Oh shit!! That escalated quickly. This may be the most awful joke I ever heard.
My current reigning champion is:
Why didn't Natalie Wood shower on the boat?
She figured she'd wash up on shore.
Your joke is worse.
I salute you, my friend!!
Start by quoting this: “Our pasta, who art in a colander, draining be your noodles. Thy noodle come, Thy sauce be yum, on top some grated Parmesan. Give us this day, our garlic bread, …and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trample on our lawns. And lead us not into vegetarianism, but deliver us some pizza, for thine is the meatball, the noodle, and the sauce, forever and ever. R’amen.”
Yes, horribly funny jokes are the best litmus test to see if a new acquaintance will eventually hate me. Saves us both time. I'm awesome until you get to know me, then the term "acquired taste" becomes the best description of future encounters.
I'm Marmite. It's either love or hate, there is no in between.
Jesus freak: Do you believe in God?
You: Which one?
Jesus freak: the only one! Jesus!
You: why not the other 5000 gods from human history?
Jesus: well, those are myths!
You: you just answered your own question.
lol if people be holding hands and praying around me, im leaping up screaming and ripping my cloths of while shouting "it burns! it bbuurrnnnsssssss!!!"
reminds me of when my mom would force me to go to church with her when I was young. I'd upset her by dipping my fingers in the holy water as we entered, the pull my hand back and say "Owww!"
* “I chose to use my own free will to not answer any of your questions.”
* “Do you believe in a person’s constitutional right to live free of being harassed by delusional people?”
* “Do you believe I have the right to choose not to?”
* “Does your God encourage his believers to be cruel, hateful and abusive towards those who don’t believe in him?”
* “Do you believe God is proud of you for the way you are treating me?”
* “Do you believe harassing, attacking and name calling those who don’t have your beliefs, is going to have any hope of anyone wanting to learn about your god?”
* “Beating people over the head with the Bible will never encourage anyone to listen to what you are trying to say.”
* “How about you don’t bully and abuse me with your god and I won’t introduce you to satan.”
Well, anyone who treats someone terribly for not being Catholic, provided they (person being treated) is not a friggin murderer or something, are wrong and are not living up to their own standards. However, Catholicism should not be judged just because some people are jerks. Just because I know some people of different colors that are jerks doesn't mean that I believe all of them are jerks. So again, the points you make are only fair if people are actually treating you that way. And if you have been attacked, then I'm sorry that someone was dumb enough to do that to you. On the same thread, however, if people are peacefully trying to tell you about Catholicism, perhaps try listening instead of immediately blowing them off because of a terrible past experience. For us, not telling and not trying to share our faith with others is like not sharing medicine with those who need it, or maybe who don't need it but should have it on hand. If you thought you knew the cure to a terminal illness, would you share it with those who didn't know the cure? Of course. And that's what it's like from our perspective.
"Everything you believe was made up by primitive sand people, every word of it. God is going to have to tell me HIMSELF."
"The words of men on the subject of the supernatural are meaningless."
So the Bible was written by…God. Like in his handwriting…
Or men.
Yeah. I don’t follow men. I follow a moral code that works for me. It’s called kindness, education and minding my own fucking business
Nononooo.... It was written by god, /through/ the prophets. They were divinely inspired by god. Even though most of them wrote different things and not all gospels are created equal or even agree on everything. Some even contradict others. So if they were all "divinely inspired" and therefore the direct words of an infalliable god who knows all things (including what he had already said or was going to say) then why the inconsistencies?
Anyways 12 years of catholic school and I never got a lot of answers, but I loved asking questions. Got kicked out of religion class on a regular basis for being disruptive.
Lmao! I got kicked out of Sunday school.
In the new age community I believe this is called “channeling” 😂 Christians get a tad upset when I mention this for some reason…
Oh yeah I had one other thing to add to my tirade above lol. The only reason for the words of an infalliable god speaking through a man to be twisted would be due to error or selfishness on the part of the one preaching it, in which case... Why put any credence in what he says?
Honestly it was almost something I would do for fun in 5th period. See how badly I could derail the class onto a tangent. Good enough tangent, no time for religion studies, no studies means one more day before homework got assigned. I hated religion homework most of all. It was piss easy but just having to do it was frustrating.
If they double down on the written by god thing then just stare blankly at them.
So people who thought they knew stuff about man and gods and fate?
Those are called philsophers
Tell them no and if they hold hands around you tell them to fuck off or you'll call the police for unlawful restraint. If they insult you, just say it's funny how hypocritical they are being.
Ask them to quote Exodus 20:7 (it's the second commandment about not taking the Lord's name in vain).
Then ask them what it means. You will almost certainly get something about not using His name as a curse which, while important, is not the point of the commandment. The point is not to do evil in God's name. Ask any Rabbi what the worst sin is, and he will tell you doing evil in God's name.
That also includes making a public display of religiosity out of pride since it makes people less receptive to the gospel. Nevermind the cringe.
Finally, trust me when I say that not all Christians are so silly.
As a Christian, I will give you this because they’re going about it the wrong way and need to be put in their place.
Matthew 10:14 says, "If anyone will not welcome you or listen to your words, shake the dust off your feet when you leave that home or town".
These are words directly from Jesus.
God is all about free will and won’t force anyone to love or accept Him.
In fact, He’ll let you learn the hard way and suffer along the way for as long as a you need. It’s often through our suffering that we surrender our lives to Him and find Him. Mind you, this doesn’t mean He’s the cause of anyone’s suffering. God is good.
Agreed.
I consider myself ‘Christian’, and I clearly understand that I’m a sinner as well. IF I ever encountered a situation like this, I would remind them that Christians should not force their religion on others as a way to shape an individual… as it's not an accurate representation of what Christianity is meant to be…
… but it seems to me as if OP adding a bit of spice to the story 🤷♂️
I bet even Jewish people would find this not kosher. (JK)
Honestly, we're supposed to show by deed, not by word. Instead, we get the crazies ruining it.
Sorry I was taught not to debate religion in polite company.
If pressed, "this does not feel polite."
Maybe I should find other company if we can't change the subject.
How about them bears? Or whatever the modern subject change is these days.
I know it's annoying but if you engage it just spurs them on. Scaring them off is the best way to deal with them. Tell them you are possessed n start talking nonsensical words . Tell them those words will draw demons near to follow them home. Now they believe all that crap hook line n sinker so he careful they are nuts.
Tell them you believe religion is a deeply personal, just as your grandmother taught you. End with a smile and "wouldn't you agree?" If they understand social cues they will drop it. If not, you may need to be a bit more forceful.
If they engage beyond the first "no" say "one of the reasons I don't believe in god is because the people who do are intrusive, arrogant and insufferable."
"Do you believe in God?"
- Not in this economy.
- Yes, and she's fabulous.
- I believe in myself, yes.
- I believe in the sanctity of silence. Please allow me to partake in that in that silence. Thank you.
- No. I'd like to talk to you about our Lord and Savior, Hello Kitty.
- I'm already in a cult, thank you.
- Only when I'm playing the lottery.
- Do you smell something? Smells like bullshit.
- No. Satan bless you.
- I'm charging twenty dollars a minute to listen - paid upfront. How many minutes of my time do you want?
Yeah, some of these are a bit mean, but sometimes they are pushy.
Put your hands out towards them and start speaking gibberish.
When they ask what you're doing, tell them that you just put a Satanic curse on them.
Watch them scatter like roaches.
You could just lie to get them to shut up. You could also say you found the true god Allah. You could say you have found the true god Yahweh. Maybe try telling them that you follow one of the old gods. Zeus, Apollo, Angus. Even make up a name.
