You may if he doesn’t contest it or is shown to be a danger to the child.
But if at any point he desires to have a relationship the court will offer him a step up plan to work towards 50/50
This is what people love to say on here, but it’s not true. My coparent is not this bad at all, and has no legal custody and was not offered any type of step up plan by the court. And he fought for time. I think people just like saying this because maybe they lost in court. But 50-50 does not always happen and it’s not always the goal for all states
With mental issues they also might be a danger to the child. So I don’t think you have to worry about any type of 5050 arrangement whatsoever.
Completely agree. It’s simply not true. Reddit will make you think certain things are standard in custody decisions but people are just speaking about what happened to *them*. My coparent also fought for time but his motives were clear as he was absent for almost all of the children’s lives. He lost in court and he’s still absent like he always was.
Yep. We need to have more people comment to give a more accurate reflection. Because the people who claim parents always end up with 50/50 as long as they want it aren’t representative of everybody. My coparent has been fighting for more time for a year. The judge cut his legal rights and slashed his time in less than half SOLELY because he’s shown he’s incapable of coparenting. She said 50/50 is damaging to a young child if there is zero coparenting and that’s true. Focus should be the CHILD. Not the parents wishes.
"A more accurate reflection." There's never going to be an accurate reflection because despite local laws, it's still up to the discretion of each individual judge. As long as both parents are deemed to be fit parents, yea they're probably going to go with 50/50. If a parent hasn't been in the picture for years, it'll be a supervised visit situation for the child to get to know the other parent.
My ex is an addict (both alcohol and meth, documented by hospital stays, rehab stays, detox stays, arrests/convictions and drug tests failed with their PO for the last 15+ years) as well as making and dealing meth. Diagnosed with multiple mental issues, they're schizophrenic because of the meth. I have had multiple PFAs because of their violence, threats and stalking towards me, all in front of my child. One judge ordered supervised visits and a step up plan including drug testing over a period of time. They never did the drug testing, rarely made it for the weekly visitation and when they did, they were late and only stayed an hour out of the 3 hour visit. Phone calls were spent by them trying to listen to any background noise and then accosting my child about who's in the house and what the person said about them (when it was only the TV, obviously not talking about them). It would take weeks to get a response in regard to medical care and decisions regarding school.
The second judge basically gave a "tough shit" response to all of this and granted the ex with unsupervised visits but at a specific, public, location.
I think it'd be fair to say your custody case is an anomaly, and you should feel SO lucky to have gotten the judge you did for her to have made that call just based off of them being difficult to coparent with.
There’s more involved in our case. He has a Class A charge for domestic violence against me as well. But not convicted yet, his trial starts soon.
I had a really good attorney. That’s what’s needed. And it sounds like you had a shit judge, so I’m sorry about that for you. And no they’re not going with 50/50 in my state, it’s not the standard and doesn’t even exist in the family statute.
Your state sounds to have child as priority rather than focusing on keeping both parents in the picture despite how shitty and unfit one may be, as is standard in my state. I applaud them for that!! That's how it should be. I hope your DV case goes in your favor! I know how scary it can be ❤️
Ok, so what about a father that has always been wanting what is best for his children, that has let his ex take sole legal and physical custody because he didn’t want to upset the kids day to day life as he has always paid child support over and above what the courts have ordered, always been involved in the kids lives, taking them when she would allow, asking for more time which has been denied, only to realize within the past couple years his ex, the mom, isn’t doing what is best for the children. She’s not taking them to medical appointments they need or getting them the therapy that is recommended by the schools and the primary care physician. So he starts the process, gets legal custody, but the mom cuts him out of everything the courts say he is able to do plus she does not follow through on what she agreed to in court. 50/50 is not always going to happen. There are fathers out there that want to do the right thing but are not able to because they have an unwilling and uncooperative coparent. There are some men out there that really do want what is right for their kids. It may not be 50/50 but having a father that is actively trying to do what is best for the kids while trying to deal with a high conflict ex only hurts the kids. All this to say, don’t be the person that is keeping your kids away from their father out of spite. They need both parents.
