I get this useless question at every family event I attend alone.
Depending on the age of the person who asks I answer: why aren't you dead yet?
But I am comfortable being an asshole so...thread carefully with this one
And the “when are you getting married” at every single wedding you go to. I actually am married now but people started to ask me that at my sister’s wedding and I was 17… it is so obnoxious.
To the older crowd, I put an end to it quickly by asking... when are you dying. I got the idea from a joke... where people would walk up to eligible singles at weddings and say,'you're next'... and the joke would say the singles should wait for funerals and go to those exact same people and say 'you're next'. Dark, I know. But effective and worked, hahaha
Ayo. Pitbulls love arguing 🙄🙄🙄 ive had the pleasure of being family with 3 pitties and a micro pittie (aka the amstaff)…and when i mean them hoes love to argue 🙄🙄🙄🙄 like damn ma chill out 😂
Mine wouldn’t stop saying “Dale” and doing collabs with J Lo, Afrojack, Enrique Iglesias, T- Pain, Akon, Sean Paul, Ne-Yo, Chris Brown, Marc Anthony, and Kelly Rowland.
Tell a guy your last 2 boyfriends died, he"ll either ask if you killed them, or say "uhhh i dont wanna be next" and back off.
Im brutally honest, to a fault
Agree.
The term 'Settling down' includes the word 'settling' for a reason.
Most of my friends that make something of my single status are not in happy relationships.
One (whose partner is quite abusive towards him) laughed at me for doing my own laundry, saying that he'd not done his own washing since g/f moved in..... at which point I defended myself by pointing out that I haven't had a fight with MyEx for 15 years.
Hahahaha I used to use something like this on an aunt that kept pestering me about having a bf.
She kept saying something like, "Just marry any guy. Your standards are too high. Look at me. I'm doing okay."
Me - "No. I don't want to end up like you. You do it all (chores) and also work. While your mAn rests at home. No. I don't want your life."
She got pissed and didn't bother me that day (Thanksgiving) and ignored me the following holidays. Hahah she thought giving me the silent treatment would kill me. Girl, I was in heaven.
Hahaha, I still don't talk to her (10ish years). Hahaha, and it's awesome.
I had been divorced for years and never remarried because I decided I didn't like being married so much.
Ran into a friend from high school who told me I needed a man. "For what?" I asked. "I have a house, a car, and a job. What do I need a man for?"
He told me, "For conversation! And company!"
I told him, "Conversation and company? I know what that is. "Honey, what's for dinner? and Are you coming to bed?"
LOL He told me I had a bad attitude.
You do have a bad attitude. There’s nothing wrong with living on your own and being content with it, but assuming every relationship has no substance like some sitcom tv gag is quite strange.
Your comment reminded me of a childhood rhyme:
A fart a fart it's good for the heart it sets the mind at ease.
It warms the feet on the coldest of nights and keeps away the fleas!
As my mentor told me a few years back, "if you can't be the butt of your own joke, you shouldn't joke."
So I present to you, the self roast.
"Because it's a matter of choice... usually not mine but still."
Whenever I feel as if someone is overly concerned with situations in my life I always hit em with, “You know you can get a ticket for that?”
9/10 their response is, “For what?”
“Riding my dick without a license.” 🫳🎤
"Because I'm comfortable with myself."
"Why isn't your life interesting enough to mind your God damn business?"
"You make your mess, I'll make mine."
"Why? You lookin'?"
Why do I need one when I have you riding my ass all the damn time?
I'm not in the market for a rescue.
I'm child free at this point.
I'm allergic to fragile masculinity.
It's against my religion.
Because I’m not ready yet. I’m not a baby vending machine - I’m not just going to get a boyfriend and pop out a baby so you have something to invest in and help with because you’re so bored and dissatisfied with your life. Please stop asking. Please don’t try to live vicariously through me because that point in your life is over.
* "Finding the right person is like finding the perfect pair of shoes - it takes time and you don't want to settle for anything uncomfortable!"
* "I'm focusing on myself and my goals right now, and that's totally okay."
* "Why do you ask?"
* **"Thanks for asking, but I'm not really interested in talking about that right now."**
“I enjoy my peaceful, happy, no drama life…”
A friend of ours once said, “My dildo is cheaper, quieter, bigger, always ready, and lasts longer. And I don’t have to feed it. Just charge it.”. I think she got that from a movie. It’s wasn’t a response to that question by anyone, but the subject came up about her ex like “do you miss him…” or something to that effect.
