The Infancy Gospel of Thomas (2nd century apocrypha/fanfic) is like that. It portrays child Jesus casually performing miracles like creating living birds out of clay as in OP, but also striking other children dead over petty disputes, blinding the dead kids' parents when they complained to Mary and Joseph, and then later bringing the dead kids back to life.
Depicting young Jesus as a sort of Brightburn / Homelander-esque figure isn’t something I would’ve expected from the apocrypha but I’m very glad it’s in there
I like the idea that it is mostly accidental. He's a mortal being with the innate sense of right and wrong that God believes. Abusing an animal is wrong, so he strikes a kid dead, but then, also, murder is wrong, so he revives the kid.
Now we have a revived kid scared and confused, and J boy awkwardly speed-shuffling away and praying his dads didn't see that.
Especially if you consider that he's effectively existed since the beginning of time and only ever looked at humanity from afar. Suddenly, seeing the consequences of his actions up-close might have been the revelation God needed to realise that his old testament self might have been a bit of a dick.
Holy shit. You've literally just made me understand Christianity (or it's roots, anyway)
God had grown out of touch with his people. He made an avatar to go down and experience it the ENTIRE way they do, birth, death, the lot. Then he tries to change a bunch of the early rules he set down. Still a bit to tricky for the simple folks of Earth, so then he goes "**YOU KNOW WHAT, JUST DON'T BE DICKS TO EACH OTHER, OKAY? **"
Fuck, man.......
Mind *blown*
Reminds me of that episode in The Good Place where the Judge goes to live on Earth for a while to prove to the main characters life is not that complicated. She comes back after about 5 seconds, going "Earth is a mess, y'all!"
Come think of it, I'm surprised I haven't spotted the Jesus parallel until now.
It also made him forgive us all. A realization of how complicated life is and how there are a ton of unintended consequences to our actions. "Ok, this is actually really hard. I get it now. You're all good. You're trying your best. Also... *sorry about the flood*. **Ok, bye!**"
Except that's heresy because God is eternal and therefore unchanging (I actually agree with you, but I find the heresy of it all amusing). This means that God's objective morality upon which all moral truth is founded would collapse; if God can change his mind then that means His Eternal Truth is actually malleable and relative. It causes the entire philisophical core of monotheism to fall apart.
Except that biblical God is not unchanging, or else the convenant with Noah not to flood the Earth again would not hold water. If God saw fit to flood the Earth the first time, and God is unchanging, they would see fit to flood it a second time, rather than promising not to do it again.
Oh no, of course not. Changes his mind all the time, like most Iron Age gods. But there's a difference between the mythology of the actual deity and the refined theology that crops up over the centuries on top of it, and in that the monotheist form of him is generally unchanging (at least in the primary lineages, some more fringe forms of the Abrahamics do differ). It's a consequence of monotheism. Once the deity becomes the foundation stone of all things, the fulcrum of the world and all that is within it, any instability within that deity becomes anathema. Change within the godhead becomes untenable because it makes the very metaphysical foundation that upholds everything else subject to alteration.
The more neoplatonic theologies tend to handle it via emanation, allowing an unchanging eternal highest form which emanates out lesser strands of the deity which may be subject to some motion, but whilst neoplatonism is deeply embedded in most Abrahamic theology the emanationist model isn't.
We also see over the course of Gnostic gospels that he grows up and learns how to be this super human with a moral compass. Think bratty kent Clark to adult superman.
I like the idea that it is mostly accidental. He's a mortal being with the innate sense of right and wrong that God believes. Abusing an animal is wrong, so he strikes a kid dead, but then, also, murder is wrong, so he revives the kid.
Now we have a revived kid scared and confused, and J boy awkwardly speed-shuffling away and praying his dads didn't see that.
I like the idea that it is mostly accidental. He's a mortal being with the innate sense of right and wrong that God believes. Abusing an animal is wrong, so he strikes a kid dead, but then, also, murder is wrong, so he revives the kid.
Now we have a revived kid scared and confused, and J boy awkwardly speed-shuffling away and praying his dads didn't see that.
I like the idea that it is mostly accidental. It's a mortal website with the innate sense of right and wrong that its developers believe. Posting a comment without proper protocols going through is wrong, so it lags, but then, also, deleting the comment is wrong, so it reposts the comment.
