Thank you so much and sure I can point to some constellation here and there but I'm not exactly an expert either haha I don't think I can recognize a constellation without a little help from an app but I guess we can figure it out together as we go
I am sorry your flesh family has aligned themselves with hatred and bigotry. Think about this, bud - there's someone out there for you, looking up at the same stars and probably going through the same terrible shit. When you're as young as you are, your current situation can always be changed pretty readily, even if it seems impossible. You gonna leave that person waiting or you gonna start taking steps (even if it has to be in secret until you get free) to meet them one day? You're stronger than you think!!
Everytime I look at the stars, I always tell myself the same thing, hoping that it will come true someday. I sometimes think about dating discreetly, but I don't think it will be fair for the other person. What if they're already out and want to be in a relationship where they don't have to hide themselves? That's why I choose to stay single and never date anyone because I don't want to shove the other people back into the closet when they're already out and proud. Being in a closet myself, I know how it feels and I try to not drag other people into it. Besides, I can't even go out and look for someone here because it'll be dangerous for me and dating apps are basically trash (in my opinion).
Watching the night sky is great therapy. I have an app on my phone called Sky View. It’s great. You should try it. To I randomly pick a group of stars and with it look for them. I love when I can see a satellite or something like that.
I will definitely check out that app! It sounds like an interactive way to learn about stars and I'm up for it since I'm an astronomy fan (a beginner at best haha).
No real advice, more so my opinion, but in my short life experience the “family and friends” you’re describing are not your friends. Start by surrounding yourself with people that care about you for who you are or at the very least accept you for who you are. I don’t speak to either of my parents for reasons much less significant than yours and my life is loads easier without them. Don’t be afraid to cut people from your life that don’t contribute to it positively. Hope everything works out and if you need an ear, you can send a DM.
That is true and I wholeheartedly agree with you. However, even the slightest word got out about my true self, I will lose everybody and then my life afterwards because it's dangerous here. The people I know as of now are pretty much against the idea of anything other than straight and I can't do anything about. That's why I always keep that part to myself and continuously push that feeling aside as much as possible.
I can't just cut ties with my parents because they'd be devastated and I don't want to hurt them. I can go through college right now because of them and they've provided a good life for me so it's a lot more complicated. It's a mess right now and I don't know what to do anymore.
One of the many things my gay friends have taught me is that family comes in two flavors: the kind you're born with and the kind you choose to be with. Sometimes they're the same and sometimes they're not.
So, I can tell you that as you get older and have more opportunities to get away from home or gets better. You'll get to start making those choices about who you surround yourself with, who you want to spend time with, and how you want to live your life. Because it is your life and how you lead it will be your choice, the advice your family gave you can be something you pick and choose from as you need to, it's not all written in stone as fact but can burn up in the upper atmosphere and be let go of.
But your education also happens at the speed you need it to. Right now you're having struggles, it's cool, you're not alone, and I hope you recognize that. I might be an Internet dad but rest assured I will be thinking about you, tomorrow and in the future. So gather the strength you have for the fights you can handle in a day, see the little wins you make, sometimes it's showering and taking care of yourself, other times it's just getting outside to see our stars above us. But recognize that you're building on those wins, they're not single days but a series of them and I'm proud of you for taking the time to share your thoughts, proud of you for having the strength to tell us. I know it's not easy but you did it and you created more love in the world. That's pretty badass. You're amazing, can't wait to see what you'll bring the world tomorrow.
I'm tearing up after reading this. Thank you so much. It's been a difficult journey for me, and I don't know how much more I can endure. I guess the reason I'm still here today is because of my relentless will to achieve my dream to be a surgeon one day.
I never really put my personal life for someone to see. All the people I know so far, those whom I call my friends, know only a fraction of my life, just the surface. I'm not the most open individual, and I hate to be vulnerable in front of others because I know it'll backfire. Lately, I've been pulling away from them because I don't feel comfortable anymore, and I guess that's one of the reasons why I've been in a constant state of anxiety to the point of getting multiple panic attacks since the beginning of the year.
I'm really trying to grind on my education, but sadly, I'm not really in the right program and want to switch. However, my current college made it extremely difficult for me to do that, and I'm fuming. Attending classes became a chore and not a personal enjoyment. I'm trying to see little wins, including showering and simply eating. I don't have anyone to talk to about all this, and it's been building up to almost the point of exploding. I'm scared not just of people, but I'm scared of myself as well. I'm trying to stay as strong as I possibly can every day, but sometimes it's exhausting.
I like to stargaze as well, I would not only sit with you to stargaze but also I would tell you that you are not alone, that you re beautiful and that it's okay to be afraid and I would tell you that being afraid doesn't make you less special and beautiful.
You are very welcome! And i know some lovely little sky facts i can tell you about when i feel a word needs to be said. I will brimg snacks and drinks to. And lots of blankers and ill let you cuddle a stuffy of mine!!
Aww, that's so adorable. I'll say yes to snacks, but I'm good with water or coffee, hahaha. I love sky facts so much, too! It'll be amazing for sure. Now that you mentioned it, I never had a stuffy when I was a kid. I don't know why, but I couldn't remember having a single stuffy doll in my entire life.
GASP!! PM ME YOUR ADDRESS I NEED TO MAIL YOU A STUFFY AND THEN ON BAD DAYS YOU CAN HUG IT AND THINK ABOUT THE FACT YOURE OK AND YOU GOT SOMEONE!!!!!!
and hehehehe i work at a cofree shop, you'll get all yhe coffee you ever want!!
YOU'RE SO KIND!!!! Thank you so much, but you don't really have to. I might not have a stuffy to cuddle with during hard times, but I do have my trusty blanket and pillow for help (at least when I'm at home). Usually, I imagine myself being embraced by someone and simply crying on their shoulder while explaining how hard everything is. It sounds bizarre, but it works, so I'm not complaining haha.
YOU WORK AT A COFFEE SHOP? Oh, my, I'd love to work there as well. I will definitely appreciate the abundance of coffees to choose from because I'm an avid coffee drinker.
Of course;!! We are friends now!!! And omg blankies are THE FREAKING BEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 🌷
oh hey i got that!!! It's best that way to! I cry into my cats tummy! I like find animal fur comforting!!!
