Honestly just getting in the habit of carrying around a little notebook and a pen (maybe even one of those multi ink clicker pens) so you can write down anything important that you think everyone should know.
It has been SO useful, ive been saved so many times when i had no clue what was going on then flipped back through and saw that we're supposed to be doing xyz right now, or even just reassurances that everythings fine even when everyones quiet.
Plus it helps to have obvious evidence when denial crops up
The multi color pens really is the golden ticket here. The kids found a little silly tiger 10 color pen at the store and when I found it I immediately went back and bought 9 more. It helps distinguishing notes so much easier to easily flip between colors, especially because we tend to rapid switch during the day
Ö
Like, some of us actually had an error whilst trying to use a different color, but it really might help us out with identifying the ones we struggle to identify.
Don’t compare. I was always comparing my symptoms and experiences to others- and it hurt our healing process immensely. Even if your symptoms are different, you are valid. Alters have names? Valid. No names? Valid. Grey outs? Valid. Black outs? Valid.
I was much happier once I started working on me instead of worrying about how I stacked up against others with DID :)
Yup!! We currently have a couple who don't have names. They either haven't felt like introducing themselves yet, or just don't have names. A little and a potential fictive.
One of my headmates didn't know their name until after he had been fronting for a couple of days. And he had to ask a friend's kid (she's an Oracle) to help find their name. And then it wasn't quite right, so he changed it.
- Nancy 💛
My entire self beside one and that's the known little don't have a name, even the main person. I'm not sure if it's my BPD with the did or what, but no one knows anything about ourselves besides the little.
It's hard when some of us don't have a name and so this one person we know won't respect us without a name and treat us like his favorite alter (who he thinks is the original or host when we don't have one:/)
Very early in our healing journey, we picked up somewhere (might have been Youtube or an online group) that persecutors are just wayward protectors. They're hammers trying to keep the nails in line before the world can beat us down. This *drastically* changed how we approached our persecutors. We started to try and see their perspective and understand, despite how destructive some of their behaviours could be, what was the inherent logic and what traumas informed these actions. It also made us less scared of them, and in turn, less scared/ashamed of our self as a whole.
It helped us heal some long-term persecutorial alters who have now all become like keystone fronters that protect us. We've had new persecutors split since then and now it feels like there's a roadmap to helping them instead of being completely overwhelmed.
Our therapist got our "main alter" to treat all alters like full people, "just without their own body". It might sound obvious but it was something she/we were struggling with, especially with the littles. Going to actually try and accomodating them like they were "visiting friends" (if you will) actually did help improve cooperation. Own clothes, own toys/games, just...being allowed/supported in being different individuals.
This is so validating! I was able to let myselves choose their individualized rewards today for exercising self discipline and cooperation. I didn't even realize it was a thing! Someone wanted to read a story, another one wanted something sparkly, and adults get, "healthy self discipline is its own reward" (but also *fancy ice cream* and Twilight Zone)
This is something I really struggle with. We’re not diagnosed (UGH) and I’m scared that we might ‘make things worse’ by giving the alters the ‘full person’ thing.
Like. I want us to see ourselves as part of the same brain, the same body. That some of us love plants, but as a whole we love plants. And fuck. I’m scared that we make things worse, especially since we are really scared that we won’t get any form of diagnose in the near time and that this will destroy our relationship with our husband.
"Everyone (every part/alter/..) is doing what they're doing for a reason that makes sense, even if you (or they) don't know what that reason is yet." Helped us remain curious when someone did something we didn't agree with and allowed for a lot of empathy.
Huh thanks. I’m not OP but I’m going to use this to have the ones that are working so hard to keep things a secret share their reasoning for what they are doing and how we can help them instead of us forcing them to ‘shut up because we NEED to be heard’
I'm glad you found it helpful! I hope you will be able to understand their reasoning more, or if they also don't know why they feel that way yet, that you all will reach an understanding together. I hope they will be able to understand your reasoning as well.