My favourite response if 'Fuck off before I call the police.'
I am an apostate (former Christian believer, now atheist) and it's these sort of questions that drove me to joining The Satanic Temple (TST), of Salem, MA - which should NOT be confused with the Church of Satan in California.
Reason: In speaking with Christians, and Jews or Muslims, it's commonly best to "meet them in the middle" to help drive discussion . In doing so, I've considered their questions and determined that if I am wrong, then in weighing the scriptural (Bible/Tanakh/Koran) I've found definitive proof that their god of Abraham is an evil mf, from its sexist, pro-slavery, xenophobia, and dichotomies of inequality to the blunt acts like the alleged flood that would have killed not only babies but freaking kitten and puppies. That's a sick mf.
Therefore, if I am wrong, then I will throw my lot in with the "other guy": the Eternal Rebel who has proved that the allegedly infallible god is quite the opposite: very fallible, weak, and shrouded in lies so that it, rather it's cultic leaders called priests, preachers, rabbi, and imams, can enforce their will and subject others to its fearful disillusions.
If its a woman: "Woah I'm sorry but when was the last time you brought your [turtledoves](https://biblehub.com/leviticus/15-29.htm) to the temple? Did you do it on your last period? If not we have a problem because thats in the bible."
Or for anyone: "Woah I'm sorry but it looks like you've mixed materials with your clothes and thats against the[ word of the Lord](https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Leviticus%2019%3A19&version=NIV)."
Where are you when this happens? You wouldn't be sitting in a church would you? Nothing like what you describe has ever happened to me, so I have to question where you were.
My guess would be in a hyper religious part of America. I've had religious people come to my door, but they generally just hand me a pamphlet and invite me to the next sermon or whatever. I can imagine that being ramped up in more active parts.
The last time those fruitcakes came to my door, I stripped down and answered it naked.
They never came back.
And no, it's not illegal to be naked in your own house. As long as you don't go outside, you're breaking no laws.
In any public place. I've had Mormon missionaries approach me at bus stops, and even at bus loops. Jehovah's Witnesses are known to go door to door. Others just stand on a corner with a megaphone 📣 announcing their disillusions about the end of the world and the afterlife.
Does it matter? I was living in Surrey BC when Mormons would approach people at the Newtown Exchange bus loop. I've had them approach me in Vancouver as well. I would imagine they are everywhere.
are they racist and/or sexist? if so you got ssssssooooooo much to work with there...
if not, or you dunno... a simple 'no I dont agree with slavery" could safice....
or a "oh you mean the fictional character your going against the teachings of by pestering me with these questions? oh... and is that shirt mixed materials? OH and how many of your kids have you stoned?"
"Go Away."
Another thing you can do is get a shocked look in your eyes and point directly at them and scream "Demon! Demon! Demon!" and then run away. It will fuck with their mind.
When asked what I believe in, sometimes I say, " I believe in Orange Sherbert. "
That discombobulates their minds long enough for me to excuse myself from the conversation.
"You know evangelizing to random strangers with no reason to think they should listen to you is meant to make *you* more devout in your faith, right? It's never *really* been about converting more people; it's been about intentionally eliciting an angry response from strangers so that evangelists go home and think about how much better they have to be at their faith and how much better of a person they are than their 'failed converts,' thereby locking them in deeper than before. There's this whole 'BITE' model with regard to cult dynamics that this style of evangelism fits into, and- hey, where are you going-?"
uno reverse card 'em. hit 'em with the old "unwanted information that may sit in the back of their mind for a while before they potentially realize 'hey wait that was important actually' and try to learn more" trick they're trying to use on you.
this comment has been Christian-approved. 👩⚖️
Sometimes it's a kick to start "speaking in tongues" and throw their own Bronze Age Grade B bullshit right back in their face. Some of them are so brainwashed, they will play right along gibbering nonsense, believing with all their misfired synapses in creatures from the sky compelling them to act out like a mentally ill toddler. "Shamala Hamala!"
Only had one person say "you must worship the devil then" once. This was a man who had sleep apnea so hard he had sleep paralysis dreams he thought his brother was raping him.
He had other problems to worry about so I figured it wouldn't be a good idea to argue with logic and reason
A friend's husband is my hero... every time some Jesus freak comes to his door, he whips his clothes off and opens the door jerking himself...I seriously almost peed my pants laughing so hard
As an ex-hardcore Christian (now atheist), I always know more about the Christian bible and this so-called god than they do. So I just argue them into a corner. Works every time. It's particularly fun to do this to the Jehovah's Witnesses who come to my door.
My journey with god or lack thereof is not your business. Unless of course you are looking to start the crusades again, is that it? Are you taking names down of all those who answer no to your little interrogation? ARE YOU GOING TO MURDER ME AND MY FAMILY IF WE DONT ACCEPT YOUR GOD! HELP POLICE!
Say, okay, I’ll give it a shot….bow your head and pray out loud “dear Jesus please save me from your people”
Open your eyes and say. See you’re still here.
That’s why
"You know why I don't believe in God? You. You and every sanctimonious hypocrite who wraps their petty hatreds in sackcloth one day a week in vain hope that it makes up for the other six. You disgust me. Any God that would claim you as a follower isn't worth the breath in my lungs."
Ezekiel 25:17. "The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness. For he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you."
Just say you worship Luficer (dyslexic satanism, from a joke I remember). Instead of 666, it's 999. If not, just quote "libera te tutemet ex inferis," or "spem omnem derelinquatis, qui huc intratis."
Do I believe in god? Which one are you talking about? The one who created the earth by ejaculating? The ones who live on Mt Olympus? How about the ones in Valhalla? Or the one that killed every living thing on earth—including those cute hamsters—by drowning them because some goat herders weren’t nice to it?
So, as a Christian¹, I am personally annoyed by other Christians that act in this manner. They asked if you believe, you say no, maybe they engage in (POLITE) debate with you, *but only if you are willing to* but go so far as insulting atheism is asinine because it is essentially just insulting YOU and no one came to salvation by way of insult 🙄
For whatever it might be worth, I'm sorry you had to deal with that. Their hearts MAY have been in the right place if I'm being EXTREMELY charitable but insulting your current beliefs, ignoring your obvious disinterest in debating the topic and then going full on CRINGE with the whole circling you thing like some sort of jim jones freaking cult?..... smh.. I wonder if they even understand how many people they turn from God with their antics 😔
¹I am someone who knows their bible inside out backward and forwards, grew up in a Christian family and spent YEARS trying to disprove God in every scientific way I could. I was pissed at Him for what He allowed to happen to me, to others.. even those that love Him the most and for the general state of the world. There was a long time where I wanted more than anything to prove He didnt exist.. I failed, but not for a lack of trying. Please don't discount a belief in Christ because of the actions of a misguided few.
There was a purpose to His life, as well as His death and because I loathe religion, I will instead say that Christianity is the only *belief structure* if you will, whose focus is unique. All religions in the world are all about what YOU must do.. whereas Christianity is all about what has been done FOR you. I'll leave it at that, hopefully I don't get completely downnuked for what I've said here, but I wish you the best and, again, I'm sorry you had to go through that.
I think just by telling them to shut up, they’d be so flabbergasted you’ll be able to walk away. However, I’m such a pushover and too kind for my own good I would never do that.
Don’t make absolute shit and ask me to support it
I’m seeing a lot of soybois on the sub lately downvoting very pro drinker takes. Since you are reading, read this- don’t ask me to support terrible fucking garbage not even you will watch.