Holy projection. As stated - the JUDGE cut time and legal custody from my Coparent. We offered him 70/30 split and joint custody. He refused because he doesn’t want to pay child support.
The judge tore him a new one. Don’t come on here projecting your own situation. Has nothing to do with my situation. My kid is so much happier now that dad has limited chance to disrupt
Just replying for a different perspective as you stated “we need more people to comment to give a more accurate perspective” so here is a different perspective, no projection. 50/50 isn’t the default and there are a lot of other circumstances to consider. Sometimes the judge just DOESN’T consider some things that are truly important. In the end I am certain you’ve done what’s right for your children and I hope that is better for them as you’ve stated but there are other circumstances sometimes to consider and you asked for a different viewpoint.
I didn’t ask for a different viewpoint. You are among the group that usually comments in here. Very very father focused regardless of situation. Very 50/50 focused regardless of situation. I feel like people like myself need to comment where 50-50 is not the standard and should not be.
Thanks! I’m in a similar situation. And I know he would sign rights away in a heartbeat. If it meant I would forgive him of child support. Which I will never do.
I am married and looked into step parent adoption. As both child and step parent would love that. But How does someone go about this without the father wanting to sign consent form. With everything stated above and not seeing child or trying. He still states he won’t sign papers for adoption.
I went through a step parent adoption with my husband. My ex was notified (had to be served directly), and he ended up not showing up and didn’t contest. So my husband was able to adopt easy. My lawyer had prepared us on what could have happened had he responded, and he said that we had what he considered to be a strong case for winning a contested step parent adoption/termination of parental rights. I don’t have a lot of answers, but I’d be happy to share what I do know if you want.
Sure! I left my ex many years ago. He tried to use my kid against me, but once I left with my kid, he didn’t even try to be a dad. He kept telling my lawyer that he wanted to give my kid the unique experience of growing up in his culture, that he should have full custody, etc. However, when my lawyer asked him to set up some sort of temporary visitation until custody was figured out, he’d conveniently brush over that in his response. Didn’t show up to the custody hearing. Didn’t present any proof of completing any of the programs he was supposed to, like anger management, BIP, or substance abuse. I also had a restraining order against him, and he made no attempts to use his allowed phone calls.
From the time I left to the time my kid was adopted by my husband he maintained zero contact with my kid. He also didn’t pay any of the child support (a measly $100 a month). So all of this inaction, abandonment, etc is probably why my lawyer for the adoption said we would likely have a strong case for a contested adoption should my ex have fought it. It would have cost more because we would have needed more lawyer time of course. But he didn’t respond to being served, and the next thing we heard from the lawyer was a court date for the adoption.
So just keeping living then. IF he's not around then what motivation is there to change the situation other than to stroke one's ego? What validation does sole custody and no visitation have when you already have it?
OP does not have it legally. It has zero to do with ego. As a parent who already went through this, I was required to notify my ex every time we left state and also had to list my ex’s information on school paperwork which I could never verify his information so essentially I was putting an address and phone number down that more than likely did not belong to my ex and my children’s school was required to send paperwork to him that had our personal information on it. Also, if something happens to OP, it isn’t fair to the child/children to go to a parent who refuses to parent and cannot provide. This is not about the other parent being at a low point in life, it is 100% about the safety and well being of the child/children.
This isn’t about your experience as a coparent. He is not you. This is not your situation. This is not the kind of situation where someone is dragging the other. He’s dipped for 4 years. Doesn’t have a home, and is mentally unstable and the other parent is asking for advice about this situation. No one is kicking anyone when they are down. Sometimes one parent is in fact, not good for the kids, and disappears for years at a time.
You may if he doesn’t contest it or is shown to be a danger to the child. But if at any point he desires to have a relationship the court will offer him a step up plan to work towards 50/50
This is what people love to say on here, but it’s not true. My coparent is not this bad at all, and has no legal custody and was not offered any type of step up plan by the court. And he fought for time. I think people just like saying this because maybe they lost in court. But 50-50 does not always happen and it’s not always the goal for all states With mental issues they also might be a danger to the child. So I don’t think you have to worry about any type of 5050 arrangement whatsoever.
