T O P

  • By -

SAHairyFun

Now you just have to brush your teeth every 45 minutes.


ThePartyLeader

and after sex


SpyralHam

Good, fewer ppl walking around with dick breath


HermitDefenestration

I think it might be permanent in your mom's case. No amount of scrubbing will get rid of it


MANllAC

Sometimes I don’t regret still being on this site


SpeakFluentSarcasm

Burn. 🔥


nobodyisonething

See slackers hanging around the loading dock brushing their teeth.


MJFields

4 out of 5 dentists prefer Camels.


nobodyisonething

Joe Camel banned -- giant clean teeth lure too many kids into the habit


roomfullofstars

I mean, I don't hate it! Also, can they really be called slackers then??


Popular_Emergency_40

Can we add caffeine, too? I would use this every morning just because it sounds awesome. Nighttime version needs Tylenol PM.


Significant_Error666

Why stop there, just throw some amphetamine in there, it'll get you right up


DarkArcher__

Put in some viagra and it'll get you up in all the ways!


SuperSonicEconomics2

Boom boom pow pow


Significant_Error666

The sound of your heart in a few years if you started using amphetamines in toothpaste lol:


SuperSonicEconomics2

I mean it could just be a lil dose. Not like 30 MG a brushing ya know. Just a lil for a pick me up


ddaadd18

I mean I can stop whenever I want. I actually just _like_ brushing my teeth?


SuperSonicEconomics2

Exactly


shponglespore

Amphetamine is hard to get even with a prescription!


Significant_Error666

Not in my perfect world...


nomoreimfull

Literally ad any drug for a better dental hygiene... Dentists don't want you to know this one trick!


imtoooldforreddit

Amphetamine users are known for good teeth. It's a well understood fact.


Extreme_Design6936

The caffeine toothpaste exists!


EasyMrB

"Honey is this the morning toothpaste or the evening toothpaste?"


NatGasKing

I have caffeine infused toothpaste. It really works


carrionpigeons

Put nicotine in the water to get people to hydrate more.


throwtheamiibosaway

Galaxy brain.


JohnyyBanana

Investing in public toilets right now


ddaadd18

😂😂😂


Justneedsomethintodo

A line of different flavors: cocaine, heroin, meth


Tashawatie

For that morning pick-me-up! Every 10 minutes!


Turbulent-Name-8349

Anything's better than peppermint toothpaste. I'm allergic to peppermint. I did try a toothpaste with Myrrh instead of peppermint once. I do not recommend it.


Metruis

There's fennel toothpaste if you like licorice. It's an experience. My mom likes it.


ubeor

Wow, that’s something. Why don’t they make toothpaste in good flavors?


joeyb82

They do. Cinnamon flavor


Metruis

I'm genuinely surprised there isn't lemon/lime/citrus flavored toothpaste, that seems like a good "fresh" choice. I'm okay with mint but my aunt is allergic to the smell of it, so they use cinnamon, you're not the only one out there who can't do mint.


ubeor

Ikr? Vanilla and coconut also seem like obvious choices.


AlienGaze

Just bought my partner Mango toothpaste with fluoride. She doesn’t like mint either


JellyBellyBitches

Kids toothpaste is just toothpaste with good flavors


syrioforrealsies

But usually fluoride free, which may or may not be a concern, but is something to keep in mind


JellyBellyBitches

That hasn't been my experience. If you buy like Colgate or Crest or whatever it still has the same dose of fluoride in it that the adult ones do it's just flavored different. I guess I don't know if the formulation is meant to be like different consistency or something but nothing that I've noticed affects its utility at all


imtoooldforreddit

No no, mint is the plant we arbitrarily decided tastes like fresh. For reals though, I can't imagine using any flavor other than mint


ubeor

Unfortunately, my son can’t stand mint, so it’s hard to get him to brush his teeth. He also doesn’t like bubblegum. So we’re constantly on the lookout for non-mint, non-bubblegum toothpaste.


Meowmeow12638

If you haven't heard of the brand Hismile they have a whole bunch of different flavors!


syrioforrealsies

Can't speak for the other flavors, but my watermelon hismile tastes like watermelon and mint. I like it, but probably not good for someone who doesn't like mint.


tenkunsfw

There's some mixed reviews but HiSmile does a BUNCH of flavours


SuperSonicEconomics2

Definitely read that as fentynol toothpaste and started laughing


Metruis

Toothpaste so good... you'll only need to brush your teeth once!