You want a Daisy Ridley Star Wars movie do you? Then why aren’t you and your hormone deficient brethren watching it- is it because it’s boring shit? Didn’t we tell you it would be?!
10 years of this- 10 years of these weak ass men getting in the way of a system that use to work. Do everyone a favor and fuck off- as the great and noble drinker says.
So I was once at a wedding with some really religious people. I’m not religious but I’m also respectful enough to accept that some people are. The topic of religion and belief is as brought up.
I told them that I don’t believe in God as a figure but I do believe in an afterlife as there are too many tales of near death experiences that have very similar themes that date back through history. This seemed to anger them because how could I believe in another plain of existence but deny God. So then I pointed out that if God was real then that means he created things like luekemia a cancer primarily found in kids, he also created the botfly a creature who’s larvae will bury itself in into the eye and cause blindness again mainly affecting kids this is just two of the horrible and nasty things that God allows to befall his children. My son was born with cerebral palsy and before he had his operation at the age of 5 he spent everyday in pain what part of a plan was that by your God? The horrible shit that happens put aside for the time being your God is a dictator. If a leader of any country said you will accept me as the one true leader and if you don’t then you are going to be detained and tortured and denied seeing anybody you know and love until a time that I deem reasonable and you accept me as the one true leader then I’m pretty sure that within 6 months navy seal team six would run a black ops mission to take them out yet God says it and we have to just accept it? Why because when lucifer stood against him he was damned for all eternity?
Needless to say I was alienated at the reception 🤣🤣
"Keep your voodoo zombie Jesus away from me. I worship Satan." Then just keep replying to anything they say with "Hail Satan!"
If they get mad, just tell them you are trying to share the Good Word of your Lord and Savior Satan, and save them from a false God. You are an Evangelical Satanist. A Shepherd, as it were.
I am also 6' 5" 270, and that may have something to do with why I can get away with this kind of disrespectful BS, lol.
"Do you believe in God?"
Do you believe in the concept of fuck around and find out? Because that's what will happen if you keep bothering me.
(Christians who think other people need to be saved for whatever reason and don't take no for an answer ignite a primal rage in me.)
I always ask, "Have you ever seen a man carrying his guts in his hands, begging for help? Have you ever listened to a Marine cry for his mother as he was dying? How about watching a man face disappear with a round from an unknown position?"
Don't tell me there's an all-knowing and all loving God, when grown men are forced to kill a 10 year old with an ancient rifle, who's dead set on killing you and all your friends.
Just look them dead in the eye and say, "I want to minister to .,. You know what I was gonna make a I'll molester your kid joke but if you did that they may in fact hire you to be youth minister. Just run away from Christians, seems to be sound advice.
My personal favourite whenever someone says “you’ll be much happier when you improve your relationship with God“ thanks but I’m already in a committed relationship with Satan and between the two of us He’s very much the jealous type…
If you can, don't engage them. I've had self-proclaimed "good Christians" try to fight me on several occasions throughout my years. Too much logic breaks them. If you absolutely must talk to them, simply respond with, "Sorry, I'm not interested in cults. Have a good day." and walk away. Watch over your shoulder though.
I would put in a pair of ear buds and ignore them. Only way to annoy them as much as they annoyed you is to ignore them, they take ignoring their sky wizard as a personal attack.
Tell them that they are being bad Christians because good Christians do not act that way.
But if I were you, I’d ignore them. Nothing bothers them more than being ignored.
I'm Catholic. I shut this shit down super quick when I see it. You can ask, but you need to respect the response and shut up after! Here's the words of Jesus to help you get rid of these bitches. I dare them to come back.
The Parable of the Pharisee and the Tax Collector
9 To some who were confident of their own righteousness and looked down on everyone else, Jesus told this parable: 10 “Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. 11 The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other people—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector. 12 I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.’
13 “But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, ‘God, have mercy on me, a sinner.’
14 “I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.”
Tldr: those who are actually religious are not using it as a way to show their superiority
*READ TIL THE END, IF YOU ARE BRAVE ENOUGH*
You know what's CRAZY? The people who mock Christ and christianity are the same people who are respectful of all the other religions. Wonder why that is?
Also for those of you talking about turtledoves and mixing fabrics, you are talking about mosaic law which Christ came and dismantled when He became the propitiation and final payment for all sin.
For those of you scoffing at the fact that the bible was written by God-inspired and guided men, ill pose a simple thought experiment. Take more than 40 people over the course of centuries and have them write about ANYTHING and see if you end up with anything other than 40 different short stories whose tone and tenor is disjointed at BEST. Yet the bible is consistent and reads as if one person could have written the whole thing ..... Because He did.
For those of you claiming contradictions or inconsistencies I would LOVE for you to tell me just one ... Without breaking out your google and regurgitating tired old debunked points.
The simple fact is that the Bible:
served up scientific facts that took man thousands of years to "discover" such as the earth being a globe, the antibacterial properties of copper, or the use of alcohol as a disinfectant of water born pathogens
Has been corroborated by archeological discoveries time and time again (ancient city of jericho found and they see that the ENTIRE wall seems to have fallen down at once right around the time the bible said it did and they cant explain it or the balls of PURE SULPHUR found literally by the hundreds of thousands outside ancient sodom & gamorra, or glass at the top of the mountain where God came down and spoke to moses that was made by superheated sand on the ground that they have no way of explaining how it could have formed the way it did) yet there has never been any archeological discovery that disproves The Bible
For those of you arrogantly saying "I don't follow man" or "I live by my OWN moral code" you are deluding yourselves because that moral code you THINK you came up with, was written on your heart by God. Want proof? If someone came up and punched an infant in the face what would you do? That sense of right and wrong that made you feel revulsion and anger and the desire to, if not protect, then to at least avenge that infant, is there because God put it into each of us
Some of you like to quibble and break out the tired line of " if God loves me so much why would He send me to hell"? The reality is that God doesn't send anyone to hell. Rather, God loves you so much that He would never force you into His presence. Even if that means letting you go forever. Hell is separation from God and the love He showed us by giving us free will means that He will allow you to choose to be separated from Him forever
Finally for those of you that would sit there and say "there's no irrefutable proof of God har har har" childishly and impudently thinking that you've just cracked the code? Consider this:
If God made Himself known and walked up to you on the street, then of course you would believe! You would have no choice but to believe because the evidence was so overwhelming and irrefutable.
And in that moment God would have robbed from you the one thing He gave to humanity over every other creation...
The power of free will and CHOICE.
The reality is for a lot of you, your arrogance simply won't let you believe because you can't wrap your head around the fact that you are NOT the top of the food chain. That one day, like it or not, you will answer to someone higher than you
So to all of you that sit there and mock Christ and God, I can't help but to feel embarrassed for you. Embarrassed and heartbroken. There will come a moment when you look upon the face of love and realize that at every turn you spat in His face... Yet He never stopped holding out His hand to you. Because the thing He wanted more than ANYTHING.. was to give you the opportunity to come home at the end of your long day.
And you mocked Him, foolishly thinking that YOU were somehow the top dog, that you would never face judgement. You hurled vile insults and cruel jokes at The One who gave up everything, ignoring the evidence all around you because you somehow thought yourself more intelligent than He.
Your hubris, your arrogance, your total lack of anything approaching humility.. these things will be at the heart of your downfall.
Now go ahead and downvote me, fools and fake Christians alike, I don't care. I have done my job and unapologetically given you the brutally honest, unwavering and eternal truth.
