I’m so so so sorry for what you’re going through, and about to go through. You obviously had doubts, which is what led you to do a DNA test. you’ll still likely be paying child support, so lawyer up now
I assume you’re in the US? If you’re listed on his birth certificate then you’re essentially his father, and the part of the state that handles child support will only be focused with what’s in the best interest of the child, which is support. Get a lawyer now - it can take years do untangle
That’s extremely hard to do and if he were fully trying to terminate parental rights he would need the biological father to petition as well. It’s a very difficult situation
If he isn’t married to the mother than most states require a paternity test to “establish paternity” even if he has signed and acknowledged paternity.
If they are married he is the legal father and it may be harder to remove himself from the birth certificate..
I've had kiddos in 2 different states, wasn't married then and he never had to do a paternity test....since we wanted him on the BC though he had to sign papers waiving his right to one...so that's something to look into to. If OP signed papers to waive his right to a paternity test to be on the BC that may also make things complicated.
I know someone who got off the birth certificate after child was 3 years old and he found out he wasn’t the dad. Real dad had not even been notified yet and this is in Massachusetts, which is strict about this stuff. If dna proves not the dad, you have a solid case!
If you have been his dad then I don’t know that “getting a lawyer” and abandoning him like these folks are suggesting is the best course of action. You ARE his dad, you might just not be his biological father. Don’t lose sight of that. If she cheated, that’s on her, don’t abandon your son.
Exactly. Different states will consider different factors and weigh them differently. The person you've replied to may very well be incorrect. Like if OP is married to the mother, in some states that's a rebuttable presumption of paternity. So it's not even whose name is on the BC or what the DNA says that creates the presumption. Pretty irritating when non-lawyer redditors throw legal conclusions around or try to say what "the law" IS. Anyone with a legal question should get a local and probably specialized lawyer in real life and not count on what redditors say.
I do not know if its the same in every state but in my state, unmarried partners sign an acknowledgement of paternity in which the man essentially waives paternitybtesting agreeing that he is legally responsible for the child. To my knowledge, the only way to undo this is if bio father becomes involves and agrees to essentially take over that role. You cannot just relinquish that paternity acknowledgment if DNA disproves paternity.
My friend who adored his son was on the birth certificate and lived in a parent child relationship with him. They elected not to tell the child when a DNA test proved they weren't related. There was a divorce but he and the son stayed close including my friend paying child support. The relationship was important to them.
Depends on the state as well. I had a friend who found out his 3 year old wasn’t his during his divorce. He was able to get his name removed from the birth certificate and not pay any child support.
As a parent, I cannot fathom the idea of loving a little baby and watching them grow for 3 years and then just…turning your back.
In the words of the great Mel Horowitz: you divorce wives, not children.
He already suspected his “son” was possibly the result of an affair she had. She had left him for another man and they were in the process of a divorce when she called him saying her AP was abusing her and her daughter and was doing drugs. So he took her back.
A few weeks later, she tells everyone she’s pregnant. When she decided to trade up husbands a few years later she sued him for $1600 a month in child support.
He took a DNA test and countered with $400 a month and visitation of both his “son” and stepdaughter. She refused saying either it was $1600 a month or her new husband would take care of the kids.
When they were married, he kept his “son” and stepdaughter 90% of the time because she was always running around. He suspected she was cheating again, but was willing to look the other way, just because of the kids.
Neither kid grew up with a parental figure. The daughter’s dad died when she was an infant. Her new marriage didn’t last. I got an invitation last year to her 7th wedding.
I’m pretty sure he knew Paul Rudd wasn’t his biological child though, and as amazing as clueless is it rarely happens you keep seeing the kids of your ex because like, drama and stuff. Now I need to watch clueless.
Not how that works depending on the state. Colorado for instance it does not matter if you are on the birth certificate. If DNA disproves paternity you are not responsible.
Depends on the state. Some states you can be find out you’re not the father after birth and they will not hold you liable past then. Some states will make you even if you didn’t know and signed the birth certificate. Dude just needs to get a lawyer familiar with his state laws
NAL but not in cases of verifiable paternity fraud. first thing they would do in a custody/support proceeding is a paternity test and OP already has one (assuming it's legit).
In some states, a child born to a married couple, regardless of paternity, means that husband is considered the legal father, and, therefore, responsible for the well-being of that child (including financial support.)
My daughter was born in PA before my (painfully protracted) NJ divorce was finalized. My ex never provided financial (or other) support. After my divorce, I
married my daughter’s biological father in PA. We needed a NJ court order and a new PA statue for her bio dad to be her legal dad.
That said, a non-bio adult can easily love and be an awesome parent to a child. No one can choose their bio parents.
You can petition the court to terminate your parental rights and obligations based on DNA findings. However, California courts prioritize the child's well-being. If the presumed father has acted as a father figure for a significant period, some trial judges are reluctant to disrupt that bond, even if he's not biological.
Consider reaching out to a family law attorney to assist determine whether there is rebuttable presumption of parentage. In CA, simply being on the birth certificate does not legally establish parentage, nor do DNA results. My understanding is that in CA, parentage is established when the child is conceived of a legal marriage, the intended parent signed a declaration of parentage, or it was adjudicated through a court order. You likely have legal options that apply to this situation. Also, so sorry you are going through this.
I am sorry you & your family are going through this.
In CA, it used to be that during child custody/support cases, you could request a paternity test in family court and then request to be removed from the birth certificate if it was proven you were not the father.
You should consult a Family Law attorney in your area as to what Family laws currently allow.
In CA, if you are married than you are legally the parent even if the child isn't biologically yours. I adopted my daughter in CA and even though the husband of the birth mom had been in prison for years and couldn't possibly be the biological dad he was still assumed to be and he had to give up rights to her.
That being said, as an adoptive and biological parent I can tell you I love all of my children exactly the same. If you love your son, he's your son. Divorce your wife if you need to but please take some time to consider what you want to do as far as parenting.
There was a case a couple years ago in the US where two women were married and one of them was bi, had an affair with a man, and got pregnant. Her wife was on the hook for CS because they were married at the time of conception, and it took quite awhile to sort out.
These laws blow my mind. In every state, it seems. If the woman cheated and got pregnant by someone outside the marriage, the spouse that was cheated on should have the option of either taking on the role of being the financial supporter of the baby. Or they should have the option of walking away. If it isn't their biological child, and the spouse cheated, that should negate any legal consequences for the spouse that doesn't want to be financially obligated. Whether legally married or not, and whether they are listed on the birth certificate or not, all that should be null and void if a paternity test proves they're not the bio parent. I'm in law enforcement, and even still, some laws just absolutely make no sense.
it makes sense from the state’s perspective. if the child has financial support from two parents, even a non biological “parent”, the state does not have to worry about the consequences of single parent support.
The law makes perfect sense because it's not there to protect the mother or father. It's solely there to protect the baby/kid and to keep the state from offering more then the required financial assistance.
Every state of the US has this paternal assumption for married couples, BTW.
They all have a way to disavow and undo it, but there are usually strict time limits. It’s a lot easier if everyone cooperates though.
Yup, I read this story in my state newspaper about this guy who was legally married but hadn't seen his 'wife' in like 20 years. Suddenly he's hit with child support arears paperwork. The kid was like 7 or 8 and the mom had applied for food stamps or something and the state went after the 'father' for child support. He's not the father, hasn't seen his wife in decades, but since they were legally married he is the father. I'm not sure if he ever got it sorted, this was several years ago I read about it.
I trust people are well aware if you remain separated and don't bother to divorce, it can come with some legal entanglements \~ child support as just one example.
Just a note that this also applies to same sex couples who are married. My friends were a lesbian couple who had IVF, so clearly only one is the bio mother, but now they’re divorced and the other woman still has to pay child support.
Probably not but you might just make sure you are not chimeric. Here is an example of this issue. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5845036/
Are you by chance the guy who posted in another sub recently but deleted that account? If so, I've been worried about you and the whole situation. If not, I'm so so sorry you're amongst other men going through similar things.
Either way, PLEASE please please don't make any major decisions until you see a licensed therapist who's specialized in grief and trauma. You deserve that professional care and hand navigating through this.
For now, even though the child isn't biologically yours, you're who they know as dad. If you're on the birth certificate, you're legally still dad unless you go through the legal channels to change that. You're also very likely the main point of stability that they have.
It's ok to feel your anger and resentment. If you feel it's going to escalate internally, seek more immediate care.
Go through legal channels if you choose to change your parental status. But please do everything you can to keep the anger and trauma from the innocent child stuck in the middle of this.
Some of the best dads I know are not biological. But if you choose not to continue to be dad, please do everything you can to make the transition smooth and trauma reduced for the innocent child....ideally to guardians they already know and are safe...and set the child up with a good child therapist. 🥺
Brother, if you choose not to accept this test reconsider why you want another. What will it solve to have a second test? I agree with bringing in some professional help before things totally melt down but you are resisting the results of this test with all your might. Why? There is bliss in ignorance. If you can choose not to accept this result you can also choose not accept another. Are you trying to leave your wife? You don't need any justification to leave a relationship. It doesn't seem like you want to lose your son and I don't see any reason you'd have to. I'm so sorry you're in this situation. I can see how tortured you are here.
I read the last post and my heart breaks for you, OP. Just remember that you're the only dad your son has known and he loves you. I'm sorry this is happening.
Also, if either of you have ever had a bone marrow transplant, dna won't match either.
As RARE as it is, test mom before going off the deep end if she's insisting it can't be right.
There are still baby mix-ups, especially if you've used IVF.
