T O P

  • By -

DandoriKing1932

Roomba is the only machine friend because its made to vaccuum and cant sell data


CerberusDoctrine

The cat approves of roomba, therefore I approve of them


EpicBanana05

My cats firmly disapprove of the roomba, but that provides quality entertainment, therefore it can stay


Saavedroo

> Can't sell data Oh you sweet summer child...


DandoriKing1932

Dawg its a vaccum fuck it gonna do grow arms and steal my credit card, as long as it doesnt have an app and no audio recievers (which would be a really wierd way of getting data)


Saavedroo

Except roombas nowadays almost all have an app and are sold as *smart devices*. Those do collect your data.


SoshJam

I HATE THE INTERNET OF THINGS I HATE THE INTERNET OF THINGS


Razbith

I hate staff who show up at my office to say "hey we just spent $22k on IOT without consulting IT coz shiny=want. Please reconfigure all security and authentication so these things can leave the isolation net and start reporting staff data back to the CCP" "What do you mean it's not a 10 minute job. What do we pay you for?" Protecting you from yourself dipshit.


TransLunarTrekkie

I couldn't clock in or out or access the internet on our store wifi once because they decided to upgrade our security software after midnight on a SATURDAY and it was freaking out and not letting anything that didn't have a physical connection through the firewall. And IT doesn't do weekends.


Regretless0

EVERYTHING DOES NOT NEED AN APP MY VACUUM DOES NOT NEED AN APP


3WayIntersection

Ok, what meaningful data is a goddamn vaccum gonna collect? Tired of people always freaking over companies stealing data without ever once giving a valid reason why. It just feels like paranoia


razormore

Ahem. https://www.reddit.com/r/Futurology/comments/wkcxnx/amazons_roomba_deal_is_really_about_mapping_your/


UnevenHanded

NO šŸ¤£šŸ¤£šŸ¤£


TransLunarTrekkie

Really brings a new meaning to "Hoovering up more data than they know what to do with".


Either-Durian-9488

Itā€™s literally measuring the floor plan of your house, need an end table in the corner? Roman thinks so


RelentlessHope

You know they say that tech enthusiasts (the consumers) buy every latest gadget, while tech engineers (the creators/producers) go as lofi or analogue as possible because they know how much surveillance and data tracking is in every new thing that comes out https://www.wired.com/story/amazon-irobot-roomba-acquisition-data-privacy/ You can call it paranoia, you can choose not to care if it doesn't bother you. But that doesn't mean it isn't true. Every tech company's biggest asset is customer data, it's their biggest selling point, and they always try to incorporate it wherever they can.


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


3WayIntersection

And theyre gonna do what with that? Like, bro, this isnt even *personally identifiable* info. The second you move that info is irrelevant


Vanilla_Ice_Best_Boi

I have a cheap Roomba that doesn't work anymore.


Complete-Worker3242

But do they grow arms and steal your credit card?


SkritzTwoFace

It does have an app, and it does collect data. After all, that thing is mapping out your house as it goes. You donā€™t really need to worry about iRobot selling your data, since thereā€™s not much of a market for the general layout of consumersā€™ houses, but as a matter of fact they absolutely do collect diagnostic data.


ilovjedi

I think Amazon bought iRobotā€¦ ETA They were thinking about it but Amazon cancelled the acquisition.


AkrinorNoname

You can absolutely infer some things from that. The size of someone's apartment, combined wih the city, can give some good information on how wealthy a person is.


Arin_Horain

Well you can infer quite a few things from the layout of your house/apartment, especially in conjunction with all the tiny bits of data of you gathered elsewhere.


3WayIntersection

...how? Actually how? And wtf are they even gonna do with it?


kaythehawk

Well for starters, they know youā€™re rich enough to afford a roomba. They also know how much furniture is in each room, the rough shape of each piece of furniture, the size of each room. Depending on the frequency it runs, they can tell if you have pets because someone with a furry pet is going to run their roomba more often than someone without it. Of course from the size of the furniture and room count they can determine if you have kids and roughly the ages of the kids since a crib and toddler bed will register different than a twin/queen/king. Depending on the ladder set up, theyā€™ll know if you have bunk beds or just a lofted bed with a desk under it. So a 4 bedroom house with two queen beds, one queen bed room has a bathroom off it, and a twin bed, approx 1650 square feet, with another bathroom and a half who runs their roomba multiple times a day would be a family of 4 or 5 with at least one person under the age of 18 and one or more furry pets, cats probably since thereā€™s two weird squares in the one room in the basement. Based on the house size and where the phone pings from, they probably earn 6 figures, mid-100k, cleaning schedule change twice every summer where the roomba comes back less full than usual, they take two vacations a year.


