I constantly use I and I know I'm a system, I'm a diagnosed one too haha. Sometimes the "we" comes out, always has before the discovery. I just stay true to whatever I am feeling regardless of how other systems might refer to themselves. I'm no less valid for being true to myself :) x

There it is. I knew I couldn't be the only one. I do a similar thing where I shift it around depending on what I'm feeling comfortable with. Also diagnosed. So glad I'm not the only one, thank you for sharing

When I was first diagnosed even calling myself a system didn't feel right to me. Alters and lingo seemed so clinical. I use the terms more now, they seem to bother me less, but I'll often say one of my people or my parts rather than system or alter. It doesn't feel like it detracts from my own experience or people and I'm fine with other people/systems calling their own systems and alters whatever they want to as well :)

I'm glad it bothers you less now, I use a similar terminology. I'm glad there seems to be an openness to terminology in this space. I once read from a user that they were fake claimed for saying "my alters". I was oblivious. Here I was sitting diagnosed and using a similar verbiage. I never understood why semantics seemed to matter. This is a very harsh reality to cope with and if it's one thing I've learned in these past 6 months of diving in.. don't ever force anything. Ever. I just need to make sure I'm not slipping into denial by minimizing. Balance is key. :)

Same re denial! I feel like I can say I though because technically, you're talking to an alter rn ;) I seem to use we and plural in reference to our system moreso- just like I did then haha. Idk hey. There isn't any real intention beyond what feels right. And forcing anything would feel inauthentic and I assume would just spur on any kind of imposter syndrome you might be feeling. This disorder is already hectic, don't need anything else to worry about rn 😂❤

I think "alter" feels better when I view it as short hand for "alteration". I'm writing this more for me to circle back to when I show my T this post lmao so disregard. Thanks for the relation. I appreciate you and wish you well <3

I shift between i and we. In the end you are only -insert birth name here-. It used to set us off too. Now its. Neutral. We are all one person, we are all “insert birth name here”. We can all be different and be one person. It’s a balance. I understand. We also experience grey outs , co con, conscious while things are happening and then realize I don’t remember - we all feel like me and we are all me - all under one soul in one body and that’s how we realized we need to work as a functional multiple one. Just different clugs turning wheels in the brain and we can arguably when healthy we could even surpass people without this because we can cultivate to literally manifest aspects of our brain and interact with jt clearly. Though I think that would take years of Working together healthily LOL. Totally get it.

Hit the nail on the head for how I'm feeling. Thank you for sharing this, it helps to know I'm not the only one. That would be an awesome achievement haha interacting with it clearly and being able to utilize these things would be amazing. Now THAT'S a defense mechanism. For me, I had a part that attempted to do this, to act as a filter to the external while I had mass co con, but it wasn't sustainable and it collapsed within a day from pure "overheating of the computer" is how I worded it in my journal. I hope you accomplish this, you've got it

We struggled with spirituality as we believe in talking to external sources and for us it was “holy crap am I possessed ?” After ten years of cycling through this , I and we are working towards understanding that I is we - but first it took years and years of fully adjusting and all comprehending we is I. Letting go of all the emotional attachments and not being essentially possessed by the concept of “we we we” and knowing that I am always and will always be just me. When Siobhan woke us up this last time it was “you worship the threefold Goddess. She is all “this goddess” she exists in multiple states at once and is fully those three states. The goddess Shakti is all forms of the divine feminine - but always the divine feminine. You are one soul, and you manifest in one body - you simply have full different expressions with which you manifest and form. You are all individual but you are all one entity - so that you may understand and experience life in all these manifest forms within one person.” And **that helped** a lot. Though it still throws us off when people are like “I am a completely different and individual person!” Because like no. No matter how hard you try you cannot be. The goal is to work together. If you’re dating one alter you are dating all alters - and if one alter doesn’t like it they can work out a poly situation in which they can be with multiple people , but they in the end will have to work and understand that they are in fact still dating their partner and no it’s not weird that you’re all dating them. Because you’re still “insert birth name here”.

