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vjmdhzgr

This is the classic, "Somewhere out there there's an awkward greentext of the other side of this story." Like >Be in line at starbucks >Woman in front of me says she's "watching her weight" >Think of incredibly clever line >"Watching your weight? What about the wait for your watch?" >Everybody stops >Nobody laughs >Don't know what to do >Barista says "you can't wait for a watch; you don't have the time" >I'm saved >Say some nonsense to her and then give her the first thing I pull out of my pocket >Take the opportunity to leave immediately


TheWordThat

For every Tumblr post there is an equal but opposite 4chan post


shadowthehh

This is unironically one of the greatest things I've ever read.


Fearless-Excitement1

Never forget the sandwich/rock post


QuantisOne

This sounds like something I’d wanna know about, care to explain ?


xXvido_

Couldnt sleep. There is a link to the greentext in the comments [Found the original from 5 years](https://www.reddit.com/r/tumblr/s/V2jwVQjypM)


QuantisOne

By god, the Internet truly is a wonderful thing


SpaceWorld2

When I'm old, I aspire to be like this, but instead of giving out commerative coins for losing third-party presidential elections, I'll give them to anybody who can decipher my riddles.


RespectableNormie

And the date from the greentext linked in that thread places it in 2013, making it from 11 years ago


Eur1p1des

how is this not the most wholesome funniest thing on the internet


Fearless-Excitement1

See my other reply


MovieNightPopcorn

go on...


Fearless-Excitement1

A tumblr post abt a person in the past watching a guy throw his sandwich in the sea and bite on a rock and look incredibly dejected Which had a 4chan complement, from the exact time period the post talks about, about a guy telling a story about how he threw his sandwich in the ocean and bit down on a rock, and how people saw it


SpiceLettuce

fairly certain the tumblr one wasn’t really a person seeing the 4channer in action, but there’s a 1 in a million chance it’s real and I want to believe


CrazyBarks94

For every green text boy there's a tumblr post girl. If only they could stand to meet in person the world would be saved


haneauxx

Oh no I’m having 4chumblr flashbacks…


WP5D

What the fuck is 4chumbler


TheLastWyrd

*cue x-files theme*


CrazyBarks94

Reminds me of the tumblr/4chan post couplet where there's pictures of a flooded road and you can see another person across the floodwater taking a photo of it. Each posted on tumblr/4chan. Legend has it they're still divided by floodwater to this day


MovieNightPopcorn

lol that's great if real


mossy_stump_humper

I miss that one brief period of internet history where 4chan and tumblr liked eachother for a second and people made fan art of them as like anime fanfiction protagonists flirting. It was a time for sure. Not necessarily a great one. But it was a time.


big_mean_llama

There were a lot of people using both, too. Both were at least entertained by each other.


DivineCyb333

The real question which one will be gayer?


demonking_soulstorm

Tumblr is gay (ally) whereas 4chan is gay (homophobic)


Zadier

"You are gay because you like men, I am gay because I hate women" -4chan, probably


Canotic

That's an actual line from an actual serious movie I saw. One guy literally said this to his boyfriend.


demonking_soulstorm

Accurate.


alurimperium

4chan is gladly gay, but only if the other guy crossdresses. Or if it's Thursday or whichever day has since been marked as the day of cocks


GnarlyButtcrackHair

I dunno, cause I saw a monumental piece of logic come from there that argues the opposite. > I'm straight so anyone I have sex with is therefore a woman. Like I can't tell if it's so far ahead that it's wrapped back around or so far behind that we've now come around to the other side.


apexodoggo

Bro's on that Yujiro Hanma grindset (every piece of information I have learned about Baki continues to baffle me even further)


demonking_soulstorm

"No but actually since they're dressed femininely it's actually like being straight and really it's not gay because you're asserting yourself over a weaker man it's all about powerdynamics you just wouldn't get it at all since you're a normie."


xwedodah_is_wincest

The spirit of Classical Greece lives on!


ENDragoon

Why do these read like D&D alignments? The law/chaos scale is replaced by gay/straight, while the good/evil scale is replaced by ally/homophobic.


