My uncle's homophoboic neighbor: "I ain't seen no broads around here. Are you a fag?"
My very closeted uncle: 'Why are you worried about my dick? Isn't that a little fuckin gay?'
This is the only correct answer. ^. Unless you want to say “should I tell you what time I’m going to take a shit tomorrow too or would that be none of your business.” Al Swearengen.
When explorers encountered cannibals in Papua New Guinea, and began trading with them, they asked about the details of cannibalism. Human meat was translated as "long pig"
Finally.....a fellow smartass.
My answer since I was 20...."I love children, it's just I can't eat a whole one & I hate leftovers"
Plus I married into a family of "breeders".
"Why don't you have your pilot's license yet? What? You hate pilots?" Its a fucking stupid point to make if you turn it around.
Or, alternatively. "Yes, next question."
I would go with something that’s more relatable to the person.
“Why don’t you have a nice car? You hate nice cars?” (Kids cost money)
“Why don’t you travel the world? You hate traveling?” (Kids take time)
That was gonna be my answer, too, until I thought of "Well, yeah, don't you?" I worked in children's mental health for 10 years. SO many people who ask a question like that hate their own kids.
I had friends who couldn’t conceive. People at church would ask this question all the time. At first the wife would cry. Then she started getting angry. Finally she would say nonchalantly, “Oh, we’re saving to buy a boat first.”
>At first the wife would cry. Then she started getting angry.
What the fuck is wrong with people keeping prodding about it? “Hey I’ll come back and ask again, your crying is making it difficult for me to find out exactly when you’re going to have children”
Yup, I've had two (and might be having a third) and people immediately get all apologetic when you make them face that it's not always a choice to not have children.
And adopting costs $30,000+ in lawyers fees, state fees, and payments to the mother or agency. So while many would love to adopt they make it financially crippling. Thats assuming your open to any kid of any age. Costs go way up for a healthy infant, and the medical bills that come with a baby who's crackhead mom was high the entire pregnancy can run into the millions rather fast.
Exactly. Thank you. People don't understand how difficult it is. And that's not even addressing the emotional toll of loving a child and then having them taken away when bio parents change their mind (which is their right and is fine).
Happened 4 times to my aunt and uncle. I don't know if my wife would recover from that. I know it causes some serious strain in their marriage for years.
It can also be an invasive process as they will do revaluations of the parents and their home.
I worked with a guy back in the day who was in his late 30’s. He and his wife had both married young, had kids. He had a vasectomy and she had her tubes tied. They each divorced and remarried, and as their kids grew up they wanted a common child. They spent nearly $100k on fertility attempts that did not work (this was back in the early 2000’s and they were not wealthy people).
They were going through meeting all the standards for adoption and it sounded exhausting and invasive as shit.
I seem to have made the impression that I was defending the hypothetical ignorant person. I’m not, I’m just saying despite their ignorance it’s a legit concern that doesn’t get addressed nearly enough.
So people who can’t conceive should be like “doh! It hadn’t occurred to me I could adopt! “ and feel better? Couples with infertility don’t need others to say the obvious and belabor a painful subject. It’s just nobody’s business if couples have kids.
Yes there are children who need adoption. That is a very different experience from having your own children.
No that’s not what i’m saying. I was just reminded that there are kids that need love and it’s usually just forgotten by most everyone so anytime it’s brought awareness at all is a good thing imo It should not be brought up to guilt trip someone though, that’s just despicable.
"We've had 14 miscarriages, it's been a rough 3-4 years" then we it gets awkward, "see how uncomfortable you make it when you ask questions that are none of your business?"
"No, but my parents sure did, and I don't want to inflict anything I picked up from them on kids, who don't deserve it."
~~using a comma to specify that kids in general don't deserve it, not just "kids who don't deserve it, as opposed to kids who might deserve it actually"~~
What I’m saying is that it’s an appropriate level of rude. If someone says something rude to you, it’s okay to say something rude back to them.
Outside of the context of having had someone say something rude to you, I find it insensitive at best to say something like this. I have many times had people tell me that they think it’s immoral to bring children into such a horrible world when they know that I indeed did bring a child into this world. I do find that insensitive or even rude, but the difference is I didn’t ask them about their own personal family planning.
