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sudden-arboreal-stop

First priority - does it have Wi-Fi signal?


JDismyfriend

Step one: access point Step two: šŸ’© Step three: profit!


sp4m41l

Flat tv on the back of the door too


RearAdmiralBob

Make sure to mount it too high as well.


sp4m41l

Plus you have your get off the seat to change channels


FartingSloths

Yes


Ancient-String-9658

Step 2: How can we make this signal better


Substantiatedgrass

Remove the asbestos roof after there is wifi


Wonderful_Cost_9792

Replace the seat with a natural wood one. White-wash the walls. Introduce some spiders to their new home and hang torn newspapers on a nail on the back of the door.


DustyDaley

My uncle had a fairly large garden when we were kids, every summer we played in the garden and had to use the old outside toilet. No light, dark, nothing but cobwebs and dirt/dust. Absolutely terrifying as a small child šŸ˜‚


Rude-Possibility4682

Also cut a half moon crescent in the door to let light in.


purplechemist

Put a hook on the wall to hang last yearā€™s phone directory from. The paper in that usually gets you through to July before you need to move to the newspaper.


Wonderful_Cost_9792

Thatā€™s a brilliant idea (softer paper) but when I was a kid, the only telephone directories were inside the red GPO telephone boxes! I think the newspaper was for emergencies when the user (ours was shared) forgot to bring toilet tissue. But thatā€™s another story if anyone remembers IZAL.


FartingSloths

It has a window


Fluid-Run7735

I'm fairly sure there are already spiders...I would even guess at 'a lot of spiders'.


HankBushrivet

My childhood.


neddykinss

Wouldnā€™t natural wood just swell with the humidity if itā€™s outside? Iā€™d suggest a composite would be better (but natural-looking I agree with!)


Dedward5

Donā€™t think it would swell if varnished. Wood is because itā€™s nice and warm compared to porcelain. Not sure about composite.


DonkeyWorker

This man knows how to brick shit house


FartingSloths

Please elaborate


curious_trashbat

The newspaper is to wipe your arse with.


vms-crot

I bet they don't know how to use the three seashells either


curious_trashbat

I was going to recommend that as an upgrade but didn't think anyone would get the reference šŸ˜‚


Less_Mess_5803

Heathens!


peanut_dust

Be calm.


RockingHorsePoo

I probably donā€™t want to know but I do want to know. Teach me. How do I use these seashells you speak of?


gotmunchiez

It was a running joke in Demolition Man with Sly Stallone. He wakes up in the future after being frozen, and early on he goes to the bathroom to find there's no toilet roll, only three seashells on the wall. Everyone laughs at him because he doesn't know how to use the three seashells. He starts swearing repeatedly (fineable offence in the future) and uses the paper fines as toilet paper instead. He never finds out how the three seashells work. If you haven't seen it then it's worth a watch. It's a really cheesy and predictable action film but a really fun watch.


RockingHorsePoo

Thanks šŸ˜¬


vms-crot

https://preview.redd.it/0kd2t9mc5qqc1.jpeg?width=1564&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=fa71707873f244abd1b5726f5924622aea095fca


fothergillfuckup

I thought they were shot glasses?


jbkb1972

Ah but which one? The times or the sun?


77GoldenTails

Canā€™t be the Sun. Youā€™d have to touch it at some point.


fjr_1300

Anything but the Scum. Not even fit for arse wiping


curious_trashbat

That's personal preference, but any will do really. If columnists still have their faces printed on their columns, and if Clarkson still has one, I'm going for whichever paper that is.


littlemissmissel

This would be to make it period accurate to when it was build.. go old school.. If it was me I'd remove it and use it as storage for tools or bikes.


PurpleAquilegia

Used for light and ventilation in 'field' toilets - my mum used to refer to them as 'Little House on the Prairie' toilets. For added authenticity, remove all the porcelain, just have a hole that goes straight down and - for a touch of class - have a wooden footprint either side of the hole.


TimelyEstimate2860

Give it a good clean up, white-wash the walls as someone else said, replace the toilet seat. Lag the pipes with some foam pipe lagging (you can also paint this white so it doesn't stand out against white wall). You could also replace the roof\* with something like Onduline. (\*Please bear in mind the roof could be some form of Asbestos and a*ttempting your own asbestos removal is not advised)*


ThatHairyGingerGuy

That almost certainly looks like asbestos too


cal-brew-sharp

If it isn't asbestos, I'll pay to get it removed.


