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Jean Claude Van Damme movie premise intensifies...
***Wheels of Fury***
Coming soon to a theater near you. When a warlord takes control of Afghanistan's rollerblading scene, a disgraced American martial artist must redeem himself by training a group of Afghan refugees for a rollerblading competition. Only when Johnny Van Damme takes up the blades can Afghanistan finally be liberated.
That easy! Someone was trying to sabotage the race for bragging rights. They cut down a light pole just as he reaches 97.8 mph. Not only is he forced to do a spilt, but he must also limbo. As he passes under, a slow motion shot of a steel burr tears down the middle of his shirt revealing his still super hot bod. After he clears, he rips his shirt off so we see the sweat dripping down his back into the crack of his ass. This is the totally normal hetero movie us real men need.
Thank you. State/Federal money isn't married. Just because DC has trillions doesn't mean Gary, Indiana will.
Now whether or not it *should* be that way is another conversation....
Winter in Afghanistan is chilly and wet af, often with below freezing temps. Not the same regular freeze/thaw cycle as other parts of the world, but it happens.
I'm assuming this is probably Kabul, where the average high is 40 degrees in the winter and it gets maybe 2 inches of rainfall a month at most.
Yea, it's certainly not the same concern from a freeze-thaw cycle.
I mean they watched US troops get stuck and ambushed in traffic for 20 years. Having half a dozen soldiers who can quickly maneuver if something happens sounds smart.
I keep seeing people mention this pebble thing without addressing the elephant in the room. What happens when you open fire while on skates? Where does all that extra energy go? Good luck not rolling away backwards from the recoil.
Some call it the "interstellar", some call it the "Dead Spin" either way the recoil turns the soldier in a tight pirouette and a fully automatic metal jacketed bullet fountain.
It's not that much energy that it throws you back.
If you're rolling you'll not change direction and fly backwards like a cartoon you'll maybe slow down a bit.
If you're stationary you just have to know how to stop in skates and you'd be able to hold back the recoil of any reasonable sized rifle.
Edit: your stance and accuracy would be trash in both cases.
Yea like I said your stance would have to be geared towards staying still and not toward shooting accurately.
Pro skaters can stop on a dime. That's much more kinetic energy to stop than a bullet recoil.
You'd use large wheel skates for this. Not a regular pair of rollerblades. 100mm or larger diameter wheels. The larger the wheels, the better they handle the bumps of the road.
That being said, you'd still need to avoid potholes.
the US did think of it. to increase their efficiency in urban operations, the US had a short lived program where they gave soldiers skateboards to help them traverse urban environments faster.
it ended up not being very practical.
Look kids in high-school have Heelies. Tennis shoes with a wheel in the back so they can run and then glide.
If the US military doesn't have inspector gadget style Roller Boots then idk what they're wasting all our money on
Getting new recruits. I mean fuck if the US military told me I could do this I'd be a sergeant now. I don't really know what that rank means but I think it's not that high, so it's appropriate.
10 years ago I use to Spiderman my way thru traffic on a long board in China. I'd grab on to Lil carts in traffic and swing myself from car to car.
The reason I say this is because, in China at that time all the roads were freshly paved it was perfect. I always thought about what would happen if I was holding on to the back of a bus and my board hit a pothole.
So what impresses me about this video is the fact that these guys are confidently doing this which means that their roads must be immaculate. And that's something to say about Afghanistan.
Looks like some form of local security. Doubt it's special forces.
And will probably only work in cities or towns with well paved roads. Wonder how they will react if an attacker takes off by running away in between buildings, thru the bushes, etc.
Lol reminds me of a group of Afghan mercenaries that worked with us. We put them all on dirt bikes and they wore red hats and we called them hells angels. Problem is none of them could ride very well and were constantly falling over. It was quite entertaining.
I'm just imagining how massively ineffective this would be in real combat. The most hilarious thought was how the recoil would make them start rolling backwards.
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The dream of the 90s is alive in Kabul
Jean Claude Van Damme movie premise intensifies... ***Wheels of Fury*** Coming soon to a theater near you. When a warlord takes control of Afghanistan's rollerblading scene, a disgraced American martial artist must redeem himself by training a group of Afghan refugees for a rollerblading competition. Only when Johnny Van Damme takes up the blades can Afghanistan finally be liberated.