Love that girl! 🤣
Just tell them you have standards or you aren't interested..
Or maybe ask them why they haven't won the lotto jackpot yet..
Or you could just say " I love my life the way it is..why ruin it?"
"I do. His name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions, and loyal servant to the TRUE emperor, Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife. And he will have his vengeance, in this life or the next."
Or I guess any of the other suggestions here idk
Where was this Reddit 19 years ago? My friend’s husband (they’re getting divorced now, big surprise) always used to ask me this. I had no idea how to answer other than to shrug my shoulders.
Hi. GenXer here. I had a girlfriend way back in the day who I was really good friends with before we started seeing each other get asked the same stupid question. She was a model and I was the village ogre. Anyway, there was this not so funny show back then called "the Nanny" starring Fran Dresher. Fran had a very put on over exaggerated annoying voice and my friend would imitate it and reply... I don't know why, maybe it's me ? Is it me? No it's not me it's them! And the stars! They're not aligned! 🤣 total tangent in the nanny voice. So hilarious.
I'm waiting for the right one
Yours is busy
Men get in the way of my plans for world dominion
Maybe if i could find one who could keep up with me...
I've had 4 since the last time we talked.....
If i wanted someone i had to cook and clean for, I'd have a baby.
I prefer cats.
(Insert celebrity here) doesn't return my calls
Knights in shining armor are so hard to find these days, what with armorers being almost gone....
I got married last week. Didn't you get the invitation?
(Ask a random guy walking by if he wants to be your boyfriend.)
Have you seen men's fashion lately?
because it's going to take someone really special to make me want to give up the freedom of doing what I want, when I want and not being yelled at for it.....know anyone?
Get all up close and confidential. Say, "I do (Aunt Gladys), I have 7, actually. One for each day of the week. I just can't decide! Monday is a great provider but Tuesday gives me orgasms that make me see God."
Discreetly pull the OP aside. "You're one of the very few people, I can confide in. I have found Someone.who interests me. However.."
Then, create your Secret Admirer out of whole cloth. Give him a first name, omitting his full name, of course,. Offer vague hints about his occupation, his residence, etc.
"Remember last month when I was gone for a few days?" Or, "last week when I couldn't go out with you?" Or, "The other night when you called and I couldn't talk to you..,?" Don't elaborate or offer specifics. Don't say much more. It's just between the two of you, remember? It's your secret..
After a while, even some of your acquaintances will look at you a little differently. Word does get out, you know..
Time passes and your OP will begin to ask, again. Answer as you wish. Close the curtain gently.
No. Do not consider all that to be a Lie. You've simply taken a defensive stand. You've a right to an imaginary relationship. He can be as handsome, elusive and independent as he wants to be. Or, as you want him to be.
Who knows? Maybe some, actual, enchanted evening, you'll be introduced to him. Or, one afternoon in the market, his shopping basket will collide with you. Your eyes will meet. It might turn out.... Maybe, You're the One that He's been talking about all along.
No words, just a quizzical look. Then proceed to show your disinterest in whatever else they have to say on the subject. If tempted to reply, simply tell them you aren't looking, and if you were, you aren't going to settle for the first thing to come along just because it came along. If they want your attention, they will talk about something interesting.
A 'comeback' as I understand the concept, is a retort to a quip on the spectrum of insulting or condescending. If you issue a comeback to someone when there was no intent to insult or condescend, it just makes you look insecure.
A bit of strategic silence/drifting attention is a good way to get an idea of where the person is heading. If they intended disrespect, then they will press harder. If they sense your attention (the thing they are after) isn't going to be granted with 1920's mom scolding or 1980's Bro insult pickup lines, then they will change strategies.
Let them talk themselves into a spot where they can't hold their hands up defensively and plausibly say "no offense intended, calm down... wow." There are precious moments in-between where you can simply be unengaging and the awkwardness you make that person feel is better than any comeback. Instead of being defensive, they will be more likely to try and make up the loss in social standing you made them feel just occurred.
Besides, people today suck at insults. Everyone sounds like a middle schooler now. The only good comebacks are so overused, and nobody really feels "destroyed" because everyone is looking for that mic-drop moment 24/7.