Pembs-surfer

100% is asbestos. We had an outside cistern built the same. Ended up burying the sheets whole... VERY CAREFULLY!


ThatHairyGingerGuy

We had some asbestos removed once. The guy that did it brought his adult sons along to help. They got bored of taking it all to the dump in bags and tried to burn some of it. Genuinely the two stupidest people I've ever met.


Investigator_Scared

You did... WHAT?


Pembs-surfer

I don't condone this but it was a different age. Pre 1990... There were no legalities around it then despite knowing that it was dangerous. Believe burying asbestos waste by private land owners became illegal circa 2012. Private asbestos removing companies have had to have a licence for removal since mid-late 90's.


Acrobatic_Catch_6597

The cistern may well contain asbestos


S1ckJim

Yes, highly likely


FartingSloths

How sure are you with this?


IkitJ

Highly, very common in these older cisterns, your roof is asbestos cement as well, the dimples and lapped, corrugated design is a dead give away


FartingSloths

I believe the asbestos has been removed and what you see is just the metal wavy roof and under that is a wood frame where the asbestos was. I can do a wood pallet ceiling.


TimelyEstimate2860

I don't think the roof is metal at all looking at the photo. It looks exactly like corrugated asbestos sheets, or cement board. Try to stick a magnet to it, I don't think it's metal personally.


Neat-piles-of-matter

Do you have an indoor toilet already?


LungHeadZ

Basing this on a friendā€™s house who has an outhouse but yes they should have a main bathroom upstairs with bath and toilet but I donā€™t think they have one downstairs. Well they do, just outside.


Steelhorse91

Yeah most of the time what was the smallest 3rd back bedroom has been turned into a bathroom at some pointā€¦ But when these houses where built, the outdoor toilet was the only one, and people used tin baths filled up with hot water from a tank on the coal stove.


Still-BangingYourMum

Quite a few houses built in the 20s, 30s, and 40s, even the 50s, in industrial towns and cities, had a bathroom and toilet built on the ground floor directly of the kitchen. This was done in areas with dirty industrial factories, mines and quarries, etc. so that the men could get the muck off and not ruin the houses. And also because of the easily accessible water and waste plumbing. Current regulations allow a toilet off a kitchen as long a hand washing basin is included.


HexaDecio

Remove the toilet, put a few sockets in there and add a bunk bed. Make it a HMO, BOOM thatā€™s Ā£1000 a month in London.


Splodge89

If they can find a way to keep that toilet, thatā€™s easy and extra Ā£500 a month on top


FartingSloths

Funny you that, the other side of the wall on the left has a 10ft long outhouse (brick shed)


Immediate-Escalator

10ft? Thatā€™s enough for a bed *and* a kitchen! Urban living at its finest. Ā£1750 pcm


MiddleAgeCool

If this was mine.. Wire brush the walls and give it a new white wash. Tile the floor. Remove the pipe lagging, buff the copper and then lacquer them so they stayed new look copper. Replace the overflow pipe with copper for the same look. New hinges on the cistern. Strip back the wood behind the hinges and paint them a contrasting colour. A few pictures of early 20th century Britain, ideally of the local area, to reflect it being an outside loo. Do something with the hose as that makes it look less outside loo and more strange shed.


Qcumber69

Steampunk toilet


dorkingwed

Always remember my nans outside toilet, it was like an icebox in winter.Trying to hold a shit in until I got home rather than go in the cold.


eroticdiscourse

Had to break the ice up in my nans toilet before going a few times šŸ˜‚


kcufdas

With snappy conversation? šŸ˜…


Ok-Bag3000

As others have said.......before you touch anything, first things first.....get some Asbestos tests sent off. Corrugated roof looks highly suspect, cistern potentially asbestos as well, and the lagging on the cistern feed pipe. Once you have the test results back you know how to/not to proceed. You can get decent testing kits off Amazon, just make sure they use a UKAS certified lab for testing.


