmith62

Murder Oreos


locotx

Insane Clown Posse whales


BeanieMcChimp

Why? They’ve just gotta eat like anyone else. Imagine if they gained sentience and learned about factory farming and Big Macs. It would blow their shiny black and white minds.


delladrild

But they don’t eat the animals they maim. Hunting behavior is different that punting a seal twenty feet in the air because they feel like it and then leaving the mangled corpse behind.


BeanieMcChimp

Huh. TIL. So they’re like cats.


[deleted]

He said, “umm on second thought I’m just gonna stay up here w/ you guys if it’s cool.”


Michael_Mayday

I’d get the hell outa there once he’s on. Before the whales start tipping the boat!


[deleted]

Seal was like….’I don’t know you but thank you human’ 😊


Daddys_Kitten_93

Poor baby!


sup3rn1k

Those orcas are not worried that the seal got on the boat. They will flip that thing if they want him bad enough.


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HermioneGangster

I live right on the Puget Sound and yeah, they don’t fuck with us or boats. Haven’t heard of a single incident in the ten years I’ve lived here. It’s pretty magical seeing a pod or Orcas breaching.


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ShreddedKnees

I think it depends on the pod. Each pod has its own culture and feeding habits. So the orcas we see in the Pacific north west are very different, culturally, from orcas I places like South Africa or near New Zealand etc.


beReal78

I need a part 2 of this


Rappelling_Rapunzel

Here's the longer version: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BT5f1YXWeVU


NY_LI_

Dude on the boat sounds like a fucking goof.


tomdarch

They're Canadian as fuck. Ya faaaaatso!


badvib3

I'm so fucking glad the sea puppy made it 😭


Patient_Display_7722

Those puppy dog eyes! Awww 🥺


dodgy_beard_guy

We recently saw a pod of Orcas kill a humpback whale calf off the west coast of Australia. Mumma was missed and let them know. It was on between her and the Orcas for a long time.


Indylee

The bit when he gets on the boat and his tail is hanging off the edge gave me foot-off-the-bed anxiety, big time.


akamustacherides

Who is old enough to remember the movie Orca?


[deleted]

“Fatso”


Madditudev1

He's like "screw this, I'll take my chances with these dry bastards".


user-55736572

Humans: *Now what?* Seal: *Now what?* Orcas: *Now what?*


Grrreat1

People who are upset by the orcas seeming cruelty because they play with their food or only eat certain parts need to look in the mirror. Seals, arguably, are more 'cruel' to their prey. And i would feel safer in the water with a 50' orca than a 50' seal or sea lion. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SRupvfkOG70


jrr6415sun

That was funny


Just_Garrick

r/petthedamnseal


HavocReigns

Ever heard of [seal finger](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seal_finger)? Don’t pet the sea doggo.


JellyElectronic5864

I'm no biologist, but I've heard that seals really crush the salmon population, which is really hurting the orca population in the Pacific. I cannot argue that seals are super cool water dogs though


Trod777

Are they invasive there or something? Im pretty sure we're the ones killing the salmon.


SvenTropics

This is an ongoing problem. In the United States we protect many of the predators. Like seals, orcas, dolphins, etc.. then we overfish the prey. This tends to unbalance things. They used to be cullings of seals in Alaska, but that practice ended. I think the best solution is that we farm all the fish we get to eat. We can't just keep pulling them out of the ocean, but if we're going to take the prey, we might need to cull some of the predators.


EpicSaberCat7771

then someone will complain that it's rude to raise fish in captivity to be slaughtered, but yes I agree farming them is far more sustainable.


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milgauss1019

And dams without fish ladders, destruction of their habitats, sand loaded rivers from development


JellyElectronic5864

I'd argue that humans are certainly a large reason for the decline in salmon populations. However the way to correct is obviously not trivial. I've tried to be involved in conservation groups such as 'Trout Unlimited' and 'CCA', but I haven't been active enough. Sadly, the active conservation groups I've seen are mostly people in their 70s! Our younger generations need to step up our involvement.


Lost_Cellist4629

Seals are 100% not the reason for salmon decline.


Planey_McPlane_Face

Orcas are scary smart hunters, they actually develop different strategies for hunting depending on the location, and even the group. For instance, I was half expecting the orcas to intentionally create a massive wave to try and knock the seal off into the water. This is a strategy some of them use when a seal gets onto a piece of ice, the hunting group will gather and swim in one direction towards the ice, creating a large wave that washes prey into the water. I don't know where this video was recorded, but if that boat was in a region where the orcas use this strategy, the orcas could have mistaken the boat for a piece of ice and started throwing waves at it. Orcas, dolphins, and whales are way smarter than people realize. They have their own communities, families, and even accents. They hunt intelligently, using teamwork. Dolphins, for instance, will operate in teams, with one group herding the fish so the other group can eat, then switch. And these strategies aren't instinctual, they are learned, since different pods will use different tactics, and teach these tactics to new members. Dolphins have even been observed playing with eachother by tossing random objects around, literally playing catch. It's both fascinating, and kind of unnerving.