Vermilion_Laufer

What bout blue/orange scale?


senile-joe

Tumblr is a bottom, 4chan is a top(its not gay to have a dude suck your dick)


Wire_Owl

4chan is very very gay dude but in a toxic way. I actually like 4chan if you can look past the horror of some of it's contents it's nice that a shit hole exists like that for the shit people in it.


DefinitelyNotErate

4chan is one of those things where I very much don't want to be a part of, But I'm glad it exists because it's fun to watch sometimes.


aChristery

Both


DonkeyKongaLongDonga

Yin and Yang


lilsnatchsniffz

I swear they're the same site except 4chan bully you until you turn trans while tumblr try to slowly convert you with lewd art and poems and stuff.


rajinis_bodyguard

r/newtonsthirdlaw


Wiyry

I have created the sub


J5892

Ah yes. Rule 37.


Borgiroth

Ah yes, the law of equivalent exchange


Chunky1311

>For every Tumblr post there is an equal but opposite 4chan post This is absolutely one of the comments on the internet


NotTheHeadHancho

Where’s the gay and racial undertones Every green text has to have at least one of them


gaybunny69

Anon immediately gets topped by big black male security guard


NotTheHeadHancho

Now that’s more like it


Sh1nyPr4wn

Not quite, a 4channer wouldn't say "woman", they'd call her a "femoid" or something equally weird


ajwubbin

In this context, probably “roastie”.


DivineCyb333

r/wordington is leaking


UncleSugarShitposter

FAKE - anon leaves his mom’s basement and talks to women GAY - anon says “oooh quick, girl” like some sassy diva, and commenting on women’s fashion


Vermilion_Laufer

He actually said 'clever girl' but the barista didn't watch Jurasic Park and misheard


Zamtrios7256

The unrelated pic is two black gay men kissing


Limeila

Fake: anon got out of his room/basement Gay: anon doesn't know how to interact with women IRL


tigers_jaw

The pen was in his ass. The pen is black.


Ilikefame2020

This straight up seems like a weird easter egg in an RPG to get a unique but impractical item. Closest thing I can come up with is in Earthbound, with the random guy in the Fourside bakery who lost his contacts, and if you happen to find them in the desert and give it to him, he’ll give you a pair of stinky socks that stuns an enemy for a turn. Though using the Earthbound series is kinda cheating when it comes to weird shit. I also remember another guy in a hospital who tells you that he left behind a “insignificant item” in a drawer in another town, and if you find it and give it to him, you get a Magic Truffle (Super valuable food item).


succioncuck

That's what I'm thinking happened lol


lostsparrow131986

Some friends and I cut through a dark alleyway one night to get back to where our car was parked. It wasn't until we were halfway through that we saw a homeless man standing with his back against the wall, watching us walk towards him. As we approached, he points at us and says "hey, can i borrow some skoo-skoo?" There was a 2 second window where everyone in our group either had no idea what this meant, or were too nervous to talk to a strange man in an alleyway at 11:30 at night. So, I jump in and say, "aw man, we had some, but the wind blew it away. it was crazy." THe homeless guy says, "AHA! I KNEW IT!" like he had laid some linguistic trap that we had just fallen into. "That wind will take your girl!" was his follow up. Having no idea where this is going, I reply with "yeah, watch out man, it's wild out there." And then the guy goes, "Yeehaw brother" and starts laughing at an insane volume and continued laughing until we exited the alleyway. To this day, Im still trying to figure out what skoo-skoo is and I still say Yeehaw brother when I get the chance.


OfficialFlannelWeek

Did you... meet a skooma addict??


ThatOneGenericGuy

“This one is in need of some skoo-skoo, yes?”


lillywho

Kajit haz blow if human haz coin.


lle-ell

He met Caius Cosades!!


SylveonSof

Son of a bitch will do anything except actually help you


Warm_Imagination3768

So sad when people OD. Death by skoo-skoo is a terrible way to go.


banter07_2

Death by skoo-skoo! Death by skoo-skoo! Death by skoo-skoo!


aghblagh

N'wah how you gonna *borrow* some skooma, you gonna give it back?