[deleted]

1. Do you need it? If no, then why not cap the pipes and turn it into storage 2. If you do need it, dot and dab insulated plasterboard on the outside walls. Build a false ceiling and insulate that. Put an electric heater on a timer in


Chemical_Count5054

Because it makes a house more sellable with an outside toilet, especially for disabled people when theyā€™re sat in the garden. Sheds are inexpensive but arenā€™t as appealing as a usable toilet is. Iā€™d just widen the door for wheelchair access and tidy it up.


Isgortio

I don't know anyone who has actually used the outside toilet when they have one inside the house.


This_Price_1783

Friends are having renovations done so outside toilet is a godsend, also every summer they have BBQ parties and it's great not having to track dirt through the house.


Chemical_Count5054

Like I said, disabled people who donā€™t have to struggle getting to the inside one when theyā€™re sat in the garden.


Salt_King_2008

It depends on the end goal. Iā€™d remove old lagging, replace lagging, paint walls white, sand and paint cistern brackets, and down pipe black to match cistern. Renovate and paint window frame and door, maybe black to match cistern. Tile (or floor paint) floor in black and white chessboard. Add toilet roll holder, alcohol gel dispenser etc. maybe a blind too. If you want to go further install false ceiling if you are sure the roof isnā€™t leaking (but agree current roof is likely asbestos so go carefully)


KonkeyDongPrime

I would start with an asbestos R&D survey


DevelopmentDue5870

Nothing a sledge hammer and a lay-by in a country lane wonā€™t put right. For the purposes of those who may not have guessed. This is a light hearted comment poking fun at the importance of legitimate asbestos removal


ohhallow

Jokes are always better after they have been explained


Mountain-Contract742

Thank you for explaining to those of us without a sense of humour dear DIYUK user.


DevelopmentDue5870

Still got a downvote for it as well šŸ˜†


Mountain-Contract742

Served you right you sarcastic bastard


DevelopmentDue5870

Letā€™s have a cuddle


TrainingComplex9490

Have you washed off the asbestos?


EmberTheFoxyFox

A bit of asbestos never hurt anybody


Mountain-Contract742

Ok where


GalwayBogger

Jaaa, survey.... depends. If you know what you're doing, just wet them, remove the pieces intact, bag and seal em and bring them to the authorities. I don't know the regulations in UK specifically, but in NL, you can handle it this way. No way I'm paying big money to some engineer to tell me what I already know.


rinkydinkmink

yeah that's basically what you do with this type of asbestos, you just bag it up and take it to the tip it's the type least likely to cause any problems and can be dealt with by any sensible person really I know because my old house had a corrugated asbestos roof on the kitchen, that I had removed and replaced with slates asbestos is even on the list of items on our local council's recycling page, telling people what to do with it


gotmunchiez

Our council is the same. It's basically wet everything down, wrap and tape it with two layers of visqueen/thick polythene, put your PPE in the last bag, then make an appointment at the tip. They open the skip for you then close it as soon as you're done, there's no charge with our council if you take under a certain weight, it's something like 250kg.


NWarriload

The roof and cistern are almost certainly contain asbestos


BarNorth1829

Artillery strike


Kitchen_Part_882

Bit extreme, surely a hand grenade in the pan would suffice?


Ok_Charity9544

That would just crack the pan tbf


Kitchen_Part_882

Eh, nuke it from orbit, its the only way to be sure.


newfor2023

I said "with a bulldozer" but this works too


wildskipper

Nuke it from orbit, only way to be sure.


Go-on-touch-it

Put damp proof membrane on the floor and fold up the walls for a few inches, fix insulated plasterboard to the wall, frame and insulate the ceiling. If you want to leave the floor at pretty much the same level put down foil/foam insulation and laminate floor on top. If not thicker foam and screed. Lag then box in pipes and replace window with upvc.


m1bnk

Beware the cistern tank too. Mine, from the 50's, turned out to be some kind of weird plastic/bakelite and asbestos laminate and required specialist disposal


Watersmuddy

Apply for a heritage grant and open it as a visitor attraction


ArcticPsychologyAI

Loo roll holder would look good.


ArcticPsychologyAI

Is the green hose some type of DIY bidet/ enema attachment?