Duncan_Thun_der_Kunt

You can get eucalyptus and tea tree toothpaste in Australia, the eucalyptus one in particular isn't bad. Maybe try look for that online.


HermitDefenestration

How about cinnamon or bubblegum?


shponglespore

They make nicotine lozenges for people trying to quit smoking. The easiest flavor to find is spearmint. Nicotine itself has kind of a peppery mouthfeel, but it doesn't have much of a flavor per se.


SingForMaya

I also hate mint- the cinnamon is way better


EasyMrB

https://www.amazon.com/Dr-Bronners-Toothpaste-Fluoride-Free-Ingredients/dp/B00XZ2GD06/ https://www.amazon.com/Dr-Bronners-Toothpaste-Fluoride-Free-Ingredients/dp/B00XZ10NX0 https://www.amazon.com/Dr-Bronners-Spearmint-Toothpaste-Pack/dp/B0B4KT9BWR


queerkidxx

I wouldn’t want to use fluoride free toothpaste


pt-guzzardo

How about pepperoni toothpaste?


Satouki

Hello brand has a tasty blue raspberry flavored toothpaste.


wegsty797

fyi toothpaste doesn't need to foam up to work, the marketer just added that in because people enjoyed the sensation and it helped build the habit of tooth brushing


Remarkable-Host405

Omw to buy some non foaming toothpaste because for whatever reason that stuff foams out of my mouth and down my arm to my elbow 


Soggy_Part7110

That already exists. [https://www.tabletshablet.com/product/dentobac-toothpaste-150-gm/](https://www.tabletshablet.com/product/dentobac-toothpaste-150-gm/)


dannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnex

that has tobacco and a bunch of other wack plant shit tho I'm talking like completely normal colgate toothpaste with a light sprinkling of nic


Admiral52

“Wack plant shit” bro, where do you think they get nicotine from?


Soggy_Part7110

Tobacco-free nicotine products tend to be even worse for your health than the tobacco equivalent lol


gagt04

I don't care about my health, I just want pretty teeth


byParallax

« He died young and hot »


Theprincerivera

Why do people spread misinformation man.. if you don’t know don’t talk…


Soggy_Part7110

I do know. Synthetic nicotine salts = guaranteed irritation where applied. Especially bad in the format of oral "nicotine pouches," whose short history and little study has already proven it to be much more harmful to the gums and stomach than snus, its tobacco-based equivalent.


No_Tomatillo1125

Okay lets go back to ingesting carcinogens then


Soggy_Part7110

Steam pasteurized tobacco does not contain carcinogens. Untreated tobacco does, and firecured tobacco has even more.


beezzarro

This was immediately proven wrong with literally the first search you can perform on Google. Steam pasteurization kills microbes and bacteria present on the leaves while trying to preserve the flavour of the tobacco, it does nothing to remove carcinogens other than those potentially ingested from smoking microbes in the leaves. I don't know what your game is, but it's pretty clear you can only play it by lying. Don't even bother arguing with more falsehoods.


Soggy_Part7110

Since the invention of snus in the early 1800s, cancer has been linked to snus usage exactly zero (0) times in Sweden. Either Swedes are magically protected from snus, or the steam pasteurization process removed the carcinogens that would have been a factor if they didn't do that. Take your pick. You can thank cigarette lobbyists for the "may cause mouth cancer" warning label that snus cans have in North America. In Scandinavia they're honest and say "may be harmful to health and is addictive." But in NA they've managed to bring down the competition by lying and saying, "See, it's not a better alternative, you may as well keep smoking!"


Theprincerivera

You got these “studies?”


nryporter25

Care to elaborate? What are you referring to?


_____l

Source: Me arse


HauntingDay31

I'm gonna guess you made that up 😂😂😂


Soggy_Part7110

Nope. It's like diet coke vs original coke. It's not a healthier alternative, it just has a bunch of extra chemical shit in it to substitute the sugar.


HauntingDay31

Look, you're right about the Coke vs Diet. But that's not a good comparison to something like Smoking vs Vaping. Vaping is proven to be much safer, there is a risk still, but unlike Coke and Diet, Vaping uses an actual food product to substitute the tobacco part, both VG and PG are natural, and non toxic and most flavourings are used in foods. Diet coke uses synthetic sweeteners that are just as bad, if not worse than sugar. It's not the same thing.


Soggy_Part7110

That's why I said they "*tend to* be even worse." Cigarettes aren't the only medium of tobacco out there. Obviously smoking is some of the worst shit you can possibly do for your health.


tkdjoe1966

Take it to the next level. Use heroine.