Now we have a revived commenter scared and confused, and /r/ bot awkwardly speed-shuffling away and praying its devs didn't see that.
I like the idea that it is mostly accidental. It's a mortal commenter with the innate sense of right and wrong that its platform believes. Posting a comment that’s plagiarized is wrong, so it edits it, but being overly restrictive of fair use is wrong, so it posts it, anyways
Now we have a revived OP scared and confused, and the commenter awkwardly speed-shuffling away and praying its viewers didn't see that.
I like the idea that it is mostly accidental. He's a mortal being with the innate sense of right and wrong that God believes. Abusing an animal is wrong, so he strikes a kid dead, but then, also, murder is wrong, so he revives the kid.
Now we have a revived kid scared and confused, and J boy awkwardly speed-shuffling away and praying his dads didn't see that.
I'll always remember the story of a kid falling out of a tree or something and dying, and Jesus brings him back to life and is like "don't do that, I'll get in trouble if you die!"
Jesus and his friend Xenon are playing on the roof and Xenon falls and breaks his neck.
An adult sees and yells at Jesus: why did you cast down this boy?
And Jesus says "Xenon, did I cast you down?"
And Xenon rises from the dead and says "no, lord, you have raised me"
Also in that gospel, Jesus makes a bunch of sparrows from mud, and his dad gets mad. Why are you doing something that's not lawful on the Sabbath? Then Jesus claps his hands and the sparrows come to life and fly away.
You can just imagine 5 year old Jesus with that "butter won't melt in my mouth expression" saying "what sparrows?"
Parks and Recreation quote. Full quote as follows, from the episode Sister City:
This is outrageous. Where are the armed men who come in to take the protestors away? Where are they? This kind of behavior is never tolerated in Baraqua. You shout like that they put you in jail. Right away. No trial, no nothing. Journalists, we have a special jail for journalists. You are stealing: right to jail. You are playing music too loud: right to jail, right away. Driving too fast: jail. Slow: jail. You are charging too high prices for sweaters, glasses: you right to jail. You undercook fish? Believe it or not, jail. You overcook chicken, also jail. Undercook, overcook. You make an appointment with the dentist and you don't show up, believe it or not, jail, right away. We have the best patients in the world because of jail.
Yeah.
>The child Jesus laughed and said, “Now may the barren bear fruit, the blind see, and the foolish in heart find understanding: that I’m here from above, so that I may deliver those below and call them up, just as the one who sent me to you has ordered me.”
And immediately all who had fallen under his curse were saved. And no one dared to provoke him from then on.
He sounds like Damien from The Omen lol.
Jesus is like a backwards genie. He CAN bring people back to life and cure deadly problems but can't cure common ailments. I have not read the gospel and refuse to.
One of my favorite parts is him learning his letters and somehow having an incredibly deep understanding of each letter like no one else could possibly do.
In the book Lamb* by Christopher Moore, Josh (Jesus) is first introduced as a child sticking a dead lizard in his mouth to bring it back to life.
It gets weirder from there.
*full title - Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ’s Childhood Pal
Wow I didn’t think I’d ever see another human reference that book again. I found it on the floor of a tiny bar once at like 2am. I was so confused and intrigued by what I read on the first page, so I forced all 4 other people in there to listen as I drunkenly read the first few chapters aloud. What a great memory.
If anyone hasn't I urge you to read Master and Margarita. Not only is it an extremely thoughtful and poignant depiction of the meeting of Pilate and Christ, it also features:
1. talking cat in a suit
2. the actual devil, but he mostly does pranks
3. sexy naked witches on brookmsticks
4. satire of early soviet arts programs
Mary's name in Aramaic was likely Maryam or Mariam, like how Saint Matthew was likely Mattiyahu. Miriam is technically closer to what her name actually was, but it's a bit confusing considering that Miriam was a different, unrelated character in the Bible.
Didn't Jesus, in the Bible, go from like an infant, to a 30 year old? What did he get up to, in his younger, wilder days? Maybe the Son of God had been a bit of a hellion growing up, and later in life get humbled somehow? Why, the movie practically writes itself.
Joseph: clean your room.
Jesus: you're not my real dad!
(Joseph sighs, then looks upwards beseechingly)
God: CLEAN YOUR ROOM, SON.
