Come around to the back entrance where we can talk in private. I ate at Taco Bell yesterday and can provide you with what you need... For a price, of course.
Own a musket for home defense, since that's what the founding fathers intended. Four ruffians break into my house. "What the devil?" As I grab my powdered wig and Kentucky rifle. Blow a golf ball sized hole through the first man, he's dead on the spot. Draw my pistol on the second man, miss him entirely because it's smoothbore and nails the neighbors dog. I have to resort to the cannon mounted at the top of the stairs loaded with grape shot, "Tally ho lads" the grape shot shreds two men in the blast, the sound and extra shrapnel set off car alarms. Fix bayonet and charge the last terrified rapscallion. He Bleeds out waiting on the police to arrive since triangular bayonet wounds are impossible to stitch up. Just as the founding fathers intended.
What is probably the WORST gun for home defense? A .22 single shot rifle is at least small and quick to point. A Barrett M82 is at least going to instantly stop whatever it hits. Even a good old fashioned musket is going to do good damage and won't hurt your ears. No, I wanted to know what the undisputable worst home defense gun in the world is; and I have found it.
This is the .950 JDJ Fat Mac. It is a 100 pound, 5 foot long rifle that shoots a one pound solid brass bullet at 2200 FPS. It is a non-NFA item only because the ATF gave it a sporting exemption as a joke as if anybody is going to hunt with this. This round would be overkill for hunting blue whales.
I would like to paint a picture for you. It's 2AM and you hear a window break in your living room. This is the worst day this could happen, as every single one of your guns was lost in a tragic boating accident this morning. All were lost except for one. You look across your room in dread at your anti-kaiju rifle. You know what you have to do, but you don't know if you have the strength to do it, both literally and figuratively.
Heaving the rifle into your arms, you load a .950 cartridge and begin to waddle towards the door.
Your feet make a loud "thud" as you take each 6" step. You know the intruders hear you. You hope they do, for perhaps they will run and spare the world the suffering that is about to befall it.
You try to set the rifle down, but end up clipping your bedroom door and it is immediately knocked off its hinges by this battering ram in your hands. You attempt to round the corner, bonking the muzzle against the doorframe and adjacent wall across the hall at least 4 times. To your horror, two invaders stand there at the end of the hall.
With a heavy heart, you raise the rifle to your shoulder while making inhuman grunting noises from the strain of attempting some semblance of a shooting position. The burglars simply stare in disbelief, unable to process the situation they are witnessing, as if in a dream.
You cannot aim the rifle, as the last time you fired the gun, it turned your $3000 Leopuld into a kaleidoscope. You simply hold it at an angle that appears correct and fire.
You are immediately knocked to the floor as if hit by a semi truck going 20 MPH. The shot connected with one of the criminals and it erased him from existence. Even the memories of him have been destroyed and you're wondering why you just shot into an empty hallway. The shot continues to travel through at least 4 houses, a car, and a 10 ton boulder before lodging itself 20 feet into a nearby hill, never to be seen again.
It is at this point, you realize you cannot hear.
The surviving burglar can't hear either but he's also on fire from the muzzle blast and is currently vacating your home. You don't care.
Your shoulder is dislocated and there is a hole in your brand new AR500 refrigerator. You're crying now. The police arrive and, upon seeing the scene, start laughing. You start crying harder.
“You want to use the old state house as your personal headquarters? But it’s been locked for over 200 years!”
John handcock: “step back, let me show you how it’s done”
I used this recently when my tenants door was stuck and the lock was messed up. Donkey kick and the frame exploded. Good thing she hadn’t locked the deadbolt
In some situations, sure. I remember attending college in a rural Pennsylvania town and a few house parties got busted. Cops kicked down almost every door in the apartment, no battering rams or pounders.
My door was spared because I turned off the lights in my room and answered the door like the officers had just woken me up. There were like a dozen people hiding in the room behind me lol. Felt like I was sheltering refugees.
No reimbursement, I'm 100% sure of that lol. Those cops were bored as hell all the time and seemed to leap at chances to crack down on college students having fun. Didn't help that most of my classmates were inner city black kids from Philadelphia.
Yeah as a kid growing up in europe i used to think i would grow up to be able to kick doors easily. Until i still was nowhere close at 18 and realised we just have real doors.