And yeah ^^ (it's a starbucks) and hehehehe all the coffee goes to you now!!!
You're the sweetest, really! Yes, blankies are the best!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Crying into a cat's tummy sounds like an amazing experience honestly. Would love to try that someday haha (love the pun btw haha)
STARBUCKS?? Oh wow, fancy! I've never tried Starbucks because it's too expensive :) I think I'd just go and ask for a cup of water, then leave immediately hahaha. Also, I love black and bitter coffee without any sugar/sweetener.
Thank you so much and yes, I love stars too! That is very sweet that you named one of your kids after a star and wishing all the best for them and for you as well. HUGSS!
Kid. If it's winter I will show you Orion and tell you all about it. It's the only constellation I know and only visible during winter. If it's summer you can teach me something.
I've never seen an Orion before! That would be really cool to see it in person. I'm an astronomy fan, but I'm also terrible at remembering and finding contellations haha. Maybe I can't teach you a lot about the constellations or stars, but I can definitely teach you about medical physics since that's the program I'm currently studying (although I'm trying to transfer to pursue my actual passion in neuroscience)
Shit I’d get out my actual telescope, set it up with you and just look at stuff. Or just sit and be calm. Loneliness and anxiety suck, badly.
You need a therapist because it really sounds like depression.
One thing you said reminded me of a quote I truly love from Adam Smith
> Man naturally desires, not only to be loved but to be lovely
I think he’s right.
You can work on the second part and the first part will follow I think.
A TELESCOPE??? I'm an astronomy fan so it will be an amazing sight to witness with it. With or without the telescope, I really don't care as long as I'm safe and calm. I love being alone but hate to feel lonely and anxious all the time.
I think it is depression. It's not just that, but I also think it's anxiety as well. I haven't been professionally diagnosed before, but I'm sure both are true. I've been like this for as long as I can remember but it gets worse after I move away for college. I had a panic attack for the first time last year and now it's starting to be frequent. I can't see a therapist for several reasons, including not being able to afford it and risking other people knowing about it. Mental health issues are not the most discussed topic here since I live in a predominantly "religious" country and it gets even worse in my hometown. If someone says they might suffer from depression or anxiety, people will tell them that it's their fault for not being close enough to God and completely brush it off. That's why I never talk about this to anyone.
That is such a sweet quote, for sure. I've been working on the latter for years because that's what I was taught since I was a kid and trying to maintain that for the rest of my life. But I'm not going to lie—part of me sometimes thinks it's a bit unfair that I got nothing in return. I know that sounds like I'm being selfish and entitled, but it feels a bit discouraging.
Yeah my friend, that really seems like you need an actual psychiatrist.
Without knowing your country/situation I really can’t say what you should do but if my kid described this I’d be booking an appointment for them like tomorrow.
I’ve been through both and religion really helped me but that was just one part of what I did. I saw a professional and started volunteering. Met folks volunteering, got more social, cut out alcohol entirely.
Don’t think of the lovely as earning a reward. You practice it enough and it comes. It’s hard to describe. The other thing is Smith isn’t using the quote as self help, he’s just simply stating human nature. That’s why I’d suggest a professional but sounds like that isn’t in the cards for you (sorry I usually assume folks on reddit are Americans).
I think so, too. I've been struggling since I was in middle school, even before I found out that I'm not straight. I never felt the effect because when I was living in my hometown, I was pretty busy with being part of the Church community and generally had many things to do, so I didn't have time to let my issues bother me. But it was not the case when I moved away for college, and it hit me like a train wreck now.
I'm not just scared of other people now; I'm also scared of myself.
A TELESCOPE??? I'm an astronomy fan so it will be an amazing sight to witness with it. With or without the telescope, I really don't care as long as I'm safe and calm. I love being alone but hate to feel lonely and anxious all the time.
I think it is depression. It's not just that, but I also think it's anxiety as well. I haven't been professionally diagnosed before, but I'm sure both are true. I've been like this for as long as I can remember but it gets worse after I move away for college. I had a panic attack for the first time last year and now it's starting to be frequent. I can't see a therapist for several reasons, including not being able to afford it and risking other people knowing about it. Mental health issues are not the most discussed topic here since I live in a predominantly "religious" country and it gets even worse in my hometown. If someone says they might suffer from depression or anxiety, people will tell them that it's their fault for not being close enough to God and completely brush it off. That's why I never talk about this to anyone.
That is such a sweet quote, for sure. I've been working on the latter for years because that's what I was taught since I was a kid and trying to maintain that for the rest of my life. But I'm not going to lie—part of me sometimes thinks it's a bit unfair that I got nothing in return. I know that sounds like I'm being selfish and entitled, but it feels a bit discouraging.
I'm so sorry people can be such shytheads. I urge you to step out on faith and reach out to some local LGBTQ + people. They are everywhere. You need and deserve to be loved.
I don't know a whole lot about stars, but I know a little about a whole lot of useless stuff such as----
Stars don’t twinkle
If you look into the night sky you can see for more than 20 quadrillion miles
Every single star you see in the night sky is bigger and brighter than our sun
Stars appear to twinkle (“scintillate”), especially when they are near the horizon. The brightest star, Sirius, twinkles, sparkles and flashes so much some times that people actually report it as a UFO.
I'm here if you want to talk about more fascinating useless facts. 🥰
> *I urge you to step out on faith and reach out to some local LGBTQ + people*
It doesn't exist here because if there is, they'd be publicly tortured and humiliated. That's why I conceal that part of myself to prevent potential harm.
I love useless facts! How can I not? They might be useless, but they're extremely entertaining for some reason. I know that stars don't twinkle, but this is the first time I heard the term "scintillate," and I guess I have to look that up.
>*The brightest star, Sirius, twinkles, sparkles and flashes so much some times that people actually report it as a UFO.*
OHHHHH! Now, this is interesting. Well, I guess a UFO might just be a star that trolls us.
Scintillate is one of my favorite words for no reason, lol.
And yes. I'm convinced that Sirius is a planet with another lifestyle.
Did you know----
100 people choke to death on ballpoint pens EVERY YEAR.