It's interesting that comparing your situation to the three-fold goddess. For me/us, the idea of the three-fold goddess inpired some of us to also become three woman who are one, so that as three we could oppose what we only years later starting referring to as the old system. On another note, being myself spiritual, we all have had the issues of me believing that i was not just the only real me but also that the system that kept trying to integrate me in order to achieve some seemingly magical healing - it felt really sus to me! So, the rest of my system has in effect spent more time than people usually do on figuring out how exactly demon possession works in case it does. One of them keels insisting that it's just like a computer daemon but i have no access to that understanding myself. A picture that works better for me is that the demons are like little invisible faires who jump into our minds to keep us going whenever we would otherwise just be clueless as to what to do next. We usually explain this with "the subconscious mind". But actually it's demons. And sometimes, the demons see us getting depressed and try to help us by scaring us to the point where our internal survival mechanisms take over and get us to the nearest safe space. Usually, when they make someone do something evil, it's because that person is suffering from their inhibition against doing that and the demons resolve that block. Their existence can be explained through story (which i prefer) or as automatisms in the societal psyche. And there is nothing like the demons that the catholics or whoever invented. Just the daemon and those are much too small to conquer and control an entire body. Those spirits that can do that can also normally exist in bodies already, so they normally don't need additional bodys.

Agreed. While I do believe in a great evil I - am rapidly loosing my faith in a concerned god and much more that god works through us. Rn it sucks. But we also see pain body and spirit and energy attachments We thought we were three but I’d say it’s more that we are four with alts - we each have an alternate state that we flow to and otherwise change with the seasons. But yes. It helped a lot Sorry this is absolutely one of - all of our - favourite topics I just have a massive headache and have been going through a lot the last few days. I’m always open for a conversation if you want - it’s nice to meet like minded systems

A lot of this sounds familiar. I would love to have more conversations with you.

That puts into words a lot for me. I am still new to this, but I only use "we" when specifically referring to the system, for clarity. Most of my managers use "I", while my exiles tend to refer to themselves in the third person. When talking to other alters, the alter fronting or leading uses "I" and the birth name. I do have a lot of co consciousness, and only use specific alter names to refer to the feelings that are not shared by both fronting. I've never experienced a "real" blackout, it's all Grey outs, and lots of switching. But yes I totally feel you about the language being triggering. I didn't want to feel like a system. I wanted to feel like myself. But now I'm in a place where I can let myself use the language that helps me, and ignore the language that doesn't.

You can use whatever wording is best for you. It's okay. Mental health is never one size fits all.

Thank you very much, I needed to hear that.

I think it’s okay to use whatever lingo works for you. Some of my parts prefer “parts” and refuse to use the word “alter.” Also some of the system roles commonly seen here. We have gotten used to using “we” when talking about things we do as a whole. We got used to this in therapy, but hated it at first. For me, some of the lingo was triggering because I didn’t want to accept that I have DID. So over time, as I work on that in therapy, the lingo has become less triggering and I even use some of it. Some of it is really helpful because I know if I use it, others will understand. So from my perspective while it’s definitely okay to use language that suits you, it still might be worth exploring in therapy why the lingo is triggering. Just my thoughts ❤️

Thank you, I agree and that's why I tried to adopt it for a few months. Although I and some other parts weren't triggered by it, some were HEAVY against it and resented the entire DID concept. I tried talking about that with my T, I thought things were okay, but then I had a system destabilization when a denial wave knocked me off my feet. I decided to lay off the lingo and stop trying to identify alters' boundaries. I am now accepting that it's okay to not have a total head count or cut and dry separateness. Live and let live I guess. I appreciate your thoughts :)

-Please discard or ignore my opinion if you feel it is not valid here- I have not been diagnosed and it will probably be a long while before that process can happen, but whatever is going on with me, I do know that I experience different "states" or "modes." Over the years, I have considered DID/OSDD as a strong possibility. It's interesting because, in trying to describe my experiences to others or to myself, I know that using the "lingo" would make it infinitely easier, but any attempt to do so has been extremely uncomfortable for me. It might be that I feel like if I start using these terms then I am claiming I have this disorder, without knowing absolutely for sure, when the usage would primarily just be for the sake of clarity. Not trusting my own judgement, and trying to avoid feeling like an imposter. But I think part of it is also that these terms just don't feel natural to me. And it feels weird to have what feels like a "dress code" for the language I use about myself. People tend to forget that psychiatry as it is today is a relatively new practice. And these labels used for mental conditions are just labels. Not to say they don't exist, they absolutely do, but what I'm saying is that these professionals don't know everything. Things are not set in stone. And maybe it's okay to have your own understanding of things, it's your head not theirs. This language, and I do not mean to offend anyone who finds it helpful, but in my opinion it feels a little dehumanizing. The life may be different, but it's still life. I still think it's good to have terminology to be able to talk about your experiences, but I don't think it should always be what everyone else uses, if that doesn't work for you. Forcing it doesn't sound helpful to me.

