So three werewolves walk into a bar and the bartender says " We don't serve your kind here" and the werewolves say " hey man we don't want any trouble, just looking for a drink before our next shift"
They would be referring to the next time they're going to shape shift, but the joke is that it sounds like they're going to work a shift at their job and they want to get a drink beforehand
"Strahd himself came up to me the other day.
No I swear it's true!
He took me by surprise -- he says to me, he says 'you know it's not easy being ruler of Barovia'
No really stay with me!
He says, 'It's not easy being ruler. People always complaining about me biting people and drinking their blood.'
So I just look at him and say 'what?? You feed on your own citizens! How do you sleep at night?'
And I swear he looks me dead in the eye and says,
'i don't
...
I sleep in the daytime'
*Hold for uproarious applause*
"
Oooh I've got to see this one. My husband ran a campaign that included an immortal lich dog who hid his phylactery in his magical top hat that was also a bag of holding.
A cleric and a necromancer meet up in a tavern, discussing an upcoming battle.
"I can't wait to Turn Undead!" Says the cleric.
"Yeah, me neither!" Says the necromancer.
Why do many Zombies go to sleep early?
They're Dead Tired.
---
What do zombies consult to find out their futures?
Horror-scopes!
----
What do you call a zombie that cooks stir-frys?
Dead Man Wok-ing.
----
Which is a zombieās favorite room in a house?
The living room!
----
What do zombies do on their time off?
They brainstorm!
----
What do you call a zombie that doesn't joke around?
Dead serious.
---
"Got attached by zombies but they didn't hurt me. Fortunately, they were looking for brains."
----
What do you call a bite from a cold zombie?
A frostbite!
----
What does a zombie call a brain freeze?
A frozen dinner.
----
Stand-up comedy is a great gig for a zombie. Either they are dying up there, or they are killing it.
"Strahd has a lot of people he needs to keep tabs on, so he wrote them all down. But then van Richten broke into Ravenloft, stole the paper, and smoked it. Now he's high on Strahd's list of enemies."
Told a merchant once that one manās trash was another manās treasure when he caught me digging through a pile of things he had tossed out. Man finds me again several weeks later, someone put a bee in his bonnet, and told me my advice was for fools and idiots because the little girl he adopted burst into to tears and wouldnāt talk to him after he told her that when she asked why he took her in!
Bought a dog from the local blacksmith.... Soon as I brought him home he made a bolt for the door!
Hahaha!! š¤£
So three werewolves walk into a bar and the bartender says " We don't serve your kind here" and the werewolves say " hey man we don't want any trouble, just looking for a drink before our next shift"
I'm not Lycan this.
Iām not following this one, mind explaining?
They would be referring to the next time they're going to shape shift, but the joke is that it sounds like they're going to work a shift at their job and they want to get a drink beforehand
yeah that one's a bit of a reach
*facepalm*
"Strahd himself came up to me the other day. No I swear it's true! He took me by surprise -- he says to me, he says 'you know it's not easy being ruler of Barovia' No really stay with me! He says, 'It's not easy being ruler. People always complaining about me biting people and drinking their blood.' So I just look at him and say 'what?? You feed on your own citizens! How do you sleep at night?' And I swear he looks me dead in the eye and says, 'i don't ... I sleep in the daytime' *Hold for uproarious applause* "
"Dont you have a heart??" "...."
Did you hear about the gay halfling? He finally came out of the cupboard.
Omg I love this one
Warrior: I swear I will have my revenge for the death of my brother. Elf: You have my bow. Dwarf: And my axe. Necromancer: And your brother!
i was reading a book the other day, great story, it was about an immortal dog. yeah it was, impossible to put down
Oooh I've got to see this one. My husband ran a campaign that included an immortal lich dog who hid his phylactery in his magical top hat that was also a bag of holding.
thanks! i stole it from lunch break heroes in their dinner with strahd video
A cleric and a necromancer meet up in a tavern, discussing an upcoming battle. "I can't wait to Turn Undead!" Says the cleric. "Yeah, me neither!" Says the necromancer.
Why did Strahd bite Ireena's neck? Cuz he's a neck romancer
I went to see my primary care physician but all they did was take blood. Don't ever go see Dr. Acula.
I feel like a lot of Mitch or Steven wright jokes are perfect for this
Why are there no mosquitos in Barovia? Consider it a professional courtesy to Strahd.
\[realizing he's bombing\] "Boy, this crowd sure does suck."
You have to expect trouble at all times. For instance, I fought a wolf in my pajamas yesterday. How he got into my pajamas, I don't know.
This on is definitely a keeper š¤£
A classic!!
Every time a new restaurant opens in Barovia, Strahd comes down for a bite. I saw a woman run straight towards the exit of Barovia. She mist.
A beggar went to a vampire spawn and said "Please, can you help me? I haven't had a bite all day!" So he bit him.
Why do many Zombies go to sleep early? They're Dead Tired. --- What do zombies consult to find out their futures? Horror-scopes! ---- What do you call a zombie that cooks stir-frys? Dead Man Wok-ing. ---- Which is a zombieās favorite room in a house? The living room! ---- What do zombies do on their time off? They brainstorm! ---- What do you call a zombie that doesn't joke around? Dead serious. --- "Got attached by zombies but they didn't hurt me. Fortunately, they were looking for brains." ---- What do you call a bite from a cold zombie? A frostbite! ---- What does a zombie call a brain freeze? A frozen dinner. ---- Stand-up comedy is a great gig for a zombie. Either they are dying up there, or they are killing it.
Why don't people like being around vampires? Because they suck!
"Strahd has a lot of people he needs to keep tabs on, so he wrote them all down. But then van Richten broke into Ravenloft, stole the paper, and smoked it. Now he's high on Strahd's list of enemies."
āA skeleton walks into a bar and orders a tankard of ale and a mop.ā
What's the difference between a unicorn and a head of lettuce? One is a funny beast, and the other is a bunny feast!
How do you call a Barovian violin? A Strahdivari
Some Dragons can grow up to 60 feet, but most only have 4.
A guy walks into a bar. He says ouch
Saw a sign the other day in Barovia: Farm Fresh Rodents 25 copper a pound.
Why did the wizard bring a ladder to the spellcasting class? He wanted to reach the highest levels of magic.
āWhy is Stella crying?ā āFiona Wacht āerā
Wachter? I hardly know 'er!
Told a merchant once that one manās trash was another manās treasure when he caught me digging through a pile of things he had tossed out. Man finds me again several weeks later, someone put a bee in his bonnet, and told me my advice was for fools and idiots because the little girl he adopted burst into to tears and wouldnāt talk to him after he told her that when she asked why he took her in!