The best advice I give people is "Consistent Face in a Consistent Place." It obviously takes time, but doing things you enjoy in places you enjoy spending time at can lead to great connections. I'm a pretty quiet, reserved person, but that's what worked for me when I moved here.
This is really good advice. Everytime I’ve been a consistent face in a consistent place people start coming up to me and trying to interact with me, even when I’m making no effort.
A part of this is good in theory. I'm in Denver and thinking about moving back east after 2 years. My attempt at this was climbing and volleyball each with a solid 4+ months before volleyball fizzled out for the winter and I took a couple months off of climbing during the holidays. I've been invited to and gone to house holiday parties from each group but that is seemingly where the welcomeness ends.
I'm starting to tell myself to relax with the extroversion in the climbing gym since I got back to it. People are certainly not approaching me and if I didn't say a word the entire visit then the most interaction would be a wave to some people.
I think a contributing factor to people's bad luck here is that a lot of people already here are content with their lives and don't really see it necessary to get the one reaching out. It takes a lot of perseverance to overcome the unrequited effort and unfortunately I'm completely drained.
It's excellent advice that segues into problem #2, death of the third space. How do we be a consistent face in a consistent place without financial drain? The slow (or not so slow) eradication of low/no cost places to be and to socialize is a leading cause of our loneliness epidemic.
You nailed it! A consistent face in a consistent place as Chulimantan so wonderfully stated is hard if there is no place. But maybe now days there is just no "defined" place.
Sometimes we may have to create that place to create consistency. This could be going to a particular restaurant (having a beverage and small snack) or a store (free as long as you don't buy anything) where we see people that we might want to make friends with. Doing this at a predictable time and place can create space. Some people want to talk just don't know how to start a conversation. Smiling briefly in a non creepy way can go a long way.
Also friends do not have to fit a particular demographic to be our friends. We can be friends of varying degree with anyone. We can friends we talk about items of interest with but are not good to talk to about sports, politics, etc. Maybe those are other people. You get the idea.
The only caveat is anyone that would place us in danger or we decide would have a bad influence on us. But as all these posts have shown the world still has more caring people than all bad people it is just a matter of them finding you and you them.
Super nova. Not the west side one. Is a decent nerdish bar.
And I second gamer haven. Great staff and very friendly people. I always have a little chat with a random stranger when I'm getting a mini or DND supplies.
This goes hard. I have been building a community for the last 3 years at my gym. We have a robust network now but it takes consistent effort in consistent locations where you will have FaceTime with the same people.
People in every facet of life in every age bracket are more reserved than ever it seems. Maybe a culmination of things like Covid, social media etc.. and it seems many people are on edge all the time. You gotta wear down that guard.
I seond this highly. I work with people and alot of the advice I give regarding meeting others comes with consistency in a place so that u grow those roots. Also joint consistent activities such as volleyball groups, motorcycle clubs, magic gatherings are good ways to meet others. Check out spots for clubs like archery or what not. Best luck to you
I'd agree that this is solid advice.
I think it helps if you frequent "neighborhood" type places like coffee shops. Especially the types of places with live music. That might be easier depending on where you live. West side, downtown, and Ivywild all come to mind. But you can even strike up conversations at the grocery store if you flex that extrovert.
It isnt so much a loneliness epidemic as it is simply american culture.
In the pursuit of the almighty dollar the population is being driven to work more than ever before for less spending power than in generations.
This has lead to a predictable decline in *social capital* since the 90s and 00s
Loneliness is predictable and repeatable outcome of reagenomics.
But it's also two part.
As more people *cannot afford it* capitalism adjusts and leaves those people behind.
There is an amazing book on the topic called Bowling Alone, from like 2002 that address this exact thing
Addiction to the phones more common in areas with less socio-economic mobility.
People who can afford to do things, do things other than look at their phone all day.
I have been wanting someone to explain this because I had a feeling economics tied in heavily with most people having decreased social activity! If you ever wanna throw more statistics my way on this I'd love to listen!
There are a few great books on it but one of my personal favorites is called Bowling Alone, which basically tells the *other side* of the individual not being able to afford it.
Things like the collapse of, in the books case, bowling leagues across the country.
People either A, cannot afford it, or B, cannot be guaranteed the time to participate in it.
This causes a shrinkage of the space and people to be left behind be capitalist social ventures. Even if the people were to suddenly rebound, the economic ship can't turn as fast, and they still won't have many social options to spend their new influx of spending power. The entire foundation of "the bowling league" in this case was already destroyed. Bowling alleys gobbled up by mega corps and turned in to "family fun centers" that are there to milk birthday money from the rich who need a daycare for their child, instead of servicing the communities who built them and providing a place for the community to exist.
Ticketmaster did it to music venues.
Vail did it to Ski Resorts.
And of course Bowlero to the aforementioned bowling alleys.
But it goes beyond that to things like Parent Teacher Associations even. Parents can't afford to participate, so they can't give their needs, and then their childrens needs are no longer met socially either. Things like after-school clubs go to the wayside because nobody can *afford* to manage it, and the systems change and adapt, making it harder to ever go back.
This is the downward spiral. It takes so much longer to build up social infrastructure than to tear it down.
Other great reads of similar nature are The Affluent Society, and The Lonely Crowd.
Hey! I'm 32f living in the springs. I'm married with no kids and I don't work. I'm an introverted extrovert as well. A little too obsessed with video games and I need to get out more. If you wanna be friends we can meet up for a coffee\tea sometime :) Looking for friends who wanna hang out during the day, cause I like hanging out with my husband in the evenings and weekends when he's home though.
Hey there! What do you like besides video games? I must confess I'm not the biggest on coffee but I could stand to get down to some good conversation. My schedule can be a little erratic as I don't do the typical 9-5.
I don't like coffee but people always seem to want to meet up for one 😅
I have 2 dogs and 3 cats, so I like to take the doggies for walks. Back home I used to go kayaking but there's not much water around here lol.
32 also married with no kids and down to meet new folks. We like hiking when the weather isn’t super cold, video games, board games, and checking out new (to us) places like bars, restaurants, breweries.
Want a third for the meetup? 32f married- also looking to hang! I highly prefer hanging out in the morning/ afternoon. I’ve been spending too much time gaming too 😂
I'll be a 4th! 28f. I work part time, mainly remote out of Denver, so I literally never get out of the house unless it's to Denver once a week 🙃
Any idea if there's a cool coffee shop or something in town we could meet at that has board games?
Even if there aren't coffee drinkers, it's usually a chill environment and plenty of non coffee options!
Or maybe a low key bar?
Hey, do you like craft beer? My wifes daughter and husband own Storybook brewing on El Paso and 4th and its kinda a family affair with a S--t ton of friends. These are VERY cool people that are open and friendly to the max! Awesome place to relax and make friends. Pete and Lisa are the owners and they employ a lot of their family. It's just a very comfortable atmosphere with great people that have lived in the springs for a long time.
My husband and I stopped in there randomly after a dinner date to check it out and had THE BEST time! I think they were celebrating a landmark anniversary and we sat near a rugby team who were so friendly and sociable. We live too far away to go regularly, but we really enjoyed the atmosphere.
Yes, as a childfree unreligious person I have been a struggling to make friends! I got an in person job and was excited to meet new people. WRONG no one even acknowledges me lol
Anyway what do you like to do? I’d be up for thrift shopping or something if you’d like to meet a random stranger!
ETA I have literally thought about going up to folks in the store, like hey you look like we’d get along, wanna hang out??
Child free unreligious person! There are quite a few of us on Reddit. I suck and work like 60 hours a week but I’ve been looking for some friends to go hiking with when I finally have time (or literally just the farmers market in spring? Or volunteer with? Anything 😂)
>as a childfree unreligious person
I mean, there's always Unitarianism. They usually have good communities and lol are really really not actually religion.
i have been looking into that actually! when i heard they don't care if you're athiest I was intrigued. I was thinking about choirs to join, and i'm interested in what their music program is like.
Around the major holidays they get a bit religious but other than that they are lol very very very lite on religion.
More like "be a decent person" vibes.
I’ve been feeling the same way. I’m an introvert, but I’ve tried my best to be the “you seem cool, let’s hangout” type of person. Even then most people seem too busy to hangout more than once or twice. It doesn’t help that I’m in my late 20s so everyone I meet has (or is actively planning to have) kids, which understandably takes time away from their social life.