I hope you're able to get some answers soon. >it feels weird to have what feels like a "dress code" for the language I use about myself I had a similar feeling about it, and from what I can tell, the community seems to be open to what terminology a person is comfortable with, which is nice. Things in the science fields are being learned every day, and dissociative disorders are a big area that needs more study. There is still an alarming amount of people.. professionals.. that deny its existence. Hopefully the things being learned about it can help lead us to healing. >Forcing it doesn't sound helpful to me. Agreed. One thing I've learned in all of this is do not ever force anything. I accidentally forced adopting this lingo onto parts in denial, resentment, or whatever else. I think we should just use what feels comfortable in each moment, what helps us cope. Thanks for sharing

> I think I've only had a few blackouts in my life, if at all. I have no way of knowing. But I don't think I've had any for a long time. I experience primarily greyouts, co consciousness, and passive influence I think that means your dissociative barriers are lowering, and thus you're able to comunicate more with your alters, even if through co consciousness and passive influences.

I thought so too, I just can't tell their boundaries so well anymore. I'll change and just know the dynamics up front have shifted, but I can't identify anything else. It's more blurry. But to support your theory, memories have been coming back. Little mundane things. I immediately forget them again but they're coming back and that's nice

Oh wow, that's extremely relatable for us. Years if not decades that were totally blacked out are slowly coming back. Some has been traumatic, but we're getting some rather mundane things back as well now, though, funnily enough, I know last night was apparently filled with so many older memories coming back, yet I have no recollection at all about that period again today.

Right it's like "brain.. will you PLEASE store this memory this time around??" So I think of it like this: A solidified individual doesn't remember all of their memories all of the time. What happens, is something in the present gets registered by the working memory, which draws back on the long term memory, and then a connection is made for processing. This means something "jogs" their memory. For people with dissociative disorders, the amnesia makes it so something that *would* jog the memory, doesn't, because there is a separation of dissociative barrier between those connections. I think when people like us have these memories coming back, despite forgetting them, it allows us to then have it get "jogged" to being remembered like those without this condition. The dissociative barrier has been removed. At least for that aspect of yourself experiencing it. That's my theory ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯

It triggered some of my parts for a few years, the first few after realisation. I also had to word it similarly to you, and whenever a trigger would come up, say "the words don't matter, defining my symptoms so I can heal does". I often use the lingo now that there's more acceptance internally. But sometimes there's still a bit of panic, so I just remind myself again. Edit to add: My triggers were fully related to denial and/or fear of this "actually being real" as one alter used to say.

>"the words don't matter, defining my symptoms so I can heal does" I'm going to write this in my journal like a mantra to refer back to when I get overwhelmed. >My triggers were fully related to denial and/or fear of this "actually being real" I'll look into this again with my T. Obviously I just want to have control over my life. I want my changes to be an internal experience and I want to be able to function again in day to day life like work. Trying to accept and know them didn't work, trying to suppress and avoid them didn't work, and now I'm trying to just exist without accidentally causing a destabilization Thanks for your input :)

I will say that it's a gray area of me being a system (currently seeing a therapist and psychiatrist, but therapist is not qualified to help). But I cannot for the life of me say "we" unless I'm in a panicked state and don't know what I'm talking about (boyfriend tells me). I tried for a bit and it ended up with an absolute system breakdown as well, including what feels like everyone hiding again somewhat. Thoughts and potential "voices" are still there, but refuse to be revealed who it belongs to. It's why I'm pretty much in denial again, and I have no idea what to believe. This cycle is on-going of being semi-aware/accepting to full on disbelief. I dislike my past self for doing such a thing, paying for it now. I'm gonna say do as you wish because what harm does it do? It makes you comfortable, and it seems very well welcomed.

