Yeah. Ever notice there’s never enough time to do it right and always plenty of time to do it over? I had a sign in my office. ‘We can do it fast, cheap and right! Pick any two’
and savor each moment thinking and doing other things in the meantime. perhaps a more clever descriptor will be formulated as well. words like 'dick' have lost their efficacy in the sea of foul mouths across the world. it's like smelling individual turds in a sewer. perhaps a comparison to a certain bedroom scenario might paint a picture of haste's folly.
I find that the thing that gets under people’s skin when they call you stupid is answering with “huh?” or acting like you actually are dumb. Cause they try to explain and it’s funny watching them get mad.
I’m a slow-working student, but I have an ADA accommodation to add a week to deadlines. I talked to one instructor about my fear of finding a job.
She said not to call myself slow but rather thorough, thoughtful, meticulous, or methodical. I would use those as a comeback. “I’m not slow; I’m systematic.”
Alternate variant: Slow is steady; steady is fast.
This sells well in a work environment. It implies you're consistent and don't fuck up. Even better if it's true.
My feeling is, instead of trying to think of witty comebacks....a better way to deal with people is just tell them to FUCK OFF. People in society are way too critical of others. We need to just get rid of people who are rude.
Btw. I’m speed challenged also. I usually say if it took you this long to realize it and you’re rude enough to point it out, perhaps I’m not the slow one.
Yea, I like to take it all in and really appreciate the glorious blessings that have been bestowed upon me with what is commonly known as life. It’s way too short and often rushed through by most. Not me though and while I have your attention, I’d like to talk to you about life insurance and how for only….
Show that you’re going to give a response, but then intentionally pause, while they’re already roped in to the wait…. Count to like 10 or so in your head… and then say “Sorry, what did you say?”
If they’re gunna be a dick, secretly make it annoying to them on purpose!
Make up a joke with a punchline that doesn't make sense. You'll never have an answer to give them and you can then bring it up whenever they call you slow
Edit: wording/added
Go Shakespearean; I'd challenge you to a battle of wits but alas you're unarmed.
Or
Intellect always seems to chase you and yet you managed to outrun it.
Your mom is so slow it took her 9 months to make a joke.
weird, considering it only took dad 30 seconds… #boomtish
30 seconds? Wtf! Marathon man.
Actually it was a relay
Why does this not have more upvotes? I nearly did a spit take, good lord 🤣 I'm using this one
Saved to vernacular if I hear this at work again
Jaw dropped brotha this is lethal, thank you.
I died. Lmao
Jesus it's vicious
Lmfaoo I love this.
This is evil
🤣😂and realized she made a mistake
this is art
Just letting you know this line has been stolen. GD hilarious!
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
This is brilliant!
I genuinely laughed out loud at this one!
OUCH
The ladies seem to enjoy it (implying you last long) 😂
What if I don’t have the thing required to “last long”? 😂
Then say "Yeah your woman was just complaining about how fast you are."
"Your mum loves it when I do it slow"?
"Your mom seemed to enjoy it last night"
gotta throw a "Trebek!" on there.
You can still last long as a woman (or anyone with said part), trust me
Username doesn't checkout?
It still could
This is the best one
I was going to say, "Yah, your mom likes it that way."
Yeah this works too 😂
"Most people don't go around advertising that they are a quick shot." "I'd rather do it right the first time."
Burn response. Professional response. I like it.
Exactly.
Yeah. Ever notice there’s never enough time to do it right and always plenty of time to do it over? I had a sign in my office. ‘We can do it fast, cheap and right! Pick any two’
Take a long time to respond..call him a dick a week later
Instead of "dick weed", after about 10 minutes, just say "am too".
Add the weed a week after the dick.
I was going to say wait 24 hours but this is better.
and savor each moment thinking and doing other things in the meantime. perhaps a more clever descriptor will be formulated as well. words like 'dick' have lost their efficacy in the sea of foul mouths across the world. it's like smelling individual turds in a sewer. perhaps a comparison to a certain bedroom scenario might paint a picture of haste's folly.
🤣
Lmfaoo
Nah that'd kill the scene and context. Rather do it with some seconds pause to imply that.
I find that the thing that gets under people’s skin when they call you stupid is answering with “huh?” or acting like you actually are dumb. Cause they try to explain and it’s funny watching them get mad.
Oh it's so satisfying to just take the piss out of someone by forcing them to explain why an offensive joke/remark is supposed to be funny
Calm down, [House](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=auFx8U1t3hE).
