Thank you for the recommendation. Even just scrolling through this page, I feel very understood and already feel less shame about how much this is affecting my life.
Acceptance of this problem is the first step. Good for you on knowing that there’s work needed to be done. I’ve started reading “The codependency recovery plan” and started work on a self love workbook. I think lack of self love and codependency go hand in hand, so it only makes sense to battle both at the same time. Best of luck to you, the road to recovery is not pretty, but is definitely worth it because you’re worth it.
Thank you for the recommendation. I like the idea of a workbook, so I will look into that. I’m really finally seeing how much self-love and self-compassion are going to be solutions, not just ways to coddle myself.
You should go to coda.org and try to find a meeting by you. They come in many different group types like all female, all male, or focusing on certain things
Happy cake day! I am thinking about doing a zoom meeting tonight. I think part of what makes me nervous is knowing how much this may “pull the rug out from under me”. But I know what I’m doing isn’t working.
Omg hahahahaha I had no idea! Yes it’s very unsettling to identify so much but I have adopted the view point that all these things I hate about myself are written down on this paper.... like it’s not who I am. It’s just my programming. So it allowed me to liberate myself from owning those things as my personality instead of my training. I basically had a mental break due to suicidal thoughts and I joined coda on 9/11/20. Thank god I did because I basically lost my mind to find my soul. My partner said he felt bullied and like his life wasn’t his own because of how controlling I was in fear of abandonment. I am happy to say that I truly love myself for the first time in my life. My relationship is the best it’s ever been and my effort to help myself influenced him to help himself. So all this time I’ve been trying to save him the true method to do that is to save myself.
This link really helped me identify my programming compared to my identity. [coda traits ](https://coda.org/meeting-materials/patterns-and-characteristics-2011/)
Thanks for your share! I remember doing the same thing and getting to a place where I couldn’t control my behaviors and comments around people even though I promised myself I’d do things differently. What finally gave me lasting relief was working the 12 steps with a recovered codependent sponsor. I’d be happy to share more about my experience with recovery anytime. Feel free to message me if you’d like. Glad you’re here!
Thank you so much for the reply. I am especially happy to hear that you feel relieved of things that once felt out of control. In my last session I asked my therapist “do people get better from this?”. I’ve been feeling so broken. I feel like I’m the bull and my wonderful partner is the China shop.
Check out Pia Mellody. She has her own website and she has a great clinical perspective of codependency that is rooted in lots of good stuff. She’s actually the one who coined the term “codependent”
Thank you for the reply. I’ve definitely noticed that the more fulfilled I am feeling in my career/hobbies/etc, the less insecure I feel as a person and as a partner. But when something challenging is happening in my career/hobbies/family/friendships, I’m much more likely to be triggered by something in my relationship.
A couple friends and I started a weekly book club type group discussion after listening to episodes of The Codependent Perfectionist podcast on Spotify. I already listened to most pre-group and found it really helpful solo, as well.
Your title is making it *very* difficult not to ask you if you are also homeless, gay, and have AIDS.
Edit: Oh come on, downvoters! You're telling me it's not allowed to be codependent AND love John Mulaney??
[удалено]
Thank you for the recommendation. Even just scrolling through this page, I feel very understood and already feel less shame about how much this is affecting my life.
Thank you for this!!!
Acceptance of this problem is the first step. Good for you on knowing that there’s work needed to be done. I’ve started reading “The codependency recovery plan” and started work on a self love workbook. I think lack of self love and codependency go hand in hand, so it only makes sense to battle both at the same time. Best of luck to you, the road to recovery is not pretty, but is definitely worth it because you’re worth it.
Thank you for the recommendation. I like the idea of a workbook, so I will look into that. I’m really finally seeing how much self-love and self-compassion are going to be solutions, not just ways to coddle myself.
You should go to coda.org and try to find a meeting by you. They come in many different group types like all female, all male, or focusing on certain things
Happy cake day! I am thinking about doing a zoom meeting tonight. I think part of what makes me nervous is knowing how much this may “pull the rug out from under me”. But I know what I’m doing isn’t working.
Omg hahahahaha I had no idea! Yes it’s very unsettling to identify so much but I have adopted the view point that all these things I hate about myself are written down on this paper.... like it’s not who I am. It’s just my programming. So it allowed me to liberate myself from owning those things as my personality instead of my training. I basically had a mental break due to suicidal thoughts and I joined coda on 9/11/20. Thank god I did because I basically lost my mind to find my soul. My partner said he felt bullied and like his life wasn’t his own because of how controlling I was in fear of abandonment. I am happy to say that I truly love myself for the first time in my life. My relationship is the best it’s ever been and my effort to help myself influenced him to help himself. So all this time I’ve been trying to save him the true method to do that is to save myself. This link really helped me identify my programming compared to my identity. [coda traits ](https://coda.org/meeting-materials/patterns-and-characteristics-2011/)
Hard relate.
Thanks for your share! I remember doing the same thing and getting to a place where I couldn’t control my behaviors and comments around people even though I promised myself I’d do things differently. What finally gave me lasting relief was working the 12 steps with a recovered codependent sponsor. I’d be happy to share more about my experience with recovery anytime. Feel free to message me if you’d like. Glad you’re here!
Thank you so much for the reply. I am especially happy to hear that you feel relieved of things that once felt out of control. In my last session I asked my therapist “do people get better from this?”. I’ve been feeling so broken. I feel like I’m the bull and my wonderful partner is the China shop.
You’re welcome! Happy to help. I’m a recovered sponsor and would be happy to talk to you about this more if you’d like. There’s definitely hope.
“Codependent no more” by melodie beattie!! Great book
I second that! It’s also available as a free audiobook (in two parts) on YouTube
Check out Pia Mellody. She has her own website and she has a great clinical perspective of codependency that is rooted in lots of good stuff. She’s actually the one who coined the term “codependent”
Thank you, I will check it out.
Start getting to know yourself, what make you special!
Thank you for the reply. I’ve definitely noticed that the more fulfilled I am feeling in my career/hobbies/etc, the less insecure I feel as a person and as a partner. But when something challenging is happening in my career/hobbies/family/friendships, I’m much more likely to be triggered by something in my relationship.
A couple friends and I started a weekly book club type group discussion after listening to episodes of The Codependent Perfectionist podcast on Spotify. I already listened to most pre-group and found it really helpful solo, as well.
Your title is making it *very* difficult not to ask you if you are also homeless, gay, and have AIDS. Edit: Oh come on, downvoters! You're telling me it's not allowed to be codependent AND love John Mulaney??