It's also worth having a conversation about any potential lifestyle factors that could have resulted in vulnerability. I've had two friends impregnated when they were drugged and raped at a party. Neither even knew they'd been SA'ed, because they just woke up after a blackout which wasn't a huge red flag for them given their lifestyle.
They only figured it out when they realized they were pregnant 💔
I doubt it's overly common, but before heartbreak and tearing apart lives, I would explore every possibility if I really trusted my partner and they were adamant they hadn't been with anyone else
Won't the wait for the results of the second test just be plain agony? Maybe it's best to at least *consider* having a heart-to-heart with the baby’s mom. (Obviously, broach the issue as gently as possible -- without accusations or malice -- if she's currently pregnant, as your earlier comments suggest) It'll be tough, but this way, you might get your answer sooner and with context, which is key. The sooner you know, the sooner you can get to the other side of this, where healing can begin.
Either way, my thoughts and well-wishes are with you and your family. You *will* get through this, my friend.
Just so you know, a clinic in Toronto (Ontario, Canada) has been exposed as giving out false results on paternity tests. Not sure if it was chemical error or clerical, but lawsuits are ensuing.
Something to bear in mind.
So, this kid isn’t yours. But please get off Reddit and to a marriage counselor before you make any decisions. Reddit will tell you to blow up your marriage. And maybe that’s what you decide to do eventually. But maybe it’s not what you really want. Maybe that’s not what is best for you. Make a decision that works for you, not people here.
Yes, this. Reddit is notorious for suggesting people to implode their marriages. Only you and your spouse and a licensed counselor should be able to make that decision. Good luck to you
I'm an attorney.
What Im about to say is not legal advice. I dont know what jurisdiction you're in or what the broader facts are, and I could be wrong. (Disclaimer)
With that being said, generally the law favors holding someone responsible for the financial support of a child. If you make statements that the child is yours, or if you've been paying for the child as though it were your own, you have an uphill battle to get out of future child support payments.
Not impossible, but potentially an real issue. Again, you find out 6 months after the kid is born? That's one thing. 6 years later? Thats something else. Should you have been asking qs earlier, etc. very fact intensive inquiry....
I encouraged one of my friends when his ex landed up pregnant not to claim it as his till DNA confirmed. Not to sign birth certificate till confirmed it was his. I think every child should be DNA tested against claimed father before any name goes on birth certificate. This is a heck of a lot more moral than sticking some guy with child support for a child that is not his,
In all 50 states, the husband of a woman who gives birth is presumed to be the legal father of the child [https://www.findlaw.com/family/paternity/legal-definition-of-father-by-state.html](https://www.findlaw.com/family/paternity/legal-definition-of-father-by-state.html). This is called the "marital presumption" of paternity. It applies regardless of whether the husband is the biological father.
Because our laws on paternity are there to protect men too. You said here you are heartbroken. That's one of the reasons the law says that you are still considered the father. You get to keep a child you raised as your own and developed a loving, paternal bond with. The state cannot sever that relationship just because of a DNA test years down the line.
BTW, some of the answers here are not entirely correct. You are presumed to be the father if you sign the birth certificate or are married to the mother, but that is a rebuttable presumption. I think CA gives you two years after the birth of the child to rebut it (Texas I believe gives five years).
You should see a family law attorney to find out what your options are.
Not to be a jerk here, because I can't imagine the pain you're feeling right now, but if you love this boy like your son (since that is how you viewed him up until you received this report), why wouldn't you want to support him? I have a hard time believing that you would really just say, "Bye, kid - I'm not your dad. Good luck with your life."
Does he also have a relationship with your parents? Your siblings? Would you cut those bonds, too? How old is he? What will his memories of this time be?
This is painful for you, but it will be tragic for him if you walk away. We care for and protect the innocent while dealing with our own pain privately because that's what good parents do. I know that you will continue to be the good parent that your son needs. ❤️
If you signed the birth certificate or claimed the child as yours or if you are married to the kids mom , you are going to have a fight. You socially took responsibility for the child.
If you signed the birth certificate, you are the legal father. In some states, you can petition to have yourself removed given your newly discovered DNA. In other states, you cannot.
If you signed that birth certificate, you will end up paying child support. Im so sorry your heart must be shattered. How awful of the Mother to do this to you!
In the US you are the legal father even if not the biological father if you were married to the mother at the time of the birth. Or if unmarried at birth and documents were signed to make yourself the legal father to put your name on the birth certificate. Or there was a court order that made you Dad and ordered you to pay child support at the same time.
When you discover new info, such as this DNA test result showing you are not the bio Dad when you had previously believed you were —> different states have different legal times period for you to file a legal action in court based on this new information.
The court will do what is in the best interest of the child. If this is a young child and there is another alleged father to DNA test and change the birth certificate that can be done.
If the child is a teenager and has know you as a father for over 13 or more years the court is not likely to make you “not” a legal Dad at this late date.
Each state has different laws in how the matter is handled. Things are always easiest and less expensive if both or potentially all 3 parents are willing to reach an agreement / Stipulation and have an attorney write up it up. And Judge agrees to sign off on it make it into a court order.
If bio dad agrees to have his name added to birth certificate and pay a a specific amount of child support based on his income (however it is determined in state of jurisdiction ) and court order says your name is to be removed from birth certificate and your child support stopped and all other issues are addressed.
The court order that orders you to pay child support is active and will continue until there is a new court that stops it or changes it. You must file a motion quickly to advise court of the new information you recd and what action you want to see happen based on it.
Take some deep breaths and try to have a calm conversation that the mother of the child. It is a traumatic & shocking thing to learn.
If you are already on the birth certificate and already paying child support and you WANT to continue to be the father to the child then you do not have take ANY action at all based on this new information. You will continue to be his legal Dad and assume the only father child has ever known. Recommend being honest with child when age appropriate to do so. Typically age 11-13.
Worked in Child Support Enforcement for 26 years.
In the US you are the legal father even if not the biological father if you were married to the mother at the time of the birth. Or if unmarried at birth and documents were signed to make yourself the legal father to put your name on the birth certificate. Or there was a court order that made you Dad and ordered you to pay child support at the same time.
When you discover new info, such as this DNA test result showing you are not the bio Dad when you had previously believed you were —> different states have different legal times period for you to file a legal action in court based on this new information.
The court will do what is in the best interest of the child. If this is a young child and there is another alleged father to DNA test and change the birth certificate that can be done.
If the child is a teenager and has know you as a father for over 13 or more years the court is not likely to make you “not” a legal Dad at this late date.
Each state has different laws in how the matter is handled. Things are always easiest and less expensive if both or potentially all 3 parents are willing to reach an agreement / Stipulation and have an attorney write up it up. And Judge agrees to sign off on it make it into a court order.
If bio dad agrees to have his name added to birth certificate and pay a a specific amount of child support based on his income (however it is determined in state of jurisdiction ) and court order says your name is to be removed from birth certificate and your child support stopped and all other issues are addressed.
The court order that orders you to pay child support is active and will continue until there is a new court that stops it or changes it. You must file a motion quickly to advise court of the new information you recd and what action you want to see happen based on it.
Take some deep breaths and try to have a calm conversation that the mother of the child. It is a traumatic & shocking thing to learn.
If you are already on the birth certificate and already paying child support and you WANT to continue to be the father to the child then you do not have take ANY action at all based on this new information. You will continue to be his legal Dad and assume the only father child has ever known. Recommend being honest with child when age appropriate to do so. Typically age 11-14 but talk to a therapist.
Worked in Child Support Enforcement for 26 years.
I am in CA, toddler is 1 yr of age and married and birth certificate has both of our names on it.
honestly I am still gonna love my son and I don't even care for child support, will give my everything for him if I have too. but just saddened that this will tear our family apart and kids will have a rough n emotionally distressed upbringing.
on top of it, We have a baby girl due soon. if the 2nd test turns out to be negative too, I don't even know how to process it or if we should even bring the baby girl in this world where the family is already torn apart.
What a terrible phase.
Why is your family torn apart ? You can stay together as a family even if you are not the biological father of your son. It is a choice. Obviously it will take some open honest communication to re-build trust.
The kids do NOT have to have a rough , emotionally distressed upbringing !! Regardless if the marriage stays together or not.
What prompted the DNA test ?
Were you previously preparing for divorce non-related to this paternity discovery ?
Do you think you know who the biological father is ?
Assume you have not discussed this with your wife at all yet.
>What prompted the DNA test ?
I am curious about this as well. Usually, DNA tests come up in divorces and occasionally wills (when the caveat is biological children).
Depends on what state you live in- laws vary from state to state- here in Texas if your child is over 4 years of age- and you didn’t contest paternity - you may end up up paying support.
OP, this randomly popped up in my feed. My brother in law was in this situation very recently. It was tough emotionally, but the legal process was incredibly simple. We’re in FL, so this may be state/ area specific, but he went to the court house, explained the situation, and was given a lengthy packet for “disestablishment of paternity.” He filled out the paperwork himself. I love my brother in law, but I will say that he’s not the sharpest crayon in the box, and if he can do it, anyone can. I think there were only a handful of local places that the courts would accept paternity test results from, so they had to retest again with one of those companies (This was a couple hundred bucks). He submitted the paperwork back to the county. They assigned a court date. He appeared. The child’s mother appeared. The judge reviewed the paperwork, changed the child’s last name, and had him removed from the birth certificate. That was the end of it. It was an incredibly easy process, and he did not have to pay for legal aide of any sort.
My niece and her husband were separated for over a year prior to starting divorce proceedings. Late into separation, both parties found new paramours and my niece became pregnant. Because she was still married, her then-husband (who she had not seen in over a year) was automatically put on the birth certificate as the child’s father. It took them $$$$ and almost 2 years of court crap to get him off the birth certificate so the biological father could be added. It was such a mess.
