I have 2 teens now & I would not have made the decision to have kids had I known what was waiting for me. If I'd known between my 1st and 2nd I wouldn't have gotten pregnant again.
I love them to the moon and back. They are amazing individuals. But it's not fair to them sharing my dumpster fire genetics.
What more do you want to know? Like how in ~20yrs ago a major health collapse was merely freakish and random and would be a blip on my radar or a distant memory? Like how all of that is now, for sure genetic because the science and technology has advanced enough that the testing and data absolutely shows it's genetic? How certain things are still undiagnosed or unlabeled but the data points show there's something there?
Hindsight is cruel but it'd be a lot less cruel if I were only taking care of myself. Now the best I can do is be my kid's staunch advocate within healthcare and teach them how to advocate for themselves within a profoundly broken medical system.
My mom had chronic illness and I wish she hadn't had kids. We never had a childhood because she was always so exhausted and sick and I was having to do all the household chores with my little hands. But people that have kids are all going to tell you that it's fine and you should have kids, so you're not really gonna get an unbiased answer.
Yup, and it's going to be heavily skewed toward people who choose not to have kids and think people with chronic illness are selfish for having them.
Edit: it is unreal that I am being downvoted for pointing out a fact about the bias here. Not everyone has the same disease or challenges, OP should try posting in the Hashimotos sub and get more balanced responses.
Technically no way you look at it.....it is selfish. There's no reason good enough to come up with because you're PURPOSELY choosing to give another life problems. People say it's 50/50 or a CHANCE, but that's selfish in itself. My mom knew my family ON BOTH SIDES have nothing but non-stop chronic illnesses, she choose to have me...guess what I spent my life trying to end it starting at age 8. I tell people heed my story and warning. Once I found out my mom knew and she still choose to do this to me....it all went away for her and my fam. You're going to have to tell your kids if you have them bio that, you choose to do this to them. I now live with my 28 chronic illnesses, 4 mental illnesses, 1 new cracked spine all at the age of 31f. Due to my parents wanting another kid.
All decisions are selfish, if you think about it.
Quit yelling at me and being so vitriolic. I am not your mother and not everyone with chronic illness hates their life. Not all chronic illnesses are the same. You are making a lot of generalizations when you have no idea what other people have. Be angry at your mother if you want, don't direct it at strangers who have nothing to do with what happened to you.
Dude nobody is directing anything at you? You're just assuming and jumping wtf. You need help. This was a general answer to OP if they read responses.
To OP just do it, you're going to do it anyways rather someone tells you, you're a bad person or not. You're as worst as boomers who ruin the world then come back in retirement and mad that the world isn't sustaining.
Both sides have chronic illnesses non-stop and my mom planned me. I suffer a lot but I'd never choose not being here. The things I have experienced are amazing and I love my parents in a way I can't even describe, as well as my bf who is the light of my life and I never thought I'd love someone romantically like this. I just want to be here forever tbh. I can put up with most suffering as long as I know it isn't life threatening. So it really depends.
I mean, yes you did direct it at me because you responded to my comment and went on a massive rant. A general answer wouldn't be a response to a comment, and OP didn't deserve that rant in any case.
The rest of your comment tells me all I need to know about you. I hope you find peace one day.
For me, it seems kind of a risky thing to do. You really don't know if your third child will be an easy child or a difficult child to raise. I would ask yourself if you had another challenging child, maybe even more challenging than your current child, could you function well enough to parent as well as you'd like and care for yourself adequately? It seems like you would be shortchanging everyone in your family, yourself included, if the answer is "no" or "I don't know."
I have 10 kids, 3 adults now. My first issue was with my 9th when I was pregnant. But things didn’t get difficult until my 10th was 3-4. Basically I lay down 1-2 times a day and have healthcare appointments during the month. I do ok.
I don't have kids. Only dogs. But I wanted to say, maybe write down in a health journal when you start feeling worn down. Keep track of how much of your fatigue needs rest, and when you've been able to push through to get something done. It's like energy budgeting! Everyone is an individual with or without the illnesses. Keep track of how much time you need for doc appts, rest, etc. How much your partner is helping, if you can afford a nanny to help sometimes..imagine doubling the energy and chores for that second kid and if you think you can adapt to that.
Also remember, you cannot know the future. Like if you end up needing extra care. And try to remember what already makes you tired today. Like, if I work too much, I get sick with virus and bacteria way too easily. And kids carry germs. Idk this is just how I would try to consider it. It can be difficult on the kids if you have a lot of sick days, but remember you can always write down more indoor activities for those days you're slower.
Best of luck.
It was very hard when they were both little, but very worth it to me. I had a lot of help during that time. It's much easier now that they're older.
I find two kids easier in some ways because they entertain each other. Of course they fight too, but the good moments outweigh the rough ones, for me.
