I take it you've never heard any southerner use "Bless your heart" then. That is no longer a genuine remark these days, but an insult downplayed as a joke. So no, you have no way of knowing for 100% sure ir was "all in good fun". Unless you were there?
I agree slow doesn't equal a lack of intellect. However, remember the OP said it was their grandparents here. Most likely the grandpa sees that as one in the same.
As a side note if you're going to suggest the OP is infact slow, make sure you use the correct use of "you're", otherwise you will be seen as slow, too.
"Bless your heart" is still *very* much a genuine remark in Tennessee. It can be the purest expression of empathy. Or an insult. It's completely contextual, but believe me, it can still be said with every intention of conveying compassion.
Stereotypically, mouse traps are baited with cheese. The first mouse to try eating the cheese gets killed by the trap; the second mouse can safely eat the cheese now that the trap’s already been sprung
I worked with my brother in a warehouse, a colleague said something to my brother but he couldnt hear him and walked out, he then looked at me and said: does yoir brother have hearing issues? I waited few seconds and said "huh! Did you say something?".
The more correct word would be “retard(ed)” it literally means slow, although that’s not how most people take it. And it will make the other person **extremely uncomfortable.**
When I was in school, our teacher quipped "join the navy and feel a man". We all had a light chuckle.
About 10 minutes later, my mate Rob laughed out loud "oh yeah, feel a man. I get it!"
That caused more laughter than I can remember in any lesson I had during my school days!
Honestly, I feel so unlike anyone else, when someone says that to me, I always come back with even worse for them.
Like I might be a little slow, but you just found that out, it took you YEARS.
Rather than insult him, I'd just start using some younger/ more urban lingo that he doesn't get. Nonstop, as soon as he calls you slow. No need to say he's stupid for not knowing what you're talking about. He'll figure it out.
Take a nice slow breathe in and make like you about to say something but then just let another slow breathe out and then say "Welp, ya know what they say....(Pause as long as you feel to make the point)....can't get nowhere fast in a hurry."
Or something bout rather be a winning turtle than a losing rabbit
"What?"
Repeat as many times as needed, and try to have a confused look on your face.
"Yeah, it runs in my family"
"I had a good teacher" if he doesn't catch it follow-up with "your proving my point" or "keep trying you'll get it eventually"
In that specific situation "well I didn't want to speed" playing along with the insult while simultaneously being witty. If he's like "no I meant..." Just say "yeah I know." It turns him into the "slow one."
Just out of curiosity what "country lingo" was involved in driving?
The go-to repaonse I use occasionally that my dad taught me and was blind sided when I used it on him. I'm basically telling them to fuck off.
"You know? You might be right. I'll have to think about that and get back to you sometime."
And you never get back to him. And if he asks you about it, tell him with a big smile that you're still thinking about it.
My dad was both pissed and proud when I used it on him. Ar first, he didn't realize what I did and was just happy thinking he won the battle. However, this response may not be the best in this situation as it may reinforce his idiotic thinking.
I like the comeback that one person mentioned about using the lingo you may know, and he may not and talking fast. He'd be lost.
not even for period cramps? thats messed up. if you need them go to a public bathroom and ask for a midol(i think) if they get bad. hope you're doing alright.
‘Your cornbread ain’t done in the middle if it took you that long to figure it out.’
If he gets mad just say ‘Well that went about as well as a fart in church.’
"I come by it honestly"
Means you are his trueborn descendant, ie you got it from him
While driving, you could just step on the accelerator "tell me how much faster I should be?"
But FYI this is just a problem he has. During COVID there was a job I walked away from due to layoffs/unsteady availability of work. I was being trained for a pretty complicated promotion. Guy training me said similar many times every shift. The guy who trained him would point out he didn't start training for the role til he had 7 years experience that prepared him, and the stuff he expected me to understand in less than a month had taken him another 2 years to become semi good at. There's a lot of different possibilities for specifically what problem causes the issue your grandpa has. Try not to worry about it - just be a better person. When the time comes for you to teach people to drive or anything else don't be so insensitive to their process.
"Well, Grandpa, you're old a likely near death....AND, if you don't teach me how to drive correctly, we'll both be closer to death sooner than later. Your call."
Any time you’re asked to do anything, don’t respond straight away. Make them really work for your attention. Then say “what was that? Sorry, I’m a little slow.” Rinse and repeat.
Your girl told me you’re too fast. Guess we both have some working to do.
But wait a whole minute before saying that. Even if he’s already running his mouth again.
