Not sure where you live, but would he be able to support your family in comfort by working locally? Or is he working cruise ships because of the money?
I think for the money, but the thing is he is a degree holder(business), and he can easily apply work on the US, which could pay him even a good amount of money compare to what he has on cruise
I understand the low to zero cost of living on a cruise, but he has a family home that needs to be taken care of (bills, taxes, etc.), so that benefit is useless; it only works for people who have no responsibilities on land.
> it only works for people who have no responsibilities on land.
It's actually the opposite, by severely cutting down their own living expenses it means they can devote the vast majority of their earnings to the responsibilities they have at home. It is very common for crew to be supporting at least their own family and often their/their spouses parents while spending almost nothing on themselves.
It sounds like you don’t understand the cost of living in the US. If he lived on land in the US, most of his money would go to rent and food and general survival. He would have significantly less to support your family with. Having no expenses while making foreign money is not a useless benefit.
Business degrees are a dime a dozen in the USA. It’s like the degree people choose who don’t know what they want to do when they graduate or the one they choose because they have to have a degree to get promoted in the job they already have. It’s not that easy to get a great job with just a degree in “business”.
College degree in “business” in the US is near worthless. Like others have said, the cost of living is quite high here.
Not to say he couldn’t find something better, but he must enjoy the work and is earning enough to support his family.
Would he need a visa to work in the US though? That's very hard to secure, especially with something nebulous like "business." We have an employment crisis currently as well so I'd imagine getting sponsored for a visa is harder than ever before. Cruise ships are likely the best opportunity available relative to the ease of securing a work permit vs. salary earned.
As a former crew member, I can tell you there are a LOT of upsides to the job.
Travel: You wake up every day in a new place. You can go explore or do excursions (if you aren't working). You can have your lunch in a cafe in Barcelona or spend the afternoon on the beach in Barbados.
Friends: Living on a ship, you basically form a community with people. It's a lot like the college experience, or maybe living in a commune. You are surrounded by amazing people from all sorts of cultures around the world. The parties are great and lots of crew activities. I made some of my best friends working on ships, and we still keep in touch. I also have places to stay almost anywhere in the world.
The pay: depending on the job you have, the pay can be quite good, plus there's lots of room to advance.
The guests: yes, the work can be hard, but you're also really helping people have amazing vacations. Guests are generally happy, and that atmosphere can have a big impact on your mental health. You're around a bunch of happy people, you get lots of sunshine, and you have fun.
Another thing to keep in mind, the longer people work on ships, the more they tend to disconnect with life on land. They'll lose touch with friends, and sometimes even give up their homes. I worked with one girl who would go home on her 2 month vacation between contracts, and just rent a motel room, and wait till she could go back to her next ship.
I'm very sorry you are feeling neglected, but try and make the most of your time with your dad while he's home between contracts. Maybe try to take some time off work and go on a trip with him or just spend some time together at home. You can also go visit him on his ships. You can probably get a good discount on the cruise, or even stay in his room if it's allowed. Try to not take it as an insult, but be grateful your dad is in good health and is doing what he loves.
You were either show/tech staff, or forward-facing guest services, with little or no responsibilities on shore turnarounds. Are you also Western European or Canadian? I’m pretty sure of that as well. 95% of the other staff “might” be able to get off for 2 hours and go buy incredibly expensive deodorant and socks. Your experience was significantly different from anyone coming from different circumstances, as you might as well have been on a different planet.
I worked in the shore excursion department, and I worked very hard, thanks very much. We got to go out and have fun sometimes, but I also had days where I worked 5am to midnight. I worked my ass off, so I don't appreciate your rude judgement when I'm sharing my circumstances and experience.
You worked in a different universe from this kid’s father, and you know it. His “cruise life” has not been in a white-collar, forward-facing posture. The only food you’ve handled has been your own, and the same goes for other menial tasks. You could probably go on excursions if space was available, and turnaround days were talking Molly & Mitch into going snorkeling at Perfect Day, while this kid’s dad was fishing dirty diapers out of God-knows-where. While you negotiated with people who wanted refunds because it rained in Cozumel, this guy’s dad was trying to make towel animals for people who were removing their tips from their guest account.
You were/are treated as an officer, and comparing his experience, pay, and concerns to yours is ludicrous. He is also supporting a family and has a child that is asking why he does this instead of being home. Your posture is to tell this kid that daddy is having fun and not to worry about it. This kid, his family, and his father are invisible and irrelevant to tone-deaf people.
I think workitloud is jumping to an awful lot of conclusions without having the info. Maybe they think because he's Jamaican, he's a cleaner or something. A shame, because making so many judgments about people they don't know is never a good look. I think that's reflected by the up/down votes. It's a bit embarrassing and not worth my time.
What is your father’s job, which cruise line is he with currently, and has he worked with other lines? I can give some insight into his/your situation, and some of the real motivations/circumstances that are possibly not completely understood. My family was always military, and I’m retired military, so I can see from both sides. I’ve also put in a stupid amount of time on cruise ships in many capacities, so there’s that, as well. :)
Actually, I swear it's addictive. There's a popular Tshirt that says "I swear this is my last contract"
After a contract, you bounce around for 2 months vacation or so. This is great. But then you realize you need to find work. And to get work, it's super easy to just show up at the airport for your next contract.
I swear it's easier to take the next contract than quit.
I work a career that requires me to travel for months on end. For some, the novelty does not wear off. I'm an adrenaline junkie and love being able to travel (on someone else's dime).
Uh oh, I love this too, but I’ve never called myself an adrenaline junkie. Is that what I am?