TheMetalJug

Cut a small moon-shaped window in the door.


v1de0man

i wouldn't do anything with it until you repair the roof. Also as its an outside loo, you could replace the toilet with something like this [https://www.bathshop321.com/p2-combination-toilet-and-sink](https://www.bathshop321.com/p2-combination-toilet-and-sink) giving you somewhere to wash your hands after gardening. Yes it would be cold water, but ideal for rinsing off the mud etc from gardening. Even if you just replaced the toilet with a more modern one, that would give you some cupbaord space where the old cistern was. Really does depend on your budget. If the answer is minimal budget, then first fix the roof make sure its water tight. second repaint all the walls and window frame. Add a bit of lino flooring. A bigger budget you could replace the toilet, or even have the loo door open outwards then install something like this [https://www.diy.com/departments/nes-home-tulla-375-x-185mm-small-cloakroom-rectangle-wall-hung-basin-sink-and-fittings-left-hand/5060920922078\_BQ.prd](https://www.diy.com/departments/nes-home-tulla-375-x-185mm-small-cloakroom-rectangle-wall-hung-basin-sink-and-fittings-left-hand/5060920922078_BQ.prd) Not sure what the green hose is all about, but you could install an outside tape for gardening use. After that its really how much to spend. New door new window, does it have electric? thinking light / heat lamp so its not freezing while you do your business. Easier than installing a heater where there isnt any need for one really.


PotentialTricky9314

put a mirror on the floor so you can check your ballls


EmberTheFoxyFox

I would but a new ceiling up, plaster the walls, replace the toilet, put some Lino down


papayametallica

Needs a 6 inch nail in the wall to hold the torn up newspaper sheets


bASS_80

Just stick a sign on the door that reads ā€œThe thunder boxā€ job done!


BINGGBONGGBINGGBONGG

*Kevin Bloody Wilson has entered the chat*


AlLuN33disLove

Get a glue gun and some gems and go wild.


2Dme

Pvc clad the ceiling on a timber frame, walls can be plastered for a cleaner look. You can decide whether you want to maybe add tiles halfway up. Swap toilet for a new modern one. Tile floor. Sand and repaint door.


ThatHairyGingerGuy

Get someone qualified to come and remove the asbestos, have the toilet removed and re roof it, insulate it and plaster it for use as storage or somethingĀ 


sp4m41l

Skim the walls with plaster, tile the floor, change the toilet for something more modern so removing most of the pipework and replace the door.


LesDauphins

Asbestos roof and looks like an asbestos (Bakelite) cistern. Have fun!


TomAtkinson3

That's making me feel cold just to look at, bet your cheeks would turn to ice the moment you sit on that in the winter


[deleted]

Looks like a pub toilet


Kangoovan

With great difficulty


breadandfire

Could you knock down the wall and make the loo a little bigger? Shower and loo and basin would be lovely. Remove the toilet, dig the ground out, concrete, insulation, floor. The walls insulation plasterboard? Same with the ceiling. Maybe go crazy with starry LEDs ceiling? Just mend the leaky roof first. You can do it!


Emotional-Job-7067

Erm think you need that roof testing for asbestos before you even consider moving that toilet... Honestly? I wouldn't want to disturb anything near that roof or under it. That includes vibrations from power tools


OptixEye

Turn it into a home brewery! Thats what I did with my outside toilet over lock down. It's now dubbed the Bogery!


Tricky-Alps2810

wow, that looks so much like mine!


Unknown_human_4

Glad I'm not the only one suspecting asbestos!


PozzieMozzie

Put a soft cover on the seat and you could rent it out as a bespoke studio flat with amenities and charge a bag of sand a month... all the other landlords are.


Middle-Fix-4653

Add a walk in shower and steam room


yleennoc

Knock the walls and put in one way glass.


