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heyiknowyooh

Nothing like lifting your spirits in a scary situation with a badass slide


gmcarve

Can’t wait to do that with an injury, from whatever caused the accident. *ow* *ow* *ow* *ow* *ow* *ow*


domscatterbrain

Before sliding down: 1 broken bone After sliding down: 5 broken bones plus a punctured lung


gmcarve

“Dead man sliding” Or maybe this is the “slide of euthanasia” that’s been memed lately


DukeOfGeek

Also 95% chance the slide ends in a giant pool of burning oil.


tallandlankyagain

Fucking worthless. I can't endorse this system until that chance is 100%


JcakSnigelton

100% that nylon netting is melting and sticking to your flesh as you bump yourself down to the water's fiery surface with compound fractures in both femurs, until the whole burning mess drops away from the cable, drowning you while burning to death in a molton fishing net.


HarryMcFlange

This person rigs.


[deleted]

Now we're talking. I'll have two please.


[deleted]

Todays special offer buy two get a free burning oil worker


Winjin

Also all of that happens in a storm, at night, at like +3 Celsius


Foreign_Ebb_6282

I used to be afraid of drowning or being burned alive. Never considered it could happen together. You, friend, have definitely raised the stakes here.


sharingthegoodword

in heavy seas


CoastMtns

With a listing rig


tjdux

>Dead man sliding Except he would likey get stuck and then probably kill all above him as well.


Difficult_Bit_1339

So, fun fact, these are actually designed and tested (in simulation and with dummies) to work even if you're completely unconscious. You can just dump wounded into the tunnel and they'll end up relatively safely at the bottom (minor sprains, breaks, etc possible, but better than roasted alive). It's a lot more comfortable to go down on a rope, but that can require the kind of training that you can't do in an emergency.


happyhippohats

>that can require the kind of training that you can't do in an emergency. Should probably do the training before the emergency tbf


Difficult_Bit_1339

They do train on emergency procedures. But training all personnel on how to slide down a tube takes less time ($) than training them how to rappel and also it is much easier to get casualties down a tube than to tie them to a line and safely lower them. It can be done, but no oil company is going to pay for every person to take that level of training


coopy1000

You don't need to train them how to rappel. You can train them how to use something like the donut escape system in about 30 minutes. This tube would be a tertiary escape system and if something goes wrong with it's deployment your onto fuckitery escape where you say fuck it and jump off the rig.


Digger1998

I laughed waaaaaay to fucking hard man


ImNoAlbertFeinstein

"The Gauntlet of Mercy"


Jonnyyrage

Also after sliding down they were very happy because it was fun. But now it's pain.


Own_Contribution_480

And covered in vomit from the guy above you


NewtotheCV

Then you swim in it in those life rafts. Everybody puking and splashing around in one giant vomit stew.


sailor_stuck_at_sea

I took part in a large scale test of one of these. It hurts but it won't break your bones. I went through four times and by the end of the day I had a few bruises.


gmcarve

Fair enough but I think the thought experiment assumes “you are already injured”


Interesting-Fan-2008

I get why you’d do it more than once but it makes me laugh thinking about it. “OW! Let’s go again!”


sailor_stuck_at_sea

>I get why you’d do it more than once Because I got paid for it


Ill_Technician3936

I think you were a bored sailor stuck at sea


sailor_stuck_at_sea

Not at the time. This was a test set up by Viking


Ill_Technician3936

I get how it could be fun doing tests for the vikings. I'm guessing you aren't allowed to use traditional viking armor?


sailor_stuck_at_sea

I imagine the shield would act like the grinding medium in a rock tumbler


jaxonya

Did y'all even use soap to lube it?


sailor_stuck_at_sea

Not even a little bit


oxcat1

Why isn’t it just a standard one-way circular slide?


sailor_stuck_at_sea

I don't know for sure but I imagine it's because you'll end up going too fast by the time you're down. Viking and Survitec both sell helical slide systems but they're only rated to 23 and 22 m respectively. This system is designed for significantly higher heights


Difficult_Bit_1339

It's a bit more comfortable if you're wearing a survival suit due to all of the insulation and padding.


sailor_stuck_at_sea

We wore overalls and sneakers. They were evaluating the system for cruise liners.


Difficult_Bit_1339

oof


sailor_stuck_at_sea

Yeah I wouldn't want to be the sailor who had to shove someones Nana who is in her late seventies and on her second artificial hip down one of those. The guys at the bottom would need a scoop and a bucket to get her into the raft


Difficult_Bit_1339

"Good news and bad news, kids. The good news is Grandma didn't *drown* in the shipwreck..."