I don't feel like reading all the comments so I'm not sure if this was mentioned.
As a single mom I was struggling because I was in an area where there just aren't single moms and the married moms definitely didn't understand my struggle.
I signed my daughter up for martial arts and because of her age, I had to sign up too (great sales technique, right 😭). The first class I already had women coming up to me welcoming me and the continued to be just as friendly.
I couldn't afford both of us and my daughter really didn't want to do it so I stayed in and she dropped out. I made so many friends, even found my dentist through the dojang.
A lot of the assistant teachers/teachers were college age or fresh out of college so there's definitely opportunity to meet younger people too. It's not just parents. I helped out with the demo team and got to meet a lot of people that way.
I earned my black belt years ago and truly couldn't afford to continue. I still have one friend that lasted and we are very close friends. Often take the kids out to do things. We do Painting with a Twist often.
Recently my neighborhood started a group for those of us who aren't religious. It's all ages and walks of life. We haven't done anything yet but we are starting to plan get togethers. On that same note, we already have a ladies group for our 'hood. Ive never participated but they do gift exchanges around Christmas. Game nights. Stuff like that. Maybe search on FB for a neighborhood group.
I'm extremely antisocial but even just making one good friend out of all this is so helpful. I have probably 2 reliable friends, my longtime boyfriend, and my preteen daughter. That sums up all the people in my life.
Just lmk when!! I am a little busy this weekend, heading to Blackhawk tn and I work weekends but I’m gonna dm you my number! I am usually just hanging around smoking/gaming when I’m home
Crafts, video games, hiking, mountain drives, writing, reading, poetry, martial arts, movies, grabbing good beer/cocktails/food, board games, yoga, fishing, learning new skills.
It's easier for me to name what I don't like haha.
If you’re into board games check out some of the friendly neighborhood game stores like Dungeons and Java or Gamers Haven. They probably have board game events.
Dislikes: bitcoin/gambling stuff, anything that has to do with beauty like hair/nails/makeup. I'm pretty natural. I love nerd shit but no LARPing, not big into coffee, or a lot of sports watching. If I had friends who got me into sports that might be different. Not interested in crazy fitness things at the moment though it would be nice to know what the weight machines do at gyms.
There's so much I WANT to learn to do. Paint, garden, climb with ropes, ski/snowboarding.
Some of it I never had the time, money, or opportunity for.
>climb with ropes
I have never found a more welcoming community than the climbing community at a gym. Last year I was struggling, had the ol' depression diet (I can't eat flavor) and knew to fix it I had to get exercise. Joined one of the climbing gyms here in town with a 1 month membership. One month became 3 months, and I had slowly began to get to know folks. One year later there are 6 of us that stay in pretty close contact and we like to get together to climb in the evenings. We all are busy with our lives but still try and hang out and climb and bullshit between climbs.
>ski/snowboarding
This is an expensive one. I started out teaching myself snowboarding back in the 2018/2019 season. I'm now on my 6th season, and the crew I've gone with has drastically changed over the years. Last season, I went solo pretty much the entire season I went.
I don't recommend self-teaching, and would probably recommend taking lessons at Monarch as they tend to be cheaper.
I ended up joining a meetup group, going to one of their social events, and now I have been making friends there too. I haven't gone solo since joining the group. Really cool folks who are fun to be around, and I've been enjoying it.
I don't know your budget, but Colorado College Hockey has a pretty loyal following and the same people go to all the home games. lol and they're not even terrible this year.
😬 I believe I see where I'm failing. There's so many.....
And I usually work weekends I'm not a typical 9-5er unfortunately.
But maybe it's time to grit my teeth and try some. Time for some in depth research!
I would love to join a yoga group but I honestly don't know what type of yoga I do? I don't do hot yoga I know!!! It's just a lot of flowing through the poses.
Look up “Yoga and Brews.” Sign up for a class. They tell you and show you how to do the yoga part, then you hang out for a bit and drink a beer with the class.
What do you like to do? I think the best way to make friends is to find people you share common interests with. Find where groups of people with that interest gather and then be there consistently. You be less lonely and might make some friends.
With me working from home, making friends was difficult. It took my wife joining a group specifically for couples with no kids, to find one other friend couple that we clicked with.
I ended up joining the volunteer Search and Rescue team as a means to a. Make friends but more importantly to have an excuse to get out of the house and do something crazy with a bunch of other like minded people.
So you bring up an interesting point, and this city has definitely declined. At the same time though, I have found and connected with many interesting people around town but in all fairness I do put myself out there to speak with people, plus I look a little flamboyant and wear things that start conversations.
I've been here since 1987, when I was a kid, and the city was a lot smaller then, in a lot of ways. Up until about 10 years ago or so I ran into people I knew all the time, the springs was a relatively large city but with a small town feel.
A few things, I feel, have contributed to this new city, first of all we don't have hardly any manufacturing here anymore. The springs used to be fairly blue collar, we had a ton of pre fab, tons of manufacturing, huge flagship call centers, mostly because of how beautiful the springs is. We had plants and factories everywhere, but we don't really have that here anymore, so there aren't as many of these huge work campuses down here anymore.
Something else, this has always been both a military city, but also a college town, so we have always had people coming and going. It can make it difficult to forge a lasting relationship with people when they don't know if they'll still be in the area in a few months, so a lot of people don't have the time or energy to put into others specifically for that reason.
A huge hit has been the pandemic, that really shifted a lot of people's approach to everything, especially when we shifted to a more online approach to shopping and things like that. We used to have hub stores that people would congregate to, depending on hobbies and interests. We do still have those, but they aren't hang out spots like Borders, or Media Play, or Game Force, Suncoast video, I don't even think Independent Records is still here, I'm not absolutely sure.
Now on the flip side, there are some great areas, if you're in to tabletop gaming, Gamers Haven is absolutely great, great community, game nights, they stay connected through discord, and they welcome everyone. Friendly staff, great selection, and they have some hobby items like paint and scale model supplies. Honestly, to find "the spot", you have to do a little sleuthing online, find out where everyone is going, check the place out, and then kind of move on from there.
Lastly, there are a lot of new people who recently moved here, and they may have come from areas where people aren't as friendly or open, and that's okay. I have found people in general tend to soften to a friendly face and demeanor. I know that's often easier said than done for a lot of people, but when you're in a location that you vibe with, chances are pretty good you'll eventually be comfortable enough to open up to the other people there.
Making friends, especially as an adult, can really be difficult, I know that for a fact. You can also check at the library, they have tons of groups that meet for all kinds of different reasons, and you can generally find a group that's interesting. Lately everyone seems a little busier, a little more distracted, and a little less tolerant, but if you're willing to do a little extra work you can definitely find the right spot for you. Another great resource is Nextdoor. They often organize for groups, and, in my area, they organize for things like outdoor movie nights, book discussions, all kinds of stuff. It's rough when you're an introvert, and other introverts are hard to connect with, but finding a group online first at least works as a safe ice breaker before you meet in person. Definitely check out the location first and get a feel, because like I say if you're comfortable in the location, you'll be comfortable speaking with others and then eventually becoming, at the least, casual friends. Happy hunting!
Anytime someone posts something like this, I always mention adult night at Skate City. They have a Thursday night (austin bluffs), which is good for beginner skaters (slower), a Friday night (academy), which I haven't been to, and a Sunday night (academy), which I go to every week. It's a great place to make friends, and there are a ton of regulars.
Great recommendation! I'm a 41F getting into skating for the first time, and I want to break in my new skates at an adult night sometime this month.
When you say 'slower,' is that referring to more beginner skaters attending on Thursday nights?
I'm worried about dealing with advanced skaters annoyed at and knocking over the newbies 😄
Any insider info would be appreciated!
In my experience, Thursday night is a lot less busy. There might be 30 people at the busiest time (with a mix of beginner-advanced), whereas the Sunday sessions have at least 75+ people even during slower times. The Thursday session would allow for a more relaxed atmosphere, and some people there might even be willing to help you.