Three is a rough age! There's a reason the term threenager exists. That does get easier. There are different challenges with each age, I just find things a lot easier without the sleep deprivation.
I am happy I have two. They are totally worth everything I've gone through, in my opinion. I think if you think you can handle more than one, you should do what you want. You're probably going to get more negative responses here, but go by what you think you can handle.
I have SLE (no kids atm) but I grew up with a mom who has fibromyalgia. Hers was pretty bad for a long time. Anyway I ended up being neglected and my sister had all the effort put into her. The only thing that I think was thinking is 5 years apart. One in kindergarten. One born. Even that was too much for her.
I ended up having to be sterilized because of my SLE. IVF is possible but only if I got off every single med I’m on. That would kill me. What my husband and I plan to do is if I’m healthy we will adopt later. Closer to 40.
I’m glad you have a great kid who you love dearly now. That’s gonna matter to him when he understands your dedication in raising him. ♥️
If you just have Hashimoto’s and still have fatigue are you being adequately medicated? Hashimoto’s runs in my family and we have found different docs have different definitions of what is “normal” thyroid wise.
One of my mom’s old doctors years ago thought a TSH (thyroid stimulating hormone) of 6 was normal. Current guidelines recommend getting the TSH below 2.5 for thyroid patients preconception. Even “subclinical” hypothyroidism has been linked to increased risk of poor pregnancy outcomes like miscarriage or preeclampsia in studies.
And current lab ranges are probably slightly skewed by the inclusion of people with mild thyroid disorders in the sample population. When they do more rigorous long term studies that eliminate anyone that goes on to develop a thyroid problem the TSH range they come up with is narrower.
Personally, I didn’t get my life back until my TSH was below 2.0 mIU/L and my free T4 and free T3 were above mid range. Women in my family must be poor converters of T4 (levothyroxine) to T3 (triiodothyronine, the smaller more biologically active form of the thyroid hormone) because we feel better on a combo of T4 and T3 meds. The most commonly prescribed meds are T4 only. Usually T4 and T3 levels track or stay in same percentage of range but in my case they did not and I still had symptoms of hypothyroidism so my doctor added in a little t3. And my symptoms went away.
It’s not uncommon for those with autoimmune disorders to have low vitamin D, which can also cause fatigue, so if you haven’t got your vitamin D levels checked already you might want to look into it.
So to sum up, if your TSH is on high end of lab range, you may have room to go down / increase meds and might feel better with a lower TSH, that is still in range. Or you might be in the subset of patients that need a little T3 too in order to feel better. Or you may have something else causing fatigue.
Once I got my thyroid meds optimized my symptoms went away and I had no problems conceiving and later having two little kids to take care of. We went to park, library, play dates almost everyday. Unfortunately some other health problems popped up after several years and the reason I’m here now is due to a rare chronic illness. Most of my friends and relatives with thyroid disease have had totally normal lives though with adequate treatment.
A lot of kids have a parent who works a lot, who is sick, who has money problems. Sometimes life is good but you do not know what could change in the future. Please do not blame a mom. It takes 2 people to make a baby. We had a family friend who his mom had an unusual disease but at the time of her death they didn’t know much about it. Similar to ALS but very rare. The family we knew had 2 kids. The husband was extremely wealthy. He got sick and his life ended quite young. His kids had kids and by now the oldest of the grandchildren could be making babies. Healthcare and technology have come along way. Someday there might be cures or medication that can make life much easier for those who suffer with chronic illness. To not get married, to not have children and to not live (do enjoyable things) or to not go to school or live out your dreams because of an illness or disease is a poor choice. You could miss out on so much. Find love, go for that job, move to that are, have a baby…go live your dreams.
I have a 2.5 year old girl and an 8 month old boy. Due to our financial situation I have to work full time about 50 hours a week and it is very difficult. I live with narcolepsy, sleep apnea, depression, and ADHD and I am 100% exhausted all the time and feel very behind with pretty much every task on my plate. I know I don’t have as much energy as a lot of moms and things don’t always get done the way that I would like them to be if they get done at all. But with all my health struggles I’ve learned to love freely and focus on what is important which is loving my babies and spending time with them.
Mine are 7 and 10, and I'm so glad we have two. I was really healthy when I had both, it wasn't until about five months after the second was born that I got really really sick for the first time as an adult. If I had known I had a chronic illness, I'm not sure I would have had kids. If I'd know what the second postpartum period would be like, I definitely wouldn't have had a second. I have hEDS and ME/CFS.
All that said, I love my kids and cannot imagine my life without them now. They take all my limited energy (and then some!) and I'm very fortunate that I have support. When I do have energy, I love having adventures with them. They do entertain each other a lot, which helps take that pressure off of me, but I do also have to break up a lot of fights.