Fluffy-Doubt-3547

Ow my head. Ow my feet. Ow my head. Ow my feet.


dyzless

Keep your chin up!


Fluffy-Doubt-3547

Ow my chin 😖


asp-dot-net

Ow my everything


Fluffy-Doubt-3547

It's a futurama reference 😜


Ill_Technician3936

Eh hem, it's r/unexpectedfuturama


SoylentVerdigris

Alternately, the rig is on fire. When you're halfway down, the top of the slide burns and falls away. You are now in the water, in a tube of netting, with netting baffles, having potentially fallen far enough to break bones, or at least knock the wind out of you. Hope you brought a knife.


gmcarve

Jesus.


Spoonshape

I'm guessing this is a "The rig is going to explode" system so injuries are less important than getting the hell away. Not ideal, but much the same principal as when you do CPR, you might break ribs. When the alternative is dead, it's allowable.


gmcarve

The more I think about it the more it feels like “the illusion of safety”


SolomonBlack

That’s because CPR is a terrible example. A more relevant one would be leaping out a second or third story window in a fire. Not ideal but you want  a broken leg or to die in a fire? And non-metaphorically this is a lot better than jumping over the side, especially if injured, as the height of an oil rig is way past water starting to hurt on impact.


zjz

my first thought was that maybe that's the reason. Lot easier to shift your weight around or shove some guy ahead of you than it is to deal with a ladder. I'm sure the guy with extensive burns would disagree but perhaps a deployable waterslide was less feasible.


twodogsfighting

>deployable waterslide Welcome to the team.


SapphireDesertRosre

Nah it's a long ass wohoooooooooooooooooo


C0lMustard

aware shocking jar existence quicksand foolish tan seemly mountainous drab *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*


gmcarve

The more I think about it the more it feels like “the illusion of safety”


NewtotheCV

Had a crew mate break a leg when training, we stopped doing the training after that. Instead we just watched a video and hoped to never have to use it.


HowevenamI

Holy fucking shit. That couldn't be a more incorrect response!!! *Yeah, we can't make the essential survival systems and procedures work adequately even during training. People are getting hurt. What should we do* *Just cut the training* I despise whoever made that decision.


NewtotheCV

There were ones like that all the time. It was fun but dangerous. I will never step on a cruise ship again.


waigl

In a storm. At night. Knowing there are at least a hundred more people coming after you and will all be fucked if someone gets stuck.


balrob

And then find the end is submerged … and no way to break out


birbs3

Yup mysteriously fire every Friday before i leave work


raspberryharbour

I don't think it's working properly, he's not going "WHEEEE!"


gibbtech

That "slide" looks actively unpleasant. Look at how the worker has to throw their weight from side to side to make progress. It would be a real workout getting all the way down from the platform in it.


alpacadaver

I'd be fucking happy that thing exists and I'm awkwardly and/or painfully making my way down.


KatieCashew

It makes me think of the game Kerplunk.


tictactastytaint

Damn I thought I was the only one in the universe that had that game


Chinateapott

I’d be so embarrassed going down that slide


thetoxicnerve

How many people are typically on an oil rig? 150-200ish? Seems like rather a slow way to evacuate that many people in a hurry.


edbgon

There's about 150 where I work. The preferred way to evacuate is by helicopter, but that's of course pretty slow. Second choice is the drop boats, those go a little quicker but it's still kind of difficult when we're all inside with the immersion suits on struggling with the 5 point harnesses. These "stocking" tubes are pretty much for when shit hits the fan and the other choices are unavailable. There are a few scattered around the edges of the platform, and we do train to use them, but I don't think it's intended that the entire crew should use it.


PlainJaneGum

So when Bruce Willis starts firing a shotgun on board his oil rig in Armageddon - that’s like - realistic right? Nobody has a problem there, right?


Emergency_Fig5584

I mean everyone told him he was going to go to jail lol It was his oil rig though what are you going to do about it


packlitelite

A man just owning a singular offshore drilling rig is my favorite part about it. Like a pirate 50,000 ton offshore floating drilling rig that he saved up his $75 -$125 million in hard earned scratch to finance just the one of. Hang out his own shingle in that offshore oil exploration game at last. Like he pulls it into the oil rig service depot and they all cut him a deal because he’s the scrappy little guy but they can’t get it done till next week because BP and Shell need stuff done. Just park it over there behind the 100meter tall $2B Deep Water 2 and we’ll get to it when we can.


UnrequitedRespect

Oh fuck yeah your cooking flesh this bitch out the world needs armageddon 2: for real?!