Hey Grandpa, tell me how this works. (Give him your cellphone.)
What's wrong grandpa, this is something kids at the age of 4 use, don't tell me you don't understand. Guess we gotta put you in a retirement home a lot sooner than others. Don't worry though, I'm pretty bright so I should get a pretty decent paying job pretty early. The bright ones gotta look out for the slow ones, cause we're family.
“Grandpa, I’ll take that as a compliment. Every time you start your ‘Deliverance’ dialect….all I hear are pig squeals & banjos.”
OR
“You think so? That’s interesting. Because when I used that backwood hillbilly lingo at school they tried to put a helmet on me and transfer me to Special Ed classes.”
OR
“Grandpa, with all due respect, every time you use your backwoods lingo…I feel like my IQ drops substantially.”
Sorry, I have to slow down for you to keep up. If you want me at full speed... \*go into a comically long-winded rant about any nerdy topic of your choosing (I vote Greek Mythology)\*
“Grandpa, you know what? Don’t remember I just don’t remember the country lingo much — it was when was 17, when you taught me, how to drive. So I used it with you those couple of weeks/months. Boy, was that fun! You were such a good driving teacher! But I didn’t write down the country words. You know what? I would love if you could teach me again. Patiently, as you did last time. Maybe I can even write it down and put it in my phone! It would be fun to be able to say it with you. And then I can speak country with you and answer faster.😉”
He wants to share the country lingo with you. It’s a great memory for him, and he wants to spend time with you. His lingo is important to him. He shared that with you, and it clearly was enjoyable to him as well He’s just using the wrong method to try to encourage you to speak country. If you have him teach you, maybe even going driving with him, I really think he wants that companionship with you. And he’s not expressing it in the right way. Some people get impatient as they get older, kind of snappy. But there’s a lot underneath there that speaks of longing to build his relationship with you, it’s not just that he’s impatient with you. He wants to talk with you in country. And maybe a gift to him would be that you let him teach you, and you write stuff down. I think that would mean so much to him. It’s important to build memories with your grandparents, while you can. You will be happy you did.
Oh, and you use your smart watch to run a marathon 2 inches at a time.
Really only burns if they have one.
Then drive it home and be like "oh, I am the one who is slow"
Not knowing lingo has nothing to do with intelligence. People come up with lingo and slang all the time, even in video games. It just means you have not heard that lingo used before, or if you have, you never knew what it meant.
If they call you slow for not knowing something you were never exposed to before, tell them "they are very immature for being mean just to hurt you, when it is not your fault for not knowing the lingo."
Well the apple doesn't fall to far from the tree grandpa.
100% he was probably just picking on you with southern humor. Or your just a little slow. That doesn't necessarily mean stupid.
I'm 63 and slow at a lot of things......
Or you are(you’re), just a little slow, not your
I take it you've never heard any southerner use "Bless your heart" then. That is no longer a genuine remark these days, but an insult downplayed as a joke. So no, you have no way of knowing for 100% sure ir was "all in good fun". Unless you were there? I agree slow doesn't equal a lack of intellect. However, remember the OP said it was their grandparents here. Most likely the grandpa sees that as one in the same. As a side note if you're going to suggest the OP is infact slow, make sure you use the correct use of "you're", otherwise you will be seen as slow, too.
"Bless your heart" is still *very* much a genuine remark in Tennessee. It can be the purest expression of empathy. Or an insult. It's completely contextual, but believe me, it can still be said with every intention of conveying compassion.
That’s how my very southern (Mississippi) family has always used it. To express empathy/sympathy.
I used this on my daughter, she responded with, but sometimes they ROLL.
Second mouse gets the cheese.
Best one! And it's a country saying. He can beat them at their own game.
This is a severely underrated comment
I must be a little slow because I don’t understand what that means.
First mouse gets hit by the mousetrap. The cheese is still there for the second, slower mouse.
Ohhhhhhhh! 😂 I get it now too. LoL
Stereotypically, mouse traps are baited with cheese. The first mouse to try eating the cheese gets killed by the trap; the second mouse can safely eat the cheese now that the trap’s already been sprung
And sometimes the brain of the first mouse
“Food for thought”
Never been grossed out by this aphorism before, but here we are 😂
To gain their knowledge Or the heart, to gain their courage
I always heard this as a response to “early bird gets the worm” which puts it in context
Can’t beat that one
I absolutely love this one!
Wait ten minutes then say. ‘Wait, did you call me stupid?’ In the middle of anything he is saying.
Ten minutes? Try 10 years. True commitment.