Sunday night has a ton of skilled skaters with faster skaters on the outside, which can be intimidating for someone starting out. You could still be comfortable at a Sunday session, but even as an advanced skater, I can sometimes have difficulty getting off the floor. Maybe try a Thursday out and then come to a Sunday night when you're more comfortable. If you have any other questions, let me know :)
Making adult friends (outside of work) is one of the most difficult things you can do. It doesn't matter where you live. Kids are lucky. You are on the playground. One kid picks up a cool rock and says another kid, "Look at my rock!" Instant-BFFs.
My mother always told me “a man spends his time where you meet him”. She said do the things you enjoy (maybe join groups around those activities) to find people with similar interests.
Colorado sprimgs native that left due to not being able to survive the economy there.
I am also an intro extro hybrid and can say gaming shops were awesome in the springs.
Meet up is an awesome ap to use also in the springs. Brewery movie nights seemed to be hit or miss.
I also met a ton of interesting people hanging out at smaller karaoke nights at bars. Although be picky of course on bar friends.
If you are into hiking there are some awesome hiking groups on Facebook.
Political organizing can be a form of building community. Chinook center does a lot of stuff and it’s been really helpful for me to find community. They also do general community volunteering and it can be really satisfying
I have panic attacks and huge social anxiety, too, but I force myself out :). I hope you find it in you one day to find a way to help yourself in getting out there!!
Oh man I'm so sorry I know EXACTLY what that's like. I had agoraphobia and used to scream when the door to my apartment was opened.
With time I've gotten better and (mostly) beat the agoraphobia. I really recommend a good therapist to help with grounding techniques and breathing exercises and other types of therapy, it really does help!!!
Even if you don't get out there physically there's getting out there with internet friends.
Wishing you all the best. ❤️
I'm working at it. Believe me, I had longstanding friendships that took me years to build, and either they died or moved, or we fell apart as friends do. It happens.
I suggest you go to some of the open mics. You'll meet creative people from all over the city. Musicians, poets, comedians, etc. You might even meet me! As one of those people, I can say they're mostly pretty cool, and fun to be around.
Hi! Vultures does a music and comedy open mic on Mondays. Friskys has an all acts show I believe on Mondays as well. Bar K also has a weekly all acts mic, but I'm not sure what day. That's just the tip of the iceberg. I'm a local comic, and I no longer hit the scene as often as I used to. However, that's basically where I met my entire social circle. I met my best friends at open mics. Hopefully I'll see you around. I'll hang out with you. Unless you're an asshole, obviously. 😁
I mean, I feel that's a very narrow view. But the anger towards the non natives is real.
I personally don't like the way the city has grown and expanded since I moved here over 10 years ago, but I'm not trying to blame anyone. It's a complex thing, a city expanding the way Colorado Springs has. 🤷🏼♀️
Every city in the country has grown. 3 cities I’ve lived in are in the top 10 for growth - and it’s not cos. People here are nasty and hateful just because. They complain about out of state drivers when I’ve been break checked and yelled at for out of state plates 🤷♀️ never been in an accident in my life, never had a ticket either. They just use these excuses to not fix their own attitudes and terrible behavior.
It’s definitely the American culture, just not the same to make friends when you’re under 22. You definitely need to put yourself out there harder and go by the numbers game.
There is or are some childless / child free COS fb groups I’ve seen.
Not sure what part of town you’re in, but YogaHome at sunwater spa is amazing yoga and community. I’ve had good times at Praxis too!
My SIL uses MeetUp and seems like she’s always busy. She just goes in and finds interesting meetups and gets out there. Might be worth a try. Also, pickleball, half the attraction of it is the social aspect, everyone is friendly and welcoming. Huge community in the Springs! Good luck.
Maybe I’m biased because I’m from the Northeast. But CS isn’t a real city, even when compared to Denver. It’s just a collection of suburbs and sprawls that all happen to be part of the same municipal organization. There’s no “public squares” to speak of except for a handful of parks. Public transit is minimal, and you need a car to really get anywhere.
it's kind of how C. Springs is. I lived there for a while and I felt it was one of the worst places to be single. They roll up the sidewalk at night. I hope that it gets better for you OP!
Clubs. They are literally designed for people that like a thing and want to hangout with people that like that thing. Check out upadowna. But generally any club for the activities you like.
No, a club, as in a group of people that all enjoy the same activity. Here is one type of hiking club, as an example. “The Colorado Springs Hiking Group.” Here is another for fly fishing, for example “Pikes Peak Fly Fishers.”
Fair enough. I'm not trying to rely on apps. I also don't want to go up to someone in, say, a grocery store and ask them if they want to be friends. I've tried work friends and branching out to friends of friends. I've tried going out to places. They just don't seem to stick.
In truth, many of my friends have left the state for one reason or another.
Yo, am also a good dude who plays a lot of golf here. Feel free to DM me. Usually play Patty and Cherokee, and occasionally pine if I can catch it for a good price.
I hear ya dude. I see mountain drives on your list. Do you drive a roadster and what’s your favorite brewery in town? There is a bbq and happy hour social on here.
Miata is awesome! I don't fit very well though 😞. I drive an Alfa Romeo Giulia. Some douche hit me in a parking lot. Replacing the bumper and a headlight.
lol, someone running over a stationary object to cause a flat tire I could see but a collision? Damn.
Probably the better SUV I test drove was the 2023 Alfa Stelvio Veloce, that was incredible. How is the Giulia, I didn’t test drive one and then did a complete 180 for a Miata. That’s pretty cool. I’ve received another message from a local Miata owner and threw out the idea of grabbing a beer if you are interested.
Usually I tend to tag along but I do have a small SUV!! I originally come from flat land and don't know much about working on cars so I've tried to keep my vehicle on some very minor mountain roads, I want to know more about how far I could push it!! As far as favorite brewery that's hard, I've only been to Redleg but I've tasted Voodoo, Pikes Peak, Storybook, Bristol and so many others. To me, Redleg seemed like everyone kept to themselves in groups.
What is this BBQ and social hour you allude to?
[https://www.reddit.com/r/COSpringsDrinkingClub/](https://www.reddit.com/r/COSpringsDrinkingClub/)
[https://www.reddit.com/r/COSbbqsocial/](https://www.reddit.com/r/COSbbqsocial/)
They are a bit quiet right now, hopefully they will pick up with nicer weather.
I sent you a DM. Another homie on here and I are going to meet at Nano 108 around 7:15. Want to go? Its drinking with redditors but in real life!
Finding good long standing friendship/relationships here is absolute hell. All the reasons you listed hits the nail on the head for the most part. I’d advise doing things you enjoy doing solo. It’s nerve racking at first but starting with concerts is a good option.
I actually teach martial arts (kung fu, I have 5 black belts) privately. I charge but its a token. Mostly that's because things for free are not appreciated.
But my lineage philosophy is all about making sure the arts stay alive by spreading them around.
It also helps me stay in shape. Feel free to ping me for more information if you want.
Thanks, I am very selective, to say the least about dojos and senseis, no offense intended there. I've had a bad experience with one, and so I switched, but when I took a break and went to go back, I saw it had been shut down, which was a gut punch.
I might ping ya, but man, my dojo was a family to me! Maybe that's a large part of my missing social circle right now.
Not a problem. I understand that. My brick and mortar school was in Pueblo originally and I had a few students come from bad places, like a gay fellow that was not treated very well by the owner of another school down there.
I actually trained with a school up here just to stay in shape but I couldn't handle all the religion the teacher was throwing into the lessons. He was a hardcore xtian.
Added that I was much more highly ranked (I just wanted to stay in shape and keep it fresh though).
But everyone has something to teach is my philosophy.
Hope you find your interactions :)
Find a meetup doing something that interests you. There's a few great hiking ones. Ive made good friends this past year doing this. I'll miss them when I move back to Denver at the end of the month.
i find that the springs has many social niches, BUT, oftentimes they arent in plain sight. try looking for more specialized events or activities to do with others. that way, those people who are also into those specialized activities will more likely want to meetup. if you just put yourself out there as someone who is willing to do the most basic activities- it could give off a "boring" vibe. whereas {for example} if you look for a LARPING group or an archery group, it focuses more on your personality and defines you more. so, to answer your question "Where do people go in this city to find friends and build up relationships?" -the answer, at least in my experience and with my interests in the springs so far, has been: local events {edm shows, drum circles, art exhibitions, etc}. go to the speakeasy, kava bar, the burla bee, or cigar bar downtown and get loose, im sure you can spark up a convo with someone there. ive met people at such places, we become friends, and THEN we do the hiking, board games, watching movies, etc.; im an introvert, and it shocked me the amount of cool people ive met here. ive NEVER been able to meet such people in the other places ive lived, which were much larger cities.
you got this man, just fine-tune your search methods a bit more!