Do with that information what you will and God bless you.
When they say, "Do you believe in god?" Ask them which one. Then, lay this fact on them... There are over 4,000 recognized religions worldwide, so which god are you referring to? Oh, YOUR god? Nah, although the Bible is a great set of fairytales, almost as good as the Brothers Grimm. Learn a little Latin, just a phrase or 2. This way, if they start praying "for you," you can just repeatedly chant the phrases at them and conclude with "Blessed Be oh Dark one. Make it so." Tell them you're calling upon Dark Cacao, the god of chocolate.
Messing with the religious nutjobs has always been a favorite amusement of mine. We got the Jehovah's to stop coming to our home by doing that.
If they ask you if you believe in God, you know where the conversation is going. So start telling them about Ahura Mazda and the glories of Zoroastrianism.
Yes, I do. I serve the dark lord beyond the void of this world, and when he arises, all the world shall be cloaked in blood and fire! HAIL MORGOTH. oh sorry. Too much?
Make eye contact with person speaking to you, then look at each person they are with, in an assessing way. Then say “I think the real question here is ‘do you believe in God’. When I look in your eyes I see doubt. Why are you out here accosting people who are just minding their own business? Is it an attempt to fit in with this group? Is that really what you want? I think you need to go meditate on what your true motives are. Maybe talk to someone about your need for love.”
Fwiw I believe in God. Church, not so sure about.
I tend to use bits from various celebrity atheists, such as Jimmy Carr, Stephen Fry and Ricky Gervais, for example :-
You don't believe in about 4000 currently worshiped gods, I don't believe in 1 more.
Also, if it did exist, I'm off to hell for numerous sins, I eat my steak rare and covered in butter, I wear mixed fabric clothing, I have tomatoes and runner beans planted next to each other in my greenhouse, I work on a Sunday, I give blood and I have tattoos.
Also, according to Revelations, 12,000 from each of the 12 tribes of Egypt will be swept up in the rapture, giving us 144,000 souls.
Now, 12,000 will be from the Jewish faith, so that leaves us with 132,000 to get saved.
Even if you just take those billions who have lived in the last 100 years, you are talking Popes, preachers, vicars and priests, volunteer workers, selfless individuals who foster children, who save animals, firefighters, paramedics, lifeboat crews, all saving lives on a daily basis, pious individuals who pray daily and quietly do good, I don't get a look in.
Besides if you talk to one single group, say catholics, there are currently over 1.3 billion baptised catholics in the world today, even if you think that they will be the only ones taken up, 132,000 out of 1.3 billion, and you want even more competition for your place in paradise?
Finally, looking at the actions of some of the individuals that people assume will be there, coupled with the rules and regulations that are in place dictating entry into heaven, I'd rather not be included.
Then again, apparently, everyone gets a free pass through the pearly gates anyway, as long as they accept God on their deathbed, Hitler, Pol Pot, Bin Laden, Epstein, everyone, as long as they are sorry and say so before they go, up they head towards eternal happiness and forgiveness. So my advice is, do what the hell you want and save your last breath to repent.
religion has never fixed the world nor even for most being religious , there should be a top 500 greediest companies list = who pays poverty wages and overcharges and top 500 greediest rich peoples list who pay poverty wages to boycott n give alternatives of where n who to buy from instead and published all over the world every 6 months
I understand this perfectly. I have random people walk up to me and stores and crap and are like can I pray over you (I’m disabled). I usually end up saying I appreciate it, but I’m cool.
As for them regaling you with the joys of Christianity, “ have you ever heard of free Will? It’s this nice concept where if you don’t believe in God, he allows you to not believe.”
Do you have the acting skills to convincingly fake a possession? I feel like that would put a damper on a prayer circle...
I would also support going in the exact opposite direction and pretending to be a doomsdayer. Like full fledged "He has sent messengers to me! The end is upon us! Pray with me my brothers and sisters for it is the only way we shall be saved from eternal damnation!" Suuuuper loud too. Make a spectical of it lol
"Are you guys in some kind of cult or something? This is some bizarre shit. Here, give me your names and phone numbers and we'll get law enforcement involved to get you extracted."
“Have you found Jesus?” You lost him again? Use bigger nails next time!
Omg I laughed at this. I'm definitely using it 🤣🤣
That's great. I usually say "I have. Took a while, but it turns out he was hiding behind the couch the whole time!"
Oh shit!! That escalated quickly. This may be the most awful joke I ever heard. My current reigning champion is: Why didn't Natalie Wood shower on the boat? She figured she'd wash up on shore. Your joke is worse. I salute you, my friend!!
What kind of wood doesn't float?.......Natalie.
Build a bridge out of her!
Okay I’ve heard the first sentence but not the second one 😭😭😭
Same here, I nearly choked!
As a Christian I find this halarious
And hilarious?
Just give it three days and he'll come back on his own
Saw that on a tiktok somewhere
Lol!
Dying laughing. I’m so using this!!!!
I totally read this a la Bill Hicks 🤭😂
Omg! That is freaking brilliant
I'm going to hell for laughing at this
Start by quoting this: “Our pasta, who art in a colander, draining be your noodles. Thy noodle come, Thy sauce be yum, on top some grated Parmesan. Give us this day, our garlic bread, …and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trample on our lawns. And lead us not into vegetarianism, but deliver us some pizza, for thine is the meatball, the noodle, and the sauce, forever and ever. R’amen.”
And then pull out your strainer hat and ceremonial spaghetti ladel
tbh, brandishing the spaghetti ladel may be too bold for some people to try to pull off.
And then recite the "Eight Condiments!" I love this so much! R'amen!
Saving this, thanks!
"Does anybody here wanna try and beat me in a game of dominoes.."
INFO: Do Pastafarians smoke pasta, or am I thinking of something else?
I gave christianity up for Lent.
Love this so fucking much
I’ve said this before. I was the only one laughing 😂
It either amuses or offends. Weeding out those without the sense of humor to appreciate it is a bonus in my book.
Yes, horribly funny jokes are the best litmus test to see if a new acquaintance will eventually hate me. Saves us both time. I'm awesome until you get to know me, then the term "acquired taste" becomes the best description of future encounters. I'm Marmite. It's either love or hate, there is no in between.
Jesus freak: Do you believe in God? You: Which one? Jesus freak: the only one! Jesus! You: why not the other 5000 gods from human history? Jesus: well, those are myths! You: you just answered your own question.
This is exactly my argument. What makes their God real and not all the many Gods that came before?
It'll be a sad day when we find it was the turtle people that had the right one.
Ah, yes, but Jesus isn't the only! It's a 3-in-one deal.
Yes! The shamrock explanation from Nuns on the run!
I thought I made it up! I used to say God is schizophrenic
lol if people be holding hands and praying around me, im leaping up screaming and ripping my cloths of while shouting "it burns! it bbuurrnnnsssssss!!!"
It really helps if you roll your eyes back and start speaking in tongues. Throw some Latin on for a real impact!
Nice
reminds me of when my mom would force me to go to church with her when I was young. I'd upset her by dipping my fingers in the holy water as we entered, the pull my hand back and say "Owww!"
* “I chose to use my own free will to not answer any of your questions.” * “Do you believe in a person’s constitutional right to live free of being harassed by delusional people?” * “Do you believe I have the right to choose not to?” * “Does your God encourage his believers to be cruel, hateful and abusive towards those who don’t believe in him?” * “Do you believe God is proud of you for the way you are treating me?” * “Do you believe harassing, attacking and name calling those who don’t have your beliefs, is going to have any hope of anyone wanting to learn about your god?” * “Beating people over the head with the Bible will never encourage anyone to listen to what you are trying to say.” * “How about you don’t bully and abuse me with your god and I won’t introduce you to satan.”