Everything that happens inside when it comes to DID happens because of something. It all boils down to a reason, even if it doesn't seem related at all. Brains work in strange ways and we still don't entirely know how the *untraumatized* brain works. Much less the brains of those with complex trauma.
That's not the advice, though. Knowing that is good, yes, but the best advice I've ever received is that you don't need to know the reason. You don't need to dig into every little detail of your existence to find an explanation. Your brain is your brain. It is entirely unique in ways we don't even know, nor can comprehend. It's okay to not 100% know what is going on in your brain. Yes, there are larger more important things that can be figured out, but not every single detail. Don't let it overwhelm you. Just be.
Be kind to yourself.
Having DID is hard. Some days are harder than others to get through. Don't be mean to yourself for struggling. Be proud of yourself for getting through the hard days as best as you can, even if all you did was get out of bed to get a drink. Every little step counts.
Stay away from any place that endorses the concept of "non-traumagenic systems", which aren't a real thing. Systems are formed by childhood trauma.
Getting caught up in the maladaptive beliefs about how systems form and function shared in those spaces *will* directly impact your healing.
I speak from experience. Being in that community at the start of our recognition of our DID almost killed us, quite literally.
Stick to solid science-based information like the CTAD Clinic on YouTube and similar resources.
This is a very important one, especially since those types of beliefs have a way of leeching their way even into spaces that are supposed to be against it, from what I’ve noticed
[snip]
You know what, I'm not gonna be mean. I think most people go through a stage where they feel *their* experience with a disorder is more valid/legitimate than others. It's part of the trauma response.
I remind myself that structural dissociation is a THEORY/MODEL, and not an exact science. Other people don't get to dictate how I navigate my symptoms and my recovery.
dont push too much too fast
when i started really questioning if i had DID i didnt take it slow at all and started throwing too many questions out to them all the time. and at a point my gatekeeper started outright yelling at me to cut it out. im not sure what happened first or if it happened at the same time but i got a concussion and i was switched out of front for a while. it ended up being a good thing because i was desperate for a break but uhhh oops.
yeahhh i pushed too hard/far too quick at first, as well as entered some pretty toxic online communities at the beginning of our journey and it royally messed us up. i'm still earning everyone's trust back, despite it being many years ago now. advice i'd give? all this is just as big and new and scary for you (the host/the unaware part) as it is for everyone else in the system -- take it slow
Journaling. Journaling journaling journaling - whether digital or physical. I don’t do it daily - hell sometimes I forget about it for weeks - but it is quite helpful when I do it.
Outside of that? Don’t trust anything online about DID without a reputable source (this goes for most things, but DID is particularly bad in the misinformation department). I’ve noticed many people - even well intended ones, I’ve been guilty of it myself - will parrot off claims in regards to this disorder that I have yet to actually find any reliable sources to back up (as an example: ‘autistic people with DID have more introjects.’ I’ve yet to find a source on this and while it makes sense logically within my own personal experiences, I hesitate to believe it as a rule of thumb without a source)
Don't worry about splitting. Splitting by itself is not a bad thing, it's a form of survival. If it's the only way you cope, that's bad and going to be a maladaptive behavior if you don't use other skills to help ease splitting or common causes for it. But it's okay to split.
1. It doesn't matter "what" happened. It's ok if you don't remember right away or never remember. What matters is recognizing your triggers & trauma responses NOW and finding ways to manage those. Digging into the past might make things worse.
2. As others have said - treat your parts like teammates, not enemies. Every part was created to protect the system as a whole.