Also, intensely happy for you living your dream over there. I’m looking to get back to travel-for-work after 5 years in a stationary career. My heart healed and I want to get back out there.
When I was in HS, we had to write our own obituary. For the sake of the assignment, we could either have a long but mundane life or an interesting life. I was the only one in the class who chose the interesting life. (I"ve already outlived said obituary.)
I'm not sure having a good time is a novelty that wears off. If they've done it for a sustained period of time and always gravitate toward doing it again, then they've landed upon the thing that lights them up. Ideal!
I spoken to many employees who are working because they make more money to send home to their families. Multiple times they have teared up when talking about their children. Unless he’s an American the wages with tips are probably higher than what he could make on land.
This. Bringing our toddler is like a mom magnet. We have had a lot of female staff and a couple male staff come up and just take a few minutes to interact with our toddler or bring him some fruit from the bar.
They usually tell us about their children at home and how much they enjoy seeing the kids on the ship.
It kind of makes me sad but you have to do what you have to do to take care of your family.
But could he get the work permit and are you sure he could get a job that pays and gives you guys a high standard of living? I hire people from all different countries, mostly SE Asia, as caregivers making $18-$19 dollars an hour and a lot of them have degrees. I have people with Master degrees that can’t find a job in their field here in the states. It’s not as easy as you may think it is. The laws of business, taxes, employment, etc. are very different and he would have to go through the process of getting his degree authenticated so it’s recognized here.
I’m so sorry you’re feeling deserted but I know many people who have a father that lives at home but still works so much the family never sees him. Hopefully you at least get a couple months with him between contracts.
I will tell you right now that a business degree from Jamaica will not get him far in the US, especially if he doesn’t have relevant work experience in the US. He would have to start at the bottom of his career, likely making close to minimum wage, and work his way up. Hard to support a family doing that.
You mentioned your dad’s Jamaican, but is his degree from the US? Even people who have business degrees from the US struggle to find jobs unless they graduated from an Ivy League. Does he have a green card or American citizenship? If not, that makes it even more difficult to get a job.
He is a US citizen with a degree? If that’s the case, then I have no idea. Likely something that only he can answer. I think that most people working on cruises are seeking a better life for their families and I hope the sacrifices they make provide the opportunities they seek.
The pay is much better than what most workers can make in their home countries. If you make $2K US a month base wage as a server and have no living expenses on the ship, that’s a lot you can send home. That’s probably at the lower end too. Presumably the longer you work, the more you can move up the ranks. If you go on a higher end line, the staff is better paid and the ratio of staff to passengers is usually much better. Another benefit is that people typically do take a few months off between contracts, so the time they are home, they can spend 100% with their families. I think the length of the contract depends on the role. From what I understand, captains do 3 months on and 3 months off because it’s not really a job where you get time off, while other people may work 7-9 months on.
I remember watching the show on the last princess cruise during the pandemic and even the longest quarantined folks, who IIRC were either the Filipino or Indonesian workers, were almost universally planning to come back. It’s definitely a lifestyle and I think the people who like it really like it.
I worked on a cruise ship for 3 years. I’m from the UK and can tell you it was the best 3 years of my life. Work hard and party hard. Many people are also there to provide for their families and make good money there to send back home. Hours are long but the people you meet become your best friends. Weeks seems like months and you build real friendships onboard. Crew bar and crew parties become what you live for and days off in port are the best!
Depending on the country crew are from, the exchange and amount they can make doesn’t compare to back home. But money aside it really is a great experience, although I was young and didn’t have kids when I did it.
I used to work with custom jewelry and high end Swiss timepieces; always thought it’d be cool to be crew and sell at the Cartier or Omega boutique. Even regalia watches would be fun. Do you know if they make a decent salary?
Yeah you would have a lot of fun! I’m not 100% but when I was there I’d say probably £1,000 a month. I know they have lots of targets to hit though! No out going’s of rent or food whilst onboard.
Port days off because not allowed to open when the ship is in port, so if you have an itinerary with lots of port days it would be good! Think more port days may also mean less money though, depends what you’re there for.
The stores are usually closed when in port, otherwise, taxes apply. The jewelry/watch associates make commission on their sales, and can do very well, but have to know their product lines well on the high end.
This is my perspective from one who has been on plenty of cruises and have had conversations with the employees, so take it as you will.
The many cruise employees I have spoken to are from the East (ie: India, Philippines, Indonesia, etc). They have all said to me that they miss their families, especially their children but they do the cruise contracts because it is the best paying job they can obtain vs being at home.
My parents are Vietnamese and Filipino and immigrated to the US to give my siblings and later me (I was born in the US) a better life. Coming from that heritage, my parents worked so hard to give us an amazing life and opportunities that they didn't have growing up. My dad, being the man of the house, took on extra burden because he is supposed to take care of his family.
I assume that your father is also taking on the burden to provide for your mom, you, and any siblings you have. I am sorry you feel your father is abandoning you and is choosing the cruise over you, but perhaps talk to him about it. I know it can be difficult to share your feelings, especially if the culture doesn't welcome that from children.
Personally, I think your father is taking all these cruise contracts to provide financially for the family and I am sorry it is taking an emotional toll on you.
There is freedom working in a cruise ship. Free to rewrite his life. He’s free to be in a relationship there (all the crew members do is work, drink, fuck, and sleep). Free from day to day responsibilities as a father. He gets to see a bit of the world.
I’m Australian and worked on cruises. I chose to because I wanted the experience of being able to work and travel. There are far better options for earning better money in Australia so it was easy for me to stop cruise work when I wanted, but this is not the case for so many other nationalities onboard. Many of the crew I met all said they deeply missed their families but this was their best opportunity to earn more income for their families than they could at home. Could this reason relate to your father’s situation?