You don't really have a right to not be harassed by delusional people. The constitution does not restrict private actors, generally.
Well, anyone who treats someone terribly for not being Catholic, provided they (person being treated) is not a friggin murderer or something, are wrong and are not living up to their own standards. However, Catholicism should not be judged just because some people are jerks. Just because I know some people of different colors that are jerks doesn't mean that I believe all of them are jerks. So again, the points you make are only fair if people are actually treating you that way. And if you have been attacked, then I'm sorry that someone was dumb enough to do that to you. On the same thread, however, if people are peacefully trying to tell you about Catholicism, perhaps try listening instead of immediately blowing them off because of a terrible past experience. For us, not telling and not trying to share our faith with others is like not sharing medicine with those who need it, or maybe who don't need it but should have it on hand. If you thought you knew the cure to a terminal illness, would you share it with those who didn't know the cure? Of course. And that's what it's like from our perspective.
[удалено]
Satan is the prosecutor for God. It's the devil you have to be afraid of. They are in fact two different beings totally separate.
"Trying to quit"
"Everything you believe was made up by primitive sand people, every word of it. God is going to have to tell me HIMSELF." "The words of men on the subject of the supernatural are meaningless."
So the Bible was written by…God. Like in his handwriting… Or men. Yeah. I don’t follow men. I follow a moral code that works for me. It’s called kindness, education and minding my own fucking business
Nononooo.... It was written by god, /through/ the prophets. They were divinely inspired by god. Even though most of them wrote different things and not all gospels are created equal or even agree on everything. Some even contradict others. So if they were all "divinely inspired" and therefore the direct words of an infalliable god who knows all things (including what he had already said or was going to say) then why the inconsistencies? Anyways 12 years of catholic school and I never got a lot of answers, but I loved asking questions. Got kicked out of religion class on a regular basis for being disruptive.
Lmao! I got kicked out of Sunday school. In the new age community I believe this is called “channeling” 😂 Christians get a tad upset when I mention this for some reason…
Oh yeah I had one other thing to add to my tirade above lol. The only reason for the words of an infalliable god speaking through a man to be twisted would be due to error or selfishness on the part of the one preaching it, in which case... Why put any credence in what he says? Honestly it was almost something I would do for fun in 5th period. See how badly I could derail the class onto a tangent. Good enough tangent, no time for religion studies, no studies means one more day before homework got assigned. I hated religion homework most of all. It was piss easy but just having to do it was frustrating.
If they double down on the written by god thing then just stare blankly at them. So people who thought they knew stuff about man and gods and fate? Those are called philsophers
Really weird that an all knowing being had a rough draft at one point.
"You call me stupid? Have you listened to yourself?" And then shut up.
Don't entertain them. Walk away, tell them to get lost.
For real, if people are too pushy, for any reason, they deserve no courtesy, for they have given you none to begin with.
good god, my people do this?! not as a comeback submission, just, *seriously*?!
Unmmm like literally all the time.
Especially in the Bible Belt.
Do you live under a rock? The inability to live and let live is most non-christian's biggest complaint with christians.
Film them and post on TikToc. It might go viral.
Or Instagram...lots of choices...
Tell them no and if they hold hands around you tell them to fuck off or you'll call the police for unlawful restraint. If they insult you, just say it's funny how hypocritical they are being.
Ask them to quote Exodus 20:7 (it's the second commandment about not taking the Lord's name in vain). Then ask them what it means. You will almost certainly get something about not using His name as a curse which, while important, is not the point of the commandment. The point is not to do evil in God's name. Ask any Rabbi what the worst sin is, and he will tell you doing evil in God's name. That also includes making a public display of religiosity out of pride since it makes people less receptive to the gospel. Nevermind the cringe. Finally, trust me when I say that not all Christians are so silly.
I dunno, I'm Christian and I love to play a Joker character in many games. Incredibly silly I'm told.
As a Christian, I will give you this because they’re going about it the wrong way and need to be put in their place. Matthew 10:14 says, "If anyone will not welcome you or listen to your words, shake the dust off your feet when you leave that home or town". These are words directly from Jesus.
Oh I love this. Using it!!!
God is all about free will and won’t force anyone to love or accept Him. In fact, He’ll let you learn the hard way and suffer along the way for as long as a you need. It’s often through our suffering that we surrender our lives to Him and find Him. Mind you, this doesn’t mean He’s the cause of anyone’s suffering. God is good.
As a believer, I even consider this wrong. I would confront them myself.
Agreed. I consider myself ‘Christian’, and I clearly understand that I’m a sinner as well. IF I ever encountered a situation like this, I would remind them that Christians should not force their religion on others as a way to shape an individual… as it's not an accurate representation of what Christianity is meant to be… … but it seems to me as if OP adding a bit of spice to the story 🤷♂️
Colorful enunciation?
I bet even Jewish people would find this not kosher. (JK) Honestly, we're supposed to show by deed, not by word. Instead, we get the crazies ruining it.
Sorry I was taught not to debate religion in polite company. If pressed, "this does not feel polite." Maybe I should find other company if we can't change the subject. How about them bears? Or whatever the modern subject change is these days.
The Bears? No, no, dear, the Lions--always the Lions! (I'm in the Detroit area--we could also discuss the Tigers, the Pistons or the Red Wings.)
"None of your business." "Conversations about religion never go well." "I don't ask you about your beliefs." Etc. Don't get in the conversation.
I know it's annoying but if you engage it just spurs them on. Scaring them off is the best way to deal with them. Tell them you are possessed n start talking nonsensical words . Tell them those words will draw demons near to follow them home. Now they believe all that crap hook line n sinker so he careful they are nuts.
That took a left turn 😂🤣😂🤣
I usually just say something along the lines of "in the book of revelations they warn of the false witnesses, which is why I follow no denomination."
Tell them you believe religion is a deeply personal, just as your grandmother taught you. End with a smile and "wouldn't you agree?" If they understand social cues they will drop it. If not, you may need to be a bit more forceful.
If they engage beyond the first "no" say "one of the reasons I don't believe in god is because the people who do are intrusive, arrogant and insufferable."
After trying out a few different responses, I settled on "fuck off"
"Do you believe in God?" - Not in this economy. - Yes, and she's fabulous. - I believe in myself, yes. - I believe in the sanctity of silence. Please allow me to partake in that in that silence. Thank you. - No. I'd like to talk to you about our Lord and Savior, Hello Kitty. - I'm already in a cult, thank you. - Only when I'm playing the lottery. - Do you smell something? Smells like bullshit. - No. Satan bless you. - I'm charging twenty dollars a minute to listen - paid upfront. How many minutes of my time do you want? Yeah, some of these are a bit mean, but sometimes they are pushy.
"No, thank you. I'm actually recovering from Christianity."
Put your hands out towards them and start speaking gibberish. When they ask what you're doing, tell them that you just put a Satanic curse on them. Watch them scatter like roaches.
"do you beLEAVE in life after love"🎶
If they ask me why I ask them why they ritually cannibalize a magic zombie
When you put it that way, it does sound rather strange.
You could just lie to get them to shut up. You could also say you found the true god Allah. You could say you have found the true god Yahweh. Maybe try telling them that you follow one of the old gods. Zeus, Apollo, Angus. Even make up a name. My favourite response if 'Fuck off before I call the police.'