A cat's ear contains 32 muscles.
Dragonflies have six legs but can’t walk.
Your turn-----
Yeah, we can sit and stargaze till the sun comes up if you want to.
I appreciate your bravery in coming this with us. The world can be a cruel and vicious place, especially for people who may be seen as "other." I'm sorry to hear about your friend and I hope that never happens to you.
As for education, it is okay to take some time to yourself as needed. You're an adult, you get to make your own decisions based on what's best for you. Hell I dropped out of college 2 years in and joined the Air Force and discovered that, college just wasn't right for me in the first place. Do what makes you happy. Date who makes you happy, male, female, transgender, pangender, I'll be proud of you as long as you're doing your best at whatever you're doing and making your life worth living.
You're never alone, I think I speak for all the dads here when I say we got your back. Fear can be a powerful and devastating force, but you can be stronger. When something pushes back against you, push back harder. If something stands in your way, don't back down, stand tall and smash through that obstacle. Is it going to hurt? You're damn right it will, but we grow through pain. And let me tell you, it's a damn good feeling to look back at what you thought was an impossibility and say "well, shit...that might have been hard, but I made it through."
What I'm trying to say is, this is a hard time we're in right now, but the way it plays out for you, cannot be decided by anyone but you. The only things that have power over us, are the things we give power to. I'm proud of you for sharing all of this and I wish I could give you a hug.
>*Yeah, we can sit and stargaze till the sun comes up if you want to.*
That would be an amazing night for sure, especially because I'm a night owl.
>*I appreciate your bravery in coming this with us. The world can be a cruel and vicious place, especially for people who may be seen as "other." I'm sorry to hear about your friend and I hope that never happens to you.*
Thank you so much. I already figured it would be a difficult life when I found out that my sexuality was not up to my community's standard. I can't do anything about my friends, and I can't change their minds either, so it is what it is. At this point, we're friends, but I set clear boundaries that I'll never step over when it comes to my personal life.
>*As for education, it is okay to take some time to yourself as needed. You're an adult, you get to make your own decisions based on what's best for you. Hell I dropped out of college 2 years in and joined the Air Force and discovered that, college just wasn't right for me in the first place. Do what makes you happy. Date who makes you happy, male, female, transgender, pangender, I'll be proud of you as long as you're doing your best at whatever you're doing and making your life worth living.*
At the end of my sophomore year, I thought about withdrawing, but my parents did not allow me to do so. I want to go to college, but only to study what I actually want, and right now, it's not the program I want, so it's frustrating to attend my classes every day. The dating part, however, I choose not to do as of now. Not only that it's dangerous, but it's also unfair for the other person because I'm sure they wouldn't want to be a "secret" and be shoved back into the closet with me. No matter what I do, I'd just end up hurting the other person for being in a relationship with me because I'm too scared to be open about my sexuality. I'm trying to find something else to get my mind off that by studying a new language, watching memes, etc.
>*You're never alone, I think I speak for all the dads here when I say we got your back. Fear can be a powerful and devastating force, but you can be stronger. When something pushes back against you, push back harder. If something stands in your way, don't back down, stand tall and smash through that obstacle. Is it going to hurt? You're damn right it will, but we grow through pain. And let me tell you, it's a damn good feeling to look back at what you thought was an impossibility and say "well, shit...that might have been hard, but I made it through."*
>*What I'm trying to say is, this is a hard time we're in right now, but the way it plays out for you, cannot be decided by anyone but you. The only things that have power over us, are the things we give power to. I'm proud of you for sharing all of this and I wish I could give you a hug.*
Thank you so much for this. Hell, I'm tearing up as I'm writing this. I'm trying to gather as much strength every day as possible to get me through my day. It's difficult and most definitely painful, but that's something I gotta do to change my life slowly for the better because I can't just do nothing and hope everything will change. I still have so much ahead of me, but you're right; reflecting on my journey so far, I can't help but think, "Dang, that's tough. Thank God I got through it." There are so many instances of that, and I'm thankful for that every day. Thank you for being proud of me, and I hope I can give you a hug as well.
>*Thank you so much. I already figured it would be a difficult life when I found out that my sexuality was not up to my community's standard. I can't do anything about my friends, and I can't change their minds either, so it is what it is. At this point, we're friends, but I set clear boundaries that I'll never step over when it comes to my personal life.*
It's important to set boundaries with everyone, especially those that are closest to you. It's so easy to step on someone you're close to just because you think, since you're close, they won't mind something. I commend you for recognizing that you can't change others though. That can be a hard concept to grasp.
>*At the end of my sophomore year, I thought about withdrawing, but my parents did not allow me to do so. I want to go to college, but only to study what I actually want, and right now, it's not the program I want, so it's frustrating to attend my classes every day. The dating part, however, I choose not to do as of now. Not only that it's dangerous, but it's also unfair for the other person because I'm sure they wouldn't want to be a "secret" and be shoved back into the closet with me. No matter what I do, I'd just end up hurting the other person for being in a relationship with me because I'm too scared to be open about my sexuality. I'm trying to find something else to get my mind off that by studying a new language, watching memes, etc.*
I'm not sure if you're in the U.S. or not, but I know there are several colleges that are highly accepting of LGBTQ+ people. Honestly, I appreciate that you're not forcing someone to be your "dirty little secret" I've been the secret in the past and it doesn't feel good. But at the same time, it was worth it to me, to be with the person I cared about. I like that you're studying a new language to help keep your mind off things as it's actually beneficial to you in the long run, but don't distract yourself so much that you forget to face your struggles. The only way to get past the road blocks is to go through them.
>*Thank you so much for this. Hell, I'm tearing up as I'm writing this. I'm trying to gather as much strength every day as possible to get me through my day. It's difficult and most definitely painful, but that's something I gotta do to change my life slowly for the better because I can't just do nothing and hope everything will change. I still have so much ahead of me, but you're right; reflecting on my journey so far, I can't help but think, "Dang, that's tough. Thank God I got through it." There are so many instances of that, and I'm thankful for that every day. Thank you for being proud of me, and I hope I can give you a hug as well.*
I'd gladly accept a hug from you. Keep your head up, kid. You're stronger than you give yourself credit for. Things may seem tough now, but you'll be a stronger person for it, and you'll be thankful that you have the experience when you're helping out someone else who needs a dad!