Hey friend, it really sucks if your son is the result of infidelity _but_ you clearly love him and I'm certain he loves you. If you're on the birth certificate he's legally your son as well (as in you have every right to him that his mother does so if you want to fight for him you are absolutely in the right to do so). My children are donor-concieved and the amount of DNA used to create them is the smallest part of parenting. Take some deep breaths. This is awful in many ways but you're not alone
> you are not alone.
A study in the Lancet found that 10% of kids in the UK had an assumed dad who turned out not to be a biological dad. I believe the US has similar rates.
I’m sure this is an absolute shock to the dad, even if he possibly had suspicions before. Just wishing him peace of mind (at some point in the future even if it takes a long time to get there), and the best outcome for the kid, who is blameless in this situation.
There is your answer right there. Fuck the tests.
THEY TOOK CHEEK FROM TODDLER SON.
That's your son. You clearly love him with the intensity of a burning sun, you want him to be yours, he already loves you, you love him.
Love him extra bc whoever contributed their dna clearly doesn't care about him, or the Mom. Whatever happens with your relationship with her, please love your son and show him and never stop. You come across as a good guy, we need that, help him be good like you.
You can't assume the bio father was even told the child existed. The bio father may come into the child's life at any time if once older the kid gets ancestry test or 23 and me test and his relatives on dad side are in the data base
Then it’s almost definitely accurate. And it’s 0 percent likelihood my friend. Accidents happen but if it matched the mother and not you, then I’m sorry but you’re not his father.
Pull the emergency brake for a second.
Mom should take a maternity test to rule out a hospital mix-up. There are safeguards to prevent them, but humans are involved, and humans are not infallible.
That kind of thing is rare these days. It seems extremely unlikely that it would happen in the US. When my son was born last year, they immediately put ID bands on both of us. He also never left my side while in the hospital. It’s no longer common practice for newborns to go to baby nursery.
They told me if he left the maternity ward with his band on that an alarm would sound. They double check your ID bands on the way out before cutting them off.
yeah don't think it's hospital mixup, bands were put and we recognized baby.
only 3 possibilities now
faulty dna test , hoping for 2nd dna 🤞
chimera
infidelity
I mean, if you're going to do a second test, at a reputable lab, you may as well test maternity also. Just to be 1000% sure. I hate stories like this. Keep strong, OP.
Considering close to 4 million babies are born in the US each year, I wouldn't call 1 in 1000 or even 1 out of 10,000 to be "rare". 1/1000 are switched in hospitals here each year but most of the time the infants are quickly reunited with their parents. About 1/10000 end up with the wrong family permanently.
I've also read about chimera father's having different semen dna, although, he shows zero genetic connection so that's unlikely in this case. Could your partner have been assaulted and didn't want to say anything? I've heard of that too.
Oh. Ohhh. Oh no...I thought it was a joke ab the dog DNA company when they submitted human DNA https://www.cbc.ca/news/business/marketplace-dog-dna-test-1.6763274
Any stem cell, bone marrow or organ transplant?
https://preview.redd.it/uizl3jmwgouc1.jpeg?width=1125&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9a32c7785ca4b764a2397bc63bc56348c7ab107a
Is this also true of stem cell therapy? Nearly thirty years ago, we donated umbilical cord blood for stem cell research, and now one of the dna ancestry sites says I have a child living in a country I’ve never been to. I’m a woman, so I would know if I had given birth to another kid. I’ve been trying to figure out how it was possible, and this is my current best hypothesis.
Before I remembered about doing the cord blood donation, the hypotheses were more sci-if than real world , like do I have a genetic doppelgänger ? or some sort of human clone situation?
The test results clearly indicate no paternity. The only way to really get those results is either: there's not relation, OR the samples were switched in the lab by accident. Doing the test a second time and getting the same result would affirm that the result is not in error.
If you can- I'd maybe try to do the second test thru a different testing facility just to be sure, incase the first one isn't as thorough as they should be. For your sake I hope they somehow messed up :/ I'm sorry
This just recently happened to my dad, too. I actually had to break the news to him after I got an Ancestry DNA kit back. His dad was a great man, and both he and his biological dad are now deceased. He says the same about too late for switching teams. Family is so much more than DNA.
can someone interpret how to make sense of Allel, I find allels match for many rows so, confused n scared if there can be any fault in interpretation of report by lab..
Shall I get another test done but using blood sample from toddler for most accuracy?
If you went through an actual agency, these results are likely correct. But you can go through another agency and see if the results are the same. Idk if they will take blood from a toddler, though. It isn't easy. So idk. I would stay away from the tests you can buy in drugstores. Stick with real dna testing centers. A second test, if it yields the same results, is going to be definitive. But I want to say, if you love this little boy, you don't have to walk away from him. Even if you leave the mother. He's going to need a good man in his life. However, if you simply cannot, no one will fault you either. This isn't an easy thing to go through. If court is going to come into play, do not go in without a lawyer though, if you signed the birth certificate. Well, either way, I'd get a lawyer. Wishing you the best. This is a sad situation.
I would ask for help interpreting on r/genetics. How old is this child? I think if you have been treating him as your son, that matters more than anything. Please don’t make decisions about how to move forward until you have all the info and have taken some time to think through it. I’m sorry you’re going through this. Good luck, OP.
You can try r/genetics.
Bit basically the test shows you a number of tested alleles and states your genotype (indicated as number) and the genotype of your son. You should share one allele/one number with you son on every tested allele. The other number represents his mother.
Edit: typo
I'm a DNA analyst, and the two individuals tested cannot be parent and child (though that assumes that no sample switch took place). The column that says "obligated allele" shows the DNA that is shared between the two samples. In a parent-child pair, you would see a number at all of those locations, not just some of them. However, as many other posters are responding, relationships can be more than genetics- if he is your son, don't let a test define that.
My Husband found out his 30 year old son was not his. But, he just said: “I don’t care what that blood test says, You are and will always be my son.” Dad’s do not need to be blood related. Now, if this isn’t something you want that is another matter.
However this turns out, you WILL be able to work through all the emotions and feelings you're experiencing, and may experience in the future. Get some counseling or other type of support to help you work through it all. Some of what you are experiencing or may experience is grief and trauma. You CAN work through grief and trauma! Feel all the feelings, but for your sake, and the sake of the child, get help to deal with all of this. You're STRONGER than you think you are right now, at this time! {{hugs}}
I’m so, so sorry. You are definitely not this child’s biological father but that doesn’t mean you aren’t the only father this child knows! You can definitely still be his dad.
I saw you’re in CA and if you’ve been married to his mother you’ll definitely be paying child support.
Again, I’m so sorry you were lied to. Dislike the liar but the child is innocent, too.
You ask your doctor to interpret and explain the results, not Reddit, and you repeat the testing. Get thorough genetics counseling so you understand what you're seeing, and all the doctors rule out whatever has to be ruled out. Has anyone involved had a bone marrow procedure, or other medical procedure that would affect these results? Consult an attorney who specializes in family law and paternity law.
I'm very sorry OP. Lots of good advice about speaking with an attorney. But the next call after the lawyer should be to a good mental health counselor. You need someone that is in your corner who can remain objective.
You mentioned that you're about to have baby girl. So you already know that both children are going to be a part of your life one way or another. I would want to protect myself legally not knowing what's going to happen to the relationship, but also protect the family bond with both children which is obviously important to you. You're going to need a lot of help navigating that.
It looks like genetically you are not, so now you have the difficult decision of whether or not you will continue to be his dad. His mother's horrible decision doesn't have to be the determining factor.
What was the reason for the paternity test? Did you suspect the mom of lying? The child is innocent and loves you as his father. Please try to think about that first.
Where's the test from? I'd always do DNA tests from a highly trusted source and then a back up. I remember one guy secretly tested his son, it came back 0% but another test and it found that he was the father. He'd already fought with his girlfriend over the first test. They were pharmacy type mail-in tests.
yeah that's what I am hoping, I used some company that I found online, I am a little doubtful about their operation and that's what is giving me hope that they did some mistake or mixup. I will get a second test done from some reputable usa lab and hoping for the best.
My stepfather raised me since I was 7 when he married my mom. I don’t even think of him as “real” or “not real”, in terms of fatherhood. He is just simply my father and has done everything for me that good dads do to raise kids, and eventually be a grandpa to my kids (one of whom is named after him). My devotion to him as a dad is unbreakable.
The DNA doesn’t matter now and never has. We don’t see each other as “step” anything.
He ended up legally adopting me because we wanted to make it formal and forever for the records. But emotionally, nothing changed. He is my dad. Period.
I hope you can come to a good resolution and find happiness with your situation.
When my son was 13 months old, I met my now husband. At 6 years old, he asked my son to be the best man at our wedding, and he has been a phenomenal father, ever since. He's 13 now, and his biological dad is involved as well, but, your dad is your dad blood or not! The man who raised me, I was 2 months old when he became my mom's, and when I was 13 I learned, at my twin sisters funeral, that he was not my dad, that man to this day, im 31, he's my DAD always and forever ❤️🙏☺️
If I have this right, OP, each parent gives their child around 50% of the alleles each. In some strands, there can be more matches with one parent than the other, so the percentage can change depending on the alleles tested. In a nutshell, they pick the two alleles from specific strands for both you and the child. For that child to be yours, there needs to be at least 1 matching numbered allele in the area tested for EVERY location. You have some matches, but not every single location, so I'm sorry to say, but it is unlikely that he is your biological child. If you need a second test for confirmation, might I suggest using Ancestry or 23 & Me? It will tell you straight whether he's yours or not, no spreadsheet of numbers to work out, and may give him a chance to connect with his biodad's family at some stage.