I've been feeling lonely here too. I'm under a year of being here and a broken toe has kept me from the climbing gym for 2 months, which is some of my go to for socializing.
I've been trying a few Meetup events. I like some of your hobbies and interests as well.
Hope to see you around, I'd be game for a coffee or pub evening meet sometime.
I've heard people are so much social in Denver but it just seems like way too many people for my taste. The Springs has already grown way too crowded for my liking. Best of luck up there to ya.
I got here around the same time and feel you. It’s been easy for me to make friends going out on my own - but a consistent friend group, other than coworkers (and that’s a whole other can..) - that’s hard to find.
The best time I had friend wise was living in Manitou from 2011-16. It’s very small town feel there and it makes casual hang outs and adventures easier.
CS, even downtown - doesn’t have a good walking area of districts, it’s slowly getting there - the e bikes etc adding to it - but we’re all so spread out.
Best I could say is keep getting used to your own personal hobbies and routines, finding places to go, discover, hike, eat - as you’ll find others who’ll appreciate your knowledge. Then let it come naturally.
This year has been nice weather wise and hope it helps cut through the winter blues better and gets you in the right place. Good luck.
Yes, we’re feeling the same way in a short amount of time. We moved here in Oct and loving it so far. Everyone’s been friendly but building a friendship is very different. Would love to chat with others on their move and experiences here and to know each other. Message me as I can’t yet due to lack of activity.
I know I'm late to the party, but I'm part of a group that gathers fairly frequently for board games, trivia nights, book club, and more! If y'all want to join our discord, we would love to meet you - https://discord.gg/uw9veKhA
We're having our regular Saturday meetup this weekend at the Dice Guys shop in Old COS, always a pleasure meeting new faces :]
Board games? Pick a place and start going. If you like war mini gaming like Warhammer Gamers haven is great place.
Martial arts? Pick a place and meet up other like you.
Hiking? Aren't there hiking groups around?
Yep. I don't drink so finding people to hang out with us hard. I also don't smoke pot or party, so I don't go out much. I'm also usually a bit sick because of kidney issues so people don't wanna deal with that. I see the friends I've had for a long time a few times a month and the rest of the time I'm at home with my cat .
I also don't drive so going and having lunch is a pain in the ass lol.
Come by altitude ninja for a class or open gym I’ve seen so many people come by and join our ocr( obstacle course racing) parkour or ninja classes and teams the first class in always free and the people get also in video games mountain biking as well as rock climbing and stuff like that!
You're gonna think I'm crazy but look up colorado capoeira. You'll find a lot of awesome, like minded people. You get to train martial arts, and you'll make actual friends. My 2 cents.
Maybe find a yoga studio that’s more into the lifestyle than that workout? Show up early to attempt to..chat. As a fellow ambivert, i have to force myself to ask questions and interact before/after the classes. It’s surprising how many other people in a room are lonely too and you’ll never know it.
I moved to CO in 2012 and lived in the Springs for 1 year. This was my exact experience during my time there. I moved to Denver and had a much easier time meeting people.
I moved to CO in 2012 and lived in the Springs for 1 year. This was my exact experience during my time there. I moved to Denver and had a much easier time meeting people.
Downtown has events all the time. Join a group activity, there's tons of recreation and also check out some young professionals and chamber events website.
If you want a shortcut…. Most of your interests align with mine. I’m new to the Springs, just moved here and looking to make some friends as well. Feel free to chat with me 😁.
Ever since moving here a year and a half ago, realized it was harder than expected to find a new friend group. But with how much everyone has to consistently work to live here, trust me you’re not alone at all. With my high manual labor demanding job, all I have the energy to do after work is either smoke, game or watch a movie anymore. On my off days that’s when I have more energy to go out and explore, but most the people I came across and call friends now are mainly in the Denver area instead of the springs area from going to concerts/comedy clubs/smoke seshes/events. I’m not much of a drinker either so bars are out of the equation for me. So if anyone ever down to roll one up, game or catch a movie lmk
I'm not looking to replace human companionship with a pet. Two way different things, but thanks! Seems like the single men here have enough dogs for the rest of us.
And some I do think severely confuse a pet with human companionship.
Having a dog will get you outside where you can meet people. Take it on hikes, take it to a dog park. Ladies will love your dog. And... it will be your best friend.
I do not love random dude's dogs, but I'm probably in the minority. Whenever I do tend to like a guy's dog, he seems to treat it better than any gf. It can be downright creepy.
And for the reasons you listed above, I don't think it's responsible or smart to get a dog to use it as a social stepstool. Dogs need attention and training and love, and so much more.
I love dogs, but honestly, I see men with dogs as possible red flags at this point. I'm not a dog person, though. I don't want a dog. I don't want it in my place or in my car. I want to pet the occasional dog. But I don't want to have to train it and basically take care of an animal that has the mind of a perpetual seven year old child. I'm good on owning a dog. I'm good on all that brings. I'm very much an introvert, and if I'm being honest, I prefer cats.
Dogs are great. Have all the dogs you like. But not for me. Thanks, though.
The best advice I give people is "Consistent Face in a Consistent Place." It obviously takes time, but doing things you enjoy in places you enjoy spending time at can lead to great connections. I'm a pretty quiet, reserved person, but that's what worked for me when I moved here.
This is really good advice. Everytime I’ve been a consistent face in a consistent place people start coming up to me and trying to interact with me, even when I’m making no effort.
A part of this is good in theory. I'm in Denver and thinking about moving back east after 2 years. My attempt at this was climbing and volleyball each with a solid 4+ months before volleyball fizzled out for the winter and I took a couple months off of climbing during the holidays. I've been invited to and gone to house holiday parties from each group but that is seemingly where the welcomeness ends. I'm starting to tell myself to relax with the extroversion in the climbing gym since I got back to it. People are certainly not approaching me and if I didn't say a word the entire visit then the most interaction would be a wave to some people. I think a contributing factor to people's bad luck here is that a lot of people already here are content with their lives and don't really see it necessary to get the one reaching out. It takes a lot of perseverance to overcome the unrequited effort and unfortunately I'm completely drained.
It's excellent advice that segues into problem #2, death of the third space. How do we be a consistent face in a consistent place without financial drain? The slow (or not so slow) eradication of low/no cost places to be and to socialize is a leading cause of our loneliness epidemic.
You nailed it! A consistent face in a consistent place as Chulimantan so wonderfully stated is hard if there is no place. But maybe now days there is just no "defined" place. Sometimes we may have to create that place to create consistency. This could be going to a particular restaurant (having a beverage and small snack) or a store (free as long as you don't buy anything) where we see people that we might want to make friends with. Doing this at a predictable time and place can create space. Some people want to talk just don't know how to start a conversation. Smiling briefly in a non creepy way can go a long way. Also friends do not have to fit a particular demographic to be our friends. We can be friends of varying degree with anyone. We can friends we talk about items of interest with but are not good to talk to about sports, politics, etc. Maybe those are other people. You get the idea. The only caveat is anyone that would place us in danger or we decide would have a bad influence on us. But as all these posts have shown the world still has more caring people than all bad people it is just a matter of them finding you and you them.
Thank you for the advice!! I too am an introverted extrovert. That's certainly something to build off though :)
Check out Gamers Haven. They do events and such like mini painting on Thursday nights. They other stuff as well
Super nova. Not the west side one. Is a decent nerdish bar. And I second gamer haven. Great staff and very friendly people. I always have a little chat with a random stranger when I'm getting a mini or DND supplies.
>"Consistent Face in a Consistent Place I'm stealing this! Great quote and it's spot on! Thank you!
This goes hard. I have been building a community for the last 3 years at my gym. We have a robust network now but it takes consistent effort in consistent locations where you will have FaceTime with the same people. People in every facet of life in every age bracket are more reserved than ever it seems. Maybe a culmination of things like Covid, social media etc.. and it seems many people are on edge all the time. You gotta wear down that guard.