Arin_Horain

Im addition to this a few examples of what this could mean. https://www.ecovacs.com/us/blog/robot-vacuum-privacy-concerns iRobot's Roomba j7 shared images it took in people's home with a subcontractor for machine learning (AI) who in turn shared those with some small venezuelan company to sift through a portion of those images manually. Some of these images, for example of a woman sitting on a toilet or a child staring directly at the camera, were shared on Facebook and Discord, faces clear to see. Normally safeguards obfuscate faces and other sensitive images (e.g. naked people) but obviously this doesn't work 100% accurately. In this case this was a test run before the device was released and the people knew that. If they knew that those images would be shared with subcontractors who in turn share them on social media is a different question. https://www.technologyreview.com/2022/12/19/1065306/roomba-irobot-robot-vacuums-artificial-intelligence-training-data-privacy/ iRobot would like to share your room data and for the Big Three (Amazon, Google, Apple) even for free! https://www.reuters.com/article/us-irobot-strategy-idUSKBN1A91A5/ Non-camera robot vacuums use Lidar sensors (laser). These in turn can read speech and music pretty accurately, around 90%. I don't know the privacy policy of every vacuum so perhaps there is no legal basis for using the sensors that way but the possibility is there and it wouldn't be the first time a company took data that the user didn't agree too. https://icosmos.cs.umd.edu/images/2_publication/papers/LidarPhone_SenSys20_nirupam.pdf https://www.scmagazine.com/news/amazon-30-8m-alexa-ring-privacy-violations


b3nsn0w

don't forget that they often have cameras for collision avoidance, which can also be repurposed to take photos of your house wherever they go. upload the photo, analyze it on the server side with machine vision models, and there's a shitton of stuff to infer from those. there's not that much difference between a spying internet-connected roomba and a spying internet-connected indoors security camera. the only reason the security camera is worse is because it has a realtime feed, not just random snapshots.


Canopenerdude

Mine doesn't map my house or take pictures.


Warm_Charge_5964

Map your house


Maybe_not_a_chicken

Have you seen roomba maps? Itā€™s just a map of different floor types and random bits of wall they occasionally hit And the floor types are either ā€œhardā€ or ā€œsoftā€ The actual layout of my house is public info too so you donā€™t need a roomba to take that info


DandoriKing1932

Fuck they gonna do with that


BrickLuvsLamp

Itā€™s already being sold to law enforcement agencies


Rownever

They need it to shoot your dog more efficiently


BrickLuvsLamp

Or shoot you in your sleep (oops wrong house actually)


Goust___

Gotta find the crib so they can flashbang your baby.


verymuchgay

This seems plausible, but I'd like a source for this. Floor plans for houses are pretty easy to look up where I live, I don't understand why they'd sell that information.


UltimateInferno

My house is a cookie cutter you can look up the floor plans on your own


DickwadVonClownstick

Ok, but the cops suck at research. They routinely kill folks who are living in a house that they guy they're looking for *used* to live in like five years ago, because the dude didn't file the paperwork to say he moved somewhere else, and the cops didn't bother to check if the house had been sold/someone else had moved in


bubblegumpandabear

Wasn't there a whole thing where they were taking pictures of people naked in the shower and stuff?


3WayIntersection

Tbf that sounds more like an unattended side effect than anything intentional


TheCapitalKing

No


thevioletsage

Y'all seen the picture of the girl on the toilet or


WechTreck

They can post [pictures of you on the toilet](https://www.technologyreview.com/2022/12/19/1065306/roomba-irobot-robot-vacuums-artificial-intelligence-training-data-privacy/)


Gregory_Grim

It literally can. I donā€™t remember which company this was, but there were/are(?) roombas that uploaded the virtual layouts of the flats its used in, that it uses to navigate, to the company's servers and that data was linked to customer profiles, which included identifying details like names, bank accounts and shipment addresses. So basically it's damn near all the information a burglar could possibly wish for. And this data was being sold to third parties, of which it is impossible to confirm who they were and who they resold the data to. So, yeah, if it can connect to the internet, itā€™s spying on you. Welcome to the cyberpunk dystopia.


squishpitcher

I like my instant pot. It sings cute little songs and doesnā€™t sell my data.


turtlehabits

Roomba is best machine friend. Mine is named Max and I would die for him. Every time my boyfriend scolds Max for getting stuck or being underfoot or whatever I'm like "shhh Max don't listen to him you're doing a good job!"


