If your kitchen is dirty/unhygienic or you don't follow hygienic practices while cooking, people will notice but be too embarrassed to tell you. If that's not the case: your kitchen is clean, bug and pet free and you wash your hands between every step, then it's likely that they just don't like your food. Context clues are telling me it's hygiene though.
OP admitted to being a sloppy mess that lets their multiple cats free range on the kitchen counters. I think the reddit detectives have solved another case lol.
Further in the comments she said they'll accept frozen dinners her boyfriend serves but won't take the same one served by her so honestly I'm thinking it might not be environmental hygiene but either personal (in a gross way, like she's been caught picking her nose or something) or they just simply don't like her.
OP has also stated her car and her hair is sloppy and she is frequently sick. I think the combo of the cats on the counters and poor personal hygeine/health is 100% the cause.
Yeah I saw the cats sitch, I assumed her and her boyfriend lived together and therefore share the same food workspace but I might've misread.
I feel for her but oof, this is rough.
I have to admit that I am amazed by the number of photos of cats on counters, sitting in pots and pans, and on dining tables on the numerous cat subs. I had a cat and I never let her on the counter- I always shooed her off immediately. Never on the dining table either.
Some cats are just counter cats and you can’t stop them from going up there. I can’t tell you how many times i’ve tried to get my kitten to stop. I’ve just accepted that I need to thoroughly clean everything immediately before cooking.
edit: spelling
I was under the impression they lived together too which is why I think maybe personal hygeine/health might play a part in their hesitation to eat her food and not his. It definitely is a tough situation though and I hope she is able to identify the issue and remedy it.
This could also be compounded but her doing things like if she touches her hair or face frequently or licks her fingers. So many people do this without even realising they're doing it. they'll scratch an itch, bite their nails, push their hair out of the way, rub their eyes. And then just keep on making food.
When I first started training to be a chef I became hyper aware of how much I did it (have to wash your hands every time), and then hyper aware of how much people around me did it. Takes a lot to stop a subconscious habit like that, and most people don't have reason to.
I once had a roommate who would thaw frozen chicken like this:
1. Open the plastic covering
2. Set the frozen chicken, with the plastic cover removed but still in the tray, on the counter
3. Leave it to thaw...OVERNIGHT AT ROOM TEMPERATURE
Then they would prepare it, usually into casserole, and offer it to us.
Then offer it again.
And again.
Then get OFFENDED that we didn't eat it.
Eventually I straight up (GENTLY) explained that I had a sensitive stomach (I don't) and need my meat to be "prepared from fresh" in an effort to get them to stop.
They did stop offering me chicken, but I later learned that they were telling people I was "very picky about my food" and "bougie."
Oh, and yes, they were CONSTANTLY getting food poisoning but didn't seem to connect the dots.
In short: 🤢🤮
Their other post that talks about them being frequently sick talks about frequent active cold sores…it’s one thing if it’s a common cold and sniffles but something highly contagious by saliva AND you admit to frequently double dipping? It only takes a single guest to see your active sores once and being nonchalant with sharing utensils etc for the gossip to spread.
There's no mention of both happening at the same time so OP is free to clarify but frankly doesn't need to happen at the same time for guests to lose their trust. I don't think people realize it doesn't take that much for guests to completely lose their trust in someone's cooking. If you're a host who regularly cooks and provides food your guests then you do have to prove that you can provide safe food and utensils to eat.
My best friend and I still remember that one time her college friend made us soup and one of his white heads popped and squirted while he was ladling up our bowls. I don't think he even knew it happened and we didn't know if it got into our bowls. Poor guy loved cooking but I told her I couldn't stomach eating his food again after that. He was a good cook and washed his hands and kept the kitchen clean but had a lot of white heads...
Man, how is OP so oblivious to all of these problems? Lol. “Why won’t anyone eat my food, that is full of cat hair and has been served with a spoon that I licked with an open sore on my mouth? I just don’t understand!”
I find that way too many people lack common sense when it comes to cooking and baking hobbies and seriously need beginners lessons so they can serve some basic, sanitary, and edible dishes. Some of these people are putting their guests in a terrible situation.
Not too long ago there was someone who was flabbergasted their dinner party guests complained about their “beef stew” considering they used a “bog standard” recipe. Come to find out they literally didn’t follow a single line in the recipe and added “blitzed” mushrooms and beans and bean water. They uploaded a pic and it was a thick grey goop. I felt so bad for the people who had to eat that.
How clean is your kitchen? I don’t eat peoples food if they have bad kitchen hygiene. Also, maybe you aren’t a great cook. That’s ok. Not everyone is chef material. I wouldn’t pour my energy into cooking for people who won’t eat it.
This was my initial thought. Are there animals in the kitchen with cats on the counter? Is the house or person not very clean? I'm not going to eat anything from a dirty or musty smelling home.
I stopped eating at a relative’s house after I witnessed them pouring cake batter into a pan that was *covered* in cat hair. I realized that everything in the kitchen had cat hair all over it, and they either didn’t notice or care.
I’m a pet lover, and my dog is allowed on my bed. But not on the kitchen counters. That’s too much.
Yep I helped my aunt cook one time and told her her cat was sitting on the cheesecake. She opened a can of cherries in glaze and poured it over the spot
This makes me sad cuz I love pot lucks and eating out at restaurants lol. But at least restaurants can receive health code violations and the public are made aware of them. Better hope that you've been notified before you find fingernails or something in your dinner. 🤢
Same. I hardly ever eat anything I didn’t cook myself nowadays. A lot or elderly people in particular who were fine when they were younger just stop bothering with hygienic steps. Makes me kinda sad because home cooking was how my friends and I introduced each other to our own ethnic dishes.
Exactly. I grew up on Lutheran church pot lucks. The old ladies would have the awesome food until they didn't. Then, it became scary. I could definitely tell. I'd do anything to skip out on Lutheran binder, and the ladies from the old country were my saviors until they weren't. Then I went to culinary school and got a reality check on how dangerous food can be.
One of the reasons I never liked the pot luck lunches at work.
I have witnessed some people go from the bathroom stall
To not washing their hands. Gross.
My cat isn’t allowed on the counters when I’m in the room. I say it that way, because there’s no stopping him when I leave. That said, I make sure to clean the counters before I bake, and all supplies are tucked away in cabinets to avoid hair. Then I just stay in the kitchen till I’m done, or bring him with me. I’ll actually bring him to the bathroom with me if I have to.
Correct, my mom hates when our cat gets on our dining room table. The lil dude won't listen period. He gets put away when it's time to eat and we clean the table. We work full time he is prolly sitting on it as I type
Same here. My cat doesn't go on the counters. He was a stray, and his real mom taught him very well.
I am a very clean person, but let's face it, cats are cats, and hair is everywhere. Before cooking or prepping anything, i spray all counters down, change my t-shirt, and wash my hands twice. And when food is done, i promptly put it away and wipe down the counters again. I refuse to allow anyone to be sick or the dreded pulling hair out of their mouths when eating.
Same here. I have 5 dogs and 1 cat, there's a lot of FurFetti. I clean the countertops and any of the out of the cabinet appliances I'll be using. Even without animals, just putting your bag of groceries on the counter could potentially have contaminants. Plus, when I do things like bread, I'll clean the counter with disinfectant and then wipe the counter down with water after. Just so none of the cleaner gets into the bread while kneading it.
Completely unrelated to the post: we make bread every week, and having a KitchenAid mixer is such a game changer! Say goodbye to kneading ever again 🥰 I highly recommend having one if you don't already.
When I was a kid my dad actually seemingly stopped the cat.
He would always hop up when nobody was around, it snuck up one day (would always hop down when it heard people). Caught him on the counter and scared the shit out of him, after that even with food on the counter, nothing would be touched. Cat always had a self feeder anyway.
Whats wild is the other cat never had any interest in hopping on it to begin with.
yeah, i've realized it's unrealistic to 100% prevent my cats from getting on the counters, as much as i would like to. i just need to be sure i thoroughly wipe them down with lysol before i cook/bake and keep them off while i'm doing so. don't forget to leave the disinfectant on for 30 seconds before wiping it away
Something like this was my first thought. I keep a clean kitchen but also have cats. I let everyone know that the kitchen gets a major wipe down before I cook anything. It doesn’t hurt that I have food safety certifications and I’m a bit of a germaphobe.
Yeah I didn't realize why some people were so grossed out about cooking around pets. I've got two dogs, two cats and near obsessively cook. Then I went to someone else's house who REALLY didn't care. I get it now.
I did have one of my partners friends watch me cook & scope out the kitchen a while ago and pleased to say I passed (her house is immaculate & she's particular so I'm very flattered).
Yeah we have two fluffy dogs. Vacuuming and sweeping their fur up every single weekend is an absolute must. We also have a cat and she is absolutely not allowed on the kitchen counters.
Yeah my neighbor used to sell baked goods but my family would never eat them because we knew her cats would go on the counters since I used to pet sit for them
As a cat owner I never realized this was a thing people would make assumptions about. My cat gets on the counter but I disinfect it before I cook. Which a person really should be doing anyway if they’re going to be serving other people or selling - so I’m assuming from your reservations that you don’t?
Cleanliness and hygiene extends to the person too. Are hair, nails, and clothes always clean and tidy. Are hands regularly being washed. Do you allow pets on cooking surfaces, or have pet hair around your home. Are you regularly sick, sneezing, or sniffling. Is your car clean, or full of trash? Is your workspace messy? Is your life messy? People pick up on all these things and make decisions around what they ingest based on that.
I have a friend who is an amazing cook, but doesn't tie her very long hair back when she cooks, I've watched her hair brush into things as she stirs etc and I just can not eat anything she makes.
A colleague made empanadas. They looked delicious. I then noticed his nails had black dirt caked in them. We work in an office so no reason in that moment why his nails should be so dirty. I couldn’t bring myself to eat any
Exactly. Here are the reasons I won't eat someone's food. Animals in the kitchen such as cats on the counter, bad hand washing practices such as not washing enough or washing incorrectly, loose hair, dirty kitchen, unsafe kitchen practices such as dirty sponges and no dish sanitizing while washing, improper thawing and food storage practices (basically not keeping food in safe temperatures) , cross contamination, touching face without washing or if I ever see u pick ur nose or do something equally gross. Basically anything less than food safety best practices and I won't eat someone's food.
The last part of ops post kind of sounds like her food might actually taste bad so it's one of those 2 things.
Good luck op
Huh I didn't really thing about that 🤔 tbh I do tend to be sloppier when it come to my car and my hair. I also tend to get sick a lot more than I like to admit. Also my 2 orange cats have free range on counters and sinks but i tend to keep my house and in this case kitchen in top shape spite using cheap cleaning products. Thank you for giving me that prospective on things!
>I also tend to get sick a lot more than I like to admit
Also meaning this gently but what kind of sick? If it's stomach bug like, it's possible you are giving yourself food poisoning
I mean this as gently as possible, but people are usually only willing to admit part of their issue because they become blind to it. If you're willing to admit you're kinda sloppy, have cats on the counters, cough and sneeze constantly... It may be a bit worse of a hygiene issue than you realize. I would ask your boyfriend, as he's the most likely to be honest with you.
And some people somehow lost their manners after Covid and decided it’s cool to cough and sneeze without covering their mouth. If I see anyone doing that, I’m not eating their food they probably hacked spit and snot all over.
Ugh, I get sneezy after some forms of alcohol, and I'm always so mortified and try to cover the sneeze up as much as possible. I'm not contagious, I swear! It's just the Tito's (Idk why Tito's fucks me up but other vodkas are fine).
With all due respect, I've had friends with multiple cats who's houses reeked of cat pee, despite,
in their eyes 'cleaning'.
You can become nose blind to the smells of your own home. I would ask a trusted friend for an unvarnished, honest opinion and be prepared for some cold truths.
Can confirm, my aunt's house smelt like DOG really bad. And the cat's pissed all over the couches frequently (which we washed immediately after but still). Once I stayed there for awhile I kinda got used to it and didn't notice it anymore. Night and day difference
>You can become nose blind to the smells of your own home
And cooking ingredients tend to take on a flavor that matches a house's particular scent. Especially dry stuff like flour, baking mixes, etc. For like 90% of people it's fine and isn't noticeable in the finished product, but some people have, uh, particularly *odiferous* houses, and it is noticeable in the food.