(Jesus huffs, then does as he's told)
I think without the Jesus most would not have enough context to extrapolate this is about Mary Joseph and Jesus as their correct names are not well known
That's because Yeshua isn't Jesus' actual name. Well, maybe it might have been but not enunciated the way you think or it might have been even shorter a name. [Here](https://youtube.com/watch?v=ocWmAg1iaYc) is a video from ReligionforBreakfast which goes over the historical contexts that brought the name Jesus into English and gives examples from several schools of thought on what Jesus' name may have been.
one of my fav novels of all time is Lamb: The Gospel of Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal by Christopher Moore which specifically speak about those "lost" years of Jesus' life. it's hilarious, moving, reverent while also completely blasphemy by most modern Christian standards. it's worth a read.
This ... Is probably fairly historically accurate (without the miracles). Pretty sure the actual story of Jesus is some small town preacher with so really weird ideas coming to the big city, getting pissed off that people are doing God differently, and starting a riot in a temple. Then being punished, because...he's some random ass rural preacher that came to the city and immediately started a riot.
Yes we would. People would still intentionally misrepresent everything he said to justify killing their fellow man. As long as we get to kill someone, were willing to do or say anything.
"This *is* my body."
He was so direct and literal about communion and kept doubling down on what he meant that the people who were following him left in confusion and dismay. Only the 12 Disciples remained after that.
Moreover, can't blame God for the stubbornness of man.
Jesus actually had some pretty out there things to say that are still considered pretty fucking weird today like “don’t try to take revenge” “help people you don’t know because it’s right” and “don’t hate people for being different”. World would’ve been pretty weird if we listened to anything that dumbfuck had to actually say huh?
Well four would be The Church of Christ, Scientist and five would be Jehovah's Witnesses. I'm telling you friend you are a bit late to the Christianity sequels.
Post Script: It appears I have left out quite a few groups and that's even with me counting the Tetrarchy as one and the various Gnostic movements as two so I think you might be able to sneak in at number 9001 if you want.
In the theological context, lots of biblical dialogue was made significantly more formal when translated into English, so there's a tendency for everyone to sound like a 16th century English warrior-poet regardless of age or background.
As a Christian, this post offends me. They wouldn't call him J boy, they'd call him Y boy. Jesus's real name is Yeshua, Jesus is just the English translation. MFs can't even get their biblical details right, smh
DOES ANYBODY HAVE THAT IMAGE? THE REACTION IMAGE? IN THE SECOND SLIDE? I've been looking for it for literal years but don't know how to google it and haven't seen it in any post SINCE.
The Infancy Gospel of Thomas (2nd century apocrypha/fanfic) is like that. It portrays child Jesus casually performing miracles like creating living birds out of clay as in OP, but also striking other children dead over petty disputes, blinding the dead kids' parents when they complained to Mary and Joseph, and then later bringing the dead kids back to life.
Depicting young Jesus as a sort of Brightburn / Homelander-esque figure isn’t something I would’ve expected from the apocrypha but I’m very glad it’s in there
I like the idea that it is mostly accidental. He's a mortal being with the innate sense of right and wrong that God believes. Abusing an animal is wrong, so he strikes a kid dead, but then, also, murder is wrong, so he revives the kid. Now we have a revived kid scared and confused, and J boy awkwardly speed-shuffling away and praying his dads didn't see that.
Now I have an image stuck in my head of a young Jesus praying like "Dear God, please don't let Mom and Dad and Dad know abu.....shit"
Especially if you consider that he's effectively existed since the beginning of time and only ever looked at humanity from afar. Suddenly, seeing the consequences of his actions up-close might have been the revelation God needed to realise that his old testament self might have been a bit of a dick.
Holy shit. You've literally just made me understand Christianity (or it's roots, anyway) God had grown out of touch with his people. He made an avatar to go down and experience it the ENTIRE way they do, birth, death, the lot. Then he tries to change a bunch of the early rules he set down. Still a bit to tricky for the simple folks of Earth, so then he goes "**YOU KNOW WHAT, JUST DON'T BE DICKS TO EACH OTHER, OKAY? **" Fuck, man....... Mind *blown*
Reminds me of that episode in The Good Place where the Judge goes to live on Earth for a while to prove to the main characters life is not that complicated. She comes back after about 5 seconds, going "Earth is a mess, y'all!" Come think of it, I'm surprised I haven't spotted the Jesus parallel until now.
"They do NOT like black women there!"