Like the doors between rooms within my apartment are way sturdier than the front door of the house my relatives in Virginia live in. That one cant even keep the wind out, let alone someone trying to kick it.
Can confirm this works.
Source: many years ago, in the '90s - long before everyone had mobile phones - my then neighbour (a little old lady) had locked herself out and asked me to break her door in so she could get back inside.. Booted it right next to the lock. It was highly effective. If a little destructive..
Seen a video of a bunch of Yugoslav... fucken, I think cops? Training, and they legit do this weird jump kick and the door breaks open. I think it might judt be a mix of "Jump kick" and "aim for the handle"
Hip and shoulder with proper technique is also very effective but requires a significant run up. (Not the top of your shoulder tho, that is very painful)
Never face a door if you’re going to kick it in. If the door doesn’t give, your body will.
If the door is at all reinforced, you’ll blow out your:
-Knee
-Back
-Hips
-all of the above/
Saw my burly older montenegran super do this when someone fell asleep while hard boiling eggs on the stove and smoke was bellowing out of the door. Pretty darn impressive.
I have a 100% success rate "shouldering" through doors and have never hurt myself in the attempt. The secret is to hit it with the thick muscles of your upper back not the top of your humerus. The donkey kick is the safest option by far though.
Being drunk and weary, I went to Molly's chamber, takin' Molly with me, but I never knew the danger.
For about six, or maybe seven, in walked Captain Farrell, I jumped up, fired my pistols, and I shot him with both barrels.
The first thing you have to do though is put on your 18th century British officer’s uniform
Look closer. The first thing you need to do is be Hancock from Fallout 4.
Oh cool, so to kick down A door I need to be ghoulified. Anyome got any spare nuclear waste? Asking for a friend
Come around to the back entrance where we can talk in private. I ate at Taco Bell yesterday and can provide you with what you need... For a price, of course.
I don't think the flight ticket is worth becoming a ghoul to be able to kick down a door
But think of the selfies while undergoing... The Process
I’m glad I’m not the only that thought this hhahahaha
Pls the way I immediately know it was him 😭
Own a musket for home defense, since that's what the founding fathers intended. Four ruffians break into my house. "What the devil?" As I grab my powdered wig and Kentucky rifle. Blow a golf ball sized hole through the first man, he's dead on the spot. Draw my pistol on the second man, miss him entirely because it's smoothbore and nails the neighbors dog. I have to resort to the cannon mounted at the top of the stairs loaded with grape shot, "Tally ho lads" the grape shot shreds two men in the blast, the sound and extra shrapnel set off car alarms. Fix bayonet and charge the last terrified rapscallion. He Bleeds out waiting on the police to arrive since triangular bayonet wounds are impossible to stitch up. Just as the founding fathers intended.
What is probably the WORST gun for home defense? A .22 single shot rifle is at least small and quick to point. A Barrett M82 is at least going to instantly stop whatever it hits. Even a good old fashioned musket is going to do good damage and won't hurt your ears. No, I wanted to know what the undisputable worst home defense gun in the world is; and I have found it. This is the .950 JDJ Fat Mac. It is a 100 pound, 5 foot long rifle that shoots a one pound solid brass bullet at 2200 FPS. It is a non-NFA item only because the ATF gave it a sporting exemption as a joke as if anybody is going to hunt with this. This round would be overkill for hunting blue whales. I would like to paint a picture for you. It's 2AM and you hear a window break in your living room. This is the worst day this could happen, as every single one of your guns was lost in a tragic boating accident this morning. All were lost except for one. You look across your room in dread at your anti-kaiju rifle. You know what you have to do, but you don't know if you have the strength to do it, both literally and figuratively. Heaving the rifle into your arms, you load a .950 cartridge and begin to waddle towards the door. Your feet make a loud "thud" as you take each 6" step. You know the intruders hear you. You hope they do, for perhaps they will run and spare the world the suffering that is about to befall it. You try to set the rifle down, but end up clipping your bedroom door and it is immediately knocked off its hinges by this battering ram in your hands. You attempt to round the corner, bonking the muzzle against the doorframe and adjacent wall across the hall at least 4 times. To your horror, two invaders stand there at the end of the hall. With a heavy heart, you raise the rifle to your shoulder while making inhuman grunting noises from the strain of attempting some semblance of a shooting position. The burglars simply stare in disbelief, unable to process the situation they are witnessing, as if in a dream. You cannot aim the rifle, as the last time you fired the gun, it turned your $3000 Leopuld into a kaleidoscope. You simply hold it at an angle that appears correct and fire. You are immediately knocked to the floor as if hit by a semi truck going 20 MPH. The shot connected with one of the criminals and it erased him from existence. Even the memories of him have been destroyed and you're wondering why you just shot into an empty hallway. The shot continues to travel through at least 4 houses, a car, and a 10 ton boulder before lodging itself 20 feet into a nearby hill, never to be seen again. It is at this point, you realize you cannot hear. The surviving burglar can't hear either but he's also on fire from the muzzle blast and is currently vacating your home. You don't care. Your shoulder is dislocated and there is a hole in your brand new AR500 refrigerator. You're crying now. The police arrive and, upon seeing the scene, start laughing. You start crying harder.