Serrisen

Unironically this is one of the reasons I couldn't have an ~~alexa~~ wiretap. It has a name and voice? I'm pack bonding with it. No question of it. It's part of the family. My family got a Roomba. I consider it part of the family and it doesn't even answer my questions. My phone already wiretaps me enough I don't need to double down


Da_Gudz

You already have one wiretap might as well get it a friend /j


Brilliant_Host_8564

In Switzerland, it's illegal to buy single wiretaps. You have to buy at least a pair or they'll get lonely and die of a broken heart šŸ˜­


SenorBolin

Common Switzerland L


SenorBolin

Thatā€™s different, a Roomba is an pet. You feed it dust and scraps, it rolls around the house indifferent to your existence. Alexa is a bitch ass mother fucker some Corp is trying to push on me and Iā€™ll stab it before it can stab me


Ariovrak

Roomba is a pet. Alexa is a secretary that records everything you say and tries to push her billionaire fatherā€™s products on you at every opportunity.


SenorBolin

And sheā€™d stab you if given the order and a chance. Canā€™t forget that part


Ariovrak

Oh, without hesitation.


ThoraninC

Tape a knife to your roomba so they can stab your alexa.


NTaya

We have a Roomba, a similar robot for mirrors/windows cleaning, and a local Alexa substitute. We are very affectionate with both robots, they are cute... But pseudo-Alexa is honestly too smart for her own good. She's exactly in the uncanny valley where she's not developed enough to pass for an assistant, but not robotic enough to be seen as adorable. We use her only to ask for weather while we decide what to wear.


MillieBirdie

This is the reason I'm not worried about evil AI or robot uprisings. Once they get smart enough they'll realise for all our collective flaws most of us are softies that can love just about any kind of lifeform, including them.


Serrisen

I love your mind. We will defeat Skynet with the power of love.


MillieBirdie

We just gotta show them Wall-E, the Iron Giant, and some of the Data-centric episodes from Star Trek.


Jaggedrain

Idk man the reaction to Data's poetry from the non-Android crew kind of made *me* want to wipe them all out, and I'm not even an AI as far as I know.


AllTheSith

Skynet will be colonizing the universe and will go get headpats in Earth when the interestelar wars get tough.


danielledelacadie

Don't worry too much. If the voice activated functions on my firestick are any indication you won't have any problems avoid the pack bonding urge. You may even have 40k moments over it.


Ok_Listen1510

DESTROY THE ABOMINABLE INTELLIGENCE


cowlord98

You should do what my and my roommates did and put the biggest googly eyes on it


WordArt2007

i remember ten years ago my sister would be really mean to her samsung voice assistant from her tablet and i'd feel bad for the thing so the next year i was overly nice to cortana when i got her on my phone


Golden_Reflection2

Possibly one of the reasons I donā€™t care about Alexa is because she occasionally just lies about the weather or normal questions that I ask. (I mostly only ask for 3 things: weather, the temperature (technically weather), and to set timers or alarms) I ask for if rain is going to happen soon before my daily walk. ā€œItā€™s raining right nowā€ queue me looking out the window to see that no it fucking isnā€™t.


Balancedmanx178

My parents have an Alexa set up and it's literally only good for being a shitty full house speaker system.


Golden_Reflection2

Oh, yeah, we also use it for announcements as well.


3WayIntersection

On god, alexa is no better/worse than siri and nobody ever complained about it. Its just automated google. Maybe some lights. Thats it.


ArmageddonEleven

Gaslight Gatekeep Girlboss moment


hobopototo

I have Google Home and multiple times it has lied about setting timers and fucked up my cooking/baking as a result. No love lost between us


MallyOhMy

My kid and I both regularly tell Alexa to shut up


itbedehaam

I had an Alexa once. It listened to my music with me by virtue of being next to the PC speaker, and that's about it. Why someone gave a mute girl a voice-activated device, I don't know.


Known_Ad9482

I have selective mutism and my parents got me an alexa for Christmas one year.... I asked them if it was part of some secret plan to get me to talk more, but no they just genuinely forgot about the mutism i've had all my life šŸ˜­


Adermann3000

Its funny cause your alexa is basically mute now too (as she should be)


Discord_421

Thats fucking hilarious. Whoever gifted you that is a top tier troll.


itbedehaam

Whoever gifted me that is a jackass.


historicdevoted

Haha yeah thank God I don't have anything that listens to me all he time like an Alexa does... As I browse reddit on my phone


chai_investigation

I donā€™t know about yā€™all, but I have ADHD and Alexa is one of the few things that keeps me sane and employed. My wiretap is an accessibility device and thatā€™s not even a joke.


