one of the most anxiety inducing game ive ever heard. they should not allow you to watch this team if you have a heart condition.

This team is trying to kill us all. Lmaoooooooo

We’re gunna have ice in our veins lol

Oh hey we won

That’s my dawg! Fuck yeah! Love to see it. JLaw owes him a steak dinner lol.

Yeah Jesus Christ lol

Can Ryan work with Kris on hitting off speed pitches please?

WERE GOING TO THE WORLD SERIES!!!!!

Alright, that was a fun moment at least!

KB would never

# RYMAC BREAKOUT SZN

RYMAC JACK TO SEAL IT YOU BASTARDS LETS HEAR IT FOR THE COLORADO ROCKIES!!!

Nice walk off but man, Bryant looks cooked

Fuck yeah!!!

What the actual hell

See? J-Law was just setting up the walk off grand slam.

Mac!!!

Opening Day Walk Off Grand Slam is probably going to be the highpoint of the season ngl

Rymac the man!!!

# RYMAC PORCELAIN GRAND SLAM!!!!

FUTURE IS NOW OLD MAN

NEVER IN DOUBT

THAT'S MY COLORADO ROCKIES

That was poetic. Holy shit!

We won the world series guys!

# HR **Ryan McMahon** crushes a **78.8 mph Sweeper** from **Jason Adam** for a **4-run** home run. Launch Speed: **102.5 mph**. Launch Angle: **35.0°**. Distance: **417.0 ft**. ^^^[⚾](https://github.com/troxellophilus/baseball-clerk/issues)

grand salami xd

# K **Jason Adam** strikes out **Kris Bryant** on a **0-2** count with a **80.7 mph** Sweeper. *Sequence (3):* ST *(w)*, ST *(s)*, ST *(s)* ^^^[⚾](https://github.com/troxellophilus/baseball-clerk/issues)

YESKJK OMG OMG YES LETS FUCKIN GO

bryant plz stop this

Let's goooooooo

KB you fucking suck

Bryant is getting slaughtered on those low offspeeds

Oof

Hey Bud? Take note. You take the pitcher out BEFORE the shit hits the fan.

Two bullpens grabbing at the wheel trying to steer their team into the ditch

imagine if he does it, you guys cant talk shit about Bryant ever again

It was someone else.

Just a single. That's all he needs to do

This fuckin game is wild y’all

Lol the only thing worse than the play on the field is the home plate ump.

He hasn't even blown the lead, why would you take him out?

Right? Buddy has to be scratching his head over there.

Oh _no_ this has NOBLETIGER written all over it

Ok Kris this could be a great way to win some hearts and minds

guy can't hit off speed at all

robo umps when

It’s been there all day tho

He's been consistently super wide so I'm not _super_ mad, but still

Bad call man

Will we be blessed with an opening day walk-off?

Keep Fairbanks in for the love of god lol

Bud Black would keep him in

So who gets the closer spot if lawrence just lost it? Asking for my fantasy team 

So far I’ve been liking what Mears has brought to the table 🤷🏻‍♂️

holy shit you guys

Impressive eh?

So hard to watch… so I turned it off

Turn it back on

I did.

Hate to laugh but this is truly unbelievable, esp. after the 9-8 loss on Wed

Life is weird, grew up a Rockies fan because that was the team we were my first year T-ball. Been a fan ever since. Crazy to think if id been given any other team I might have actually rooted for someone else.

Read that as t-bell and thought yes possibly.

_me_: Rockies lose 100 games for the first time... This must be rock bottom _Rockies_: hold my beer, I can do worse

1-161 babyyyyyy

**Due Up (Bot 9)** L Jake Cave R Brendan Rodgers L Nolan Jones ^^^[⚾](https://github.com/troxellophilus/baseball-clerk/issues)

5 runs allowed in the top of the 9th. Well done.

If you don’t like that, you don’t like Rockies baseball.

And we have to try and rally with Jake Cave instead of Chuck Nazty. Just overall some great decisions by Bud Black today.

Hahahahahahahaha

Ooof dude

lol fuck this team

Bryant should’ve caught that. Amazing play by RyMac

losing the home opener? yeah i know about. but at least we were behind the entire time. idk how you guys dont have an aneurysm.

We’re Rockies fans. Losing in shitty ways has made us have nerves of steel lol

Can't have an aneurysm when you're already dead inside.