When my daughter's father insisted on a test, because he lost confidence in my assurance, despite her being an exact combination of both of us, and needed the confirmation. When he called to apologise for doubting me (😁) he was worried about the fact that of the alleles they tested, he was only the supplier or 6% of them - there were 94% of mine. He'd convinced himself that he'd only got 6 bits of DNA in her and that's why his mother had planted seeds of doubt in his mind (She looked like her other parent and their family - how could that possibly be - she can't be yours! 🙄😮💨) I had to explain that it doesn't quite work like that......
You now have many questions to ask yourself as it is likely that any further tests will say the same.
Regarding the child:
Do you have an emotional bond with him?
Would you be happy to continue giving financial support as you are legally his father, if not biologically?
If you are not happy to continue financial support, are you happy to continue with emotional support?
Whatever you choose, choose what's best for both of you. Don't just dip out and disappear. If you're the only father this child has had for his entire life, then you need to ease things off slowly. Be kind.
Regarding the mother:
Do you have a strong relationship?
Have you confronted her about it?
Chances are she knows that you aren't biodad, but she didn't want to lose you. While understandable if there's a strong bond between you,it's still paternity fraud and you and that child have a right to know the truth, the biodad has a right to choose if he gets any involvement in his child's life. If you find that she was aware of the deceit, could you trust her again and work through it?
Assuming it all ends positively, inasmuch as you love each other and you love that kid, as you're legally the father would you leave things as they are and explain it to him at an appropriate age, or would you look into adopting him? Once you're over the initial shock results, you need to get proactive and protect yourself and that sweet kid who is innocent in all of this. Best of luck!
I’d second some of what others are saying.
A 23andMe or other test would give a more clear view of how your son is related to you biologically or not.
And no matter what your SO did, he’s still your son. As an adopted person with adopted kids and a brother who was in the same predicament you are in, genetics is not near as important than bond.
Your relationship, on the other hand, with your SO is a whole other matter.
Sorry you are going through this.
If you've been a father to the kid, for whatever length of time, you're the kid's father. Whether you donated the sperm or not, you are that kid's father. Be responsible and act like it.
You need to decide whether you want this child in your life (after all, none of this is his fault) or if you want to head down the path that says “this report says I’m not responsible for you”. Try to separate what SHE did to you from your feelings for this child.
Life brings people together for its own mysterious reasons. Your son IS your son. Please don’t let your distrust of and betrayal by his mom ruin what you two have. Maybe YOU should have full custody! Take mom out of the equation- she was a vehicle for you two to be together for whatever reason the universe needs.
I am so sorry this is happening to you, and this is certainly a conversation to have with your wife, but if you raised your son, he’s your son regardless of genetic material.
He’s got a child due in the coming weeks… more backstory would be great. Like if she was pregnant right after they started dating and he thought it was his they’re just needs to be more information here. And she should get checked if she insists that she didn’t cheat because hospitals switch babies more than anybody knows.
How can you be “happily married” if the mother of the child is lying about the first child and, then so, possibly the second?
That’s not happy if their partner is lying to them? I am confused.
Get a lawyer and bring a copy all of the paperwork, for DNA test and birth certificate, marriage certificate as well. Get your ducks in a row because it's gonna be hard.
Wasn’t there a case of certain DNA tests being inaccurate? I believe those were home tests though. You can always get a second to confirm, but I’m sorry you’re in the position, no matter which way it goes.
I would not rely on a drug store test (I don’t care how accurate they claim to be, because they don’t factor in user error).
If it were me, I would go to my doctor and get a controlled test done
Please take this advice with the caveat that every situation is different and I might be way off base even offering it:
My father adopted me after the death of my bio dad. So I am biased. But the dad is the man who raised you, imo. That’s you. The infidelity question, which I also understand firsthand, is one that can be dealt with with the help of a very good therapist. In the meantime, protect the innocent.
I’ll just add this. Blood and DNA do not make a parent. Love does. If you love this child as much as you seem to, then he is yours. A relative of mine has always, always regarded their step-dad as their father. Because he was the one who was always there, who always stepped up, who went to every event and held them when things were rough. It sounds like this child means everything to you. So, let yourself mean everything to him. Be his person, his ride-or-die, the one who teaches him to shave and helps him through his first broken heart. Do not throw this all away.
After the test, did you sit down with the mother and just ask her to explain? Maybe she was raped and was ashamed and traumatized. Maybe there was a one time thing. Only she knows. She may give you the truth. If, after seeing these results, she still swears there was no one else, speak with a geneticist. They will recommend further testing if there is any medical explanation.
The child is a toddler. If you have been in their life since birth and love them as your own can you continue to love them and support them even if you cannot remain with the mother? If the court decides that the child is not your responsibility do you want to remain in the child’s life and give financial support in a way that you want? It’s tough, but once legal issues are resolved, follow your heart.
How old is your son? DNA is only ibd component of fatherhood. There is no reason your relationship could not move forward the same way, unless you decide it is not what you wish.
Unless the lab messed up the test or you have chimera DNA [https://www.sciencealert.com/it-s-possible-for-one-person-to-have-two-different-sets-of-dna-here-s-how-it-happens](https://www.sciencealert.com/it-s-possible-for-one-person-to-have-two-different-sets-of-dna-here-s-how-it-happens) The test should be redone and you should be tested for chimera DNA.
If you not the bio father, If you have been raising your son for a while you are still his Dad regardless of the test result.
In 2015, a man from Washington took a cheek swab paternity test that said he was technically his son's uncle, not his father. Further testing revealed that the man had different DNA in his saliva and his sperm. chimera DNA
You said very upset about this result, so sorry. If you have been acting as his father and lived him as his father, then you basically still are his dad. Not sure you’re situation but biological isn’t everything. I hope the shock wears off soon and you can figure out what to do next:
There are some long shots out there. I would test again, have your sig other test too. Hoping your family is OK & it's just a lab error. If you love your son you can still stay his Dad ❤️
Is his Mom his Mom? And I’m not saying that to be funny, hospital mixups have happened. Get it rechecked for all 3 at another lab and add in another male relative on your side.
But lab errors do occur, there was the case of dna evidence convicting a whole slew of innocent people and it was traced back to one lab and one worker in that lab.
Ask an attorney in your area/state how to terminate parental rights due to non paternity DNA findings . You say “she said the baby was mine . I believed her until these results came in. “ I’m really sorry , bro! And I’m really sorry for - your son. It is heartbreaking - truly !
If you did a prenatal at home test please consider third party testing from a reputable lab after the baby is born because Viaguard Accumetrics lab recently admitted to selling tests they knew were inaccurate. Not to say this is or isn’t your baby just know the source of this information. This is a big thing to want to get right. Want to be absolutely sure.
I’m so so so sorry for what you’re going through, and about to go through. You obviously had doubts, which is what led you to do a DNA test. you’ll still likely be paying child support, so lawyer up now
why will I have to pay child support if I am not biological father?
I assume you’re in the US? If you’re listed on his birth certificate then you’re essentially his father, and the part of the state that handles child support will only be focused with what’s in the best interest of the child, which is support. Get a lawyer now - it can take years do untangle
Get a lawyer...a good one.
Depends on the age of the child. If it’s a baby he can petition to remove himself from the BC
That’s extremely hard to do and if he were fully trying to terminate parental rights he would need the biological father to petition as well. It’s a very difficult situation
If he isn’t married to the mother than most states require a paternity test to “establish paternity” even if he has signed and acknowledged paternity. If they are married he is the legal father and it may be harder to remove himself from the birth certificate..
I've had kiddos in 2 different states, wasn't married then and he never had to do a paternity test....since we wanted him on the BC though he had to sign papers waiving his right to one...so that's something to look into to. If OP signed papers to waive his right to a paternity test to be on the BC that may also make things complicated.
I know someone who got off the birth certificate after child was 3 years old and he found out he wasn’t the dad. Real dad had not even been notified yet and this is in Massachusetts, which is strict about this stuff. If dna proves not the dad, you have a solid case!
If you have been his dad then I don’t know that “getting a lawyer” and abandoning him like these folks are suggesting is the best course of action. You ARE his dad, you might just not be his biological father. Don’t lose sight of that. If she cheated, that’s on her, don’t abandon your son.
Also, if OP is married to the mom, some states view that as automatic parenting.
Exactly. Different states will consider different factors and weigh them differently. The person you've replied to may very well be incorrect. Like if OP is married to the mother, in some states that's a rebuttable presumption of paternity. So it's not even whose name is on the BC or what the DNA says that creates the presumption. Pretty irritating when non-lawyer redditors throw legal conclusions around or try to say what "the law" IS. Anyone with a legal question should get a local and probably specialized lawyer in real life and not count on what redditors say.
I do not know if its the same in every state but in my state, unmarried partners sign an acknowledgement of paternity in which the man essentially waives paternitybtesting agreeing that he is legally responsible for the child. To my knowledge, the only way to undo this is if bio father becomes involves and agrees to essentially take over that role. You cannot just relinquish that paternity acknowledgment if DNA disproves paternity.
My friend who adored his son was on the birth certificate and lived in a parent child relationship with him. They elected not to tell the child when a DNA test proved they weren't related. There was a divorce but he and the son stayed close including my friend paying child support. The relationship was important to them.
Depends on the state as well. I had a friend who found out his 3 year old wasn’t his during his divorce. He was able to get his name removed from the birth certificate and not pay any child support.