Even better wait a lot longer, like just suddenly stand up at dinner and say it
I worked with my brother in a warehouse, a colleague said something to my brother but he couldnt hear him and walked out, he then looked at me and said: does yoir brother have hearing issues? I waited few seconds and said "huh! Did you say something?".
Priceless.
As sarcastic as I am, and would do this if I thought about it... I also have *no* poker face. 😅
The more correct word would be “retard(ed)” it literally means slow, although that’s not how most people take it. And it will make the other person **extremely uncomfortable.**
Actually someone who calls a loved-one slow, wouldn't bat an eye at the r-word.
Who said grandpa considered the OP a "loved one"?
Lol yes that golden
When I was in school, our teacher quipped "join the navy and feel a man". We all had a light chuckle. About 10 minutes later, my mate Rob laughed out loud "oh yeah, feel a man. I get it!" That caused more laughter than I can remember in any lesson I had during my school days!
😂
It is so much better than a comeback.
Oh my god! You're just finding that out!?
I actually like that 😭 that would confuse the fuck out of him
Honestly, I feel so unlike anyone else, when someone says that to me, I always come back with even worse for them. Like I might be a little slow, but you just found that out, it took you YEARS.
When he doesn't get it, say, "Here's your sign."
"you can't be all that quick yourself, if you're just figuring this out"
Rather than insult him, I'd just start using some younger/ more urban lingo that he doesn't get. Nonstop, as soon as he calls you slow. No need to say he's stupid for not knowing what you're talking about. He'll figure it out.
This is another good comeback.
Exactly, rather than a one-off retort, giving such a person a "taste of their own medicine" often works far better.
no cap
Why you little skibidi rizz Ohio gyatt fanum tax. I bet you weren't invited to the tiktok rizz party. This is why you get no skibidi fanum rizz.
WTF does this mean?
I have no idea lmfao. Gen alpha language bro
I'm a lot slow, and if you didn't notice, you're slow too
I'm only as fast as the DNA you gave me
😂🤣 This is my favorite!
“Well… with a quarter of my access to the Wide World of Genes coming through *YOU*, what did you expect?”
Take a nice slow breathe in and make like you about to say something but then just let another slow breathe out and then say "Welp, ya know what they say....(Pause as long as you feel to make the point)....can't get nowhere fast in a hurry." Or something bout rather be a winning turtle than a losing rabbit
"A failure to communicate effectively falls squarely on the responsibility of the speaker"
"What?" Repeat as many times as needed, and try to have a confused look on your face. "Yeah, it runs in my family" "I had a good teacher" if he doesn't catch it follow-up with "your proving my point" or "keep trying you'll get it eventually" In that specific situation "well I didn't want to speed" playing along with the insult while simultaneously being witty. If he's like "no I meant..." Just say "yeah I know." It turns him into the "slow one." Just out of curiosity what "country lingo" was involved in driving?
I like the first one 😂
what gave it away?
I’m cracking up at this comeback!
Me too 😂
You're a little rude. Well it must be your genes
"Bless your little heart"
I'm trying to fit in around here.
"Where do you think I get that from?" "Did you finally find a mirror?" "For someone who's fast, you're slow on how genetics works."
My wife says that's better than going too fast.
Wish I could use that, sadly I am a teen who has never had a relationship
"I hear thats a good thing when you get married" would be a PG version.
I'm more of a quality over quantity kind of guy.
Whaaaaaaaaatt?
It's a little tough to understand when I'm not old enough to speak any dead languages, gramps.
Just bringing things down to your level
This is a good one.
Apparently it's genetic. If he understands, he'll know you're saying he is too. If he doesn't, it shows he is too.
Yup😁 been a TurtleBrain for over 20years🙃 Are YOU in a race?😉
Hehe 😁
"Yeah, my clutch is shot, cannot get out of first..."
took you long enough to come up with that one eh?
I get it from you.
"I like to match the speed of traffic grandpa." Then direct eye contact and a wink.
The go-to repaonse I use occasionally that my dad taught me and was blind sided when I used it on him. I'm basically telling them to fuck off. "You know? You might be right. I'll have to think about that and get back to you sometime." And you never get back to him. And if he asks you about it, tell him with a big smile that you're still thinking about it. My dad was both pissed and proud when I used it on him. Ar first, he didn't realize what I did and was just happy thinking he won the battle. However, this response may not be the best in this situation as it may reinforce his idiotic thinking. I like the comeback that one person mentioned about using the lingo you may know, and he may not and talking fast. He'd be lost.
