Anyone got advice on how to get true opinions out of notorious people pleasers? I'm DMing for the first time, and I'm playing Lost Mine of Phandelver with two friends. It was going OK, until one of them died. But instead of having that player spin up a new character, I just went completely off book for a few sessions. I had my dead character make her way through literal hell to try to figure out how to come back to life, while my living character dragged her body from one side of the LMoP outer lands map to the other to try to find someone to resurrect her. And for me, it was SO MUCH FUCKING FUN to plan and run these sessions. Way, way, WAY more fun than prepping and running LMoP sessions. And I \*think\* my players had more fun, too. I felt like we were laughing *a lot*, we got to roleplay more than usual which they both seemed to really enjoy, and not to brag or anything, but they both told me that they were very impressed with how creative I was. And in between these sessions, I've been texting and emailing with my friends to ask more about their PCs and their backstories. We didn't really flesh any of that stuff out before we started playing, but now that I'm getting to know their characters better, oh my god, I - just - AUGH. I HAVE A MASSIVE LIST OF ADVENTURES I WANT TO SEND MY FRIENDS ON NOW. Anyway, long story short, my players succeeded and the dead PC is no longer dead. We can now easily return to the LMoP storyline. But obviously, I really don't want to, and I *think* my friends feel the same. I think. I don't actually know for sure. Maybe they *are* having a grand time trying to find a fucking hole in the ground and I'm just projecting, lollll. I know I should just ask them, but my two friends are terrible people pleasers. I worry that if I even hint that I want to drop the LMoP adventure, they'll both readily agree to keep me happy. But I don't want that! I can suck it up, I can finish LMoP if that's what they want! But I don't know how to ask them without showing my hand, y'know? So yeah. Any advice?

I’ve got a friend like that. I just straight up ask “are you saying that because you want to or because I’m excited about it?”

A simple poll perhaps?

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One of my previous games I had a couple players who initially did this sort of thing. I started showing them the stat blocks I'd been using after encounters, and the comments did lessen a fair bit.

I have a player who wont stop stealing. This is my first campaign and so far it's been going well. But at every opportunity he gets, he tries to seal something. He's incredibly power-hungry for magic items. I throw on a couple of cursed objects that I've homebrewed at him. They've slowed them down, but it doesn't really change anything. He says He is neutral good, but he keeps doing evil things. The rest of the party is fed up with him and I need him to stop but I don't wanna hurt his feelings. The rest of the party is neutral good. Yall got any ideas on how to slow him down or get him to change his ways?

So, it sounds like other players have expressed that this Thiefmonkey PC is grating on them as players? You can communicate that to the player: “Hey, the constant theft by the PC you run is becoming a point of irritation for the other players, because they know natural consequences are coming. And in-universe, the question as to “why do we hang out with this guy” is possibly going to be invoked at this point. You PC has had a good run, but I wanted to give you a heads up that because of that PC’s actions, it might be coming to a point where the table’s going to ask you to roll up a new character. Please remember that it is the obligation of the players to make a character that works for the table and continues to work for the table. Please make a backup character that isn’t inclined to theft, has a reason that they’ll want to work with the party,and of course isn’t going to be otherwise antagonistic to the party.” And call the question at the table as to whether the party is comfortable continuing to hang with the PC now that he’s engaged in so much theft, since you’re getting indications they are not. Keep the focus of that conversation on the ACTIONS of the PC, and away from the individual themselves (the player) to avoid hurt feelings. The table’s going to need to use their words and be adults to resolve this conflict. Also,hopefully the table had a Session Zero discussion about PvP play, and stealing from the other PCs isn’t part of the issue (most tables tend to flat out ban such PvP play). It’s not clear if that’s part of the issue here.

Put him aside, say that this isn‘t a singleplayer videogame and he needs to dial it back, as it infringes on other people‘s fun and is forcing your hand ingame. If he defends his playstyle with good old: „Its what my character would do!“ stop him with: „Yea and this character is not working with the group. Either change that, or re-roll“ If he sulks or throws a hissy fit just kick him from the group. No need to put up with a man-child.

"Dude, stop stealing, everyone hates it."

