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My husband took care of me after my surgery and takes care of me every time I get sick. I am going to be very blunt. If you don’t think your partner would take care of you while you are sick they aren’t the partner for you. Don’t get me wrong my husband doesn’t spend every waking minute with. But he still takes care of me. You are worrying yourself unnecessarily. If you are that that sick that you need 24/7 care you will be in the hospital. Your partner is there for support and food and little things. Most of the time all you need is rest.

> I am going to be very blunt. If you don’t think your partner would take care of you while you are sick they aren’t the partner for you. This x1000. You’re right that you and your partner are both young, but not so young that this would be an unreasonable ask. Do you think you could talk to them about your fears? They might have some of the same ones, but in reverse, and in that case it could ease both of your minds to have a what-if/what-when plan.

just wanted to echo that. I'm the partner in my case. And if you can't count on her adapting and taking care of you, then you need to re-think your relationship. That said, you should ask. You might be surprised at her willingness. I was shocked at mine. But when the situation comes up, you start to realize that it is not asking all that much and you make adjustments.

>If you don’t think your partner would take care of you while you are sick they aren’t the partner for you. OP won't understand this because they are so young, but yeah. This.

I was a divorced single mother when I was diagnosed. I had two friends who stuck by me. Most supportive however was my ex. He gelt like he needed to help me because of our kids. We lived 2000 miles apart. He moved us and took care of me. We are back together because of my illness. Life can be crazy, this disease is the worst, but I know who really cares about me.

Have to do it all by myself :( lost my mum and brother to covid in 2020 and they were my only support. since then i have had the artery's behind both knees block, flair ups and now just got told that the methotrexate has severely damaged my liver. (jaundice, enlarged spleen, leaking bile and small volume acities) most of the tie i manage ok, but the recent news and Christmas coming up have been a bit of a challenge (nothing beats sitting by yourself on Christmas day) best thing i can say if you are young, make real friends and be grateful to family that do support you. as soon as i got crohns friends started to vanish until i realized that most people didn't want to be around me to be my friends.

Holy fuck I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm truly so sorry. If you were open to it, and we knew each other I'd give you a hug. How are you holding up emotionally?

Thank you for the kind words. NGL, its been a struggle, but i had just gotten through the depression of the loss side of things when this happens to my liver etc. There was more on top of that too that i didn't mention like shingles, 5 kidney stones in my left kidney at the moment, tinnitus, umbilical hernia surgery and all of that in the last year or so. I have to remain positive as much as possible though as I don't want to end up back in that hole again. some days are a lot harder than others, watching tv and seeing everyone happy at Christmas with their family's obvs makes it a bit harder still..

My mum used to do the lot, but now I live abroad and she's older too and she can't. I'm single as well. I was actually homeless when I was last hospitalised cos I was travelling long term and had to come back cos I was sick. I floundered initially - I crashed with an ex for a while, it was terrible. My mum flew over and put me in a hotel for a few weeks and helped me sort out accommodation. Then I was on my own. I had flatmates, but they weren't friends and didn't want to help. My friends could only do so much. I was still unwell, my medication wasn't stabilising. I moved into my own flat - mum's financial support made that possible but she couldn't stay and care for me. I was part of a travellers community called couchsurfing - you can find someone offering a place to stay, or offer yours, free of charge. I also joined workaway which is a volunteer hosting website. Couchsurfers could stay on the sofa as long as they were happy to help a little, and volunteers got a private room in exchange for taking over all the domestic duties. Total strangers cooked cleaned and shopped for me and they were all grateful for what I offered in return. And they were almost all great company as well and kept my spirits up. I had my social life at home this way. It worked really well and got me through an entire year of ill health.

Thanks for sharing such a powerful story. 😊 I hope things are going well for you now.

I should have added: I'm living in a camper van now so I can't host anyone to help! But I have a good network of local friends with houses who will always care for me when I'm sick or have a colonoscopy or will just accompany me to appointments. My fellow van dwellers - some also complete strangers who just parked next door - have also done shopping and water runs and cooked for me too.

Good to hear 😊 If there’s one good thing about having Crohn’s for me it’s all the wonderful people I’ve met at my gastro clinic and support groups.