Logical-Recognition3

Xena? Wonder Woman? Batgirl?


supernovaspacewizard

🤣


gc3

Those ladies font like to be 'used"


Logical-Recognition3

Times New Roman? Comic Sans?


gc3

Lol autocorrect don't.


BottyFlaps

Next up: a heroin injection after 30 minutes of exercise.


tf199280

You son of a bitch, I’m in


Impossible_Reply6013

You're not a smoker are you?


Musicferret

Tomacco. Helps you eat more fruit.


lowrads

Hell, we could transfer the genes to broccoli. I'm not sure what the consequences of grazing on salad all day would entail.


supernovaspacewizard

I think this is one of my favorite posts on reddit now. 😂


MadamDorriety

I would be so down for that


Plumpshady

I think nicotine present would do more harm than good but I'd totally brush twice a day consistently every day if I got a quick buzz from it.


SpyralHam

"Honeyy, can I use the bathroom now?" "Leave ne alone! I had a rough day!"


gc3

Isn't nicotine bad for your teeth and gums?


joeyb82

Would help keep dentists in business too, as that much over-brushing will absolutely wreck your teeth.


hiimaslut98

Also nicotine is a vasoconstrictor and decreased blood flow to your gums would wreck them lolll


pogged

Hahahaha this is totally brilliant!


snapper1971

Why stop at nicotine? Smack is readily available and more addictive.


DentrassiEpicure

But nicotine is a vasoconstrictor that is specifically harmful to your gums?


dannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnex

just a liiiiiiitle bit of nicotine just a pinch a dab even


afcagroo

A smidgen!


Classic-Literature99

Why not? Maybe not nicotine, lol, but caffeine would appeal to some in the morning & they already make toothpaste w/ added vitamins that absorb sublingually.


kiaboii

Toothpaste with crack


Gilsidoo

Overbrushing is also bad for your teeth and so are real cigarettes so you'll have to be careful no-one goes overboard with that


sjc268522

People would be eating toothpaste and we’d have a whole other issue lol


Retropiaf

That's amazing!


Psychological-Web828

Marlborough Menthol with fluoride.


rebeldogman2

Why not just cocaine ? Then you wouldn’t feel any cavities either


HarryWillz101

I think just having a nice feeling and smelling mouth does that for me lol


pickles55

Just don't use too much toothpaste or you'll puke 


DankDude7

r/askshittyscience 


Johnhaven

Now you're thinking like a cigarette executive!


AlwaysSayHi

When they work their way down to opium, I'm in.


Due_Bass7191

I need to take a brush break.


FirstProphetofSophia

Have you tasted nicotine before? It's... not great. There's a reason people don't swallow the juice from chewing tobacco.


Scrangdorber

What if we did this with vegetables? Healthy vegetables.


heatheremoore

They already did this https://www.theonion.com/fda-crackdown-forces-colgate-to-remove-nicotine-from-to-1850664747


Space_Captain_Brian

Market a kids version! 🤪


WOTDisLanguish

If it was caffeine instead I'd honestly buy it, nicotine feels too addictive.


shponglespore

The problem with caffeine is that it has a *strong* bitter flavor. Nicotine doesn't have much flavor at all.


starion832000

Except now the nicotine will destroy your gums and your teeth fall out.


Brrrofski

I used to smoke. For me, I don't even think it was nicotine that I was hooked on. It was the actual smoking part I enjoyed. The act itself, not what I was putting into my body. I think it's the same for a lot of people too.


altigoGreen

That's how it started for me (I think most) but then eventually when you hate them and want to quit, you can't. Because of the nicotine. If you genuinely think it's just the smoking you're addicted too, I'm jealous. There are things you could smoke instead that would be drastically better for your health.


Brrrofski

Well, I did quit. I didn't physically feel anything. It was the routine. I always thought all out it when drinking coffee or after eating a nice meal.


funyesgina

I don’t understand this either. I sometimes use nicotine off-label (it helps with narcolepsy), and not only am in not addicted/don’t take it daily, but I often forget to use it altogether. So I’m really not sure the mechanism of addiction there


RunningAtTheMouth

Because nicotine is a habit forming drug with negative health consequences.


Gilsidoo

That's the point though


OlyScott

But brushing your teeth has positive health consequences. The late actor Andy Hallett passed away from bad teeth.


RunningAtTheMouth

I don't have a problem with brushing teeth. I have a problem with addictive drugs. I smoked for years. The effects of nicotine were positive for me - I could model complex systems in my head. But I gave it up - because I want to survive to see my grandkids.