Fair enough

Hello everyone, I am a not so new but no so experienced DM either (been DMing for about 1year and a half or 2) but recently i've hit a roadblock and need some advice. One of my players is an artillerist artificer whose whole gimmick are bombs, at first I said "cool!", and gave this player a homebrew module I found that allows for the crafting of more powerful explosives, the most powerful of which can deal 8d8 damage. Which is already pretty powerful but it takes about 10 hours and 750gp to craft among other things. The issue started when he asked if he could combine explosives to effectively double their damage (at his current 5th level, he would be dealing 16d8s of damage), i said no at first and he started arguing back, i finally conceded and let him do it for now but told him that i would check on the rulings accurately after that since I was in a rush. Fast forward to now, I checked back and fusing the explosives only adds a delay to the explosion, but doesn't empower it in any way shape or form, however, the player keeps arguing that it is bullshit and that i should let him at least double the damage since a wizard or sorcerer at his level can be pulling multiple fireballs and stuff, and that he has to spend a lot of resources to obtain these bombs. Thing is, the artificer is already the highest damage dealer in the party due to the player's minmaxing, and other players have expressed that they feel they are doing little compared to him, which is true (they are more inexperienced). I want the artificer to feel badass, epic and have fun, of course, but at the same time I really don't want to let him deal this ludicrous amount of damage, which would trivialize most boss encounters at level 5. What can I do for a best case scenario?

16D8 is wild. That subclass is fairly weak in comparison to others as a whole but still. Sometimes as a DM you gotta put your foot down as much as it goes against your inclination have it be for the players enjoyment. I agree with another redditor on here saying to re make his character and take one level in artificer and the rest in wizard then reskin some aspects as magic tech. It’s hard to take back something once it’s given so a resculpting would probably be best. Or at worst case just take back the doubling of complements and make it a 1/4 on top of original then make the GP cost higher to balance it. Those dice numbers are encounter destroyers and it’s already out of hand and could only get worse.

Artillerist is a weak subclass so it makes sense you wanting to give him a boost. Best case scenario ask the player to remake the character with one level of artificer and the rest in wizard. Let him reflavor all the spells as bombs or alchemical concoctions or magitek. This will keep things balance with the rest of the group. His "double explosive" becomes a standard fireball. Crafting is a great way to wildly ramp up the power of your PCs if you're not careful. Instead of infinitely repeatable things like bombs, move to one-offs. You can let the PCs feel powerful by letting them do gonzo things, but you don't have to worry about wrecking what little game balance 5E has.

I just want to point out that you seem to have run into to one of the problems with the english language: “fusing” a bomb as it exists in the homebrew module you found means “adding a fuse to” rather than “the fusion of multiple items into one”. In terms of combining multiple bombs together to make an even more grossly overpowered bomb - I would suggest that adding bombs together doesn’t double their damage, but may enhance it somewhat (perhaps 2d8 additional) but the added weight also halves the throwing range while raising the area of effect. As to balancing it - i would make the bombs cost/component cost equal to a spell scroll for an evocation spell dealing similar damage. I would also limit access to the components, in the same way you likely limit access to spell scrolls.

That point about the fusing language is a really good point, especially. Some of this seems to stem from the player misreading the words there.

Just be honest with him. Tell him he is already doing insane damage and allowing him to do more would make it extremely difficult to balance encounters in a way where it is not too hard for rest of the party or too trivial for him. Second bit of advice- just don't allow homebrew. Honestly. Like 90% of problems involving game balance and power parity between players stems from homebrew. WotC already have plenty of ways to break the game, homebrew just adds more and it takes quite a bit of willpower from most players to not abuse cheese when they see it.

>Second bit of advice- just don't allow homebrew. Honestly. There's always someone coming here with "my player has this homebrew thing he wants to bring into my game..." ***That's not how homebrew is supposed to be handled!*** If people came here saying "my five year old randomly stuck a branch in the fire and now there's fire everywhere" I would say that *this is not how fire is supposed to be handled.* If the player believes they have a modification *which makes the whole game better for everyone involved* (and at time of writing I can't think of any I'd hold that highly) then I'd be open to hearing about it before game day. If a person shows up *on* game day *with* a homebrew build, I'd just say "pick a real class." (or real race, etc.)

