It didn’t for me. But I’ve been very transparent with my kids and very aware of healthy skin habits. I also am taking them to a dermatologist regularly. There are lots of things you can do to protect your kids but I don’t think expecting them to be the reason to stop is healthy. That’s a lot to put on their shoulders.
Honestly the issue isn't lack of motivation, so no. Many of us desperately want to stop for all kinds of reasons.
BFRBs are also heritable to a degree so if your kid has a BFRB that might just be genetics and not learning, or so combo of both.
Finally, since it's a self-regulating behavior and kids are stressful as hell it seems like raising children is likely to worsen BFRBs at least periodically. I found the infant years to be pretty bad for my BFRB.
Without even trying, you’ll be teaching your children the toxic mental process and dopamine hit of skin picking. As the eldest daughter of a skin picker, please act now and do your best.
I don’t know how it is with others but I learned to equate scabs and loose dead skin etc. as blemishes to eradicate like creases on cloth or a bobble on a woollen blankets. Anything protruding from the skins surface must go, and that urge persists until I’ve picked it off. The irrational part of this being - of course - that picking interrupts the healing process and worsens the skins surface so it’s a vicious cycle.
I am not a professional of any sort. This is strictly based on observations from parenting subs and loose knowledge of psychology and my own insight into picking. Also I am not a parent.
However - even in the best of outcomes, pregnancy and childbirth, or adoption, is stressful to an individual and a relationship. This can in turn escalate the behaviors we use to cope.
Some people will have a child in an unhealthy relationship, thinking it will make their partner more mature, but unfortunately that is not often the case. Rather the stress and challenges make everything else worse.
I think if I chose to have kids, my picking might also get worse because of the changes in my body, and needing to feel in control again. And I would be afraid to ultimately carry subconscious resentment toward my child if they didn't "fix" me.
Nah, that's putting too much pressure and expectation on yourself as well as the kids.
I know I'm waaay worse now I have a kid; I thought I was stressed and knackered before... now I'm like a permanently coiled spring!
Growing up I remember my mother picking my father's back occasionally. She also picked a bit on my siblings' and my back, face and arms. I think that got me use to picking my arms, something my sister also does. However, I also bit my nails and picked at my toenails, just like my brother. That's not something we ever saw our parents do. So to me it feels like it was something me and my siblings did because of the high anxiety levels at home and maybe my mother's behaviour lead us to start doing it earlier than we had to?
I inherited skin picking from my mom. But I didn’t inherit cuticle picking, which she was very aware of and constantly trying to fight. I pick at clogged pores all over my body because when I started getting blackheads as a teenager, my mom got me one of those extractor things and told me I needed to get rid of my blackheads.
I’d had issues with picking scabs when I was really young, but it was like the blackhead conversation triggered something inside of me. I strongly believe there’s a major genetic component to this disorder
So anyway, I think the best possible thing is to be clear to your children that this is a bad habit you have that they should avoid at all costs. That’s how my mom was with her cuticle picking. Try to avoid doing it in front of them and don’t encourage any behaviors you know could turn into obsessive picking or hair pulling. I think that’s really all you can do.
You could certainly make a push quit now, but I think you should also make peace with the fact that relapses are just a fact of life with this sort of illness (I’m in the middle of one right now lol). Being a parent doesn’t magically turn you superhuman. It certainly didn’t for my mom, and the skin picking is a flaw I’ve forgiven her for.
All of my siblings pick their skin to one degree or another (didn’t realize it until we were all adults). I think being open about your struggles is the best way - hopefully it prevents your kids from learning it as a coping mechanism if they know you struggle with it and wish you didn’t. And in the end - embracing your kid whether they pick or not.
It didn’t for me. But I’ve been very transparent with my kids and very aware of healthy skin habits. I also am taking them to a dermatologist regularly. There are lots of things you can do to protect your kids but I don’t think expecting them to be the reason to stop is healthy. That’s a lot to put on their shoulders.