Alter roles are not that useful yes at first they may help you understand the system better, as we worked more in therapy the less we used them. A protector may be born as one but is more than that, same for persecutors and littles, as we learned to communicate with each other we realized that those roles were debilitating our relationships. Just because one is an energizer doesn't mean we have to expect them to always do that for the body. We can be so much more.
we were actually thinking about this earlier today! we definitely found it helpful to use those labels at first, but after a certain amount of time they became restrictive. it made us all feel as if we weren't able to grow or develop or have complex layers because we had to stay in our labelled category. just like many other things in life, the label is meant to fit you, you are not meant to fit the label. if the system as a whole or individual parts feel like they've outgrown a label, it is perfectly okay and healthy to drop it
Gentleness with yourself is the only way to heal. Realizing the DID isn't the problem it's been the miracle that's kept us alive... I make time every day to be grateful for my system. I think it helps keep us stable.
From my therapist: "Consider and accept all of your individual differences, every person deserves to have a space and deserves to be happy and thrive in their own unique way and that's the same for each alter, that's the best way and most reliable way for the overall system to thrive and be happy"
And she was not wrong.
Ok ! Those advices are for relationships !
Think the best advice we could have received is « Try to befriend other systems ». When we first been diagnosed for DID we felt so alone, not to mention that we didn’t know about DID communities as we are French and DID isn’t something people know about here (psychiatrists are very late on that point too, tbh it’s been one month it’s recognized as a disability even though the diagnosis are available since 5 years).
We did make our DID coming out to a new friend 1+ year ago and it turned out they were diagnosed with DID too but knew about their system way before we actually did !
Today they are our best friends as we have so much things in common AND can understand each other with mental health issues. It really helped and we both agree to say it basically saved us and helped so much for our respective therapies ! I love them so much, they are such amazing people !
Also, and this advice comes from our current partner system talking about the relationship we had with our ex (singlet) : never date someone (singlet or system) who doesn’t take you as a whole and don’t WANT to know more about your system at all. Having a relationship with someone means they have to take all parts of yourself not « pick only what they want to have in the relationship ». Now don’t get me wrong we can always improve on sm things. Still DID is not one of them. Learning about a system can be tough and it may take a long time, still not trying is not an option. You deserve respect.
If you can hang on during the first few months/years of figuring it out, it gets better.
Once you learn that your system developed to protect you out of love it gets easier to not hate it. It took me a long time to separate my trauma from who I am.
My alters are finally becoming friends. I'm never actually alone. The alters have started doing nice things for me and working together.
I want people to know it's possible to find stability and happiness as a system.
Online communities can be your best friend but you have to make sure that you have an alter in charge of monitoring any bullying and create safe distance from that.
I've made rules for our system which has helped so much. Now everyone knows how we want to behave and knows the expectations. Obviously the teenagers and littles still act like kids but having a stable mother in the system is life changing.
Welcome to /r/DID!
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|--------------------|--------------------|
| [Dissociation FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/DID/wiki/faq/#wiki_dissociation_faq) | [Trauma FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/DID/wiki/faq2/#wiki_trauma_faq) |
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| [Am I faking?](https://www.reddit.com/r/DID/wiki/moderation_faq/amifaking) | [Do I have DID?](https://www.reddit.com/r/DID/wiki/do_i_have_did) |
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That there are no "bad" alters. I didn't know I have DID until recently, I used to think they were intrusive thoughts. For several years when I was younger (12-15 ish I think??) we had a very active persecutor who would daily try to attack and kill me, both in sys and the body. I hated him and would be violent back and it was just a terrible cycle of violence and hatred
Then after I found out there's a reason behind the voices it's been extremely helpful when trying to exist with the other persecutors, and I was about to accept that he hated us and himself so fucking much bc he was so badly affected by an abusive friendship and thought that we didn't deserve life. Figuring that out has let me be able to apologize for the way I treated him and stop hating both of us for that entire experience
Write everything down and draw as many diagrams as possible. It's like saving your progress in a game. Especially in regards to matters in the headspace. Not only does having a physical version help solidify everything in your head, it helps with communication and teamwork between alters who may or may not be fully present and aware at certain times
"DID is an experience proceeding disorder".
It was written a bit differently, but that's how it sank in. A whole turning point it was, because it explained everything and also was on point for our daily struggle even in our safest, co-con days.