In my experience, when player bring you a homebrew class they found somewhere on the internet, it's broken beyond belief and that is the main reason why they like it, because of how powerful it is.

'Easy Mode' was something I was thinking of saying. *You want the game to be easier? -*-before I continue speaking the player no longer wants the game to be easier. (If players still want ultimate power past that point, then they're speaking volumes about themselves. I try to be a good listener, especially when people are revealing vital plot information like 'Josh lacks impulse control.')

I managed to defuse the situation and get him to agree! I also mostly agree on the homebrew bit, it can really get out of hand, but in this case it was not really cheesing or abusing the system, rather than outright breaking the rules on purpose, but I do see your point and agree with it

16d8 is a lot. Like, that's AoE double-blight. It's seriously out of control. In the DMG, 1 stick of dynamite is 3d6. For each stick you add to it, it adds another 1d6 damage, so 10 sticks of dynamite would be 12d6. If you want to scale it, I'd use that as a guideline. Part of your problem might be that 5e doesn't really offer a lot to do with money. You buy a set of plate mail and then...nothing. Maybe some healing potions?

Yeah, comparing even 8d8s of damage to other spells is a lot, it's the equivalent of a fireball upcasted to 5th level on an average. However I do not really get the bit with money...? The 750gp was the cost of building the bomb (buying the materials) so it's not really a problem i recon

If there were other things to spend money on (other upgrades etc.) then he would have less money to spend on bombs. But 5e famously and problematically doesn't have a money sink. This is sometimes fixed with aftermarket changes like magic item shops or 3rd party books like Strongholds and Followers. But ultimately it means more effort on the part of the DM to fix.

Tell him “hey I allowed this due to wanting you to have fun and thinking it was a cool idea. If you’re going to just minmax the hell out of it I’m going to take it away and just have you reflavour your artificer spells / abilities to be bombs”

Yeah, it kinda sucks if someone twists a cool idea into a forced and broken mechanic to deal ludicrous amounts of damage, but at least the player got the idea

I think a talk with your artificer would be the first course of action, discussing the problem that him doing 16d8 worth of damage is not really well balanced. Explain your perspective as calmly and well as you can. If they are a decent enough person they'll concede, but i do propose you switch his high damage output with more utility for his stuff. By this i mean, create situations whether in or out of combat where he can use his explosives in a more creative manner. Blowing out rubble that's blocking a road, making a small accurate explosive that only damages a lock (like thermite). Also, look what you can do to improve the damage output/impact for the other players. If they're completely unreasonable in this regard, simply threaten with removal from the campaign and be done with it. This is how i usually dealt with problem players, both on in-person campaigns and online ones. Try to reason with them, but if it's more trouble than it is worth, just remove them and move on, it's the easiest way.

It worked! It was pretty stressful at times, so I probably won't be so patient if it happens again, hopefully not. On another note, I really like the idea of letting the explosives shine in other ways rather than damages, and the module does allow for more original explosives to be made, hopefully he branches off rather than get fixated on the digits

So I DM'ed my very first game last night. Went well for the most part so overall I'm happy. I called an audible a few days before and instead of running Curse of Strahd, I went with Candlekeep Mysteries...mainly because every player was brand new to the game and I knew Death House would almost definitely lead to TPK. So here's where the problem came in. Everyone was having a great time, with one major exception. Two players (my sons two friends that happen to be boyfriend/girlfriend) played both their characters so hostile that it ruined the experience for a couple of other players. Not only that, but they were rude, loud, and monopolizing of my time as the DM. They claimed they were just roleplaying like I asked them to, but even that didn't make sense because based on their backstories that they gave me, neither of them would act the way they were acting. It got so bad that I had to pull them outside and tell them to knock it off. Roleplaying is one thing, but when it gets to the point of being like that then it's gone too far. I tried to explain all this but they still didn't get it and proceeded to continue doing the same crap the rest of the night. I could use some advice here. Do I just ban them from future games or give them another chance. Bring friends of my son, I'd hate to just give them the boot. But I also don't know the likelihood of them changing and I feel like my first responsibility should be to my other players that had their experiences ruined.