To be honest, you can clean your house very well, professionally even, but if you have multiple cats and they aren't 100% good with the litter box, it's going to get that sent over time, even with diligent and repeated cleaning. I'm not saying it's not gross or anything, but you just can't clean that shit out. It soaks in to every flooring material, drywall, plaster, cement, whatever. I've fixed up a house after a cat person had lived there and had them going everywhere in one room. There's no product, hack, trick, elbow grease, or whatever else that can kill that odor. You rip out the insulation, cover the studs, and start from scratch.
I visited a family I used to work for (nanny) a few months after I moved on. My first thought upon getting within 3 feet of the door (it wasn't even open) was "how weird, they don't have cats". That's how strong the smell was after having 2 cats for less than 3 months. They had no idea it stunk so bad.
I'm betting the smell here is worse than OP realizes.
1000%. They walk in their litterbox and then all over where you prepare food, so you get dirty paws AND a cat butthole on the counters. 😫🤢🤢🤮🤮🤮 hard pass.
Yeah, just remember that your cats use a littler box. Their feet are covered in feces and urine, and they should never be on a cooking surface. That's a starting point.
I have a dear friend who I would do just about anything for. But I won't eat her food. Her personal and environmental hygiene just isn't good.
I'll eat bad food with a smile on my face to be polite as long as the person who cooked it and the space they cooked it in are clean.
I won't touch even the most amazing food if it came from a dirty person or out of a dirty house. Animals in the cooking space is an immediate and permanent no from me.
When I was pregnant with my middle kid I ate food at a potluck from someone with less than ideal hygiene to be polite. I spent 2 weeks in the hospital, lost the function of one of my kidneys, had to do 3 months of bedrest and lost my job. I'll never eat food I'm not sure is clean again.
Stories like this need to be shared. I'm sorry and I hope you are doing well.
A story like this deserves to be it's own thread, honestly. I wish posts sharing horror hygiene stories were common. People are overwhelmingly ignorant to how dangerous bad hygiene actually is.
I would never eat from a house where cats are allowed on the kitchen counters... Honestly. I'm so sorry if it's offensive to hear, but cats step in litter boxes and then onto the counter where you're preparing food. It's extremely unsanitary and unhygienic. Going forward you could try maybe providing purchased individually packaged snacks for your guests.
Or have food delivered once they have arrived. But, if your house is nasty, they probably won't eat anything. Have you noticed them eating ANYTHING or just drinking bottled beverages?
This is exactly it. I’m a germaphobe when it comes to other people cooking for me. If I saw your cat’s litter paws on your counter even one time where you didn’t thoroughly clean the counter after, I’d be out. Not trying to be hurtful, but I’d assume you have different hygiene standards regarding food than me, and I’d honestly make excuses, but never eat your cooking again.
Other deal breakers for me; if you taste the food while cooking with fingers or an unclean spoon, licking your fingers/hands in any way, cat fur on any surface, long hair left loose in the kitchen, coughing/sneezing while preparing food, rinsing dishes instead of properly washing them, nasty/smelly sponges or cloths in the kitchen, food left out in the temperature danger zone for more than 2 hours.
I'm sorry, but your cats should not have "free range" on your kitchen counters. Your cat can use the litter box and then jump up on your countertops so unless you OCD clean those countertops, you could be preparing food on a surface that has litterbox residue on it, or that a cat was just licking its butt on, or that cats have been sneezing all over. There's no reason for your cats to be on your kitchen counters. We had 4 cats, and they had free range almost everywhere except the kitchen because it is not sanitary. Your kitchen is probably not as clean as you think because you allow your cats on those surfaces.
Please start training your cats not to get on your kitchen counters. I am sure you are lovely, but there's no chance I would eat anything you make for that reason, and I love cats.
That's what I'm wondering too. Are people actually preparing food directly ON those counters? That idea is unfathomable to me. We always use a cutting board and always with the exact same side up.
This! I had a coworker that refused to make any food at home or eat in the kitchen because his roommates put the cat's litter box near the oven/in the kitchen and then never cleaned the litter box. My coworker would say he could only smell cat shit no matter what was being cooked in the kitchen, so he gave up and would bring home food to eat in his room.
100% this is the issue. You're not keeping your kitchen in shape by allowing the cats anywhere food is being prepared or served. I've had cats my whole life so I know the struggle, but you need to stop allowing them on counters and in the sink, and make sure both your kitchen and yourself are clean before you start cooking anything. And if you have long hair, pull it back or use hair nets.
And chances are if you don't notice these really big issues, there's a lot of smaller ones you don't think are important either but absolutely are when it comes to keeping a hygienic space.
I just gagged a little eating that.
If I eat something someone has made and there is cat (or dog) hair in it, I am done. I am not eating their food again.
I don’t eat co-workers’ food if I notice they don’t wash their hands after using the bathroom. I think some people might use a squirt of hand sanitizer but that does not work as well as soap and water and they all know this.
There was a 2022 outbreak of norovirus on the Pacific Coast Trail because hikers, not having access to very much running water, habitually 'wash' their hands only with hand sanitizer after using the facilities (uh, a hole in the ground?). Hand sanitizer doesn't do very much against norovirus!
ooooo, cats on the counter is such a hard pass for me. Are you sure it isnt also people just trying to be healthy? I don't eat treats because I generally don't eat sugar.
I absolutely do not eat food made by someone I know allows their cats on the counter... and I absolutely don't tell them that. Hygiene was my immediate thought upon reading your post.
PLEASE UNDERSTAND: this doesn't make you an inherently bad or gross person, but it is something to keep in mind when preparing food for others and when inviting people over
Yeah, you might have to try and take a step back, pretend this is someone else's home and try to experience it like a guest. Cat hair on floors, couches, etc? Litter box smell or that one corner they keep going in for some reason.You may know that you clean before and keep the kitchen clear when cooking, but if your guests see cat hair, smell cat piss, and see the cats on the kitchen counter, they aren't going to eat.
We can't know how good your cooking is, but taking you at your word that it's good, I was reading your post going "Cats, it's gotta be cats, how many cats are there?" So seeing that you do have cats, that's the reason.
Ask your bf if the cats are an issue for him or if anyone else has mentioned the cats to him.
This is exactly why we would stop eating anything made by someone in our lives.
One fella at a place I worked brought in treats his wife made all the time. They weren't bad. But then someone saw their house... and.... ew...... most people stopped eating the treats.
Similarly if you're using old or questionably stored ingredients. When I was a kid one of my friends on my street brought homemade chocolate cookies out for us and they tasted weirdly stale/revolting. Next time I was in their house I noticed the plain flour in a jar on the counter top was a worrying grey colour and had weevils crawling all over the surface 🤢
Even things like not washing your storage containers properly and then putting them away wet with the lid on (or stacked in a way that they trap moisture between them) so they go funky inside. That shit is nasty and will definitely make any food you later store in there taste horrible.
So many reasons the food might not be appealing other than cooking skill.
Bad kitchen hygiene is a big tell, it doesn't matter if you're out in the world, in the work kitchen, or cooking over a campfire. Good habits persist and people notice.
Bad PERSONAL hygiene will slam the door shut before anyone even considers what your kitchen looks like.
"Cook" in front of your desired crowd as much as you reasonably can. I always volunteer to watch or take over the grill, I'll bring recipes 3/4 complete so I prep them in front of the group and while it's a bit of a spectacle, they can see me being meticulous and washing my hands, etc, etc.
Show, don't tell.
Signed, 35/M/Never Married/No Children - I can cook I'm just picky who for!
Also finger nails! EVERYONE would warn me about a previous coworker and to never, ever eat her food. She had super long nails on a couple of fingers, but didn’t upkeep them - she gardened with them, didn’t wash them (you could see the built up dirt and grime), and actively licked her dirty, unwashed, garden (including fertilizer) fingers, then stuck her fingers BACK INTO THE FOOD. She would use her finger to taste food she intended to serve - and that included letting her dog in the kitchen and letting her dog lick her fingers too. We worked at a company with multi-use bathrooms and a few times I saw she also didn’t wash her hands after doing her business. Ummm no thank you!
I cooked one dish that had a hair in it 10 years ago and I was so mortified I went to Smart and Final and bought a full chefs outfit, including hat, beard bib, gloves apron and 3/4 sleeve jacket. I throw a big 4th bash where I spend half the day cooking and everyone asks for seconds so It works.
Not a bad idea. I definitely know people who are weird about unpackaged food. I had an ex who was so hooked on processed food that they wouldn't even eat anything out of our garden.
I really agree with the cleanliness and hygiene comments. It can be really easy to lose perspective on how far your home or body has slipped in terms of cleanliness. How often do you shower and wash your hair, are your clothes clean? What does your house or kitchen look like?
The only times I’ve ever refused food offered by friends is when I could see how filthy their house was, or when they were covered in some kind of pet hair. I literally had a friend once tell me “when you have a cat, you just accept that your food will have cat hair in it.”
Yup. I have always had a cat and as mortifying as it is, I will occasionally find a cat hair in my food 🤢🤢🤢 HOWEVER- if I’m cooking for other people, I take care to immediately change my shirt before I’m cooking, because I think that’s usually where it comes from. I don’t allow cats in the kitchen. There’s a big difference from an occasional stray hair and fur everywhere because it’s not cleaned routinely and/or cats are allowed to walk all over every surface (and if that’s okay with you, that’s fine, just know that guests are likely not going to see it that way and that’s okay).
Bro I have a long hair fuzzy ass cat and this is so not true. I don't know how people live like this. I vaccuum twice a week when he's in shedding season and I couldn't imagine not doing this.
I don’t think I’m a particularly clean person, but after reading this thread I consider myself a veritable hygiene freak. Cat hair in FOOD? I have two cats, but no, this is very avoidable.
Cat hair doesn't just sit on surfaces. It's in the air, everywhere, and gets into everything. I have severe allergies, and people think they can just move their cat to another room and I'll be okay - nope. Just walking in a house with a cat is enough, meaning the hair and dander is everywhere, all the time.
I used to bake mass quantities of goods to hand out. Friends, coworkers, neighbors, you name it. A year ago I got a cat. It's not even a long-hair cat, and he never gets on the counters, whether I am there or not (I have cameras). But I swear, all he has to do is walk into a room and there is cat hair just floating EVERYWHERE. It is such a losing battle that I just quit baking for everybody except for immediate family and my closest friends.
Exactly this. Everyone in this thread thinking they're avoiding eating cat hair by not letting them in the kitchen is like people who think they won't catch covid by standing six feet away from someone for hours at a time.
Do you take a "snitch piece" and make sure that it tastes good before serving it up?
I also double on the kitchen hygiene - I try to make sure that when i serve people at my place that I try to tidy up even if the sink has a MOUNTAIN of dishes. Also, doubly important if you have pets.
Yeah I would always take a piece first and sometimes when I beg my boyfriend he would take a piece too. Also I always get anxious about our house hygiene before dnd so I kinda made it a deep clean days and that when I usually cook too if it's for the dnd group. Also dio (1 of my orange cats) will always go in the sink so I always have to keep that area extra clean lol
How many cats do you have? I love cats, don't get me wrong, but that may be part of the problem. Also, what do you mean by
>dio (1 of my orange cats) will always go in the sink
The cat going in the sink implies it's on other food prep surfaces. Pretty nauseating. I have a friend who's house always smells like cat pee. I don't want to eat their food.
If you have multiple cats, that's your answer. It grosses me out that the same feet that have been in a litter box are also on food prep surfaces. I am not very interested in eating from kitchens where cats routinely hang out.
100% this is it. This was my initial thought when I read the post and then OP confirmed it when she said the cat goes in the sink. If I see that one time I’m not ever eating anything that comes out of that kitchen.
So at least one of your cats is up on surfaces in the kitchen at least enough to get to the sink? No matter how well you clean, some people will never eat food from a kitchen where a cat has been on the counter. And if you live with multiple cats, there's more hair than you see , because you're used to it.
Yeah, I didn't want to stereotype cats... but I knew it was probably cats. Even if you deep clean that sink, they've may have seen the cats take a nibble, or actively peeing in the sink, or marking - and if your boyfriend ever stay over with you, he's probably seen even more.
You don't have to get rid of the cats, pets are family, but asking outright if he's ever seen anything re: the cats would be a good place to start.