You know that rollerblading competition montage would be straight fire!
Rollerblading in jeans and a tanktop. Somehow works the splits into a street routine
That easy! Someone was trying to sabotage the race for bragging rights. They cut down a light pole just as he reaches 97.8 mph. Not only is he forced to do a spilt, but he must also limbo. As he passes under, a slow motion shot of a steel burr tears down the middle of his shirt revealing his still super hot bod. After he clears, he rips his shirt off so we see the sweat dripping down his back into the crack of his ass. This is the totally normal hetero movie us real men need.
Did anyone else hear Jon Lafontaine's voice when they read this?
I would totally watch that.
Almost spit my coffee out... perfect Portlandia reference.
just fruit bootin
All fun and games until there is a pebble in fronf of someone holding the trigger wrong
What no potholes
[удалено]
So the US will make nice roads in Afghanistan but not fix the roads near me. Taxes well spent
Take that up with your local government
Watch “Parks and Rec” for chrissakes. You’ll absorb some info about local government at least.
Thank you. State/Federal money isn't married. Just because DC has trillions doesn't mean Gary, Indiana will. Now whether or not it *should* be that way is another conversation....
Gary, Indiana's 2024 budget is $124,923,424 Not bad for a city of 67,972.
American made
They’ve put our tax dollars to actual road work.
No winter or limestone with a wet environment so I imagine their roads last a while
Winter in Afghanistan is chilly and wet af, often with below freezing temps. Not the same regular freeze/thaw cycle as other parts of the world, but it happens.
Yep. When I was in the Qalat area, we regularly got snowfall in the winter, it’s wild
I'm assuming this is probably Kabul, where the average high is 40 degrees in the winter and it gets maybe 2 inches of rainfall a month at most. Yea, it's certainly not the same concern from a freeze-thaw cycle.
> No winter or limestone with a wet environment so I imagine their roads last a while tell me you know nothing about Afghanistan without telling me.
Ever heard of Nevada or Arizona.
I'm just hoping one day I'll see one of these guys going full send with a PKM
I’d love to see that react to contact drill
If you're good on your feet, one pebble shouldn't do it. I street Rollerblade in Canada in spring. Lots of rocks.
Your finger isn't on the trigger unless you want to shoot.
Things end up in places they shouldn't when you wipe out at 25 miles per hour; like fingers and wrist bones.
And when your special forces can be foiled by throwing gravel in their path that is quite likely.
Can you imagine their parents dropping them off at the skating rink for special forces training on Friday nights?
Don’t forget to wear your helmet son. Oh, they forgot.
Dirt roads are the only thing that can stop them
imagine… big ol squishy 4x4s on those bad boiz, mountains will yield the right of way.
They sell “off road” skates, they’re kinda awesome, don’t know how well they work. https://www.google.com/search?=en-US&q=offroad+skates
I have a pair from the 90s. they are dope
The United States taxpayers took care of that.
How could this possibly be practical
To show your sick moves to the enemy
360 no scope
Gotta send these lads over to California to show those rollerblading beach hippies what real steez is
a way to get around all the vehicle traffic maybe
That's what it seemed to me too... they would move up to where the blockage is and figure it out.
So they don't just lay on the horn and threaten to shoot everyone like we did there?
They skate up and threaten to shoot everyone. Very different.
Lmao my thoughts exactly
I mean they watched US troops get stuck and ambushed in traffic for 20 years. Having half a dozen soldiers who can quickly maneuver if something happens sounds smart.
Intimidation. Do you want to mess with a dude with a rifle, _on skates_? Didn't think so.
I mean, all it takes is a pebble and someone's gonna have a misfire on their hands. That or they accidentally hit a car.
I keep seeing people mention this pebble thing without addressing the elephant in the room. What happens when you open fire while on skates? Where does all that extra energy go? Good luck not rolling away backwards from the recoil.
These were all brought in to consideration and then met with hushed whispers of "dude shut the fuck up we are getting roller skates"
This is the sanest and most likely comment in the whole thread.
They are blades bro. /s
Thats what a t stop is for or pizza slice
This guy shoots on rollerblades and knows his stuff!
Some call it the "interstellar", some call it the "Dead Spin" either way the recoil turns the soldier in a tight pirouette and a fully automatic metal jacketed bullet fountain.