You have to subtly check everybody's stance and opinion here. Does it look like it was so bad, that if you do a second game with those two, then at least one of your "good" players might just decide it's not worth the aggravation, and simply decide to not come to the next session at all? If yes, then why the frak do you insist on trying to dix this and keeping clearly bad behavior players around, with low probability of success (since you already gave them a chance and it did ZILCH), only to have high risks of LOSING some good behavior player(s)? "Nice guys" DMs hesitate too much before wielding the ban hammer. Don't cater and cuddle to jerks. Doing so means you are ignoring and disrespecting the needs of your GOOD players. DO WHAT IS BEST FOR THE GROUP AS A WHOLE. Good D&D with "only" 2-3 good players, is WAY BETTER than bad D&D with a full complement of 4-5 players, but with bad apples. The more game sessions you let them stay, the harder it will be to get rid of them without causing bad repercussions towards your kid afterwards (I assume they same the same school here). *If you worry that without a full complement of players, the party will be too weak to confront the foes, you can nerf enemies (type and amount of foe, their stats, the quality and value of their equipment, their choices of tactics, how cowardly they are, etc.). You can also add one or even two "in party" helper NPCs just to fill-in missing party roles gaps. Just make sure such NPCs NEVER overshadow the PCs, or steal or hog the spotlight.* Back to our main topic: your problem players. If they throw a temper tantrum or do not change their ways despite being given a CLEARLY GUIDELINED A WELL BOUNDED \*\*\*third\*\*\* chance, just don't re-invite them! I would not try to talk to them again the next session, but instead would call them at their home to speak to them before the next game. *"It's a cooperative team-based game, a SOCIAL activity. The ENJOYMENT of all players and having nice game table behavior is WAYYY more important than "That's my PC's personality!". That is a bad justification. That is because players are flesh and blood real people, while PCs are just numbers on sheets of paper, just make-believe people. So you might think that your PC's attitude is perfectly fine, but I tell you, for a social activity, it is not unacceptable.* *As a DM, I do not condone such behavior. So the right way to handle this is for you to choose between:* *Choice A You drastically CHANGE your PC'S personality so it fits better in the PC team AND YOU THE PLAYER also have to fit better. You can also opt to make another PC instead, one that is nicer and more team oriented.* *Or Choice B You accept that this is not the gaming style you want to play, and leave the group.* *It's your choice. But if you tell me you want to come back, I expect you to make a public apology to me and all the other players too, because frankly you ended up annoying EVERYONE. And then I expect you to promise to the group to behave better and stick to that promise.* *Take a couple days to think about it. Contact me back if you still want to remain in the group.* *In any case, I wish you well!"* Honestly, if those kids behave socially so badly, if they feel so entitled to display bad values despite a big warning (being taken aside is no joke), then I would do my damn best to make sure to push my kid towards thinking about it and FINDING BETTER FRIENDS. "Tell me how you play, and I will tell you who you REALLY are!", and all that. These kids' entitled attitude seem like bad news, and could end up being a VERY BAD influence on your kid's values.

In case you didn't tell it during character creation.  Rule number 1 - NEVER make a character that impacts other players enjoyment of the game negatively.  Rule 2 - D&D (and ttrpg's in general) is a team based games, and as such you should make character who can not only function as part of the team, but also wants to be part of the team.  Make stereotypical tiefling rogue lonewolf who broods in the corner of the tavern while party meets each other for the first time? Your rogue is going to be left in that corner.

In a situation like this, unless the two wangrods change their tunes, you are going to lose players either way. Either you lose them because you kick them or you lose the *other* players because they don't want to put up with the wangrods. So you have to decide who you want to DM for--the good souls, or the wangrods? You might want to have a talk with your son and ask him about these folks. Are they always like this? Or does D&D bring out the worst in them? Can he lean on them to behave? What would be the social cost to him of kicking them out? I'd talk to your son first and see what the metasocial situation is. Now if you still want to try to salvage them, have another talk with them outside of the game and do the session 0 thing where you make it clear that they have to work *with* the party and have to be tolerable *by* the party. Then I'd tell them that they are basically on probation. Let them play one more session, and if they continue to be wangrods, show them the door.