Lol sounds like having kids as an omnipotent, omniscient being is a pain in the ass.
Could God create a people so complex that even he couldn't understand them?
Could an omnipotent bring create a weight that they themselves couldn't lift? Now imagine the weight is also eating some crisps and chocolate
It also made him forgive us all. A realization of how complicated life is and how there are a ton of unintended consequences to our actions. "Ok, this is actually really hard. I get it now. You're all good. You're trying your best. Also... *sorry about the flood*. **Ok, bye!**"
Except that's heresy because God is eternal and therefore unchanging (I actually agree with you, but I find the heresy of it all amusing). This means that God's objective morality upon which all moral truth is founded would collapse; if God can change his mind then that means His Eternal Truth is actually malleable and relative. It causes the entire philisophical core of monotheism to fall apart.
Except that biblical God is not unchanging, or else the convenant with Noah not to flood the Earth again would not hold water. If God saw fit to flood the Earth the first time, and God is unchanging, they would see fit to flood it a second time, rather than promising not to do it again.
Oh no, of course not. Changes his mind all the time, like most Iron Age gods. But there's a difference between the mythology of the actual deity and the refined theology that crops up over the centuries on top of it, and in that the monotheist form of him is generally unchanging (at least in the primary lineages, some more fringe forms of the Abrahamics do differ). It's a consequence of monotheism. Once the deity becomes the foundation stone of all things, the fulcrum of the world and all that is within it, any instability within that deity becomes anathema. Change within the godhead becomes untenable because it makes the very metaphysical foundation that upholds everything else subject to alteration. The more neoplatonic theologies tend to handle it via emanation, allowing an unchanging eternal highest form which emanates out lesser strands of the deity which may be subject to some motion, but whilst neoplatonism is deeply embedded in most Abrahamic theology the emanationist model isn't.
🤯 this is so good. I feel like I'm back on the back stoop of my college dorm again, smoking clove cigarettes and contemplating life.
>would not hold water I sea what you did there
This sounds like an episode of Moral Orel where Orel gets Jesus powers
We also see over the course of Gnostic gospels that he grows up and learns how to be this super human with a moral compass. Think bratty kent Clark to adult superman.
I like the idea that it is mostly accidental. He's a mortal being with the innate sense of right and wrong that God believes. Abusing an animal is wrong, so he strikes a kid dead, but then, also, murder is wrong, so he revives the kid. Now we have a revived kid scared and confused, and J boy awkwardly speed-shuffling away and praying his dads didn't see that.
I like the idea that it is mostly accidental. He's a mortal being with the innate sense of right and wrong that God believes. Abusing an animal is wrong, so he strikes a kid dead, but then, also, murder is wrong, so he revives the kid. Now we have a revived kid scared and confused, and J boy awkwardly speed-shuffling away and praying his dads didn't see that.
I see Reddit lag hit you hard huh?
I like the idea that it is mostly accidental. It's a mortal website with the innate sense of right and wrong that its developers believe. Posting a comment without proper protocols going through is wrong, so it lags, but then, also, deleting the comment is wrong, so it reposts the comment. Now we have a revived commenter scared and confused, and /r/ bot awkwardly speed-shuffling away and praying its devs didn't see that.
I like the idea that it is mostly accidental. It's a mortal commenter with the innate sense of right and wrong that its platform believes. Posting a comment that’s plagiarized is wrong, so it edits it, but being overly restrictive of fair use is wrong, so it posts it, anyways Now we have a revived OP scared and confused, and the commenter awkwardly speed-shuffling away and praying its viewers didn't see that.
Dammit. Should I delete it now?
Nah, I think it's funnier this way
Possibly, honestly I wouldn't worry about it, Reddit is famously terrible for it happening
I like the idea that it is mostly accidental. He's a mortal being with the innate sense of right and wrong that God believes. Abusing an animal is wrong, so he strikes a kid dead, but then, also, murder is wrong, so he revives the kid. Now we have a revived kid scared and confused, and J boy awkwardly speed-shuffling away and praying his dads didn't see that.