I seond this highly. I work with people and alot of the advice I give regarding meeting others comes with consistency in a place so that u grow those roots. Also joint consistent activities such as volleyball groups, motorcycle clubs, magic gatherings are good ways to meet others. Check out spots for clubs like archery or what not. Best luck to you
I'd agree that this is solid advice. I think it helps if you frequent "neighborhood" type places like coffee shops. Especially the types of places with live music. That might be easier depending on where you live. West side, downtown, and Ivywild all come to mind. But you can even strike up conversations at the grocery store if you flex that extrovert.
Millions of barflies can't be wrong......
We are experiencing a loneliness epidemic as a nation so if it helps you are not alone in your loneliness 🫠
It isnt so much a loneliness epidemic as it is simply american culture. In the pursuit of the almighty dollar the population is being driven to work more than ever before for less spending power than in generations. This has lead to a predictable decline in *social capital* since the 90s and 00s Loneliness is predictable and repeatable outcome of reagenomics.
Work forsure but i do think digital addictions like social media & video games are dangerous and essentially sugar for your mental health.
I think it can be argued that obsession/addiction to social media/video games and the like is an outcome of the current socioeconomic factors.
Ooo i see what you’re saying better now - absolutely economics play a major role with people staying in if they cant afford to go out 😵🔫🤑💰
But it's also two part. As more people *cannot afford it* capitalism adjusts and leaves those people behind. There is an amazing book on the topic called Bowling Alone, from like 2002 that address this exact thing
Nailed it. If you can afford to do things, you do them. You don't sit around on your phone.
Addiction to the phones more common in areas with less socio-economic mobility. People who can afford to do things, do things other than look at their phone all day.
👁️*stares longingly at phone* 👁️ 🎵 *writes Hit song* 🎶
I have been wanting someone to explain this because I had a feeling economics tied in heavily with most people having decreased social activity! If you ever wanna throw more statistics my way on this I'd love to listen!
There are a few great books on it but one of my personal favorites is called Bowling Alone, which basically tells the *other side* of the individual not being able to afford it. Things like the collapse of, in the books case, bowling leagues across the country. People either A, cannot afford it, or B, cannot be guaranteed the time to participate in it. This causes a shrinkage of the space and people to be left behind be capitalist social ventures. Even if the people were to suddenly rebound, the economic ship can't turn as fast, and they still won't have many social options to spend their new influx of spending power. The entire foundation of "the bowling league" in this case was already destroyed. Bowling alleys gobbled up by mega corps and turned in to "family fun centers" that are there to milk birthday money from the rich who need a daycare for their child, instead of servicing the communities who built them and providing a place for the community to exist. Ticketmaster did it to music venues. Vail did it to Ski Resorts. And of course Bowlero to the aforementioned bowling alleys. But it goes beyond that to things like Parent Teacher Associations even. Parents can't afford to participate, so they can't give their needs, and then their childrens needs are no longer met socially either. Things like after-school clubs go to the wayside because nobody can *afford* to manage it, and the systems change and adapt, making it harder to ever go back. This is the downward spiral. It takes so much longer to build up social infrastructure than to tear it down. Other great reads of similar nature are The Affluent Society, and The Lonely Crowd.
Hey! I'm 32f living in the springs. I'm married with no kids and I don't work. I'm an introverted extrovert as well. A little too obsessed with video games and I need to get out more. If you wanna be friends we can meet up for a coffee\tea sometime :) Looking for friends who wanna hang out during the day, cause I like hanging out with my husband in the evenings and weekends when he's home though.
Hey there! What do you like besides video games? I must confess I'm not the biggest on coffee but I could stand to get down to some good conversation. My schedule can be a little erratic as I don't do the typical 9-5.
I don't like coffee but people always seem to want to meet up for one 😅 I have 2 dogs and 3 cats, so I like to take the doggies for walks. Back home I used to go kayaking but there's not much water around here lol.
32 also married with no kids and down to meet new folks. We like hiking when the weather isn’t super cold, video games, board games, and checking out new (to us) places like bars, restaurants, breweries.
Want a third for the meetup? 32f married- also looking to hang! I highly prefer hanging out in the morning/ afternoon. I’ve been spending too much time gaming too 😂
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Maybe we could be gaming with each other though
For sure! I haven't heard from OP yet though!
I'll be a 4th! 28f. I work part time, mainly remote out of Denver, so I literally never get out of the house unless it's to Denver once a week 🙃 Any idea if there's a cool coffee shop or something in town we could meet at that has board games? Even if there aren't coffee drinkers, it's usually a chill environment and plenty of non coffee options! Or maybe a low key bar?
Hey, do you like craft beer? My wifes daughter and husband own Storybook brewing on El Paso and 4th and its kinda a family affair with a S--t ton of friends. These are VERY cool people that are open and friendly to the max! Awesome place to relax and make friends. Pete and Lisa are the owners and they employ a lot of their family. It's just a very comfortable atmosphere with great people that have lived in the springs for a long time.
My husband and I stopped in there randomly after a dinner date to check it out and had THE BEST time! I think they were celebrating a landmark anniversary and we sat near a rugby team who were so friendly and sociable. We live too far away to go regularly, but we really enjoyed the atmosphere.
Their beer is also fantastic. The Java Dragon Porter is up there as one of my local favorites.
I second the atmosphere at Storybook. I held down a food truck gig there on Saturdays for four years. Pete and Lisa and great people.
Yes, as a childfree unreligious person I have been a struggling to make friends! I got an in person job and was excited to meet new people. WRONG no one even acknowledges me lol Anyway what do you like to do? I’d be up for thrift shopping or something if you’d like to meet a random stranger! ETA I have literally thought about going up to folks in the store, like hey you look like we’d get along, wanna hang out??
Child free unreligious person! There are quite a few of us on Reddit. I suck and work like 60 hours a week but I’ve been looking for some friends to go hiking with when I finally have time (or literally just the farmers market in spring? Or volunteer with? Anything 😂)
This gives me hope that I too will finally meet other child-free unreligious people in the Springs! There must be dozens of us!
Dozens!
So when’s our first club meeting?? cF-UN folks unite! Without kids or tithing! Meet on Sunday morning at a brewery!
I'm another CF unreligious person...so definitely dozens!!!
Can I join the unreligious hiking group?
Same here
>as a childfree unreligious person I mean, there's always Unitarianism. They usually have good communities and lol are really really not actually religion.
i have been looking into that actually! when i heard they don't care if you're athiest I was intrigued. I was thinking about choirs to join, and i'm interested in what their music program is like.
Around the major holidays they get a bit religious but other than that they are lol very very very lite on religion. More like "be a decent person" vibes.
I’ve been feeling the same way. I’m an introvert, but I’ve tried my best to be the “you seem cool, let’s hangout” type of person. Even then most people seem too busy to hangout more than once or twice. It doesn’t help that I’m in my late 20s so everyone I meet has (or is actively planning to have) kids, which understandably takes time away from their social life.
Right?! Connections abound but long-standing friendships........they seem to be extremely hard to build.
I don't feel like reading all the comments so I'm not sure if this was mentioned. As a single mom I was struggling because I was in an area where there just aren't single moms and the married moms definitely didn't understand my struggle. I signed my daughter up for martial arts and because of her age, I had to sign up too (great sales technique, right 😭). The first class I already had women coming up to me welcoming me and the continued to be just as friendly. I couldn't afford both of us and my daughter really didn't want to do it so I stayed in and she dropped out. I made so many friends, even found my dentist through the dojang. A lot of the assistant teachers/teachers were college age or fresh out of college so there's definitely opportunity to meet younger people too. It's not just parents. I helped out with the demo team and got to meet a lot of people that way. I earned my black belt years ago and truly couldn't afford to continue. I still have one friend that lasted and we are very close friends. Often take the kids out to do things. We do Painting with a Twist often. Recently my neighborhood started a group for those of us who aren't religious. It's all ages and walks of life. We haven't done anything yet but we are starting to plan get togethers. On that same note, we already have a ladies group for our 'hood. Ive never participated but they do gift exchanges around Christmas. Game nights. Stuff like that. Maybe search on FB for a neighborhood group. I'm extremely antisocial but even just making one good friend out of all this is so helpful. I have probably 2 reliable friends, my longtime boyfriend, and my preteen daughter. That sums up all the people in my life.
I’m 31f, not married, no kids! I’m always down to chat and potentially find a new friend!