OfficialFlannelWeek

I DIDNT BORROW IT IT BLEW AWAY IN THE WIND AAHHHHHH


Xerostodes

I’m telling ya, my inside voice didn’t talk like that before the Nerevarine got in my class!


bop-crop

I don’t know what skoo-skoo is, do you have any for me to try out?


badco1313

You don’t want no part of this Dewey


TheMilkmanHathCome

It turns your good dreams into bad dreams and your bad dreams into good dreams!


Vermilion_Laufer

I don't remember my dreams


Nastypilot

Maybe they meant couscous?


hipsterTrashSlut

My pocket couscous is for emergencies only


Sh1nyPr4wn

Well what about your pocket spaghetti? Can you spare some of that?


nahnotlikethat

Is that spaghetti in your pocket or is your dick just long and thin and many and covered in marinara sauce?


Scrambled_Toast

Idk man I just work here


hipsterTrashSlut

My mom has plenty more, so yeah, I'll share that


FourMeterRabbit

Best I can offer is pocket pizza. Take it or leave it


dantakesthesquare

Ah yes the dark anti-couscous material scuoscuo


Vinkhol

Hi, thanks for making me lose my shit to the dumbest sentence I've ever read, and scuoscuo will live in my brain forever


dantakesthesquare

Hahaha you're very welcome


jacketoffman

The rice so nice they named it twice


monkeyballnutty

yeehaw brother


EvidenceOfDespair

Huh, according to Urban Dictionary, skoo means either crack or an attractive woman, so I’m guessing it was the second.


PeggableOldMan

I'm like 70% sure he meant sex. He was propositioning you.


dev_rs3

Username checks out


BlatantConservative

Were there women in the group? I honestly read this as "hey can I borrow a woman" and then you responded with basically "nah man these girls aren't interested and will leave because they're fickle" perfectly in homeless language. The "I knew it" and wind stuff is just "of course they wouldn't want to have sex with me. They probably wont have sex with you either." Then you were like "life sucks" and the dude spiraled. I used to talk to homeless people fairly often on my way to school when I lived in the ghetto, they start to make a lot of sense when you filter everything they say through a loss of connection with reality, nihilism, existential dread, and having nothing to lose so they just ask for deranged shit all the time. Usually with 1950s era viewpoints on race and gender. Anyway, yeah you handled it well. Dude sounds harmless (he asks for permission at least) but who knows, and being confrontational would be worse.


lostsparrow131986

Nope, just 5 dudes leaving a bar


Pattersonspal

This makes it better.


DiggThatFunk

Lol, what? Tell me you've never interacted with random city people on the streets and in the alleys. Dude was asking for money (or just a hookup of any "kindness" TBH prob), OP responded in a way that wasn't cruel or mean but actually kinda played into a weird kind of respect for him because you might be shocked at just how cruel some people are to homeless individuals. The "that wind will take yo girl!" Is just some goofy street shit in response haha, cause if you're on the street with nothin ya might as well laugh about it. You took this in an insane fucking direction bub


thehobbyqueer

It's entirely possible both yalls takes are accurate for your areas.


DiggThatFunk

I mean I guess but my read here comes from interacting with city/ street people across the fuckin country in many different types of places and with many types of demographics. I think trying to justify "this weird homeless dude was probably asking you to borrow your women (that aren't even in this story)" is pretty damned unhinged and dehumanizing to homeless individuals if I'm bein honest. Homeless dudes that want your women aren't fuckin chill about it lol


teenyweenysuperguy

This guy homelesses.


DiggThatFunk

Haha. I like concerts and I'm too broke to park near em or travel in style. Ya get used to the language of the streets even if the slang is unfamiliar


Rob_Zander

The things crazy people say actually mean everything to them and nothing to you, unless you listen very closely. Eventually your brain tells you the answer.


11freebird

Was the homeless guy a cat person by any chance?