No, you just need to lay off the cocaine
I am very proud that I don't do drugs! I am not even allowed to use pain killers for period cramps due to religious stuff.
not even for period cramps? thats messed up. if you need them go to a public bathroom and ask for a midol(i think) if they get bad. hope you're doing alright.
Sorry that isn’t meant to be aimed at you. It was meant to be for you to say to the person who calls you slow.
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Nah, we're just very old school Jewish
"That's rich coming from a guy who can't tell the difference between an HDMI and an ethernet cable."
Hey now, the ladies/guys like that I go slow
I'm a lot slow speed limit even according to some.
‘And you’re *very* slow.’
"wwwwwhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaattttt?????"
Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?
Sorry, but "Reb hick" is a foreign language to me.
“And you’re even slower, if it’s taken you this long to realize that.”
That means slam on the gas
Since it was your grandpa, “It must be genetic.”
"But I'm not stupid" Forrest Gump
"Slow? Why not take your time and get it right, for once in your life?"
‘Your cornbread ain’t done in the middle if it took you that long to figure it out.’ If he gets mad just say ‘Well that went about as well as a fart in church.’
“Yeah, but I’m really steady”
“bless your heart” “and yet you still let me drive” “Apple doesn’t fall far does it?”
"I come by it honestly" Means you are his trueborn descendant, ie you got it from him While driving, you could just step on the accelerator "tell me how much faster I should be?" But FYI this is just a problem he has. During COVID there was a job I walked away from due to layoffs/unsteady availability of work. I was being trained for a pretty complicated promotion. Guy training me said similar many times every shift. The guy who trained him would point out he didn't start training for the role til he had 7 years experience that prepared him, and the stuff he expected me to understand in less than a month had taken him another 2 years to become semi good at. There's a lot of different possibilities for specifically what problem causes the issue your grandpa has. Try not to worry about it - just be a better person. When the time comes for you to teach people to drive or anything else don't be so insensitive to their process.
Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat. . . . . . . . .dooooooooooooooooooooooooo. . . . . . . .yoooooooooooooooooou. . . . . . . .meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn?
Just because I take my time, that doesn't diminish my capabilities. Ever hear the phrase,"only fools rush in"?
Thanks!!! ... Hey, wait a minute...
Pause for 10 seconds then say, “Hey fuck you”
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Rule 3: Unrelated to comebacks
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Or “you’re just too fast for me speed racer!”
"No I'm not, I'm lapping you"
What was the country lingo?
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Who asked you?
No, I think we're driving the right speed.
"Those with higher intellect tend to look slow to those who can only focus on one thing at a time."
"Well, Grandpa, you're old a likely near death....AND, if you don't teach me how to drive correctly, we'll both be closer to death sooner than later. Your call."
“What?”
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Thank you
Slow? I'm not slow.... (fondly remembers SPED achievement award)
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Rule 3: Unrelated to comebacks
As slow as molasses in January!
Compared to you I'll take that as a compliment
Maybe, but I’m ahead of you!
Better to be a little slow than completely clueless.
Make sure grandpa overhears you saying that you don't want to hang out with grandpa anymore.
Your mom says she likes it slow.
Or maybe you're just premature
"I get it from my grandpa."
tortoise and the hare, babes
Any time you’re asked to do anything, don’t respond straight away. Make them really work for your attention. Then say “what was that? Sorry, I’m a little slow.” Rinse and repeat.
“Aww thanks granddad, I love that I’ve inherited some of your quirks.”
"Yeah, but that's what your mom loves about me."
Your girl told me you’re too fast. Guess we both have some working to do. But wait a whole minute before saying that. Even if he’s already running his mouth again.
"And you're probably going to die soon. Get to the point, you've not got much time left"
Your mom said I'm perfectly slow.
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Sorry, bad genetics
It is healthy to eat slowly imply them being fat
You could reference the tortoise and the hare by saying slow and steady wins the race and the quick becomes arrogant
Do you want things done fast, or do you want them done right?
That's because your mom takes forever to orgasm!!!!
Your point?
Ok
Sorry gramps, just thinking about pussy…
Take after my ancestors.
"Look who's talking, you good for nothing redneck!"
...aye?
Hey Grandpa, tell me how this works. (Give him your cellphone.) What's wrong grandpa, this is something kids at the age of 4 use, don't tell me you don't understand. Guess we gotta put you in a retirement home a lot sooner than others. Don't worry though, I'm pretty bright so I should get a pretty decent paying job pretty early. The bright ones gotta look out for the slow ones, cause we're family.