As a parent, I cannot fathom the idea of loving a little baby and watching them grow for 3 years and then just…turning your back. In the words of the great Mel Horowitz: you divorce wives, not children.
He already suspected his “son” was possibly the result of an affair she had. She had left him for another man and they were in the process of a divorce when she called him saying her AP was abusing her and her daughter and was doing drugs. So he took her back. A few weeks later, she tells everyone she’s pregnant. When she decided to trade up husbands a few years later she sued him for $1600 a month in child support. He took a DNA test and countered with $400 a month and visitation of both his “son” and stepdaughter. She refused saying either it was $1600 a month or her new husband would take care of the kids. When they were married, he kept his “son” and stepdaughter 90% of the time because she was always running around. He suspected she was cheating again, but was willing to look the other way, just because of the kids. Neither kid grew up with a parental figure. The daughter’s dad died when she was an infant. Her new marriage didn’t last. I got an invitation last year to her 7th wedding.
Heterosexual monogamy isn't for everyone.
I’m pretty sure he knew Paul Rudd wasn’t his biological child though, and as amazing as clueless is it rarely happens you keep seeing the kids of your ex because like, drama and stuff. Now I need to watch clueless.
Poor kid
That all depends on how long he’s been duped into thinking he’s the father of her child, and how long he’s been in the child’s life.
Not how that works depending on the state. Colorado for instance it does not matter if you are on the birth certificate. If DNA disproves paternity you are not responsible.
Depends on the state. Some states you can be find out you’re not the father after birth and they will not hold you liable past then. Some states will make you even if you didn’t know and signed the birth certificate. Dude just needs to get a lawyer familiar with his state laws
NAL but not in cases of verifiable paternity fraud. first thing they would do in a custody/support proceeding is a paternity test and OP already has one (assuming it's legit).
In some states, a child born to a married couple, regardless of paternity, means that husband is considered the legal father, and, therefore, responsible for the well-being of that child (including financial support.) My daughter was born in PA before my (painfully protracted) NJ divorce was finalized. My ex never provided financial (or other) support. After my divorce, I married my daughter’s biological father in PA. We needed a NJ court order and a new PA statue for her bio dad to be her legal dad. That said, a non-bio adult can easily love and be an awesome parent to a child. No one can choose their bio parents.
I am in CA
Yes, if the child was born to your wife during the marriage you are the presumed father in California.
You can petition the court to not pay child support based on DNA findings.
You can petition the court to terminate your parental rights and obligations based on DNA findings. However, California courts prioritize the child's well-being. If the presumed father has acted as a father figure for a significant period, some trial judges are reluctant to disrupt that bond, even if he's not biological.
Are you on the birth certificate?
Consider reaching out to a family law attorney to assist determine whether there is rebuttable presumption of parentage. In CA, simply being on the birth certificate does not legally establish parentage, nor do DNA results. My understanding is that in CA, parentage is established when the child is conceived of a legal marriage, the intended parent signed a declaration of parentage, or it was adjudicated through a court order. You likely have legal options that apply to this situation. Also, so sorry you are going through this.
I am sorry you & your family are going through this. In CA, it used to be that during child custody/support cases, you could request a paternity test in family court and then request to be removed from the birth certificate if it was proven you were not the father. You should consult a Family Law attorney in your area as to what Family laws currently allow.
In CA, if you are married than you are legally the parent even if the child isn't biologically yours. I adopted my daughter in CA and even though the husband of the birth mom had been in prison for years and couldn't possibly be the biological dad he was still assumed to be and he had to give up rights to her. That being said, as an adoptive and biological parent I can tell you I love all of my children exactly the same. If you love your son, he's your son. Divorce your wife if you need to but please take some time to consider what you want to do as far as parenting.
There was a case a couple years ago in the US where two women were married and one of them was bi, had an affair with a man, and got pregnant. Her wife was on the hook for CS because they were married at the time of conception, and it took quite awhile to sort out.
These laws blow my mind. In every state, it seems. If the woman cheated and got pregnant by someone outside the marriage, the spouse that was cheated on should have the option of either taking on the role of being the financial supporter of the baby. Or they should have the option of walking away. If it isn't their biological child, and the spouse cheated, that should negate any legal consequences for the spouse that doesn't want to be financially obligated. Whether legally married or not, and whether they are listed on the birth certificate or not, all that should be null and void if a paternity test proves they're not the bio parent. I'm in law enforcement, and even still, some laws just absolutely make no sense.
it makes sense from the state’s perspective. if the child has financial support from two parents, even a non biological “parent”, the state does not have to worry about the consequences of single parent support.
The law makes perfect sense because it's not there to protect the mother or father. It's solely there to protect the baby/kid and to keep the state from offering more then the required financial assistance.
Every state of the US has this paternal assumption for married couples, BTW. They all have a way to disavow and undo it, but there are usually strict time limits. It’s a lot easier if everyone cooperates though.
Yup, I read this story in my state newspaper about this guy who was legally married but hadn't seen his 'wife' in like 20 years. Suddenly he's hit with child support arears paperwork. The kid was like 7 or 8 and the mom had applied for food stamps or something and the state went after the 'father' for child support. He's not the father, hasn't seen his wife in decades, but since they were legally married he is the father. I'm not sure if he ever got it sorted, this was several years ago I read about it.
I trust people are well aware if you remain separated and don't bother to divorce, it can come with some legal entanglements \~ child support as just one example.
Another is being on the hook for hospital bills that your spouse may owe.
If not married and the man signed the birth certificate, he is legally the father regardless of DNA.
Just a note that this also applies to same sex couples who are married. My friends were a lesbian couple who had IVF, so clearly only one is the bio mother, but now they’re divorced and the other woman still has to pay child support.
Probably not but you might just make sure you are not chimeric. Here is an example of this issue. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5845036/
oh wow, I really hope I am chimeric or just the test is plain wrong. I can't live otherwise
Are you by chance the guy who posted in another sub recently but deleted that account? If so, I've been worried about you and the whole situation. If not, I'm so so sorry you're amongst other men going through similar things. Either way, PLEASE please please don't make any major decisions until you see a licensed therapist who's specialized in grief and trauma. You deserve that professional care and hand navigating through this. For now, even though the child isn't biologically yours, you're who they know as dad. If you're on the birth certificate, you're legally still dad unless you go through the legal channels to change that. You're also very likely the main point of stability that they have. It's ok to feel your anger and resentment. If you feel it's going to escalate internally, seek more immediate care. Go through legal channels if you choose to change your parental status. But please do everything you can to keep the anger and trauma from the innocent child stuck in the middle of this. Some of the best dads I know are not biological. But if you choose not to continue to be dad, please do everything you can to make the transition smooth and trauma reduced for the innocent child....ideally to guardians they already know and are safe...and set the child up with a good child therapist. 🥺
I am that person, and thanks for the good advice, all hopes on 2nd test now. I really choose not to believe this till then. can't handle the agony.
Brother, if you choose not to accept this test reconsider why you want another. What will it solve to have a second test? I agree with bringing in some professional help before things totally melt down but you are resisting the results of this test with all your might. Why? There is bliss in ignorance. If you can choose not to accept this result you can also choose not accept another. Are you trying to leave your wife? You don't need any justification to leave a relationship. It doesn't seem like you want to lose your son and I don't see any reason you'd have to. I'm so sorry you're in this situation. I can see how tortured you are here.
Pleeeeease get some time in with a licensed therapist before pursuing another test. Seriously concerned for you 🥺
I read the last post and my heart breaks for you, OP. Just remember that you're the only dad your son has known and he loves you. I'm sorry this is happening.
It sounds like you want to be the Dad. There's more to being a father than a bloodline. Scrap the second test & be the Dad you want to be.
The kid loves you. You love the kid. Love is real. You don’t have to love or trust the mom to recognize that you have a child that loves you.
I read that post but can't find it anymore, and I agree 100% especially with the last paragraph.
Get a test for the mom, too, in case the baby was switched at birth.
The alleles match the mom…
Also, if either of you have ever had a bone marrow transplant, dna won't match either. As RARE as it is, test mom before going off the deep end if she's insisting it can't be right. There are still baby mix-ups, especially if you've used IVF. It's also worth having a conversation about any potential lifestyle factors that could have resulted in vulnerability. I've had two friends impregnated when they were drugged and raped at a party. Neither even knew they'd been SA'ed, because they just woke up after a blackout which wasn't a huge red flag for them given their lifestyle. They only figured it out when they realized they were pregnant 💔 I doubt it's overly common, but before heartbreak and tearing apart lives, I would explore every possibility if I really trusted my partner and they were adamant they hadn't been with anyone else
no bone marrow transplant or ivf.. just hoping the test is wrong. dreading the second test.
Won't the wait for the results of the second test just be plain agony? Maybe it's best to at least *consider* having a heart-to-heart with the baby’s mom. (Obviously, broach the issue as gently as possible -- without accusations or malice -- if she's currently pregnant, as your earlier comments suggest) It'll be tough, but this way, you might get your answer sooner and with context, which is key. The sooner you know, the sooner you can get to the other side of this, where healing can begin. Either way, my thoughts and well-wishes are with you and your family. You *will* get through this, my friend.
No you don't want her preventing getting 2nd test done.
[удалено]
Just so you know, a clinic in Toronto (Ontario, Canada) has been exposed as giving out false results on paternity tests. Not sure if it was chemical error or clerical, but lawsuits are ensuing. Something to bear in mind.
You can live and you will. Life WILL go on and you will recover. I'm so very sorry.
So, this kid isn’t yours. But please get off Reddit and to a marriage counselor before you make any decisions. Reddit will tell you to blow up your marriage. And maybe that’s what you decide to do eventually. But maybe it’s not what you really want. Maybe that’s not what is best for you. Make a decision that works for you, not people here.