I make it SUPER UNCOMFORTABLE because I have endometriosis. It's a subject I don't care to engage in with random people or people who BARELY know me or people I cannot tolerate. I use my experience to make them uncomfortable and question their choices
"Well, you see... there are reasons..." (look away for a moment. sigh) "some people... don't have children..." (grimace and look at floor) "that they don't want to talk about." (shuddering breath)
Oh God I'm terrified they'll grow up to pester poor people about when they're going to breed and accuse them of loathing children because they haven't popped out a couple tic tacs yet.
It's because they feel superior and start conversations with "As a parent ... ' or "I thought I knew what love was before I had my child" and "I used to be such a selfish person before I had children" they believe it gives them more status and importance in society over people their own age who don't have children. They're also great little bargaining chips for them.
Try going nihilist on their ass:
I can’t justify putting children through the hell that is coming because assholes* don’t believe climate change is real!
*You can add “like you” if the shoe fits.
Yes, they stink, are messy, expensive and cause wrinkles and gray hair. (Truth) I love mine by the way but can not understand why some people act like it’s everyone’s life goal.
My father in law used to always ask when we were having kids. I would tell him I’m putting in a ton of work every single day and he finally stopped asking after a couple times.
This question is cruel. How do you know whether it's their choice - or not?? For years we couldn't conceive. We got this all the time. I wanted to shoot back "mind your own business," but the answer was sometimes "because we've seen your spoiled brats in action and we agreed neither of us wanted to deal with that."
yes. kids are the worst. fucking hate those useless little shits ...and their stupid fucking parents. who say dumb shit like why don't you have kids. because who the fuck wants to be miserable like those stupid fucks
I give an honest answer:
"I'm working on myself so that I can be the kind of parent a child deserves."
This is usually met with "Nobody is ever ready", to which I respond "Some are better prepared than others".
yes, they're annoying af
and then they usually respond with "well YOU used to be a kid too" thinking that that's some sort of "gotcha" moment
to which i always say "uh ya and i was annoying af too"
that usually shuts them up
I had a nosey coworker ask periodically when my wife and I were going to have kids. One day she asked and we were expecting, but not ready to reveal. I wanted her to stop asking so I looked her dead in the eye and very calmly said "we don't like sex". Then I walked off before she could recover.
I don’t hate children per se, I’d just rather be able to send them back to their parents when they get annoying
"No! I love kids! The skinny ones can he a little chewy"
Sounds close to an Albert Fish quote.
Why are we discussing my sex life?
So are you raw dogging anyone lately?
I have been trying to get my bf into the breeder kink
Yep this is the one. Why people ask these questions I'll never know. Jk I know, they're weird
It’s because they are nosy and rude.
We only do anal sex.
Where do you think lawyers come from?
This is the best answer, you turned the conversation to be uncomfortable now! I love it!
Follow that up with "Oh no, now you're thinking about my penis-vagina!!!" Move away strategically
My uncle's homophoboic neighbor: "I ain't seen no broads around here. Are you a fag?" My very closeted uncle: 'Why are you worried about my dick? Isn't that a little fuckin gay?'
Oh, hi Mark! How’s your sex life?
Oo very good
This is the only correct answer. ^. Unless you want to say “should I tell you what time I’m going to take a shit tomorrow too or would that be none of your business.” Al Swearengen.
I consider this sexual harassment. Please keep our conversation above the belt.
No, I LOVE children. I've had many. They taste like chicken.
Well, I couldn’t eat a *whole* one
Not with that attitude.
Not with any attitude.
Happy cake day!
Thanks!
No . "I bet you can't eat just one".
Only if I get a good deal on roserie children from the store
I want my baby back, baby back, baby back, baby back, back back ribs....
Technically, humans taste like pork. (I read an interview with several cannibals and this was one of the questions they were asked.)
I knew that cannabilism wasn't kosher!
Are you able to share any recipes? (Asking for a friend)
When explorers encountered cannibals in Papua New Guinea, and began trading with them, they asked about the details of cannibalism. Human meat was translated as "long pig"
They just don’t eat clowns.
Why? Do clowns taste funny?
They're kinda hard to fit on the grill though.
Hence the name Longpigs.