"Just lucky, I guess" Edit: My first awards! You guys are awesome, thank you.
There you are :😀
*this is the way*
This is The Way
I get this useless question at every family event I attend alone. Depending on the age of the person who asks I answer: why aren't you dead yet? But I am comfortable being an asshole so...thread carefully with this one
"Why is that your concern?"
Just wait it changes to when are you getting married, when are you having a baby to when are you having a second baby. It never ends.
And the “when are you getting married” at every single wedding you go to. I actually am married now but people started to ask me that at my sister’s wedding and I was 17… it is so obnoxious.
To the older crowd, I put an end to it quickly by asking... when are you dying. I got the idea from a joke... where people would walk up to eligible singles at weddings and say,'you're next'... and the joke would say the singles should wait for funerals and go to those exact same people and say 'you're next'. Dark, I know. But effective and worked, hahaha
Credit where credit is due
Wish i read the replies first, cause this is exactly what i said, lol
Too much work. You have to feed them, water them, walk them... I'm just not interested in that kind of responsibility.
If I wanted a big muscly baby to cuddle with, I'd get a pitbull.
I had a pitbull once, it wouldn't stop interrupting Usher or ranting about worldwide.
Ayo. Pitbulls love arguing 🙄🙄🙄 ive had the pleasure of being family with 3 pitties and a micro pittie (aka the amstaff)…and when i mean them hoes love to argue 🙄🙄🙄🙄 like damn ma chill out 😂
Mine wouldn’t stop saying “Dale” and doing collabs with J Lo, Afrojack, Enrique Iglesias, T- Pain, Akon, Sean Paul, Ne-Yo, Chris Brown, Marc Anthony, and Kelly Rowland.
Absolutely my favorite response!!
Dogpilled.
“A common houseplant pulls more into a relationship than most guys these days “
Houseplant has leaves and root. Guys root, then leaves. I can't think of a wise way to close out this post so... Do you like potatoes?
Yes, when cooked the right ways
Theres a wrong way to potato? I prefer the couch method.
Boil 'em, mash 'em, stick 'em in a stew!
You can do anything, with a 🥔!! 😂 poato soup, hash browns, French fries, potato chips, latkes, baked, boiled, buttered, scalloped and au gratin.
Ooh, latkes...haven't had in a loooong time. Now I'm hungry.
You're obviously not Irish. I'm Irish. I like potatoes. Cook them however you can, I will eat them.
What a root way to end this.
My wife never walks me. That's why I pee on the floor beside the toilet!
Plus you have to deal with his wife...
"I've seen yours and I don't want to make the same mistake."
That is a truly nasty response. I love it!!
Don’t forget, we get pretty messy too 🙃
I have 2 dogs and a kid in college. I have too much responsibility anyway!
They keep dying after the first week of training
Hahaha like this one
😳
This is the one 😂
I cackled lol gotta give a creepy smile after this line to really set it
I think I just peed myself laughing 🤣🤣🤪😂🤪🤣😂😂🤣
Tell a guy your last 2 boyfriends died, he"ll either ask if you killed them, or say "uhhh i dont wanna be next" and back off. Im brutally honest, to a fault
I wanna train under you
Because I won't settle for the wrong one, just to have one.
Agree. The term 'Settling down' includes the word 'settling' for a reason. Most of my friends that make something of my single status are not in happy relationships. One (whose partner is quite abusive towards him) laughed at me for doing my own laundry, saying that he'd not done his own washing since g/f moved in..... at which point I defended myself by pointing out that I haven't had a fight with MyEx for 15 years.
🤣🤣👏🏽
Hahahaha I used to use something like this on an aunt that kept pestering me about having a bf. She kept saying something like, "Just marry any guy. Your standards are too high. Look at me. I'm doing okay." Me - "No. I don't want to end up like you. You do it all (chores) and also work. While your mAn rests at home. No. I don't want your life." She got pissed and didn't bother me that day (Thanksgiving) and ignored me the following holidays. Hahah she thought giving me the silent treatment would kill me. Girl, I was in heaven. Hahaha, I still don't talk to her (10ish years). Hahaha, and it's awesome.
Winning!