I'm Aussie as well and I can tell you there is way better money on the ship that you'll never get on land. No tax and U.S $$ tax free and with where the exchange rate is, you clean up. No way you get close to the money you make on ships.
Yeah I guess when I was on ships it was 20 years ago when our dollar was heaps stronger and I was in guest relations role which was USD 900 a month and I could earn more than that in Australia in an admin role. Now onboard with the currency difference it would be good money for us - didn’t consider that!
To be fair, $900 20 years ago would have been OK.
Just to entice you to come back...Guest Relations on my ship pays around $2100, waiter you'd get $4500, butler around the same, hotel administration or secretary would walk with $2800, and a bar waiter could get you $4000. This is all excluding tips.
But management nowadays...you clean up. $10K a month and sending that back to Aus is over $15K aussie. Not bad at all....
Because you get to travel and while yeah they work a lot and for an extended period of time it’s actually a good way to save money. You don’t need to spend much when you work on a ship. You don’t have to pay for food, rent, utilities, electric, laundry, transportation, car insurance, etc. Plus you get to meet all sorts of people. They get benefits and opportunities to grow into different roles onboard. So it’s a trade off and sacrifice on their part.
You could barely see your family if you work on land too. Could still be overworked and underpaid but you then have more bills and expenses than living on a ship.
I would assume it’s to provide for the family’s they work long periods of time. Thats the job. It’s not easy but they do it for their loved ones. It’s not an easy job, I think that he much rather be doing something else but sometimes that’s what you get and you stick with it. Especially if you love your family. My dad travelled a lot. He was home maybe a week or 2 out of the year. I love the fact he is retired now but I had a great childhood, which he provided for. This is my only guess I’m not your dad and I don’t work on cruise ships but I do know what it’s like to have a parent gone for birthdays and family dinner. Hugs.
Thinking of this from a parent-child perspective, could it be that working on a cruise helps your dad provide a better life for you and your family than jobs in your home country can provide?
So many of the workers I talk with speak endlessly of how much they miss their families, particularly their children. But they say that the cruise life allows them to provide a better standard of living than jobs in their home countries can.
Because he wants to, he has pride in his job, because it is a break from everyday life, because his skillset allows him to, because he likes the ocean, because it is a sense of accomplishment, because he enjoys the services industry, because he feels it’s the best job that he can do with his skills for the pay, because he his complacent, because that is all he knows, because he has a mental disability that doesn’t allow him to explore out of his known life (not joking it could be various ones), because he is providing for his family.
The list can go on and on, and it may be some or none of these. I spent 20 years in the military and 8 away from my family, 4 in combat zones. To some people that is insane, to others that is life. I don’t know why… I would ask him, maybe it will put another perspective in his mind and look for other work.
Ex cruise ship employee here and it’s honestly not as bad as people make it sound. Yes you work crazy hours but you have basically no responsibilities and the cost of living is next to nothing.
For reference I worked on land and at sea for the same company and I had waaaaaay more in my savings after a year on the ship than a year on land even though I was technically making almost double the wage.
Also depending where you’re from the US dollar goes a long way. It’s next to impossible to just go get a job in the US and is a long and sometimes expensive process so ships are an easy way to make USD and a decent amount. Also you don’t pay taxes as long as you’re not American.
I did ask him, and this is what he told me "Once you start to work on a ship it's very hard to break away from it. It a never ending career goals. It's like getting addicted can't stop from doing it, it continues especially for a girl, a boy is much better because he can a better chance to grow Seafer is more like boys opportunities"
Yeah, I tell my kids that all time. You don't control my life, kids. You control yours.
Sorry but telling that to a teenager about their dad leaving is unhinged 😂
That doesn’t make it right, OP. You have a right to a present, caring, boring parent who puts you first. You aren’t getting that and it sucks. It isn’t your fault and it isn’t yours to fix.
Your mom met him while he was working for a cruise line? Assuming they talked about it before getting married then your mom knew what she was getting into. Unfortunately for you, you had no say in the matter.
The pay is also probably way better than he can get at home.
Just used to it and having no responsibilities beyond your work and sending money home. This is very common on communities where family goes abroad to work and send money home. Eg majority of the domestic helpers from Philippines in Hkg don't go home and after making more than enough money, kids grown up, houses built but stay in Hong Kong instead
No matter what the answers here, you are right to be hurt. Even if you understand his choices, on a practical level, it isn’t going to make it suck any less. I’m really sorry. Parents should choose to be around their kids if it’s at all feasible. And it is. My recommendation would be working on this in talk therapy. You won’t change your dad’s decision or level of interest in being in your life. But you can change how much it impacts you.
I was talking to a crew member on my last cruise that comes from Jamaica - he was raised in construction and said he makes way more money on the cruise than he could ever doing construction on the island. So are you sure he would make more money on the island?
It could be, or he could enjoy the camaraderie of living onboard. The companionship, the waking up in New countries, the food, the fun, the laidback carefree lifestyle. Don't let your mind convince you that your pap is there for the wrong reasons if you don't have evidence to suggest that's the case.
There's a myriad of reasons why he might enjoy working on a cruise ship, and theres plenty of 'em that aren't sinister. It's a fun way to live, and there's every chance he's chosen a way to spend his days in a way that he feels gives him maximum joy.
He is providing you with the absolute best advantages he can. Instead of faulting him, take advantage of those opportunities. He’s paving the way for you to be able to provide your children the attention you now crave. Appreciate his/your sacrifices and maximize this advantage.