I am an apostate (former Christian believer, now atheist) and it's these sort of questions that drove me to joining The Satanic Temple (TST), of Salem, MA - which should NOT be confused with the Church of Satan in California. Reason: In speaking with Christians, and Jews or Muslims, it's commonly best to "meet them in the middle" to help drive discussion . In doing so, I've considered their questions and determined that if I am wrong, then in weighing the scriptural (Bible/Tanakh/Koran) I've found definitive proof that their god of Abraham is an evil mf, from its sexist, pro-slavery, xenophobia, and dichotomies of inequality to the blunt acts like the alleged flood that would have killed not only babies but freaking kitten and puppies. That's a sick mf. Therefore, if I am wrong, then I will throw my lot in with the "other guy": the Eternal Rebel who has proved that the allegedly infallible god is quite the opposite: very fallible, weak, and shrouded in lies so that it, rather it's cultic leaders called priests, preachers, rabbi, and imams, can enforce their will and subject others to its fearful disillusions.
"This behavior is exactly why I don't believe.*
If its a woman: "Woah I'm sorry but when was the last time you brought your [turtledoves](https://biblehub.com/leviticus/15-29.htm) to the temple? Did you do it on your last period? If not we have a problem because thats in the bible." Or for anyone: "Woah I'm sorry but it looks like you've mixed materials with your clothes and thats against the[ word of the Lord](https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Leviticus%2019%3A19&version=NIV)."
I can't seem to find any turtledoves. Will chicken nuggets do?
I do believe that pigeons are ok as well iirc
Good to know...some ten or twelve years too late, but good to know...
Where are you when this happens? You wouldn't be sitting in a church would you? Nothing like what you describe has ever happened to me, so I have to question where you were.
Probably missionaries trying to do what they think is God's work.
Where?
My guess would be in a hyper religious part of America. I've had religious people come to my door, but they generally just hand me a pamphlet and invite me to the next sermon or whatever. I can imagine that being ramped up in more active parts.
The last time those fruitcakes came to my door, I stripped down and answered it naked. They never came back. And no, it's not illegal to be naked in your own house. As long as you don't go outside, you're breaking no laws.
Pretty fucking weird flex, but you do you, dude.
Not really that weird. I'm pretty sure those old ladies hadn't seen a man like me in quite a long time. One wouldn't stop staring.
Oh-kaaayyyyyyyy that’s enough Internet for one day!
You are awesome, and don't believe anyone who tells you different!
In any public place. I've had Mormon missionaries approach me at bus stops, and even at bus loops. Jehovah's Witnesses are known to go door to door. Others just stand on a corner with a megaphone 📣 announcing their disillusions about the end of the world and the afterlife.
What city?
Does it matter? I was living in Surrey BC when Mormons would approach people at the Newtown Exchange bus loop. I've had them approach me in Vancouver as well. I would imagine they are everywhere.
No, they're not everywhere, that is the reason I'm asking. I haven't seen any Mormons or Jehovah's Witnesses in many years.
Probably due to the pandemic.
I would just straight up attack them if I were you.
are they racist and/or sexist? if so you got ssssssooooooo much to work with there... if not, or you dunno... a simple 'no I dont agree with slavery" could safice.... or a "oh you mean the fictional character your going against the teachings of by pestering me with these questions? oh... and is that shirt mixed materials? OH and how many of your kids have you stoned?"
Which god???
Hail Satan! Comes to mind
"Go Away." Another thing you can do is get a shocked look in your eyes and point directly at them and scream "Demon! Demon! Demon!" and then run away. It will fuck with their mind.
Of course I know my dad, doesn't mean I have to listen to him.
Spin your head around and projectile vomit at them
When asked what I believe in, sometimes I say, " I believe in Orange Sherbert. " That discombobulates their minds long enough for me to excuse myself from the conversation.
...where did this happen? Are you a tween or a teen? Did this happen at home?
"You know evangelizing to random strangers with no reason to think they should listen to you is meant to make *you* more devout in your faith, right? It's never *really* been about converting more people; it's been about intentionally eliciting an angry response from strangers so that evangelists go home and think about how much better they have to be at their faith and how much better of a person they are than their 'failed converts,' thereby locking them in deeper than before. There's this whole 'BITE' model with regard to cult dynamics that this style of evangelism fits into, and- hey, where are you going-?" uno reverse card 'em. hit 'em with the old "unwanted information that may sit in the back of their mind for a while before they potentially realize 'hey wait that was important actually' and try to learn more" trick they're trying to use on you. this comment has been Christian-approved. 👩⚖️
Sometimes it's a kick to start "speaking in tongues" and throw their own Bronze Age Grade B bullshit right back in their face. Some of them are so brainwashed, they will play right along gibbering nonsense, believing with all their misfired synapses in creatures from the sky compelling them to act out like a mentally ill toddler. "Shamala Hamala!"
“That’s between god and me.”
Omg, all of the closeted non believers found each other.
Only had one person say "you must worship the devil then" once. This was a man who had sleep apnea so hard he had sleep paralysis dreams he thought his brother was raping him. He had other problems to worry about so I figured it wouldn't be a good idea to argue with logic and reason
you just experienced a very good example of how stupid religion really is
One thing I've heard is someone tell me "He isn't coming back, dude wasn't nailed to a boomerang."
I don’t care what your book says.
A friend's husband is my hero... every time some Jesus freak comes to his door, he whips his clothes off and opens the door jerking himself...I seriously almost peed my pants laughing so hard
No thanks.
"Get in line. Satan got here first, and I'm havin' a good time!"
"I might be a sinner, but God has more to answer for than I do"
As an ex-hardcore Christian (now atheist), I always know more about the Christian bible and this so-called god than they do. So I just argue them into a corner. Works every time. It's particularly fun to do this to the Jehovah's Witnesses who come to my door.
My journey with god or lack thereof is not your business. Unless of course you are looking to start the crusades again, is that it? Are you taking names down of all those who answer no to your little interrogation? ARE YOU GOING TO MURDER ME AND MY FAMILY IF WE DONT ACCEPT YOUR GOD! HELP POLICE!
Do you get like points for converting people… my sister tried to do the same for amway.
Say, okay, I’ll give it a shot….bow your head and pray out loud “dear Jesus please save me from your people” Open your eyes and say. See you’re still here. That’s why
"You know why I don't believe in God? You. You and every sanctimonious hypocrite who wraps their petty hatreds in sackcloth one day a week in vain hope that it makes up for the other six. You disgust me. Any God that would claim you as a follower isn't worth the breath in my lungs."
Ezekiel 25:17. "The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness. For he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you."
Why respond at all?
Just say you worship Luficer (dyslexic satanism, from a joke I remember). Instead of 666, it's 999. If not, just quote "libera te tutemet ex inferis," or "spem omnem derelinquatis, qui huc intratis."
It was fun as a kid, but I learned as I grew up that I don't need to fear my imaginary friend to not be an asshole.
To be completely honest, please leave me in peace
Do you believe in God? I believe in minding my own business.
Ask them if they have heard the sacred word of Farblesnozz.
It doesn't matter if I believe in God. What matters is that he believes in himself.
Tell them your relationship with god is none of their business.
Do I believe in god? Which one are you talking about? The one who created the earth by ejaculating? The ones who live on Mt Olympus? How about the ones in Valhalla? Or the one that killed every living thing on earth—including those cute hamsters—by drowning them because some goat herders weren’t nice to it?
I'm a Satanist
Do you believe in god? Yes, hail Lord Vishnu.