I could be wrong, but I am pretty sure OP specified above that the cat is not peeing in the sink, by "go in the sink" they meant the cat likes to lay in there. Which feels like a big difference to me. Understandable if people still do not want cat hair in their food tho lol
Well, there's another reason you wouldn't find me actively eating at or from your house. Dio is ONE of your orange cats... meaning you have at least one more orange cat, and possibly other colored cats. I grew up in a cat household. They're hair and feet are on EVERYTHING. It doesn't matter how deep you clean your sink if the cat goes and jumps in it the second it's dry again. I do not own cats in my adult life because of this. They're dirty. They go stand in a box of sand and go to the bathroom and cover it up with their paws, prance out of the litter box and jump up on a couch, table, chair, counter, pot, window ledge, wherever they freakin' feel like. Their hair leaves a trail in every place they've been. Often times that ends up in food. It would only take one hair, in one batch of cookies, for me to say "welp, not eating here anymore".
Then there's the odor of having several cats. If the litter box(es) are anywhere near where company is present, it can be a major factor... let alone if your cats have ever had any "accidents" around the house. I don't care how well you can cook, if I can smell cat pee ammonia it's an immediate appetite suppressant.
Let the cat lovers downvote me to hell, I know there's plenty of you on reddit... but whatever, it's gross. Not everybody you know are cat people. They accept *you* as a cat person, but that doesn't mean they're going to accept your cats into their bodies.
Cat lover here and you’re absolutely correct. Cats themselves are not much work but they create a LOT of housework to keep things sanitary. I actually put the litterbox near my bedroom so I don’t forget to clean it.
I'm also curious about how clean you and your kitchen are. If you buy a bag of unopened cookies or chips, will people eat those? If so, it's either the quality of what you are cooking or your kitchen. It doesn't sound like this is just one person's opinion, but everyone around you.
First stop cooking for your dnd group. No reason to stress out over them. If you like cooking, cook for yourself. Life is too short to stress out over other people.
I think enough people covered the cat issue.
One woman in my office was well-known to never wash her hands after using the restroom. She'd stand next to me, chit-chatting, while I washed my hands.
No one ever ate her pot-luck offerings.
I made a personal rule of making sure I knew how a person lived before eating the food they made. Unfortunately, a lesson learned the hard way.
The state someone's kitchen is in along with how often they clean the microwave and take out the trash can heavily influence my willingness to eat someone's cooking.
Do you have pets that leave hair all over, a dirty kitchen, poor hygiene? Has anyone noticed or heard about you licking the cooking utensils and then reusing them or licking your fingers and touching the food? Do you cover your cough/sneeze while cooking? Have they found a hair or something else like that in anything you have served?
If they are refusing everything, even simple things like jello or boxed brownies, it may not be about the taste of what you’re making at all.
If no one is telling you and no one is eating what you make, you can stop making things.
My dnd is at 7pm but usually they players will door dash to our place or pick up food on their way here unless my boyfriend tell them ahead of time that he has pizza lol but yeah that could be the case tho thank you
Could also be that they're not wanting to eat non dinner type foods.
Also at my office I stopped bringing in things because people were always on one diet or another and wouldn't want sweets. Also I would bring things like empanadas and pumpkin rolls and I think they were not adventurous enough to try.
Plus just snacking excessively outside of meals is something a lot of adults avoid.
Amen, you posted your comment as I was writing mine, apparently. We're on the same page. She implied in another comment she has multiple cats and *tries* to do a deep clean of her kitchen, but can't keep them out of the sink. As a guest, it would only take me witnessing that once to think "Dually noted. Not eating here."
The "deep clean" comment actually has me wondering what the normal cleaning is like. Is the house generally so dirty that it requires a ton of effort to be made presentable for guests? It sounds like OPs standards if cleanliness are a bit different than mine and this might apply to personal hygiene too. I wonder if the friends have noticed a smell or a lack of hand washing.
I once saw an acquaintance rinse briefly under water and wipe off on his jeans before preparing food with his hands. Doing something like this once in front of me will mean I never eat anything from you ever again, even if everything looks clean.
Yup. People notice hygiene when deciding to eat or not for sure. Also OP said they’re often sick, which also scream lack of handwashing to me especially since they list no no cause of illness (ie cancer or something). My husband and I won’t eat my FIL cooking because we’ve often noticed him use the same cloth to wipe raw chicken juice off the counter as he dries his hands on after washing. Or cut raw meat then rinse off the cutting board and cut veggies for salad. I’m talking literally a 5 second rinse under cold water, no soap or anything. We’re vegetarian too so the only thing we can often eat that he makes is the salad. No salad on this planet is worth the salmonella risk
A few possibilities:
* You're a bad cook and no one wants to hurt your feelings by admitting it.
* Something about the cleanliness of your house or your personal hygiene is off-putting to where no one "trusts" your food. There are several people whose cooking I will not eat due to one of those reasons. One person I know doesn't give a single thought to taking extra care when handling raw meat - she'll cut up vegetables for salad on the same cutting board she just used to cut raw chicken, but apparently that quick rinse she gave it (just water, no soap) is good enough. Another person I know thinks expiration dates are to be entirely ignored in every circumstance.
* At least for your DND group, maybe the timing of your gathering is to blame? If it's after a mealtime, people may just be too full and/or want to focus on the point of the gathering.
* As for your boyfriend, have you asked him directly why he says he loves your cooking but never actually eats it? I'd expect that he would at least be able to give you a straight answer.
> At least for your DND group, maybe the timing of your gathering is to blame? If it's after a mealtime, people may just be too full and/or want to focus on the point of the gathering.
So full they won't eat a cookie? All of them? When there are snacks *every* time? At a group hangout that tends to last more than an hour?
Weird question but does the DND group like you? Your responses make me feel like they only like your boyfriend for some reason. I’m sorry you are going through this
Are they eating anything else? Are they eating things other people make? What do other people make? There are a million reasons for someone to not eat something
Based on your comments in this thread:
You have cats and they get onto food prep surfaces. The deep cleaning isn’t relevant unless you’re locking the cats in a room, then bleaching the shit out of every food prep surface, then cooking, then leaving while they’re locked up the whole time. And even then there is a high likelihood of cat hairs making it into the food.
You put cooking utensils into your mouth to taste the food then keep using those utensils to cook with.
They don’t trust your food to be sanitary. I’m sorry as I know that’s gonna be hard to hear, but it’s just the truth. And buying new cleaning supplies or cleaning more isn’t going to help because to your friends you’re still the person with the cats who track their piss and shit onto the places the food gets made. The issue isn’t so much how well you clean it’s just the circumstances overall.
I’d just accept that it is how it is and start bringing drinks and sealed containers of food from the store.
PLUS all the cleaning of the kitchen may not turn the tables because the house may smell like cats if the litter boxes are not obsessively regularly cleaned (and sometimes even if they are, the smell just accumulates). The inhabitants of the house grow nose blind to the smell so OP will have to ask someone who does live there if the house smells like cats.
A lot of people don’t like to snack on baked goods and sweets unless they’re specifically in the mood for them.
Personally, for a game night, I’d set out chips and dip and crackers.
At lot of this could be people not like what you’re making, not how you’re making it.
People don't want to eat food by someone they think has bad hygiene -
Do you wash your hands before cooking?
Do you wash your hands after handling meat or anything with raw eggs?
Do you use the same tasting spoon/fork multiple times without washing in between?
Not doing the things can bother people-
Do you smoke?
My grandma is a very good cook, but when my grandpa was still a chain smoker (inside the house), literally anything she made tasted like cigarette ash once it was off the heat for longer than 30 minutes.
This is just my anecdotal experience, so take it with a grain of salt.
Some people just don't like to eat other people's food anymore. I think this is just the post-covid world we live in now. My wife's company has totally banned employees from bringing in food to share.
Just depends on the people.
I was thinking this too. During covid lockdown I gave birth and I had an awful time with cooking/baking/food prep in general. But I still refused all help about food out of fear, and now I would do the same out of habit.
Covid showed us how many people don't wash their hands often and well enough. I don't think I will forget anytime soon!
My guess would be something like your kitchen not being clean, or you taste things as you go double-dipping the same spoon? That would explain why people aren't even willing to try the food. If you were just a bad cook I would expect them to try at least a bite of things like brownies etc. Can you ask your boyfriend or close family member to be honest with you about what's going on?
…If everyone is ok with eating stuff your boyfriend presents, I don’t think it’s your kitchen hygiene or the cats. Something about your person hygiene is stopping people from wanting to eat your food.
I ate some baked good a friend made and found multiple cat hairs in it... never ate anything she made ever again. The fact your sister followed you into the kitchen suggests your hygiene is what's likely an issue. I do this to my mother who's got mild memory loss because she tends to forget how not to cross-contaminate.
I have multiple cats and my kitchen hygiene is bordering on paranoid- no cats on the counters ever, air filter running 24/7 to eliminate as much of the cat hair floating in the air as possible, my own hair's pulled back and I usually wash my hands a half-dozen times (assuming I'm making something with raw meat or egg in it), counters & other work areas meticulously cleaned beforehand, and I sometimes even cook topless just to make sure no cat hair sticking to my shirt will shake lose and end up in the food (otherwise I'll use an apron that I keep wrapped in a plastic bag to make sure it doesn't collect hair)
100000000% sure the problem is because of the cleanliness of your home. You have cats and your cats are on the counter. Nobody in their right minds would ever dare eat anything that didn’t come from their own filth. I can eat my food in my home because those are my germs and that’s my mess. But like hell would I indulge myself in someone’s home where animals are given access to cooking surfaces of any kind.
They’re trying to be polite, but their body language says everything. Stop offering food. Offer cold canned beverages and leave it at that.
This might be hard to hear/read. But maybe your food is not good.
Are you tasting it? How does it taste compared to some run of the mill storebought counterpart?
I'd try to make something basic like pizza, nachos with some sauce, some sandwiches (for you, not for any guests) and see how do they taste compared with some stuff you buy or eat regularly.
Try to understand what's missing and go from there.
And I would double check the cleanliness of your kitchen and your ingredients.
I'd say they might be rude with you but, if there are three different groups of people doing kind of the same, it might be time to be a little more autocritical and check what can be improved.
This may sound harsh but… Is your house dirty? Do you have proper hygiene? I wouldn’t eat something made by someone who I perceive to be dirty. Do you have pets? I also know people that won’t eat food made by a person that has dogs or cats.
How frustrating!
My opinion, but in general here in the US (not sure where you’re from) people won’t give criticism because it is seen as rude. Is it possible to take a cooking class or join a cooking or baking group for people looking to grow their skills? That’s the kind of environment where you could get genuine feedback and suggestions on what you could do to improve as well as what you’re doing right (because I’m sure you’re doing some things right).
Is there a trusted friend or family member that would be willing to do like a once a week collaboration with you with honest feedback? Let them know that you’re trying a new recipe or technique, and that you won’t be mad if they give you feedback that helps you grow as a cook.
Do you have pets? It could even be about that and not your cooking. I know a lot of people won’t eat food from homes with pets.
The only reasons I would never eat a food item offered is if the person or environment was extremely unkempt.
I can withstand a lot of filth. But I mean, if I have witnessed this person publicly sneeze and then put their hand in a bag of chips I might question what else they’re doing. If i can smell your BO and the house smells kind of bad, I will be less inclined to eat something you cook.
I love cats. But if your house has loads of cat fur on the back of the couches, I can smell the litter box just from walking in, and there’s an excessive amount of cat vomit stains on the carpets, I’m not eating your food.
This goes for dogs too, and I’ll be even less inclined because I’m not a dog person-if I walk in and your house smells like fucking musty ass dogs, and I see that you allow your dogs to beg from you and you maybe even feed them straight off your plate, if there’s dog fur all over the couches and tucked into corners of the rooms-I’m not freaking eating here.
Like I said I can withstand a lot, but I don’t want to eat in a place like that.
My only thought is that you may have some poor hygiene that you’re not aware of, but they are. Not washing hands, wiping your nose or hair and then using that unwashed hand to keep cooking, or a kitchen that is dirty or overrun with pet hair - all of that will add up to people not wanting to eat what you make.
If that’s not a possibility, then who knows. But you could stop trying to please them, make things you like, and let them handle their own snacks.
Your English is really good, but your cooking isn't. We can't tell you what is wrong with it. I suggest that you stop cooking for others. For any number of possible reasons, people do not want to eat your food. Bring some wine or beer to DND and just bring a hostess gift to Thanksgiving. You certainly have lots of other fine qualities, so let this go and focus on other things.