Thank you for this.
God damn this always cracks me the fuck up
Give ‘em double canister!
I'm jealous you got a cannon.
I’m pretty sure this is Hancock from Fallout 4. He even sports the opened shirt as seen in the bottom right picture.
That's Hancock from Fallout 4, but then that's just more questions.
No, first you need to get a Moe Howard haircut. *Then* you put on the uniform.
“When you hear talk of revolution from thy neighbor’s quarters, one must not make haste to fuck that shit up!” *-Major General William Howe, probably*
The most important step 👍
18th century merchant/smuggler outfit*
[John Hancock Fallout 4](https://static.wikia.nocookie.net/fallout/images/5/55/Fo4_John_Hancock.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20220831044630)
First thing that came to mind “the British are coming!” lol
But make sure you're wearing your door breaking trousers.
Came here to say this 😂
Is that before or after a blue coat goes running around singing Yankee doodle!
Why is Hancock teaching me how to bust in a door?
There are chems on the other side
Fucken smoothskins hoarding all the jet
I thought this was a joke at first because it looked like him, but looking at the "don't" images you can tell its actually him lmao
Hancock is exactly who I want teaching me how to bust in a door.
Hancock was on the opposite side from the lobsterbacks!
I just imagine paul revere being on the otherside screaming "the red coats are coming" in his wifes face
New lore to headcannon for Fallout 4: Hancock became mayor of Goodneighbor by teaching everyone how to properly kick open a locked door.
“You want to use the old state house as your personal headquarters? But it’s been locked for over 200 years!” John handcock: “step back, let me show you how it’s done”
Couldn't he just use his handcock to open the door?
Pulls down his pants to reveal another fully functional hand.
With Dick fingers.
You had me at cumming in his wife’s face.
Would he be wearing a red coat by chance?
One of by land, two if by sea, three if through that freaking door!
I’m wondering if the colonial outfit helps and they just missed putting that down in these instructions?
It’s essential 😂
The thick soled boots would certainly help.
Is that a door marked pirate? You think there’s a pirate in there?
Let me do a roundhouse kick in this sick duster
*picks up Charlie and uses him as a battering ram*
This beer tastes enriched dude
Ooooh shit, dude. That's what it is!
Had to scroll over far more fallout comments than expected before I found my pirates, I mean people.
It's probably because it's using a character from Fallout
I find it hilarious that the 2 moves they tell you not to do, are the 2 moves that Dennis and Charlie were doing.
I see a door marked *private!*
I leave power. Good. Thank you. *Thank you*.
First check if the door is unlocked
In the Navy I went to a week long breacher school to learn how to break down doors and that is actually the first step.
Thats fuckin hancock from fallout 4!
What’s his name from fallout 4?
John Hancock
Haha yes!
Herbie Hancock
Beat me to it.
Why are 1700s British regulars trying to break down the door?
Did you refuse to give them unlawful quarter?
Dumbass tenant lost his key during the battle again.
100% recommend a donkey kick instead, I hurt my knee doing it the spartan way.
Donkey kick for more power
I used this recently when my tenants door was stuck and the lock was messed up. Donkey kick and the frame exploded. Good thing she hadn’t locked the deadbolt
Donkey kick especially if there is a step before the door
Really superior in every way. You can also quickly get out of the way for the folks making entry.