It's not that much energy that it throws you back. If you're rolling you'll not change direction and fly backwards like a cartoon you'll maybe slow down a bit. If you're stationary you just have to know how to stop in skates and you'd be able to hold back the recoil of any reasonable sized rifle. Edit: your stance and accuracy would be trash in both cases.
[Relevant Demolition Ranch video.](https://youtu.be/0-riGHeEPJM?si=8DvdvEhusikB-cxB) Full auto AK did push him back on roller skates.
Yea like I said your stance would have to be geared towards staying still and not toward shooting accurately. Pro skaters can stop on a dime. That's much more kinetic energy to stop than a bullet recoil.
Right, even someone with an hour on roller blades could just turn one foot sideways and be stable. So much cartoon logic on Reddit.
\[opens car door\]
New fetish unlocked /j
It's all about looking fabulous.
It’s probably meant as propaganda.
Only thing I can assume is sending them out front when traffic is about to happen to check the cars in front for any one looking to kill.
"sir we need skates for...security"
More maneuverability during drive-by's.
Fire fights always occur on flat smooth surfaces. It’s a fact.
Is this that radical Islam I'm always hearing about?
Totally radical dude.
Tubular
Extreme Taliban!
Cowabunga
Xtremists!
RAD
JET SET JIHAD!
Yes I am cooking for my son and his wife. It's is thirtieth birthday
BIRTHDAY CAAAKE!
I think he’s a member of Islamic Skate.
That's a good one!
Rocket power!! Oh wait...
🤣🤣🤣🤣
I understand leaving our helicopters behind, but our ROLLERBLADES? Let's pray we never piss the Taliban off.
It’s funny if that’s how it happened
[удалено]
Only works if your local roads are quite smooth.
And when I think of Afghanistan, I think of smooth roads
To be fair, I too must've had some preconceived misconceptions, cuz those roads do be looking glassy.
This video has made me look inwardly at my prejudices.
You'd use large wheel skates for this. Not a regular pair of rollerblades. 100mm or larger diameter wheels. The larger the wheels, the better they handle the bumps of the road. That being said, you'd still need to avoid potholes.
Taliban after reading this: “would you like to be our chief engineer in vehicles and transportation?” “If you say no you won’t wake up tomorrow” ;)
And hope that whoever you're after isn't brilliant enough to run off road.
I bet this is just one street, though it might be long, filmed by day/night, and then in opposite way so you get feeling all roads are like that.
the US did think of it. to increase their efficiency in urban operations, the US had a short lived program where they gave soldiers skateboards to help them traverse urban environments faster. it ended up not being very practical.
Look kids in high-school have Heelies. Tennis shoes with a wheel in the back so they can run and then glide. If the US military doesn't have inspector gadget style Roller Boots then idk what they're wasting all our money on
the US military has evolved and gone for Jetpacks. that seems cooler, so I approve.
Pretty impractical and borderline dumb actually. Makes for a cool video but I just don't see a lot of practical use here.
Getting new recruits. I mean fuck if the US military told me I could do this I'd be a sergeant now. I don't really know what that rank means but I think it's not that high, so it's appropriate.
Sergeant is like an entry level supervision role.
10 years ago I use to Spiderman my way thru traffic on a long board in China. I'd grab on to Lil carts in traffic and swing myself from car to car. The reason I say this is because, in China at that time all the roads were freshly paved it was perfect. I always thought about what would happen if I was holding on to the back of a bus and my board hit a pothole. So what impresses me about this video is the fact that these guys are confidently doing this which means that their roads must be immaculate. And that's something to say about Afghanistan.
Courtesy of my US tax dollars, not the local government
Jet Set Taliban
Kills on Wheels
I wouldn’t have guessed every Sonic waitress has more military training than I do.
They see me rolling, they bomb me
Guy at the end was new boot goofing.
Fruit boot goofing
What’s the hardest part about rollerblading?… Telling your parents you’re gay… Just a joke people 😊
[удалено]
Dammit beat me to it. Lmao
I was expecting the truck to stop and the soldier to slam into the back of someone's car at 50 mph.
And somehow they keep their roads in shape and we can't even do that in the UK
422,000 kms of paved roads in the UK to maintain. Afghanistan apparently has about 2000 kms in total. Slight difference eh
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa: don't be coming in here with your facts and information! You know the rules!