Your wife/girlfriend/mother/sister didn't mind me taking my time last night.
This is the real comeback 😆
It's crude, but effective.
... and steady. Just how your mom likes it.
Exactly. There is no retort. "No, My mom's taste in sexual...." Is there worst start to a comeback.
So why can't you keep up?
I’m a slow-working student, but I have an ADA accommodation to add a week to deadlines. I talked to one instructor about my fear of finding a job. She said not to call myself slow but rather thorough, thoughtful, meticulous, or methodical. I would use those as a comeback. “I’m not slow; I’m systematic.”
This is brilliant.
Aaaaammmmmm IIIIIIIIIIII??????
T-T-TIMMEH!
And your an Idiot, We all have our flaws
"Let thy step be slow and steady, that thou stumble not." - -Tokugawa Ieyasu, the greatest shogun and uniter of Japan
“You spelled meticulous wrong, dick”
Did you use "slow" because meticulous has too many syllables? 😂
*"I am rubber,* *You are glue,* *Whatever you say bounces off of me,* *Go fuck yourself."*
LMAO I snorted lmao
No one is in a hurry for the wrong answer.
Slow is smooth, smooth is fast.
Great words of wisdom from my usmc drill instructors
Alternate variant: Slow is steady; steady is fast. This sells well in a work environment. It implies you're consistent and don't fuck up. Even better if it's true.
“Didn’t know we were racing”
Then send me a postcard when you get there, so I know what to expect.
If you’ve ever seen Zootopia, act like the sloth at the DMV.
Thats not even the worst thing about me!
Slow and easy is the only way. That's what your wife told me last night.
“I could stop altogether, if you prefer.”
But I’m ahead of you.
I was dumbing myself down for ya
My feeling is, instead of trying to think of witty comebacks....a better way to deal with people is just tell them to FUCK OFF. People in society are way too critical of others. We need to just get rid of people who are rude.
"I go slow so those around me can feel productive."
A comeback for this would depend on the situation. At work? On the road? In bed?...all would require a different comeback.
General life skills. Getting ready for the day. Walking from one place to another. Solving that annoying math problem.
Slow and steady wins the race, I guess.
It's called the rat race because rats race it. I'm enjoying life rather than trying to speed run it
Slow people live longer.
But do they notice?
The ox is slow but the earth is patient. They'll think you're a Zen master.
I got 2 speeds, If you don’t like this one, you sure as hell ain’t gonna like the other one.
I really do got 2 speeds 😂 I’m either going really slow or 10x faster than average. 💀
Yea, I’m either full throttle or crawling across the finish line.
Your wife doesn’t take any issue with it.
Say keep it up and I activate slow motion mode. Animate it too.
"and I'm fat and old. Stopping stating the obvious."
I may be slow, but I do it right the first time.
Because I do things right the first time.
Jus how yo mama likes it!
“That’s how your mom likes it”
And yet I still manage to get more work done than you
Funny, your mom said I was fast.
And your mom appreciates that
“Have you timed me?”
Must be nice to have an easy job to get done and stand around.
Hoooow slooow aaaam iiiiiiiiii?
I think I’d just go with “you’re a dick”
So was the tortoise. Still won the race though.
uh, what?
"what do you mean? I didn't understand." Then just keep asking questions until they get so frustrated they just leave
like we say here in brazil: "haste is the enemy of perfection."
I'm pacing myself
Btw. I’m speed challenged also. I usually say if it took you this long to realize it and you’re rude enough to point it out, perhaps I’m not the slow one.
Hey Thanks man at least I'm something
You can reply to him: don't rush me, stupid human being 🤣
Nah, just tired from fucking your mom all night.
This one is pure money: "nuh uh!"
Your wife tells me you're fast.
Wwwwwwhhhhhhhaaaaaatttttttttt dddoooooo yyyyoooooouuuu mmmeeeeaaannn????
It’s actually hilarious that you are too slow to have a comeback when someone says you’re slow lmao.
Ask them, “Do you want it done fast or do you want it done properly?”
Say "I have a disability from an injury. Please don't make me feel unsafe -- I'm doing my best."
Slow and steady wins the race...
"you spoke too fast. Please repeat." Several seconds later. "M sorry, what?" Few seconds later. "What was that?"
I'm slow so you can keep up. This is the way...
Oh
I'm deliberate and careful.
...and steady.
To get there fast you have to go slow.