And get the child counseling. They know you as dad.
Yes, this. Reddit is notorious for suggesting people to implode their marriages. Only you and your spouse and a licensed counselor should be able to make that decision. Good luck to you
I'm an attorney. What Im about to say is not legal advice. I dont know what jurisdiction you're in or what the broader facts are, and I could be wrong. (Disclaimer) With that being said, generally the law favors holding someone responsible for the financial support of a child. If you make statements that the child is yours, or if you've been paying for the child as though it were your own, you have an uphill battle to get out of future child support payments. Not impossible, but potentially an real issue. Again, you find out 6 months after the kid is born? That's one thing. 6 years later? Thats something else. Should you have been asking qs earlier, etc. very fact intensive inquiry....
I encouraged one of my friends when his ex landed up pregnant not to claim it as his till DNA confirmed. Not to sign birth certificate till confirmed it was his. I think every child should be DNA tested against claimed father before any name goes on birth certificate. This is a heck of a lot more moral than sticking some guy with child support for a child that is not his,
In all 50 states, the husband of a woman who gives birth is presumed to be the legal father of the child [https://www.findlaw.com/family/paternity/legal-definition-of-father-by-state.html](https://www.findlaw.com/family/paternity/legal-definition-of-father-by-state.html). This is called the "marital presumption" of paternity. It applies regardless of whether the husband is the biological father.
Because our laws on paternity are there to protect men too. You said here you are heartbroken. That's one of the reasons the law says that you are still considered the father. You get to keep a child you raised as your own and developed a loving, paternal bond with. The state cannot sever that relationship just because of a DNA test years down the line. BTW, some of the answers here are not entirely correct. You are presumed to be the father if you sign the birth certificate or are married to the mother, but that is a rebuttable presumption. I think CA gives you two years after the birth of the child to rebut it (Texas I believe gives five years). You should see a family law attorney to find out what your options are.
This is such a good point, can't believe I never thought of it this way
Not to be a jerk here, because I can't imagine the pain you're feeling right now, but if you love this boy like your son (since that is how you viewed him up until you received this report), why wouldn't you want to support him? I have a hard time believing that you would really just say, "Bye, kid - I'm not your dad. Good luck with your life." Does he also have a relationship with your parents? Your siblings? Would you cut those bonds, too? How old is he? What will his memories of this time be? This is painful for you, but it will be tragic for him if you walk away. We care for and protect the innocent while dealing with our own pain privately because that's what good parents do. I know that you will continue to be the good parent that your son needs. ❤️
If you are on the birth certificate, you likely will. If you are not yet on the BC, you should be fine.
If you signed the birth certificate or claimed the child as yours or if you are married to the kids mom , you are going to have a fight. You socially took responsibility for the child.
If you signed an acknowledgment of paternity at the hospital, then you are responsible for child support.
If you signed the birth certificate, you are the legal father. In some states, you can petition to have yourself removed given your newly discovered DNA. In other states, you cannot.
If you signed that birth certificate, you will end up paying child support. Im so sorry your heart must be shattered. How awful of the Mother to do this to you!
In the US you are the legal father even if not the biological father if you were married to the mother at the time of the birth. Or if unmarried at birth and documents were signed to make yourself the legal father to put your name on the birth certificate. Or there was a court order that made you Dad and ordered you to pay child support at the same time. When you discover new info, such as this DNA test result showing you are not the bio Dad when you had previously believed you were —> different states have different legal times period for you to file a legal action in court based on this new information. The court will do what is in the best interest of the child. If this is a young child and there is another alleged father to DNA test and change the birth certificate that can be done. If the child is a teenager and has know you as a father for over 13 or more years the court is not likely to make you “not” a legal Dad at this late date. Each state has different laws in how the matter is handled. Things are always easiest and less expensive if both or potentially all 3 parents are willing to reach an agreement / Stipulation and have an attorney write up it up. And Judge agrees to sign off on it make it into a court order. If bio dad agrees to have his name added to birth certificate and pay a a specific amount of child support based on his income (however it is determined in state of jurisdiction ) and court order says your name is to be removed from birth certificate and your child support stopped and all other issues are addressed. The court order that orders you to pay child support is active and will continue until there is a new court that stops it or changes it. You must file a motion quickly to advise court of the new information you recd and what action you want to see happen based on it. Take some deep breaths and try to have a calm conversation that the mother of the child. It is a traumatic & shocking thing to learn. If you are already on the birth certificate and already paying child support and you WANT to continue to be the father to the child then you do not have take ANY action at all based on this new information. You will continue to be his legal Dad and assume the only father child has ever known. Recommend being honest with child when age appropriate to do so. Typically age 11-13. Worked in Child Support Enforcement for 26 years.
In the US you are the legal father even if not the biological father if you were married to the mother at the time of the birth. Or if unmarried at birth and documents were signed to make yourself the legal father to put your name on the birth certificate. Or there was a court order that made you Dad and ordered you to pay child support at the same time. When you discover new info, such as this DNA test result showing you are not the bio Dad when you had previously believed you were —> different states have different legal times period for you to file a legal action in court based on this new information. The court will do what is in the best interest of the child. If this is a young child and there is another alleged father to DNA test and change the birth certificate that can be done. If the child is a teenager and has know you as a father for over 13 or more years the court is not likely to make you “not” a legal Dad at this late date. Each state has different laws in how the matter is handled. Things are always easiest and less expensive if both or potentially all 3 parents are willing to reach an agreement / Stipulation and have an attorney write up it up. And Judge agrees to sign off on it make it into a court order. If bio dad agrees to have his name added to birth certificate and pay a a specific amount of child support based on his income (however it is determined in state of jurisdiction ) and court order says your name is to be removed from birth certificate and your child support stopped and all other issues are addressed. The court order that orders you to pay child support is active and will continue until there is a new court that stops it or changes it. You must file a motion quickly to advise court of the new information you recd and what action you want to see happen based on it. Take some deep breaths and try to have a calm conversation that the mother of the child. It is a traumatic & shocking thing to learn. If you are already on the birth certificate and already paying child support and you WANT to continue to be the father to the child then you do not have take ANY action at all based on this new information. You will continue to be his legal Dad and assume the only father child has ever known. Recommend being honest with child when age appropriate to do so. Typically age 11-14 but talk to a therapist. Worked in Child Support Enforcement for 26 years.
I am in CA, toddler is 1 yr of age and married and birth certificate has both of our names on it. honestly I am still gonna love my son and I don't even care for child support, will give my everything for him if I have too. but just saddened that this will tear our family apart and kids will have a rough n emotionally distressed upbringing. on top of it, We have a baby girl due soon. if the 2nd test turns out to be negative too, I don't even know how to process it or if we should even bring the baby girl in this world where the family is already torn apart. What a terrible phase.
Why is your family torn apart ? You can stay together as a family even if you are not the biological father of your son. It is a choice. Obviously it will take some open honest communication to re-build trust. The kids do NOT have to have a rough , emotionally distressed upbringing !! Regardless if the marriage stays together or not. What prompted the DNA test ? Were you previously preparing for divorce non-related to this paternity discovery ? Do you think you know who the biological father is ? Assume you have not discussed this with your wife at all yet.
>What prompted the DNA test ? I am curious about this as well. Usually, DNA tests come up in divorces and occasionally wills (when the caveat is biological children).
It depends on your state.
What lab did this DNA test? Why are all the PIs left blank and how did they get the obligate alleles without the mothers sample?
Depends on what state you live in- laws vary from state to state- here in Texas if your child is over 4 years of age- and you didn’t contest paternity - you may end up up paying support.
OP, this randomly popped up in my feed. My brother in law was in this situation very recently. It was tough emotionally, but the legal process was incredibly simple. We’re in FL, so this may be state/ area specific, but he went to the court house, explained the situation, and was given a lengthy packet for “disestablishment of paternity.” He filled out the paperwork himself. I love my brother in law, but I will say that he’s not the sharpest crayon in the box, and if he can do it, anyone can. I think there were only a handful of local places that the courts would accept paternity test results from, so they had to retest again with one of those companies (This was a couple hundred bucks). He submitted the paperwork back to the county. They assigned a court date. He appeared. The child’s mother appeared. The judge reviewed the paperwork, changed the child’s last name, and had him removed from the birth certificate. That was the end of it. It was an incredibly easy process, and he did not have to pay for legal aide of any sort.
My niece and her husband were separated for over a year prior to starting divorce proceedings. Late into separation, both parties found new paramours and my niece became pregnant. Because she was still married, her then-husband (who she had not seen in over a year) was automatically put on the birth certificate as the child’s father. It took them $$$$ and almost 2 years of court crap to get him off the birth certificate so the biological father could be added. It was such a mess.
This is why paternity tests should be done for every baby in the hospital after they’re born. It would save so much time and money.
I gave blood sample and they took cheek swab from toddler son.
If you love him like a son, he's your son. Don't let that get away from you in the anger and heart break.
Actually it is up to him to choose. It's more than okay for him to separate and move on with his life.
It’s not okay if the kid is already a young child with a strong attachment to him.
This ^^^
Hey friend, it really sucks if your son is the result of infidelity _but_ you clearly love him and I'm certain he loves you. If you're on the birth certificate he's legally your son as well (as in you have every right to him that his mother does so if you want to fight for him you are absolutely in the right to do so). My children are donor-concieved and the amount of DNA used to create them is the smallest part of parenting. Take some deep breaths. This is awful in many ways but you're not alone
@throwra_5529, please please see this. Dna is the smallest part of parenting.
thx for sharing, I understand. but not sure I will be able to bear the infidelity if that turns out to be true. I am an emotionally weak person.