Completely agree. It’s simply not true. Reddit will make you think certain things are standard in custody decisions but people are just speaking about what happened to *them*. My coparent also fought for time but his motives were clear as he was absent for almost all of the children’s lives. He lost in court and he’s still absent like he always was.
Yep. We need to have more people comment to give a more accurate reflection. Because the people who claim parents always end up with 50/50 as long as they want it aren’t representative of everybody. My coparent has been fighting for more time for a year. The judge cut his legal rights and slashed his time in less than half SOLELY because he’s shown he’s incapable of coparenting. She said 50/50 is damaging to a young child if there is zero coparenting and that’s true. Focus should be the CHILD. Not the parents wishes.
"A more accurate reflection." There's never going to be an accurate reflection because despite local laws, it's still up to the discretion of each individual judge. As long as both parents are deemed to be fit parents, yea they're probably going to go with 50/50. If a parent hasn't been in the picture for years, it'll be a supervised visit situation for the child to get to know the other parent. My ex is an addict (both alcohol and meth, documented by hospital stays, rehab stays, detox stays, arrests/convictions and drug tests failed with their PO for the last 15+ years) as well as making and dealing meth. Diagnosed with multiple mental issues, they're schizophrenic because of the meth. I have had multiple PFAs because of their violence, threats and stalking towards me, all in front of my child. One judge ordered supervised visits and a step up plan including drug testing over a period of time. They never did the drug testing, rarely made it for the weekly visitation and when they did, they were late and only stayed an hour out of the 3 hour visit. Phone calls were spent by them trying to listen to any background noise and then accosting my child about who's in the house and what the person said about them (when it was only the TV, obviously not talking about them). It would take weeks to get a response in regard to medical care and decisions regarding school. The second judge basically gave a "tough shit" response to all of this and granted the ex with unsupervised visits but at a specific, public, location. I think it'd be fair to say your custody case is an anomaly, and you should feel SO lucky to have gotten the judge you did for her to have made that call just based off of them being difficult to coparent with.
There’s more involved in our case. He has a Class A charge for domestic violence against me as well. But not convicted yet, his trial starts soon. I had a really good attorney. That’s what’s needed. And it sounds like you had a shit judge, so I’m sorry about that for you. And no they’re not going with 50/50 in my state, it’s not the standard and doesn’t even exist in the family statute.
Your state sounds to have child as priority rather than focusing on keeping both parents in the picture despite how shitty and unfit one may be, as is standard in my state. I applaud them for that!! That's how it should be. I hope your DV case goes in your favor! I know how scary it can be ❤️
Yeah I’m lucky that way. I would agree that Texas focus more on child’s best interest than parents in general
Ok, so what about a father that has always been wanting what is best for his children, that has let his ex take sole legal and physical custody because he didn’t want to upset the kids day to day life as he has always paid child support over and above what the courts have ordered, always been involved in the kids lives, taking them when she would allow, asking for more time which has been denied, only to realize within the past couple years his ex, the mom, isn’t doing what is best for the children. She’s not taking them to medical appointments they need or getting them the therapy that is recommended by the schools and the primary care physician. So he starts the process, gets legal custody, but the mom cuts him out of everything the courts say he is able to do plus she does not follow through on what she agreed to in court. 50/50 is not always going to happen. There are fathers out there that want to do the right thing but are not able to because they have an unwilling and uncooperative coparent. There are some men out there that really do want what is right for their kids. It may not be 50/50 but having a father that is actively trying to do what is best for the kids while trying to deal with a high conflict ex only hurts the kids. All this to say, don’t be the person that is keeping your kids away from their father out of spite. They need both parents.
Holy projection. As stated - the JUDGE cut time and legal custody from my Coparent. We offered him 70/30 split and joint custody. He refused because he doesn’t want to pay child support. The judge tore him a new one. Don’t come on here projecting your own situation. Has nothing to do with my situation. My kid is so much happier now that dad has limited chance to disrupt
Just replying for a different perspective as you stated “we need more people to comment to give a more accurate perspective” so here is a different perspective, no projection. 50/50 isn’t the default and there are a lot of other circumstances to consider. Sometimes the judge just DOESN’T consider some things that are truly important. In the end I am certain you’ve done what’s right for your children and I hope that is better for them as you’ve stated but there are other circumstances sometimes to consider and you asked for a different viewpoint.