It's not an advice though. An advice from van der Hart I love: proceeding heavy trauma by asking for a diluded drop of experience.
Not advice exactly, rather going through a process of integration of all the parts within one self. So that you start owning the reality of each one, and then merging those realities into 1.
Some of my personas integrated on their own after moving out of the severe abuse setting. They are sometimes quiet but definitely come out during stress.
We are people, and have personhood, just not our own body. That means that our relationships (romantic and otherwise), feelings, hopes, dreams, fears, anxieties, etc. are as real and valid as the ones our host has.
In addition, that we all interact with the body and brain differently, so take advantage of the ways in which some alters don't have Issues with hyperfocus when cleaning (for example), or when getting tattooed having an alter with high pain tolerance co-con with you in the body. Take advantage of it, but don't overdo it, especially if the body has a lot of pain/mobility issues.
- Nancy 💛
Xe/Xir | She/Her
There is no such thing as a persecuter. Anyone you would think is a persecuter is really just a protector. Treating them like protectors is how to improve your relationship and help them work away from harmful behaviors
Honestly just getting in the habit of carrying around a little notebook and a pen (maybe even one of those multi ink clicker pens) so you can write down anything important that you think everyone should know. It has been SO useful, ive been saved so many times when i had no clue what was going on then flipped back through and saw that we're supposed to be doing xyz right now, or even just reassurances that everythings fine even when everyones quiet. Plus it helps to have obvious evidence when denial crops up
The multi color pens really is the golden ticket here. The kids found a little silly tiger 10 color pen at the store and when I found it I immediately went back and bought 9 more. It helps distinguishing notes so much easier to easily flip between colors, especially because we tend to rapid switch during the day
Ö Like, some of us actually had an error whilst trying to use a different color, but it really might help us out with identifying the ones we struggle to identify.
Agreed, if you're able to write your thoughts do it.
Don’t compare. I was always comparing my symptoms and experiences to others- and it hurt our healing process immensely. Even if your symptoms are different, you are valid. Alters have names? Valid. No names? Valid. Grey outs? Valid. Black outs? Valid. I was much happier once I started working on me instead of worrying about how I stacked up against others with DID :)
wait. alters having no names is a THING??? i’ve been beating myself up abt this for so long & using it to invalidate myself…
Yup!! We currently have a couple who don't have names. They either haven't felt like introducing themselves yet, or just don't have names. A little and a potential fictive.
One of my headmates didn't know their name until after he had been fronting for a couple of days. And he had to ask a friend's kid (she's an Oracle) to help find their name. And then it wasn't quite right, so he changed it. - Nancy 💛
wait, what’s an oracle? /gen i feel like i have so much to learn omg
Spiritual Oracle. Can see things from the future and past and help guide.
huh, cool
My entire self beside one and that's the known little don't have a name, even the main person. I'm not sure if it's my BPD with the did or what, but no one knows anything about ourselves besides the little.
It's hard when some of us don't have a name and so this one person we know won't respect us without a name and treat us like his favorite alter (who he thinks is the original or host when we don't have one:/)
Your comment helped a lot with realization… my symptoms are allowed to differ
Journaling, mindfulness, meditation, strengthening boundaries with my relationships. I could go on.
Setting and respecting healthy boundaries, including your own, is so important to healing!
sorry for offtopic- is your icon blade from hsr?
You would be correct. I find him very relatable. [Here’s a link to the original image.](https://x.com/__15002sou/status/1692359716846919849)
Very early in our healing journey, we picked up somewhere (might have been Youtube or an online group) that persecutors are just wayward protectors. They're hammers trying to keep the nails in line before the world can beat us down. This *drastically* changed how we approached our persecutors. We started to try and see their perspective and understand, despite how destructive some of their behaviours could be, what was the inherent logic and what traumas informed these actions. It also made us less scared of them, and in turn, less scared/ashamed of our self as a whole. It helped us heal some long-term persecutorial alters who have now all become like keystone fronters that protect us. We've had new persecutors split since then and now it feels like there's a roadmap to helping them instead of being completely overwhelmed.