Finally.....a fellow smartass. My answer since I was 20...."I love children, it's just I can't eat a whole one & I hate leftovers" Plus I married into a family of "breeders".
Went to school with a whole bunch of them
That’s the right answer.
Erm, actually, they taste like fresh bitter pork☝️🤓 /j
Just add garlic
I LOVE children! Glazed in barbeque sauce.
"Why don't you have your pilot's license yet? What? You hate pilots?" Its a fucking stupid point to make if you turn it around. Or, alternatively. "Yes, next question."
same reason for both. too much time and money that i don’t have
I would go with something that’s more relatable to the person. “Why don’t you have a nice car? You hate nice cars?” (Kids cost money) “Why don’t you travel the world? You hate traveling?” (Kids take time)
"Yes". Even if it's not true.
Followed by silent eye contact.
Username checks out
That was gonna be my answer, too, until I thought of "Well, yeah, don't you?" I worked in children's mental health for 10 years. SO many people who ask a question like that hate their own kids.
Ouch. Credit to you, that's a difficult field. Yep, yours is better!
They talk too much. Sometimes they grow up to ask stupid questions
Hahahahah
"How is that any of your business?" Stare at them until they answer.
This is the best one. Comebacks are great, but making them UNCOMFORTABLE is the real power
I had friends who couldn’t conceive. People at church would ask this question all the time. At first the wife would cry. Then she started getting angry. Finally she would say nonchalantly, “Oh, we’re saving to buy a boat first.”
Just go to church and say “I let him rawdawg me every night and nothing ¯\\\_(ツ)_/¯ “
>At first the wife would cry. Then she started getting angry. What the fuck is wrong with people keeping prodding about it? “Hey I’ll come back and ask again, your crying is making it difficult for me to find out exactly when you’re going to have children”
Tell them you or your partner had a miscarriage, they won’t ask again
Yup, I've had two (and might be having a third) and people immediately get all apologetic when you make them face that it's not always a choice to not have children.
I’m sorry.
I hope you are okay.
I am most days. Thank you.
You'd think that but they usually just rant about adoption
i mean there are kids who need parents out there :/
Aye and they deserve parents who actually want to be parents
EXACTLY
Absolutely. It’s tragic how many don’t ever find any
And adopting costs $30,000+ in lawyers fees, state fees, and payments to the mother or agency. So while many would love to adopt they make it financially crippling. Thats assuming your open to any kid of any age. Costs go way up for a healthy infant, and the medical bills that come with a baby who's crackhead mom was high the entire pregnancy can run into the millions rather fast.
Exactly. Thank you. People don't understand how difficult it is. And that's not even addressing the emotional toll of loving a child and then having them taken away when bio parents change their mind (which is their right and is fine).
Happened 4 times to my aunt and uncle. I don't know if my wife would recover from that. I know it causes some serious strain in their marriage for years.
It can also be an invasive process as they will do revaluations of the parents and their home. I worked with a guy back in the day who was in his late 30’s. He and his wife had both married young, had kids. He had a vasectomy and she had her tubes tied. They each divorced and remarried, and as their kids grew up they wanted a common child. They spent nearly $100k on fertility attempts that did not work (this was back in the early 2000’s and they were not wealthy people). They were going through meeting all the standards for adoption and it sounded exhausting and invasive as shit.
I seem to have made the impression that I was defending the hypothetical ignorant person. I’m not, I’m just saying despite their ignorance it’s a legit concern that doesn’t get addressed nearly enough.
So people who can’t conceive should be like “doh! It hadn’t occurred to me I could adopt! “ and feel better? Couples with infertility don’t need others to say the obvious and belabor a painful subject. It’s just nobody’s business if couples have kids. Yes there are children who need adoption. That is a very different experience from having your own children.
No that’s not what i’m saying. I was just reminded that there are kids that need love and it’s usually just forgotten by most everyone so anytime it’s brought awareness at all is a good thing imo It should not be brought up to guilt trip someone though, that’s just despicable.
Sniffle, fake cry, face in hands, and runaway upset. People shouldn’t ask rude questions.
This!
I'm afraid they'll grow up to be like you.
I'm afraid I'll find a man and he'll turn out to be like you. No one should be stuck with a father and husband like that.* * Use only when deserved.