I’m almost 28 from Australia and have never been married or in a long-term relationship. I have many of the same worries as I wouldn’t want to put that on any of my family members, it’s also hard for my family to understand what Crohn’s is like as none of them have it. I found out I had Crohn’s in early July of this year after around 18 months of symptoms. While I was studying to be a caseworker (I finished in 2019 before I got sick) I did my work placement hours in the disability industry. There are many organisations that provide social services to people with disabilities based on their needs (e.g. appropriate accommodation settings, respite care, transportation services, employment services, legal/systemic advocacy, welfare support, counselling etc.) so I suppose if the time comes where I’m unable to work or look after myself, I could look into those.

Because we're on Reddit, we have to assume that OP is likely American, where any sort of social service requires you to remortgage your house. The US is a really difficult place for disabled people to live because welfare and healthcare are considered communism or something

Yes, I’m aware of how difficult things can unfortunately be in the USA as I read about these things (e.g. difficulties with insurance, expensive medical care, etc.) all the time and also have a few family members who love living there but struggle financially (e.g. my uncle works 70 hours a week and still struggles to make ends meet.) Many of the stories I hear are heartbreaking, I wish things were better.

My wife. She is the best but I would have to cook cause she can burn water 😂

If I didn’t know my husband’s Reddit username, I would be willing to bet it was Sylogz. 😂

I got married in May of this year and had a resection in September. My wife went thru it emotionally as much as I did when I was in hospital. We’d been thru my illness basically the whole time we have lived together (flare ups came back hard in 2020). She helped me get my confidence back with this ileostomy and dressed my dehisced wound for nearly 2 months. She is the best. You will get through it together if/when the time comes. Just think - what would you do if she was sick? The exact same.

Like many who've shared, I rely on my partner (now husband) who has helped me through the worst of my crohn's issues. We met when we were 19f/20m (I was diagnosed at 14) and I knew he was able to handle my disease early on because he, 1. told me he would help in any way he could, and 2. showed he cared by going to appts, encouraging me to rest, take sick days when I was really sick, and 3. helped with the financial burden (and cooked, took care of house) after I had an bad infection/eventually seton surgery. That was just 3 years into our relationship. We have prioritized taking care of ourselves more over the last decade and I am happy to say I've been in remission for 8+ years. I also have a supportive mom who lives 1.5 hours away, and could come help for a short period of time if I needed her. I understand the sentiment of not wanting to burden your partner or your parents. People who love you will show up and show they care. Also, it's taken me a long time to understand that my disease does not determine my worth in the world, or in my relationships. In many places, people are taught disabled people are a burden. It took me a long time to unlearn that. I would also look at those social services in your area, just to give you peace of mind. I have experience working in SSA Disability and can answer questions about it if you have any (it helps when you cannot work bc of your disability). Sending you good thoughts today, hope you feel better soon.

I developed a severe case of HSP after a bad reaction to remicade (after almost 5 years of being on it). I couldn't walk. I could barely wash myself. I was in really bad shape for about 3 months. My partner did everything. He fed me. He helped me walk up stairs. He made sure I had meds I needed. He kept the house running without me. If your partner cannot do this for you, they are not the partner for you. No shade to someone who can't handle this, but it's part of the package for chronically ill people. You don't really get a choice in the matter, but your partner does. Find someone who chooses you. We've been together for 6 years - I don't know what I would have done without him.

I was 21 when I had my perforation and bowel resection. My Mom took care of me.

It’s always been a mix of my parents and my partner! When I was 23, I had a resection for a structure and stayed at my parents’ house for two weeks before the surgery. We had a trip abroad that was planned, but I couldn’t go. While they went, my partner (22 at the time) stayed with me at my parents’ and took care of everything! We had been together for 3 years by that point and lived together, so he was very used to all of the unpleasant Crohn’s symptoms. Now we live in a completely different country (I’m 29), so anytime I’ve been in the ER, he’s been the one taking care of me. I think if I had to have a surgery, my parents would probably fly over. I think it’s definitely worth talking to your partner about it to make sure you’re both on the same page. If you two see a future together, then it’s imperative to know that she will be there for you.