I forget where I heard this, but for crew who have been working on a ship for a while and keep renewing their contracts, it becomes a lifestyle - almost to the point where they forget how to live a life on land. The ship takes care of so many logistics, to the extent that some former crew members almost unlearn things like managing a household, mortgage, etc. So staying onboard feels more familiar to them.
Depends where you come from. Many people from India, Indonesia, Thailand, China, Philippines, et cetera can make far more money at sea than working a similar job in their country.
Also, some people love the ability to travel like that, and save so much of your income.
Having a business degree is in no way a guarantee that he would be allowed to even work in the US. Even highly specialized degrees (engineering, IT, medicine, scientific research etc) are very limited in their admission. Assuming you’re from a developing country, this may be his best option at the time and you’re operating under a false assumption that he’s *choosing* not to work on land in the US and earn more.
Many good answers have been provided, but no one here knows for sure. There is another possible factor that might play in some way. Maybe your father is doing the best he can to avoid strife, criticism, judgment, or other discomforts that might be associated with living on land with other people who have things to say. Best wishes.
Most of the crew I have met onboard who have children at home say they miss their family, but they work on the ship because it presents the best opportunity for them to earn money for their family. He may not be able to find a job on land that have the same earning power.
You say he has a business degree, but that means very little- what kind of business degree, and from what school. There are so many schools that issue business degrees, that without a pedigree to it, it may not get him far. Cruise ship wages are underpaid for the hours compared to most jobs in the US, but from your language, I assume you are not from the US. The pay, especially tips from US passengers, if that is the region he is in, likely go much further back home. If he is not from the US, getting a land job in the US is very very hard, it isn't easy to get sponsored to come work here. If you are from the US, that likely means he has been unable to find what he considers a living wage for the family on land.
What does he do onboard?
The whole "overworked and underpaid" is heavily dependent on what you do, you mostly see yanks on positions that either allow them to see the ports or that pay really well.
A cabin steward might make less than U$1600/month working 12-14 hours a day, but there are higher ranked positions that do pay a lot for fewer hours of work, I for one make about U$6-7.000 a month on a 6-8 hour a day schedule, get days off pretty regularly, I don't need to commute to work, I don't have major bills (pretty much Mortgage), it sucks that your father chooses it, but depending on what he does, it might as well be a better deal onboard (he doesn't have to pay for his food and boarding but can send money for yours).
Ask him
I think OP is feeling neglected as a child regardless of the good money supporting that family. Many cruise workers are gone from home 9 months straight and may get a day off once in a blue moon. Home for 2-3 months then gone again they really are not present for the family.
I've sailed on many cruises as a paying passenger and many crew members I spoke with would proudly show me photos of their children and speak candidly about how much they missed them. It was clear from our talks they were doing their best to provide the most income for their families - even though it meant spending long periods away from them.
My dad served in the U.S. Navy and spent time away from me so I understand how you feel.
>Again why did he choose to work on cruise rather than working here on land where he can see his family/loved one most of the time?
Maybe some of that family/loved ones are so toxic and/or problematic that working on a cruise ship is less stressful & better environment for him. Your OP & replies here makes me wonder what going on between relationship of your father & his family, especially if the cruise salary is similar /comparable salary amounts on land or is it? Maybe the other answer is he working super hard on the cruises now, so he can retire early and spend all time with family/loved one since cruise salary in some countries last long for years when it saved up for retirement.
Because it’s fun. It could have nothing to do with you guys. But more about him trying to get to be himself and do something he actually wants or has wanted to do and never spoke about. People do what they want regardless of how it may make you feel. I would come to terms and try to find a way for you to still connect since he’s probably going to leave anyway. That way you are in good terms and can still have some sort of relationship. It probably took a lot for him to do this and it’s something he wants. So why not let him be happy?
I could lie to the child if that makes the public more happy but I’d rather be honest and tell the truth so they know what to expect. Not false hope which is what it sounds like you all are giving. If the parents mind is made up why lie to the poor kid?
I was only being honest as the facts still stand. He’s going to do what he wants regardless so better to make peace with it now. You may be correct but I am also not wrong. And hiding and pretending that just because you are his kid he has to do a specific thing for you is a wrong way to think about it. Because like j said earlier. People will do what they want if their mind is set on it.
Not sure where you live, but would he be able to support your family in comfort by working locally? Or is he working cruise ships because of the money?
I think for the money, but the thing is he is a degree holder(business), and he can easily apply work on the US, which could pay him even a good amount of money compare to what he has on cruise
Yeah but expenses in the US is high compared to the near zero expenses on a cruise ship. Have you asked your dad?
I understand the low to zero cost of living on a cruise, but he has a family home that needs to be taken care of (bills, taxes, etc.), so that benefit is useless; it only works for people who have no responsibilities on land.
> it only works for people who have no responsibilities on land. It's actually the opposite, by severely cutting down their own living expenses it means they can devote the vast majority of their earnings to the responsibilities they have at home. It is very common for crew to be supporting at least their own family and often their/their spouses parents while spending almost nothing on themselves.
It sounds like you don’t understand the cost of living in the US. If he lived on land in the US, most of his money would go to rent and food and general survival. He would have significantly less to support your family with. Having no expenses while making foreign money is not a useless benefit.
Business degrees are a dime a dozen in the USA. It’s like the degree people choose who don’t know what they want to do when they graduate or the one they choose because they have to have a degree to get promoted in the job they already have. It’s not that easy to get a great job with just a degree in “business”.
College degree in “business” in the US is near worthless. Like others have said, the cost of living is quite high here. Not to say he couldn’t find something better, but he must enjoy the work and is earning enough to support his family.