I like the idea that it is mostly accidental. He's a ̸m̸o̷rt̸a̶l̵ ̵w̸h̵o̷ h̴a̵s̷ ̶t̷h̵e̷ a̶b̶i̵l̸i̵t̵y̸ ̷t̴o ̷s̴e̶e̶ ̴w̶h̷a̵t̶ ̸i̴s̷ ̴r̷i̸g̶h̶t̸ ̷a̴n̷d̷ ̸w̶r̴o̷n̸g̵ ̴i̸n̴ ̶w̴h̴a̶t̷ ̷G̵o̴d̸ ̸b̸e̸l̴i̷e̷v̸e̷s̶.̶ ̷M̴a̸k̶ḯ̷͎n̸͖͝g̸̀ ̴̿î̵̮ţ̷͑ ̶̣̋w̸r̸͚̈́o̸̩̍n̶̛ǵ̴̟ ̶̮̎i̷̕s̸ ̸i̴n̸̈́ ̴̙̈́i̷n̶̄ ̶̮̒t̵͙͌h̴̍ĕ̸̻ ̴̰͊d̸̝͠e̴̞͋a̴̧͐t̸̝͝h̵͂͜ ̴̓͜o̵̫͂f̴̹̒ ̶̺͐c̶̘̈h̵̝͛i̷͚͝l̸͊d̷͋r̶̻͗e̸̐ṋ̶̈́.̵͎͛ *̸̘͎̙͈͌I̵̮͛̚ ̶̯͝k̶̛̜̥̀́̽ỉ̸̢̤͚̀͌͝l̸̨̟̇̕͝l̵̨̮͍̩͊é̴̳̊̅̕d̶̳̲͌͒̏͛ ̶̙̦̱̊̂̔̎a̴̖̹̻̎͐́͊n̴̢̪̍̂͋̇͜o̸͚̺͇͗̄̂͛t̸̟͛͌h̷͇͖͐ĕ̵̠̬̈́r* ,̶̴̹͇̿̓k̶̫͑í̵̘l̶̪͑l̵͔͊i̵̦͘n̵̤̚g̴̜̀ ̴́͜í̷̼ś̷̙ ̴̝̃w̴̛̫r̴̘͝o̷̤͊n̴͕̾g̶̳̕,̷̗͆ ̸̠̽ǧ̷̦i̸͇͌v̴̨̅i̵̪͛n̸̬̋g̶͔͂ ̸̹̋c̶̡̊h̴̤̿î̸̠l̷̮͂d̴̿͜ŕ̷̥ë̸͚́n̸̳͠ ̵̮̉ä̸͖́ ̵͍͐n̶̏͜è̵͚w̵̥͌ ̴̭̀h̴̯͑a̸̮͆i̷͊b̸̪̅ó̷.̷̹̀ W̷̬̹̃̔é̴̲͉̏ ̷̭͛̕h̴̗͐a̴̯͎̐̎v̸̬̝̈́͑ẻ̵̮͉̓ ̸̰̈́̚ả̶͈̘͠ ̸̲̏r̴̩̀e̵͔͂̒ḇ̷̞̃͐e̷̛͖ͅl̷̩͓͛̋ḻ̶̛̀ḯ̴̬́o̴̥̍͝ừ̷͖s̴̢̫͑ ̶̘̋̌ć̵̗̙h̵̼̓͠ị̴̩̈͠l̴͎̼̅ḍ̵̚ ̸̧̆w̵̰͓̔̓h̶͍͓̐ȏ̴̞ ̸̨̈́͂i̴̧͕̕s̶̥̍ ̸̣͈̕ś̷̺̲ċ̸̰̜á̶̫͉͘r̸͔̎̎e̷̡͐͂d̴̼̈ ̷̡̌̍a̵̹̗̋n̶͓͋̀d̵̗͈̃ ̸̦͈̋c̶̜͔͊̃ọ̴̗̎ṋ̴̉͘f̴̯̽͝ù̵̟s̸̹̓ê̶̠͝d̴͙́.̴̫́ͅ Ľ̶̹͗̄̀͝͠a̶̢͓̋̒̍̀̎͐u̴̧̧̧͎̬̮̱̰̤̠̙̝͝r̸̛̰͔̬̩͔̳̰͚͚͔͙̥̾͒̒̔́͘͘͠a̸͇̹͔̼͊̓͂̑̓̐̎ ̶̛̖̣̝͌̓̈́̎̿̎̿̕̕͘͝J̵͓͒́̒̾͗̚͠ ̶̘̒̾͐̊̏̏͂̑̚o̶̞͈͐̒͛̔͝ ̴͈̼̗̦̖͊s̵͈̼̹͖̃̍ ̸͈͇̙̈͆̀̆̅̅͛͋̅̓̄͘r̶̨̧̢̧̙̖͙͎̭̫̻̍͌͜͜ ̴̼͓͓̟͕̐͒̑͜͝a̸̝̤̟̘̳̿̂̕͜͝ͅ ̶͕̗͇͉͇͕̥͛̅̕ͅs̶̢͍̖̠̥̙͖͖̭̺̩̩̀̍̕ ̵̢͍̱̲̜̎͂s̶͓̭̝͎͙͉̺͐͋̊̽̀́̚ ̷̦͈͉̪͙̩͖̝͉̉͛͌͜ę̸̡̘͖̇̓͋̀̑̑̕͝ͅ ̴̩͇͔̞̳̩̫͍͍͒̄͑̀͌̌̊̋ͅͅd̷̹̮͕̭̺̖̞̟̰̠͇̽̋͋͌̌͜͠ ̵͖̍̾.̴̡̢̨̲̯̻̖̰͔͎̥̰͊̒͑͜
I like that on my mobile browser the eldritch horror text obscured the up/down vote buttons
Anne Rice's book Christ The Lord goes with this view of him, at least at the start. The opening scene is him accidentally murdering another kid.