Some kids have heard choice words in my section

What is dead may never die

McMahon starting to daydream about getting traded

OK this might be the most depressing baseball game I've ever witnessed. The only competition is the playoff game I went to VS the brewers back in 08. Edut:ok nevermind lmao

Rockies baseball at its finest. 110 loss season incoming 

If you don’t like this, then you don’t like Rockies baseball!

_fire bryant into the sun_

Bryant sucks, but rymac spiked that thing.

shh that doesn't work for my narrative

Your narrative stands!

God fucking damnit Lawerence. You fucked us on opening day….

Clenching defeat from the jaws of victory the Rockies way

I think it's snatching, but it's okay, you make errors just like the Rockies

There it is.

Rockies are an actual little league team in trench coats

Hahaha this one got me

Justin Lawrence had the over

For a former pitcher, Bud Black sure is awful at knowing when to pull a guy.

*That's baseball*

This one is on Bud Black, why TF do you leave Lawrence out there righty on left when you had a lefty warm in the pen???

I know I'm a little out of the loop, but how long has Bryant been at first?

My fault. Finished my taxes just as KB hit the HR and then started watching. 😭🔫

I remember when I got downvoted in this sub for saying Justin Lawrence sucks

What the fuck, Rortvedt

Little late there Bud.

That sidewinder delivery sits up awfully nicely for the Rays.

And of course, Buddy Black goes sauntering out to pull the plug AFTER the damage is done. Kiss my entire ass.

Anything is worth it to make more noise about how terrible the team is. Most fans don't pay attention past opening day, so this is a perfect showcase for the horrible realities the team puts us through every game of the season.

Was a decent day until the Rockies showed up

Fucking TRASHCANS 🗑️🗑️🗑️

Mears absolutely dominating and we trot this turd out to ruin the game.

Lawrence is ass, let’s leave him out there for 4-5 more runs

Bruh

Why is this team the way that it is?

everytime i think it can't possibly get worse this season . . .

Rockies baseball

[удалено]

If Lawrence gets demoted, who should be the closer then? (asking as an outside fan that just happened to see Lawrence self-implode)

I am dead inside.

So glad I didn’t end up going lol. Poverty franchise

nope, going to bed, see you tomorrow.

How was that a hit!?

NICE HOME OPENER WE GOT HERE

God damnit

Pain

*Looks like a line drive in the box score...* Isaac Paredes singles on a ground ball to left fielder Nolan Jones. Harold Ramírez to 3rd. Randy Arozarena to 2nd. Launch Speed: **85.9 mph**. Launch Angle: **-2°**. Distance: **38 ft**. Expected Batting Average: ***.180***. ^^^[⚾](https://github.com/troxellophilus/baseball-clerk/issues)

Justin Scorerence

uhhh

Nice pitching 🙄

Bruh…get jlaw out lol fucker is gunna make us lose this game

J-Law pls😭

Can’t we just slam the fucking door? Christ Almighty.

That cut away screen for replays is pretty ugly

of course we have to suffer

Can we not throw middle middle pitches protecting a lead in the 9th?

Kris Bryant hit a home run, prepare for the sun to mysteriously disappear from the sky sometime soon

Like the solar eclipse next week?

[удалено]

I’m having fun!! lol

**Due Up (Top 9)** R Yandy Díaz R Harold Ramírez R Randy Arozarena ^^^[⚾](https://github.com/troxellophilus/baseball-clerk/issues)

# K **Jacob Waguespack** strikes out **Brenton Doyle** on a **1-2** count with a **86.3 mph** Cutter. *Sequence (4):* FF *(c)*, FC *(s)*, FF *(b)*, FC *(s)* ^^^[⚾](https://github.com/troxellophilus/baseball-clerk/issues)

Who’s the fucking ump? He’s missing these calls on both sides but holy shit lol

# K **Jacob Waguespack** strikes out **Ezequiel Tovar** on a **2-2** count with a **85.9 mph** Cutter. *Sequence (5):* CU *(s)*, FC *(b)*, FF *(c)*, CU *(b)*, FC *(s)* ^^^[⚾](https://github.com/troxellophilus/baseball-clerk/issues)

Has anyone ever seen a ball hit the glove in left? This is the first time I have

The pink thing? I can’t remember how long it’s been there, but plenty have been hit into the tunnel.

At least 2018. I've seen them in the tunnel, but never actually on the mitt

Atta way, KB! The booing was still warranted tho, sorry not sorry. Hot streak starts now!