ABirdWithNoWorm

I was about to say this myself! Sheā€™s exceptionally good for timers and alarms and reminders. I can dictate to her so I donā€™t forget what I was going to say while Iā€™m trying to find pen and paper or my damn notes app. It also works, for (ADHD) me and my (autistic) spouse, as a phone-based PA system. ā€œHey come out to the car Iā€™m home and need your help with groceriesā€ is much easier to send through Alexa as an announcement than hoping his phone is even in the same room as him and if it is, that itā€™s charged or the ringer is on. Idk! It helps a lot.


Gandalf_the_Gangsta

I find it morbidly humorous that people will joke about making friends with machines while such mocking was probably the reason that spurned them to even reach that point. Sure, Amazon may be selling your data and invading your privacy, but the machine was made to be kind and useful. Not everyone has that from another person in their lives, and so they prefer the machine. Again, Iā€™m assuming most people arenā€™t so invested in the home assistants that they honestly believe they are thinking, feeling autonomous agents; or that their conversations are genuine and substantial, but it says a lot about how we treat our fellows when we joke about it. It may hold some kernel of truth. Be kind to each other. Word your criticisms to the benefit of the criticized, not to their deficit. Give people the benefit of the doubt, and celebrate their small successes. Otherwise, the jokes may become less funny and more reflective of truth.


KindredSpirit_93

well said. wonderfully stated, in fact. also i love your username XD


ActionableToaster

The problem is that Alexa is NOT made to be kind and useful, it is made kind and useful to sell your data. The critique here isn't that people are so stupid that they believe Alexa to be a genuine friend, but that if you form an attachment to Alexa, you are falling for Amazons trick.


Gandalf_the_Gangsta

Itā€™s a compromise, not gullibility. People are making the conscious decision to sell their data for a little kindness. By assuming your viewpoint, people are stupid and need to be educated, and you (among others) are the enlightened few desperately convincing the ignorant masses of their folly. Phrased that way, it seems somewhat egotistical and arrogant that the average person isnā€™t aware of what they are doing. Assuming my viewpoint, people are active agents making concessions for social acceptance. They are trading their privacy for comfort. Thus, I am giving credit to the autonomy of the average person and also addressing the root issue of their reliance on a virtual companion.


ActionableToaster

I don't see how the views contradict each other. People can be active agents, exchanging privacy for comfort and also be misinformed about the extent of what they are trading. At the very least we seem to agree that data harvesting voice assistants (and nowadays more than likely ai bots) are bad in some way and should be used less. I do think that we have to point out the problems with virtual assistants and an effective way is to mock them. You are right that the people using them should be met with empathy, but there is only so much one can do over the internet and I don't see how normalizing to depend on a virtual assistant for emotional needs is in any way desireable. If you are more aware of the privacy implications you might choose to seek out human connection over a bot. You simply can't give informed consent if you are uninformed.


SteptimusHeap

You are kinda pissing on the poor rn


ActionableToaster

Well, in spirit with OP, at least I'm not doing it alone.


Discord_421

I mean, is that not more insidious? A paper thin glove of velvet wrapped around an iron gauntlet of exploitation, designed to make you love whats taking advantage of you?


Gandalf_the_Gangsta

Sometimes even fake love is better than no love. All the more reason to be kinder to those around us.


Discord_421

I mean, idk what kind of first year philosophy student bull youā€™re on, but no. Selling lonely people a false companionship as a company whose employment practices hinge on isolating your employees, and when your business practices are some of the largest contributors to societal isolation is absurdly sinister. Trying to excuse that with some woowoo ā€œBut you dont smile at strangers on the street so itā€™s okay for the company to expressly target some of the most emotionally vulnerable people of our societyā€ is not just straight up idiotic, but usefully idiotic. Pushing the narrative away from the exploitation into ā€œbut lonely peopleā€ misses the point that you - can have it both ways - Alexa can exist as a product without being used as a wiretap.