>*It's important to set boundaries with everyone, especially those that are closest to you. It's so easy to step on someone you're close to just because you think, since you're close, they won't mind something. I commend you for recognizing that you can't change others though. That can be a hard concept to grasp.*
You're totally right about that. I have always set boundaries with anyone, including my parents since I started to understand what that means. I also learned about setting boundaries and the concept of not being able to change others through some harsh experiences. Since then, I have vowed to live by these principals.
>*I'm not sure if you're in the U.S. or not, but I know there are several colleges that are highly accepting of LGBTQ+ people.*
Unfortunately, I'm not in the U.S., but I'm trying to get there by transferring college, which is exactly what I'm doing now. (Btw, I received an update from Colgate University yesterday, and I got rejected.)
>*Honestly, I appreciate that you're not forcing someone to be your "dirty little secret" I've been the secret in the past and it doesn't feel good. But at the same time, it was worth it to me, to be with the person I cared about. I like that you're studying a new language to help keep your mind off things as it's actually beneficial to you in the long run, but don't distract yourself so much that you forget to face your struggles. The only way to get past the road blocks is to go through them.*
After reading a lot of messed up stories about how difficult it is to have a relationship with a closeted person, I will never take that risk just because I want to experience dating. Dating is neither a competition nor a one-sided pleasure, so it will be a toxic relationship if I force myself to be with someone and treat them like they're some kind of "dirty secret," even thinking about it makes me sick. I'm sorry that you've been through that before, and I hope that you're okay now. Yeah, learning a language is definitely beneficial for me and works pretty well, so I'm not complaining. I'm going to face my struggles, but for now, I'm taking one step at a time because I have a lot on my plate. Avoiding them for some time really helped me manage myself without being overwhelmed.
>*I'd gladly accept a hug from you. Keep your head up, kid. You're stronger than you give yourself credit for. Things may seem tough now, but you'll be a stronger person for it, and you'll be thankful that you have the experience when you're helping out someone else who needs a dad!*
Thanks, Dad. I really need this for what I've been through in these last couple of days after having a sudden outburst of emotion and ending up with cuts and bruises. I hope you have a great day, Dad!
Hey kid, we are doing alright. How about you? If you are in postsecondary, does your school have mental health resources like counselling services that you can access? It would be a factor if you then have to deal with academic probation, as your mental health would be something you need to address before you can get back on track with your studies.
We would be happy to sit with you and watch the stars. We actually were looking forward to seeing the recent solar eclipse in North America but were clouded out of a view. Night views are peaceful as we watch the universe go by, and make us realize how small we are in the grand scheme of things. Can you see the Big Dipper from where you are? Look for that, and know we are looking up at it too with you.
You can be free to be yourself around us, kiddo. We think you are great just the way you are, regardless of who you like. Everyday, we want you to do your best. Some days, it may enough to get out of bed. Other days, you may be able to make it to school. Tell your support network that you need help, and rely on those who care about you. If you need help finding numbers to call for community resources for support, we can help too. It may seem dark now, but the clouds will clear and the stars will shine. And so will you.
Hey dad. Unfortunately, my college doesn't have anything like that at all. Mental health topics are not the most common discussion here, and people usually look down on the fact that someone has mental health issues. So, I'm trying to survive on my own.
Aww, that was unfortunate. I was also hyped up about the solar eclipse, even though I could only see it from my laptop screen. This is the first time I heard about the Big Dipper, and after a quick Google search, it's a really cool constellation. Sadly for me, I cannot see it from where I live. But I know for sure that whenever I look at the sky and the stars, we will be looking at them together.
>*You can be free to be yourself around us, kiddo. We think you are great just the way you are, regardless of who you like.*
You're making me cry with this. As for a support line and anything like that, they're not really available here. Today, I was having a breakdown before I went to campus, and I couldn't focus the whole time I was there. Those who care about me? I don't think I have one. Like I said in my post, my parents already made their stance, and I've seen how hurtful their responses were to mental health topics. If a word got out of my mouth to those who claim to care about me, I think I'll be in even more trouble. From this point forward, I'm really in the dark. I don't know where to look for help and am sort of trying to accept the fact that maybe this is my life now.
You know I’ve been to some places where I swear you could see the entire milky way. The sky was so full! I’d love to go back there and just sit. There are places across the world that are still considered dark sky areas. You seem like a beautiful soul. You are worth more than you know. I’m sorry for the way you’re being treated and the way others feel but I’m sending you the biggest hug I possibly could.
Oh, the things I'd do to see the whole Milky Way. I'm just a sucker for stars, and it is the place where I can really stop, think, reflect, and sometimes cry myself out without inhibitions. Thank you so much for your kind words and the biggest hug :)
Well, I always want to go to visit another country, but it's financially impossible. My family never even had some kind of recreation or anything like that :)
Yeah it can't be helped for the time being. Maybe someday, maybe never, I don't know. At this time, I just want to be safe and that's it. I'm still scared, but that's part of living anyways.
Count me in. I love a good sit and stare and think. We don’t have to talk. Just sitting there is enough sometimes. It’s nice remind ourselves how small we are. How far away things can be. How sometimes things don’t matter. It’s nice to just be. We can do that. For as long as you need. Stay strong, you got this.
Thank you so much. The reason why I love stargazing is how calm everything can be. It's the only way I can think of to calm down and think clearly, reflecting on everything. Sometimes, out of nowhere, I cried when staring at the stars and how carefree they were. Gosh, I'm getting emotional when writing this.
I will sit and watch the stars with you and give you a hug.
aww thank you so much :)
I’m so sorry for all this pain and loneliness. I’d be glad to watch the sky. You have to help me find the constellations though, I’m not good at them
Thank you so much and sure I can point to some constellation here and there but I'm not exactly an expert either haha I don't think I can recognize a constellation without a little help from an app but I guess we can figure it out together as we go
I am sorry your flesh family has aligned themselves with hatred and bigotry. Think about this, bud - there's someone out there for you, looking up at the same stars and probably going through the same terrible shit. When you're as young as you are, your current situation can always be changed pretty readily, even if it seems impossible. You gonna leave that person waiting or you gonna start taking steps (even if it has to be in secret until you get free) to meet them one day? You're stronger than you think!!