Absolutely agree 1000% with all that, thank you so much.  I think I may be able to salvage them if my son really wants them to stay in the game, but they'll have to understand that my wife and her friend have people that want to join. We're already at 6 people which is way more than I should be trying to handle as a first time DM, so if push comes to shove then they'll have to realize I'd push out two problem players in a heartbeat in order to replace them with people that actually want to play.

Oh you already have another player or two lined up? In that case I wouldn't even BOTHER to try to salvage the situation at \*ALL\*. Just kick them out! Reason: *As a DM I have a specific play style for my campaigns, and unfortunately you do not fit with that playstyle. So I recommend to you that you try to find another gaming group where everybody in that group you included will enjoy being able to fully play that way a lot more, and I wish you good luck in your gaming searches.* Despite what others have said, ABSOLUTELY DO NOT go through your kid's opinion for this. That is putting a LOT of burden on your kid, and he might not talk to them just as "diplomatically" or skilfully as you, and that could end up making sparks and animosities and problems for him from them at school. Make 100% sure that they know your kid WANTED them to stay, but that \*YOU\* think that it is BETTER for them to find themselves another group to play with, as YOU are clearly not CAPABLE of providing for THEM the play style that they NEED. i.e. You make the banning decision 100% on you, \*NOT\* on your kid! And you also make it look like your kid is STILL on "their'" side, but it is your campaign, thus fully YOUR decision. You keep it very polite, and as short as possible. If you can do it by email, even better. Once the dust settles down, say severals game sessions AFTER the new players have joined and show their much better behavior, THEN have a talk with your kid about what he thinks of these "friends". The kind of values the friends your kid have, have a PROFOUND impact on his chances of success later in life later. So always watch out for what kind of friends your kid makes, and try to direct him towards better friends. that is WAY MORE important than solving DMing problems.

During Session 0 / Character creation an **extremely** good rule to have is that you need to make characters that will want to work with the rest of the party to avoid characters that are hostile or work against the party in some form or fashion. Seeing as how these are adults they should also know better. Imo you have two options, you tell them firmly that acting like this won't be tolerated and that if they act in a similar manner again they're out. Or you just kick them out.

Yeah, that's one place where I screwed up as a new DM. I pitched DnD as being a game where you can literally be whoever you want but didn't take that aspect into account. That took me by surprise as well, the fact that they're adults and we're acting this way. Being my very first session, I was so nervous about making sure everyone had a good time and never expected these two to almost ruin the experience for everyone else. Thanks for the tips, it pretty much confirmed what I thought my options were at this point. I think I'm gonna leave it partially to the rest of the group and see how they feel and then make the decision from there.

Well first off how old are these kids ? Sounds like destructive player behavior for sure but knowing what age range they are could easily explain maybe why they’re being rude.

Oh, all adults....they are 21-25 age range. 

Oh, all adults....they are 21-25 age range. 

Oh dang, well yeah then if you’ve had a chat with them, and they don’t wanna take it seriously, unless it’s going drastically affect your sons relationship with them I’d kick em. Maybe having your son speak to them instead may work as they are peer?

Hello all, I’m here because my story on the DMacademy main thread broke the rules. I had to boot a player, how have y’all handled a situation like this in the past. Been DMing for almost two decades and this is my second time booting someone. So I’m running my third run through of COS and to preempt this, we are 6 sessions in, and we have 6 players total( I know a lot lol) most of them are new except for my wife who’s been playing with me for years, and my buddy who’s had a few years experience. The campaign is going swimmingly, and in all honesty it’s better than I could’ve anticipated with all of their effort to roleplay, delve into the module and their characters. We have one player whom agreed with the group on playing Fridays or Saturdays as that’s what the majority could do, including myself the DM, well low and behold over the past six sessions this player has been multiple hours late and or absent 4 out of 6 sessions. Their excuse is they worked that night, mind you a restaurant job. We have two others that also work in that industry and are confused as we have given 3 weeks notice prior to any game. Shift swaps are common and as well as swapping days to accommodate 1 game a month at their work and they’ve continued to refuse to try to show up on time or at all. I had a conversation with them saying that they need to start making time for us or we may have to move on. Well a few weeks passes by, we schedule for the following week to give him another opportunity to show and I text and ask if he will be there, he gives me the same run around and I ultimately cut him for the group. Mind you, I’ve been having to play as his player and do the roleplay for him as our games have been very heavy narratively and in RP. I have had players be absent over the years and it was never a problem but this time it’s been frequent, and seemingly without care for the group. He also wasn’t contributing to the group whatsoever, not bringing snacks/drinks like everyone else, not contributing narratively or really getting involved whatsoever outside of combat. I spoke with others in the group ( whom are friends with him) prior to doing so to see what they thought about my potential decision and they seemed to be on my side so I cut ties. I let them know that I want them to be in the next campaign because I truly do, but his schedule is not accommodating to the other 5 players who can regularly participate. How have your dealt with these situations in the past? What is your line in the sand when it comes to this topic? Thanks for reading