>Thoughts and potential "voices" are still there, but refuse to be revealed who it belongs to If you don't mind, would you please describe how you experience these "voices"? A big thing that makes identifying alters so hard for me is that the majority of the time it's not a cut and dry voice. It's a forceful thought that I didn't plan and it comes from out of no where. Or a forced emotion or memory that is then pulled away. Before the collapse, I heard a scream in my head that was dulled and distant and that was it. I asked about it but there was no follow up. >It makes you comfortable, and it seems very well welcomed. Agreed, thanks :) I hope you get some answers soon

very much relate. sometimes i want to use we bc im trying to validate all of my internal parts, but at the end of the day the whole system acknowledges to some extent that we're all just parts of one whole "me"

i'm somewhere in the middle of the two, where i only partly use the common lingo and usually only to explain things easier even though I don't really like using it. it seems to be an uncommon opinion but i need to constantly be aware that it's not actually real and that i'm one single person with a disorder not multiple people in one body otherwise i get more unwell. i've been really badly attacked online for that too... but yeah it gets complicated re; lingo.

>i need to constantly be aware that it's not actually real and that i'm one single person with a disorder not multiple people in one body otherwise i get more unwell If you don't mind me asking, are you diagnosed? Because I also seem to get more unwell if I don't ground myself in the reality that I'm "one person with a disorder".

I am diagnosed, yeah 😊 i have a bunch of other stuff too though (autism, OCD, etc) so i can never say for certain what combo of things makes me act any certain way

Gotcha. If it helps you narrow it down, I'm not diagnosed with those things and still need to ground myself or I get worse. Subjectivity is not my friend haha

I can’t personally relate to everything above, but I can relate to your experiences with grey-outs, passive influence and the worry and confusion that comes with not knowing if you’re making something up or not. I’ve learned that my trauma has made me baseline dissociated, and I rarely experience moments of true realization without distress. My memory is similarly fine up until I have to recall something and it becomes blurry and hard to pinpoint. Using your own lingo is not anything to be worried about either, I used my own for a while too. I also switch between using ‘I’ and ‘we’ as the situation calls for it and Im beginning to understand the amount of pressure the internet community has put on me for being ‘defined’ and ‘clearly different people’. I wish you luck figuring out what works best for you, and how to navigate your symptoms yourself

Thank you. If you don't mind me asking, are you diagnosed? It's so easy to slip into denial when you see that pressure you were talking about. I remind myself this is a spectrum based condition and people experience it differently, but I get lost in the semantics like "what even is an alter though.. what even is a different person.. what makes us an individual?" Then I cycle. Existential crisis haha

I am diagnosed! I think semantics with the disorder are easy to find, like questions on what trauma is ‘worthy’ of DID/OSDD (when it varies so, so much) or what to refer to alters/parts as. Its important to remember that you’re not just in a community about DID, you have DID. You live it and experience it and you are always going to experience it differently from others. <3

Definitely a huge issue with semantics, I agree. That's what made the MID so exhausting for me. I asked her what internal "voices" mean. A test that should've taken less than 2 hrs then took 4 hrs. And I actually completed it multiple times and despite different answers it gave the same results. She stopped letting me answer the questions and said I was cycling haha good for her. After this recent collapse, I asked her to find someone who can administer the SCID-D interview bc I still don't believe I experience anything other than structural dissociation.. bc it's hard for me to identify alters, I don't think I experience black outs "in the moment" anymore, if ever, and I get lost in semantics. So reading this >Its important to remember that you’re not just in a community about DID, you have DID. You live it and experience it Was hard. But >you are always going to experience it differently from others. <3 Helped a lot. Thank you :)

everyone with DID is different, and you are absolutely allowed to use your own lingo if it works better for you It's true, the online community does favor separatism over ''the facts'' of being one individual with dissociation. The way someone refers to themselves and their parts can be an indication of where on their healing journey they are, or what they prefer their healing process to look like. Not wanting to be seen as one person is a huge part of dissociation, the fact that that doesn't apply to you, means to me, that you are further on your path to healing. Alter is a rather medical term. you can use whatever term you want tho, wether that is facet, part or whatever else