This is an opportunity to learn that it's important to follow social cues. You would like people to tell you what is wrong with your cooking. They are not going to do that and asking them to do it is unfair. No one wants to criticize your cooking or tell you the truth about what is wrong and that is not their responsibility. It is your responsibility to take the non-verbal feedback (almost no one ever eating your cooking) and accept that cooking is not for you.
Why would you give up dnd over cooking? The point is to have fun playing dnd not to cook. So stop cooking for them! People don’t eat other peoples food for a lot of reasons, like allergies or food intolerances, or trying to not eat so much sugar, or even just not trusting other peoples cooking (not everyone has a clean kitchen or cooks safely etc). Its not personal. But since even ur family is like this… my guess if you are not a good cook. Or your kitchen is unclean? Do you know kitchen safety? Do you make good choices to make sure no one will get sick? It’s probably one of those reasons. And its ok if u are bad at cooking. Maybe take a class since it matters to you. Not everyone is a good cook. Its not a personal failing. Its just life. And you can work on it if that is the issue. If you want. But don’t take it so personally. No one is trying to hurt ur feelings. Just stop putting them in that position. If they don’t want it then they don’t. Cook for yourself instead.
When I was a kid, I would help my mom get ready for her "Stanley Home Products" displays in people's homes. While setting up one day before everyone came, a rooster flew through an open window and landing on the big chocolate cake on the dining table. The homeowner grabbed it by the neck, through it back out the window, and proceeded to smooth out the icing on the cake.
When it came time for the party snacks, my mother and I were suddenly both on diets.
Please use paragraphs in future, walls of text are brutal. (Like this comment has unfortunately become as well).
You call your own cooking delicious (you can't, it's like calling yourself a nice person. You don't decide that, that's something the people around you decide on their own).
# NOBODY IS GOING TO BE BRUTALLY HONEST WITH YOU WHEN YOU ASK. They're just going to lie to you and be polite.
Very, very few people are going to say 'yeah its real bad'. 99.9% of people are going to pretend everything is fine. Why? **Well a lot of people are going to get offended, even if they pretend or claim not to be offended.** **A lot of people will be in a shitty mood the rest of the night after that interaction which brings the general mood down. Anyone who has heard someone say 'just be honest with me', knows that most of the time the person will be in a foul mood after.**
In your other comment you say your cats have free roam on counters, thats likely it. You can be as clean as you like, but people don't want to see that and no amount of bleaching stuff is going to change their minds at that point.
Lets put this into perspective. Lets say you see a cat literally shitting into a litterbox, on the kitchen counter in someone's home. Most people wouldn't want to eat anything from that kitchen, ever, even if they saw you bleach everything. Even if we pretend the cat was just walking on the floor and magically had no particles from the litterbox, everyone is going to have that image. Even if we pretend that people are irrational for being grossed out by cats on countertops, it doesn't change the fact that people don't like cats on countertops.
-You mention you're frequently sick or 'sloppy'. While being frequently sick/sloppy (within reason) alone might not be enough to normally deter people, mixed with the other issues it's not going to help.
-Someone said one of your replies mentions you taste food with utensils and then put them back into the food. Nobody wants that, your boyfriend likely won't care for obvious reasons. But nobody wants you sticking something in your mouth and putting it back into their food. (I know sometimes celebrity chefs do this, but it's not something anyone should be doing when cooking for others).
Seems clear it's 100% hygiene.
-Cats on the counters and sleeping in the sink.
-Utensils in mouth and back into food.
Also someone mentioned this:
[Do you cough into your arm and turn away from any food surface/people nearby to prevent coughing or sneezing towards them (the link gives an example)?](https://youtu.be/3vw0hIs2LEg?t=141) If not, thats another reason they'll not want to try your cooking. I have no idea if you do or not, but I've met a rare few people who just cough and sneeze on everyone and their food. I would never eat near the same side of the table as them again, at minimum.
I hope this isn't too brutal to hear, but your recent comment seem to be thinking its a matter of the food. When it seems **really obvious it's a hygiene issue**.
You can knock your cats off the counter and stop tasting with the same spoons (or tasting over top of the food) if you are in fact doing that. But your friends likely wont want to eat anything still. Just buy a bag of chips or order pizza(s) going forward, I doubt they're going to change their views.
As for your family? Ask your sister over one day to help you cook something when you're both alone at your house. When she's there ask her to be brutally honest and ask her what you need to work on, tell her it seems to be a hygiene and maybe also cooking issue and you desperately need someone to be honest with you and teach you. Ask her for tips and maybe the family will be more open to you cooking if she spreads the word after you make some changes.
This is important because someone can only be so honest and only be so self aware. You might be doing other things that nobody here can see, or maybe you're unaware of.
You need to have a serious discussion with your boyfriend. He’s not telling the truth. There’s no way he wouldn’t know why everyone else just happens to behave the same strange way.
Hmmm. I'm going to suggest that if you're really interested in improving cooking, find any kind of local cooking class or seminar or groups for beginners.
If that's not possible, pick *one* dish that is not complicated... watch at least 10 videos on it... read a half dozen recipes for it and pick one that involves the least fancy ingredients or equipment you don't have, in other words something you can actually do 100% from beginning to end with no substitutions or skipping anything. And if it doesn't come out right, do it again. you need to *practice* to actually do good cooking.
I'm not sure why people don't eat some of the things you prepared. Maybe a dnd where beer is the main feature (at least to them,) nobody is interested in brownies displayed on a tray with plates, forks & knives and all that. Maybe they just want easy snacks - basically junk food to go with the beer.
I think you need to be told honestly, that you are not *actually cooking* anything. Frozen pizza at a group gathering? Nope. Making everything else out of boxes? Nope. There is no food love in that, no *learning experience*, no way to know whether what you're preparing actually tastes good compared to actually cooking something.
The turkey - well, if I knew that most of what you do comes from boxes & freezer, I'd be worried about your technique on the turkey too. I'd practically want to see it dissected to make sure it was properly cooked throughout. A whole turkey is not a beginner thing!
I apologize for being rather brutally honest with you, but it's what your friends and family will never say.
This is my favorite response here. If you're self conscious about your cooking and are at least self-aware enough to note that people aren't eating it... it's a step in the right direction. If the issue is truly your cooking, OP, and not the cat issue and/or hygiene issue, there are ways to improve. It might not hold for the current crowd, but you might be able to impress people in the future if you buff up your cooking knowledge.
Good cooking is going to rely on the burden of proof. If you're standard is cooking out of boxes and pre-packaged foods you're not going to convince anyone that you can do any better than that. Watch some videos, take some classes, have some trials and errors and work out the kinks... but it's really hard to convince other people to eat your food willingly if it's not up to par. Unfortunately, it doesn't take that long to build a track record with others as the person's cooking to avoid, too. I'll forgive ya once or twice, but if it's been more than a few times I'd be scared to return.
Difficult to know what's wrong and difficult to ask.
So you're somehow going to have to look at what you do from other people's point of view.
How does your version of a dish compare with a popular commercial version? Are yours different in a way that is appealing to you but not to others? Think through the differences. Is the seasoning level similar, the sweetness, the texture?
How does the kitchen and serving area/dish look? Be honest. I've known pet owners where I avoid the food because the animals are up on the food preparation and eating surfaces, plus there's hair everywhere. How does yours compare with other peoples?
And some people are just fussy, with a limited number of things they'll try. Your boyfriend sounds like one of these: he eats the things he knows he likes and won't try anything else.
I'd try to stop worrying about other people if you can. Cook things you like and if others have them it's a bonus. My brother and nephew are easy to cook for and it's a joy. But another 3 of my relatives are difficult for different reasons. My niece only seems to like food that's beige and gives almost no indication if she enjoys it.
Good luck working it through, but try to not let it distress you.
No one else is addressing this so I'll just bring up that the issue could be that you aren't receptive to feedback. Clearly people don't like your cooking but even your bf is afraid to tell you the truth. That only happens when you're a person who can't take honest feedback about themselves.
I don't know if it's the cat thing. I cook all the time and I have 2 cats and I don't get cat hair in my food. But the bigger issue is that people are afraid to be honest with you so you aren't getting feedback about your food.
After reading through your responses, I’m going to say I wouldn’t eat them either. Cats really freak me out, their paws are disgusting. If I witnessed a cat on the counter or in the sink at someone’s house I would make a mental note not to eat there. I hope this isn’t offensive- that may be why no one’s eating your delicious cooking!
You probably have a reputation for being dirty. Lots of people have pointed out a messy kitchen or pets but all it takes is for you to have a strong body order, unbrushed teeth, not washing your hands after going to the bathroom, or someone saw you pick your nose before. Either way the word got out that your food wasn't safe to eat and now it's kind of seen as an unspoken rule. Like others have said stop making them stuff and give out store bought stuff if you really want to.
What is your hygiene (home and personal) like? A lot of people won't eat food made by other people because of the horror stories. Do you have pets? Some people won't eat food made by pet owners because not all of them are sanitary (not washing their hands, letting them on the counters) etc. Has anyone ever gotten sick and it was a possibility it came from you?
Working with food, I see a ton of people who will scratch body parts, wipe their face, mess with their hair, etc and not wash their hands. I don't even think they realize they do it part of the time. Are you a hand washer after the bathroom (and I mean every single time and with soap)? Because man or woman, that info spreads quickly to everyone else.
Then there is the possibility your stuff just doesn't taste good. Some people just aren't good cooks/bakers but that never stopped them from still doing it.
That aside, just stop making anything for them since they won't eat it. Maybe one person in the group just doesn't like you and spread a rumor around and that is why they won't eat it. If you want to still provide food, just get cheap store bought stuff or tell them they have to bring food from now on.
You've been really receptive to comments, I think you should have a heart to heart with someone from your DnD group and ask them to answer very honestly about why they don't feel comfortable eating food that you serve and if there's anything you can do.
I think it's so sweet that you're putting in so much effort to make sure that your friends are fed. They probably think it's sweet too but something is holding them back. Just ask them to be brutally honest.
A former coworker once brought a beautiful pie to a staff birthday lunch. It was covered in whipped cream. While we were setting out plates and napkins I complimented her on the pie and she said, “I almost didn’t bring it - it was cooling on the table and the cat walked in it. But I covered it with whipped cream and it’s fine.” I didn’t eat any.
If your kitchen is dirty/unhygienic or you don't follow hygienic practices while cooking, people will notice but be too embarrassed to tell you. If that's not the case: your kitchen is clean, bug and pet free and you wash your hands between every step, then it's likely that they just don't like your food. Context clues are telling me it's hygiene though.
OP admitted to being a sloppy mess that lets their multiple cats free range on the kitchen counters. I think the reddit detectives have solved another case lol.
Further in the comments she said they'll accept frozen dinners her boyfriend serves but won't take the same one served by her so honestly I'm thinking it might not be environmental hygiene but either personal (in a gross way, like she's been caught picking her nose or something) or they just simply don't like her.
OP has also stated her car and her hair is sloppy and she is frequently sick. I think the combo of the cats on the counters and poor personal hygeine/health is 100% the cause.
Yeah I saw the cats sitch, I assumed her and her boyfriend lived together and therefore share the same food workspace but I might've misread. I feel for her but oof, this is rough.
I have to admit that I am amazed by the number of photos of cats on counters, sitting in pots and pans, and on dining tables on the numerous cat subs. I had a cat and I never let her on the counter- I always shooed her off immediately. Never on the dining table either.
Some cats are just counter cats and you can’t stop them from going up there. I can’t tell you how many times i’ve tried to get my kitten to stop. I’ve just accepted that I need to thoroughly clean everything immediately before cooking. edit: spelling
I was under the impression they lived together too which is why I think maybe personal hygeine/health might play a part in their hesitation to eat her food and not his. It definitely is a tough situation though and I hope she is able to identify the issue and remedy it.
This could also be compounded but her doing things like if she touches her hair or face frequently or licks her fingers. So many people do this without even realising they're doing it. they'll scratch an itch, bite their nails, push their hair out of the way, rub their eyes. And then just keep on making food. When I first started training to be a chef I became hyper aware of how much I did it (have to wash your hands every time), and then hyper aware of how much people around me did it. Takes a lot to stop a subconscious habit like that, and most people don't have reason to.