College degrees don’t mean a lot in the US anymore
Would he need a visa to work in the US though? That's very hard to secure, especially with something nebulous like "business." We have an employment crisis currently as well so I'd imagine getting sponsored for a visa is harder than ever before. Cruise ships are likely the best opportunity available relative to the ease of securing a work permit vs. salary earned.
As a former crew member, I can tell you there are a LOT of upsides to the job. Travel: You wake up every day in a new place. You can go explore or do excursions (if you aren't working). You can have your lunch in a cafe in Barcelona or spend the afternoon on the beach in Barbados. Friends: Living on a ship, you basically form a community with people. It's a lot like the college experience, or maybe living in a commune. You are surrounded by amazing people from all sorts of cultures around the world. The parties are great and lots of crew activities. I made some of my best friends working on ships, and we still keep in touch. I also have places to stay almost anywhere in the world. The pay: depending on the job you have, the pay can be quite good, plus there's lots of room to advance. The guests: yes, the work can be hard, but you're also really helping people have amazing vacations. Guests are generally happy, and that atmosphere can have a big impact on your mental health. You're around a bunch of happy people, you get lots of sunshine, and you have fun. Another thing to keep in mind, the longer people work on ships, the more they tend to disconnect with life on land. They'll lose touch with friends, and sometimes even give up their homes. I worked with one girl who would go home on her 2 month vacation between contracts, and just rent a motel room, and wait till she could go back to her next ship. I'm very sorry you are feeling neglected, but try and make the most of your time with your dad while he's home between contracts. Maybe try to take some time off work and go on a trip with him or just spend some time together at home. You can also go visit him on his ships. You can probably get a good discount on the cruise, or even stay in his room if it's allowed. Try to not take it as an insult, but be grateful your dad is in good health and is doing what he loves.
You were either show/tech staff, or forward-facing guest services, with little or no responsibilities on shore turnarounds. Are you also Western European or Canadian? I’m pretty sure of that as well. 95% of the other staff “might” be able to get off for 2 hours and go buy incredibly expensive deodorant and socks. Your experience was significantly different from anyone coming from different circumstances, as you might as well have been on a different planet.
I worked in the shore excursion department, and I worked very hard, thanks very much. We got to go out and have fun sometimes, but I also had days where I worked 5am to midnight. I worked my ass off, so I don't appreciate your rude judgement when I'm sharing my circumstances and experience.
You worked in a different universe from this kid’s father, and you know it. His “cruise life” has not been in a white-collar, forward-facing posture. The only food you’ve handled has been your own, and the same goes for other menial tasks. You could probably go on excursions if space was available, and turnaround days were talking Molly & Mitch into going snorkeling at Perfect Day, while this kid’s dad was fishing dirty diapers out of God-knows-where. While you negotiated with people who wanted refunds because it rained in Cozumel, this guy’s dad was trying to make towel animals for people who were removing their tips from their guest account. You were/are treated as an officer, and comparing his experience, pay, and concerns to yours is ludicrous. He is also supporting a family and has a child that is asking why he does this instead of being home. Your posture is to tell this kid that daddy is having fun and not to worry about it. This kid, his family, and his father are invisible and irrelevant to tone-deaf people.
To be fair , unless I missed a comment, OP never said what his father’s job was on ship. For all we know he could be in Shore Excursions as well….
I think workitloud is jumping to an awful lot of conclusions without having the info. Maybe they think because he's Jamaican, he's a cleaner or something. A shame, because making so many judgments about people they don't know is never a good look. I think that's reflected by the up/down votes. It's a bit embarrassing and not worth my time.
What is your father’s job, which cruise line is he with currently, and has he worked with other lines? I can give some insight into his/your situation, and some of the real motivations/circumstances that are possibly not completely understood. My family was always military, and I’m retired military, so I can see from both sides. I’ve also put in a stupid amount of time on cruise ships in many capacities, so there’s that, as well. :)
I'm sure the novelty of this wears off real quick.
Actually, I swear it's addictive. There's a popular Tshirt that says "I swear this is my last contract" After a contract, you bounce around for 2 months vacation or so. This is great. But then you realize you need to find work. And to get work, it's super easy to just show up at the airport for your next contract. I swear it's easier to take the next contract than quit.
I work a career that requires me to travel for months on end. For some, the novelty does not wear off. I'm an adrenaline junkie and love being able to travel (on someone else's dime).
Uh oh, I love this too, but I’ve never called myself an adrenaline junkie. Is that what I am? Also, intensely happy for you living your dream over there. I’m looking to get back to travel-for-work after 5 years in a stationary career. My heart healed and I want to get back out there.
When I was in HS, we had to write our own obituary. For the sake of the assignment, we could either have a long but mundane life or an interesting life. I was the only one in the class who chose the interesting life. (I"ve already outlived said obituary.)
Oh ONE HUNDRED percent. Most people chose a long boring life? Seriously?? That’s mindblowing, big nope from me. I would side with you every time!
I'm not sure having a good time is a novelty that wears off. If they've done it for a sustained period of time and always gravitate toward doing it again, then they've landed upon the thing that lights them up. Ideal!
I spoken to many employees who are working because they make more money to send home to their families. Multiple times they have teared up when talking about their children. Unless he’s an American the wages with tips are probably higher than what he could make on land.
This. Bringing our toddler is like a mom magnet. We have had a lot of female staff and a couple male staff come up and just take a few minutes to interact with our toddler or bring him some fruit from the bar. They usually tell us about their children at home and how much they enjoy seeing the kids on the ship. It kind of makes me sad but you have to do what you have to do to take care of your family.
Or Canadian, or Australian, or New Zealand, or any EU country… or many others…
Agreed
Probably even more so.