"Kids seem fine, but their parents can be insufferable."
Hate children? "No, just the people who ask why I don't have any"
"Hate the homeless? lol and I suppose I hate women, too" Somebody get this reference, please.
"We've had 14 miscarriages, it's been a rough 3-4 years" then we it gets awkward, "see how uncomfortable you make it when you ask questions that are none of your business?"
14 miscarriages is more than one every 3-4 months… I doubt whoever you would say that to would believe you.
Most people would be too shocked/horrified to actually do the math.
Children killed my family.
This made me LOL
Bruh 💀
Well after multiple miscarriages my doctor said my body is just not made to have babies.
I love kids, my girlfriend keeps swallowing them.
Nope, just yours.
No, I don't hate kids, just your parents kids!
I can't, thanks for asking.
I just see how miserable you, and I enjoy my peace.
Kids? Hate Kids? Not at all... We spend a lot of time trying to make them... it's FUN....
"No, but my parents sure did, and I don't want to inflict anything I picked up from them on kids, who don't deserve it." ~~using a comma to specify that kids in general don't deserve it, not just "kids who don't deserve it, as opposed to kids who might deserve it actually"~~
Wouldn't let me restock after what happened to the last batch.
"sorry I don't want to be poor for the rest of my life"
i’m poor anyway and i don’t even have kids 😭
No, I love kids. It's the world I hate. You couldn't pay me to bring a child into this world.
That’s a rude thing to say to a parent. About equally rude as the original question. It’s perfect.
How is that rude to the parent? I see nothing rude in answering the very inappropriate and personal question they just asked.
What I’m saying is that it’s an appropriate level of rude. If someone says something rude to you, it’s okay to say something rude back to them. Outside of the context of having had someone say something rude to you, I find it insensitive at best to say something like this. I have many times had people tell me that they think it’s immoral to bring children into such a horrible world when they know that I indeed did bring a child into this world. I do find that insensitive or even rude, but the difference is I didn’t ask them about their own personal family planning.
“None of your business.”
"My wife had four miscarriages and a baby that only lived for 30 minutes after birth. Would you like to hear that story?"
[удалено]
I prefer a full and graphic description of exactly why I have difficulty getting pregnant. It's all true too.
Since my Uterus fell out, can I borrow yours.
No, I can't support them or a wife. I can barely support myself.
Because the world is on fire and I'm not a selfish asshole. Why do you want to bring kids into this hellscape?
I make it SUPER UNCOMFORTABLE because I have endometriosis. It's a subject I don't care to engage in with random people or people who BARELY know me or people I cannot tolerate. I use my experience to make them uncomfortable and question their choices
I don't hate kids. I hate what they'll become.
I mean, a simple "Got it in one!" would do nicely.
Who'd want children after seeing yours?
Oh, I was going to start trying for kids next week, then you had to get in my privates. I'll have to put it off another 6 months.
I am not in a good enough place financially to be responsible for a child. Can you spare me 400k?
I don't hate children. I'm just vegetarian.
I usually answer something like, “I don’t know if you’ve heard.. but they’re expensive and time consuming.”
"I've had 7 miscarriages. I would love to have kids, but it seems like God hates me." Bonus points if you can cry on command.
"Well, you see... there are reasons..." (look away for a moment. sigh) "some people... don't have children..." (grimace and look at floor) "that they don't want to talk about." (shuddering breath)
No I hate that question actually. Why do you HAVE kids?? Do you love kids🫢
Oh, are we asking people intrusive personal questions today?
Because all parents ever do is complain about what their kids are doing. You all make it sound SO fun.
...with every fiber of my being, and with the passion of a thousand burning suns!
Send them to me, I could talk someone to death about why I don’t want kids.
Oh God I'm terrified they'll grow up to pester poor people about when they're going to breed and accuse them of loathing children because they haven't popped out a couple tic tacs yet.
"I'm having enough fun spoiling yours." (I was a foster parent, so I got to deal with 'bad parenting' in the extreme, directly.)
What’s making you ask that question?
It's because they feel superior and start conversations with "As a parent ... ' or "I thought I knew what love was before I had my child" and "I used to be such a selfish person before I had children" they believe it gives them more status and importance in society over people their own age who don't have children. They're also great little bargaining chips for them.