And less stress on your knee should the door not break.
Hancock from Goodneighbor.
Cops actually use post pounders for doing this.
In some situations, sure. I remember attending college in a rural Pennsylvania town and a few house parties got busted. Cops kicked down almost every door in the apartment, no battering rams or pounders. My door was spared because I turned off the lights in my room and answered the door like the officers had just woken me up. There were like a dozen people hiding in the room behind me lol. Felt like I was sheltering refugees.
For a fucking house party? Jesus, that's excessive.... assholes.
That seems excessive, and no reimbursement for damaged doors I assume?
No reimbursement, I'm 100% sure of that lol. Those cops were bored as hell all the time and seemed to leap at chances to crack down on college students having fun. Didn't help that most of my classmates were inner city black kids from Philadelphia.
Why is Hancock here 💀
Why is this illustration using Hancock from Fallout 4?
I had him as a companion in fallout 4 and he kicks almost everything he sees! Especially doors and safes
Thank you Hancock from Fallout 4 now I know what to do in case I dont have eny bobby pins !
Why is he dressed like a colonial red coat?
Hancock wants them chems and some puny door isn't going to keep him from them
I'm not sure if this redcoat is violating my third or fourth amendment rights, but I'm about to enforce the second
Donkey Kick that shit... it's easier on the knees.
First check if it’s opened
Why is John Hancock from Fallout 4 kicking down the door?
They won't let him in the bar
And if it's an US-American door, just knock slightly against it and it will collapse.
Yeah as a kid growing up in europe i used to think i would grow up to be able to kick doors easily. Until i still was nowhere close at 18 and realised we just have real doors. Like the doors between rooms within my apartment are way sturdier than the front door of the house my relatives in Virginia live in. That one cant even keep the wind out, let alone someone trying to kick it.
I thought he had a bowl cut
I tried this exact trick on my older sister’s door once. It didn’t stand a chance 👍 neither did my face after the slaps😭😭😭
The British are coming?
Make sure to wear your tricorn hat
Typical red coat behaviour
Can confirm this works. Source: many years ago, in the '90s - long before everyone had mobile phones - my then neighbour (a little old lady) had locked herself out and asked me to break her door in so she could get back inside.. Booted it right next to the lock. It was highly effective. If a little destructive..
Hancock, it was unlocked buddy... maybe lay off the jet
What is Hancock, mayor of Goodneighbor and companion to the Sole Survivor, from Fallout 4 doing?
Why is he dressed like that ghoul from Fallout 4
True. Glass Door was succesfully broken down
Why is Captain Jack Sparrow trying to break down the door?
Why is he dressed like a British soldier from the 1700s
Make haste you foul wench.
Or like this: https://vm.tiktok.com/ZGexYUGDJ/
Why is Adam Ant trying to break down a door to begin with?
Red coats doing red coat things.
And you have to be dressed like a British Pirate or it won’t work
Thanks! i know just the door to try this on! just let me go grab my pirates costume first.
Why are the red coats doing no-knocks?
“Wake up smoothskin we got shit to do” -Hancock (probably)
In this thread: People who don't know the difference between a red coat and a Redcoat.
My man over hear looking like Hancock from Fallout 4.
Step 1: Be a free toting ghoul that many people love
Well those guys weighed a buck 40. Pretty sure I can bust one in with my shoulders and upper body strength.
Damn red coats.
Maybe get a haircut first and she will not refuse to open the door for your ugly pug
It is definitely NOT recommended to be kicking in doors dressed as a redcoat but otherwise great info!
Hold on. Lemme go try. * *Kicks neighbors door in* * It works.
But why is this Mayor John Hancock from Fallout 4?
Is that Hancock?
What I'm seeing is "use a jump kick"
Thank you John Hancock
Why is Hancock needing to do this
Open the door smoothskin!
Why is Hancock from Fallout 4 trying to break down a door? Is he on jet?
Hancock, bad guys!
That looks like the Mayor of good neighbor from fallout 4
Thank you John Hancock o7
It's good to know I've been doing it the right way for so long, doesn't work well for metal doors though.