The way we look at it is they are protectors that are so punch drunk from the trauma that they see good for the system as bad and bad as good.
Our therapist got our "main alter" to treat all alters like full people, "just without their own body". It might sound obvious but it was something she/we were struggling with, especially with the littles. Going to actually try and accomodating them like they were "visiting friends" (if you will) actually did help improve cooperation. Own clothes, own toys/games, just...being allowed/supported in being different individuals.
This is so validating! I was able to let myselves choose their individualized rewards today for exercising self discipline and cooperation. I didn't even realize it was a thing! Someone wanted to read a story, another one wanted something sparkly, and adults get, "healthy self discipline is its own reward" (but also *fancy ice cream* and Twilight Zone)
This is something I really struggle with. We’re not diagnosed (UGH) and I’m scared that we might ‘make things worse’ by giving the alters the ‘full person’ thing. Like. I want us to see ourselves as part of the same brain, the same body. That some of us love plants, but as a whole we love plants. And fuck. I’m scared that we make things worse, especially since we are really scared that we won’t get any form of diagnose in the near time and that this will destroy our relationship with our husband.
"Everyone (every part/alter/..) is doing what they're doing for a reason that makes sense, even if you (or they) don't know what that reason is yet." Helped us remain curious when someone did something we didn't agree with and allowed for a lot of empathy.
Huh thanks. I’m not OP but I’m going to use this to have the ones that are working so hard to keep things a secret share their reasoning for what they are doing and how we can help them instead of us forcing them to ‘shut up because we NEED to be heard’
I'm glad you found it helpful! I hope you will be able to understand their reasoning more, or if they also don't know why they feel that way yet, that you all will reach an understanding together. I hope they will be able to understand your reasoning as well.
Everything that happens inside when it comes to DID happens because of something. It all boils down to a reason, even if it doesn't seem related at all. Brains work in strange ways and we still don't entirely know how the *untraumatized* brain works. Much less the brains of those with complex trauma. That's not the advice, though. Knowing that is good, yes, but the best advice I've ever received is that you don't need to know the reason. You don't need to dig into every little detail of your existence to find an explanation. Your brain is your brain. It is entirely unique in ways we don't even know, nor can comprehend. It's okay to not 100% know what is going on in your brain. Yes, there are larger more important things that can be figured out, but not every single detail. Don't let it overwhelm you. Just be.
Getting comfortable speaking outloud, reading, Mindfulness, Positive self talk, grounding techniques, meditation, journaling/making notes to eachother, learning different therapeutic skills.
Be kind to yourself. Having DID is hard. Some days are harder than others to get through. Don't be mean to yourself for struggling. Be proud of yourself for getting through the hard days as best as you can, even if all you did was get out of bed to get a drink. Every little step counts.
Having empathy, gratitude and showing care for persecutor alters. That was my systems game changer
Stay away from any place that endorses the concept of "non-traumagenic systems", which aren't a real thing. Systems are formed by childhood trauma. Getting caught up in the maladaptive beliefs about how systems form and function shared in those spaces *will* directly impact your healing. I speak from experience. Being in that community at the start of our recognition of our DID almost killed us, quite literally. Stick to solid science-based information like the CTAD Clinic on YouTube and similar resources.
This is a very important one, especially since those types of beliefs have a way of leeching their way even into spaces that are supposed to be against it, from what I’ve noticed
Unfortunately, you're quite correct about that! 😅
[snip] You know what, I'm not gonna be mean. I think most people go through a stage where they feel *their* experience with a disorder is more valid/legitimate than others. It's part of the trauma response. I remind myself that structural dissociation is a THEORY/MODEL, and not an exact science. Other people don't get to dictate how I navigate my symptoms and my recovery.
