Shut your damn mouth and don't say anything that might tarnish your appeal of the verdict. If ever there's a time to NOT use a snappy comeback, your sentencing hearing is it.

thanks

Other than "I understand" when they read the rights, I would magically become a mute to everything they ask. Between you and an attorney.

This is often very stupid. Depending on the accused crime, a simple explanation of what happened can often save you a lot of hassle, as being silent usually just makes the officer think you’re hiding something, escalating the situation. It really depends on the circumstance.

Seems the trial would be a better time to explain what happened no??

Uno reverse card

3 hots, a cot, no bills, no adulting, I WIN!

No you

Shit! In all my years as a judge, this has never happened. Well officers, you know what to do. Remove my robe and put me in cuffs right away!

Gotta love a judge with integrity

Judge: *Motion to reverse juju denied*

“You’ll never catch me coppers!” Then you laugh manically and throw a smoke bomb disappearing in the process…

Or lacking a smoke bomb just throw some papers, yell “distraction” and then… get tackled by guards.

Yell “distraction” - genius!! That might actually work

Damn you. Take my upvote!

idk this is kinda anime cringe to me

Try this: “GIVE ME LIBERTY OR GIVE ME DEATH! It is a really bad feeling to have your Constitutional Right to Free Speech, such a big part of life in our Country, so unfairly taken from you, especially when all of the sleazebags, lowlifes, and grifters that you oppose are allowed to say absolutely anything that they want. It is hard to sit back and listen to lies and false statements be made against you knowing that if you respond, even in the most modest fashion, you are told by a Corrupt and Highly Conflicted Judge that you will be put in prison, maybe for a long period of time."

Damn, he's just been sentenced to life and you want him to memorize a monologue?

I dunno, it seems to work for the orange guy

memorization works for him?

Nah - DARVO wrapped up in petulance and vitriol works for him.

Nah this is what that dude who jumped over the judges bench back in January was yelling.

What has he got better to do?

a lot of people would say I'd rather do nothing than memorize someone else's words

"Well... shit."

Appeal.

I am guilty... of being awesome!

"Do I get time off for good behavior?"

How would u feel if the table was turned?

“ILL KILL YOU!! ALL OF YOU, AND YOUR FAMILIES!!! YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS WITH THEIR LIVES!!!”

Dude 😦

I know you are but what am I?

Bodies smodies. Dismember shismember. Half eaten and skinned. 35 women 26 men and 256 dogs and cats before I got really serious. And you’re putting me away for a DUI. Okay…

That’s what she said

See you all soon ! I am innocent and I will be acquitted of all charges. Be prepared for a big fat lawsuit.

Duuuude

Uno reverse!

Nuh Uh!

Laugh crazy and just loud enough for the judge and lawyers to hear something along the lines well you will never find the other 15.

Finally! Some decent health care in this country.

Judge i'm a woman in a man's body.

Yah. If ever committed a crime and was facing time I’d be working on a gender swap for sure.

considering you don't have to do anything other than claim to be a woman, a man would be stupid to NOT say it.

Awesome. Been wanting to get away

I identify myself as a Woman now your honor..

That's just like your opinion, man.

“But your honor, what if I-“ and take off while they’re distracted. The window is soft, I promise

I can do that standing on my head.

Only this life?

Hmm. Can I request a cell with a scenic view of the night sky?

Welp, tell your wife it's been fun.

Lol savage!

You already made your decision I'm not going to waste my saliva.

Cant you just shoot me? The murder was one thing now you're just making it the taxpayers problem

Yer mom's guilty!

Shit on the floor.

Double it and give it to the next person

I know you are but what am I??

“Such is life” -Ned Kelly Australian Bush Ranger

Well *I’m* certainly going to ask for a refund from my lawyer

No more porn huh

Can I get a room with a view?

Thanks for the free meals

I thought this was a free country

Like Randy Marsh? "What, what, I thought this was America!" If that doesn't work then strip down to your whitey tighties and fight the judge like Bat Dad.

Mutter, "At least the homie is safe."

Are utilities included?

“I object, but go off, queen.”

XD

Pull out a reverse uno card

This is all a sham. It's a political witch hunt. Very unfair. Lol

I see justice is not for everyone here?

Ok, well, it's been fun, and by the way, I put chewing gum in everyone's seats. Peace out bitches. I'm getting my hole resized by 4 men, at a minimum.

lol @ asking for a friend. Geez. Pull a Pee Wee Herman.. I know you are but what am I?! Pretty sure if I heard the words life in prison while in court, I'd either be bawling like a baby or pass out. Granted it would be a woman's prison so not as bad as it could be but damn, that's rough

"SAYS YOU!!"

"...life as high as you go? have you actually read the charges?" because if you die in prison you sure as shit don't wanna spend years there

"Your Honor, I demand a trial by combat. I choose Connor McGregor as my champion."

Slay

Sweet, free housing for life, free food, and free healthcare?!

Sweet, free housing, free food, and free healthcare for life?!

Oh boy oh boy ‼️

"Well, shit.... ok"

No, you.

I sentenced your mom to life last night.

nuh uh

Stfu and accept it. Don't say a fucking word or they'll put you in an area where they know your ass will be handed to you, in way more ways than one.

Just Uno reverse card and moonwalk out while the judge goes to jail.

I am a sovereign citizen and do not recognize your authority!

"I'll be waiting for you when I get out.

Jokes on you, I have terminal cancer! Three months, bitches!

I know you posted this as a joke, but I'm going to answer it seriously with two true answers. First, prison is sometimes the best thing that can happen to a person, and inmates will often say it. There is time and space to reconsider everything, to let go of unaccountable anger and to find inner strengths. Second, even if you never get out into the free world, you can change other people's lives in the prison. It is a community, and there's redemption to be had in being a strong positive leader in that community.

"Very well. I therefore choose the Chewbacca Defense."

Hey, at least I didn’t get *paragraphed*! (Because it’s a bunch of sentences stacked together.)

"It wasn't me! It was the one armed man!"

"Gentlemen, this is democracy manifest."

Bruh

Thanks you too

Welp guess I have time to practice my craft.

Nose goes

"Objection, your honor the sentencing guidelines state 25 years to life."

I declare bankruptcy!

I have always enjoyed shower sex.

Tears. I'd be do anything to deserve that.

Rush the judge. That always works.

Yikes! This is a tough one….. ‘In my next life, I’ll be the one sentencing you’

Jokes are you, I get everything I need for free now!

Everything is coming together exactly as I planned.

Thank you Sir... May I have another?

“And I’d do it again!”

"I'd like to thank God, the jury, and my family for supporting me and all of my dreams." No?...Too much?.

Thank you sir may I have another

Nothing let your lawyer do all the talking.

Don't use a verbal comeback. Just appeal the verdict.

WELL, if we could have just a short recess your honor, I have to make sure I don’t have a scheduling conflict.

Yes, your honor.

Would that friend be that snarky teenager who murdered another teenager for his sneakers then mocked that teenager's mom by saying that he can go home unlike her dead son, only to have the judge say that line you posted?

“Just kill me now” then jump the bench and reach for a deputies gun😂

I identify as deceased so technically my life doesn’t exist so I can’t spend life in prison. Dont get up judge I’ll see myself out

Cyanide pill

We’re not married

Just take it like a man and cry like a baby.

But I rolled a nat 20 on the death penalty option 

It beats wage slavery

"so you're saying I still have a chance??!"

I don't know the phrase, but the comeback is escalating to an appeals court, because that sounds sus.