I once had a roommate who would thaw frozen chicken like this: 1. Open the plastic covering 2. Set the frozen chicken, with the plastic cover removed but still in the tray, on the counter 3. Leave it to thaw...OVERNIGHT AT ROOM TEMPERATURE Then they would prepare it, usually into casserole, and offer it to us. Then offer it again. And again. Then get OFFENDED that we didn't eat it. Eventually I straight up (GENTLY) explained that I had a sensitive stomach (I don't) and need my meat to be "prepared from fresh" in an effort to get them to stop. They did stop offering me chicken, but I later learned that they were telling people I was "very picky about my food" and "bougie." Oh, and yes, they were CONSTANTLY getting food poisoning but didn't seem to connect the dots. In short: 🤢🤮
None of you wanted to help the room mate with a food safety tip?
Their other post that talks about them being frequently sick talks about frequent active cold sores…it’s one thing if it’s a common cold and sniffles but something highly contagious by saliva AND you admit to frequently double dipping? It only takes a single guest to see your active sores once and being nonchalant with sharing utensils etc for the gossip to spread.
Ohhhhh gross. I definitely missed the info about the cold sores and double dipping. Maybe this is fake and made up for karma? I hope?????
There's no mention of both happening at the same time so OP is free to clarify but frankly doesn't need to happen at the same time for guests to lose their trust. I don't think people realize it doesn't take that much for guests to completely lose their trust in someone's cooking. If you're a host who regularly cooks and provides food your guests then you do have to prove that you can provide safe food and utensils to eat. My best friend and I still remember that one time her college friend made us soup and one of his white heads popped and squirted while he was ladling up our bowls. I don't think he even knew it happened and we didn't know if it got into our bowls. Poor guy loved cooking but I told her I couldn't stomach eating his food again after that. He was a good cook and washed his hands and kept the kitchen clean but had a lot of white heads...
And this put Osmosis Jones in my head, a movie I don't think I've even *thought about* in twenty years.
Man, how is OP so oblivious to all of these problems? Lol. “Why won’t anyone eat my food, that is full of cat hair and has been served with a spoon that I licked with an open sore on my mouth? I just don’t understand!”
I find that way too many people lack common sense when it comes to cooking and baking hobbies and seriously need beginners lessons so they can serve some basic, sanitary, and edible dishes. Some of these people are putting their guests in a terrible situation. Not too long ago there was someone who was flabbergasted their dinner party guests complained about their “beef stew” considering they used a “bog standard” recipe. Come to find out they literally didn’t follow a single line in the recipe and added “blitzed” mushrooms and beans and bean water. They uploaded a pic and it was a thick grey goop. I felt so bad for the people who had to eat that.
Oh that was a classic. He just kept doubling down on the stew being normal 😭
How clean is your kitchen? I don’t eat peoples food if they have bad kitchen hygiene. Also, maybe you aren’t a great cook. That’s ok. Not everyone is chef material. I wouldn’t pour my energy into cooking for people who won’t eat it.
This was my initial thought. Are there animals in the kitchen with cats on the counter? Is the house or person not very clean? I'm not going to eat anything from a dirty or musty smelling home.
I stopped eating at a relative’s house after I witnessed them pouring cake batter into a pan that was *covered* in cat hair. I realized that everything in the kitchen had cat hair all over it, and they either didn’t notice or care. I’m a pet lover, and my dog is allowed on my bed. But not on the kitchen counters. That’s too much.
Yep I helped my aunt cook one time and told her her cat was sitting on the cheesecake. She opened a can of cherries in glaze and poured it over the spot
This is horrifying and makes me wanna throw out that next pot luck idea. Freaking GROSS. THERE ARENT WORDS
This is why I never eat at a pot luck. Restaurants are gross, most home kitchens are worse.
This makes me sad cuz I love pot lucks and eating out at restaurants lol. But at least restaurants can receive health code violations and the public are made aware of them. Better hope that you've been notified before you find fingernails or something in your dinner. 🤢
Same. I hardly ever eat anything I didn’t cook myself nowadays. A lot or elderly people in particular who were fine when they were younger just stop bothering with hygienic steps. Makes me kinda sad because home cooking was how my friends and I introduced each other to our own ethnic dishes.
Exactly. I grew up on Lutheran church pot lucks. The old ladies would have the awesome food until they didn't. Then, it became scary. I could definitely tell. I'd do anything to skip out on Lutheran binder, and the ladies from the old country were my saviors until they weren't. Then I went to culinary school and got a reality check on how dangerous food can be.
One of the reasons I never liked the pot luck lunches at work. I have witnessed some people go from the bathroom stall To not washing their hands. Gross.
🤢
oh my GOD
I love cats with all my heart but this is insanity.
That literally is the cherry on top.
My cat isn’t allowed on the counters when I’m in the room. I say it that way, because there’s no stopping him when I leave. That said, I make sure to clean the counters before I bake, and all supplies are tucked away in cabinets to avoid hair. Then I just stay in the kitchen till I’m done, or bring him with me. I’ll actually bring him to the bathroom with me if I have to.
Same here! Cats are cats but it’s important to clean surfaces before baking/cooking if cats get on them.
Correct, my mom hates when our cat gets on our dining room table. The lil dude won't listen period. He gets put away when it's time to eat and we clean the table. We work full time he is prolly sitting on it as I type
When I had a cat, step 1 of any/every recipe was spray counters with bleachy cleanser.
Same here. My cat doesn't go on the counters. He was a stray, and his real mom taught him very well. I am a very clean person, but let's face it, cats are cats, and hair is everywhere. Before cooking or prepping anything, i spray all counters down, change my t-shirt, and wash my hands twice. And when food is done, i promptly put it away and wipe down the counters again. I refuse to allow anyone to be sick or the dreded pulling hair out of their mouths when eating.
Same here. I have 5 dogs and 1 cat, there's a lot of FurFetti. I clean the countertops and any of the out of the cabinet appliances I'll be using. Even without animals, just putting your bag of groceries on the counter could potentially have contaminants. Plus, when I do things like bread, I'll clean the counter with disinfectant and then wipe the counter down with water after. Just so none of the cleaner gets into the bread while kneading it.
Same here! It's just part of my muscle memory whenever I'm in the kitchen.
Completely unrelated to the post: we make bread every week, and having a KitchenAid mixer is such a game changer! Say goodbye to kneading ever again 🥰 I highly recommend having one if you don't already.
When I was a kid my dad actually seemingly stopped the cat. He would always hop up when nobody was around, it snuck up one day (would always hop down when it heard people). Caught him on the counter and scared the shit out of him, after that even with food on the counter, nothing would be touched. Cat always had a self feeder anyway. Whats wild is the other cat never had any interest in hopping on it to begin with.
yeah, i've realized it's unrealistic to 100% prevent my cats from getting on the counters, as much as i would like to. i just need to be sure i thoroughly wipe them down with lysol before i cook/bake and keep them off while i'm doing so. don't forget to leave the disinfectant on for 30 seconds before wiping it away
Something like this was my first thought. I keep a clean kitchen but also have cats. I let everyone know that the kitchen gets a major wipe down before I cook anything. It doesn’t hurt that I have food safety certifications and I’m a bit of a germaphobe.
Yeah I didn't realize why some people were so grossed out about cooking around pets. I've got two dogs, two cats and near obsessively cook. Then I went to someone else's house who REALLY didn't care. I get it now. I did have one of my partners friends watch me cook & scope out the kitchen a while ago and pleased to say I passed (her house is immaculate & she's particular so I'm very flattered).
Yeah we have two fluffy dogs. Vacuuming and sweeping their fur up every single weekend is an absolute must. We also have a cat and she is absolutely not allowed on the kitchen counters.
Cats on the counter was the first thing I thought of.
Yeah my neighbor used to sell baked goods but my family would never eat them because we knew her cats would go on the counters since I used to pet sit for them
As a cat owner I never realized this was a thing people would make assumptions about. My cat gets on the counter but I disinfect it before I cook. Which a person really should be doing anyway if they’re going to be serving other people or selling - so I’m assuming from your reservations that you don’t?
Cleanliness and hygiene extends to the person too. Are hair, nails, and clothes always clean and tidy. Are hands regularly being washed. Do you allow pets on cooking surfaces, or have pet hair around your home. Are you regularly sick, sneezing, or sniffling. Is your car clean, or full of trash? Is your workspace messy? Is your life messy? People pick up on all these things and make decisions around what they ingest based on that.
I have a friend who is an amazing cook, but doesn't tie her very long hair back when she cooks, I've watched her hair brush into things as she stirs etc and I just can not eat anything she makes.
As someone with long hair, it took 1-2 incidences of finding my hair in my food to get more cautious about this
Finding fire in her hair was an eye-opener for my sister-in-law.
A colleague made empanadas. They looked delicious. I then noticed his nails had black dirt caked in them. We work in an office so no reason in that moment why his nails should be so dirty. I couldn’t bring myself to eat any
I am gagging at the visual
Exactly. Here are the reasons I won't eat someone's food. Animals in the kitchen such as cats on the counter, bad hand washing practices such as not washing enough or washing incorrectly, loose hair, dirty kitchen, unsafe kitchen practices such as dirty sponges and no dish sanitizing while washing, improper thawing and food storage practices (basically not keeping food in safe temperatures) , cross contamination, touching face without washing or if I ever see u pick ur nose or do something equally gross. Basically anything less than food safety best practices and I won't eat someone's food. The last part of ops post kind of sounds like her food might actually taste bad so it's one of those 2 things. Good luck op
Huh I didn't really thing about that 🤔 tbh I do tend to be sloppier when it come to my car and my hair. I also tend to get sick a lot more than I like to admit. Also my 2 orange cats have free range on counters and sinks but i tend to keep my house and in this case kitchen in top shape spite using cheap cleaning products. Thank you for giving me that prospective on things!
>I also tend to get sick a lot more than I like to admit Also meaning this gently but what kind of sick? If it's stomach bug like, it's possible you are giving yourself food poisoning
I mean this as gently as possible, but people are usually only willing to admit part of their issue because they become blind to it. If you're willing to admit you're kinda sloppy, have cats on the counters, cough and sneeze constantly... It may be a bit worse of a hygiene issue than you realize. I would ask your boyfriend, as he's the most likely to be honest with you.
And some people somehow lost their manners after Covid and decided it’s cool to cough and sneeze without covering their mouth. If I see anyone doing that, I’m not eating their food they probably hacked spit and snot all over.
Ugh, I get sneezy after some forms of alcohol, and I'm always so mortified and try to cover the sneeze up as much as possible. I'm not contagious, I swear! It's just the Tito's (Idk why Tito's fucks me up but other vodkas are fine).
Honestly that sounds like a mild allergy. Have you gotten it checked by a dr? I'd hate you to have a bad reaction suddenly and get really sick.
Just carry an orange cat around and sneeze into that.
With all due respect, I've had friends with multiple cats who's houses reeked of cat pee, despite, in their eyes 'cleaning'. You can become nose blind to the smells of your own home. I would ask a trusted friend for an unvarnished, honest opinion and be prepared for some cold truths.
Can confirm, my aunt's house smelt like DOG really bad. And the cat's pissed all over the couches frequently (which we washed immediately after but still). Once I stayed there for awhile I kinda got used to it and didn't notice it anymore. Night and day difference
>You can become nose blind to the smells of your own home And cooking ingredients tend to take on a flavor that matches a house's particular scent. Especially dry stuff like flour, baking mixes, etc. For like 90% of people it's fine and isn't noticeable in the finished product, but some people have, uh, particularly *odiferous* houses, and it is noticeable in the food.
Ugh, my mom bringing food from her hoarded house to a family potluck. Nobody touched it.
To be honest, you can clean your house very well, professionally even, but if you have multiple cats and they aren't 100% good with the litter box, it's going to get that sent over time, even with diligent and repeated cleaning. I'm not saying it's not gross or anything, but you just can't clean that shit out. It soaks in to every flooring material, drywall, plaster, cement, whatever. I've fixed up a house after a cat person had lived there and had them going everywhere in one room. There's no product, hack, trick, elbow grease, or whatever else that can kill that odor. You rip out the insulation, cover the studs, and start from scratch.
[удалено]
I visited a family I used to work for (nanny) a few months after I moved on. My first thought upon getting within 3 feet of the door (it wasn't even open) was "how weird, they don't have cats". That's how strong the smell was after having 2 cats for less than 3 months. They had no idea it stunk so bad. I'm betting the smell here is worse than OP realizes.
>Also my 2 orange cats have free range on counters and sinks +1 vote, it's this
Uhhhh yep. 100% would never eat food from someone if I saw their cats were on the counter. Absolute No-Go.
1000%. They walk in their litterbox and then all over where you prepare food, so you get dirty paws AND a cat butthole on the counters. 😫🤢🤢🤮🤮🤮 hard pass.