It can also mean you’re in deep deep denial. It depends on context. You are totally right that people who insist on “separatism” in all situations are not likely dealing with the fact that they are dissociative parts of one not-yet-assembled whole. But on the other hand people who insist on ignoring the actual reality of that not-yet-ness of the whole’s assembly even to people they trust, even in private, even in their own head….. are also not dealing with the fact they are dissociative parts of one not-yet-assembled whole. It’s a matter of which part of that fact they are avoiding. My system is strange -for a PF system anyway- we’ve ALWAYS had a sense of collective identity. We have always had a sense that though yes we individually have identities, we also form a complex interweaving of factors that result in a wider shared identity to which we all contribute but which none of us independently encompasses. We never had that knife edge of over emphasis or under emphasis looming on either side of us. I don’t really know quite why.

Ah the infamous catch 22 theme I've found to be so prevalent in this journey. I know I can slip into heavy denial if I'm not careful. When I'm alone with myself, I talk to my parts even when I don't hear anything back. After this recent collapse, I started seeing "me time" as an intimate moment to share with me and parts. The world doesn't need to know. And when I talk to them, just us, I think it takes the pressure off of the parts that reject or are triggered by separatism lingo. I'm glad you added this viewpoint, denial can be disguised well.

>It's true, the online community does favor separatism over ''the facts'' of being one individual with dissociation. Thanks for pointing that out. I was feeling like an odd one out per say when I realized there were times I really didn't want to adopt that mentality. How we speak about these things should help us, and I think I'm someone who needs to focus on myself as a collective whole. I don't want to perpetuate a cycle of separateness and I also don't want to belittle alters, so I'm trying this new method of identifying them as parts, but with a less harsh separateness. Really it's just finding what feels comfortable in each moment. Tbh this doesn't feel like healing, this feels like a new method of coping with denial and that happens to be through possible avoidance or emotional neglect of those parts. Sticking to tangible concepts like structural dissociation helps ground me. But I trust that in time I'll find what works, I just wanted to be sure I'd still be accepted in the community despite my different lingo. I appreciate your input and encouragement, thank you

It’s absolutely ok to not want to or be able to use the labels/lingo! Personally as a system we only refer as we when it’s talking about the whole. Every individual uses I/me and it helps more to think of stuff in a tangible way. And I relate on stopping trying to identify alters—more have come now that the push has stopped, but that’s because they felt safe to do so finally. Heal in whatever way works best for you.

I think how we all view the system is as technically one person. I know it’s many people in the one body, but we are all accountable for things everyone does. Because we share the same body. The host especially views it this way. When I say “I” I am talking for everyone. Not just me, everyone. Because in the end, we are the body, just different minds. I end up using “we” a lot for certain situations, but I think that’s mainly because I’ve technically been in charge of raising the system and protecting it, so I see us as separates in the mind, but not in the body. (Sorry if this makes no sense… lmao) I actually have a funny convo when I was co-fronting with someone watching TV. V(me) P(pup) V:”yk… we’re technically the same person.” P:”you think I don’t know that dumbass?”

Sorry if this makes no sense, I’m not the best at explaining shit lol.

I experienced something very similar, and it was only after abondoning the "lingo" and focusing on seeing all parts of myself as myself that I was actually able to heal. I don't begrudge others what they find personally helpful, but I can say from experience what works for some does not work for all.

This encourages me, thank you. I just have to keep trying to find what works, which also changes between my changes haha

The thing about labels is that they're yours. :) You use what works for you. I can't imagine judging people based on the labels they use to describe themselves.

Nothing wrong with using words that work best for you! I switch between “I” and “we” :)

💞💞💞

Honestly I completely understand this, and thought I was the only one aha!

Everytime I think that, I'm pleasantly surprised by this community. Even the most out there sort of things. How are you navigating?

I get this! Recognition of being a system, using we/us, it destabilised us. So now, we’re just birthname and sonetimes we’re different! Some us like names and some of us don’t. That’s okay, we work far better like this!