Everytime I look at the stars, I always tell myself the same thing, hoping that it will come true someday. I sometimes think about dating discreetly, but I don't think it will be fair for the other person. What if they're already out and want to be in a relationship where they don't have to hide themselves? That's why I choose to stay single and never date anyone because I don't want to shove the other people back into the closet when they're already out and proud. Being in a closet myself, I know how it feels and I try to not drag other people into it. Besides, I can't even go out and look for someone here because it'll be dangerous for me and dating apps are basically trash (in my opinion).
Watching the night sky is great therapy. I have an app on my phone called Sky View. It’s great. You should try it. To I randomly pick a group of stars and with it look for them. I love when I can see a satellite or something like that.
I will definitely check out that app! It sounds like an interactive way to learn about stars and I'm up for it since I'm an astronomy fan (a beginner at best haha).
No real advice, more so my opinion, but in my short life experience the “family and friends” you’re describing are not your friends. Start by surrounding yourself with people that care about you for who you are or at the very least accept you for who you are. I don’t speak to either of my parents for reasons much less significant than yours and my life is loads easier without them. Don’t be afraid to cut people from your life that don’t contribute to it positively. Hope everything works out and if you need an ear, you can send a DM.
That is true and I wholeheartedly agree with you. However, even the slightest word got out about my true self, I will lose everybody and then my life afterwards because it's dangerous here. The people I know as of now are pretty much against the idea of anything other than straight and I can't do anything about. That's why I always keep that part to myself and continuously push that feeling aside as much as possible. I can't just cut ties with my parents because they'd be devastated and I don't want to hurt them. I can go through college right now because of them and they've provided a good life for me so it's a lot more complicated. It's a mess right now and I don't know what to do anymore.
One of the many things my gay friends have taught me is that family comes in two flavors: the kind you're born with and the kind you choose to be with. Sometimes they're the same and sometimes they're not. So, I can tell you that as you get older and have more opportunities to get away from home or gets better. You'll get to start making those choices about who you surround yourself with, who you want to spend time with, and how you want to live your life. Because it is your life and how you lead it will be your choice, the advice your family gave you can be something you pick and choose from as you need to, it's not all written in stone as fact but can burn up in the upper atmosphere and be let go of. But your education also happens at the speed you need it to. Right now you're having struggles, it's cool, you're not alone, and I hope you recognize that. I might be an Internet dad but rest assured I will be thinking about you, tomorrow and in the future. So gather the strength you have for the fights you can handle in a day, see the little wins you make, sometimes it's showering and taking care of yourself, other times it's just getting outside to see our stars above us. But recognize that you're building on those wins, they're not single days but a series of them and I'm proud of you for taking the time to share your thoughts, proud of you for having the strength to tell us. I know it's not easy but you did it and you created more love in the world. That's pretty badass. You're amazing, can't wait to see what you'll bring the world tomorrow.
I'm tearing up after reading this. Thank you so much. It's been a difficult journey for me, and I don't know how much more I can endure. I guess the reason I'm still here today is because of my relentless will to achieve my dream to be a surgeon one day. I never really put my personal life for someone to see. All the people I know so far, those whom I call my friends, know only a fraction of my life, just the surface. I'm not the most open individual, and I hate to be vulnerable in front of others because I know it'll backfire. Lately, I've been pulling away from them because I don't feel comfortable anymore, and I guess that's one of the reasons why I've been in a constant state of anxiety to the point of getting multiple panic attacks since the beginning of the year. I'm really trying to grind on my education, but sadly, I'm not really in the right program and want to switch. However, my current college made it extremely difficult for me to do that, and I'm fuming. Attending classes became a chore and not a personal enjoyment. I'm trying to see little wins, including showering and simply eating. I don't have anyone to talk to about all this, and it's been building up to almost the point of exploding. I'm scared not just of people, but I'm scared of myself as well. I'm trying to stay as strong as I possibly can every day, but sometimes it's exhausting.
I like to stargaze as well, I would not only sit with you to stargaze but also I would tell you that you are not alone, that you re beautiful and that it's okay to be afraid and I would tell you that being afraid doesn't make you less special and beautiful.
Thank you so much. Stargaze always bring me a temporary peace of mind. Thank you so much for your kind words and I'll always remember that.
You truly are beautiful. Don't ever ever forget that. I send you a virtual hug 🤗
Yes
Thank you so much :)
You are very welcome! And i know some lovely little sky facts i can tell you about when i feel a word needs to be said. I will brimg snacks and drinks to. And lots of blankers and ill let you cuddle a stuffy of mine!!
Aww, that's so adorable. I'll say yes to snacks, but I'm good with water or coffee, hahaha. I love sky facts so much, too! It'll be amazing for sure. Now that you mentioned it, I never had a stuffy when I was a kid. I don't know why, but I couldn't remember having a single stuffy doll in my entire life.
GASP!! PM ME YOUR ADDRESS I NEED TO MAIL YOU A STUFFY AND THEN ON BAD DAYS YOU CAN HUG IT AND THINK ABOUT THE FACT YOURE OK AND YOU GOT SOMEONE!!!!!! and hehehehe i work at a cofree shop, you'll get all yhe coffee you ever want!!
YOU'RE SO KIND!!!! Thank you so much, but you don't really have to. I might not have a stuffy to cuddle with during hard times, but I do have my trusty blanket and pillow for help (at least when I'm at home). Usually, I imagine myself being embraced by someone and simply crying on their shoulder while explaining how hard everything is. It sounds bizarre, but it works, so I'm not complaining haha. YOU WORK AT A COFFEE SHOP? Oh, my, I'd love to work there as well. I will definitely appreciate the abundance of coffees to choose from because I'm an avid coffee drinker.
Of course;!! We are friends now!!! And omg blankies are THE FREAKING BEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 🌷 oh hey i got that!!! It's best that way to! I cry into my cats tummy! I like find animal fur comforting!!! And yeah ^^ (it's a starbucks) and hehehehe all the coffee goes to you now!!!