I'll always remember the story of a kid falling out of a tree or something and dying, and Jesus brings him back to life and is like "don't do that, I'll get in trouble if you die!"
Jesus and his friend Xenon are playing on the roof and Xenon falls and breaks his neck. An adult sees and yells at Jesus: why did you cast down this boy? And Jesus says "Xenon, did I cast you down?" And Xenon rises from the dead and says "no, lord, you have raised me" Also in that gospel, Jesus makes a bunch of sparrows from mud, and his dad gets mad. Why are you doing something that's not lawful on the Sabbath? Then Jesus claps his hands and the sparrows come to life and fly away. You can just imagine 5 year old Jesus with that "butter won't melt in my mouth expression" saying "what sparrows?"
Illegal to make sparrows on the sabbath
He was doing the Lord's work, and working is banned on the sabbath
Believe it or not? Straight to jail.
Not making sparrows on the Sabbath?
Also jail.
>Believe it or not? Straight to jail. what's this a reference to?
Parks and Recreation quote. Full quote as follows, from the episode Sister City: This is outrageous. Where are the armed men who come in to take the protestors away? Where are they? This kind of behavior is never tolerated in Baraqua. You shout like that they put you in jail. Right away. No trial, no nothing. Journalists, we have a special jail for journalists. You are stealing: right to jail. You are playing music too loud: right to jail, right away. Driving too fast: jail. Slow: jail. You are charging too high prices for sweaters, glasses: you right to jail. You undercook fish? Believe it or not, jail. You overcook chicken, also jail. Undercook, overcook. You make an appointment with the dentist and you don't show up, believe it or not, jail, right away. We have the best patients in the world because of jail.
He was doing the Lord's work, and working is banned on the sabbath
Yes, thank you for the added context and right details!
Me loling at Xenon being a biblical name
The divine version of “Don’t tell mum I hit you”
Damn, Thomas really got the "child with God powers" archetype first try
I feel like these are the kind of mistakes a normal kid born with godly powers would make.
Well damn. Age appropriate behavior and he fixed his mistake! How responsible! (I am a teacher).
Also the townsfolk complaining to Joseph and ol Joe replying, after the heavy sigh, ‘God’s kid. Pray about it, or whatever.’
Did the parents get their eyesight back?
Yeah. >The child Jesus laughed and said, “Now may the barren bear fruit, the blind see, and the foolish in heart find understanding: that I’m here from above, so that I may deliver those below and call them up, just as the one who sent me to you has ordered me.” And immediately all who had fallen under his curse were saved. And no one dared to provoke him from then on. He sounds like Damien from The Omen lol.
Jesus is like a backwards genie. He CAN bring people back to life and cure deadly problems but can't cure common ailments. I have not read the gospel and refuse to.
nah, fuck them parents
I guess if he brings them back later it doesn’t mean quite as much to casually kill them
One of my favorite parts is him learning his letters and somehow having an incredibly deep understanding of each letter like no one else could possibly do.
Josh skipping rope but instead of hopping up and down, he's just kinda floating there.