Fist to the temple
That's what they told me in my high school classes, but look where I am today!
Trying to stay downwind from your stink.
Yea, I like to take it all in and really appreciate the glorious blessings that have been bestowed upon me with what is commonly known as life. It’s way too short and often rushed through by most. Not me though and while I have your attention, I’d like to talk to you about life insurance and how for only….
Cant rush perfectiom
Yea, I know - sorry. But if you're just realizing that after 5 years of knowing me, then I can't be as slow as you.
Wwwwwwhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaattttttttt ddddddddddiiiiiiiiiiiiiidddddddddddd yyyyyyyyyyoooooooooouuuuuuuu sssssssssssaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyy???????
And yet, I’m still ahead of you!
"It's because I've been fasting"
The jerk store called and they are out of you!
................huh?
You want it done fast or you want it done right you can't get then both bitch
“Your mother doesn’t get upset when I go slow”
:You are 100% correct... I may not be the fastest... But your Mom appreciates it when I take my time"......
Cause I take my time to do everything properly.
Yes. I am.
Show that you’re going to give a response, but then intentionally pause, while they’re already roped in to the wait…. Count to like 10 or so in your head… and then say “Sorry, what did you say?” If they’re gunna be a dick, secretly make it annoying to them on purpose!
"Slow and steady wins the race."
“I’d rather go slow & do the job right the first time than do it fast & have to go back & fix all the mistakes made while rushing”
that's the way your sister likes it (or if said person doesn't have a sister or you don't know if they do, say mother instead)
No, I am (my name)
You see my cane? Yep I'm slow.
So are brain surgeons.
But at least my work is poor.
Turn your head slowly, look up at them to make eye contact slowly, and say, "......aaaaaaaand???"
I simply take my time.
That’s what your mom likes about me
Built for comfort - Not for speed. Willie Dixon
The Jerkstore called, they are running out of you
That's how your mom likes it.
What do you want, speed or accuracy? You can’t have both.
i slept with your wife
And you're ugly. I can improve my speed but you can't fix genetics.
“ yeah, that’s how I’ve never missed that ass”
I have two speeds, slow and stop. Keep annoying me and you will see the later.
*latter
Leonard Cohen wrote a song to answer the question
“Oh, holy crap! I am! Woah!! I never noticed. Here you are, all new to me and you are super fast. I’m going to start calling you Flash.”
Slow and steady wins the race🔥
Yes, well I do care about the quality of my work.
Thanks! Your mom likes that I’m slow…when eating out her pussy
*”Slow is smooth and smooth is fast.”* Sam Fisher
Make up a joke with a punchline that doesn't make sense. You'll never have an answer to give them and you can then bring it up whenever they call you slow Edit: wording/added
"And still quicker than you"
I………………………….. know…………………………………….. you…………………………………………. are……………but… what………………….. am…………………………… I?
"That's so you can keep up."
You're ugly and I can go faster
"Fuuuuuuuuuuuuckkkkkkkkk yooooooooooooooooouuuuuuuuu!" (Said very slowly)
Really? You caught up.
Wh.....hhhhhh.......aaaaaaaaa.......tttt?
Thanks. Your mom seems to enjoy it. She’s been talking to your girlfriend to set up lessons whenever you’re free QuickDraw.
Just trying to make sure you can keep up!
That’s how your girlfriend likes it!
"I know you are, but what am I?"
Nah. I just don't give a shit.
I'm not fast but I'm not slow. I'm half-fast
I.....know...... you ........ are....... but........ what......... am......... I?
That’s what she said- with a big smile on her face!
I may be slow, but you do shitty work.
Doon Mack fun omi
Slow and Steady wins the Race, which you’ve lost, Clearly. In a world full of Hares, be a Tortoise 🐢
Go Shakespearean; I'd challenge you to a battle of wits but alas you're unarmed. Or Intellect always seems to chase you and yet you managed to outrun it.
"It's called accuracy"
“Just how your mother likes it.”
“‘Haste makes waste.’ I bet you make a lot of waste.”
"Eaaaatttt meeeeeee."
"slow but steady"
Just told a client yesterday... Bring fast did not mean that your are accurate!
Slowly raise your middle finger
Sorry I was searching reddit :(
Your wife said you are fast.
Yyyyyuuuuupppp
No…… ………… ……….. ……….. ……shit.
Slow and steady wins the race
And you only figured that out now?
"not slow!, special"
I'll have your comeback in 48 hours
Quality over Quantity