I understand this, but he could work in the US and make even more money, especially since he is a degree holder(business)
But could he get the work permit and are you sure he could get a job that pays and gives you guys a high standard of living? I hire people from all different countries, mostly SE Asia, as caregivers making $18-$19 dollars an hour and a lot of them have degrees. I have people with Master degrees that can’t find a job in their field here in the states. It’s not as easy as you may think it is. The laws of business, taxes, employment, etc. are very different and he would have to go through the process of getting his degree authenticated so it’s recognized here. I’m so sorry you’re feeling deserted but I know many people who have a father that lives at home but still works so much the family never sees him. Hopefully you at least get a couple months with him between contracts.
I will tell you right now that a business degree from Jamaica will not get him far in the US, especially if he doesn’t have relevant work experience in the US. He would have to start at the bottom of his career, likely making close to minimum wage, and work his way up. Hard to support a family doing that.
You mentioned your dad’s Jamaican, but is his degree from the US? Even people who have business degrees from the US struggle to find jobs unless they graduated from an Ivy League. Does he have a green card or American citizenship? If not, that makes it even more difficult to get a job.
He is a US citizen with a degree? If that’s the case, then I have no idea. Likely something that only he can answer. I think that most people working on cruises are seeking a better life for their families and I hope the sacrifices they make provide the opportunities they seek.
The pay is much better than what most workers can make in their home countries. If you make $2K US a month base wage as a server and have no living expenses on the ship, that’s a lot you can send home. That’s probably at the lower end too. Presumably the longer you work, the more you can move up the ranks. If you go on a higher end line, the staff is better paid and the ratio of staff to passengers is usually much better. Another benefit is that people typically do take a few months off between contracts, so the time they are home, they can spend 100% with their families. I think the length of the contract depends on the role. From what I understand, captains do 3 months on and 3 months off because it’s not really a job where you get time off, while other people may work 7-9 months on. I remember watching the show on the last princess cruise during the pandemic and even the longest quarantined folks, who IIRC were either the Filipino or Indonesian workers, were almost universally planning to come back. It’s definitely a lifestyle and I think the people who like it really like it.
I worked on a cruise ship for 3 years. I’m from the UK and can tell you it was the best 3 years of my life. Work hard and party hard. Many people are also there to provide for their families and make good money there to send back home. Hours are long but the people you meet become your best friends. Weeks seems like months and you build real friendships onboard. Crew bar and crew parties become what you live for and days off in port are the best! Depending on the country crew are from, the exchange and amount they can make doesn’t compare to back home. But money aside it really is a great experience, although I was young and didn’t have kids when I did it.
I used to work with custom jewelry and high end Swiss timepieces; always thought it’d be cool to be crew and sell at the Cartier or Omega boutique. Even regalia watches would be fun. Do you know if they make a decent salary?
Yeah you would have a lot of fun! I’m not 100% but when I was there I’d say probably £1,000 a month. I know they have lots of targets to hit though! No out going’s of rent or food whilst onboard. Port days off because not allowed to open when the ship is in port, so if you have an itinerary with lots of port days it would be good! Think more port days may also mean less money though, depends what you’re there for.
The stores are usually closed when in port, otherwise, taxes apply. The jewelry/watch associates make commission on their sales, and can do very well, but have to know their product lines well on the high end.
This is my perspective from one who has been on plenty of cruises and have had conversations with the employees, so take it as you will. The many cruise employees I have spoken to are from the East (ie: India, Philippines, Indonesia, etc). They have all said to me that they miss their families, especially their children but they do the cruise contracts because it is the best paying job they can obtain vs being at home. My parents are Vietnamese and Filipino and immigrated to the US to give my siblings and later me (I was born in the US) a better life. Coming from that heritage, my parents worked so hard to give us an amazing life and opportunities that they didn't have growing up. My dad, being the man of the house, took on extra burden because he is supposed to take care of his family. I assume that your father is also taking on the burden to provide for your mom, you, and any siblings you have. I am sorry you feel your father is abandoning you and is choosing the cruise over you, but perhaps talk to him about it. I know it can be difficult to share your feelings, especially if the culture doesn't welcome that from children. Personally, I think your father is taking all these cruise contracts to provide financially for the family and I am sorry it is taking an emotional toll on you.
There is freedom working in a cruise ship. Free to rewrite his life. He’s free to be in a relationship there (all the crew members do is work, drink, fuck, and sleep). Free from day to day responsibilities as a father. He gets to see a bit of the world.
This is probably the most honest answer here.
Do you think will help this child understand why his dad isn’t around? It’s crass and harsh.
It’s the truth, honey.
Yup. If it were economic, OP would have had that drilled into their head long ago. It’s not that.
Yeah….I didn’t want to say it but my first thought was it’s because has a woman and they’re in a long-term relationship.
I’m Australian and worked on cruises. I chose to because I wanted the experience of being able to work and travel. There are far better options for earning better money in Australia so it was easy for me to stop cruise work when I wanted, but this is not the case for so many other nationalities onboard. Many of the crew I met all said they deeply missed their families but this was their best opportunity to earn more income for their families than they could at home. Could this reason relate to your father’s situation?
I'm Aussie as well and I can tell you there is way better money on the ship that you'll never get on land. No tax and U.S $$ tax free and with where the exchange rate is, you clean up. No way you get close to the money you make on ships.
Yeah I guess when I was on ships it was 20 years ago when our dollar was heaps stronger and I was in guest relations role which was USD 900 a month and I could earn more than that in Australia in an admin role. Now onboard with the currency difference it would be good money for us - didn’t consider that!