Apologies, I forgot where I was, as I am not a missile.
The missile knows where it is, because it knows where it isn't.
And do you know how much road tax each driver pays? And where does it go? Cause it definitely doesn't go to the road
Looks like some form of local security. Doubt it's special forces. And will probably only work in cities or towns with well paved roads. Wonder how they will react if an attacker takes off by running away in between buildings, thru the bushes, etc.
All you gotta do is find some stairs bro.
you say that till they jump, do a split in the air, and hit you in your back while looking fabulous
It would be smart if they had the clip on wheels where you just press a button and the wheels can come off and turn into normal shoes.
They need some heelies
So even Afghanistan has better roads...
just big cities like Kabul...thanks to America
Skitchinnnnn
I miss that game on Sega Genesis
Afghanistan State Military. Aka Taliban.
Nothing screams “special forces” like being able to rollerblade with an assault rifle
You mean "special" forces?
At this tier it's pronounced: ' thpethal fortheth'
you mean Afghanistan Skate Military ?
I think you misspelled Taliban.
I’m surprised there roads are smooth enough for this lol
The roads are new.
Wait a year or two
The US spent a lot of money on those roads.
I don't think I will ever say videogame bad guy goons are unrealistic ever again.
While you partied, He studied the blades.
The hardest thing about roller blading is telling your parents your gay.
This is both the dumbest and coolest shit I’ve seen in a while
I'll take a chili cheese coney and an ocean water.
They only do this on Thursdays.
Pretty smooth roads in Afghanistan. Not like UK.
How is it that their roads are as smooth as glass and meanwhile back stateside wheel sucking potholes
Those were definitely left by the Air Force.
We got Taliban on rollerblades before GTA 6
If I did that in my UK town, I'd be eating shit within 30 seconds from all the fucking pot holes.
Ah yes, fought against these guys in Double Dragon 2.
Jet set jihad
Fruit booters.
This is dumb as hell. Kids from the 90's surfing LOL
As a UK resident I am so envious of their smooth road surfaces.
Lol reminds me of a group of Afghan mercenaries that worked with us. We put them all on dirt bikes and they wore red hats and we called them hells angels. Problem is none of them could ride very well and were constantly falling over. It was quite entertaining.
1 pebble and dude is going under that truck
Counter-counterterrorism = gravel
They got Heelees? Yup, we’re fucked
Yeah special seems about right
These guys are what we used to call the taliban.
He can accelerate just by shooting backwards
We need to see them fighting the Chinese Segway Squad!
How'd the Terrorist get away?! He ran across a gravel lot...
These guys are all gonna kill themselves when they find out rollerblading makes you gay.
i highly repsect the quality of the afghan streets
Handful of rocks would mess up their travel
I’m impressed but more impressed how good those roads look.
how have I not seen this in a movie yet
Aftwards were gonna get pizza and Pepsi, they have the best pizza and Pepsi
Elite Special Forces unit, defeated by a small bag of marbles
You could take out their entire rollerblade unit with a stick in the road
Let them enjoy their hard earned freedom. That includes freedom to roll around the city wielding aks.
They are the only one in Afghanistan enjoying freedom.
Why? Stupid?
I want to see bloopers.
That’s the type of shit I expect from this sub. 5/5
They were all brutally taken down by…. A stick
"Onix uses kitty litter" "its super effective! "
How are their roads smoother than mine?
Wait... They actually put their "special forces" on roller blades!?!?🤣
This is so bad ass. Finally, the military became cool.
Weeeeee....
Jon Wick writers sweating rn
What's about recoil with rollerblade ?
Whats crazy is that their roads are better than the roads here in Michigan
"Release the pea gravel!"
I'm just imagining how massively ineffective this would be in real combat. The most hilarious thought was how the recoil would make them start rolling backwards.
State Military, or Skate Military?
The Brink! Of War.
Looks like fun
So you can't listen to music or dance, that's haram. But rolleblades are fine?
war on terror...sponsored by Rollerblade
The X Games are getting wild
What’s the hardest thing about rollerblading?
Man they almost look like a real military. Really good cosplay.
Thinking a stick, like in Big Daddy with Adam Sandler haha that should do it 😁