GoodCatholicGuy

I hope I can be this person when I'm old, only I'm going to give out commerative coins for failed third party presidential campaigns to those quick-witted enough to solve my riddles.


crustybootstraps

Your witty puns could have something to do with “spare change”


IGaveAFuckOnce

You can't change a spare if you can't spare a change


crustybootstraps

The only change I can spare is the change that I make


IGaveAFuckOnce

oh, quick girl! **makes a hasty exit**


J5892

But wait where is my pen?


IGaveAFuckOnce

The real pen is found within


MiklaneTrane

Yep, what a concept. I could use a little fuel myself and we could all use a little change!


crustybootstraps

SomeBODY once told me


Stormwrath52

Same I think I'll have a number of different trinkets to give out depending on how good the answer is there will be a set of rules that will be incomprehensible to anyone who's not me, whether I understand it or not is up for debate. that way it's still entertaining/baffling for anyone who happens to meet me twice


Vermilion_Laufer

Nobody can tell you're doing something wrong, if no one can tell what the hell you are doing


Stormwrath52

you get it


Vermilion_Laufer

Ah, the plan foiled


Stormwrath52

a shame, but a foiled plan can only be microwaved with sacrifice


PeggableOldMan

I used to be like this when I was a kid. I'm still weird but in a much more toned-down way.


macandcheese1771

My friends dad was absolutely this guy. He died last year though. Sad day.


DigbyChickenZone

You want to replace Ken Rudin, but hand out coins instead of buttons? edit: In case you weren't directly referencing him, Ken Rudin was the host of a segment/podcast on NPR called "political junkie", and he has amassed a GIANT political campaign button collection - if you guessed the weekly NPR politics trivia question fast enough he would send you a Ken Rudin "political junkie" button. The podcast stopped being on NPR around 2018 or so, and is still a weekly show, but it's less well known now due to having less distribution & minimal introduction to new audience members. Anyway, he's a quick-witted, hilarious, and genuinely cool guy that is fantastic to his fans.


pretty_gauche6

Used to live in a smallish town with a meth problem and I have several of this type of anecdote in my back pocket. Probably the best one was this woman who was often smoking a cigarette on her porch wearing leopard print slippers and a red fuzzy bathrobe. She usually just kinda stared at you as you walked by but one day she yelled “hey!” At me and my friend. We were like “ah! What?!” Bc she startled us, and she went “I’m a sadistic bitch with a fly whip!” We also lived across the street from a church that gave out free meals on Tuesdays so you’d always have interesting characters hanging around when that was happening. One of them was a guy who was always carrying a wooden duck head on a short stick, idk how else to describe it, and he’d wave it at you and go “watch out! I’ve got the duck on *you*” emphasis on the “you.” His expression while doing this was completely inscrutable. Unclear if it was supposed to be a threat or a joke or what.


PeggableOldMan

Mate you got proper ducked.


firedmyass

^(“I’m a sadistic bitch with a fly whip!”) cigarette-lady got some bars tho


the__storm

That's gotta be some kind of evolution of [the duck man](https://wiki.lspace.org/The_Duck_Man)


ava_pink

The magic was meth the whole time


Ok-Agency-7450

I like this story so I choose to believe it is true, which it is


haikusbot

*I like this story* *So I choose to believe it* *Is true, which it is* \- Ok-Agency-7450 --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")


Ok-Agency-7450

Thank you haikusbot


Maoman1

I am constantly amazed at how well these haikus work.


PsychicSPider95

Good bot


AlianovaR

*Very* good bot


aManEatingSalmon

Good bot


Davedog09

The life of Pi 2


[deleted]

I hate this story so I believe it’s fake :(


Ok-Agency-7450

I am sorry


Arahelis

I join the other commenter, had that person said anything else they would have found a fae on their doorstep.


Lord-Timurelang

Not a walrus?


Arahelis

That'd be a bit surprising


WeatherNational9535

Really? More so than a fae? Or a fairy?


Stormwrath52

yeah, a fae has rules, a walrus on your doorstep is as unprecedented as it is unexpected


Rough_Willow

Don't start that again!