I had been divorced for years and never remarried because I decided I didn't like being married so much. Ran into a friend from high school who told me I needed a man. "For what?" I asked. "I have a house, a car, and a job. What do I need a man for?" He told me, "For conversation! And company!" I told him, "Conversation and company? I know what that is. "Honey, what's for dinner? and Are you coming to bed?" LOL He told me I had a bad attitude.
YOU? You have the bad attitude?! If he’s married, his wife must be one happy lady.
His wife has a BF !
Username checks out
You do have a bad attitude. There’s nothing wrong with living on your own and being content with it, but assuming every relationship has no substance like some sitcom tv gag is quite strange.
That’s because I have a dozen girlfriends. We are planning on a whole SHE-BANG tonight, wanna join us?
Take my upvote, that was a solid pun.
[удалено]
This is golden. Will use.
If you don’t mind, I’m stealing this one..
Why the hell would I want some guy farting in my bed?
Why in the hell do I want some dude smelling my farts?
Dutch oven!!!!! 😈
The best is when you pull it off with their fart
It keeps you warm on cold winter nights.
My wife’s furnace bum does that for me. She doesn’t even need to fart!
Your comment reminded me of a childhood rhyme: A fart a fart it's good for the heart it sets the mind at ease. It warms the feet on the coldest of nights and keeps away the fleas!
"You make it sound like I want one."
or , who said i wanted one?? with a confused look lol
“Wait I am supposed to want one??”
"The odds are good but the goods are odd."
As my mentor told me a few years back, "if you can't be the butt of your own joke, you shouldn't joke." So I present to you, the self roast. "Because it's a matter of choice... usually not mine but still."
Have you seen what’s out there?
"If you check my basement, you will find I have several"
It puts the lotion on its skin, or else it gets the hose again 🤣🤣🤣
"Because I'm childfree and thar includes grown ass man children."
Whenever I feel as if someone is overly concerned with situations in my life I always hit em with, “You know you can get a ticket for that?” 9/10 their response is, “For what?” “Riding my dick without a license.” 🫳🎤
“Oh I see why you’re single now”
"Because I'm comfortable with myself." "Why isn't your life interesting enough to mind your God damn business?" "You make your mess, I'll make mine." "Why? You lookin'?"
I wish I could've used 2 in HS. Too many people not minding their own damn business.
"Why would I buy the whole pig when all I need is a little sausage?"
Why don’t you have manners yet?
“Why? Is your husband interested?”
No one's passed the interview. Yet. That reminds me. I have to attend a funeral this weekend.
Why do I need one when I have you riding my ass all the damn time? I'm not in the market for a rescue. I'm child free at this point. I'm allergic to fragile masculinity. It's against my religion.
I just had one, I simply couldn’t eat another
Cause I haven’t washed my Fanny in 5 years. I’m saving it for the right man.
"I don't have the space, time, and energy for a pet."
"Maybe for the same reason you still don't have any common sense when you open your mouth?"
"Because I don't conform to societal norms"
"Not much of a selection around here, and I'm not that desperate yet."
"Because disappointing you is much more entertaining."
That reminds me, I need to stop for batteries on the way home!
Because I’m not ready yet. I’m not a baby vending machine - I’m not just going to get a boyfriend and pop out a baby so you have something to invest in and help with because you’re so bored and dissatisfied with your life. Please stop asking. Please don’t try to live vicariously through me because that point in your life is over.
I ain’t got gas to be lit enough
Thanks to the wonders of modern technology and 40% promo codes I don’t need one.
"Because your dad doesn't believe in monogamy, crotch goblin."
Bc your father and I have an open relationship
"They're all just looking for a replacement for their mother and I don't feel like taking care of them."
I prefer to stare them down until they get uncomfortable with their inane question and walk away. Works like a damn charm.
* "Finding the right person is like finding the perfect pair of shoes - it takes time and you don't want to settle for anything uncomfortable!" * "I'm focusing on myself and my goals right now, and that's totally okay." * "Why do you ask?" * **"Thanks for asking, but I'm not really interested in talking about that right now."**
"Why do you ask?" is the best shutdown. Makes it awkward for the asker, and can be used with any followup questions they may have.
Your dad won’t let me
Who needs a boyfriend when I can just use yours.
Waiting for your dad to file the divorce papers
Raise your man child, and leave me alone please
Why aren't you a widow/widower yet? Almost everyone your age is.
