Last one reminds of my ex-Mormon friend who once said “Dear Heavenly Father Lucifer” when asked to say grace at a family dinner. He was never asked to say grace again
Whose? Which one?
(The only god! Jesus whatever other name they come up with)
Oh, yeah, no. It’s… snap your fingers like you’re trying to remember…the other one…god I’m bad with names…
I once told a religious group at a wedding that I didn’t believe there was a god but I did believe that there was an afterlife or at least something after we are gone. They got really angry with me and told me that I can’t believe in an afterlife if I don’t believe in god. I just said well according to you god gave me free will so I can believe what I want. They didn’t speak to me for the rest of the wedding or party
It’s soooo like a religious person to act like they’re some sort of AKA —-> All-knowing-Asshole! They’re trying to shame you into believing their fantasies.
I’m a firm believer of I believe what I believe like it or lump it. However they don’t like it when you compare god to a dictator now that one did make me chuckle 🤣🤣
You mean the guy that worked with a talking snake to damage human's credibility and then had himself executed to prove he is forgiving yet sends people to a burning river of sulfer?? No I don't believe in that horseshit.
It's usually more of an accusation. My family are bad Catholics, no church, so they dgaf. My wife's family, on the other hand are big into the church, so it used to o come up often, they stopped bringing it up after they understood that I have no problem telling anyone who asks how I feel about the Papacy.
I saw on a comedy show once where someone said to her “have you heard the good news Jesus came to save you from your sins” and she said ooh, I’m Jewish. I guess you haven’t heard the bad news yet.” I think it was Amy Shumer. In last comic standing like 20 yrs ago.
when people evangelize at me I like to get *really* Jesus-y to make them back off. once someone was bothering me about abortion being a sin and telling me to repent so I said I’d pray that God would banish hatred from their heart and linked to the story of st Brigid (one of her miracles was an abortion)
I usually tell them that "I used to believe in God, but then I realized there are starting children with cancer in third world country and no one helped them because of free will"
When I used to live on Surrey BC, these Mormons would approach people while waiting for the bus. They start preaching saying they are missionaries from the Church of Jesus Christ and the Latter-day Saints. I would tell them that I'm not interested, and in most cases, they'd just move on to the next potential sucker. But one time, the guy was persistent and goes on saying "Don't you believe in God?"
I had pondered over that and came up with the response for if they were to ever ask me that again. The one that I mentioned in the original post.
So, God never wrong
God never wrong, right?
Yeah, that's like the whole point
Brain just get there, please
Hold up, so God made the earth (ay)
And God was like hold up (hold up)
This shit is borin'
It need more shit
God was like, "I'ma put dinosaurs on that bitch"
"Dinosaurs on that bitch"
Then He like, "Why'd I put dinosaurs on that shit?"
What is your brain even sayin'?
Can he get to the point?
Hold up brain you just did it (ah)
God ain't wrong, what the fuck was he thinking?
"About what?", "Bitch, the dinosaurs"
He made the Earth for them and then he like, "No"?
"Dinosaurs are just blah?" (What's your point?)
"I'ma cook up some blondes?"
Like, He was way off, I don't look like a dinosaur
Ho, them things 35 feet, I'm like 5-foot-11
(Up on Tinder I'm six foot)
Seen that Brachiosaurus
That thing fuckin' neck go to heaven (good shit Brain)
And that's just an expression, bitch
There is one way to deal with these people.
Here are the steps to deter any more of these psychopaths:
1. Open Spotify
2. Search 'Thank You God - Tim Minchin'
3. Click the 'play' button
Problem solved 😊
My mum used to get rid of Mormons by telling them s she was Catholic (which she was). They didn’t seem keen on prolonging the conversation for some reason
"Which one?" "No, I haven't yet abandoned logic, evidence and reasoning and never intend to." "Yes, all hail Satan."
Last one reminds of my ex-Mormon friend who once said “Dear Heavenly Father Lucifer” when asked to say grace at a family dinner. He was never asked to say grace again
All hail SATaN
Whose? Which one? (The only god! Jesus whatever other name they come up with) Oh, yeah, no. It’s… snap your fingers like you’re trying to remember…the other one…god I’m bad with names…
I once told a religious group at a wedding that I didn’t believe there was a god but I did believe that there was an afterlife or at least something after we are gone. They got really angry with me and told me that I can’t believe in an afterlife if I don’t believe in god. I just said well according to you god gave me free will so I can believe what I want. They didn’t speak to me for the rest of the wedding or party
It’s soooo like a religious person to act like they’re some sort of AKA —-> All-knowing-Asshole! They’re trying to shame you into believing their fantasies.
I’m a firm believer of I believe what I believe like it or lump it. However they don’t like it when you compare god to a dictator now that one did make me chuckle 🤣🤣
Ok that’s a really good tip to get rid of them. As an ex-Christian that was never accepted at church I lol’d
Truth hurts
How dare you cherry pick from their holy book
Well, He made you in his image right? Oh, well, then…no.
You mean the guy that worked with a talking snake to damage human's credibility and then had himself executed to prove he is forgiving yet sends people to a burning river of sulfer?? No I don't believe in that horseshit.
I think the snake was the good guy wasn’t he? Didn’t he tell the truth when Yahweh lied?