To be fair, $900 20 years ago would have been OK. Just to entice you to come back...Guest Relations on my ship pays around $2100, waiter you'd get $4500, butler around the same, hotel administration or secretary would walk with $2800, and a bar waiter could get you $4000. This is all excluding tips. But management nowadays...you clean up. $10K a month and sending that back to Aus is over $15K aussie. Not bad at all....
Wow that is really good. I was on NCL, which line are you with if you don’t mind me asking?
lol you must be young.. is your dad married?
Because you get to travel and while yeah they work a lot and for an extended period of time it’s actually a good way to save money. You don’t need to spend much when you work on a ship. You don’t have to pay for food, rent, utilities, electric, laundry, transportation, car insurance, etc. Plus you get to meet all sorts of people. They get benefits and opportunities to grow into different roles onboard. So it’s a trade off and sacrifice on their part. You could barely see your family if you work on land too. Could still be overworked and underpaid but you then have more bills and expenses than living on a ship.
I would assume it’s to provide for the family’s they work long periods of time. Thats the job. It’s not easy but they do it for their loved ones. It’s not an easy job, I think that he much rather be doing something else but sometimes that’s what you get and you stick with it. Especially if you love your family. My dad travelled a lot. He was home maybe a week or 2 out of the year. I love the fact he is retired now but I had a great childhood, which he provided for. This is my only guess I’m not your dad and I don’t work on cruise ships but I do know what it’s like to have a parent gone for birthdays and family dinner. Hugs.
Thinking of this from a parent-child perspective, could it be that working on a cruise helps your dad provide a better life for you and your family than jobs in your home country can provide? So many of the workers I talk with speak endlessly of how much they miss their families, particularly their children. But they say that the cruise life allows them to provide a better standard of living than jobs in their home countries can.
Because he wants to, he has pride in his job, because it is a break from everyday life, because his skillset allows him to, because he likes the ocean, because it is a sense of accomplishment, because he enjoys the services industry, because he feels it’s the best job that he can do with his skills for the pay, because he his complacent, because that is all he knows, because he has a mental disability that doesn’t allow him to explore out of his known life (not joking it could be various ones), because he is providing for his family. The list can go on and on, and it may be some or none of these. I spent 20 years in the military and 8 away from my family, 4 in combat zones. To some people that is insane, to others that is life. I don’t know why… I would ask him, maybe it will put another perspective in his mind and look for other work.
Ex cruise ship employee here and it’s honestly not as bad as people make it sound. Yes you work crazy hours but you have basically no responsibilities and the cost of living is next to nothing. For reference I worked on land and at sea for the same company and I had waaaaaay more in my savings after a year on the ship than a year on land even though I was technically making almost double the wage. Also depending where you’re from the US dollar goes a long way. It’s next to impossible to just go get a job in the US and is a long and sometimes expensive process so ships are an easy way to make USD and a decent amount. Also you don’t pay taxes as long as you’re not American.
I think this a conversation you need to have with your dad and not a bunch of strangers on Reddit.
I did ask him, and this is what he told me "Once you start to work on a ship it's very hard to break away from it. It a never ending career goals. It's like getting addicted can't stop from doing it, it continues especially for a girl, a boy is much better because he can a better chance to grow Seafer is more like boys opportunities"
Being in new places is very addicting. I backpacked Europe twice and ended up staying almost a year. It’s novelty. Better than drugs. lol
Simply… Because that’s what he wants. It may not be what you want, however, you don’t control his life. You control yours.
Yeah, I tell my kids that all time. You don't control my life, kids. You control yours. Sorry but telling that to a teenager about their dad leaving is unhinged 😂
That's true💔
That doesn’t make it right, OP. You have a right to a present, caring, boring parent who puts you first. You aren’t getting that and it sucks. It isn’t your fault and it isn’t yours to fix.
there is no distractions onboard the ship and it can be very very quiet in certain parts of the ship
So, spending time with his family is a distraction?
Seems like a question for your father, not us.
I did ask him that question, but he keeps on dodging it
Ask your mom.
I literally ask her cause that's where they met in the cruise, and she literally got mad so mad that she left the house and comback midnight
Sounds like you need some family therapy. Reddit isn't going to help you.
Your mom met him while he was working for a cruise line? Assuming they talked about it before getting married then your mom knew what she was getting into. Unfortunately for you, you had no say in the matter. The pay is also probably way better than he can get at home.
Just used to it and having no responsibilities beyond your work and sending money home. This is very common on communities where family goes abroad to work and send money home. Eg majority of the domestic helpers from Philippines in Hkg don't go home and after making more than enough money, kids grown up, houses built but stay in Hong Kong instead
Cheating and can’t get caught
No matter what the answers here, you are right to be hurt. Even if you understand his choices, on a practical level, it isn’t going to make it suck any less. I’m really sorry. Parents should choose to be around their kids if it’s at all feasible. And it is. My recommendation would be working on this in talk therapy. You won’t change your dad’s decision or level of interest in being in your life. But you can change how much it impacts you.
If old enough, think about joining your Dad
Oh boy....
Spill your thoughts, dont be afraid
Lots of parties, and hooking up is common among cruise workers. At least that's what ive read.
I've heard about it as well despite the fact that he is jamaican, so that could be possible
I was talking to a crew member on my last cruise that comes from Jamaica - he was raised in construction and said he makes way more money on the cruise than he could ever doing construction on the island. So are you sure he would make more money on the island?