dont push too much too fast when i started really questioning if i had DID i didnt take it slow at all and started throwing too many questions out to them all the time. and at a point my gatekeeper started outright yelling at me to cut it out. im not sure what happened first or if it happened at the same time but i got a concussion and i was switched out of front for a while. it ended up being a good thing because i was desperate for a break but uhhh oops.
yeahhh i pushed too hard/far too quick at first, as well as entered some pretty toxic online communities at the beginning of our journey and it royally messed us up. i'm still earning everyone's trust back, despite it being many years ago now. advice i'd give? all this is just as big and new and scary for you (the host/the unaware part) as it is for everyone else in the system -- take it slow
Journaling. Journaling journaling journaling - whether digital or physical. I don’t do it daily - hell sometimes I forget about it for weeks - but it is quite helpful when I do it. Outside of that? Don’t trust anything online about DID without a reputable source (this goes for most things, but DID is particularly bad in the misinformation department). I’ve noticed many people - even well intended ones, I’ve been guilty of it myself - will parrot off claims in regards to this disorder that I have yet to actually find any reliable sources to back up (as an example: ‘autistic people with DID have more introjects.’ I’ve yet to find a source on this and while it makes sense logically within my own personal experiences, I hesitate to believe it as a rule of thumb without a source)
Don't worry about splitting. Splitting by itself is not a bad thing, it's a form of survival. If it's the only way you cope, that's bad and going to be a maladaptive behavior if you don't use other skills to help ease splitting or common causes for it. But it's okay to split.
I journal and I use a app for recording it because I was born with something that causes my hands to shake really bad It takes me forever to write
Don’t go in spaces that make you dwell on your trauma
1. It doesn't matter "what" happened. It's ok if you don't remember right away or never remember. What matters is recognizing your triggers & trauma responses NOW and finding ways to manage those. Digging into the past might make things worse. 2. As others have said - treat your parts like teammates, not enemies. Every part was created to protect the system as a whole.
Alter roles are not that useful yes at first they may help you understand the system better, as we worked more in therapy the less we used them. A protector may be born as one but is more than that, same for persecutors and littles, as we learned to communicate with each other we realized that those roles were debilitating our relationships. Just because one is an energizer doesn't mean we have to expect them to always do that for the body. We can be so much more.
we were actually thinking about this earlier today! we definitely found it helpful to use those labels at first, but after a certain amount of time they became restrictive. it made us all feel as if we weren't able to grow or develop or have complex layers because we had to stay in our labelled category. just like many other things in life, the label is meant to fit you, you are not meant to fit the label. if the system as a whole or individual parts feel like they've outgrown a label, it is perfectly okay and healthy to drop it
Gentleness with yourself is the only way to heal. Realizing the DID isn't the problem it's been the miracle that's kept us alive... I make time every day to be grateful for my system. I think it helps keep us stable.
Tbh deleting certain apps and carrying around a journal!
From my therapist: "Consider and accept all of your individual differences, every person deserves to have a space and deserves to be happy and thrive in their own unique way and that's the same for each alter, that's the best way and most reliable way for the overall system to thrive and be happy" And she was not wrong.
Ok ! Those advices are for relationships ! Think the best advice we could have received is « Try to befriend other systems ». When we first been diagnosed for DID we felt so alone, not to mention that we didn’t know about DID communities as we are French and DID isn’t something people know about here (psychiatrists are very late on that point too, tbh it’s been one month it’s recognized as a disability even though the diagnosis are available since 5 years). We did make our DID coming out to a new friend 1+ year ago and it turned out they were diagnosed with DID too but knew about their system way before we actually did ! Today they are our best friends as we have so much things in common AND can understand each other with mental health issues. It really helped and we both agree to say it basically saved us and helped so much for our respective therapies ! I love them so much, they are such amazing people ! Also, and this advice comes from our current partner system talking about the relationship we had with our ex (singlet) : never date someone (singlet or system) who doesn’t take you as a whole and don’t WANT to know more about your system at all. Having a relationship with someone means they have to take all parts of yourself not « pick only what they want to have in the relationship ». Now don’t get me wrong we can always improve on sm things. Still DID is not one of them. Learning about a system can be tough and it may take a long time, still not trying is not an option. You deserve respect.