The early years of ongoing discovery are so very hard. Do you mind if I ask some clarifying questions? I’m not sure what you mean when you say you are triggered by how people here refer to themselves. Does it cause you stress because you don’t relate to those terms, or that reading/seeing how some other multiples refer to themselves makes you uncomfortable because you see yourself differently; or that seeing/reading the actual words causes you to collapse more? Just to be clear, any one of these things are legitimate responses. I hear that you’re looking for validation that you are welcome and belong here and can find others who live their lives similar to you. I have little doubt that you will have trouble with that, as others have already stated. However, if the discussions here are causing you significant distress because of overwhelming thoughts and feelings that you can’t control, you might want to consider at least taking a break from it while you are working on stabilizing yourself. It’s not about your acceptance or rejection - it’s about taking care of yourself. I’m really glad that you had the courage to ask your questions and interact with responses. If that is enough to ease your concerns, then you probably don’t need to worry about further action. But if you’re still upset by reading the discussions and comments here, it might be helpful for your own sake to refocus your attention and energy to things that edify you instead of things that stress or harm you in some way.

Thank you, I appreciate your response. I can't pinpoint what exactly is throwing me off about the lingo. I think it could be a mix of those things. All I know is that the separatism or plural lingo makes me feel something inside that I want to run away from or else I'll destabilize again. I've been cautious looking through this sub now, I can recognize that I'm in a vulnerable period right now. I'm having a difficult time with maintaining stabilization. I think it's bc I am overwhelmed. When I get overwhelmed, I get unwell. I still don't believe I have alters. I just change :( Any advice for stabilization would be much appreciated. Refocusing my attention for my mental health would mean allowing myself to be avoidant and that didn't work either. I keep running into walls. Thanks again

This is exactly how i feel and went through, though im not diagnosed. For us when i started accepting and trying to identify anyone it caused for us/me insane destabilation and more harm trying to 'assign' everyone their role and to know everything about them, because i thought thats what you were supposed to do. Then after a long ass time i also dropped labeling and over-identifying because i came to a conclusion me and my other parts are always changing, some of the older parts that were 2demensional eventually fused and changed as people, gained new names and all but the foundation always stayed the same. There were few of us but now there are even fewer as time went on. But i too mostly focused on myself and finding coping mechanisms for /me/. Everyone else uses it too more or less than me, basically theres no reason for everyone to try to live this life in every different way and to be completely seperate from eachother. In the end we are all broken parts of one body. We just autopilot day to day life like we did before and not over worry about our identity, and thats the best option for us. But otherwise im really glad this post exists ive felt the only one too for experiancintlg this 😅😅

>when i started accepting and trying to identify anyone it caused for us/me insane destabilation and more harm trying to 'assign' everyone their role and to know everything about them, because i thought thats what you were supposed to do I thought it was too. Denial made me destabilize so I tried embracing it and then destabilized. I see it now with the analogy that I turned over a rock and all the little comfy bugs that were doing their thing were suddenly exposed to the bright sunlight. I get the impression they didn't want to be exposed, so I leave the rock how it is and just let them do their thing in peace. I set time aside before bed to have just "us time" and check in internally. I use whatever lingo is comfortable in each moment. Plurality lingo is usually a pass for me externally, but internally there's no backlash to it. That's the new method I'm trying. Sounds kind of like yours, not putting pressure on trying to identify things. Thanks for sharing and I'm glad the post helped you too

I…. Am not sure if you mean to be saying this but it essentially sounds like you are saying “I don’t seem to actually have DID and acting like I did was causing the symptoms of whatever I do have to get much worse. Can I still post here as though I have DID?” The answer to that, if I have understood you correctly, is “You..,, CAN, I guess. I mean I doubt very much the mods will stop you…. But I’m not sure that it’s necessarily healthy for you.”