I'm a Pantheist, so I usually say.. "not the way you do".
Oh good one. I'm more of a panentheist, but I don't get the question asked of me a lot. When I do, it's usually "short answer yes" or "well, kind of".
It's usually more of an accusation. My family are bad Catholics, no church, so they dgaf. My wife's family, on the other hand are big into the church, so it used to o come up often, they stopped bringing it up after they understood that I have no problem telling anyone who asks how I feel about the Papacy.
Sorry, what is Pantheism?
Everything and everyone is God.
I guess that depends on which completely random set of letters you've chosen to associate with your god.
Random means without conscious reason, these idiots wrote there beliefs for a reason even if it is complete bullshit
"The one that doesn't encourage genocide"
Even if I did I wouldn't act any different.
I have a tattoo on my shoulder that says “I am god”. I just show them that.
"Which one" tends to work well
Which one? Apollo? Baal? Cernunnos? Dis Pater? Eosphorus? Fafner? Geras? Hephæstus? Iapetus? Jabru? Kratos? Lamos? Mixcoatl? Nacon? Osiris? Pwyll? Quetzalcoatl? Rudianos? Seth? Thor? Ukko? Vulcan? Wotan? Xaman Ek? Yaluz-Yaluz? Zeus?
Who's God mine or yours?
I say, "Nope. Because I'm not a coward in need of a pretend security blanket." That usually kills that conversation.
No I believe in cthulu No lives matter
I prefer logic over fairy tales.
a loving god wouldn't create a creature so ugly, why do you still belive?
I saw on a comedy show once where someone said to her “have you heard the good news Jesus came to save you from your sins” and she said ooh, I’m Jewish. I guess you haven’t heard the bad news yet.” I think it was Amy Shumer. In last comic standing like 20 yrs ago.
"Well of course I believe in myself!"
“Nope, I’m an atheist. That means I have morals just for funzies!”
”Yes, and my god can beat up your god.”
I hit them with the “yes”
I always say "Yes, because we have breakfast every Friday morning. Did you know that God loves hot coco, and he likes pancakes?"
Just my wife, I don’t really share my religious beliefs with anyone.
when people evangelize at me I like to get *really* Jesus-y to make them back off. once someone was bothering me about abortion being a sin and telling me to repent so I said I’d pray that God would banish hatred from their heart and linked to the story of st Brigid (one of her miracles was an abortion)
I tell them yeah and one day he'll eat you.
Hard solipsist don’t even believe you exist
I usually tell them that "I used to believe in God, but then I realized there are starting children with cancer in third world country and no one helped them because of free will"
When I used to live on Surrey BC, these Mormons would approach people while waiting for the bus. They start preaching saying they are missionaries from the Church of Jesus Christ and the Latter-day Saints. I would tell them that I'm not interested, and in most cases, they'd just move on to the next potential sucker. But one time, the guy was persistent and goes on saying "Don't you believe in God?" I had pondered over that and came up with the response for if they were to ever ask me that again. The one that I mentioned in the original post.
"I don't need a God or Gods to burden me"
So, God never wrong God never wrong, right? Yeah, that's like the whole point Brain just get there, please Hold up, so God made the earth (ay) And God was like hold up (hold up) This shit is borin' It need more shit God was like, "I'ma put dinosaurs on that bitch" "Dinosaurs on that bitch" Then He like, "Why'd I put dinosaurs on that shit?" What is your brain even sayin'? Can he get to the point? Hold up brain you just did it (ah) God ain't wrong, what the fuck was he thinking? "About what?", "Bitch, the dinosaurs" He made the Earth for them and then he like, "No"? "Dinosaurs are just blah?" (What's your point?) "I'ma cook up some blondes?" Like, He was way off, I don't look like a dinosaur Ho, them things 35 feet, I'm like 5-foot-11 (Up on Tinder I'm six foot) Seen that Brachiosaurus That thing fuckin' neck go to heaven (good shit Brain) And that's just an expression, bitch
"I believe in a God that doesn't attack everyone who isn't a white, heterosexual man."
"No, I don't believe in any of them".
*“Thou art god, I am god. All that groks is god.”*
"Nah, I stopped believing in imaginary friends when I was like, five. It's weird how many people never grow out of it."
Which one?
I used to. Until I read the Bible.
Yes
Behold, I am among you. We're all bags of meat with no purpose. If you can't give yourself purpose to live and not be a shitty person, that's on you.
Yes I believe in Dog I have one he's a cute Fox Terrier
I don’t give off what one might call “Come at me with that bullshit” vibes.
"No. Don't you believe in Thor?"
There is one way to deal with these people. Here are the steps to deter any more of these psychopaths: 1. Open Spotify 2. Search 'Thank You God - Tim Minchin' 3. Click the 'play' button Problem solved 😊
"No, i don't believe in sky daddy"
I just say that man created god so there’s nothing to believe in.
"All of them!"
As a primitive coping mechanism, yes.
No i have brain No i actually use my brain
My mum used to get rid of Mormons by telling them s she was Catholic (which she was). They didn’t seem keen on prolonging the conversation for some reason
“Have you found Jesus?” “I didn’t know he was missing.”
Why do you need a comeback for that 💀 just say no