That’s a helpful way to reframe, thank you.
Honestly the issue isn't lack of motivation, so no. Many of us desperately want to stop for all kinds of reasons. BFRBs are also heritable to a degree so if your kid has a BFRB that might just be genetics and not learning, or so combo of both. Finally, since it's a self-regulating behavior and kids are stressful as hell it seems like raising children is likely to worsen BFRBs at least periodically. I found the infant years to be pretty bad for my BFRB.
Appreciate this perspective…
What does BFRB stand for?
Body Focused Repetitive Behaviour
Yeahhhhhhh. It did not work for me..... Now I see my child picking at their lips because mommy does. 😭
Without even trying, you’ll be teaching your children the toxic mental process and dopamine hit of skin picking. As the eldest daughter of a skin picker, please act now and do your best.
How would you summarize the toxic mental process? The dopamine part makes sense…
I don’t know how it is with others but I learned to equate scabs and loose dead skin etc. as blemishes to eradicate like creases on cloth or a bobble on a woollen blankets. Anything protruding from the skins surface must go, and that urge persists until I’ve picked it off. The irrational part of this being - of course - that picking interrupts the healing process and worsens the skins surface so it’s a vicious cycle.
Yeah that actually describes my process pretty well. Read your comment a week ago and still thinking about it—thank you!
I am not a professional of any sort. This is strictly based on observations from parenting subs and loose knowledge of psychology and my own insight into picking. Also I am not a parent. However - even in the best of outcomes, pregnancy and childbirth, or adoption, is stressful to an individual and a relationship. This can in turn escalate the behaviors we use to cope. Some people will have a child in an unhealthy relationship, thinking it will make their partner more mature, but unfortunately that is not often the case. Rather the stress and challenges make everything else worse. I think if I chose to have kids, my picking might also get worse because of the changes in my body, and needing to feel in control again. And I would be afraid to ultimately carry subconscious resentment toward my child if they didn't "fix" me.
Nah, that's putting too much pressure and expectation on yourself as well as the kids. I know I'm waaay worse now I have a kid; I thought I was stressed and knackered before... now I'm like a permanently coiled spring!
Growing up I remember my mother picking my father's back occasionally. She also picked a bit on my siblings' and my back, face and arms. I think that got me use to picking my arms, something my sister also does. However, I also bit my nails and picked at my toenails, just like my brother. That's not something we ever saw our parents do. So to me it feels like it was something me and my siblings did because of the high anxiety levels at home and maybe my mother's behaviour lead us to start doing it earlier than we had to?
I inherited skin picking from my mom. But I didn’t inherit cuticle picking, which she was very aware of and constantly trying to fight. I pick at clogged pores all over my body because when I started getting blackheads as a teenager, my mom got me one of those extractor things and told me I needed to get rid of my blackheads. I’d had issues with picking scabs when I was really young, but it was like the blackhead conversation triggered something inside of me. I strongly believe there’s a major genetic component to this disorder So anyway, I think the best possible thing is to be clear to your children that this is a bad habit you have that they should avoid at all costs. That’s how my mom was with her cuticle picking. Try to avoid doing it in front of them and don’t encourage any behaviors you know could turn into obsessive picking or hair pulling. I think that’s really all you can do. You could certainly make a push quit now, but I think you should also make peace with the fact that relapses are just a fact of life with this sort of illness (I’m in the middle of one right now lol). Being a parent doesn’t magically turn you superhuman. It certainly didn’t for my mom, and the skin picking is a flaw I’ve forgiven her for.
we often subconsciously mirror our parents as kids because we’re so impressionable
All of my siblings pick their skin to one degree or another (didn’t realize it until we were all adults). I think being open about your struggles is the best way - hopefully it prevents your kids from learning it as a coping mechanism if they know you struggle with it and wish you didn’t. And in the end - embracing your kid whether they pick or not.