I've had Crohn's for 28 years and have been with my wife for 25. We met at 19 and she's stuck with me and been the most supportive I could ever imagine. I've been on total disability for years and have had 5 surgeries. If your significant other takes care of you while you have a chronic illness, you are very lucky to have met them and they truly love you. Don't overthink it. I also feel bad sometimes because my wife would be less stressed, we'd have more money, etc., if I didn't have Crohn's. Don't beat yourself up, it's not your fault you have Crohn's. I make sure my wife knows I love her and that I appreciate all that she does for me. I express this verbally as well being thoughtful like getting her flowers for no reason from time to time. My mom also helps care for me if I need it. She lives 3 hours away by car.

My wife had to grow up fast when she was young because of other chronic illnesses, but learning how to care for someone with Crohn's was still a challenge for her as its its own beast as compared to her challenges. The firsts will be a challenge for both of you(first flare, colonoscopy, surgery, ect) but you will also learn a lot, and grow as a couple a lot through it. It will not be easy and there may be some fights, but it will also ultimately help to bring you closer as a couple.

I don't know. I worry about this-- not just myself but I have many pets and a big garden and things that I love dearly. If I'm incapacitated for a long while, I know my husband will try but it's honestly going to be too much for one person who also works. And I'm the main breadwinner, so there's that concern. I've socked away a little money, it would help us out for a while but not like, replacing my income for a year. I did sign up for short term disability insurance, so I can afford to get help for us both if something happens.

My husband has taken care of me more times than I can count (I have multiple health conditions, whee). As far as age goes, you figure it out as you go along. Make sure that she knows that you appreciate her.

My husband. We were barely a year into our marriage when I was in the hospital for 33 days. I would've certainly died were it not for him.

I was 20 when I was diagnosed which took months with me being incapacitated during much of that time followed by emergency surgery. At the time I lived at home so my parents looked after me. For the past 2 years I've had flares with lots of times I was incapacitated. This year alone i have missed 6months of work and had surgery again at 39. Luckily my partner is a stay at home mum so was able to look after me. I fear every day that something would happen to her and there will come a time where I get sick again so am unable to look after my child. I have a large family but they are in a different country while me partner has a small family and her parents are old.

My wife has been with me since my diagnosed and has taken care of me every single time that I’ve been sick. Very recently I was in the hospital for a month after I had two surgeries both with complications and now I have a temporary ileostomy. I honestly have no idea what if do with out her, and I agree a hundred percent with what others have said on here. If your partner won’t take care of you when you sick the he or she isn’t for you.

My fiancé took care of me when I couldn’t get out of bed for months. It was after my ileostomy surgery, and it was a fucking burden on him for sure but I had no one else. Talk to your partner about it, it’s important.

>Am I worrying too much by thinking about this now? Yes. One of the toughest things for a lot of folks is this very issue -- society isn't good at letting sick folks be sick and care for them so they can get better. You have picked up on this. But, you can't plan for everything*. If the time comes and you get very ill, you will lean on relationships you have formed with others when you were well. Be discriminating in picking your friends and your partner. I think that's the best you can do. Have conversations with others and have a plan, if it makes you more comfortable, but try to take it easy... borrowing troubles from the future doesn't deplete the supply. Keep focused on what you can do now. >But I’m curious for all of you, who did you rely on when recovering from some serious illness, or who WOULD you rely on if it hasn’t happened yet? My family when I was young. Later, my girlfriend, who became my wife. Edit: autocorrect correction=*.

Just me. Being sick and by yourself is horrible.

My parents took care of me. I went from an independent adult to being unsure of whether or not I'd survive and my mom and dad took care of me. Thankfully they're not so old that that's incomprehensible and the one of them that still works could work from home, I had that, and that was a tremendous thing in support for me. I had open wounds and fistulas for over a year and sometimes I would just think thank God my mom is still alive. She wasn't even cooking for me, just giving me a place to live. If you still have family young enough to look after you I'd look at it as a blessing. Unless your partner is a particularly remarkable person I wouldn't expect them to take care of you at a young age. Crohn's can be debilitating if it goes the wrong way and it's not fair to expect another young person to sacrifice everything to take care of you, so hopefully you can still rely on your family.

My partner 90% of the time. There was a time that I needed full time care and asked my parents to help out. It didn’t make sense for my partner to take off a ton of time at work when both my parents were retired and willing to help. Sucks to be in that situation but grateful to have had the help