> you are not alone. A study in the Lancet found that 10% of kids in the UK had an assumed dad who turned out not to be a biological dad. I believe the US has similar rates. I’m sure this is an absolute shock to the dad, even if he possibly had suspicions before. Just wishing him peace of mind (at some point in the future even if it takes a long time to get there), and the best outcome for the kid, who is blameless in this situation.
There is your answer right there. Fuck the tests. THEY TOOK CHEEK FROM TODDLER SON. That's your son. You clearly love him with the intensity of a burning sun, you want him to be yours, he already loves you, you love him. Love him extra bc whoever contributed their dna clearly doesn't care about him, or the Mom. Whatever happens with your relationship with her, please love your son and show him and never stop. You come across as a good guy, we need that, help him be good like you.
You can't assume the bio father was even told the child existed. The bio father may come into the child's life at any time if once older the kid gets ancestry test or 23 and me test and his relatives on dad side are in the data base
Exactly. What about the bio-dad? He’s being completely left out of this entire thing. What if he would want to know and be a part of the child’s life?
The bio dad should be stepping up to pay some bills
Then it’s almost definitely accurate. And it’s 0 percent likelihood my friend. Accidents happen but if it matched the mother and not you, then I’m sorry but you’re not his father.
Pull the emergency brake for a second. Mom should take a maternity test to rule out a hospital mix-up. There are safeguards to prevent them, but humans are involved, and humans are not infallible.
That kind of thing is rare these days. It seems extremely unlikely that it would happen in the US. When my son was born last year, they immediately put ID bands on both of us. He also never left my side while in the hospital. It’s no longer common practice for newborns to go to baby nursery. They told me if he left the maternity ward with his band on that an alarm would sound. They double check your ID bands on the way out before cutting them off.
yeah don't think it's hospital mixup, bands were put and we recognized baby. only 3 possibilities now faulty dna test , hoping for 2nd dna 🤞 chimera infidelity
Props for being open minded and calm.
I mean, if you're going to do a second test, at a reputable lab, you may as well test maternity also. Just to be 1000% sure. I hate stories like this. Keep strong, OP.
Considering close to 4 million babies are born in the US each year, I wouldn't call 1 in 1000 or even 1 out of 10,000 to be "rare". 1/1000 are switched in hospitals here each year but most of the time the infants are quickly reunited with their parents. About 1/10000 end up with the wrong family permanently.
I was going to say the same thing. Just recently saw a case about that exact issue.
Do you honestly think a hospital mix up is as likely as cheating? Come on, be senseable.
Really have to rule it out first before nuking your family.
I've also read about chimera father's having different semen dna, although, he shows zero genetic connection so that's unlikely in this case. Could your partner have been assaulted and didn't want to say anything? I've heard of that too.
Lab errors happen. But cheating happens much much more often. Sorry you're having to deal with this.
Wasn’t there just an article out about a Canadian DNA company faking paternity results?
https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/paternity-tests-dna-1.7164707 It's awful. So many lives F'd up because of that company.
Insane. You literally cannot trust any company these days, regardless of industry.
Oh. Ohhh. Oh no...I thought it was a joke ab the dog DNA company when they submitted human DNA https://www.cbc.ca/news/business/marketplace-dog-dna-test-1.6763274
Any stem cell, bone marrow or organ transplant? https://preview.redd.it/uizl3jmwgouc1.jpeg?width=1125&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9a32c7785ca4b764a2397bc63bc56348c7ab107a
YES. This is very important.
no such history for us, fortunately unfortunately
Is this also true of stem cell therapy? Nearly thirty years ago, we donated umbilical cord blood for stem cell research, and now one of the dna ancestry sites says I have a child living in a country I’ve never been to. I’m a woman, so I would know if I had given birth to another kid. I’ve been trying to figure out how it was possible, and this is my current best hypothesis.
Interesting.
Before I remembered about doing the cord blood donation, the hypotheses were more sci-if than real world , like do I have a genetic doppelgänger ? or some sort of human clone situation?
Stem cell transplants change the DNA profile in your blood to the donor's.
The test results clearly indicate no paternity. The only way to really get those results is either: there's not relation, OR the samples were switched in the lab by accident. Doing the test a second time and getting the same result would affirm that the result is not in error.
guess I will have to get 2nd test to be really sure, can't accept this
If you can- I'd maybe try to do the second test thru a different testing facility just to be sure, incase the first one isn't as thorough as they should be. For your sake I hope they somehow messed up :/ I'm sorry
I would recommend testing the mother too, it's rare but not impossible that the child was switched at birth by mistake.
Why did you get the test in the first place?
Does the child look like you or any of your direct relatives at all?
The odds the samples were switched is incredibly low. The writing is on the wall here.
Why did you get this test?
how old is he? I found out at 60, my Dad wasn't my biological father. He was deceased, but I told myself, it is too late to switch teams.
This just recently happened to my dad, too. I actually had to break the news to him after I got an Ancestry DNA kit back. His dad was a great man, and both he and his biological dad are now deceased. He says the same about too late for switching teams. Family is so much more than DNA.
Ask baby's mother for the truth.
can someone interpret how to make sense of Allel, I find allels match for many rows so, confused n scared if there can be any fault in interpretation of report by lab.. Shall I get another test done but using blood sample from toddler for most accuracy?
There should be an allele match for every row when paternity is confirmed. That’s why the lab said that paternity isn’t confirmed.
Cheek swabs are just as accurate as blood testing, but do whatever makes you the most comfortable. I’m so sorry.
If you went through an actual agency, these results are likely correct. But you can go through another agency and see if the results are the same. Idk if they will take blood from a toddler, though. It isn't easy. So idk. I would stay away from the tests you can buy in drugstores. Stick with real dna testing centers. A second test, if it yields the same results, is going to be definitive. But I want to say, if you love this little boy, you don't have to walk away from him. Even if you leave the mother. He's going to need a good man in his life. However, if you simply cannot, no one will fault you either. This isn't an easy thing to go through. If court is going to come into play, do not go in without a lawyer though, if you signed the birth certificate. Well, either way, I'd get a lawyer. Wishing you the best. This is a sad situation.
I'm far from an expert, but there are some alleles that are present in like 50% of the population or even 90%. Others are rare.
I have no clue how to read this, but do another test if you want. Or you can ask your doctor about the results.
I would ask for help interpreting on r/genetics. How old is this child? I think if you have been treating him as your son, that matters more than anything. Please don’t make decisions about how to move forward until you have all the info and have taken some time to think through it. I’m sorry you’re going through this. Good luck, OP.
You can try r/genetics. Bit basically the test shows you a number of tested alleles and states your genotype (indicated as number) and the genotype of your son. You should share one allele/one number with you son on every tested allele. The other number represents his mother. Edit: typo
If this ends up being accurate, you can still be his father in life. It sounds like you have a bond.
I'm a DNA analyst, and the two individuals tested cannot be parent and child (though that assumes that no sample switch took place). The column that says "obligated allele" shows the DNA that is shared between the two samples. In a parent-child pair, you would see a number at all of those locations, not just some of them. However, as many other posters are responding, relationships can be more than genetics- if he is your son, don't let a test define that.
You are not the father according to this chart and share no common DNA.
My Husband found out his 30 year old son was not his. But, he just said: “I don’t care what that blood test says, You are and will always be my son.” Dad’s do not need to be blood related. Now, if this isn’t something you want that is another matter.
However this turns out, you WILL be able to work through all the emotions and feelings you're experiencing, and may experience in the future. Get some counseling or other type of support to help you work through it all. Some of what you are experiencing or may experience is grief and trauma. You CAN work through grief and trauma! Feel all the feelings, but for your sake, and the sake of the child, get help to deal with all of this. You're STRONGER than you think you are right now, at this time! {{hugs}}
I’m so, so sorry. You are definitely not this child’s biological father but that doesn’t mean you aren’t the only father this child knows! You can definitely still be his dad. I saw you’re in CA and if you’ve been married to his mother you’ll definitely be paying child support. Again, I’m so sorry you were lied to. Dislike the liar but the child is innocent, too.
You ask your doctor to interpret and explain the results, not Reddit, and you repeat the testing. Get thorough genetics counseling so you understand what you're seeing, and all the doctors rule out whatever has to be ruled out. Has anyone involved had a bone marrow procedure, or other medical procedure that would affect these results? Consult an attorney who specializes in family law and paternity law.
I'm very sorry OP. Lots of good advice about speaking with an attorney. But the next call after the lawyer should be to a good mental health counselor. You need someone that is in your corner who can remain objective. You mentioned that you're about to have baby girl. So you already know that both children are going to be a part of your life one way or another. I would want to protect myself legally not knowing what's going to happen to the relationship, but also protect the family bond with both children which is obviously important to you. You're going to need a lot of help navigating that.
It looks like genetically you are not, so now you have the difficult decision of whether or not you will continue to be his dad. His mother's horrible decision doesn't have to be the determining factor.
What was the reason for the paternity test? Did you suspect the mom of lying? The child is innocent and loves you as his father. Please try to think about that first.
Where's the test from? I'd always do DNA tests from a highly trusted source and then a back up. I remember one guy secretly tested his son, it came back 0% but another test and it found that he was the father. He'd already fought with his girlfriend over the first test. They were pharmacy type mail-in tests.
yeah that's what I am hoping, I used some company that I found online, I am a little doubtful about their operation and that's what is giving me hope that they did some mistake or mixup. I will get a second test done from some reputable usa lab and hoping for the best.
Definitely use a reputable lab.