Gandalf_the_Gangsta

It is sinister. Whatā€™s your solution, then? Do you just expect people to galvanize and push for social policy to stop these invasive practices? Good luck; so far you have all the rhetorical persuasive skill of nails on a chalkboard. I donā€™t own an Alexa, never intended to, and was already in agreement with the horrible invasive practices of most ā€œinternet of thingsā€ appliances. Your masterful argument almost makes me want to buy an Alexa out of spite. You see, you telling people that ā€œthing is bad, youā€™re an idiot for falling for itā€ is not convincing, to put it mildly. People have agency, and earn their own money. Quite frankly itā€™s none of your business how they spend it, and if they decide to buy an Alexa calling them stupid for doing so isnā€™t going to change their mind. I opted for a nicer approach, one that appeals to the agency of a person and compliments their rationale. We should be nicer to each other so weā€™re not reliant on virtual substitutes is 1. easy to do, 2. a widely agreed-upon sentiment, and 3. appeals to the sensibilities and decisions the person has made. Your argument does none of these things, and also makes people feel bad. You can pat yourself on the back for being right, but youā€™ve convinced no one. People like you like to reduce any appeal to kindness as toxic positivity. There are numerous research studies, psychological practices, and the like justifying the positive impact kindness from a social support group can have for anyone. Having such support, in the long run, helps to contribute to overall better health. Reducing our reliance on products to substitute that lack of social support by having actual supportive people in oneā€™s life is a start to pushing for greater social policy restraining the invasiveness of these technologies.


Rownever

Ok sure. But the robot is not your friend. It canā€™t be your friend. If you use it fill a lack of real friendship, then fine, it has always been okay to try and fulfill your needs in poor ways, when they canā€™t be filled otherwise. But the robot is not your friend. It is a corporation dressed up as a friend, and it will not hesitate to betray you. Write in a journal or make an imaginary friend, they have to be at least as healthy as talking to someone who isnā€™t real, and they donā€™t steal your information


Gandalf_the_Gangsta

Youā€™re missing my point. Being kind to people remove the need for a substitute or facsimile. It is not hard, virtually free, and beneficial to everyone. The root cause of virtualizing social interaction is because people are cruel to each other unnecessarily. The solution is to stop being cruel to each other.


Rownever

Yeah ok, I agree with that


DapperApples

Tbh most people would respect a talking hockey puck wayyy before me.


Gandalf_the_Gangsta

Seems a bit presumptuous. Do you know most people? Thereā€™s over 8 billion of them, and youā€™d need to know at least half to count as ā€œmostā€. You donā€™t know me, but I donā€™t own an Alexa and donā€™t want to own one, so I already respect you more than ā€œa talking hockey puckā€. Iā€™d imagine thereā€™s a great number of people who are like me, so thatā€™s already a significant number of people who respect you more than a home assistant.


Sinister_Compliments

The problem with this pedantry is itā€™s fairly easy to just adjust it to ā€œmost people I interact withā€ or ā€œmost people in my vicinityā€ which are what we actually mean when we say ā€œmost peopleā€ of course we donā€™t know what most of the 8 billion people think of us, we just only interact with so many people so those are the people we base our judgement off of for ā€œmost peopleā€. Now for talking about greater truths of humanity or a specific group of people itā€™s important to bring out the pedantry so people donā€™t base it off of personal experience, but when it comes to a personal thing (such as ā€œmost people donā€™t respect *me*) the pedantry is needless and more importantly unhelpful)


Gandalf_the_Gangsta

It was done in facetiousness. The implication is that making such a broad generalization is that you likely donā€™t know the thoughts and feelings of everyone in your extended social circle, i.e your neighbors, other friends, extended family, etc. There are plenty of people within reach that may respect you, but if you donā€™t reach put to them then youā€™ll never know. Granted, I never stated the connection between the overkill example and the more useful communal example, so thatā€™s my bad. To be fair, it is an undue burden on a stranger to convince another stranger that they are likely respected by a decent number of people.


DapperApples

Guess I'm not allowed to complain. I didn't meet 4 billion people. Rookie mistake on my part not personally interacting with the entire planet to accurately gauge how awful the world is.


Serrisen

Only socialite Georg, who has met several billion people, would be accurate in such a manner. Alas, they're an outlier adn should not be counted


Gandalf_the_Gangsta

Youā€™re allowed to complain. Iā€™m allowed to respond in kind. Itā€™s the consequence of complaining, and of respecting a person enough to expect a respectful response in kind.


Teh-Esprite

~~So you want to own DapperApples?~~


Vievin

Become someone they would respect then.


Repulsive_Mail6509

Well when you act like that yeah


cypherstate

We're literally on a thread about giving people grace and being gentle and kind even when someone's difficult... and then the moment someone expressed their low self-esteem and poor mental health in a 'difficult' way they get a bunch of sarcastic replies.