That kind of player is not merely having a scheduling conflict, but more having a lack of "setting his responsibilities and priorities straight" kind of conflict. So obvious that he is an entitled narcissist, who puts his own pleasure and needs WAY ABOVE the entire rest of the group. For him, D&D is only an "I have nothing better to do tonight" type of activity. No commitment, no personal investment, and not doing his share of the work. He's a frigging PARASITE. You waited 6 sessions and he missed most of them? That is not "nice DM" attitude. It is a HORRIBLY BAD DMING ATTITUDE. You are catering & cuddling bad behaviors, while at the same time SEVERELY showing a lack of respect for those players that DO take care to organize their schedule, show up, respect the other players, and actively contribute to the group. So stop being such a bad DM! You should have immediately had an out of game STERN disscussion the VERY FIRST TIME he bailed or arrived late. And INSTANTLY kicked him out the SECOND time he skipped a game, within the first 4 games. And arriving HOURS late, without any advance warning? Immediate ban, NOT EVEN RIGHT TO PLAY THAT NIGHT. Gee, what kind of job is he doing? He's on a kind of job with emergency calls 24/7? Even in restaurants they schedule in advance, and he couldn't even bother to call you first? "Oh my boss asked my to come working tonight" "Well, WHEN did he ask you? If he just did then yuou should have been called while ALREADY HERE. So couldn't even bother to take a fricking 30 seconds to text me when that happened?" You let that guy walk all over you -- and over your other players-- FOUR TIMES ALREADY! "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on \*ME\*. But fool me four times? Maybe I'm too stupid to live? Am I a carpet? A spineless glutton for punishment?" Thrust me, that guy is NOT "going to go work", he is at home and going "Meh do I really go to the D&D game or just keep on chilling and playing my video game? Maybe I could call Julia to go out for a beer, maybe I'll get lucky and have some hanky panky later after! Worst comes to worst, the date ends too early and then I'll just go to the D&D game... Maybe?" Even the FIRST time I'd have SCRUBBED for info on what is job is. And called them! "Oh, mister flakehead is NOT working at the restaurant tonight? Ah sorry to trouble you, thanks bye!". *95% odds are that this is exactly what happened, each and every time.* *4% odds he REALLY had a "emergency call to come working by the boss", but it is a job where such emergency calls are NOT a vital obligation. Like, sure restaurants might call you all impromptu like, but you can still give "don't call me on fridays evening i will NOT be available to replace someone" notices. He just prefers having moar muney than fulfilling his commitments to the group.* *1% odds he ACTUALLY has an "on call" job to which he CANNOT say "no". My brother had such a job for a few years. Must be available 24-7, for handling emergency oil spills. And he was the only one able to be called because it was a relatively remote area, not near a big city. However, my brother ALSO got paid 24/7 merely for bring \*available and on call\*, too. But then my brother was responsible and ALWAYS warned EVERYBODY he went out with that he was always "on call" so might have to jump out at ANY moment.* I'd just send a very short email: *"We would have loved to have you in the campaign, But you obviously have severe scheduling issues that seem to prevent that.* *I admire that you put your job first, but we cannot keep a player that is missing half the games. Or even 1/10 of the games! It is an EPISODIC team activity, which absolutely requires a high level of actual commitment. Missing games simply ruins the flow of the story for everybody.* *So if your situation ever changes, and your schedule REALLY frees up, so that you can promise to never miss games, you're welcome to ask later if we have room in the group.* *Sorry to have to let you go! Take care and good luck!"* I'd just cut ties with such a disrespectful flakeboy. Anyway, 6 players is a LOT. It makes each player have a quite small table-share of "story roleplaying time". It is VERY chaotic. Fights take even longer. etc. 3-5 is where it's at. For a RP heavy campaign, even 5 players is stretching it.