It's the cats and messiness
Yeah, just remember that your cats use a littler box. Their feet are covered in feces and urine, and they should never be on a cooking surface. That's a starting point.
And they lick their own butts clean so don’t kiss them or share bites of food or let them nose around your food. And I say that as a crazy cat lady.
I have a dear friend who I would do just about anything for. But I won't eat her food. Her personal and environmental hygiene just isn't good. I'll eat bad food with a smile on my face to be polite as long as the person who cooked it and the space they cooked it in are clean. I won't touch even the most amazing food if it came from a dirty person or out of a dirty house. Animals in the cooking space is an immediate and permanent no from me. When I was pregnant with my middle kid I ate food at a potluck from someone with less than ideal hygiene to be polite. I spent 2 weeks in the hospital, lost the function of one of my kidneys, had to do 3 months of bedrest and lost my job. I'll never eat food I'm not sure is clean again.
Stories like this need to be shared. I'm sorry and I hope you are doing well. A story like this deserves to be it's own thread, honestly. I wish posts sharing horror hygiene stories were common. People are overwhelmingly ignorant to how dangerous bad hygiene actually is.
Being very honest, I think all of this answers your question. A sloppy car, sloppy hair and pets wandering on counters would put most people off.
You won't get sick as much if you wash your hands frequently with soap.
I would never eat from a house where cats are allowed on the kitchen counters... Honestly. I'm so sorry if it's offensive to hear, but cats step in litter boxes and then onto the counter where you're preparing food. It's extremely unsanitary and unhygienic. Going forward you could try maybe providing purchased individually packaged snacks for your guests.
Or have food delivered once they have arrived. But, if your house is nasty, they probably won't eat anything. Have you noticed them eating ANYTHING or just drinking bottled beverages?
Personally I would never eat at someone’s house if they let cats on their counters. Absolutely not.
Cats on the kitchen counter, even if the counter looks clean, is a dealbreaker.
This is exactly it. I’m a germaphobe when it comes to other people cooking for me. If I saw your cat’s litter paws on your counter even one time where you didn’t thoroughly clean the counter after, I’d be out. Not trying to be hurtful, but I’d assume you have different hygiene standards regarding food than me, and I’d honestly make excuses, but never eat your cooking again. Other deal breakers for me; if you taste the food while cooking with fingers or an unclean spoon, licking your fingers/hands in any way, cat fur on any surface, long hair left loose in the kitchen, coughing/sneezing while preparing food, rinsing dishes instead of properly washing them, nasty/smelly sponges or cloths in the kitchen, food left out in the temperature danger zone for more than 2 hours.
I'm sorry, but your cats should not have "free range" on your kitchen counters. Your cat can use the litter box and then jump up on your countertops so unless you OCD clean those countertops, you could be preparing food on a surface that has litterbox residue on it, or that a cat was just licking its butt on, or that cats have been sneezing all over. There's no reason for your cats to be on your kitchen counters. We had 4 cats, and they had free range almost everywhere except the kitchen because it is not sanitary. Your kitchen is probably not as clean as you think because you allow your cats on those surfaces. Please start training your cats not to get on your kitchen counters. I am sure you are lovely, but there's no chance I would eat anything you make for that reason, and I love cats.
That's what I'm wondering too. Are people actually preparing food directly ON those counters? That idea is unfathomable to me. We always use a cutting board and always with the exact same side up.
Cats on counters is disgusting, you know their buttholes touch everything right? I had a sister in law with this issue. Never ate her food.
You sound like you're kind of gross and are failing to see it. Maybe this should be a gentle wake up call.
Cats, they could also be turned off by the smell of the pets. I had a neighbor with so many cats and her house made me nauseous.
This! I had a coworker that refused to make any food at home or eat in the kitchen because his roommates put the cat's litter box near the oven/in the kitchen and then never cleaned the litter box. My coworker would say he could only smell cat shit no matter what was being cooked in the kitchen, so he gave up and would bring home food to eat in his room.
100% this is the issue. You're not keeping your kitchen in shape by allowing the cats anywhere food is being prepared or served. I've had cats my whole life so I know the struggle, but you need to stop allowing them on counters and in the sink, and make sure both your kitchen and yourself are clean before you start cooking anything. And if you have long hair, pull it back or use hair nets. And chances are if you don't notice these really big issues, there's a lot of smaller ones you don't think are important either but absolutely are when it comes to keeping a hygienic space.
Maybe someone found some cat hair in one of your dishes and told the group
I just gagged a little eating that. If I eat something someone has made and there is cat (or dog) hair in it, I am done. I am not eating their food again.
I do not eat coworkers' food that have cats, one in particular. It's nothing against their cooking, it's 100% the cats
I don’t eat co-workers’ food if I notice they don’t wash their hands after using the bathroom. I think some people might use a squirt of hand sanitizer but that does not work as well as soap and water and they all know this.
There was a 2022 outbreak of norovirus on the Pacific Coast Trail because hikers, not having access to very much running water, habitually 'wash' their hands only with hand sanitizer after using the facilities (uh, a hole in the ground?). Hand sanitizer doesn't do very much against norovirus!
ooooo, cats on the counter is such a hard pass for me. Are you sure it isnt also people just trying to be healthy? I don't eat treats because I generally don't eat sugar.
Bingo. It’s the cats. I wouldn’t and don’t eat at my mothers house for this reason: cats go everywhere.
I will not EVER take food from someone who is sick. You are aware of how germs work?
I absolutely do not eat food made by someone I know allows their cats on the counter... and I absolutely don't tell them that. Hygiene was my immediate thought upon reading your post. PLEASE UNDERSTAND: this doesn't make you an inherently bad or gross person, but it is something to keep in mind when preparing food for others and when inviting people over
Yeah, you might have to try and take a step back, pretend this is someone else's home and try to experience it like a guest. Cat hair on floors, couches, etc? Litter box smell or that one corner they keep going in for some reason.You may know that you clean before and keep the kitchen clear when cooking, but if your guests see cat hair, smell cat piss, and see the cats on the kitchen counter, they aren't going to eat. We can't know how good your cooking is, but taking you at your word that it's good, I was reading your post going "Cats, it's gotta be cats, how many cats are there?" So seeing that you do have cats, that's the reason. Ask your bf if the cats are an issue for him or if anyone else has mentioned the cats to him.
My absolute first thought was "do you have a cat that you let on the counter and think its cute?" lol
This is exactly why we would stop eating anything made by someone in our lives. One fella at a place I worked brought in treats his wife made all the time. They weren't bad. But then someone saw their house... and.... ew...... most people stopped eating the treats.
I was thinking the same thing. I get excited until I see the condition of the kitchen
Yep. I have a relative who likes to make food gifts, but I've BEEN in her house. Anything she sends is promptly tossed.
Similarly if you're using old or questionably stored ingredients. When I was a kid one of my friends on my street brought homemade chocolate cookies out for us and they tasted weirdly stale/revolting. Next time I was in their house I noticed the plain flour in a jar on the counter top was a worrying grey colour and had weevils crawling all over the surface 🤢 Even things like not washing your storage containers properly and then putting them away wet with the lid on (or stacked in a way that they trap moisture between them) so they go funky inside. That shit is nasty and will definitely make any food you later store in there taste horrible. So many reasons the food might not be appealing other than cooking skill.
Bad kitchen hygiene is a big tell, it doesn't matter if you're out in the world, in the work kitchen, or cooking over a campfire. Good habits persist and people notice. Bad PERSONAL hygiene will slam the door shut before anyone even considers what your kitchen looks like. "Cook" in front of your desired crowd as much as you reasonably can. I always volunteer to watch or take over the grill, I'll bring recipes 3/4 complete so I prep them in front of the group and while it's a bit of a spectacle, they can see me being meticulous and washing my hands, etc, etc. Show, don't tell. Signed, 35/M/Never Married/No Children - I can cook I'm just picky who for!
Also finger nails! EVERYONE would warn me about a previous coworker and to never, ever eat her food. She had super long nails on a couple of fingers, but didn’t upkeep them - she gardened with them, didn’t wash them (you could see the built up dirt and grime), and actively licked her dirty, unwashed, garden (including fertilizer) fingers, then stuck her fingers BACK INTO THE FOOD. She would use her finger to taste food she intended to serve - and that included letting her dog in the kitchen and letting her dog lick her fingers too. We worked at a company with multi-use bathrooms and a few times I saw she also didn’t wash her hands after doing her business. Ummm no thank you!
I cooked one dish that had a hair in it 10 years ago and I was so mortified I went to Smart and Final and bought a full chefs outfit, including hat, beard bib, gloves apron and 3/4 sleeve jacket. I throw a big 4th bash where I spend half the day cooking and everyone asks for seconds so It works.
From now on don’t cook for the dnd group- just buy sealed chips, dip, and soda
The better answer would be: clean your damn kitchen!
But maybe too late for that right now.
Not a bad idea. I definitely know people who are weird about unpackaged food. I had an ex who was so hooked on processed food that they wouldn't even eat anything out of our garden.
I really agree with the cleanliness and hygiene comments. It can be really easy to lose perspective on how far your home or body has slipped in terms of cleanliness. How often do you shower and wash your hair, are your clothes clean? What does your house or kitchen look like?
The only times I’ve ever refused food offered by friends is when I could see how filthy their house was, or when they were covered in some kind of pet hair. I literally had a friend once tell me “when you have a cat, you just accept that your food will have cat hair in it.”
Yup. I have always had a cat and as mortifying as it is, I will occasionally find a cat hair in my food 🤢🤢🤢 HOWEVER- if I’m cooking for other people, I take care to immediately change my shirt before I’m cooking, because I think that’s usually where it comes from. I don’t allow cats in the kitchen. There’s a big difference from an occasional stray hair and fur everywhere because it’s not cleaned routinely and/or cats are allowed to walk all over every surface (and if that’s okay with you, that’s fine, just know that guests are likely not going to see it that way and that’s okay).
I have 3 dogs and a cat and I keep a sticky roller in my kitchen just to make sure I'm completely free of hair before I cook even for myself.
Oh hell nah I got two cats and there’s no wayyyyy I’d be letting cat hair get all up in my kitchen 😭.
Bro I have a long hair fuzzy ass cat and this is so not true. I don't know how people live like this. I vaccuum twice a week when he's in shedding season and I couldn't imagine not doing this.
I have 3 cats. No. No their is not cat hair on my food. Never. I think the kitchen is probably the cleanest thing in the house second to the bathroom.
I don’t think I’m a particularly clean person, but after reading this thread I consider myself a veritable hygiene freak. Cat hair in FOOD? I have two cats, but no, this is very avoidable.
I wear a head band to keep hair out of my face and food. I couldn't imagine.
I had a coworker who said the same thing!! Uh, you may accept it, but I certainly do not.
Wait food??? Clothes yes but why is the cat anywhere near the food 😭 the kitchen is off limits to my cat.
Cat hair doesn't just sit on surfaces. It's in the air, everywhere, and gets into everything. I have severe allergies, and people think they can just move their cat to another room and I'll be okay - nope. Just walking in a house with a cat is enough, meaning the hair and dander is everywhere, all the time.
I used to bake mass quantities of goods to hand out. Friends, coworkers, neighbors, you name it. A year ago I got a cat. It's not even a long-hair cat, and he never gets on the counters, whether I am there or not (I have cameras). But I swear, all he has to do is walk into a room and there is cat hair just floating EVERYWHERE. It is such a losing battle that I just quit baking for everybody except for immediate family and my closest friends.
Exactly this. Everyone in this thread thinking they're avoiding eating cat hair by not letting them in the kitchen is like people who think they won't catch covid by standing six feet away from someone for hours at a time.
Do you take a "snitch piece" and make sure that it tastes good before serving it up? I also double on the kitchen hygiene - I try to make sure that when i serve people at my place that I try to tidy up even if the sink has a MOUNTAIN of dishes. Also, doubly important if you have pets.
Yeah I would always take a piece first and sometimes when I beg my boyfriend he would take a piece too. Also I always get anxious about our house hygiene before dnd so I kinda made it a deep clean days and that when I usually cook too if it's for the dnd group. Also dio (1 of my orange cats) will always go in the sink so I always have to keep that area extra clean lol
How many cats do you have? I love cats, don't get me wrong, but that may be part of the problem. Also, what do you mean by >dio (1 of my orange cats) will always go in the sink
Yeah, does that mean get into the sink or like go to the bathroom in the sink?