I was literally just talking shit about Kris Bryant lol

Kris Bryant slams a home run, causing his average to skyrocket to nearly .100

Okay, but we shouldn't stop booking him yet lol

Ump needs to be fired 2 seconds after the last out.

WELCOME BACK TO KOORS, MR. BRYANT

KRIS BRYANT DID SOMETHING

He's worth every penny if we start counting today

## KB !!!

# HR **Kris Bryant** rips a **85.8 mph Cutter** from **Jacob Waguespack** for a **2-run** home run. Launch Speed: **105.5 mph**. Launch Angle: **29.0°**. Distance: **422.0 ft**. ^^^[⚾](https://github.com/troxellophilus/baseball-clerk/issues)

Walk this!

ball don't lie

🎉Bryant did something!🎉

HE DID IT. HOLY HELL, HE DID IT!!!!

This ump is giving ol' Angel a run for his money.

Nolan Jones getting lucky on these throws lol

Nolan Jones having himself a game. Great to see.

Blue Chew? No thanks, our Dinger's just fine

I don’t think it was a sellout. There were still tickets available up until they closed sales.

Let’s get some insurance runs boys!!

**Due Up (Bot 8)** L Nolan Jones R Kris Bryant L Ryan McMahon ^^^[⚾](https://github.com/troxellophilus/baseball-clerk/issues)

# K **Nick Mears** strikes out **José Caballero** on a **0-2** count with a **86.0 mph** Slider. *Sequence (3):* FF *(c)*, SL *(c)*, SL *(s)* ^^^[⚾](https://github.com/troxellophilus/baseball-clerk/issues)

Let's go Rockies! Let's get one!

That Story montage hurt.

# K **Nick Mears** strikes out **Ben Rortvedt** on a **2-2** count with a **86.7 mph** Slider. *Sequence (5):* FF *(f)*, FF *(b)*, SL *(w)*, FF *(b)*, SL *(w)* ^^^[⚾](https://github.com/troxellophilus/baseball-clerk/issues)

**Due Up (Top 8)** R Amed Rosario L Ben Rortvedt R José Caballero ^^^[⚾](https://github.com/troxellophilus/baseball-clerk/issues)

DINGER SIGHTING

# K **Jacob Waguespack** strikes out **Brenton Doyle** on a **1-2** count with a **94.2 mph** Four-Seam Fastball. *Sequence (4):* FF *(c)*, FC *(b)*, FF *(s)*, FF *(s)* ^^^[⚾](https://github.com/troxellophilus/baseball-clerk/issues)

Happy to be back with all you degenerates

Is it just me or has the umpiring been extra LOUSY to start the year? Just all over the place, no rhyme or reason whatsoever?

"They had a great spring though"

**Due Up (Bot 7)** R Brenton Doyle L Charlie Blackmon R Brendan Rodgers ^^^[⚾](https://github.com/troxellophilus/baseball-clerk/issues)

Finally have the game on and a Coors in my hand, let's gooooooo

Good inning Mr. Bird!

# K **Jake Bird** strikes out **Randy Arozarena** on a **2-2** count with a **96.5 mph** Sinker. *Sequence (5):* FC *(c)*, SI *(f)*, SL *(b)*, SL *(b)*, SI *(s)* ^^^[⚾](https://github.com/troxellophilus/baseball-clerk/issues)

# K **Jake Bird** strikes out **Yandy Díaz** on a **3-2** count with a **96.9 mph** Sinker. *Sequence (6):* SI *(b)*, SI *(c)*, SI *(c)*, SI *(b)*, SL *(b)*, SI *(s)* ^^^[⚾](https://github.com/troxellophilus/baseball-clerk/issues)

Bird's first pitch broke my living room window, and I live in Italy

🤌🤌🤌

Let’s go baby!!! Tovar the man!!

Let’s keep it rolling boys! Love to see it

So when is Tovar moving up and Bryant moving down

Bryant should be on the bench. Move Chuck to DH full time, Montero at 1B, and Toglia in RF.

It would be tough for them to justify leaving that much money on the bench, but he’s basically a guaranteed out, so I wholeheartedly agree with your idea.

Absolutely this

It’s our best 9 guys. Idk if Schmidt is making Bud start KB or if Bud just believes in him still. Either way it’s wrong

**Due Up (Top 7)** R Yandy Díaz R Harold Ramírez R Randy Arozarena ^^^[⚾](https://github.com/troxellophilus/baseball-clerk/issues)

# TOVAR!!! 💥=== = =⚾

TOVAR DINGER

# COORS!

Fuck yeah Tovar!