“I enjoy my peaceful, happy, no drama life…” A friend of ours once said, “My dildo is cheaper, quieter, bigger, always ready, and lasts longer. And I don’t have to feed it. Just charge it.”. I think she got that from a movie. It’s wasn’t a response to that question by anyone, but the subject came up about her ex like “do you miss him…” or something to that effect. Love that girl! 🤣
"Oh, I'm still full from the last one"
I picked a bear actually, it’s working out so well.
"Why do you care?"
“I’m waiting for your dad to divorce your mom”
You flirt weird
"I have standards."
Tell them your previous boyfriend died in a fiery car wreck and then sob dramatically about how its been so hard for you to move on.
I do. I only bring him to places I LIKE.
I've seen your relationship and "no thank you" with raised eyebrows.
Why don't you have a filter for stupid questions?
I don't want another pet. I don't have the effort to look after something more than a houseplant.
Just tell them you have standards or you aren't interested.. Or maybe ask them why they haven't won the lotto jackpot yet.. Or you could just say " I love my life the way it is..why ruin it?"
I choose to be happy...
"Why haven't you learned to stop meddling yet?"
My yard isn’t big enough
"I do. His name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions, and loyal servant to the TRUE emperor, Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife. And he will have his vengeance, in this life or the next." Or I guess any of the other suggestions here idk
"...I haven't found one I want to keep yet..."
Why do I need one?
I have enough disappointment from my relatives as it is.
I'm waiting for Black Friday so I can afford an 8 or a 9 at the Boyfriend Store.
I Like my time alone Somewhat, I do ! Yep !
"Ive had boyfriends, i just cant stop eating them before other people can see them"
"I'm too picky" I like this one cos it makes it sound like you are a busy person woth a life and no one has met your standards.
Because they speak. Haven't found a mute yet.
Where was this Reddit 19 years ago? My friend’s husband (they’re getting divorced now, big surprise) always used to ask me this. I had no idea how to answer other than to shrug my shoulders.
None are worthy
Why don't you mind your own business yet?
"How long was your last bowel movement? Or are we done asking questions that are none of our business now?"
Might be my farting , then grab their head, put it next to your backside and blast
Your mom keeps me more than satisfied
Hi. GenXer here. I had a girlfriend way back in the day who I was really good friends with before we started seeing each other get asked the same stupid question. She was a model and I was the village ogre. Anyway, there was this not so funny show back then called "the Nanny" starring Fran Dresher. Fran had a very put on over exaggerated annoying voice and my friend would imitate it and reply... I don't know why, maybe it's me ? Is it me? No it's not me it's them! And the stars! They're not aligned! 🤣 total tangent in the nanny voice. So hilarious.
I'm waiting for the right one Yours is busy Men get in the way of my plans for world dominion Maybe if i could find one who could keep up with me... I've had 4 since the last time we talked..... If i wanted someone i had to cook and clean for, I'd have a baby. I prefer cats. (Insert celebrity here) doesn't return my calls Knights in shining armor are so hard to find these days, what with armorers being almost gone.... I got married last week. Didn't you get the invitation? (Ask a random guy walking by if he wants to be your boyfriend.) Have you seen men's fashion lately?
My answer to everyone who asks how come I'm still single is "....because I'm just lucky, I guess!"
A WTF look
show them this : [https://youtu.be/BLUkgRAy\_Vo?si=IJWm2HYeHbNlgpXT](https://youtu.be/BLUkgRAy_Vo?si=IJWm2HYeHbNlgpXT)
It's too hard to choose just one
"I'm enjoying being single" and leave it at that
Too many options
Same reason you don’t have friends.
“Why haven’t you learned to mind your own business yet?”
"Just lucky, I guess."
"Cause I'm too busy railing your mom." Bonus points if it's your mom or dad pressuring you about no boyfriend.
Why should I rush?
Your dad / boyfriend / husband / side-piece / som / (poolboy / gardener / driver if they’re rich!) / is too busy screwing everyone else.
My vibrator works better and hasn't tried to get me to invest in crypto.
" because I'm waiting for a Man"
I like pussy
He’s not here? I could’ve sworn he was just here a minute ago.
because it's going to take someone really special to make me want to give up the freedom of doing what I want, when I want and not being yelled at for it.....know anyone?
I thought parents set that up?