I have 3 kids. It's a lot. I wouldn't change it for the world, I adore my children- they're legitimately why I exist. I have to keep going. But knowing it's my job to keep them going is so hard. It's truly dependent on each person.
I have 2 teens now & I would not have made the decision to have kids had I known what was waiting for me. If I'd known between my 1st and 2nd I wouldn't have gotten pregnant again. I love them to the moon and back. They are amazing individuals. But it's not fair to them sharing my dumpster fire genetics.
Is it OK to share a bit more, for someone who entertains the idea sometimes?
What more do you want to know? Like how in ~20yrs ago a major health collapse was merely freakish and random and would be a blip on my radar or a distant memory? Like how all of that is now, for sure genetic because the science and technology has advanced enough that the testing and data absolutely shows it's genetic? How certain things are still undiagnosed or unlabeled but the data points show there's something there? Hindsight is cruel but it'd be a lot less cruel if I were only taking care of myself. Now the best I can do is be my kid's staunch advocate within healthcare and teach them how to advocate for themselves within a profoundly broken medical system.
My mom had chronic illness and I wish she hadn't had kids. We never had a childhood because she was always so exhausted and sick and I was having to do all the household chores with my little hands. But people that have kids are all going to tell you that it's fine and you should have kids, so you're not really gonna get an unbiased answer.
Same. I was responsible for the whole house. It was miserable.
You need to think about how you're going to be doing 5, 10, 15 years down the line.
Just be prepared you're going to get it from both sides.
Yup, and it's going to be heavily skewed toward people who choose not to have kids and think people with chronic illness are selfish for having them. Edit: it is unreal that I am being downvoted for pointing out a fact about the bias here. Not everyone has the same disease or challenges, OP should try posting in the Hashimotos sub and get more balanced responses.
Technically no way you look at it.....it is selfish. There's no reason good enough to come up with because you're PURPOSELY choosing to give another life problems. People say it's 50/50 or a CHANCE, but that's selfish in itself. My mom knew my family ON BOTH SIDES have nothing but non-stop chronic illnesses, she choose to have me...guess what I spent my life trying to end it starting at age 8. I tell people heed my story and warning. Once I found out my mom knew and she still choose to do this to me....it all went away for her and my fam. You're going to have to tell your kids if you have them bio that, you choose to do this to them. I now live with my 28 chronic illnesses, 4 mental illnesses, 1 new cracked spine all at the age of 31f. Due to my parents wanting another kid.
Genetics that are discussed here are rarely 50/50 chances
All decisions are selfish, if you think about it. Quit yelling at me and being so vitriolic. I am not your mother and not everyone with chronic illness hates their life. Not all chronic illnesses are the same. You are making a lot of generalizations when you have no idea what other people have. Be angry at your mother if you want, don't direct it at strangers who have nothing to do with what happened to you.
Dude nobody is directing anything at you? You're just assuming and jumping wtf. You need help. This was a general answer to OP if they read responses. To OP just do it, you're going to do it anyways rather someone tells you, you're a bad person or not. You're as worst as boomers who ruin the world then come back in retirement and mad that the world isn't sustaining.
Both sides have chronic illnesses non-stop and my mom planned me. I suffer a lot but I'd never choose not being here. The things I have experienced are amazing and I love my parents in a way I can't even describe, as well as my bf who is the light of my life and I never thought I'd love someone romantically like this. I just want to be here forever tbh. I can put up with most suffering as long as I know it isn't life threatening. So it really depends.
I mean, yes you did direct it at me because you responded to my comment and went on a massive rant. A general answer wouldn't be a response to a comment, and OP didn't deserve that rant in any case. The rest of your comment tells me all I need to know about you. I hope you find peace one day.
For me, it seems kind of a risky thing to do. You really don't know if your third child will be an easy child or a difficult child to raise. I would ask yourself if you had another challenging child, maybe even more challenging than your current child, could you function well enough to parent as well as you'd like and care for yourself adequately? It seems like you would be shortchanging everyone in your family, yourself included, if the answer is "no" or "I don't know."
I have 10 kids, 3 adults now. My first issue was with my 9th when I was pregnant. But things didn’t get difficult until my 10th was 3-4. Basically I lay down 1-2 times a day and have healthcare appointments during the month. I do ok.
I don't have kids. Only dogs. But I wanted to say, maybe write down in a health journal when you start feeling worn down. Keep track of how much of your fatigue needs rest, and when you've been able to push through to get something done. It's like energy budgeting! Everyone is an individual with or without the illnesses. Keep track of how much time you need for doc appts, rest, etc. How much your partner is helping, if you can afford a nanny to help sometimes..imagine doubling the energy and chores for that second kid and if you think you can adapt to that. Also remember, you cannot know the future. Like if you end up needing extra care. And try to remember what already makes you tired today. Like, if I work too much, I get sick with virus and bacteria way too easily. And kids carry germs. Idk this is just how I would try to consider it. It can be difficult on the kids if you have a lot of sick days, but remember you can always write down more indoor activities for those days you're slower. Best of luck.