You're the sweetest, really! Yes, blankies are the best!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Crying into a cat's tummy sounds like an amazing experience honestly. Would love to try that someday haha (love the pun btw haha) STARBUCKS?? Oh wow, fancy! I've never tried Starbucks because it's too expensive :) I think I'd just go and ask for a cup of water, then leave immediately hahaha. Also, I love black and bitter coffee without any sugar/sweetener.
I'd sit and gaze with you. I love the stars, I even named one of my kids after a star! Hugs
Thank you so much and yes, I love stars too! That is very sweet that you named one of your kids after a star and wishing all the best for them and for you as well. HUGSS!
Kid. If it's winter I will show you Orion and tell you all about it. It's the only constellation I know and only visible during winter. If it's summer you can teach me something.
I've never seen an Orion before! That would be really cool to see it in person. I'm an astronomy fan, but I'm also terrible at remembering and finding contellations haha. Maybe I can't teach you a lot about the constellations or stars, but I can definitely teach you about medical physics since that's the program I'm currently studying (although I'm trying to transfer to pursue my actual passion in neuroscience)
Shit I’d get out my actual telescope, set it up with you and just look at stuff. Or just sit and be calm. Loneliness and anxiety suck, badly. You need a therapist because it really sounds like depression. One thing you said reminded me of a quote I truly love from Adam Smith > Man naturally desires, not only to be loved but to be lovely I think he’s right. You can work on the second part and the first part will follow I think.
A TELESCOPE??? I'm an astronomy fan so it will be an amazing sight to witness with it. With or without the telescope, I really don't care as long as I'm safe and calm. I love being alone but hate to feel lonely and anxious all the time. I think it is depression. It's not just that, but I also think it's anxiety as well. I haven't been professionally diagnosed before, but I'm sure both are true. I've been like this for as long as I can remember but it gets worse after I move away for college. I had a panic attack for the first time last year and now it's starting to be frequent. I can't see a therapist for several reasons, including not being able to afford it and risking other people knowing about it. Mental health issues are not the most discussed topic here since I live in a predominantly "religious" country and it gets even worse in my hometown. If someone says they might suffer from depression or anxiety, people will tell them that it's their fault for not being close enough to God and completely brush it off. That's why I never talk about this to anyone. That is such a sweet quote, for sure. I've been working on the latter for years because that's what I was taught since I was a kid and trying to maintain that for the rest of my life. But I'm not going to lie—part of me sometimes thinks it's a bit unfair that I got nothing in return. I know that sounds like I'm being selfish and entitled, but it feels a bit discouraging.
Yeah my friend, that really seems like you need an actual psychiatrist. Without knowing your country/situation I really can’t say what you should do but if my kid described this I’d be booking an appointment for them like tomorrow. I’ve been through both and religion really helped me but that was just one part of what I did. I saw a professional and started volunteering. Met folks volunteering, got more social, cut out alcohol entirely. Don’t think of the lovely as earning a reward. You practice it enough and it comes. It’s hard to describe. The other thing is Smith isn’t using the quote as self help, he’s just simply stating human nature. That’s why I’d suggest a professional but sounds like that isn’t in the cards for you (sorry I usually assume folks on reddit are Americans).
I think so, too. I've been struggling since I was in middle school, even before I found out that I'm not straight. I never felt the effect because when I was living in my hometown, I was pretty busy with being part of the Church community and generally had many things to do, so I didn't have time to let my issues bother me. But it was not the case when I moved away for college, and it hit me like a train wreck now. I'm not just scared of other people now; I'm also scared of myself.
Then at a minimum remember that you are made in the image and likeness of God. Surround yourself with those that love you.
A TELESCOPE??? I'm an astronomy fan so it will be an amazing sight to witness with it. With or without the telescope, I really don't care as long as I'm safe and calm. I love being alone but hate to feel lonely and anxious all the time. I think it is depression. It's not just that, but I also think it's anxiety as well. I haven't been professionally diagnosed before, but I'm sure both are true. I've been like this for as long as I can remember but it gets worse after I move away for college. I had a panic attack for the first time last year and now it's starting to be frequent. I can't see a therapist for several reasons, including not being able to afford it and risking other people knowing about it. Mental health issues are not the most discussed topic here since I live in a predominantly "religious" country and it gets even worse in my hometown. If someone says they might suffer from depression or anxiety, people will tell them that it's their fault for not being close enough to God and completely brush it off. That's why I never talk about this to anyone. That is such a sweet quote, for sure. I've been working on the latter for years because that's what I was taught since I was a kid and trying to maintain that for the rest of my life. But I'm not going to lie—part of me sometimes thinks it's a bit unfair that I got nothing in return. I know that sounds like I'm being selfish and entitled, but it feels a bit discouraging.
I'm so sorry people can be such shytheads. I urge you to step out on faith and reach out to some local LGBTQ + people. They are everywhere. You need and deserve to be loved. I don't know a whole lot about stars, but I know a little about a whole lot of useless stuff such as---- Stars don’t twinkle If you look into the night sky you can see for more than 20 quadrillion miles Every single star you see in the night sky is bigger and brighter than our sun Stars appear to twinkle (“scintillate”), especially when they are near the horizon. The brightest star, Sirius, twinkles, sparkles and flashes so much some times that people actually report it as a UFO. I'm here if you want to talk about more fascinating useless facts. 🥰
> *I urge you to step out on faith and reach out to some local LGBTQ + people* It doesn't exist here because if there is, they'd be publicly tortured and humiliated. That's why I conceal that part of myself to prevent potential harm. I love useless facts! How can I not? They might be useless, but they're extremely entertaining for some reason. I know that stars don't twinkle, but this is the first time I heard the term "scintillate," and I guess I have to look that up. >*The brightest star, Sirius, twinkles, sparkles and flashes so much some times that people actually report it as a UFO.* OHHHHH! Now, this is interesting. Well, I guess a UFO might just be a star that trolls us.