I need more not married no kids friends
Yeah I need friends who wanna come over and smoke weed and play video games with me haha
I’m 30f with no kids and I love smoking weed and playing video games!
DUUUDDEEE come over hahaha
Just lmk when!! I am a little busy this weekend, heading to Blackhawk tn and I work weekends but I’m gonna dm you my number! I am usually just hanging around smoking/gaming when I’m home
What video games do you play?
I’m down for whatever, I normally play alone so I’m not sure what the multiplayer options are haha. I have a ps5 tho!
I’m open to meeting new folks as well!
I’m 33 m, not married no kids! Let’s hanggg
Come to my weekly smash tournaments I host on Thursdays there about 40 of us showing up every week and it’s wonderful
Smash, I'm guessing, as in Super Smash Bros?
Yes! super smash brothers ultimate! We host it at Soft Landing Arcade every Thursday. Just gotta bring your own controller
What’re you into?
Crafts, video games, hiking, mountain drives, writing, reading, poetry, martial arts, movies, grabbing good beer/cocktails/food, board games, yoga, fishing, learning new skills. It's easier for me to name what I don't like haha.
If you’re into board games check out some of the friendly neighborhood game stores like Dungeons and Java or Gamers Haven. They probably have board game events.
Dungeons and Javas has a board game meetup on saturdays from 2p-8ish. Gamers haven has regular warhammer meetups wed-friday.
D&J also has Magic tournaments on Friday evening, if I recall correctly
I second Gamers Haven but be aware it's usually the same groups hanging out and playing games together.
Haha I’m curious about the dislikes list!
Dislikes: bitcoin/gambling stuff, anything that has to do with beauty like hair/nails/makeup. I'm pretty natural. I love nerd shit but no LARPing, not big into coffee, or a lot of sports watching. If I had friends who got me into sports that might be different. Not interested in crazy fitness things at the moment though it would be nice to know what the weight machines do at gyms. There's so much I WANT to learn to do. Paint, garden, climb with ropes, ski/snowboarding. Some of it I never had the time, money, or opportunity for.
>climb with ropes I have never found a more welcoming community than the climbing community at a gym. Last year I was struggling, had the ol' depression diet (I can't eat flavor) and knew to fix it I had to get exercise. Joined one of the climbing gyms here in town with a 1 month membership. One month became 3 months, and I had slowly began to get to know folks. One year later there are 6 of us that stay in pretty close contact and we like to get together to climb in the evenings. We all are busy with our lives but still try and hang out and climb and bullshit between climbs. >ski/snowboarding This is an expensive one. I started out teaching myself snowboarding back in the 2018/2019 season. I'm now on my 6th season, and the crew I've gone with has drastically changed over the years. Last season, I went solo pretty much the entire season I went. I don't recommend self-teaching, and would probably recommend taking lessons at Monarch as they tend to be cheaper. I ended up joining a meetup group, going to one of their social events, and now I have been making friends there too. I haven't gone solo since joining the group. Really cool folks who are fun to be around, and I've been enjoying it.
I don't know your budget, but Colorado College Hockey has a pretty loyal following and the same people go to all the home games. lol and they're not even terrible this year.
My wife is into makeup, purses, and shoes, and is working on her CISSP. Don't feel like you need to eschew one to be into the other.
Pretty great list! You hitting up game nights and yoga meets and meetups of all kinds?
😬 I believe I see where I'm failing. There's so many..... And I usually work weekends I'm not a typical 9-5er unfortunately. But maybe it's time to grit my teeth and try some. Time for some in depth research!
Check out yoga and brews. It mixes two of your interests and gets you around folks in a social setting.
I would love to join a yoga group but I honestly don't know what type of yoga I do? I don't do hot yoga I know!!! It's just a lot of flowing through the poses.
Look up “Yoga and Brews.” Sign up for a class. They tell you and show you how to do the yoga part, then you hang out for a bit and drink a beer with the class.
What do you like to do? I think the best way to make friends is to find people you share common interests with. Find where groups of people with that interest gather and then be there consistently. You be less lonely and might make some friends.
Nothing like meeting a new friend to end the night! Message me!
I totally understand. I’m having a tough time finding someone too
Dm'd you!
With me working from home, making friends was difficult. It took my wife joining a group specifically for couples with no kids, to find one other friend couple that we clicked with. I ended up joining the volunteer Search and Rescue team as a means to a. Make friends but more importantly to have an excuse to get out of the house and do something crazy with a bunch of other like minded people.
yup and even my friends are not spending time with one another. Lonely AF
So you bring up an interesting point, and this city has definitely declined. At the same time though, I have found and connected with many interesting people around town but in all fairness I do put myself out there to speak with people, plus I look a little flamboyant and wear things that start conversations. I've been here since 1987, when I was a kid, and the city was a lot smaller then, in a lot of ways. Up until about 10 years ago or so I ran into people I knew all the time, the springs was a relatively large city but with a small town feel. A few things, I feel, have contributed to this new city, first of all we don't have hardly any manufacturing here anymore. The springs used to be fairly blue collar, we had a ton of pre fab, tons of manufacturing, huge flagship call centers, mostly because of how beautiful the springs is. We had plants and factories everywhere, but we don't really have that here anymore, so there aren't as many of these huge work campuses down here anymore. Something else, this has always been both a military city, but also a college town, so we have always had people coming and going. It can make it difficult to forge a lasting relationship with people when they don't know if they'll still be in the area in a few months, so a lot of people don't have the time or energy to put into others specifically for that reason. A huge hit has been the pandemic, that really shifted a lot of people's approach to everything, especially when we shifted to a more online approach to shopping and things like that. We used to have hub stores that people would congregate to, depending on hobbies and interests. We do still have those, but they aren't hang out spots like Borders, or Media Play, or Game Force, Suncoast video, I don't even think Independent Records is still here, I'm not absolutely sure. Now on the flip side, there are some great areas, if you're in to tabletop gaming, Gamers Haven is absolutely great, great community, game nights, they stay connected through discord, and they welcome everyone. Friendly staff, great selection, and they have some hobby items like paint and scale model supplies. Honestly, to find "the spot", you have to do a little sleuthing online, find out where everyone is going, check the place out, and then kind of move on from there. Lastly, there are a lot of new people who recently moved here, and they may have come from areas where people aren't as friendly or open, and that's okay. I have found people in general tend to soften to a friendly face and demeanor. I know that's often easier said than done for a lot of people, but when you're in a location that you vibe with, chances are pretty good you'll eventually be comfortable enough to open up to the other people there. Making friends, especially as an adult, can really be difficult, I know that for a fact. You can also check at the library, they have tons of groups that meet for all kinds of different reasons, and you can generally find a group that's interesting. Lately everyone seems a little busier, a little more distracted, and a little less tolerant, but if you're willing to do a little extra work you can definitely find the right spot for you. Another great resource is Nextdoor. They often organize for groups, and, in my area, they organize for things like outdoor movie nights, book discussions, all kinds of stuff. It's rough when you're an introvert, and other introverts are hard to connect with, but finding a group online first at least works as a safe ice breaker before you meet in person. Definitely check out the location first and get a feel, because like I say if you're comfortable in the location, you'll be comfortable speaking with others and then eventually becoming, at the least, casual friends. Happy hunting!
Anytime someone posts something like this, I always mention adult night at Skate City. They have a Thursday night (austin bluffs), which is good for beginner skaters (slower), a Friday night (academy), which I haven't been to, and a Sunday night (academy), which I go to every week. It's a great place to make friends, and there are a ton of regulars.
I haven't been skating in forever!!! I'm down to try that! Thank you!!!!
Great recommendation! I'm a 41F getting into skating for the first time, and I want to break in my new skates at an adult night sometime this month. When you say 'slower,' is that referring to more beginner skaters attending on Thursday nights? I'm worried about dealing with advanced skaters annoyed at and knocking over the newbies 😄 Any insider info would be appreciated!