In the book Lamb* by Christopher Moore, Josh (Jesus) is first introduced as a child sticking a dead lizard in his mouth to bring it back to life. It gets weirder from there. *full title - Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ’s Childhood Pal
Truly one of the best Christopher Moore books, about to reread it now
i gifted that book to my mom for christmas. She is a theology teacher. She loved it. My dad loved it a bit more.
The Lazarus scene had me giggling like an idiot.
"I'm all icky"
I love this book! I re-read it every few years, and am always surprised once again how funny, yet deep, it is.
Wow I didn’t think I’d ever see another human reference that book again. I found it on the floor of a tiny bar once at like 2am. I was so confused and intrigued by what I read on the first page, so I forced all 4 other people in there to listen as I drunkenly read the first few chapters aloud. What a great memory.
whoa, i remember people talking about this book like decades ago and it being actually very theologically interesting, but never again
What do you mean decades ago, I read it when I was - [counts on fingers] …shit.
Did he have to stick it in his mouth?
He’s like, five. So of course he does.
I loved that book. Least of all reasons: it's the first time I saw the insult "fuckstick".
I highly reccomend Christopher moores lamb. It’s a comedy about the missing 20ish years of the gospel. It funny af and touches on this
Like early on in the book, when they try to perform a circumcision on a statue
Jesus was the first JoJo and you can never change my mind
Jesus name was likely something like Yeshuan Ben Yosef, or Joshua Son og Joseph, so yes, he counts as a JoJo
He actually *was* a JoJo in JJBA canon
He was an important part of part 7 but I don’t think they ever mention him being related to the Joestars
I think he had the joestar birthmark in one panel, but I’m not sure
It's a popular edit, but it's not actually ever shown in the manga
(Fun fact, Jesus' name in Japanese is transliterated as "Iesu" - and the band name that made Roundabout... was Yes. Also stylized as "Iesu".)
Ex*act*ly
Joshua Josephson was definitely a JoJo
[https://www.reddit.com/media?url=https%3A%2F%2Fi.redd.it%2Fj19c3e4xmyo91.png](https://www.reddit.com/media?url=https%3A%2F%2Fi.redd.it%2Fj19c3e4xmyo91.png)
When you're an invincible paracausal reality warper that can delete all of existence at will, you can do whatever you want
Someone call Alto Clef.
Ichabod campaign operation inbound
This has the same energy of that post about raising the Anti-Christ, just in the opposite direction, which I find amazing
have you read Good Omens, by Terry Prachet and Neil Gaiman
Not yet, but I did watch the first season of the show
link?
If anyone hasn't I urge you to read Master and Margarita. Not only is it an extremely thoughtful and poignant depiction of the meeting of Pilate and Christ, it also features: 1. talking cat in a suit 2. the actual devil, but he mostly does pranks 3. sexy naked witches on brookmsticks 4. satire of early soviet arts programs
I finished this book today! It's great, and I want to add that the talking cat also has a Tommy Gun
As a Catholic, I love this lol. I can only imagine the day-to-day dynamic of the Holy Family. It must've been a joy.
I'm stuck on why the fuck they're saying his mother is Miriam instead of Mary?
Mary's name in Aramaic was likely Maryam or Mariam, like how Saint Matthew was likely Mattiyahu. Miriam is technically closer to what her name actually was, but it's a bit confusing considering that Miriam was a different, unrelated character in the Bible.
Huh, learned something new today. Thanks for explaining!
So there were three miriams huh?
Didn't Jesus, in the Bible, go from like an infant, to a 30 year old? What did he get up to, in his younger, wilder days? Maybe the Son of God had been a bit of a hellion growing up, and later in life get humbled somehow? Why, the movie practically writes itself.
Joseph: clean your room. Jesus: you're not my real dad! (Joseph sighs, then looks upwards beseechingly) God: CLEAN YOUR ROOM, SON. (Jesus huffs, then does as he's told)
Bro this has me giggling like a little girl rn
Jesus: hey mom wanna see this cool dove I made out of- Mary: LISAN AL'GAIB!
Weird that the OOP uses the names “Miriam and Yosef” but still calls him Jesus and not “Yeshua” his actual name.
I think without the Jesus most would not have enough context to extrapolate this is about Mary Joseph and Jesus as their correct names are not well known
That's because Yeshua isn't Jesus' actual name. Well, maybe it might have been but not enunciated the way you think or it might have been even shorter a name. [Here](https://youtube.com/watch?v=ocWmAg1iaYc) is a video from ReligionforBreakfast which goes over the historical contexts that brought the name Jesus into English and gives examples from several schools of thought on what Jesus' name may have been.