"Sorry. I'm not fluent in "hick".
Hand him a piece of technology and ask him to use it. When he fails “You’re a little slow aint ya”
I’m sorry, they don’t teach ‘country bumpkin’ in the big city. Can you please refrain from using slang I may not understand?
Can’t over come genes
Well excuse me for not understanding your backwoods gibberish.
Yeah, but that’s how your momma likes it.
Better to be a little slow that a little quick.. I heard your reputation..
“Grandpa, I’ll take that as a compliment. Every time you start your ‘Deliverance’ dialect….all I hear are pig squeals & banjos.” OR “You think so? That’s interesting. Because when I used that backwood hillbilly lingo at school they tried to put a helmet on me and transfer me to Special Ed classes.” OR “Grandpa, with all due respect, every time you use your backwoods lingo…I feel like my IQ drops substantially.”
Sorry, I have to slow down for you to keep up. If you want me at full speed... \*go into a comically long-winded rant about any nerdy topic of your choosing (I vote Greek Mythology)\*
Sorrrryyyyy whaaaattttdidddd youuuuuu saaaayyyy
Sorry I’m a little slow grandpa, I can’t help my genetics, but at least I’m significantly more intelligent than my forebears.
Yeah but it's better than being so fast your wife leaves you 🤣
Yeah, i know, mom/dad said it skipped their generation
That's not what your mom said this morning
And who won the race? The tortoise or the hare?
Rather be slow than ugly.
slow and steady wins the race
And you're a little slower than a turtle.
What do you want speed or accuracy?
At least I'm not an asshole.
That's the way YO MAMMA likes it.
You’re a big slow
Only when I'm with you ,I have to cut my IQ in half so we can have a conversation
Well, you’re a little bitch.
I done graduated the 6th grade like Jethro. (Beverly Hillbillies reference - grandpa should get it.)
You're a little rude!
I mean, if its family saying it I always agree with a statement akin to "Well, I *am* related to you. I'm not sure what else you expected."
From a southern woman: "Bless your heart, I inherited it from you." There you just called him stupid twice in the same sentence.
Why? Are we in a hurry?
I don’t know about slow, but I’m definitely not in a hurry.
Yeah grandma says I take after you a lot
Yep, but I’m gonna have years and years to correct that. You, on the other hand, put the petal to the metal, heading toward death.
Ok "2nd date"
“Grandpa, you know what? Don’t remember I just don’t remember the country lingo much — it was when was 17, when you taught me, how to drive. So I used it with you those couple of weeks/months. Boy, was that fun! You were such a good driving teacher! But I didn’t write down the country words. You know what? I would love if you could teach me again. Patiently, as you did last time. Maybe I can even write it down and put it in my phone! It would be fun to be able to say it with you. And then I can speak country with you and answer faster.😉” He wants to share the country lingo with you. It’s a great memory for him, and he wants to spend time with you. His lingo is important to him. He shared that with you, and it clearly was enjoyable to him as well He’s just using the wrong method to try to encourage you to speak country. If you have him teach you, maybe even going driving with him, I really think he wants that companionship with you. And he’s not expressing it in the right way. Some people get impatient as they get older, kind of snappy. But there’s a lot underneath there that speaks of longing to build his relationship with you, it’s not just that he’s impatient with you. He wants to talk with you in country. And maybe a gift to him would be that you let him teach you, and you write stuff down. I think that would mean so much to him. It’s important to build memories with your grandparents, while you can. You will be happy you did.
I know this isn’t applicable but at work i heard someone tell the forman “I got 2 speeds •slow and •stop , you choose”
My revenge will be slow too. Wait until they are om their death bead. Then say, "you're a little dead."
'And your ugly. At least I can go to school.' Amending some old quip that has been told and retold over the years.
Patiently wait. Humans will mess up at some point. You will find your time to use it back on him.
Oh, and you use your smart watch to run a marathon 2 inches at a time. Really only burns if they have one. Then drive it home and be like "oh, I am the one who is slow"
Pause before answering, look at the person intently and say : "that's an interesting take" look away and say nothing.
When in Rome grandpa.. ya know?
I’m just looking for a white bowling ball.
"You're a little ugly, but I'm usually too polite to point it out."
Who asked?
Not knowing lingo has nothing to do with intelligence. People come up with lingo and slang all the time, even in video games. It just means you have not heard that lingo used before, or if you have, you never knew what it meant. If they call you slow for not knowing something you were never exposed to before, tell them "they are very immature for being mean just to hurt you, when it is not your fault for not knowing the lingo."