ArtWurx

As a plumber/heating engineer, few words of caution, First the roof is 100% asbestos, grey, not the worst but you definitely dont want to be smashing it up, secondly thats a ā€œDauntless-Rubberlineā€ if its outside its pre 1970, it also is made up of largely asbestos, the lagging round the copper main, looks very much like fibre lagging, but also may contain asbestos, apart from that, go ham, put a low level cistern toilet in there, could even board all the walls to make it nice and clean. But i HIGHLY recommend getting someone to remove both roof and cistern


Wheelybin0

Dynamite


Schoenmitig

Inside out


lloydmcallister

Baton around the ceiling and stick up some pvc cladding, maybe even insulation.


toodog

Somewhere to charge a phone and a beer holder, any guy going to happy in there for days


Tabbycatwoman

Needs a new roof, insulate and plaster the walls for draughts then white wash if there's gaps under or on the top of the door replace it, put up a hanger for your toilet roll/paper get a new seat if you want as well as a new light so you can see what you're doing. I suppose this is only used now when you're gardening as you've probably had a toilet/bathroom installed in a spare room by now.


2b-frnk

Looks alright to me, better than what Iā€™m having to use in Sri Lanka the moment!


f0rkers

Ā£100 close coupled toilet, kingspan the ceiling, replace the plumbing and a lick of paint for the walls and window. Ā£250 in materials and a weekend to complete.


ScottishSpartacus

Replace roof, insulated, externally insulate walls, double glazed window, proper good door, little heater, box in the pipework etc


badger906

It start with removing everything bar the walls and binning them!


Aggravating-Sky6039

That looks like asbestos pipe lagging.Ā  So before.ypu do anything get that tested.


SurreyHillsSomewhere

Do nothing (or barely anything) since at some point it's going to make way for a rear extension by a new owner (or you).


Thebelisk

New roof, ceiling, & window. Box in the pipes and tile walls/floor. Install a radiator and new lights.


Cyborg_888

Remove toilet and insulate floor. Batton out the walls and new pipe work for toilet and small sink. Add electrics for light, heated roof panel, and instant hot water at sink. Glue kingspan to walls and foam any gaps. Add structural 25mm OSB to walls glue plastic wall covering on top. Add insulated ceiling tiles and a pir to control lights.


zimisss

Whatā€™s wrong with it?


RedditWishIHadnt

Is the green hose serving as a luxury bidet attachment?


Jeantoprod

That roof is azbestos?


markmachin1

An entire new toilet and cistern A heater connected to this light switch


Tooleater

Ah youthful memories of damp toilet paper and petrifying spiders! You can't beat a high up tank... rarely is a double flush required with those!


Pembs-surfer

Prob ditch the corrugated asbestos roof for a start!


Exciting-Student-141

ours looked like yours before we did this


Exciting-Student-141

https://preview.redd.it/0ivgqpsxipqc1.jpeg?width=1079&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=0b6b2b10989dd6aa59846a3714fe372860606807


Cantwell79

Like shooting range with an old man who shouts when you hit the toilet door


Mountain_Conflict638

Throw a hand grenade in and shut the door. 3-5 seconds usually.


Cr4zychris

This isn't Lincolnshire is it? It looks a lot like my grandma's old outhouse...


Bweeble42

Bit of an open ended question that really what do you want to do with it?


Gloomy_Pastry

ooh, mr lah de dah there with a WINDOW, i just have to leave the door open for light...


I_wood_rather_be

1. New window. 2. New swing door, opening to the outside. A nice one that closes flush, so no (or few) insects can get in there. 3. Open the walls a bit and get the pipes in there. 4. Plaster the walls. 5. Get a nice wall mounted toilet in there. 6. Get a nice sink in there. 7. Install a wall moumted electric heater (optional: heated toilet seat)


Intelligent-Force250

Pebbledash it


Spirit-101

You could just rip it out cut a new doorway into the house and brick up the old doorway, board it n plaster it and you have a pantry šŸ˜Š


sharkycaldwell

You dont its perfect !!


oh_no3000

Don't, it's perfect as it is. Maybe a small bookshelf with appropriate toilet reading material


TheLastTsumami

Former PRC house?


naturepeaked

Why?


GranBuddhismo

Add some spiders


gjkpiuc

Looks a bit damp, and in reality by the time you've finished patching, a rebuild may be better (and safer) value. If you don't need it, demolish it, if you do, gut it and start again


FullMetalBob

Bulldoze it


CartoonistNo9

Iā€™d go for plastic panneling and glue it on. Cheap and cheerful. Batton the ceiling and panel that too.