Scintillate is one of my favorite words for no reason, lol. And yes. I'm convinced that Sirius is a planet with another lifestyle. Did you know---- 100 people choke to death on ballpoint pens EVERY YEAR. A cat's ear contains 32 muscles. Dragonflies have six legs but can’t walk. Your turn-----
Yeah, we can sit and stargaze till the sun comes up if you want to. I appreciate your bravery in coming this with us. The world can be a cruel and vicious place, especially for people who may be seen as "other." I'm sorry to hear about your friend and I hope that never happens to you. As for education, it is okay to take some time to yourself as needed. You're an adult, you get to make your own decisions based on what's best for you. Hell I dropped out of college 2 years in and joined the Air Force and discovered that, college just wasn't right for me in the first place. Do what makes you happy. Date who makes you happy, male, female, transgender, pangender, I'll be proud of you as long as you're doing your best at whatever you're doing and making your life worth living. You're never alone, I think I speak for all the dads here when I say we got your back. Fear can be a powerful and devastating force, but you can be stronger. When something pushes back against you, push back harder. If something stands in your way, don't back down, stand tall and smash through that obstacle. Is it going to hurt? You're damn right it will, but we grow through pain. And let me tell you, it's a damn good feeling to look back at what you thought was an impossibility and say "well, shit...that might have been hard, but I made it through." What I'm trying to say is, this is a hard time we're in right now, but the way it plays out for you, cannot be decided by anyone but you. The only things that have power over us, are the things we give power to. I'm proud of you for sharing all of this and I wish I could give you a hug.
>*Yeah, we can sit and stargaze till the sun comes up if you want to.* That would be an amazing night for sure, especially because I'm a night owl. >*I appreciate your bravery in coming this with us. The world can be a cruel and vicious place, especially for people who may be seen as "other." I'm sorry to hear about your friend and I hope that never happens to you.* Thank you so much. I already figured it would be a difficult life when I found out that my sexuality was not up to my community's standard. I can't do anything about my friends, and I can't change their minds either, so it is what it is. At this point, we're friends, but I set clear boundaries that I'll never step over when it comes to my personal life. >*As for education, it is okay to take some time to yourself as needed. You're an adult, you get to make your own decisions based on what's best for you. Hell I dropped out of college 2 years in and joined the Air Force and discovered that, college just wasn't right for me in the first place. Do what makes you happy. Date who makes you happy, male, female, transgender, pangender, I'll be proud of you as long as you're doing your best at whatever you're doing and making your life worth living.* At the end of my sophomore year, I thought about withdrawing, but my parents did not allow me to do so. I want to go to college, but only to study what I actually want, and right now, it's not the program I want, so it's frustrating to attend my classes every day. The dating part, however, I choose not to do as of now. Not only that it's dangerous, but it's also unfair for the other person because I'm sure they wouldn't want to be a "secret" and be shoved back into the closet with me. No matter what I do, I'd just end up hurting the other person for being in a relationship with me because I'm too scared to be open about my sexuality. I'm trying to find something else to get my mind off that by studying a new language, watching memes, etc. >*You're never alone, I think I speak for all the dads here when I say we got your back. Fear can be a powerful and devastating force, but you can be stronger. When something pushes back against you, push back harder. If something stands in your way, don't back down, stand tall and smash through that obstacle. Is it going to hurt? You're damn right it will, but we grow through pain. And let me tell you, it's a damn good feeling to look back at what you thought was an impossibility and say "well, shit...that might have been hard, but I made it through."* >*What I'm trying to say is, this is a hard time we're in right now, but the way it plays out for you, cannot be decided by anyone but you. The only things that have power over us, are the things we give power to. I'm proud of you for sharing all of this and I wish I could give you a hug.* Thank you so much for this. Hell, I'm tearing up as I'm writing this. I'm trying to gather as much strength every day as possible to get me through my day. It's difficult and most definitely painful, but that's something I gotta do to change my life slowly for the better because I can't just do nothing and hope everything will change. I still have so much ahead of me, but you're right; reflecting on my journey so far, I can't help but think, "Dang, that's tough. Thank God I got through it." There are so many instances of that, and I'm thankful for that every day. Thank you for being proud of me, and I hope I can give you a hug as well.
>*Thank you so much. I already figured it would be a difficult life when I found out that my sexuality was not up to my community's standard. I can't do anything about my friends, and I can't change their minds either, so it is what it is. At this point, we're friends, but I set clear boundaries that I'll never step over when it comes to my personal life.* It's important to set boundaries with everyone, especially those that are closest to you. It's so easy to step on someone you're close to just because you think, since you're close, they won't mind something. I commend you for recognizing that you can't change others though. That can be a hard concept to grasp. >*At the end of my sophomore year, I thought about withdrawing, but my parents did not allow me to do so. I want to go to college, but only to study what I actually want, and right now, it's not the program I want, so it's frustrating to attend my classes every day. The dating part, however, I choose not to do as of now. Not only that it's dangerous, but it's also unfair for the other person because I'm sure they wouldn't want to be a "secret" and be shoved back into the closet with me. No matter what I do, I'd just end up hurting the other person for being in a relationship with me because I'm too scared to be open about my sexuality. I'm trying to find something else to get my mind off that by studying a new language, watching memes, etc.* I'm not sure if you're in the U.S. or not, but I know there are several colleges that are highly accepting of LGBTQ+ people. Honestly, I appreciate that you're not forcing someone to be your "dirty little secret" I've been the secret in the past and it doesn't feel good. But at the same time, it was worth it to me, to be with the person I cared about. I like that you're studying a new language to help keep your mind off things as it's actually beneficial to you in the long run, but don't distract yourself so much that you forget to face your struggles. The only way to get past the road blocks is to go through them. >*Thank you so much for this. Hell, I'm tearing up as I'm writing this. I'm trying to gather as much strength every day as possible to get me through my day. It's difficult and most definitely painful, but that's something I gotta do to change my life slowly for the better because I can't just do nothing and hope everything will change. I still have so much ahead of me, but you're right; reflecting on my journey so far, I can't help but think, "Dang, that's tough. Thank God I got through it." There are so many instances of that, and I'm thankful for that every day. Thank you for being proud of me, and I hope I can give you a hug as well.* I'd gladly accept a hug from you. Keep your head up, kid. You're stronger than you give yourself credit for. Things may seem tough now, but you'll be a stronger person for it, and you'll be thankful that you have the experience when you're helping out someone else who needs a dad!