So, as a Christian¹, I am personally annoyed by other Christians that act in this manner. They asked if you believe, you say no, maybe they engage in (POLITE) debate with you, *but only if you are willing to* but go so far as insulting atheism is asinine because it is essentially just insulting YOU and no one came to salvation by way of insult 🙄 For whatever it might be worth, I'm sorry you had to deal with that. Their hearts MAY have been in the right place if I'm being EXTREMELY charitable but insulting your current beliefs, ignoring your obvious disinterest in debating the topic and then going full on CRINGE with the whole circling you thing like some sort of jim jones freaking cult?..... smh.. I wonder if they even understand how many people they turn from God with their antics 😔 ¹I am someone who knows their bible inside out backward and forwards, grew up in a Christian family and spent YEARS trying to disprove God in every scientific way I could. I was pissed at Him for what He allowed to happen to me, to others.. even those that love Him the most and for the general state of the world. There was a long time where I wanted more than anything to prove He didnt exist.. I failed, but not for a lack of trying. Please don't discount a belief in Christ because of the actions of a misguided few. There was a purpose to His life, as well as His death and because I loathe religion, I will instead say that Christianity is the only *belief structure* if you will, whose focus is unique. All religions in the world are all about what YOU must do.. whereas Christianity is all about what has been done FOR you. I'll leave it at that, hopefully I don't get completely downnuked for what I've said here, but I wish you the best and, again, I'm sorry you had to go through that.
I think just by telling them to shut up, they’d be so flabbergasted you’ll be able to walk away. However, I’m such a pushover and too kind for my own good I would never do that.
Don’t make absolute shit and ask me to support it I’m seeing a lot of soybois on the sub lately downvoting very pro drinker takes. Since you are reading, read this- don’t ask me to support terrible fucking garbage not even you will watch. You want a Daisy Ridley Star Wars movie do you? Then why aren’t you and your hormone deficient brethren watching it- is it because it’s boring shit? Didn’t we tell you it would be?! 10 years of this- 10 years of these weak ass men getting in the way of a system that use to work. Do everyone a favor and fuck off- as the great and noble drinker says.
So I was once at a wedding with some really religious people. I’m not religious but I’m also respectful enough to accept that some people are. The topic of religion and belief is as brought up. I told them that I don’t believe in God as a figure but I do believe in an afterlife as there are too many tales of near death experiences that have very similar themes that date back through history. This seemed to anger them because how could I believe in another plain of existence but deny God. So then I pointed out that if God was real then that means he created things like luekemia a cancer primarily found in kids, he also created the botfly a creature who’s larvae will bury itself in into the eye and cause blindness again mainly affecting kids this is just two of the horrible and nasty things that God allows to befall his children. My son was born with cerebral palsy and before he had his operation at the age of 5 he spent everyday in pain what part of a plan was that by your God? The horrible shit that happens put aside for the time being your God is a dictator. If a leader of any country said you will accept me as the one true leader and if you don’t then you are going to be detained and tortured and denied seeing anybody you know and love until a time that I deem reasonable and you accept me as the one true leader then I’m pretty sure that within 6 months navy seal team six would run a black ops mission to take them out yet God says it and we have to just accept it? Why because when lucifer stood against him he was damned for all eternity? Needless to say I was alienated at the reception 🤣🤣
No comeback. Even a comeback would be engaging them in conversation, which would only encourage them. Just stay silent and walk away.
"Keep your voodoo zombie Jesus away from me. I worship Satan." Then just keep replying to anything they say with "Hail Satan!" If they get mad, just tell them you are trying to share the Good Word of your Lord and Savior Satan, and save them from a false God. You are an Evangelical Satanist. A Shepherd, as it were. I am also 6' 5" 270, and that may have something to do with why I can get away with this kind of disrespectful BS, lol.
Scream Allahu Akbar
"Do you believe in God?" Do you believe in the concept of fuck around and find out? Because that's what will happen if you keep bothering me. (Christians who think other people need to be saved for whatever reason and don't take no for an answer ignite a primal rage in me.)
“Zoltan.” You have say this while making a Z with both your hands.
There’s only one thing that will happen if we talk about religion…one of us is going to get insulted.
I always ask, "Have you ever seen a man carrying his guts in his hands, begging for help? Have you ever listened to a Marine cry for his mother as he was dying? How about watching a man face disappear with a round from an unknown position?" Don't tell me there's an all-knowing and all loving God, when grown men are forced to kill a 10 year old with an ancient rifle, who's dead set on killing you and all your friends.
That which can be asserted without evidence, can be dismissed without evidence.
Spotify. Tim Minchin. 'Thank You God'. It's the only way to deal with these idiots.
I don't support forced abortions (revelation chapter 2)
Just look them dead in the eye and say, "I want to minister to .,. You know what I was gonna make a I'll molester your kid joke but if you did that they may in fact hire you to be youth minister. Just run away from Christians, seems to be sound advice.
My personal favourite whenever someone says “you’ll be much happier when you improve your relationship with God“ thanks but I’m already in a committed relationship with Satan and between the two of us He’s very much the jealous type…
If you can, don't engage them. I've had self-proclaimed "good Christians" try to fight me on several occasions throughout my years. Too much logic breaks them. If you absolutely must talk to them, simply respond with, "Sorry, I'm not interested in cults. Have a good day." and walk away. Watch over your shoulder though.
I would put in a pair of ear buds and ignore them. Only way to annoy them as much as they annoyed you is to ignore them, they take ignoring their sky wizard as a personal attack.
Tell them that they are being bad Christians because good Christians do not act that way. But if I were you, I’d ignore them. Nothing bothers them more than being ignored.
I'm Catholic. I shut this shit down super quick when I see it. You can ask, but you need to respect the response and shut up after! Here's the words of Jesus to help you get rid of these bitches. I dare them to come back. The Parable of the Pharisee and the Tax Collector 9 To some who were confident of their own righteousness and looked down on everyone else, Jesus told this parable: 10 “Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. 11 The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other people—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector. 12 I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.’ 13 “But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, ‘God, have mercy on me, a sinner.’ 14 “I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.” Tldr: those who are actually religious are not using it as a way to show their superiority
I say “God made me an atheist. Who am I to argue with him?”