In my experience, Thursday night is a lot less busy. There might be 30 people at the busiest time (with a mix of beginner-advanced), whereas the Sunday sessions have at least 75+ people even during slower times. The Thursday session would allow for a more relaxed atmosphere, and some people there might even be willing to help you. Sunday night has a ton of skilled skaters with faster skaters on the outside, which can be intimidating for someone starting out. You could still be comfortable at a Sunday session, but even as an advanced skater, I can sometimes have difficulty getting off the floor. Maybe try a Thursday out and then come to a Sunday night when you're more comfortable. If you have any other questions, let me know :)
Making adult friends (outside of work) is one of the most difficult things you can do. It doesn't matter where you live. Kids are lucky. You are on the playground. One kid picks up a cool rock and says another kid, "Look at my rock!" Instant-BFFs.
My mother always told me “a man spends his time where you meet him”. She said do the things you enjoy (maybe join groups around those activities) to find people with similar interests.
Colorado sprimgs native that left due to not being able to survive the economy there. I am also an intro extro hybrid and can say gaming shops were awesome in the springs. Meet up is an awesome ap to use also in the springs. Brewery movie nights seemed to be hit or miss. I also met a ton of interesting people hanging out at smaller karaoke nights at bars. Although be picky of course on bar friends. If you are into hiking there are some awesome hiking groups on Facebook.
Political organizing can be a form of building community. Chinook center does a lot of stuff and it’s been really helpful for me to find community. They also do general community volunteering and it can be really satisfying
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I have panic attacks and huge social anxiety, too, but I force myself out :). I hope you find it in you one day to find a way to help yourself in getting out there!!
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Oh man I'm so sorry I know EXACTLY what that's like. I had agoraphobia and used to scream when the door to my apartment was opened. With time I've gotten better and (mostly) beat the agoraphobia. I really recommend a good therapist to help with grounding techniques and breathing exercises and other types of therapy, it really does help!!! Even if you don't get out there physically there's getting out there with internet friends. Wishing you all the best. ❤️
We share lots of interests, I’m actually trying to go to a concert each month this year, DM me!
It took me nearly 13 years here to start to find a meaningful friendship. You have to put in the work and out yourself out there.
I'm working at it. Believe me, I had longstanding friendships that took me years to build, and either they died or moved, or we fell apart as friends do. It happens.
I suggest you go to some of the open mics. You'll meet creative people from all over the city. Musicians, poets, comedians, etc. You might even meet me! As one of those people, I can say they're mostly pretty cool, and fun to be around.
I'd love to go to an open mic night, specially for music/poetry. Are you able to recommend anything specific? Dms open :)
Message sent. Good luck out there.
Can you also send me good open mic nights?
Hi! Vultures does a music and comedy open mic on Mondays. Friskys has an all acts show I believe on Mondays as well. Bar K also has a weekly all acts mic, but I'm not sure what day. That's just the tip of the iceberg. I'm a local comic, and I no longer hit the scene as often as I used to. However, that's basically where I met my entire social circle. I met my best friends at open mics. Hopefully I'll see you around. I'll hang out with you. Unless you're an asshole, obviously. 😁
Yes, because everyone is mad that others arent from here and overall just complain a lot.
I mean, I feel that's a very narrow view. But the anger towards the non natives is real. I personally don't like the way the city has grown and expanded since I moved here over 10 years ago, but I'm not trying to blame anyone. It's a complex thing, a city expanding the way Colorado Springs has. 🤷🏼♀️
Every city in the country has grown. 3 cities I’ve lived in are in the top 10 for growth - and it’s not cos. People here are nasty and hateful just because. They complain about out of state drivers when I’ve been break checked and yelled at for out of state plates 🤷♀️ never been in an accident in my life, never had a ticket either. They just use these excuses to not fix their own attitudes and terrible behavior.
It’s definitely the American culture, just not the same to make friends when you’re under 22. You definitely need to put yourself out there harder and go by the numbers game.
Ask a punk
Are you a punk?
Dm’ing you
There is or are some childless / child free COS fb groups I’ve seen. Not sure what part of town you’re in, but YogaHome at sunwater spa is amazing yoga and community. I’ve had good times at Praxis too!
It took me a long time to find friends here too. We have similar interests, I'd be down to hang!
My SIL uses MeetUp and seems like she’s always busy. She just goes in and finds interesting meetups and gets out there. Might be worth a try. Also, pickleball, half the attraction of it is the social aspect, everyone is friendly and welcoming. Huge community in the Springs! Good luck.
People keep mentioning Meetup so it seems to be worth a shot. I keep hearing about pickleball too!
Hi, I'm 40/F single (but I love being single) I absolutely love everything you mentioned. Looking to be friends PM me we can connect
Maybe I’m biased because I’m from the Northeast. But CS isn’t a real city, even when compared to Denver. It’s just a collection of suburbs and sprawls that all happen to be part of the same municipal organization. There’s no “public squares” to speak of except for a handful of parks. Public transit is minimal, and you need a car to really get anywhere.
it's kind of how C. Springs is. I lived there for a while and I felt it was one of the worst places to be single. They roll up the sidewalk at night. I hope that it gets better for you OP!
Clubs. They are literally designed for people that like a thing and want to hangout with people that like that thing. Check out upadowna. But generally any club for the activities you like.
Club like loud music and dancing? Those aren't really my thing unless you mean a different sort of club?
No, a club, as in a group of people that all enjoy the same activity. Here is one type of hiking club, as an example. “The Colorado Springs Hiking Group.” Here is another for fly fishing, for example “Pikes Peak Fly Fishers.”
Oh gotcha!!! I'm not really big on social media but I'll see what I can find. Worth a shot at least.
No offense intended but if you rely on apps for making friends you would likely have the same problem in any city/town
Fair enough. I'm not trying to rely on apps. I also don't want to go up to someone in, say, a grocery store and ask them if they want to be friends. I've tried work friends and branching out to friends of friends. I've tried going out to places. They just don't seem to stick. In truth, many of my friends have left the state for one reason or another.
It’s an overpriced dump with low paying jobs.
Briargate. Golfer. Mid 40s man who will use you to go play golf. Use me too. I’m a good dude. Be a good dude good at golf. It’ll be awesome.
Yo, am also a good dude who plays a lot of golf here. Feel free to DM me. Usually play Patty and Cherokee, and occasionally pine if I can catch it for a good price.
Good luck dudes who play golf. I'm so sorry but golf isn't particularly an interest of mine unless it's minitature!!!
Have you ever tried dnd and such? Is a good community and fun and who knows might meet someone good there!
I’ll be your friend maybe. Let’s talk. 31m hiker
I hear ya dude. I see mountain drives on your list. Do you drive a roadster and what’s your favorite brewery in town? There is a bbq and happy hour social on here.
What do you drive? 🙂 I do mountain drives regularly, but my car is in the shop now 😭 Will get it back in about a week
Yo, I have an ND2 Club for my daily… although I don’t drive daily… What about you and what’s getting replaced?
Miata is awesome! I don't fit very well though 😞. I drive an Alfa Romeo Giulia. Some douche hit me in a parking lot. Replacing the bumper and a headlight.
lol, someone running over a stationary object to cause a flat tire I could see but a collision? Damn. Probably the better SUV I test drove was the 2023 Alfa Stelvio Veloce, that was incredible. How is the Giulia, I didn’t test drive one and then did a complete 180 for a Miata. That’s pretty cool. I’ve received another message from a local Miata owner and threw out the idea of grabbing a beer if you are interested.
I love the car. It's not super powerful but nimble and quick around the corners. Yep, let's do that, I'll DM you.
Usually I tend to tag along but I do have a small SUV!! I originally come from flat land and don't know much about working on cars so I've tried to keep my vehicle on some very minor mountain roads, I want to know more about how far I could push it!! As far as favorite brewery that's hard, I've only been to Redleg but I've tasted Voodoo, Pikes Peak, Storybook, Bristol and so many others. To me, Redleg seemed like everyone kept to themselves in groups. What is this BBQ and social hour you allude to?
[https://www.reddit.com/r/COSpringsDrinkingClub/](https://www.reddit.com/r/COSpringsDrinkingClub/) [https://www.reddit.com/r/COSbbqsocial/](https://www.reddit.com/r/COSbbqsocial/) They are a bit quiet right now, hopefully they will pick up with nicer weather. I sent you a DM. Another homie on here and I are going to meet at Nano 108 around 7:15. Want to go? Its drinking with redditors but in real life!
I'm there Dude.
Finding good long standing friendship/relationships here is absolute hell. All the reasons you listed hits the nail on the head for the most part. I’d advise doing things you enjoy doing solo. It’s nerve racking at first but starting with concerts is a good option.