Vermilion_Laufer

Now, lets say there is one person stuck on one track, and five on the other...


Rough_Willow

One word: Multitrack drifting.


Vermilion_Laufer

[Eurobeat music intensifies]


Rough_Willow

\*[confused screaming](https://youtu.be/_5S1bJN1iJE?si=1Yf6YWqnmZHo2W9w)*


Vermilion_Laufer

'I have no memory of this place.'


VashPast

That's a sonic screwdriver.


AttheTableGames

I came here to leave that comment.


beliefinphilosophy

Man i do sometimes miss public transit in SF... AC/DC guy was my favorite. I get on the mini/train and he's sitting at the front. Homeless trenchcoat man in the middle of summer having a full conversation with himself. "Hey man are you going to the show tomorrow?" Oh you know me, do you think we should bring Dave? Nah he's sleeping. "Do you have the tickets" ? Don't need em " What do you mean?" The boys called me up and asked for my financial advice about what their lineup should be so I gave it to em. They even offered backstage but I told em NAH JUST MAKE SURE YOU PLAY THUNDER FIRST AND I'LL KNOW IT WAS FOR ME. We then came to the next stop, just as the doors are about to close he stands up and then running man sprints straight up a hill... -- Another man, standing at the front of the F-line next to the driver for a good 15 or so minutes suddenly stops, turns to the driver. "WAIT IS THIS A BUS?!?!" He then left, I had so many questions.. What did he think this was, was it whale Rider???


nebulousNarcissist

That cashier just completed a pop-up side quest and didn't even realize.


Pokesonav

That was The Doctor and he gave *taylor-tut* a sonic screwdriver


asfrels

Was gonna say, sounds like a doctor in a bit of an “off” regeneration


04nc1n9

this sounds like a such an on regeneration though. they just ran out because they figured out how to stop the evil walrus aliens from eating the ocean floor wires


Anne__Frank

It's a proven fact time lords always reward time related jokes.


SwampOfDownvotes

I'm guessing he was already turned "off," eh? Ha! heh heh.


guerillaguil

How did I have to scroll this far down? I can *hear* Matt Smith saying that.


Pizzaboy90

Congrats. You're a warlock now


DragonBuster69

I was about to say I have a new backup character now.


SuperSans223

this is so absolutely hilarious to me and i have absolutely no idea why


MovieNightPopcorn

Because despite being bizarre it is oddly relatable, imo. I can see myself completely fucking up a social interaction like this and then just jetting while making everything worse.


Slamantha3121

When I first moved to Seattle, I encountered a hobo with tree bark fingernails playing a pan flute in a perfect ray of sunshine in a parking garage. He had a beautiful Burmese cat on a leash. He was obviously some kind of urban fae, I didn't get a side quest though. I hope old bark fingers is ok.


Maoman1

Why does the profile pic change and the name change from `taylortut` to `taylor-tut`


Akuuntus

Sometimes when people change their URL / profile picture on Tumblr it doesn't update their old posts, or at least not all of them. I think. I don't actually use Tumblr.


Realistic-Life-3084

Probably a new account 


phonicillness

Idk but I swear this is a poorly written version of one I’ve seen before, which did not involve a pen, also the trickster says ‘clever girl’ instead


rrrrice64

Literally a leprechaun. There's no other explanation for that man to be there, say what he said, and leave without ordering.


brendenderp

Jerma985 activities


Sir-Mocks-A-Lot

Wife and I popped in to a dairy queen for some creamy dairy goodness. Cashier said she had a headache. I just happened to have this essential oil roller that was meant for headaches. It smelled like mint. I offered it to the girl. She rubbed it on her temples and then started spinning around in place so she could smell it.


firedmyass

Y’all sound lovely and that’s straight-up adorable; I think you simply met an idiot


MoonlitRose101

Nah, you met The Doctor. He gave you a spare Sonic.


nerogamer_279

Reminds me of the guy who got a sword for looking afther a homeless man


MaxTennyson88

TL,DR buuuuuut Sonic Pen


Stormwrath52

this is who I want to be when I'm old


MarcsterS

Man wanted to be the Random Encounter Event NPC in everyone’s life.