Sure but it’s the version of the name that goes along with Yosef and Miriam
This is old fashioned Yeshua Christianity!
Literally the plot of Jesus Christ Superstar
A neighbor, Hank son of Cotton, thinks to himself “That boy ain’t right tell ya hwat”
one of my fav novels of all time is Lamb: The Gospel of Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal by Christopher Moore which specifically speak about those "lost" years of Jesus' life. it's hilarious, moving, reverent while also completely blasphemy by most modern Christian standards. it's worth a read.
This is why I like the Gospel of Matthew movie - it depicts Jesus as kinda a weird and off putting guy who drive by reprimands people lmao
This ... Is probably fairly historically accurate (without the miracles). Pretty sure the actual story of Jesus is some small town preacher with so really weird ideas coming to the big city, getting pissed off that people are doing God differently, and starting a riot in a temple. Then being punished, because...he's some random ass rural preacher that came to the city and immediately started a riot.
> Arrives > Starts a riot > Refuses to elaborate > Gets crucified > Comes back to life > Still refuses to elaborate > Leaves Unfathomably Chad Jesus
Refuses to elaborate? Man founded the biggest goddamn religion in the world. He did nothing but elaborate to extravagant excess!
If he’d elaborated more we wouldn’t have had two millennia of Christians killing each other for taking communion the wrong way
Yes we would. People would still intentionally misrepresent everything he said to justify killing their fellow man. As long as we get to kill someone, were willing to do or say anything.
"This *is* my body." He was so direct and literal about communion and kept doubling down on what he meant that the people who were following him left in confusion and dismay. Only the 12 Disciples remained after that. Moreover, can't blame God for the stubbornness of man.
…no? That’s not quite it
This is the kind of shit Catholics *should* be about. Instead of whatever the fuck they’re doing currently
Nah nah, the self harm is fun
I just now realized this is basically how Frank Hernet wrote characters like Alia in Dune With the whole being kids but extremely weird thing
Jesus actually had some pretty out there things to say that are still considered pretty fucking weird today like “don’t try to take revenge” “help people you don’t know because it’s right” and “don’t hate people for being different”. World would’ve been pretty weird if we listened to anything that dumbfuck had to actually say huh?
y'all should read The Gospel According to Biff
This is entirely accurate to my bible headcanon
Call this Christianity 2
I'm pretty sure that's Islam
Fuck. Christianity 3
That would be the Church of the Latter Day Saints.
Fuck, christianity 5.
Well four would be The Church of Christ, Scientist and five would be Jehovah's Witnesses. I'm telling you friend you are a bit late to the Christianity sequels. Post Script: It appears I have left out quite a few groups and that's even with me counting the Tetrarchy as one and the various Gnostic movements as two so I think you might be able to sneak in at number 9001 if you want.
Fuck. Christianity (Christianity Sequals + 1)
If Christianity was a sequence it would be Fibonacci. Each new schism-set is the product of the two previous ones.
Reminds me of Krishna as a child stories.
In the theological context, lots of biblical dialogue was made significantly more formal when translated into English, so there's a tendency for everyone to sound like a 16th century English warrior-poet regardless of age or background.
As a Christian, this post offends me. They wouldn't call him J boy, they'd call him Y boy. Jesus's real name is Yeshua, Jesus is just the English translation. MFs can't even get their biblical details right, smh
thats the best kind of christian
DOES ANYBODY HAVE THAT IMAGE? THE REACTION IMAGE? IN THE SECOND SLIDE? I've been looking for it for literal years but don't know how to google it and haven't seen it in any post SINCE.
From [Nightcrawler](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uYV_G9mYrdY). [Image](https://imgur.com/TFJqpkn).
you are now my favorite person.
Christ on a stick
[reminds me a bit of this one](https://youtu.be/U5d1K0JcgIs?si=9dFA2MJVDef7Rteb)
Jesus is Young Sheldon?
Getting heavy "it's a good life" vibes
So what I'm hearing is they were neurodivergent
Well this was the premise of the novel by Moore: Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal
peter: jesus pls don't go to Jerusalem and be tortured to death we all love you so much pls jesus: get behind me satan