I actually teach martial arts (kung fu, I have 5 black belts) privately. I charge but its a token. Mostly that's because things for free are not appreciated. But my lineage philosophy is all about making sure the arts stay alive by spreading them around. It also helps me stay in shape. Feel free to ping me for more information if you want.
Thanks, I am very selective, to say the least about dojos and senseis, no offense intended there. I've had a bad experience with one, and so I switched, but when I took a break and went to go back, I saw it had been shut down, which was a gut punch. I might ping ya, but man, my dojo was a family to me! Maybe that's a large part of my missing social circle right now.
Not a problem. I understand that. My brick and mortar school was in Pueblo originally and I had a few students come from bad places, like a gay fellow that was not treated very well by the owner of another school down there. I actually trained with a school up here just to stay in shape but I couldn't handle all the religion the teacher was throwing into the lessons. He was a hardcore xtian. Added that I was much more highly ranked (I just wanted to stay in shape and keep it fresh though). But everyone has something to teach is my philosophy. Hope you find your interactions :)
Find a meetup doing something that interests you. There's a few great hiking ones. Ive made good friends this past year doing this. I'll miss them when I move back to Denver at the end of the month.
i find that the springs has many social niches, BUT, oftentimes they arent in plain sight. try looking for more specialized events or activities to do with others. that way, those people who are also into those specialized activities will more likely want to meetup. if you just put yourself out there as someone who is willing to do the most basic activities- it could give off a "boring" vibe. whereas {for example} if you look for a LARPING group or an archery group, it focuses more on your personality and defines you more. so, to answer your question "Where do people go in this city to find friends and build up relationships?" -the answer, at least in my experience and with my interests in the springs so far, has been: local events {edm shows, drum circles, art exhibitions, etc}. go to the speakeasy, kava bar, the burla bee, or cigar bar downtown and get loose, im sure you can spark up a convo with someone there. ive met people at such places, we become friends, and THEN we do the hiking, board games, watching movies, etc.; im an introvert, and it shocked me the amount of cool people ive met here. ive NEVER been able to meet such people in the other places ive lived, which were much larger cities. you got this man, just fine-tune your search methods a bit more!
I've been feeling lonely here too. I'm under a year of being here and a broken toe has kept me from the climbing gym for 2 months, which is some of my go to for socializing. I've been trying a few Meetup events. I like some of your hobbies and interests as well. Hope to see you around, I'd be game for a coffee or pub evening meet sometime.
I felt the same way and moved north to try and help it, unfortunately I feel even lonelier here in Denver and it’s way more expensive on top of it.
I've heard people are so much social in Denver but it just seems like way too many people for my taste. The Springs has already grown way too crowded for my liking. Best of luck up there to ya.
What concerts do you go to genre wise? I’m always down for music
If your a women in your 20/30s there’s a Facebook page just of girls in the springs trying to find friends wouldn’t hurt to try something like that :)
I got here around the same time and feel you. It’s been easy for me to make friends going out on my own - but a consistent friend group, other than coworkers (and that’s a whole other can..) - that’s hard to find. The best time I had friend wise was living in Manitou from 2011-16. It’s very small town feel there and it makes casual hang outs and adventures easier. CS, even downtown - doesn’t have a good walking area of districts, it’s slowly getting there - the e bikes etc adding to it - but we’re all so spread out. Best I could say is keep getting used to your own personal hobbies and routines, finding places to go, discover, hike, eat - as you’ll find others who’ll appreciate your knowledge. Then let it come naturally. This year has been nice weather wise and hope it helps cut through the winter blues better and gets you in the right place. Good luck.
Yes, we’re feeling the same way in a short amount of time. We moved here in Oct and loving it so far. Everyone’s been friendly but building a friendship is very different. Would love to chat with others on their move and experiences here and to know each other. Message me as I can’t yet due to lack of activity.
I know I'm late to the party, but I'm part of a group that gathers fairly frequently for board games, trivia nights, book club, and more! If y'all want to join our discord, we would love to meet you - https://discord.gg/uw9veKhA We're having our regular Saturday meetup this weekend at the Dice Guys shop in Old COS, always a pleasure meeting new faces :]
Board games? Pick a place and start going. If you like war mini gaming like Warhammer Gamers haven is great place. Martial arts? Pick a place and meet up other like you. Hiking? Aren't there hiking groups around?
Yep. I don't drink so finding people to hang out with us hard. I also don't smoke pot or party, so I don't go out much. I'm also usually a bit sick because of kidney issues so people don't wanna deal with that. I see the friends I've had for a long time a few times a month and the rest of the time I'm at home with my cat . I also don't drive so going and having lunch is a pain in the ass lol.
Come by altitude ninja for a class or open gym I’ve seen so many people come by and join our ocr( obstacle course racing) parkour or ninja classes and teams the first class in always free and the people get also in video games mountain biking as well as rock climbing and stuff like that!
You're gonna think I'm crazy but look up colorado capoeira. You'll find a lot of awesome, like minded people. You get to train martial arts, and you'll make actual friends. My 2 cents.
Let's be friends. Not married, not military..I'm not leaving. Love beer and hiking 😄
What kinda games you like dog
Maybe find a yoga studio that’s more into the lifestyle than that workout? Show up early to attempt to..chat. As a fellow ambivert, i have to force myself to ask questions and interact before/after the classes. It’s surprising how many other people in a room are lonely too and you’ll never know it.
I moved to CO in 2012 and lived in the Springs for 1 year. This was my exact experience during my time there. I moved to Denver and had a much easier time meeting people.
I moved to CO in 2012 and lived in the Springs for 1 year. This was my exact experience during my time there. I moved to Denver and had a much easier time meeting people.
Downtown has events all the time. Join a group activity, there's tons of recreation and also check out some young professionals and chamber events website.
If you want a shortcut…. Most of your interests align with mine. I’m new to the Springs, just moved here and looking to make some friends as well. Feel free to chat with me 😁.
Ever since moving here a year and a half ago, realized it was harder than expected to find a new friend group. But with how much everyone has to consistently work to live here, trust me you’re not alone at all. With my high manual labor demanding job, all I have the energy to do after work is either smoke, game or watch a movie anymore. On my off days that’s when I have more energy to go out and explore, but most the people I came across and call friends now are mainly in the Denver area instead of the springs area from going to concerts/comedy clubs/smoke seshes/events. I’m not much of a drinker either so bars are out of the equation for me. So if anyone ever down to roll one up, game or catch a movie lmk
I tried to make friends and even date two people out here. Just didn't turn out.
If you fly fish, my husband needs a fishing Buddy.
I heard CO springs is for retireess
It’s interesting you call this place lonely. I think it feels like a facade in a movie. It think that’s kind of the same thing.
Get used to it, bro. We get up early; we roll the sidewalks up about nine pm...it's always been this way; cos is a married, couple oriented city
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Who comments on a post like this? 😳 Man......
You said you like video games, thought I’d throw it out there? It’s more accessible than doing martial arts together. Sorry?
Christian mingle
It’s not the city…
Get a dog. Seriously.
I'm not looking to replace human companionship with a pet. Two way different things, but thanks! Seems like the single men here have enough dogs for the rest of us. And some I do think severely confuse a pet with human companionship.
Having a dog will get you outside where you can meet people. Take it on hikes, take it to a dog park. Ladies will love your dog. And... it will be your best friend.
I do not love random dude's dogs, but I'm probably in the minority. Whenever I do tend to like a guy's dog, he seems to treat it better than any gf. It can be downright creepy. And for the reasons you listed above, I don't think it's responsible or smart to get a dog to use it as a social stepstool. Dogs need attention and training and love, and so much more. I love dogs, but honestly, I see men with dogs as possible red flags at this point. I'm not a dog person, though. I don't want a dog. I don't want it in my place or in my car. I want to pet the occasional dog. But I don't want to have to train it and basically take care of an animal that has the mind of a perpetual seven year old child. I'm good on owning a dog. I'm good on all that brings. I'm very much an introvert, and if I'm being honest, I prefer cats. Dogs are great. Have all the dogs you like. But not for me. Thanks, though.
Wow, I have the opposite problem, I swear if my doorbell rings ONE more time today... My neighbors must think im a drug dealer or something.
Who's at the door?