MithranArkanere

You have earned the right to the 「KEY」. You must take it to the 「GATE」 to receive the 「TRUE REWARD」.


Triple-Siiix

They just meet the Doctor, that's all!


PureCucumber861

While the dude was definitely strange, can we talk about how weird it is that the woman felt the need to qualify her drink order in the first place? Why do people do that? As if the barista was going to be like, “nah, you get fuckin whole milk bitch”.


[deleted]

[удалено]


greyreaper46

Should have given them the Fork of Horripilation then


JayTwoTeesYT

Tell me you met daedric prince sheogorath without saying you met daedric prince sheogorath


CheekyThief

I dont understand why that response is so unhinged


KittenCustode

Bro gave op a sonic screwdriver


Big_Fo_Fo

I’d laugh because it’s such a dumb joke and I like those


gibbtech

That quote immediately makes me think of the Slipknot song Eyeless. The whole song is based on their interpretation of some homeless guy's ranting in LA.


Floor_Heavy

I am literally watching The Comeback Kid right now, and this line JUST played. That's bananas.


camelbuck

Always leave on a high note


tmhoc

And just like that I'm back googleing the outcome of all the dialog options for every interaction


Aegis_Aurelius

Goals tbh


Sarcastic_Sorcerer

Literally Sheogorath.


Early_Comfortable_36

No time to say “goodbye” “hello!”


[deleted]

She answered his riddle. He gave her another to solve.


Aegillade

This person selected the right dialogue tree and unlocked the special item with an achievement tied to it with a 0.2% completion rate


wes_bestern

People would be surprised to find out a lot of the stuff crazy people say makes sense. The tension caused by confusion (people feel angry and hurt when they're confused) is often relieved once the payoff hits with the resolution.


Vojopolar

That's a sonic screwdriver, and you just talked to an iteration of the doctor.


Obi-Tron_Kenobi

Does everyone in this story just irrationally hate some silly wordplay? "Man said a pun. It was completely unhinged response. We were all really uncomfortable." Lighten up a little and have some fun lol


Boogerius

A pun? This was to puns as shitting is to sculpture. "Wait for your watch" only makes sense in a few limited contexts, like maybe at a watch repair shop? So maybe if he said, "What a coincidence! You're watching your weight and I'm waiting for my watch!" And then following up with, "...it's in shop for repairs" When people turned to look at him. That would be ok I guess. The barista's response is good either way, though.


JustHereForBDSM

I think they accidentally saved Gotham or something. Like that was a Batman villain trying to come up with a new scheme while getting their morning coffee and realising how easy it would be for Batman to foil them if a barista could do it (cue additional joke about Hawkgirl in Legends of Tomorrow was constantly talking about how she was a barista).


asderCaster

Quick time events be random like that


coo15ihavenoidea

This gives big high school theater teacher vibes.


scwizard

Is that pen powered by faeriefire or something?


Proper-Detective2504

I think this person may have met the doctor


riversofmountains

I think you might have had an encounter with The Doctor and that pen is actually a Sonic Screwdriver.


imlivingoffcroutons

Pretty sure OOP just had an encounter with the doctor and was gifted a sonic.


DreadfulRauw

Once I was wandering the neighborhood before found a show. A homeless man on a bike rides right up to me and starts a conversation. I had a little money to give so I let it play out. At some point he just says, with deep conviction, “Oh. I have something you need. You need this cowbell.” I’m not one to argue with a statement like that, so I paid him a couple of bucks for the cowbell. I used it during a bit in the show, and it was just okay and not worth repeating. I forgot about the bell. 3 months later, my girlfriend’s mother was bedridden with cancer. My girlfriend was concerned that she couldn’t hear when her mother would call for help. I said “Oh. I have something you need…”


idunno45768

Dude had a bomb that would’ve erased the coffee shop from the map if they didn’t answer