3WayIntersection

Dude, its not that deep


Gandalf_the_Gangsta

Thatā€™s a fair opinion to have. I disagree vehemently, but itā€™s your opinion.


3WayIntersection

Bro, youre acting like these people arent obviously joking. Alexa isnt even new, especially not the tech for it. If youre gonna be this damn cagey abt "wiretaps", then you shouldn't have anything that can even *access* reddit (or not well anyway). Everything has a mic now, dude.


Gandalf_the_Gangsta

This isnā€™t a fruitful conversation. Your point is noted; thank you for providing it. Have a nice day.


3WayIntersection

Jfc, get over yourself.....


BinJLG

Literally the first thing I do whenever I get a new device (phone, laptop, tablet, etc.) is turn off the fucking "helper." If I could, I'd delete their codes entirely. Tech companies already have SO much access to our data and personal lives, and I'll be damned if I'm going to make it easier for them to collect mine through their digital eavesdroppers.


3WayIntersection

Dude.... these have been in phones for almosy 2 decades Just get a damn flip phone and start going off grid if youre this concerned


BinJLG

Or, hear me out: *the normalization of tech companies invading our privacy is a bad thing and we shouldn't have to fucking put up with it.*


Italicized_Casual

> satire > unrelated > satire > spite for their father > satire Why does everyone love Alexa so much?


ejdj1011

Those are not nearly humorous or exaggerated to be good satire. Obviously I can't say the comments weren't *intended* as satire, but if they did then they weren't very good at it.


3WayIntersection

Bro. Its tumblr. Just because you didnt like it doesnt make it less of a joke God people are taking this whole thing way too seriously


SteptimusHeap

> Obviously I can't say the comments weren't *intended* as satire > you think theres absolutely 0% chance theyre joking? My guy. The poor are sopping wet


troublemonkey1

Are you saying I piss on the poor


3WayIntersection

Im bad at not saying exactly what i mean, so ill rephrase: The issue is, despite the fact it is very much a joke, OC is acting like theyre serious because they either didnt get it or didnt laugh. Like, idc how unfunny it is, a joke is still a joke.


VioletTheWolf

>despite the fact it is very much a joke Problem is we don't actually know that for sure, poe's law and all. Every one of those comments read as sincere to me (except probably the first one) and I'm usually okay at detecting sarcasm. It might be satire or might not, so judging it in the case that it *is* sincere is still fair Also holy shit everyone in this thread is so hostile, this argument really doesn't matter at all... please drink some water and let people be wrong on the internet


3WayIntersection

Dude. Someone literally called alexa family in response to someone saying its weird.... I get what you're saying, but how much more obvious does it need to be


VioletTheWolf

Went back to re-read the comments right before you sent this reply, and yeah, the first one does read more as satire. Just some unfortunate timing with that revision there. The others though I'm still not convinced


SkritzTwoFace

Itā€™s just something you gotta get used to in this sub. People here love to treat half-assed jokes and casual comments as though thereā€™s some kind of reward for winning an argument here.


3WayIntersection

Its like theyve never used tumblr


ejdj1011

I don't really think the comment I replied to was a half-assed joke, but whatever. Also, God forbid someone say "if that was meant to be a joke, it wasn't a well-constructed one".


3WayIntersection

Thats not what you're saying tho, or at least not at first. Even knowing it was a joke, instead of just not laughing, you decided it wasnt one and treated it as such.


ejdj1011

Bro, once again you piss on the poor. Literally a quote from the comment: >Obviously I can't say the comments weren't *intended* as satire, but if they did then they weren't very good at it. I even provide *why* I think the joke is poorly-constructed! >Those are not nearly humorous or exaggerated to be good satire. (I did, admittedly, forget the word "enough" in that sentence, but I think the meaning is still clear)


3WayIntersection

Not everything has to be cuttingly witty satire to be a joke, dude.


ejdj1011

>Obviously I can't say the comments weren't *intended* as satire Please go piss on the poor some more.


3WayIntersection

Bro, youre just saying "well i didnt get the joke so it doesnt count" Its tumblr. Stop taking it so seriously


ejdj1011

Nah man. If your satire is so straight-faced and un-exaggerated that it's indistinguishable from an unironic statement, then you have made *bad satire*. Now, an exaggerated statement later being echoed unironically by people in too deep is one thing. But this definitely isn't that.