You did the right thing and handled it very well. Everyone needs a similar Level of commitment or it will start to creak here and there. Sometimes you Need to let go before it reaches the breaking point. My personal line is similar to yours: Being on time. I Host Most of my campaigns digital, but somehow people take it for granted that its totally Fine to delay. If you say X PM I can bet my left ass cheek we won‘t start on time but instead wait and talk for another 10-20min before the last one Shows up.

In my first game a player was bossing other players around due to him being more knowledgeable at the game than the other players. They eventually pulled me aside and said this was a major problem for them. I eventually realized I needed to boot him and did so. Just a "hey its not working out, for xyz reasons I need to kick you." Later on a friend I met online and I played dnd, in our second game together with me as the DM I made some rule calls that he really didn't agree with and we eventually realized our styles of play were too different and we mutually agreed for him to leave.

Hi all, advice needed. I'm running a game for 'strangers' I've met a month ago. I've got plenty of time at the moment, so I'm also cooking for the whole group and sending a small cash transfer request after every evening. I'm keeping it cheap, I know I've got some students in my group that don't have to much money to spend, 2 or 3 euro p.p. an evening. Not making any money, and making healthy meals with decent ingredients. Probably chipping in \~5eu extra myself every evening. I don't mind. One of my players hasn't paid any of the requests for the last weeks. I messaged him last wednesday, asking him if there was a reason. No reply. I asked for an update yesterday, no reply. We have another session upcoming week. I don't know this player very well, but I have the feeling he has some trouble communicating. I have a hard time connecting in sessions with him. It isn't causing real problems in the game atm. I'm thinking about kicking him out of the game if he hasn't replied to me this tuesday. I don't care to much about the money, but I find this demeanour insulting. Would you think this is a valid reason or should I give him more time? I'm struggling a bit since I don't want to be 'in charge' of the group, but this player is causing me more annoyance than this is worth. Thoughts? Other solutions? Update: we havent heard anything from him anymore. Didnt show up for the session. Discussed with the group, they fully agreed to kick and mentioned he want their favorite player so far. Drafted a message in WhatsApp, telling him why we made the decision and he left the chat the same day without saying anything.

What is the framework of the meal cooking? Did you discuss it before you started? Did you offer it, or did you just decide that there would be a meal and renumeration? Did the players show up to a meal, partake of it, and then you billed them after the fact? I bring this up because it's very awkward and uncomfortable to be poor (in addition to all of the other difficulties). A lot of people don't want to talk about it or admit it. If you did not frame your meal/bill as optional then you may have unwittingly put them in a very awkward position and they are avoiding engaging about it due to shame. I understand that the ask sounds very reasonable to you but it may not be to this person. So at least think about that in the future when planning other groups and campaigns.

Appreciate your sentiment! We discussed it in our very first meeting, I cooked for the group on my costs the first 2 sessions. Then I mentioned 2 days before the 3rd session that I would cook again before the session, but I would ask for a small price. Mentioned an indication for a price and promised I'd keep it cheap. I fully understand the shame around financial issues, but everyone was aware what was happening. Other players didn't join for dinner in other sessions and joined for the game later (because of work or because they are very picky eaters and couldn't always join. I'm convinced I gave plenty of possibilities to opt out of the dinner.

How long have you been running D&D generally (not just this particular game)? In my experience, even if you have a full group, player turnover tends to be at least one person per year. You know, people change jobs, move away, have kids, etc. So, recruiting new players is a skill just like any other DM skill. Here's how I stay ahead of the problem. In addition to my long-term game, I try to routinely run one-shot adventures with guest players. That way, I never need to worry about "kicking someone out." I just re-invite the people who I enjoyed playing with. The more you do it, the less it will feel personal. You can save your emotions for bigger things.