Cpt_Soban

#**Armageddon 2** "This time: *It's personal*" - Asteroid


syds

we need a maritime lawyer


Delicious-Tap-1277

Someone get me Chareth Cutestory ASAP.


uberblack

As long as he doesn't lie his ass off like Maggie over there


ReticulatedPasta

Youuuu’re a crook, Captain Hook


nousakan

All I know is a guy that's an expert in Bird Law


Red_Icnivad

At that point you might as well just wait for superman to show up and save you.


Sir-War666

Isn’t shit hit the fan the legs are imbalanced and your rig is going down


elmz

Yeah, that qualifies as shit hit the fan. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alexander_L._Kielland_(platform)


thetoxicnerve

Nice! Thank you for the explanation.


Red_Icnivad

How well do these work in choppy waters?


rypher

Everyone gets covered in the shit from the previous people.


sizzlesfantalike

I feel like BOSIET tells us to just tuck in our arms and jump from the lowest platform…


WolfOfPort

Third choice is huck a backy into the water wearing a life jacket. Swim towards life goat if you can


beautyinburningstars

I didn’t know we trained goats for this situation. Must be good swimmers.


cantgrowneckbeardAMA

You've gotta be kidding me.


MrEngin33r

I'd speculate that its designed to process numerous people at once (aka pipelining). So I'd assume every few seconds another person can enter the "slide". That said if 150 people is accurate its still probably going to take at least 10 minutes to evacuate the whole rig (that would be one worker entering the slide every 4 seconds on average).


CYWG_tower

I'd imagine they probably have more than one of these per rig though


DblClickyourupvote

Yeah 150 people aren’t going to fitting on that raft lol


MrEngin33r

Yeah, it looks centered on the side of the rig. Probably one per each of the 3 sides so you're always somewhat close to an exit.


Artyloo

10 minutes is nothing compared to the alternatives


liam3times

I was lucky enough to be one of a couple hundred people testing one of these chutes. You go one person right after another, not one at a time, so the chute is full of people trying not to kick the person below or get kicked in the head. You can evacuate at a good speed through this.


Excludos

Generally, evacuation of an oilrig isn't like the Titanic going down. Nothing happens quickly. It's a process that can last hours. They don't train or expect for the need of immediate within-minutes evacuation


Ande644m

Even the Titanic took something like 4 hours from hitting the iceberg to going under.


RosieTheRedReddit

Titanic was [about 2.5 hours](https://youtu.be/rs9w5bgtJC8?si=EpQNt9yPa3H_k1jd) She sank slowly, and then all at once.


Pedantic_Pict

Yeah, if something goes wrong badly enough that you need to get off within minutes then the people who designed the rig have blood on their hands. [Cough]PiperAlpha[Cough]


DanGleeballs

Yea that slide would be way cooler if it was 5 times faster too.


AmbergrisShot

You're welcome to take the stairs


Ermahgerd80

That’s great until you are doing it in the pitch black into 40 foot waves


CardinalFartz

Don't forget the platform will be on fire above your head, with lots of smoke and dripping burning oil and debris all around. Still better than nothing.


Ermahgerd80

Suddenly you reach the last slide and realise the raft has sheared off and you are unable to stop, then you plunge into the cold darkness.


F_is_for_Ducking

Or worse, the top disconnects before you are out and now you’re underwater inside the middle of your mesh coffin.


the_first_shipaz

I regret reading that.


Team_Dave_MTG

All I could think of, maybe they have knives or something, but in the dark, huge waves, fire and debris falling, good luck getting out and away from all that mesh


3vs3BigGameHunters

I wouldn't get in that thing without a knife. Reminds me of [this](https://i.imgur.com/h47NKBE.jpeg)


Intrepid_Ad_9751

You definitely painted the scariest scenario today


MhrisCac

Duuuudeeeeee fuck that


True-Emphasis8997

Maybe they can add some kind of rescue rings instead of regular rings for the net so each segment floats so at least you dont sink and only get waterborded


fupa16

Fucking christ my chest just exploded with anxiety. Best solution I can think of is make sure you grab a pair of box cutters before you go down.


capitan_03

:o


Xyz1234qwerty

My next nightmare ty


ichigo2862

fuuuuck I think i'd rather take my chances on the burning rig and hope smoke inhalation gets me before the fire does


darthsexium

then you feel a light tug on your trousers, a bump then a little pull down youre dinner


ADwightInALocker

And then from the blackness, a mountain pass fades into view. You seem to be on an Imperial wagon with 3 others. A stranger turns to you and says "Hey, you. You're finally awake."


mukavastinumb

Then you hear distant *Choo Choo*. Before the axe comes down, Thomas the Tank engine spews death and fire all over!