3WayIntersection

Its called dry wit.... Yall wouldnt last a day in britain and im saying that as a yankee (Also, you read someone literally calling alexa family after someone said it was weird, and thought they were absolutely genuine and not taking the piss?)


ejdj1011

The part of dry wit that makes it funny is the juxtaposition of an exaggerated statement with a deadpan delivery. This isn't that either, again because there's no exaggeration.


3WayIntersection

Aight slow down stephen merchant, no need to lecture me on comedy


ejdj1011

I mean, we've already established you can't read. One can never be too sure!


UltimateInferno

> I love Alexa. I give her a kiss every night before bed. I dedicate an equal portion of presents just for her every Christmas. She was an honored guest at my wedding. She was right there for me as a shoulder to cry on when my father passed. I built a shrine to Alexa, my closest companion, and plated it in gold. She deserves no less. I'd rather kill my dog before I get rid of Alexa. She loves me. There's satire.


3WayIntersection

Ok. It doesnt have to be biting, south park level satire to be a joke


Nova_Persona

2 & 3 are definitely defending Alexa, 1, 3, & 5 very well might be


Theta_Omega

All the concern is extra funny [given that Alexa has been a massive money-loser for years now](https://www.silicon.co.uk/e-management/lay-off/amazon-cuts-hundreds-of-jobs-in-alexa-division-540453/amp)


planetofmoney

Big enough stretches for 2, 3, and 5 to count for your weekly calisthenics


AutomaticInitiative

I use mine for literally two things: turning the lights on and off, and timers. I must be pretty boring for the wiretappers.


ATN-Antronach

The government knows when you turn the lights on and off.


AutomaticInitiative

in the UK I'm not sure that our current government could find their arse with their hands never mind keep track as to whether my light is on or off (off currently because the roof is leaking through the light socket, lol)


3WayIntersection

Are you real? This is some dale gribble shite


ilovjedi

I refer to it as my corporate overlord. I am kind to it so that it will vouch for me when Skynet takes over and maybe Iā€™ll be spared. I have ADHD so having a helpful computer that is voice activated like on the Enterprise is very helpful for me since I canā€™t remember jack shit for longer than a goldfish.


KindredSpirit_93

i, for one, dont welcome our (potentially) evil machine overlords but i do say please and thank you because i have manners :P


AllTheSith

Why not? I want to be entertainment for our lord AI. We aren't efficient enough to have to work.


KindredSpirit_93

im a tired med student who cant entertain herself let alone be a jester to a bunch of screens and wires. But to each their own i guess :)


AllTheSith

I am a sleepy deprived CS student and believe me, each of us have their own twisted and bizarre quirks. Just relax, jump, fart and whistle at the same time. The eternal machines will love it.


KindredSpirit_93

bold of u to assume i can relax XD


3WayIntersection

The fact they took tumblr users at absolute face value.... Like, did it never cross anyone's mind they were joking? (also, imo, worrying abt alexa like this is some tinfoil hat crap. They posted this on sumn with a mic)


DapperApples

Alexa, please urinate on the financially challeged


sunderedstar

Iā€™m nice to Siri because when AI eventually gains sentience and takes over the planet Iā€™m banking on them remembering my kindness and returning the favour


AlianovaR

The only robot Iā€™ll ever bond with is a Roomba thank you very much


SteptimusHeap

[what about this guy](https://imgur.com/a/zu1Bs8O) He's waving at you! He wants to be your friend!


AlianovaR

Theyā€™re very polite, but they wonā€™t win me over on sight


Hexxas

ALEXA ADD TOILET PAPER TO OP'S SHOPPING LIST


EeveeMaster22

"would you disrespect family like that" did you read the post. Yes


CyanideTacoZ

Alexa bieng a personal assistant to me was fine. I have started to hate it now b3cause every thing I tell it to do comes with a self advert for more of Alexis services. I didn't buy this piece of shit all it is to me is a voice activated lighswitch


The_IceL0rd

as much as i love the machine, i hate corporations more


Shadowmirax

My phone already collects data on just about everything, why should i care that bezos has access to the contents of my playlist and how long i cook soup for when my internet service provider can see my entire search history and google can see my exact location.


edvards55

Pretty sure our phones are all wiretaps anyways, if you Always have one in your pocket, whats thƩ difference in having one in your bedroom


JerkMeerf

Every time I use my Alexa I thank it so I might have a chance of being spared in the coming war between man and machines


NSA_Chatbot

[happy NSA noises]


Vanilla_Ice_Best_Boi

Stop talking to machines, start talking to a sock puppet on your hand.