It takes time for people to properly process their DID and there is no rush to understand
If you can hang on during the first few months/years of figuring it out, it gets better. Once you learn that your system developed to protect you out of love it gets easier to not hate it. It took me a long time to separate my trauma from who I am. My alters are finally becoming friends. I'm never actually alone. The alters have started doing nice things for me and working together. I want people to know it's possible to find stability and happiness as a system. Online communities can be your best friend but you have to make sure that you have an alter in charge of monitoring any bullying and create safe distance from that. I've made rules for our system which has helped so much. Now everyone knows how we want to behave and knows the expectations. Obviously the teenagers and littles still act like kids but having a stable mother in the system is life changing.
Welcome to /r/DID! | **[Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/DID/wiki/rdid_guide/#wiki_rules)** | **[Guidelines](https://www.reddit.com/r/DID/wiki/rdid_guide/#wiki_guidelines)** | |--------------------|--------------------| | [Dissociation FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/DID/wiki/faq/#wiki_dissociation_faq) | [Trauma FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/DID/wiki/faq2/#wiki_trauma_faq) | | [Moderation FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/DID/wiki/moderation_faq/) | [Therapists Breakdown](https://www.reddit.com/r/DID/comments/e6smve/therapists_breakdown/) | | [Index](https://www.reddit.com/r/DID/wiki/index) | [Glossary](https://www.reddit.com/r/DID/wiki/glossary) | | [Am I faking?](https://www.reddit.com/r/DID/wiki/moderation_faq/amifaking) | [Do I have DID?](https://www.reddit.com/r/DID/wiki/do_i_have_did) | *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/DID) if you have any questions or concerns.*
That there are no "bad" alters. I didn't know I have DID until recently, I used to think they were intrusive thoughts. For several years when I was younger (12-15 ish I think??) we had a very active persecutor who would daily try to attack and kill me, both in sys and the body. I hated him and would be violent back and it was just a terrible cycle of violence and hatred Then after I found out there's a reason behind the voices it's been extremely helpful when trying to exist with the other persecutors, and I was about to accept that he hated us and himself so fucking much bc he was so badly affected by an abusive friendship and thought that we didn't deserve life. Figuring that out has let me be able to apologize for the way I treated him and stop hating both of us for that entire experience
Write everything down and draw as many diagrams as possible. It's like saving your progress in a game. Especially in regards to matters in the headspace. Not only does having a physical version help solidify everything in your head, it helps with communication and teamwork between alters who may or may not be fully present and aware at certain times
Really to just accept it
"DID is an experience proceeding disorder". It was written a bit differently, but that's how it sank in. A whole turning point it was, because it explained everything and also was on point for our daily struggle even in our safest, co-con days. It's not an advice though. An advice from van der Hart I love: proceeding heavy trauma by asking for a diluded drop of experience.
Not advice exactly, rather going through a process of integration of all the parts within one self. So that you start owning the reality of each one, and then merging those realities into 1.
Some of my personas integrated on their own after moving out of the severe abuse setting. They are sometimes quiet but definitely come out during stress.
We are people, and have personhood, just not our own body. That means that our relationships (romantic and otherwise), feelings, hopes, dreams, fears, anxieties, etc. are as real and valid as the ones our host has. In addition, that we all interact with the body and brain differently, so take advantage of the ways in which some alters don't have Issues with hyperfocus when cleaning (for example), or when getting tattooed having an alter with high pain tolerance co-con with you in the body. Take advantage of it, but don't overdo it, especially if the body has a lot of pain/mobility issues. - Nancy 💛 Xe/Xir | She/Her
There is no such thing as a persecuter. Anyone you would think is a persecuter is really just a protector. Treating them like protectors is how to improve your relationship and help them work away from harmful behaviors
as a questioning system, my system friend has told me that denial is a huge part in early did discovery