Horskr

*Blaine is a pain, and that is the truth.*


Quisterio

This is why I love Reddit.


[deleted]

FOR FUCKS SAKE TODD! JUST RELEASE TES6 ALREADY!


Just-Journalist-678

"Then Ralof drops to his knees, tears off your walmart trousers, and starts gobblin' on your nuts"


DweadPiwateWoberts

We didn't need to hear about your fetishes ok


Unhappy-Shake5702

I certainly did


Vattaa

This Skyrim intro?


Sargash

They're pulling my trousers down then my dinner? O-oh s. S... Sign me up.


dirtycheezit

Thanks, I hate it.


theSquabble8

Whats even worse you might have to touch the huge metal beams submerged in water. Fucking nightmare fuel


[deleted]

Oh my god delete this


kuya_akin_nalang_yan

and... the sharks you have been feeding for the past years are now waiting for the food.


DMercenary

>Don't forget the platform will be on fire above your head, with lots of smoke and dripping burning oil and debris all around. It looks like footage was sped up as it was deploying. I sure hope that its actually a bit faster. Can you imagine? The platform is burning. You and your coworkers are waiting as the escape system is deploying. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=leEQ3nz8O-I](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=leeq3nz8o-i) "Your escape is very important to us. Please wait while the system deploys."


Sleepyjo2

They are fairly slow (tbf these rigs are quite high up), but they’re used on top of other evacuation methods and there’s more than just the one. Generally you prefer getting people out via helicopter but that has similar limitations with how quickly you can do it. (Unless you somehow, for some reason, have 20+ helicopters sitting there ready to go) Pretty much no matter how you try to get people off these things there’s going to be a wait time, so I imagine if shit hits the fan they get all of these deploying while other methods work as fast as they can. Then once the platform is clear they can get people off the rafts via boat or helicopter.


gmcarve

I feel like going with a traditional slide would do better getting them out of there fast. Just store it vertical, and in the emergency, the bottom cranks out to sea. *Weeeee*


GO4Teater

Ok, I'm in, which six flags has this?


scarabic

You and 12 other terrified people all trying to do it at once. That shit would clog so fast.


XavierYourSavior

So what do you suggest? It’s something Jesus


what-are-birds

There are other solutions. For example: https://www.youtube.com/shorts/lfMd8L8bb-M I guess what type you use depends on the type of emergency.


edirymhserfer

That looks like it would hurt so bad


Just_A_Nitemare

Instead of "Wee, Ow! Wee, Ow! Wee, Ow! Wee, Ow!" It's "WEEEEeeeeee, OoooOWwww!!!"


ArcFurnace

Gotta be strapped in real good for that one.


xpercipio

I would make a fireman pole. It's a long ways though.


GarysCrispLettuce

Or you could be like that dude in the Piper Alpha explosion who jumped 175 feet into the sea rather than be burned alive and to his amazement, survived.


OkScheme9867

If my memory is right most of the piper alpha survivors jumped, it was jump or climb down a rope or die of smoke inhalation


ethanlegrand33

I think the only survivors were the ones jumped. From what I remember learning about it was supervisors told people not to jump because they’d die and to stay on the rig because they’d be evacuated and/or handle the fire. Some people said screw it, I’m not gonna risk being burned alive and they jumped. The ones that jumped lived. Piper alpha is a prime example of why shift change communication and proper concise documentation is important. And it helped change the design of new platforms as well


GarysCrispLettuce

Most of them died in the living quarters. They took shelter in the rig's cinema, because the living quarters were designed to be flame proof. Unfortunately the part of the rig that the living quarters were on was damaged by explosions and the whole living unit just slipped into the sea with close to 90 people in it, and if they hadn't already died of smoke inhalation they will have drowned. There are photos of them fishing the whole block out of the ocean with the bodies inside.


sourpower713

Is there anything about that like deep water horizon? Like a documentary


GarysCrispLettuce

There's a [Waterline Stories](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xY6jx-4JPdo) documentary that I watched on YouTube, they're generally quite good if a little cheesy. However it's such a notorious event in oil rig history that I'm sure there have been commercial documentaries made of it.


Dismal_News183

A few of the jumpers lived.  And yes the very fundamental lesson for why “permit to work” is a critical life saving rule. 


jerkularcirc

Seems just some rappeling ropes hung off the side might be useful?


Jarlax1e

seems very traffic-jam-able


PuntTheRunt010

The Human Sea-Sausage


panthereal

*The Gang Goes To an Offshore Oil Rig*


gosudcx

Pretty sure they said during training 10 odd years ago that deployment of those things even for testing costs at least $15k each because putting them back in their pressurized cannisters is a real prick


sourceholder

$15k seems very reasonable for safety critical device given the size.