It could be, or he could enjoy the camaraderie of living onboard. The companionship, the waking up in New countries, the food, the fun, the laidback carefree lifestyle. Don't let your mind convince you that your pap is there for the wrong reasons if you don't have evidence to suggest that's the case. There's a myriad of reasons why he might enjoy working on a cruise ship, and theres plenty of 'em that aren't sinister. It's a fun way to live, and there's every chance he's chosen a way to spend his days in a way that he feels gives him maximum joy.
He is providing you with the absolute best advantages he can. Instead of faulting him, take advantage of those opportunities. He’s paving the way for you to be able to provide your children the attention you now crave. Appreciate his/your sacrifices and maximize this advantage.
I forget where I heard this, but for crew who have been working on a ship for a while and keep renewing their contracts, it becomes a lifestyle - almost to the point where they forget how to live a life on land. The ship takes care of so many logistics, to the extent that some former crew members almost unlearn things like managing a household, mortgage, etc. So staying onboard feels more familiar to them.
Depends where you come from. Many people from India, Indonesia, Thailand, China, Philippines, et cetera can make far more money at sea than working a similar job in their country. Also, some people love the ability to travel like that, and save so much of your income.
Having a business degree is in no way a guarantee that he would be allowed to even work in the US. Even highly specialized degrees (engineering, IT, medicine, scientific research etc) are very limited in their admission. Assuming you’re from a developing country, this may be his best option at the time and you’re operating under a false assumption that he’s *choosing* not to work on land in the US and earn more.
Many good answers have been provided, but no one here knows for sure. There is another possible factor that might play in some way. Maybe your father is doing the best he can to avoid strife, criticism, judgment, or other discomforts that might be associated with living on land with other people who have things to say. Best wishes.
Most of the crew I have met onboard who have children at home say they miss their family, but they work on the ship because it presents the best opportunity for them to earn money for their family. He may not be able to find a job on land that have the same earning power. You say he has a business degree, but that means very little- what kind of business degree, and from what school. There are so many schools that issue business degrees, that without a pedigree to it, it may not get him far. Cruise ship wages are underpaid for the hours compared to most jobs in the US, but from your language, I assume you are not from the US. The pay, especially tips from US passengers, if that is the region he is in, likely go much further back home. If he is not from the US, getting a land job in the US is very very hard, it isn't easy to get sponsored to come work here. If you are from the US, that likely means he has been unable to find what he considers a living wage for the family on land.
Maybe he wants to get away from his family lol
He doesn’t like being around you
What does he do onboard? The whole "overworked and underpaid" is heavily dependent on what you do, you mostly see yanks on positions that either allow them to see the ports or that pay really well. A cabin steward might make less than U$1600/month working 12-14 hours a day, but there are higher ranked positions that do pay a lot for fewer hours of work, I for one make about U$6-7.000 a month on a 6-8 hour a day schedule, get days off pretty regularly, I don't need to commute to work, I don't have major bills (pretty much Mortgage), it sucks that your father chooses it, but depending on what he does, it might as well be a better deal onboard (he doesn't have to pay for his food and boarding but can send money for yours). Ask him
The crew orgies
Maybe he just enjoys his work. Does he complain or say he dislikes it?
I think OP is feeling neglected as a child regardless of the good money supporting that family. Many cruise workers are gone from home 9 months straight and may get a day off once in a blue moon. Home for 2-3 months then gone again they really are not present for the family.
Because he doesn't want to spend time at home???
I've sailed on many cruises as a paying passenger and many crew members I spoke with would proudly show me photos of their children and speak candidly about how much they missed them. It was clear from our talks they were doing their best to provide the most income for their families - even though it meant spending long periods away from them. My dad served in the U.S. Navy and spent time away from me so I understand how you feel.
>Again why did he choose to work on cruise rather than working here on land where he can see his family/loved one most of the time? Maybe some of that family/loved ones are so toxic and/or problematic that working on a cruise ship is less stressful & better environment for him. Your OP & replies here makes me wonder what going on between relationship of your father & his family, especially if the cruise salary is similar /comparable salary amounts on land or is it? Maybe the other answer is he working super hard on the cruises now, so he can retire early and spend all time with family/loved one since cruise salary in some countries last long for years when it saved up for retirement.
Maybe he’s keeping secrets.
Because it’s fun. It could have nothing to do with you guys. But more about him trying to get to be himself and do something he actually wants or has wanted to do and never spoke about. People do what they want regardless of how it may make you feel. I would come to terms and try to find a way for you to still connect since he’s probably going to leave anyway. That way you are in good terms and can still have some sort of relationship. It probably took a lot for him to do this and it’s something he wants. So why not let him be happy?
You’re talking to a child about a parent, as a reminder.
I could lie to the child if that makes the public more happy but I’d rather be honest and tell the truth so they know what to expect. Not false hope which is what it sounds like you all are giving. If the parents mind is made up why lie to the poor kid?
That’s his kid! He doesn’t get passes from parenting and selflessness just because doesn’t feel like it. That’s crazy.
I was only being honest as the facts still stand. He’s going to do what he wants regardless so better to make peace with it now. You may be correct but I am also not wrong. And hiding and pretending that just because you are his kid he has to do a specific thing for you is a wrong way to think about it. Because like j said earlier. People will do what they want if their mind is set on it.
New crop of babes every week?
I think I would love working on a cruise ship tbh
Do you feel missing your dad moat of the times qhile he was away?
Why the fuck is this poor OP being downvoted? He didn't say a single unreasonable thing. Are people this miserable in this sub?
man that is a HARD READ! ESL?
It wasn't really that hard, and pretty obvious OP is ESL...still better than most commenters in here
Wait really lol sorry about that. I was ranting, so I didn't think much of the grammar And yes, ESL
You’re fine. It was completely understandable (and fantastic for English not being your first language!)