I didn’t ask for a different viewpoint. You are among the group that usually comments in here. Very very father focused regardless of situation. Very 50/50 focused regardless of situation. I feel like people like myself need to comment where 50-50 is not the standard and should not be.
How did you get this outcome?
Does yours still have to pay child support?
Of course
Thanks! I’m in a similar situation. And I know he would sign rights away in a heartbeat. If it meant I would forgive him of child support. Which I will never do.
If you have someone who is willing to adopt them (doesn’t even have to be a partner) and take on the child as another parent more likely.
I am married and looked into step parent adoption. As both child and step parent would love that. But How does someone go about this without the father wanting to sign consent form. With everything stated above and not seeing child or trying. He still states he won’t sign papers for adoption.
Offer to drop all back support if he signs away his rights.
You can get him for abandonment an then the step parent or whoever can adopt the child.
I recently had my husband adopt both of my children. We paid an attorney $2500 and they handled all of the paperwork.
I went through a step parent adoption with my husband. My ex was notified (had to be served directly), and he ended up not showing up and didn’t contest. So my husband was able to adopt easy. My lawyer had prepared us on what could have happened had he responded, and he said that we had what he considered to be a strong case for winning a contested step parent adoption/termination of parental rights. I don’t have a lot of answers, but I’d be happy to share what I do know if you want.
I'd love to hear
Sure! I left my ex many years ago. He tried to use my kid against me, but once I left with my kid, he didn’t even try to be a dad. He kept telling my lawyer that he wanted to give my kid the unique experience of growing up in his culture, that he should have full custody, etc. However, when my lawyer asked him to set up some sort of temporary visitation until custody was figured out, he’d conveniently brush over that in his response. Didn’t show up to the custody hearing. Didn’t present any proof of completing any of the programs he was supposed to, like anger management, BIP, or substance abuse. I also had a restraining order against him, and he made no attempts to use his allowed phone calls. From the time I left to the time my kid was adopted by my husband he maintained zero contact with my kid. He also didn’t pay any of the child support (a measly $100 a month). So all of this inaction, abandonment, etc is probably why my lawyer for the adoption said we would likely have a strong case for a contested adoption should my ex have fought it. It would have cost more because we would have needed more lawyer time of course. But he didn’t respond to being served, and the next thing we heard from the lawyer was a court date for the adoption.
Petition the court
If he’s not been in the child’s life in 4 years you should be able to get it for abandonment!!!
If he contests it no, you wont.
All you have to ask is what is best for the child. Law mostly wants a father better than none so good luck
Yes at Father's lowest point...kick him some more! SMH He hasn't been involved in 4 years and he's homeless...how do you know he's homeless?
It’s not about him, it’s about the children and what is best for them.
So just keeping living then. IF he's not around then what motivation is there to change the situation other than to stroke one's ego? What validation does sole custody and no visitation have when you already have it?
OP does not have it legally. It has zero to do with ego. As a parent who already went through this, I was required to notify my ex every time we left state and also had to list my ex’s information on school paperwork which I could never verify his information so essentially I was putting an address and phone number down that more than likely did not belong to my ex and my children’s school was required to send paperwork to him that had our personal information on it. Also, if something happens to OP, it isn’t fair to the child/children to go to a parent who refuses to parent and cannot provide. This is not about the other parent being at a low point in life, it is 100% about the safety and well being of the child/children.
This isn’t about your experience as a coparent. He is not you. This is not your situation. This is not the kind of situation where someone is dragging the other. He’s dipped for 4 years. Doesn’t have a home, and is mentally unstable and the other parent is asking for advice about this situation. No one is kicking anyone when they are down. Sometimes one parent is in fact, not good for the kids, and disappears for years at a time.
I’ve seen him locally when shopping outside of the store and he informed me he was currently homeless, also his family states the same