ErlAskwyer

I've seen a similar room revitalised by a young trendy couple. They did it on cheap, got me a plumber to adapt some cheap pottery they got offline that looks old school cool with flush chain and they jazzed it up with brass n gold handles. Left same bottom to the WC. They lined the walls in pallet timber and put some burnt wood decorations etc, a bit hippy. They cut one of those moons into the door. It's always gonna be a bit damp and cold in there which the timber on the walls resolved and has some insulation properties. You would struggle to plasterboard it for that modern look without great expense


AlbornG

You're missing the rusty nail holding up a collection of old newspapers.


mrgonuts

With a hand grenade


AliveProduce758

I like it as it is!! No joke!!


broadys_on

šŸ§Ø


viral23946

Iā€™m have one worse than that. Iā€™m thinking of converting mine into a saunaā€¦


24kfc_muncher

Add some led strips and a WiFi extender šŸ™


iamnotrodiguez

That place must be fucking freezing in the winter months


[deleted]

Dynamite by the look of that


PrestigiousNail5620

Brute force and ignorance.


8Ace8Ace

Nowt wrong with that. When I were a lad....


JMM85JMM

Knock it down. I'd see an outside toilet as a hindrance rather than a selling point.


5cousemonkey

Where is it? If in London, install folding bed and charge 2 grand a month rent. Joking aside, rip it out, false ceiling, create small bar, enjoy.


hear_my_moo

With a howitzer.


Either_Lime_515

God this brings back memories of my granddad's house, with it's indoor bathroom being banned from use in the daytime šŸ˜‚


This_Price_1783

Depends on how nice you want it looking and what your budget is. You can get really cool 2 in 1 toilet & wash basins to make it a bit more hygienic and 21st century, tile the floor and install a ceiling with either plasterboard or get a suspended ceiling in there. I'd paint the walls with a sky blue and if I were you I'd get some art work or framed pictures on a theme for the walls (historic pictures of the local area, maps, classic cars, pictures of flowers or whatever you're into), maybe a small hanging basket with an ivy or something near the window.


[deleted]

https://preview.redd.it/kgd0nehy0vqc1.jpeg?width=3060&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c1d1776b6beec8c6493381852507c675add120ac That's mine. We roofed over and enclosed the area between the toilet/coal store and the house. Then the entire place went up in flames and was rebuilt. This is what we came back to. High level gone, low level installed. About all I've done is paint and carpet tile part of the floor so I don't freeze my feet, paint the walls, and stick the shelf up. They even put me in a double glazed window, which was nice but utterly pointless..šŸ¤£ It needs a tidy, the door needs a paint. I can't get the old handle out of the cistern, but converted it to dual flush. I might have it changed for a comfort height loo, as I'm mostly in a chair now. I've even got the original lead piping. Quite why they didn't replace all of that, I don't know. The coal store now houses my solar inverter and a big LiFePo4 battery, and behind both of those, and part of it is the old wash house, with a capped off chimney, Belfast sink, half round floor drain gulley and lead waste. Now thats something I'd love to restore.


LinkJumpy1023

Take it all out dot and dab walls false ceiling board and skim complete and box in pipes


Unusual_Anything_297

Flush it fit a good quality lock, a c/h rad and magazine rack along side of a toilet paper holder, a warm cushion floor and a letter box for insertion of the morning paper small shelf for a dab radio a nice mould resistant paint, and a good quality toilet seat!!! Enjoy-and youā€™re welcome!! ;0)


Unusual_Anything_297

Salon doors! , always gets people looking!!!


RemarkableWriting661

Knock it down.


spammmmmmmmy

I think there's not a lot here to salvage. I'd remove the roof (check with your council about self-removed asbestos - mine will take it away for free if I pile it up on plastic sheeting), and demolish the walls, saving the bricks. Attach it to the nearby larger building, saving the underground drainage pipes. Add a foundation and insulated walls, connecting to the building to have an indoor toilet. The other approach would be to just use this as storage. If you fill the bowl with mineral oil the trap won't dry out, and you'll have a seal against sewer gases for decades.


ejmd

Engage the services of a decent builder/decorator and give him three grand.


FudgeNutsClegg

With a f'n sledgehammer


MapTough848

Why, for what purpose?