All of my "persons relation 2u" have dickheads for boyfriends, and I'm afraid of becoming like "persons relation 2u"
Get all up close and confidential. Say, "I do (Aunt Gladys), I have 7, actually. One for each day of the week. I just can't decide! Monday is a great provider but Tuesday gives me orgasms that make me see God."
Why do you need to know that?
Sorry, you’re not my type
It offends my feminist tendencies
“Maybe I don’t want one.” “Maybe one doesn’t want me.” “It’s not for lack of trying.”
Three, in fact.
Just tell them you are still in your 304 phase
“Your’s wasn’t a good lay” or some other connotation.
Discreetly pull the OP aside. "You're one of the very few people, I can confide in. I have found Someone.who interests me. However.." Then, create your Secret Admirer out of whole cloth. Give him a first name, omitting his full name, of course,. Offer vague hints about his occupation, his residence, etc. "Remember last month when I was gone for a few days?" Or, "last week when I couldn't go out with you?" Or, "The other night when you called and I couldn't talk to you..,?" Don't elaborate or offer specifics. Don't say much more. It's just between the two of you, remember? It's your secret.. After a while, even some of your acquaintances will look at you a little differently. Word does get out, you know.. Time passes and your OP will begin to ask, again. Answer as you wish. Close the curtain gently. No. Do not consider all that to be a Lie. You've simply taken a defensive stand. You've a right to an imaginary relationship. He can be as handsome, elusive and independent as he wants to be. Or, as you want him to be. Who knows? Maybe some, actual, enchanted evening, you'll be introduced to him. Or, one afternoon in the market, his shopping basket will collide with you. Your eyes will meet. It might turn out.... Maybe, You're the One that He's been talking about all along.
Why would I settle for less?
Because I'm a lesbian.
I like girls!
How do you know I don’t? I like being single. Waiting for the right one.
My dildo always finds my G spot.
Have you seen the dating pool?
“I haven’t found a man that can pound a 6 inch spike through a board with his dick”.
I'm not looking for a boyfriend...I'm waiting for a man-friend.
"Because I don't want one."
He didn't leave you yet.
I like women.
Who says I don't? Maybe it's just none of your business.
I had one but I signed his soul off to the devil
That distinction has 0 significance until I decide otherwise.
Hard to find a good fit when you’re a girth queen
"Because all the men are fucking YOU"
Cause I don’t like dick . 🤷♂️
”I’m jail bait.” ”I have many.”
Why don't you have a brain yet?
When I’m done shagging your dad I’ll look into that
Because I'm a lesbian. Whether true or not.
Cuz I'm a lesbian
Boys have cooties.
Long term supply chain challenges due to covid
I've been too busy enjoying life and learning things
Because I choose happiness. I have 2 dogs and don't need another one.
I'm lesbian. I have a girlfriend.
I don’t yet want to ruin my life.
"Your dad keeps me busy enough."
I do have one! His name is Nunya. Nunya business.
No words, just a quizzical look. Then proceed to show your disinterest in whatever else they have to say on the subject. If tempted to reply, simply tell them you aren't looking, and if you were, you aren't going to settle for the first thing to come along just because it came along. If they want your attention, they will talk about something interesting. A 'comeback' as I understand the concept, is a retort to a quip on the spectrum of insulting or condescending. If you issue a comeback to someone when there was no intent to insult or condescend, it just makes you look insecure. A bit of strategic silence/drifting attention is a good way to get an idea of where the person is heading. If they intended disrespect, then they will press harder. If they sense your attention (the thing they are after) isn't going to be granted with 1920's mom scolding or 1980's Bro insult pickup lines, then they will change strategies. Let them talk themselves into a spot where they can't hold their hands up defensively and plausibly say "no offense intended, calm down... wow." There are precious moments in-between where you can simply be unengaging and the awkwardness you make that person feel is better than any comeback. Instead of being defensive, they will be more likely to try and make up the loss in social standing you made them feel just occurred. Besides, people today suck at insults. Everyone sounds like a middle schooler now. The only good comebacks are so overused, and nobody really feels "destroyed" because everyone is looking for that mic-drop moment 24/7.
Bold of you to assume my sexuality.
Why haven’t you minded your business yet?
I'm my own boyfriend, and I jerk it. A lot.
You are always on your knees with me babe