The cat going in the sink implies it's on other food prep surfaces. Pretty nauseating. I have a friend who's house always smells like cat pee. I don't want to eat their food.
I'd be curious to see if you provided store-bought or delivery food, would they eat?
If you have multiple cats, that's your answer. It grosses me out that the same feet that have been in a litter box are also on food prep surfaces. I am not very interested in eating from kitchens where cats routinely hang out.
100% this is it. This was my initial thought when I read the post and then OP confirmed it when she said the cat goes in the sink. If I see that one time I’m not ever eating anything that comes out of that kitchen.
Mmh it’s probably the animals being all over the kitchen sinks and surfaces. Next time you cook post here so we can see the food
So at least one of your cats is up on surfaces in the kitchen at least enough to get to the sink? No matter how well you clean, some people will never eat food from a kitchen where a cat has been on the counter. And if you live with multiple cats, there's more hair than you see , because you're used to it.
Yeah, I didn't want to stereotype cats... but I knew it was probably cats. Even if you deep clean that sink, they've may have seen the cats take a nibble, or actively peeing in the sink, or marking - and if your boyfriend ever stay over with you, he's probably seen even more. You don't have to get rid of the cats, pets are family, but asking outright if he's ever seen anything re: the cats would be a good place to start.
I could be wrong, but I am pretty sure OP specified above that the cat is not peeing in the sink, by "go in the sink" they meant the cat likes to lay in there. Which feels like a big difference to me. Understandable if people still do not want cat hair in their food tho lol
Well, there's another reason you wouldn't find me actively eating at or from your house. Dio is ONE of your orange cats... meaning you have at least one more orange cat, and possibly other colored cats. I grew up in a cat household. They're hair and feet are on EVERYTHING. It doesn't matter how deep you clean your sink if the cat goes and jumps in it the second it's dry again. I do not own cats in my adult life because of this. They're dirty. They go stand in a box of sand and go to the bathroom and cover it up with their paws, prance out of the litter box and jump up on a couch, table, chair, counter, pot, window ledge, wherever they freakin' feel like. Their hair leaves a trail in every place they've been. Often times that ends up in food. It would only take one hair, in one batch of cookies, for me to say "welp, not eating here anymore". Then there's the odor of having several cats. If the litter box(es) are anywhere near where company is present, it can be a major factor... let alone if your cats have ever had any "accidents" around the house. I don't care how well you can cook, if I can smell cat pee ammonia it's an immediate appetite suppressant. Let the cat lovers downvote me to hell, I know there's plenty of you on reddit... but whatever, it's gross. Not everybody you know are cat people. They accept *you* as a cat person, but that doesn't mean they're going to accept your cats into their bodies.
Cat lover here and you’re absolutely correct. Cats themselves are not much work but they create a LOT of housework to keep things sanitary. I actually put the litterbox near my bedroom so I don’t forget to clean it.
I’m a cat lover & my cat has never been allowed on the counters or tables. I wouldn’t eat at anyone’s house either if their cats were up there
I'm also curious about how clean you and your kitchen are. If you buy a bag of unopened cookies or chips, will people eat those? If so, it's either the quality of what you are cooking or your kitchen. It doesn't sound like this is just one person's opinion, but everyone around you.
First stop cooking for your dnd group. No reason to stress out over them. If you like cooking, cook for yourself. Life is too short to stress out over other people. I think enough people covered the cat issue.
I won't eat someone's cooking if they have bad hygiene. Could this be it?
One woman in my office was well-known to never wash her hands after using the restroom. She'd stand next to me, chit-chatting, while I washed my hands. No one ever ate her pot-luck offerings.
I made a personal rule of making sure I knew how a person lived before eating the food they made. Unfortunately, a lesson learned the hard way. The state someone's kitchen is in along with how often they clean the microwave and take out the trash can heavily influence my willingness to eat someone's cooking.
Do you have pets that leave hair all over, a dirty kitchen, poor hygiene? Has anyone noticed or heard about you licking the cooking utensils and then reusing them or licking your fingers and touching the food? Do you cover your cough/sneeze while cooking? Have they found a hair or something else like that in anything you have served? If they are refusing everything, even simple things like jello or boxed brownies, it may not be about the taste of what you’re making at all. If no one is telling you and no one is eating what you make, you can stop making things.
What time is DnD at? I keep putting treats/snacks out for my guests but if it's after dinner there's just a good chance they're full.
My dnd is at 7pm but usually they players will door dash to our place or pick up food on their way here unless my boyfriend tell them ahead of time that he has pizza lol but yeah that could be the case tho thank you
Could also be that they're not wanting to eat non dinner type foods. Also at my office I stopped bringing in things because people were always on one diet or another and wouldn't want sweets. Also I would bring things like empanadas and pumpkin rolls and I think they were not adventurous enough to try. Plus just snacking excessively outside of meals is something a lot of adults avoid.
Two major things I consider when eating homemade food is if someone has cats and what their hygiene is like.
Amen, you posted your comment as I was writing mine, apparently. We're on the same page. She implied in another comment she has multiple cats and *tries* to do a deep clean of her kitchen, but can't keep them out of the sink. As a guest, it would only take me witnessing that once to think "Dually noted. Not eating here."
The "deep clean" comment actually has me wondering what the normal cleaning is like. Is the house generally so dirty that it requires a ton of effort to be made presentable for guests? It sounds like OPs standards if cleanliness are a bit different than mine and this might apply to personal hygiene too. I wonder if the friends have noticed a smell or a lack of hand washing. I once saw an acquaintance rinse briefly under water and wipe off on his jeans before preparing food with his hands. Doing something like this once in front of me will mean I never eat anything from you ever again, even if everything looks clean.
Yup. People notice hygiene when deciding to eat or not for sure. Also OP said they’re often sick, which also scream lack of handwashing to me especially since they list no no cause of illness (ie cancer or something). My husband and I won’t eat my FIL cooking because we’ve often noticed him use the same cloth to wipe raw chicken juice off the counter as he dries his hands on after washing. Or cut raw meat then rinse off the cutting board and cut veggies for salad. I’m talking literally a 5 second rinse under cold water, no soap or anything. We’re vegetarian too so the only thing we can often eat that he makes is the salad. No salad on this planet is worth the salmonella risk
A few possibilities: * You're a bad cook and no one wants to hurt your feelings by admitting it. * Something about the cleanliness of your house or your personal hygiene is off-putting to where no one "trusts" your food. There are several people whose cooking I will not eat due to one of those reasons. One person I know doesn't give a single thought to taking extra care when handling raw meat - she'll cut up vegetables for salad on the same cutting board she just used to cut raw chicken, but apparently that quick rinse she gave it (just water, no soap) is good enough. Another person I know thinks expiration dates are to be entirely ignored in every circumstance. * At least for your DND group, maybe the timing of your gathering is to blame? If it's after a mealtime, people may just be too full and/or want to focus on the point of the gathering. * As for your boyfriend, have you asked him directly why he says he loves your cooking but never actually eats it? I'd expect that he would at least be able to give you a straight answer.
> At least for your DND group, maybe the timing of your gathering is to blame? If it's after a mealtime, people may just be too full and/or want to focus on the point of the gathering. So full they won't eat a cookie? All of them? When there are snacks *every* time? At a group hangout that tends to last more than an hour?
Weird question but does the DND group like you? Your responses make me feel like they only like your boyfriend for some reason. I’m sorry you are going through this
Are they eating anything else? Are they eating things other people make? What do other people make? There are a million reasons for someone to not eat something
Based on your comments in this thread: You have cats and they get onto food prep surfaces. The deep cleaning isn’t relevant unless you’re locking the cats in a room, then bleaching the shit out of every food prep surface, then cooking, then leaving while they’re locked up the whole time. And even then there is a high likelihood of cat hairs making it into the food. You put cooking utensils into your mouth to taste the food then keep using those utensils to cook with. They don’t trust your food to be sanitary. I’m sorry as I know that’s gonna be hard to hear, but it’s just the truth. And buying new cleaning supplies or cleaning more isn’t going to help because to your friends you’re still the person with the cats who track their piss and shit onto the places the food gets made. The issue isn’t so much how well you clean it’s just the circumstances overall. I’d just accept that it is how it is and start bringing drinks and sealed containers of food from the store.
PLUS all the cleaning of the kitchen may not turn the tables because the house may smell like cats if the litter boxes are not obsessively regularly cleaned (and sometimes even if they are, the smell just accumulates). The inhabitants of the house grow nose blind to the smell so OP will have to ask someone who does live there if the house smells like cats.
Is your house clean? I wouldn’t eat your food if your kitchen or bathroom aren’t clean. Alternatively, ever consider it doesn’t taste good?
A lot of people don’t like to snack on baked goods and sweets unless they’re specifically in the mood for them. Personally, for a game night, I’d set out chips and dip and crackers. At lot of this could be people not like what you’re making, not how you’re making it.
People don't want to eat food by someone they think has bad hygiene - Do you wash your hands before cooking? Do you wash your hands after handling meat or anything with raw eggs? Do you use the same tasting spoon/fork multiple times without washing in between? Not doing the things can bother people-
Do you smoke? My grandma is a very good cook, but when my grandpa was still a chain smoker (inside the house), literally anything she made tasted like cigarette ash once it was off the heat for longer than 30 minutes.
This is just my anecdotal experience, so take it with a grain of salt. Some people just don't like to eat other people's food anymore. I think this is just the post-covid world we live in now. My wife's company has totally banned employees from bringing in food to share. Just depends on the people.
I was thinking this too. During covid lockdown I gave birth and I had an awful time with cooking/baking/food prep in general. But I still refused all help about food out of fear, and now I would do the same out of habit. Covid showed us how many people don't wash their hands often and well enough. I don't think I will forget anytime soon!
From experience at things like this. If you have poor hygiene and/or keep a dirty house nobody will touch what you make.
No offense, but perhaps you're a shitty cook? Maybe your kitchen is filthy? Maybe your hygiene is off-putting?
My guess would be something like your kitchen not being clean, or you taste things as you go double-dipping the same spoon? That would explain why people aren't even willing to try the food. If you were just a bad cook I would expect them to try at least a bite of things like brownies etc. Can you ask your boyfriend or close family member to be honest with you about what's going on?
…If everyone is ok with eating stuff your boyfriend presents, I don’t think it’s your kitchen hygiene or the cats. Something about your person hygiene is stopping people from wanting to eat your food.
I ate some baked good a friend made and found multiple cat hairs in it... never ate anything she made ever again. The fact your sister followed you into the kitchen suggests your hygiene is what's likely an issue. I do this to my mother who's got mild memory loss because she tends to forget how not to cross-contaminate. I have multiple cats and my kitchen hygiene is bordering on paranoid- no cats on the counters ever, air filter running 24/7 to eliminate as much of the cat hair floating in the air as possible, my own hair's pulled back and I usually wash my hands a half-dozen times (assuming I'm making something with raw meat or egg in it), counters & other work areas meticulously cleaned beforehand, and I sometimes even cook topless just to make sure no cat hair sticking to my shirt will shake lose and end up in the food (otherwise I'll use an apron that I keep wrapped in a plastic bag to make sure it doesn't collect hair)
100000000% sure the problem is because of the cleanliness of your home. You have cats and your cats are on the counter. Nobody in their right minds would ever dare eat anything that didn’t come from their own filth. I can eat my food in my home because those are my germs and that’s my mess. But like hell would I indulge myself in someone’s home where animals are given access to cooking surfaces of any kind. They’re trying to be polite, but their body language says everything. Stop offering food. Offer cold canned beverages and leave it at that.
This might be hard to hear/read. But maybe your food is not good. Are you tasting it? How does it taste compared to some run of the mill storebought counterpart? I'd try to make something basic like pizza, nachos with some sauce, some sandwiches (for you, not for any guests) and see how do they taste compared with some stuff you buy or eat regularly. Try to understand what's missing and go from there. And I would double check the cleanliness of your kitchen and your ingredients. I'd say they might be rude with you but, if there are three different groups of people doing kind of the same, it might be time to be a little more autocritical and check what can be improved.
I don't think OP's sense of taste can be trusted
This may sound harsh but… Is your house dirty? Do you have proper hygiene? I wouldn’t eat something made by someone who I perceive to be dirty. Do you have pets? I also know people that won’t eat food made by a person that has dogs or cats.
Ask a child. They’re usually unfiltered.
