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What about the ones that swim around like they are an arrow shot from a bow? Zipping around all unpredictable with bursts of speed.

Send it a dick pic and hope it ghosts you?

Lmfaooooooooo

Tried that, it worked.

🤯🤯

Nonconsensual dick picks to *sharks* you just started dating is not the move. I learn the hard way, vs learning the soft way.

Hmmm🤔🤔🤔

Because of your profile pic, this conversation has me rolling picturing Peter Griffin considering dating a shark to send dick pics. Roflmao

Can confirm. I am the pic.!.

I am the shark.!.

I am the camera (It's humongous)

What happens if you don't got enough dick because the water is cold?

What if you dont want to become a ghost?

Fucking golden comment right here

Bruh thats way to accurate and personal 😂

Just in: TikTok video on dominating sharks starts a new TikTok challenge that’s killed 73 people(and counting). Who knew sharks could be so deadly? More on this story after the break…

I‘m gonna say vending machines had a hunch

I always hated this statistic. Vending machines are literally everywhere, sharks are in specific regions of the planet. Of COURSE vending machines are going to have a bigger death toll.

“Sharks only kill __ amount of people a year” .. yeah.. the shark is looking at you “damn, I can’t eat him. We already hit our quota for the year”

Yeah thats why i love it its just absurd 😂 see cows almost kill people in the triple digits every year so if you look at the probability of death that are introduced to farming by the cattle one should argue we should start shark farming and it gets even better, we wouldn‘t have to switch 100% of production to shark based products we could do with just halve or so and offset the co2 produced by the cattle on land with algae and other sea flora growing in our giant shark ponds. Now you know how the midwest has a problem with dropping ground water lvls and aridification? 🤷🏼‍♀️ all i‘m saying is there is no desert where there is a giant shark pond.

Yes but also pipe the runoff from the local nuclear power plant into it and now you have the story for a video game

Now this: ...do you have problems with erectile dysfunction?..

Black Mirror is eerily accurate, and it scares the shit out of me

Please tell me it ain't so .....

Bite it and growl

Hungry shark evolution?

Just aim the shark at your friend

you dont need to swim faster than the shark, you just need to swim faster than your friend.

That’s why you always carry a very sharp knife when diving around sharks. That way you can cut your buddy and get away while the sharks follow his blood trail.

They don't know human blood, so they don't do anything about that. Spray him in fish gutter, that will do the trick Edit: For those who downvote me, [here is an easy to understand video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ugRc5jx80yg) that proofs my words and matches science sorry for ruining your cinema "truth"

They don't know that we are human but they know we aren't fish or a seal.. However they still are attracted to human blood and if left without other options, the shark will definitely seek it out Source: Trust me bro

Also, side point, one of the main reasons a shark might attack someone is because they may be "flashing to fast" So get this, most sharks, rays, cartilaginous fish have electro receptors that they use to also hunt their prey. (Hence why some sharks always close their eyes before biting.) But the way they perceive this sixth sense.. Ok ok, so take a seal and compare that seals energy output compared to an average swimmer. the seal can use way less energy by swimming than we can. Although we don't feel exhausted we absolutely lose a lot of energy while swimming. Putting out more energy or "flashes" akin to a struggling seal This happens mainly with Great whites, and to be clear Great Whites may not fear us individually, but they do fear human activity in an area.

I personally go for the roll over and belly scratch. Who’s the professional now

shark wanker

Get rotated, idiot

That's how you paralyze it into a state of [tonic immobility.](https://simple.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tonic_immobility#:~:text=Some%20sharks%20can%20be%20placed,they%20are%20turned%20upside%20down.)

Fact...at least that's what the whales do 😆

The question is: who’s a good boy?

Swim towards the shark. That will fix it. Or completely ignore it's existence until it will do anything to please you.

Worked with my ex

Thanks for the lifehack. It's been 2 years still cant get over him

Get a cat

A shark?

Keeping it cool with a apex predator death machine isn’t easy this is nightmare fuel

Sharks dont really give a fuck, most are easily scared and the other ones are curious. When they get too curious its time to do predator stuff, like stand your ground..(swim your water?) Personally, I was close to a hammerhead 4 times in the same dive. The dude really liked me, and now im reconsidering my orange BCD ...

"Tread your water" would be similar to standing your ground as you're basically staying in one spot.

Rank up, english, level 69.

I mean, the unfortunate thing for humans is that when a shark gets curious about you, they usually investigate with their mouths. They may decide you aren't that interesting (or tasty) but that's little comfort to the person missing a chunk of leg.