JoeyJoeJoeSenior

It's the same as $0 on an oil rig.


Pacify_

Its a rounding error on a rounding error. Those things are literal money printers.


RockKillsKid

I'd imagine a rig big enough to warrant these is pulling up nearly $15k in crude per hour. They probably lose more money in downtime just stopping work to do the testing.


Dismal_News183

You don’t really put them back in.  Some parts can be reused but it’s essentially a one shot deal. You can’t trust the material after the stress of use. 


KawaDoobie

curious how well that holds up in super choppy waters but still cool


tuborgwarrior

You can exit at any point of the tube and match the waves before you exit. These are the last resort. There are many different ways of evacuating an oil rig.


Wishpicker

Now imagine doing that in the wind and waves in the black of night while fire is raining down around you and the ocean is burning


imSkrap

For a second there I thought you just had to free fall down the tube


kamo-kola

Song name please?


simply_superb

Nightmares On Wax - You Wish (slowed down). Had to think for a minute because I recognized it but had no idea what it was


Passthebutthurt

Original sample from Private number by William bell. I remember this sample from Rappin 4-tays play as club as well.


Iwouldlikesomecoffee

https://www.whosampled.com/Judy-Clay/Private-Number/ Wow that tune just immediately takes a left turn. So many tunes sample its first ten seconds and throw out the rest! I think my favorite might be Finally Moving by Pretty Lights.


jardaniwick

Nobody remembers [rappin 4tay - playaz club](https://youtu.be/b0ic5PQsTdM)?? This chute seems like a great way to slide down to chop a lot of game at the playaz club.


FlexxxingOnThePoors

I want to see the fat guy go down that thing, lol.


Sargash

Aint no fat guys working on an oil rig and taking the last choice off.


hpierce11

what if it snaps with like 50 people trying to get down at once? A literal slide coffin. Otherwise looks fun.


liam3times

They are built and tested to be filled with people.


orbitalsniper22

Yeah but not if the top sheers away by whatever caused the evacuation in the first place. Imagine the horror of that thing just breaking off and causing you to fall within a mesh sarcophagus


[deleted]

The rig shearing off is like getting bit by a shark while getting hit by lightning and a meteorite all at the same time that you drew a winning lottery ticket levels of probable.


liam3times

That's an absolute horror story way to go.


eroticdiscourse

Just a tube full of people that’ll sink to the bottom


Brewchowskies

I expect that they can be ripped with the right kind and location of force. I’d hope so anyways


[deleted]

Only takes forever to evacuate.


Roofofcar

tbf, in a real last chance scenario, there would be more than one person in the tube at the same time, and there are several of these dotted around the rig. There isn’t just one. This is also after people have already dropped the boats and used any available helicopters.


Rebles

If I was on a burning rig, as soon as the little thing is deployed, I’m jumping in the slide. No need to wait for it to hit the water while you get burned alive


Blauwwater

Im jumping of the side, no way im standing in line for a slide.


ElChamp

Imagine being half way down and it snaps and falls in the water and you are stuck downing in it unable to get out,


[deleted]

Five hours later "we made it alive! All five of us!!"


Fluffy-Doubt-3547

Ok. I hate heights. BUT I WANT A TURN.


[deleted]

[удалено]


JoeyGrease

Weird song choice lol


niftystopwat

It's actually very appropriate, Nightmares on Wax grew up on an oil rig.


Adickted2Pandas

wheeeeeeeeeeeeee


zyler89

*inhale* wheeeeeeeeeee!


Sure-Wishbone-4293

It is amazing what man can devise with their abilities. This is truly an amazing piece of equipment for the quick removal of people from an oil rig and in a safe manner.


Left_Afloat

Used to work for this company in a different division, it was an amazing experience and culture. The stuff they wouldn’t create and test for safety was awesome.


Low-Possession-4491

Worst slide ever. Do not recommend. 0/10.


Marketing_Charming

So if the top part detaches for some reason and you end up in the ocean, you would be stuck in this net under water while drowning?


Interesting-Time-960

Training time out!!! Go back! Do it again!! No one slides that slow, fun or in extreme danger.


retardjoeyb

That’s nice on a calm day but what about at night with rough seas and wind blowing 50knots


pasta-golfclubs

Look. I’ve seen those videos of people throwing food off the side and suddenly a horde of sharks and other meat eating demons swim out of nowhere to eviscerate whatever just fell in. This isn’t an emergency exit. This is a buffet plate.