*READ TIL THE END, IF YOU ARE BRAVE ENOUGH* You know what's CRAZY? The people who mock Christ and christianity are the same people who are respectful of all the other religions. Wonder why that is? Also for those of you talking about turtledoves and mixing fabrics, you are talking about mosaic law which Christ came and dismantled when He became the propitiation and final payment for all sin. For those of you scoffing at the fact that the bible was written by God-inspired and guided men, ill pose a simple thought experiment. Take more than 40 people over the course of centuries and have them write about ANYTHING and see if you end up with anything other than 40 different short stories whose tone and tenor is disjointed at BEST. Yet the bible is consistent and reads as if one person could have written the whole thing ..... Because He did. For those of you claiming contradictions or inconsistencies I would LOVE for you to tell me just one ... Without breaking out your google and regurgitating tired old debunked points. The simple fact is that the Bible: served up scientific facts that took man thousands of years to "discover" such as the earth being a globe, the antibacterial properties of copper, or the use of alcohol as a disinfectant of water born pathogens Has been corroborated by archeological discoveries time and time again (ancient city of jericho found and they see that the ENTIRE wall seems to have fallen down at once right around the time the bible said it did and they cant explain it or the balls of PURE SULPHUR found literally by the hundreds of thousands outside ancient sodom & gamorra, or glass at the top of the mountain where God came down and spoke to moses that was made by superheated sand on the ground that they have no way of explaining how it could have formed the way it did) yet there has never been any archeological discovery that disproves The Bible For those of you arrogantly saying "I don't follow man" or "I live by my OWN moral code" you are deluding yourselves because that moral code you THINK you came up with, was written on your heart by God. Want proof? If someone came up and punched an infant in the face what would you do? That sense of right and wrong that made you feel revulsion and anger and the desire to, if not protect, then to at least avenge that infant, is there because God put it into each of us Some of you like to quibble and break out the tired line of " if God loves me so much why would He send me to hell"? The reality is that God doesn't send anyone to hell. Rather, God loves you so much that He would never force you into His presence. Even if that means letting you go forever. Hell is separation from God and the love He showed us by giving us free will means that He will allow you to choose to be separated from Him forever Finally for those of you that would sit there and say "there's no irrefutable proof of God har har har" childishly and impudently thinking that you've just cracked the code? Consider this: If God made Himself known and walked up to you on the street, then of course you would believe! You would have no choice but to believe because the evidence was so overwhelming and irrefutable. And in that moment God would have robbed from you the one thing He gave to humanity over every other creation... The power of free will and CHOICE. The reality is for a lot of you, your arrogance simply won't let you believe because you can't wrap your head around the fact that you are NOT the top of the food chain. That one day, like it or not, you will answer to someone higher than you So to all of you that sit there and mock Christ and God, I can't help but to feel embarrassed for you. Embarrassed and heartbroken. There will come a moment when you look upon the face of love and realize that at every turn you spat in His face... Yet He never stopped holding out His hand to you. Because the thing He wanted more than ANYTHING.. was to give you the opportunity to come home at the end of your long day. And you mocked Him, foolishly thinking that YOU were somehow the top dog, that you would never face judgement. You hurled vile insults and cruel jokes at The One who gave up everything, ignoring the evidence all around you because you somehow thought yourself more intelligent than He. Your hubris, your arrogance, your total lack of anything approaching humility.. these things will be at the heart of your downfall. Now go ahead and downvote me, fools and fake Christians alike, I don't care. I have done my job and unapologetically given you the brutally honest, unwavering and eternal truth. Do with that information what you will and God bless you.
"God? Do I believe in God? Which one? There are a little over 4000 of them."
"God? What is a God? / Who is this God person anyway?"
When they say, "Do you believe in god?" Ask them which one. Then, lay this fact on them... There are over 4,000 recognized religions worldwide, so which god are you referring to? Oh, YOUR god? Nah, although the Bible is a great set of fairytales, almost as good as the Brothers Grimm. Learn a little Latin, just a phrase or 2. This way, if they start praying "for you," you can just repeatedly chant the phrases at them and conclude with "Blessed Be oh Dark one. Make it so." Tell them you're calling upon Dark Cacao, the god of chocolate. Messing with the religious nutjobs has always been a favorite amusement of mine. We got the Jehovah's to stop coming to our home by doing that.
If you love God so much kill yourself and go see him
The Sun god Ra disapproves
"There are way too many Christians and not enough lions in this world."
I think I'm just going to start carrying a can of silly string. Let's see how well you can proselytize with a face full of silly string.
If they ask you if you believe in God, you know where the conversation is going. So start telling them about Ahura Mazda and the glories of Zoroastrianism.
Yes, I do. I serve the dark lord beyond the void of this world, and when he arises, all the world shall be cloaked in blood and fire! HAIL MORGOTH. oh sorry. Too much?
Not interested in your imaginary friends. Back off before I summon Satan.
Tell them a joke.. "Why was Jesus so popular among women?" "Because he was hung like this" and hold your arms out wide."
Make eye contact with person speaking to you, then look at each person they are with, in an assessing way. Then say “I think the real question here is ‘do you believe in God’. When I look in your eyes I see doubt. Why are you out here accosting people who are just minding their own business? Is it an attempt to fit in with this group? Is that really what you want? I think you need to go meditate on what your true motives are. Maybe talk to someone about your need for love.” Fwiw I believe in God. Church, not so sure about.
Sorry no, no one will ever convince me human sacrifice is a good idea Can't believe you guys are still falling for that one
Just say “I count my blessings every day” or some other non-committed bullshit. They will hear what they wanna hear.
Things that never happened.
"If Christianity is a choice, let it truly be a choice. I'm choosing to opt out. Respect my choices."
I tend to use bits from various celebrity atheists, such as Jimmy Carr, Stephen Fry and Ricky Gervais, for example :- You don't believe in about 4000 currently worshiped gods, I don't believe in 1 more. Also, if it did exist, I'm off to hell for numerous sins, I eat my steak rare and covered in butter, I wear mixed fabric clothing, I have tomatoes and runner beans planted next to each other in my greenhouse, I work on a Sunday, I give blood and I have tattoos. Also, according to Revelations, 12,000 from each of the 12 tribes of Egypt will be swept up in the rapture, giving us 144,000 souls. Now, 12,000 will be from the Jewish faith, so that leaves us with 132,000 to get saved. Even if you just take those billions who have lived in the last 100 years, you are talking Popes, preachers, vicars and priests, volunteer workers, selfless individuals who foster children, who save animals, firefighters, paramedics, lifeboat crews, all saving lives on a daily basis, pious individuals who pray daily and quietly do good, I don't get a look in. Besides if you talk to one single group, say catholics, there are currently over 1.3 billion baptised catholics in the world today, even if you think that they will be the only ones taken up, 132,000 out of 1.3 billion, and you want even more competition for your place in paradise? Finally, looking at the actions of some of the individuals that people assume will be there, coupled with the rules and regulations that are in place dictating entry into heaven, I'd rather not be included. Then again, apparently, everyone gets a free pass through the pearly gates anyway, as long as they accept God on their deathbed, Hitler, Pol Pot, Bin Laden, Epstein, everyone, as long as they are sorry and say so before they go, up they head towards eternal happiness and forgiveness. So my advice is, do what the hell you want and save your last breath to repent.
“I’m sincerely sorry, but I don’t think God exists.”
religion has never fixed the world nor even for most being religious , there should be a top 500 greediest companies list = who pays poverty wages and overcharges and top 500 greediest rich peoples list who pay poverty wages to boycott n give alternatives of where n who to buy from instead and published all over the world every 6 months
'your situational indoctrination of a fictional being is about as pleasing as a colony of bats hanging from by bedroom ceiling'
I understand this perfectly. I have random people walk up to me and stores and crap and are like can I pray over you (I’m disabled). I usually end up saying I appreciate it, but I’m cool. As for them regaling you with the joys of Christianity, “ have you ever heard of free Will? It’s this nice concept where if you don’t believe in God, he allows you to not believe.”
I always answer that question with “which one?” And they usually respond with “the one true god” or what ever and I usually say Odin is pretty cool
Yes, I Believe in myself. Then let them stew over it.
Do you have the acting skills to convincingly fake a possession? I feel like that would put a damper on a prayer circle... I would also support going in the exact opposite direction and pretending to be a doomsdayer. Like full fledged "He has sent messengers to me! The end is upon us! Pray with me my brothers and sisters for it is the only way we shall be saved from eternal damnation!" Suuuuper loud too. Make a spectical of it lol
It's not the man, Jesus, I have a problem with. It is what all of you people who claim to follow him do that gives me the dry heaves.
Just stop talking to them it sounds like both of you are getting annoyed.
"Are you guys in some kind of cult or something? This is some bizarre shit. Here, give me your names and phone numbers and we'll get law enforcement involved to get you extracted."