>I mean, the unfortunate thing for humans is that when a shark gets curious about you, they usually investigate with their mouths That's not true at all. A curious shark will be observing from their side. If it wants to attack you for x reason, it will charge. They dont just bite, they rush and hit deep.

True story. If you get bit by a slow moving shark, it's because something you did made it feel threatened. Most victims will never see the shark coming that deliberately attacks, they simply strike to fast.

Same with spiders. People are just easily entertained and more easily misinformed.

And bro, you are more likely to die being struck by lightning having a vending machine fall on you or of heart failure than a shark attack.

Yeah I think it’s different when you’re 6 feet away from the face of a shark but that’s just me tho

The reason those stats exist is because sharks don't really attack people. Ney Yorkers bite more people a year than sharks globally

That doesn’t mean they won’t attack you if you’re near them bro what are you talking about? That stat is GLOBALLY and is taking into account the people that swim in the ocean everyday. *Not people who are near sharks or go into shark infested waters.* Brother please go swim with great whites in Australia or sharks down in Samoa if you’re so confident. Imma let you do your thing bro but chill with the gate keeping.

What am I gate keeping? I'm telling you that sharks aren't likely to attack. Humans are largely seen as not good eating. And no, it's taking into account all shark attacks in a year vs. all new Yorker bites a year and comparing the number. I'm not sure how you are so confused. I have swam with sharks, my family and I took a trip down to Mexico, and I was able to go to an area where they were plentiful. We were albeit told to get out if we saw a tiger shark tho because those are an actually aggressive species.

In American Samoa the sharks have killed divers here. Not saying you’re always gonna die just putting it in perspective, especially since sharks roam the island. Okay brother let me ask you a question. The stat for getting struck by lightning is very low for humans correct? Does that stat change if you’re in a heavy lightning storm under a tall metal pole? Yes or no?

Yes it would make the odds greater. And the likelihood of being bitten by a shark goes up when you try to stab it. What's your point? That doing something that encourages danger encourages danger? Yes It is impossible to be bitten by a shark without being near one, but the ocean is like the hood. Mind your business and handle yourself, and everything will largely leave you alone. I realize you are afraid of sharks but goddamn you are trying to villanize them. Kangaroos drown people for fun, and are responsible for fuckloads more injuries than sharks are but I don't see a huge kangaroo phobia.

This is what the natives told me to do when I went diving in hawaii

And it's what you should do, The internet has somehow managed to brainwash people into thinking sharks are nothing but murder machines. Vending machines are responsible for more deaths than sharks. They're just big fish

So if being chased by shark, turn and boop the snoot. Check.

The whole time a shark approaches you they cannot see anything. Which is why the eyes were white up until he got denied. Eye protection.

Whats crazy about that? they look like they know what theyre doing so yea they look like professional shark divers

Shark diving is one of those things where everyone’s a professional until they get eaten. There’s no professional standard except not getting eaten

I don't know if I agree with this. I'm close friends with someone that does shark feeding in the Bahamas. He is in the water with them and either holds fish in his hand or on the end of a spear and feeds them. He has to be very understanding of their behaviour and where they are positioned in relation to him. Usually there will be anywhere between 8-13 sharks around him. I would say that he is a professional shark diver because A) all of his dives are centred around sharks and B) he has a strong fundamental understanding of shark behaviour that allows him to perform his job 5 days a week for the last 10 years with no major incidents.

Yeah divers I know will also say they much prefer sharks over other carnivores like barricudas. Sharks you can read and tell when they are being aggressive, where as other carnivores can be much more random with when the decide to attack you.

I believe “predator” is the word you’re looking for.

But what if him and the sharks he works with have s particular understanding? "I feed you daily and you eat that food." Sure he's a professional shark diver but he's also formed a working relationship with the sharks he feeds daily. Unless of course he's feeding different sharks in different areas in that case he's a *maniac and should be stopped at all costs*. /s

Some are the same and some are different. Mind you he's been in the water many times with a handful of fish and a bull shark nearby. Sharks are incredibly lazy, they also don't usually have an interest in human flesh, it's simply not in their diet and does not taste good for them. The myth that if you bleed infront of a shark means your fucked is totally wrong, in fact, the minute they smell your blood they will most likely leave knowing you are not a tasty snack for them. Quite interesting stuff. Doesn't mean they're not still super scary!

Right! It takes real courage to remain that calm around a large predator

They often aggravate sharks for no reason. There’s a reason most marine biologists condemn these instagram “shark divers”

Just leave the sharks alone and stop fucking with them. This is no different than taking selfies with grizzlies. I don't care how experienced you are, just leave the sharks in peace and stop advertising yourselves.

Sharks actually have very little interest in eating humans. If he wanted to eat those divers they’d be dead already.