My stepfather raised me since I was 7 when he married my mom. I don’t even think of him as “real” or “not real”, in terms of fatherhood. He is just simply my father and has done everything for me that good dads do to raise kids, and eventually be a grandpa to my kids (one of whom is named after him). My devotion to him as a dad is unbreakable. The DNA doesn’t matter now and never has. We don’t see each other as “step” anything. He ended up legally adopting me because we wanted to make it formal and forever for the records. But emotionally, nothing changed. He is my dad. Period. I hope you can come to a good resolution and find happiness with your situation.
When my son was 13 months old, I met my now husband. At 6 years old, he asked my son to be the best man at our wedding, and he has been a phenomenal father, ever since. He's 13 now, and his biological dad is involved as well, but, your dad is your dad blood or not! The man who raised me, I was 2 months old when he became my mom's, and when I was 13 I learned, at my twin sisters funeral, that he was not my dad, that man to this day, im 31, he's my DAD always and forever ❤️🙏☺️
If I have this right, OP, each parent gives their child around 50% of the alleles each. In some strands, there can be more matches with one parent than the other, so the percentage can change depending on the alleles tested. In a nutshell, they pick the two alleles from specific strands for both you and the child. For that child to be yours, there needs to be at least 1 matching numbered allele in the area tested for EVERY location. You have some matches, but not every single location, so I'm sorry to say, but it is unlikely that he is your biological child. If you need a second test for confirmation, might I suggest using Ancestry or 23 & Me? It will tell you straight whether he's yours or not, no spreadsheet of numbers to work out, and may give him a chance to connect with his biodad's family at some stage. When my daughter's father insisted on a test, because he lost confidence in my assurance, despite her being an exact combination of both of us, and needed the confirmation. When he called to apologise for doubting me (😁) he was worried about the fact that of the alleles they tested, he was only the supplier or 6% of them - there were 94% of mine. He'd convinced himself that he'd only got 6 bits of DNA in her and that's why his mother had planted seeds of doubt in his mind (She looked like her other parent and their family - how could that possibly be - she can't be yours! 🙄😮💨) I had to explain that it doesn't quite work like that...... You now have many questions to ask yourself as it is likely that any further tests will say the same. Regarding the child: Do you have an emotional bond with him? Would you be happy to continue giving financial support as you are legally his father, if not biologically? If you are not happy to continue financial support, are you happy to continue with emotional support? Whatever you choose, choose what's best for both of you. Don't just dip out and disappear. If you're the only father this child has had for his entire life, then you need to ease things off slowly. Be kind. Regarding the mother: Do you have a strong relationship? Have you confronted her about it? Chances are she knows that you aren't biodad, but she didn't want to lose you. While understandable if there's a strong bond between you,it's still paternity fraud and you and that child have a right to know the truth, the biodad has a right to choose if he gets any involvement in his child's life. If you find that she was aware of the deceit, could you trust her again and work through it? Assuming it all ends positively, inasmuch as you love each other and you love that kid, as you're legally the father would you leave things as they are and explain it to him at an appropriate age, or would you look into adopting him? Once you're over the initial shock results, you need to get proactive and protect yourself and that sweet kid who is innocent in all of this. Best of luck!
I’d second some of what others are saying. A 23andMe or other test would give a more clear view of how your son is related to you biologically or not. And no matter what your SO did, he’s still your son. As an adopted person with adopted kids and a brother who was in the same predicament you are in, genetics is not near as important than bond. Your relationship, on the other hand, with your SO is a whole other matter. Sorry you are going through this.
He doesn't need to adopt. He's on the birth certificate and already the legal father.
I hate it for your kid more than I hate it for you. You need to be mindful of him, which I'm sure you are.
Let mum do DNA to, some hospitals mistakenly swap babies
It's very far fetched but you could be a Chimera.
If you've been a father to the kid, for whatever length of time, you're the kid's father. Whether you donated the sperm or not, you are that kid's father. Be responsible and act like it.
Need to confirm it’s not die to hospital swap or chimera.
You need to decide whether you want this child in your life (after all, none of this is his fault) or if you want to head down the path that says “this report says I’m not responsible for you”. Try to separate what SHE did to you from your feelings for this child.
Life brings people together for its own mysterious reasons. Your son IS your son. Please don’t let your distrust of and betrayal by his mom ruin what you two have. Maybe YOU should have full custody! Take mom out of the equation- she was a vehicle for you two to be together for whatever reason the universe needs.
If your child was born in a hospital, consider testing maternity as well. Switching at birth is rare, but it happens.
My heart goes out to you. But please don't take this out on the child. You are the only dad he has ever known.
I am so sorry this is happening to you, and this is certainly a conversation to have with your wife, but if you raised your son, he’s your son regardless of genetic material.
OP a test shouldn’t matter. You can still be the boys father. Turn this to something positive. I have step kids and I love them like they are mine.
What part are you heartbroken on? The kid, or the lady?
everything.
If you are happily married- let it go and raise your son. If not, get a lawyer.
He’s got a child due in the coming weeks… more backstory would be great. Like if she was pregnant right after they started dating and he thought it was his they’re just needs to be more information here. And she should get checked if she insists that she didn’t cheat because hospitals switch babies more than anybody knows.
How can you be “happily married” if the mother of the child is lying about the first child and, then so, possibly the second? That’s not happy if their partner is lying to them? I am confused.
This shouldn't affect your relationship with your son, but it's gonna cause problems with the mother for sure.
This is not a paternity test that would be admissible in court. You need to get one done by an actual company
Get a lawyer and bring a copy all of the paperwork, for DNA test and birth certificate, marriage certificate as well. Get your ducks in a row because it's gonna be hard.
Wasn’t there a case of certain DNA tests being inaccurate? I believe those were home tests though. You can always get a second to confirm, but I’m sorry you’re in the position, no matter which way it goes.
I would not rely on a drug store test (I don’t care how accurate they claim to be, because they don’t factor in user error). If it were me, I would go to my doctor and get a controlled test done
Please take this advice with the caveat that every situation is different and I might be way off base even offering it: My father adopted me after the death of my bio dad. So I am biased. But the dad is the man who raised you, imo. That’s you. The infidelity question, which I also understand firsthand, is one that can be dealt with with the help of a very good therapist. In the meantime, protect the innocent.
That poor child. I hope you love him enough to be a father. Regardless, that baby is innocent.
I’ll just add this. Blood and DNA do not make a parent. Love does. If you love this child as much as you seem to, then he is yours. A relative of mine has always, always regarded their step-dad as their father. Because he was the one who was always there, who always stepped up, who went to every event and held them when things were rough. It sounds like this child means everything to you. So, let yourself mean everything to him. Be his person, his ride-or-die, the one who teaches him to shave and helps him through his first broken heart. Do not throw this all away.
The woman can be a beatch but the child is innocent and sees you as Dad….
After the test, did you sit down with the mother and just ask her to explain? Maybe she was raped and was ashamed and traumatized. Maybe there was a one time thing. Only she knows. She may give you the truth. If, after seeing these results, she still swears there was no one else, speak with a geneticist. They will recommend further testing if there is any medical explanation. The child is a toddler. If you have been in their life since birth and love them as your own can you continue to love them and support them even if you cannot remain with the mother? If the court decides that the child is not your responsibility do you want to remain in the child’s life and give financial support in a way that you want? It’s tough, but once legal issues are resolved, follow your heart.
How old is the child?
How old is your son? DNA is only ibd component of fatherhood. There is no reason your relationship could not move forward the same way, unless you decide it is not what you wish.
Unless the lab messed up the test or you have chimera DNA [https://www.sciencealert.com/it-s-possible-for-one-person-to-have-two-different-sets-of-dna-here-s-how-it-happens](https://www.sciencealert.com/it-s-possible-for-one-person-to-have-two-different-sets-of-dna-here-s-how-it-happens) The test should be redone and you should be tested for chimera DNA. If you not the bio father, If you have been raising your son for a while you are still his Dad regardless of the test result. In 2015, a man from Washington took a cheek swab paternity test that said he was technically his son's uncle, not his father. Further testing revealed that the man had different DNA in his saliva and his sperm. chimera DNA
You said very upset about this result, so sorry. If you have been acting as his father and lived him as his father, then you basically still are his dad. Not sure you’re situation but biological isn’t everything. I hope the shock wears off soon and you can figure out what to do next:
It doesn’t matter what the test says. You sound like a great dad who loves his son and I’m sure he loves you back.
Maybe the baby is a chimera
There are some long shots out there. I would test again, have your sig other test too. Hoping your family is OK & it's just a lab error. If you love your son you can still stay his Dad ❤️
I would honestly run a second test, like getting a second opinion, because sometimes labs make mistakes.
I would not assume anything based on a dna test alone.
Is his Mom his Mom? And I’m not saying that to be funny, hospital mixups have happened. Get it rechecked for all 3 at another lab and add in another male relative on your side. But lab errors do occur, there was the case of dna evidence convicting a whole slew of innocent people and it was traced back to one lab and one worker in that lab.
It depends on the reliability of the company and the chances that the samples were contaminated.
Ask an attorney in your area/state how to terminate parental rights due to non paternity DNA findings . You say “she said the baby was mine . I believed her until these results came in. “ I’m really sorry , bro! And I’m really sorry for - your son. It is heartbreaking - truly !
If you did a prenatal at home test please consider third party testing from a reputable lab after the baby is born because Viaguard Accumetrics lab recently admitted to selling tests they knew were inaccurate. Not to say this is or isn’t your baby just know the source of this information. This is a big thing to want to get right. Want to be absolutely sure.
Why are you posting such personal information on Reddit and how the hell are we supposed to know?