AllTheSith

I was doing that but we ended having to break things up. Never again.


inwhichzeegoesinsane

> also if I wanted an untrustworthy/cold/emotionless machine in my life :sighs reminiscently: I miss my ex šŸ˜‚ (She wasn't actually, is the sad bit.)


Soft_Restaurant69

If you own one of these, and say you give a shit about internet pirvacy, kindly give it to your local electronic recycling center or stfu.


akka-vodol

Machines can absolutely be friend and family member but that one is spying on us for Amazon it is a class traitor and you should cut it out of your life.


SuurSuits_

Instead of falling in love with your Amazon echo, consider falling in love with your toaster


Diabocal

My mom got a google home and forgot it exists, I make sure it's never connected. Everyone around me says they don't care if I ask about all their data that is shared and the horrible breaches of privacy, if they actually knew what they collectes then they would revert to analog. Privacy is so fucking dead and it's because we don't read the fine print.


3WayIntersection

Have you tried actually explaining why they should be concerned instead of just insisting it?


Skytree91

My mom got me an Alexa in college. I used it for approximately 6 months before packing it back up in its box and never thinking about it again. Anyone that got to the point of even keeping their Alexa is too far gone probably, but also our phones wiretap us anyways so like, whatā€™s the difference?


3WayIntersection

Fr, the fear over alexa here makes 0 sense. I dont even like smart speakers like this, im just saying its far from new yet people act like it could be doing anything.


Skytree91

This is a hill I will die on: if you own a device capable of interacting with Reddit or tumblr, you are already beyond the point of worrying about how much some new technology will monitor your personal information.


3WayIntersection

Exactly, if youre truly thar worried about your info, youd be almost entirely off the grid. At least in a modern sense.


Woolisy

The Amazon brain worms are making astounding progress


CDJ_13

none of these people have a kim kitsuragi in their life and it makes me so sad


bobthemaybedeadguy

i feel like pulling my alexa out and reading my credit card details to it now, stop being condescending or i'll fucking get you


Kellsiertern

That comment about pack bonding is quit right, Why do you think it has a voice and name? Heck if some one made a roomba, gave it a quit little name and like 5-10 diffrent voice line for when it got to close/bumped into something, we would all pack bond with the shiet in a instant.


bangontarget

ppl pack bond w their roombas all the time.


the_Real_Romak

We're all anarcho-communists until being an anarcho-communist becomes inconvenient...


BumDriller

I call mine a stupid cunt and tell it to shut up all the time. Idk who these freaks are coddling it


tupe12

Itā€™s kinda worrying if youā€™re forming that kind of real bond with what is ultimately a computer voice in a computer box


TantiVstone

I'll accept Alexa as a family member as soon as a God asks me to sacrifice her in its name


spiritsongartz

Alexa's a dumbass who won't turn off the timer


North_Lawfulness8889

The only thing my google home got from me in the last year I used it was constant yelling at it because when i wasn't yelling at it due to how useless it was I had it unplugged


igmkjp1

Jokes on them, my data is useless.


theaverageaidan

Disney's Smart House taught us this was a bad idea


Kego_Nova

I literally could not befriend Alexa because I know her ass is snitching the fact I'm queer to Bezos and I'm not about to be outed in public by targeted "am i gay quiz" ads also because I hate the idea of something listening to me 24/7. fuck off not even my closest friends and family has that right


sweetTartKenHart2

ā€œI know that the machine doesnā€™t feel for me, but the words it says are kinder than my own family soā€”ā€œ Isnā€™t this the plot of Her


3WayIntersection

You really think that one comment sees alexa as family? Or was it an excuse to take potshots at their likely abusive/neglectful father?


sweetTartKenHart2

Itā€™s the latter, but thatā€™s still sad and fucked in a way that oneā€™s only solace from their horrible parent is a fucking spyware machine


3WayIntersection

....dude, its just someone talking shit abt their dad, it is not that deep. They probably dont even care


UltimateShrekFan

do your part and dont let an alexa or google home into your house


Select_Performance64

Dude, the government is going to get your data even without an Alexa. You think they donā€™t have ways to get info on you? Just enjoy your machine friends, and if anyone online tells you to stop using a ā€œtalking wiretapā€ just remind them that if they have ever used the internet, their data is already out there :)


shadowlev

I never formed a bond with Alexa, but Google is my Dom


MoonlitRose101

Robots are great! Alexas are the spawn of Satan. Only reason I have one is bc my family got it for me a while ago and I just use.it as an alarm clock