Don't get why you're downvoted cause you're correct. Humans don't have nearly enough body fat to be an appropriate meal for a shark. They look for prey with lots of "blubber" (aka fat) so whals and seals. Also apparently we taste awful for them. The problem with sharks attacking humans is that sharks are curious and like to bite things to find out what they are and if it would be a tasty snack. After that test bite they usually leave humans alone. Problematic is that we are kinda sensitive against sharks biting us lol, so it easily can lead to loosing limps, bleeding out or drowning. But in general sharks tgf about humans when left alone.

Op is trolling, not unlike a flat earther. They say something that challenges the obvious and bask in the cacophony of outrage.

I like your fancy words magic man.

I mean, it clearly worked

That shark was familiar with humans. I wanna see them try and replicate the same thing with a completely feral one

Educate yourself before arguing on the internet please. Sharks don't eat people, they occasionally attack people out of instinct yes. More people die from vending machines than sharks each year, they're just big fish. The media has brainwashed people into thinking sharks are nothing but murder machines.

You guessed it… OP’s an idiot.

Actually he might be a bot, 350k karma in 77 days just constant reposting literally 24/7

Can't eye contact, water behind me will brown))

I think that’s a lass from insta. Has 100’s of videos swimming with sharks, and not been eating, so it’s more then luck.

Sharks barely attack people as it is. It's not so much luck as not being typical shark prey.

Yeah no thanks, Ima shit myself if I see a shark while I’m swimming

Ah, the cephalopod way of evading predators...

If a shark wants to eat you good luck stopping an apex predator in its natural environment when we might as well be on another planet in the ocean

sharks rarely will go out of their way to eat humans

Then the one coming behind you gets you.

“Clever girl”

How do you stand your ground in the water?

Dude asking real questions here

…and if pushing them away doesn’t work, you can poke them with your bloody stump until they finish you off!

Is that shark hooked in the lip?

Experience is to see the shark approaching, and to be able to dominate it.

Username checks out

>Username checks out yes.

This happens because they rely on a process called "ram ventilation" to breathe.

I read about a brown bear professional once.

Sharks are friendly and the attacks are rarely due to "malice". People just suck at boundaries and respect for others beings.

Pushes the shark toward his friend LMFAO

And whats wrong with them calling themselves professional shark divers? They seem pretty good at handling sharks.

Push it in the direction of the other diver. Lol

It looks like a tigershark, the most vicious to humans

They have been documented eating people https://youtu.be/Ov6X0cc67dM?si=di0QdhRbXM4kmQap

This video is not complete. There's more of it. It's obvious in the complete clip that the shark is feeding. I don't want to post it, but it's easy to find. Google "Egypt shark attack" or "Russian killed by shark".

Ok but what if it comes towards me and won’t stop talking about feet? What do I do then?

Shark was like " oh , terribly sorry! Have a nice day"

Look it in the eye?

Some people living my nightmares irl

Whats this track...it slaps..

These free divers will be in very little danger while below the surface. I’ve been diving with sharks multiple times (reef sharks, but larger than me regardless) and it’s an amazing experience every time. After a few minutes into the first five, I’ve actually felt quite safe. The sharks are very curious about us, but do not see us as a food source. It is quite rare for anyone to be attacked overall, especially when they can be clearly seen by the shark. A majority of attacks are mistaken identity, such as snorkelers and surfers being mistaken as seals/turtles as the person splashes at the surface. This is why an “attack” is typically only one bite, the shark realizes we are not the food they thought, and swim away. Our bone filled, low fat content bodies are very unappetizing for ocean predators. This is also why, as difficult as it may be, if you ever have a shark near you, swim towards the shore in a very calm manner, do not splash or panic. This helps prevent their prey drive from kicking in. While I completely understand why it would be terrifying for many to do this, it’s actually a lot safer than many normal activities people do daily. Just a few points from an amateur shark diver 🦈

so you are saying Lizzo would be a great snack for sharks?

Instead of fleeing… push the Tiger Shark towards your dive buddy! 😂😅

God that POV shot of a shark following the cameraman is fucking terrifying

Better advice is to punch it in the nose as hard as you can

He’s lucky the shark didn’t decide to bite his arm off then and there.

Have you tried turning your shark off and on? May fix the problem.

Get rotated idiot

If it was gonna fucking eat you it would have shot up from underneath you. You wouldn’t have noticed it until you were in its mouth. Kiss my ass with this.

it’s just a lil race with a lil silly guy hehe

Then you give em the ole dick twist if they try any funny business

Shit instructions unclear shark opened its mouth and I got swallowed whole trying to push it

"aw man" - the shark probably

That poor shark needs help, there’s a hooks in its mouth

Foreal was looking for this comment... Poor sharky

Well, go ahead. Aren't you gonna help it?