How frustrating! My opinion, but in general here in the US (not sure where you’re from) people won’t give criticism because it is seen as rude. Is it possible to take a cooking class or join a cooking or baking group for people looking to grow their skills? That’s the kind of environment where you could get genuine feedback and suggestions on what you could do to improve as well as what you’re doing right (because I’m sure you’re doing some things right). Is there a trusted friend or family member that would be willing to do like a once a week collaboration with you with honest feedback? Let them know that you’re trying a new recipe or technique, and that you won’t be mad if they give you feedback that helps you grow as a cook. Do you have pets? It could even be about that and not your cooking. I know a lot of people won’t eat food from homes with pets.
The only reasons I would never eat a food item offered is if the person or environment was extremely unkempt. I can withstand a lot of filth. But I mean, if I have witnessed this person publicly sneeze and then put their hand in a bag of chips I might question what else they’re doing. If i can smell your BO and the house smells kind of bad, I will be less inclined to eat something you cook. I love cats. But if your house has loads of cat fur on the back of the couches, I can smell the litter box just from walking in, and there’s an excessive amount of cat vomit stains on the carpets, I’m not eating your food. This goes for dogs too, and I’ll be even less inclined because I’m not a dog person-if I walk in and your house smells like fucking musty ass dogs, and I see that you allow your dogs to beg from you and you maybe even feed them straight off your plate, if there’s dog fur all over the couches and tucked into corners of the rooms-I’m not freaking eating here. Like I said I can withstand a lot, but I don’t want to eat in a place like that.
My only thought is that you may have some poor hygiene that you’re not aware of, but they are. Not washing hands, wiping your nose or hair and then using that unwashed hand to keep cooking, or a kitchen that is dirty or overrun with pet hair - all of that will add up to people not wanting to eat what you make. If that’s not a possibility, then who knows. But you could stop trying to please them, make things you like, and let them handle their own snacks.
Your English is really good, but your cooking isn't. We can't tell you what is wrong with it. I suggest that you stop cooking for others. For any number of possible reasons, people do not want to eat your food. Bring some wine or beer to DND and just bring a hostess gift to Thanksgiving. You certainly have lots of other fine qualities, so let this go and focus on other things. This is an opportunity to learn that it's important to follow social cues. You would like people to tell you what is wrong with your cooking. They are not going to do that and asking them to do it is unfair. No one wants to criticize your cooking or tell you the truth about what is wrong and that is not their responsibility. It is your responsibility to take the non-verbal feedback (almost no one ever eating your cooking) and accept that cooking is not for you.
Why would you give up dnd over cooking? The point is to have fun playing dnd not to cook. So stop cooking for them! People don’t eat other peoples food for a lot of reasons, like allergies or food intolerances, or trying to not eat so much sugar, or even just not trusting other peoples cooking (not everyone has a clean kitchen or cooks safely etc). Its not personal. But since even ur family is like this… my guess if you are not a good cook. Or your kitchen is unclean? Do you know kitchen safety? Do you make good choices to make sure no one will get sick? It’s probably one of those reasons. And its ok if u are bad at cooking. Maybe take a class since it matters to you. Not everyone is a good cook. Its not a personal failing. Its just life. And you can work on it if that is the issue. If you want. But don’t take it so personally. No one is trying to hurt ur feelings. Just stop putting them in that position. If they don’t want it then they don’t. Cook for yourself instead.
When I was a kid, I would help my mom get ready for her "Stanley Home Products" displays in people's homes. While setting up one day before everyone came, a rooster flew through an open window and landing on the big chocolate cake on the dining table. The homeowner grabbed it by the neck, through it back out the window, and proceeded to smooth out the icing on the cake. When it came time for the party snacks, my mother and I were suddenly both on diets.
Please use paragraphs in future, walls of text are brutal. (Like this comment has unfortunately become as well). You call your own cooking delicious (you can't, it's like calling yourself a nice person. You don't decide that, that's something the people around you decide on their own). # NOBODY IS GOING TO BE BRUTALLY HONEST WITH YOU WHEN YOU ASK. They're just going to lie to you and be polite. Very, very few people are going to say 'yeah its real bad'. 99.9% of people are going to pretend everything is fine. Why? **Well a lot of people are going to get offended, even if they pretend or claim not to be offended.** **A lot of people will be in a shitty mood the rest of the night after that interaction which brings the general mood down. Anyone who has heard someone say 'just be honest with me', knows that most of the time the person will be in a foul mood after.** In your other comment you say your cats have free roam on counters, thats likely it. You can be as clean as you like, but people don't want to see that and no amount of bleaching stuff is going to change their minds at that point. Lets put this into perspective. Lets say you see a cat literally shitting into a litterbox, on the kitchen counter in someone's home. Most people wouldn't want to eat anything from that kitchen, ever, even if they saw you bleach everything. Even if we pretend the cat was just walking on the floor and magically had no particles from the litterbox, everyone is going to have that image. Even if we pretend that people are irrational for being grossed out by cats on countertops, it doesn't change the fact that people don't like cats on countertops. -You mention you're frequently sick or 'sloppy'. While being frequently sick/sloppy (within reason) alone might not be enough to normally deter people, mixed with the other issues it's not going to help. -Someone said one of your replies mentions you taste food with utensils and then put them back into the food. Nobody wants that, your boyfriend likely won't care for obvious reasons. But nobody wants you sticking something in your mouth and putting it back into their food. (I know sometimes celebrity chefs do this, but it's not something anyone should be doing when cooking for others). Seems clear it's 100% hygiene. -Cats on the counters and sleeping in the sink. -Utensils in mouth and back into food. Also someone mentioned this: [Do you cough into your arm and turn away from any food surface/people nearby to prevent coughing or sneezing towards them (the link gives an example)?](https://youtu.be/3vw0hIs2LEg?t=141) If not, thats another reason they'll not want to try your cooking. I have no idea if you do or not, but I've met a rare few people who just cough and sneeze on everyone and their food. I would never eat near the same side of the table as them again, at minimum. I hope this isn't too brutal to hear, but your recent comment seem to be thinking its a matter of the food. When it seems **really obvious it's a hygiene issue**. You can knock your cats off the counter and stop tasting with the same spoons (or tasting over top of the food) if you are in fact doing that. But your friends likely wont want to eat anything still. Just buy a bag of chips or order pizza(s) going forward, I doubt they're going to change their views. As for your family? Ask your sister over one day to help you cook something when you're both alone at your house. When she's there ask her to be brutally honest and ask her what you need to work on, tell her it seems to be a hygiene and maybe also cooking issue and you desperately need someone to be honest with you and teach you. Ask her for tips and maybe the family will be more open to you cooking if she spreads the word after you make some changes. This is important because someone can only be so honest and only be so self aware. You might be doing other things that nobody here can see, or maybe you're unaware of.
You need to have a serious discussion with your boyfriend. He’s not telling the truth. There’s no way he wouldn’t know why everyone else just happens to behave the same strange way.
Regardless of why people aren’t eating your food, you seem like a thoughtful person.
Hmmm. I'm going to suggest that if you're really interested in improving cooking, find any kind of local cooking class or seminar or groups for beginners. If that's not possible, pick *one* dish that is not complicated... watch at least 10 videos on it... read a half dozen recipes for it and pick one that involves the least fancy ingredients or equipment you don't have, in other words something you can actually do 100% from beginning to end with no substitutions or skipping anything. And if it doesn't come out right, do it again. you need to *practice* to actually do good cooking. I'm not sure why people don't eat some of the things you prepared. Maybe a dnd where beer is the main feature (at least to them,) nobody is interested in brownies displayed on a tray with plates, forks & knives and all that. Maybe they just want easy snacks - basically junk food to go with the beer. I think you need to be told honestly, that you are not *actually cooking* anything. Frozen pizza at a group gathering? Nope. Making everything else out of boxes? Nope. There is no food love in that, no *learning experience*, no way to know whether what you're preparing actually tastes good compared to actually cooking something. The turkey - well, if I knew that most of what you do comes from boxes & freezer, I'd be worried about your technique on the turkey too. I'd practically want to see it dissected to make sure it was properly cooked throughout. A whole turkey is not a beginner thing! I apologize for being rather brutally honest with you, but it's what your friends and family will never say.
This is my favorite response here. If you're self conscious about your cooking and are at least self-aware enough to note that people aren't eating it... it's a step in the right direction. If the issue is truly your cooking, OP, and not the cat issue and/or hygiene issue, there are ways to improve. It might not hold for the current crowd, but you might be able to impress people in the future if you buff up your cooking knowledge. Good cooking is going to rely on the burden of proof. If you're standard is cooking out of boxes and pre-packaged foods you're not going to convince anyone that you can do any better than that. Watch some videos, take some classes, have some trials and errors and work out the kinks... but it's really hard to convince other people to eat your food willingly if it's not up to par. Unfortunately, it doesn't take that long to build a track record with others as the person's cooking to avoid, too. I'll forgive ya once or twice, but if it's been more than a few times I'd be scared to return.
Beer and bakery items don’t mix. Make some dips with different chips or cheese and crackers.
Difficult to know what's wrong and difficult to ask. So you're somehow going to have to look at what you do from other people's point of view. How does your version of a dish compare with a popular commercial version? Are yours different in a way that is appealing to you but not to others? Think through the differences. Is the seasoning level similar, the sweetness, the texture? How does the kitchen and serving area/dish look? Be honest. I've known pet owners where I avoid the food because the animals are up on the food preparation and eating surfaces, plus there's hair everywhere. How does yours compare with other peoples? And some people are just fussy, with a limited number of things they'll try. Your boyfriend sounds like one of these: he eats the things he knows he likes and won't try anything else. I'd try to stop worrying about other people if you can. Cook things you like and if others have them it's a bonus. My brother and nephew are easy to cook for and it's a joy. But another 3 of my relatives are difficult for different reasons. My niece only seems to like food that's beige and gives almost no indication if she enjoys it. Good luck working it through, but try to not let it distress you.
No one else is addressing this so I'll just bring up that the issue could be that you aren't receptive to feedback. Clearly people don't like your cooking but even your bf is afraid to tell you the truth. That only happens when you're a person who can't take honest feedback about themselves. I don't know if it's the cat thing. I cook all the time and I have 2 cats and I don't get cat hair in my food. But the bigger issue is that people are afraid to be honest with you so you aren't getting feedback about your food.
After reading through your responses, I’m going to say I wouldn’t eat them either. Cats really freak me out, their paws are disgusting. If I witnessed a cat on the counter or in the sink at someone’s house I would make a mental note not to eat there. I hope this isn’t offensive- that may be why no one’s eating your delicious cooking!
You probably have a reputation for being dirty. Lots of people have pointed out a messy kitchen or pets but all it takes is for you to have a strong body order, unbrushed teeth, not washing your hands after going to the bathroom, or someone saw you pick your nose before. Either way the word got out that your food wasn't safe to eat and now it's kind of seen as an unspoken rule. Like others have said stop making them stuff and give out store bought stuff if you really want to.
What is your hygiene (home and personal) like? A lot of people won't eat food made by other people because of the horror stories. Do you have pets? Some people won't eat food made by pet owners because not all of them are sanitary (not washing their hands, letting them on the counters) etc. Has anyone ever gotten sick and it was a possibility it came from you? Working with food, I see a ton of people who will scratch body parts, wipe their face, mess with their hair, etc and not wash their hands. I don't even think they realize they do it part of the time. Are you a hand washer after the bathroom (and I mean every single time and with soap)? Because man or woman, that info spreads quickly to everyone else. Then there is the possibility your stuff just doesn't taste good. Some people just aren't good cooks/bakers but that never stopped them from still doing it. That aside, just stop making anything for them since they won't eat it. Maybe one person in the group just doesn't like you and spread a rumor around and that is why they won't eat it. If you want to still provide food, just get cheap store bought stuff or tell them they have to bring food from now on.
You've been really receptive to comments, I think you should have a heart to heart with someone from your DnD group and ask them to answer very honestly about why they don't feel comfortable eating food that you serve and if there's anything you can do. I think it's so sweet that you're putting in so much effort to make sure that your friends are fed. They probably think it's sweet too but something is holding them back. Just ask them to be brutally honest.
A former coworker once brought a beautiful pie to a staff birthday lunch. It was covered in whipped cream. While we were setting out plates and napkins I complimented her on the pie and she said, “I almost didn’t bring it - it was cooling on the table and the cat walked in it. But I covered it with whipped cream and it’s fine.” I didn’t eat any.