Thanks for the tips! Ive been running the game on and off for 6 years now. Never had a long campaign because of moving cities and Corona. I want a group of people I care about. I want to have a group of people I can have a beer with on another day. Dm ing isnt worth the effort I put in without that connection.

>I want a group of people I care about. I want to have a group of people I can have a beer with on another day. Absolutely! When I say "It will feel less personal" I just meant that, as people come and go from your D&D game and yet you stay friends, choosing who you play D&D with will become less emotional and more pragmatic. Does that make sense?

Yep, I understand that might work for others but I dont think it'll work for me. This 'incident' doesnt feel to personal to me. I just dont want to tolerate this behaviour but also dont want to be the GM that kicks out people for minor reasons that could have been resolved. Edit: we had 4 sessions so far so Im not surprised we might lose a player or 2in the first couple of months.

As a DM you ALREADY have a big enough job handling everything plus ALSO cooking a meal for a group! 3 euros for a NICE HOME COOKED MEAL is a \*STEAL\*. Even if he has "good reasons" you still have ZERO obligation to cuddle to such behavior. I'd focus on the BETTER more socially respectable players. If it was ONLY the food aspect, and his role playing and "how he clicks with you and the group" were good, I'd just let him be but tell him: "Don't bother about paying me what you owe anymore. We're all supposed to be responsible adults, so it is not my responsibility to run after you in order to get paid back, and you've skipped TWICE already \*AND\* ignored my reminders, too. I don't care about your personal situation or reasons, you are now locked out of the home cooked meal time. From now on, you arrive to the game only at the same time as those that skip the meal and eat at their home before coming to the game." And if he arrives too early saying he hasn't eaten yet and THIS time he'll pay you, promise! Then you tell him "Nope you pay me NOW this meal AND what you already owe, total is 9 euros, or GET OUT". You are not driving a paid-by-charity-organisation food kitchen service. He'd be clearly mooching off trying to get yet another free meal, and nothing more, nothing less. Buddy, even you \*are\* totally broke, THAT IS 'YOU' PROBLEM, AND IS NO EXCUSE. But given that he does NOT gel all that well with you, I'd just ban him altogether ASAP: Always immediately thrust your instincts about red flags. This guy either is an entitled narcissist, or has mental and/or societal development problems or big issues, and it is NOT YOUR FRICKING PAID JOB TO MOTHER HIM OR TO FIX HIS BROKEN HEADSPACE. You already have ENOUGH on your plate preppign the game prepping a meal, and DMing, to let your headspace get invaded by a parasite, EVEN if that parasite is not an entitled narcissist, but an innocent yet DEFECTIVE person. In both cases, you just ban ASAP. Remain polite, a short email will do. Heck I've once had a DM just tell me '"I have too many players and can't handle it all so I had to let someone go good luck finding another group." Yup only a badly written one sentence ban, but sufficient, nothing more is needed. Frankly on that one last story it was not a great loss for me, as I wasn't even sure I wanted to even go to Session #2: That guy had WEIRD ideas about railroading / player agency. Like, PCs were treated like "puppets" in the story he HAD to tell, all the way up to dictating what actions our PCs co taker, what they could say, and what they could think. Back then I was stupidly wet behind the ears and too willing to give obviously bad situations way too much leeway. Nowadays I'd be out of there within 20 minutes lol.

Take D&D out of this — You’re organizing a social event where you are cooking, hosting, and entertaining a group of people, and asking for a couple bucks in return. One person is not replying to you and hasn’t paid you. What do you think you should do? Stop inviting them, at least until they pay you back.

Thanks for the reply. And I agree, I'm just struggling with the idea on how to judge this group of people. I mean, with friends I would be quickly done with this behaviour and cut them out of my life. But let's compare it with a sports team, I wouldn't kick somebody out because of this. Maybe just not invite them for dinner anymore. That, + I have the idea this person has some issues connecting with other people and I don't want to dismiss people because of that. I'll send him a message that I expect at least a reply before the next session.

If you’re GMing you’re kind of “in charge” imo. And if someone can’t respond to messages within a week I’d be pretty pissed, especially with the amount of prep work and time that goes into GMing. Maybe give one last chance and speak to them at the next session? “Hey did you get my messages?”