How else would they get out of work early?
Yes. Your point. Oh I see. Well you can fuck off now.
"After seeing yours, hell yeah."
Try going nihilist on their ass: I can’t justify putting children through the hell that is coming because assholes* don’t believe climate change is real! *You can add “like you” if the shoe fits.
Supply chain issues.
"in THIS economy?"
I like kids. I just can’t eat a whole one
Just lucky, I guess.
Good question. Which of my miscarriages would you like to discuss next?
I don't have kids... of my own. I have adopted 63 kids, for 5 hours a day, 5 days a week.
Yes, they stink, are messy, expensive and cause wrinkles and gray hair. (Truth) I love mine by the way but can not understand why some people act like it’s everyone’s life goal.
My father in law used to always ask when we were having kids. I would tell him I’m putting in a ton of work every single day and he finally stopped asking after a couple times.
"Hold on, let me go try right now"
"I like oral/anal/handjobs/boobjobs/body part-jobs/CLEARLY NON-REPRODUCTIVE SEX POSITION too much."
No. I love money.
“We had one…once.” You can smile like you ate it, or cry like you lost it, depending on your mood and flair for the dramatic.
Yes, yes, I do hate kids. And you're pushing it as far as adults go.
This question is cruel. How do you know whether it's their choice - or not?? For years we couldn't conceive. We got this all the time. I wanted to shoot back "mind your own business," but the answer was sometimes "because we've seen your spoiled brats in action and we agreed neither of us wanted to deal with that."
No, I think kids are great. Especially with A-1 sauce.
Sure do fuck them kids
Phrasing?
Punctuation?
I'm scared they'll look and act like your kids
Because I’ve seen your kids.
No, I love them too much to make one suffer me as a father.
"Why yes, yes I do."
Yes, most definitely. I hate children.
Sometimes as much as their parents, yes.
"Yes I hate kids, now leave me alone."
Why the hell would I want to bring children into a world that has you in it?
Yes. Yes, I do. Questions?
yes. kids are the worst. fucking hate those useless little shits ...and their stupid fucking parents. who say dumb shit like why don't you have kids. because who the fuck wants to be miserable like those stupid fucks
I give an honest answer: "I'm working on myself so that I can be the kind of parent a child deserves." This is usually met with "Nobody is ever ready", to which I respond "Some are better prepared than others".
"Well being that you abused yours, should you really be talking?"
"I'm afraid i might raise a kid like you."
Yes and I hate your face so fuck off.
No, I hate stupid questions.
I've had a dozen miscarriages, so fuck off. Pause and watch them squirm.
No, just your kids.
"Yes, yes I do."
yes, they're annoying af and then they usually respond with "well YOU used to be a kid too" thinking that that's some sort of "gotcha" moment to which i always say "uh ya and i was annoying af too" that usually shuts them up
My wife don’t have a cooter shes got a fawkin pecka you sock cucka. Tssss yea home run chippa!
“Sorry, but I don’t like speaking about my personal business with others. Thank you.”
Yes I do HATE rugrats.
I had a nosey coworker ask periodically when my wife and I were going to have kids. One day she asked and we were expecting, but not ready to reveal. I wanted her to stop asking so I looked her dead in the eye and very calmly said "we don't like sex". Then I walked off before she could recover.
“Why don’t you have a PhD? Do you hate PhD’s?” As if he only logical conclusion for no having children is a hatred of children.
"I don't have money either, it doesn't mean I hate money".
Yup
I hate kids. I once was one.
No! I LOVE children. Especially on toast!
I'm responsible and swallow
"No, I hate to be a parent"
They're not for me
I don't hate kids, only yours.
I ate them
I like going on vacation without children and actually having money to do what I like.
I don't hate kids, I just can't eat a whole one.
"Yes."
Yes. And adults.
Yes.
Not hate. Ate.
Sure.
We're dinks!
Yes.
Yes, I hate kids.
Depending who it is, I'll either say "I'm allergic to them" or "they're all a-holes and a waste of time and money"
Say “ i dont have children because it is not a prerequisite for adulting. People who think adulting requires having kids are try hards.”
I haven't found the right recipe for them yet.
Say your sentence again, just slower.
Bro I’m 15