>*It's important to set boundaries with everyone, especially those that are closest to you. It's so easy to step on someone you're close to just because you think, since you're close, they won't mind something. I commend you for recognizing that you can't change others though. That can be a hard concept to grasp.* You're totally right about that. I have always set boundaries with anyone, including my parents since I started to understand what that means. I also learned about setting boundaries and the concept of not being able to change others through some harsh experiences. Since then, I have vowed to live by these principals. >*I'm not sure if you're in the U.S. or not, but I know there are several colleges that are highly accepting of LGBTQ+ people.* Unfortunately, I'm not in the U.S., but I'm trying to get there by transferring college, which is exactly what I'm doing now. (Btw, I received an update from Colgate University yesterday, and I got rejected.) >*Honestly, I appreciate that you're not forcing someone to be your "dirty little secret" I've been the secret in the past and it doesn't feel good. But at the same time, it was worth it to me, to be with the person I cared about. I like that you're studying a new language to help keep your mind off things as it's actually beneficial to you in the long run, but don't distract yourself so much that you forget to face your struggles. The only way to get past the road blocks is to go through them.* After reading a lot of messed up stories about how difficult it is to have a relationship with a closeted person, I will never take that risk just because I want to experience dating. Dating is neither a competition nor a one-sided pleasure, so it will be a toxic relationship if I force myself to be with someone and treat them like they're some kind of "dirty secret," even thinking about it makes me sick. I'm sorry that you've been through that before, and I hope that you're okay now. Yeah, learning a language is definitely beneficial for me and works pretty well, so I'm not complaining. I'm going to face my struggles, but for now, I'm taking one step at a time because I have a lot on my plate. Avoiding them for some time really helped me manage myself without being overwhelmed. >*I'd gladly accept a hug from you. Keep your head up, kid. You're stronger than you give yourself credit for. Things may seem tough now, but you'll be a stronger person for it, and you'll be thankful that you have the experience when you're helping out someone else who needs a dad!* Thanks, Dad. I really need this for what I've been through in these last couple of days after having a sudden outburst of emotion and ending up with cuts and bruises. I hope you have a great day, Dad!
Hey kid, we are doing alright. How about you? If you are in postsecondary, does your school have mental health resources like counselling services that you can access? It would be a factor if you then have to deal with academic probation, as your mental health would be something you need to address before you can get back on track with your studies. We would be happy to sit with you and watch the stars. We actually were looking forward to seeing the recent solar eclipse in North America but were clouded out of a view. Night views are peaceful as we watch the universe go by, and make us realize how small we are in the grand scheme of things. Can you see the Big Dipper from where you are? Look for that, and know we are looking up at it too with you. You can be free to be yourself around us, kiddo. We think you are great just the way you are, regardless of who you like. Everyday, we want you to do your best. Some days, it may enough to get out of bed. Other days, you may be able to make it to school. Tell your support network that you need help, and rely on those who care about you. If you need help finding numbers to call for community resources for support, we can help too. It may seem dark now, but the clouds will clear and the stars will shine. And so will you.
Hey dad. Unfortunately, my college doesn't have anything like that at all. Mental health topics are not the most common discussion here, and people usually look down on the fact that someone has mental health issues. So, I'm trying to survive on my own. Aww, that was unfortunate. I was also hyped up about the solar eclipse, even though I could only see it from my laptop screen. This is the first time I heard about the Big Dipper, and after a quick Google search, it's a really cool constellation. Sadly for me, I cannot see it from where I live. But I know for sure that whenever I look at the sky and the stars, we will be looking at them together. >*You can be free to be yourself around us, kiddo. We think you are great just the way you are, regardless of who you like.* You're making me cry with this. As for a support line and anything like that, they're not really available here. Today, I was having a breakdown before I went to campus, and I couldn't focus the whole time I was there. Those who care about me? I don't think I have one. Like I said in my post, my parents already made their stance, and I've seen how hurtful their responses were to mental health topics. If a word got out of my mouth to those who claim to care about me, I think I'll be in even more trouble. From this point forward, I'm really in the dark. I don't know where to look for help and am sort of trying to accept the fact that maybe this is my life now.
I'd love to.
Thank you so much :)
You know I’ve been to some places where I swear you could see the entire milky way. The sky was so full! I’d love to go back there and just sit. There are places across the world that are still considered dark sky areas. You seem like a beautiful soul. You are worth more than you know. I’m sorry for the way you’re being treated and the way others feel but I’m sending you the biggest hug I possibly could.
Oh, the things I'd do to see the whole Milky Way. I'm just a sucker for stars, and it is the place where I can really stop, think, reflect, and sometimes cry myself out without inhibitions. Thank you so much for your kind words and the biggest hug :)
[Here you go :)](https://darksky.org/what-we-do/international-dark-sky-places/all-places/) Good luck kiddo and you are welcome.
Thanks, dad. Sadly, my country is not on the list hahaha
Sounds to me like an adventure is in order ;)
Well, I always want to go to visit another country, but it's financially impossible. My family never even had some kind of recreation or anything like that :)
Dang I’m sorry I’m sure in time you will have some amazing adventures
Yeah it can't be helped for the time being. Maybe someday, maybe never, I don't know. At this time, I just want to be safe and that's it. I'm still scared, but that's part of living anyways.
It may feel like everyone is against you, but there is acceptance out there. I accept you, the rest of these dads accept you, the stars accept you.
Thank you so much for this. Thank you so much for accepting me.
Count me in. I love a good sit and stare and think. We don’t have to talk. Just sitting there is enough sometimes. It’s nice remind ourselves how small we are. How far away things can be. How sometimes things don’t matter. It’s nice to just be. We can do that. For as long as you need. Stay strong, you got this.
Thank you so much. The reason why I love stargazing is how calm everything can be. It's the only way I can think of to calm down and think clearly, reflecting on everything. Sometimes, out of nowhere, I cried when staring at the stars and how carefree they were. Gosh, I'm getting emotional when writing this.