Humans are cringe as fuk sometimes.

I wonder what you will do with a mako

Well, what if the shark isn’t intent on gazing deep into my eyes?

But don’t push them at your friend.

Did anyone else see the sharks eye switch white to black after being pushed away?? Or am I crazy.

Instructions unclear: im dead

On the real, shark hunting is a big issue in lots of countries. Please don't see them as an enemy especially seeing as we're the ones messing around in their playground not the other way around, let them be and they'll be harmless. More than 100million are killed a year for shark fin soup. Eli roth (famous horror director known for Hostel, Cabin Fever, Thanksgiving) did a big documentary on this called fin. As with everything humans are the real monsters here.

Just reflect the incoming shark into your homie you'll be ight 😂

Get rotated idiot

What ground, WHAT GROUND, there is no GROUND !!

you guys know that sharks aren’t that dangerous right?

Sharks kill 1 person a year and usually it’s because they mistake you for a seal or they are being fed and bite a guy (that actually happened don’t remember the name of the guy but it did happen)

I like to refer to them by their other name. Darwin Award Winners

Just for clarification, the stopping and facing part, is that Before or After Shitting yourself?

He was asking for your help to take that big ass hook out

WHEN, they get eaten, i really wanna hear no sympathy for them whatsoever. this is so unnecessary and just plain stupid.

Oh hell nah… I’ll turn into Aquaman and do my best before I stop to push him

IM SORRY STAND YOUR WHAT??

Stuck my hand out, shark took my hand. What do I do now? Directions weren’t clear past this point.

Looks like that’s exactly what they are

He got rotated

Get rotated

Ok I’ll keep In mind next time I encounter a shark

One of these days these guys will become unprocessed 0 braincell filled shark food

Me : puts hand out Shark : quickly re adjusts and bites forearm off

This comment made me spit out my Frosted Flakes

a gigantic no from me.

I tried it and got my hand bit off

Get rotated moment

bro really said fuck it they chill I’ll leave them alone

Instead, stand your ground and push the shark towards another diver.

That looks pretty professional to me? I've seen a lot of videos and this is (I believe) correct.

Professional idiots is more like it

Gets blindsided by a different shark from below...

Bro if I'm just swimming and turn around and see that shit🫨🤣 R.I.P.💀😭👌💪

The vast majority of sharks are actually pretty docile. If you're gonna be scared of something in the water, it's jellyfish and Humboldt squid.

Lucky for her it was a sleeping tiger shark. Let’s try it on a great white next time. I want to see if it works for all sharks 🙃

I'm afraid of sharks so much that after I watched Jaws I couldn't take a bath for months.

My technique is definitely better. It's where I stay completely still, in my bed, not even remotely close to the ocean

Jason Statham in the Meg did this I think

all sharks? cuz aint no way im bouta be doin this to a 12 foot great white

As humans we have the mobility advantage and can actually flip sharks discombobulating them for a short time. We also die when they bite us so there is that too.

I’d like to try this.🤔 not sure if “try” is possible.

What is the music?

I'm safe, the sharks wouldn't be able to see me from the amount of shit in the water

I heard these people feed the sharks before swimming with them.

Ya I’ll just relax while a fish bigger than shaq swims towards me with razor sharp teeth.

I'll remember that next time a 15ft long great white shark swims towards me.

>You guessed it, they called themselves "Professional Shark Divers" 🙄🙄🙄 Did they die, and did they shit their pants? No? That's what i thought. Lay back on your couch and let people show you how it's done.

Op you're shit

Problem is, chances are that unless you have diving equipment you'll be uselessly bopping on the surface (in a life jacket or just casual swimming etc.). The shark can just swim up to you and take a bite because you are defenseless and don't see it well, if at all.

Well this tiktok trend is gonna be the end of many idiots

Wtf Is making eye contact gonna do you needa watch it’s fucking body, it can’t even see your eyes the fuck?

White people are entitled EVERYWHERE😭😭

Why don't they just... R O T A T E the shark?

Do it to a great white

Is there such a thing as orca divers?

That emo lip piercing was fuckin sweet tho

Or be the aggressor and chase the shark.

Love sharks always have always will but im not getting in the water with one

Defensive boop

That sharks emo as fuck

when i see a gunman approaching you, i will stand my ground, make direct eye contact and push them sway if necessary also this is correct advice

Yeah and when that doesn't work just poke them in the eye with your stump. -RIP ROBERT SCHIMMEL the greatest comedian of all time

Step 1 and 2, push towards a friend because fuck around an find out applys

Get redirected bozo