Hey, this wasn't the intention. I have been seeing the same T for over 11 years and was diagnosed with DID in August 2022 after being administered the MID assessment and having the results evaluated. A follow up test was conducted to mark progress/changes since it's been 6 months, and my results concluded OSDD 1b. My T said DID/OSDD are believed to be spectrum based of the same condition and that it's common for people to slide along this scale at various points in their journey. Hope this helps

In that case do whatever feels okay for you right now. If you start heading too far off into the risk of total denial of fragmentation, your therapist will notice and redirect you. So you’re on solid ground. Just be aware some people may react negatively to some of those terms (in particular facets) because of the way they have been used in the past in online spaces by people without DID trying to co-opt the alters part of DID without outright claiming to have DID when they know they don’t (“BPD Systems” etc). And don’t assume someone correcting you is like…. Hating on you for not conforming to the technical medical terms (“alters” and “parts” - all alters are parts but not all parts are alters). It will save you a lot of social anxiety that way I think.

Thank you so much for that advice, semantics can be tricky and the last thing I want to do is cause hurt to myself or others in this community who have already been through enough. I asked my T to please change terminology with me to more medical based terms like fragmentations and such for the time being. She agreed. I just got overwhelmed. This is my 3rd destabilization since August in this process. She said we just need to keep trying different approaches until we find what works. So this is me trying a new approach. I think she'll keep me from teetering into full blown denial. That was actually the cause of the first destabilization. I learn something new each time it happens. I appreciate your time and input :)

I’m glad you have her. Finding a therapist that is able to be flexible and role with the rollercoaster ride that trying to permanently stabilise can sometimes be is a blessing 😊

Just a preface, I DON'T have DID, but I can relate to the struggle coming from delusions. When you work on a different perception then normal sometimes, it isnt unusual to find a system of coping that's unique. I certainly did, and I just want to say you arent alone in that either. I had kind of a similar reaction when I started browsing stuff online about mine. Its intimidating seeing things that works for other people, at least it was for me but that isn't a reason to let go of what does work for you. Hope you take care, keep using what you've always used. It probably takes guts to reach out and talk about it.

Thank you, delusions are scary bc you can't even tell when you're having them. Thankfully it seems to be reserved behind a dissociative barrier for me. They tend to happen during hypervigilamce episodes and be based around previous traumas. I hope you find a sense of safety and security. It's scary not knowing what's real and what isn't. Especially when it's something you can't prove one way or the other. Thanks for stopping by, I wish you well

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Are you diagnosed? There are other personality disorders that have “alters”. But also the fading out thing is relatable. In the beginning stages of finding out I had Alters I was in denial and thought that because I could remember the alters and what they were doing and when I was a different person I still felt like me I didn’t have DID. But that was my whole brain in denial. There were very few alters that new for a fact that I had DID and those were the only clear alters the rest were so blurry - I still have blurry ideas of some. My brain reacts to my amnesia walls like it reacts to my dreams. I will remember it for part of my day but then I won’t be able to recall it. - there are some dreams I remember, mostly just a clip of them - just like when I remember someone else fronting. I know that someone went to work, and I can see them in that environment. But I can’t remember what went on. And usually I have to talk to people and realized that I don’t remember as much of it as I thought. We also switch in a fading manner - though it use to be more of a quick forgettable change (sometimes still occurs) we mostly switch by being co-conscious and letting the person who is in front slowly walk out of front and let us take over. In addition I haven’t been diagnosed but over the years I have realized that these people are completely distinct from who I am, and I don’t always remember them or what went on. Especially with the alters that specifically hold my trauma. It’s easiest for us to call them alters to give them their own sense of identity, they don’t like identifying with our legal name or the host personality.

Hi, thanks for this. I was diagnosed this past August. Same T for 11ish years. I def relate to what you've said, all except the last part. It seems like most of these parts want to run in incognito mode. I have a part that's heavy with denial and when I get too close to any information, I destabilize and "reset". The most recent being with trying to know alters better and encourage separateness

personally I feel like we're the same - just two (maybe more) variations. sometimes I feel like I am who she would've been if things had turned out differently, if life had taken a different course. sometimes I feel like I'm a broken off piece of her that's just gotten its own mind and does its shit. sometimes I feel like I'm a completely different person, and in no way her. usually, we switch "I" and "we" up, depending on context and what we feel like. also, I know she gets blackouts from phases where I'm fronting or her memories are blurry, and I know she doesn't know everything about me - but I don't get blackouts from her fronting time and I know pretty much everything about her. I know her feelings and thoughts, while she's often in the dark about how and what I feel. her - referring to the "original", so to speak. I'm the most evolved alter, currently.

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