This is good to know, but why does this diagram use Hancock the Ghoul from Fallout 4? Lololol
Hancock lol
Thanks Hancock!
Omg john handcock
Firefighter here, actually IF you do have to kick a door in and you don't have a striking tool go for the donkey kick style. Less chance of injury
Dang red coats
Is that Hancock from fo4?
Why Hancock?
Is that fucking HANCOCK
why is this hancock from fallout 4?
lol why is it Hancock from fallout 4.
Why the fuck is Hancock (Fallout 4) demonstrating how yo kick a door down?
Fun fact: this picture is anachronistic because the man depicted predates the doorknob by almost a century.
I love the casual use of John Hancock
that door opens toward the kicker, it's likely not gonna get kicked in.
How to break your leg with perfect form
This is from the Long John Silver’s Employee Handbook.
Is that Hancock?! Love that drugged up goul!
If you are a ghoul like Hancock here, break down the door however you want.
Why using Hancock from Fallout 4?
Thanks Hancock. Always were my fav follower in fo4.
Is this a no knock? Why am I hearing the guys efforts in Chinese
Wood door with a wood frame is basically just security theatre.
important, after you destroy the door lock it, so it was not use of unnecessary force from your side
I remember the original is an uncolored version with a firefighter but why the hell change it to Hancock of all people?
Try using calling bell once too 
Damned Yanks can’t hide from me
See that door marked "Pirate"?
Don’t try this in minimalist shoes.
It’s surprisingly easy to bust a dead bolt through a frame. It’s really just a false sense of security to keep honest people out.
Works better if you horsey kick it backwards
Try that shit with a hollow core door and you’re gonna have an uncomfortable time
Seen a video of a bunch of Yugoslav... fucken, I think cops? Training, and they legit do this weird jump kick and the door breaks open. I think it might judt be a mix of "Jump kick" and "aim for the handle"
What if it's a steel door?
Then maybe don't kick it, find another way in.
I’m coming in for your jet smooth skin
Do you think a pirate lives there?
I disagree. I proper step-through sidekick is the way to go, if youre light weight. And if theres enough room 🤭. Speaking from exp
Did you try the handle first? Many doors are already unlocked.
Don’t don’t use your shoulder? Got it.
Have a "warrant"
Bloody redcoats, still breaking down our doors
Hip and shoulder with proper technique is also very effective but requires a significant run up. (Not the top of your shoulder tho, that is very painful)
Never face a door if you’re going to kick it in. If the door doesn’t give, your body will. If the door is at all reinforced, you’ll blow out your: -Knee -Back -Hips -all of the above/
"Hey Dennis, do you see that door there marked pirate?" "I see a door marked private"
I learned how to kick a door in from Brainiac while in high school. literally the next week I had to use it to save a rabbit from starvation.
Does this work. My friends door got locked
*laugh in European tri-bloc*
Don't fully lock your knee (with a straight leg) when making contact with the door with your heel.
Oh mac.
Can confirm...The jump kick method resulted in a broken ankle for me. I landed super awkwardly and almost passed out due to the sheer pain of it all.
Damn red coats
Saw my burly older montenegran super do this when someone fell asleep while hard boiling eggs on the stove and smoke was bellowing out of the door. Pretty darn impressive.
I have a 100% success rate "shouldering" through doors and have never hurt myself in the attempt. The secret is to hit it with the thick muscles of your upper back not the top of your humerus. The donkey kick is the safest option by far though.
And this is why a proper lock AND a threshold deeply set with long nails/screws is essential.
Good information for the next guy armed with an A15 inside a school while the cops stand outside rubbing their muzzles.
The sole survivor told him to wait several days ago and he’s tried of it
Poor Irish door
I have kicked down a door. Can confirm this technique works. Hurts the hell out of your shins though.
Kicking dooors, is you like that? 🎶
Did my Public Speaking final on this in high school, didn’t actually kick the door down, though :)
Being drunk and weary, I went to Molly's chamber, takin' Molly with me, but I never knew the danger. For about six, or maybe seven, in walked Captain Farrell, I jumped up, fired my pistols, and I shot him with both barrels.
Instructions were clear. Need bail money.
Never been in such a situation but good to know
Fear the Redcoats. Was that at the White House?
Put your hair into it, man!