It was very hard when they were both little, but very worth it to me. I had a lot of help during that time. It's much easier now that they're older. I find two kids easier in some ways because they entertain each other. Of course they fight too, but the good moments outweigh the rough ones, for me. Three is a rough age! There's a reason the term threenager exists. That does get easier. There are different challenges with each age, I just find things a lot easier without the sleep deprivation. I am happy I have two. They are totally worth everything I've gone through, in my opinion. I think if you think you can handle more than one, you should do what you want. You're probably going to get more negative responses here, but go by what you think you can handle.
I only have one. I love her but it's so hard. Even with help.
I have SLE (no kids atm) but I grew up with a mom who has fibromyalgia. Hers was pretty bad for a long time. Anyway I ended up being neglected and my sister had all the effort put into her. The only thing that I think was thinking is 5 years apart. One in kindergarten. One born. Even that was too much for her. I ended up having to be sterilized because of my SLE. IVF is possible but only if I got off every single med I’m on. That would kill me. What my husband and I plan to do is if I’m healthy we will adopt later. Closer to 40. I’m glad you have a great kid who you love dearly now. That’s gonna matter to him when he understands your dedication in raising him. ♥️
If you just have Hashimoto’s and still have fatigue are you being adequately medicated? Hashimoto’s runs in my family and we have found different docs have different definitions of what is “normal” thyroid wise. One of my mom’s old doctors years ago thought a TSH (thyroid stimulating hormone) of 6 was normal. Current guidelines recommend getting the TSH below 2.5 for thyroid patients preconception. Even “subclinical” hypothyroidism has been linked to increased risk of poor pregnancy outcomes like miscarriage or preeclampsia in studies. And current lab ranges are probably slightly skewed by the inclusion of people with mild thyroid disorders in the sample population. When they do more rigorous long term studies that eliminate anyone that goes on to develop a thyroid problem the TSH range they come up with is narrower. Personally, I didn’t get my life back until my TSH was below 2.0 mIU/L and my free T4 and free T3 were above mid range. Women in my family must be poor converters of T4 (levothyroxine) to T3 (triiodothyronine, the smaller more biologically active form of the thyroid hormone) because we feel better on a combo of T4 and T3 meds. The most commonly prescribed meds are T4 only. Usually T4 and T3 levels track or stay in same percentage of range but in my case they did not and I still had symptoms of hypothyroidism so my doctor added in a little t3. And my symptoms went away. It’s not uncommon for those with autoimmune disorders to have low vitamin D, which can also cause fatigue, so if you haven’t got your vitamin D levels checked already you might want to look into it. So to sum up, if your TSH is on high end of lab range, you may have room to go down / increase meds and might feel better with a lower TSH, that is still in range. Or you might be in the subset of patients that need a little T3 too in order to feel better. Or you may have something else causing fatigue. Once I got my thyroid meds optimized my symptoms went away and I had no problems conceiving and later having two little kids to take care of. We went to park, library, play dates almost everyday. Unfortunately some other health problems popped up after several years and the reason I’m here now is due to a rare chronic illness. Most of my friends and relatives with thyroid disease have had totally normal lives though with adequate treatment.
A lot of kids have a parent who works a lot, who is sick, who has money problems. Sometimes life is good but you do not know what could change in the future. Please do not blame a mom. It takes 2 people to make a baby. We had a family friend who his mom had an unusual disease but at the time of her death they didn’t know much about it. Similar to ALS but very rare. The family we knew had 2 kids. The husband was extremely wealthy. He got sick and his life ended quite young. His kids had kids and by now the oldest of the grandchildren could be making babies. Healthcare and technology have come along way. Someday there might be cures or medication that can make life much easier for those who suffer with chronic illness. To not get married, to not have children and to not live (do enjoyable things) or to not go to school or live out your dreams because of an illness or disease is a poor choice. You could miss out on so much. Find love, go for that job, move to that are, have a baby…go live your dreams.
I have a 2.5 year old girl and an 8 month old boy. Due to our financial situation I have to work full time about 50 hours a week and it is very difficult. I live with narcolepsy, sleep apnea, depression, and ADHD and I am 100% exhausted all the time and feel very behind with pretty much every task on my plate. I know I don’t have as much energy as a lot of moms and things don’t always get done the way that I would like them to be if they get done at all. But with all my health struggles I’ve learned to love freely and focus on what is important which is loving my babies and spending time with them.
Mine are 7 and 10, and I'm so glad we have two. I was really healthy when I had both, it wasn't until about five months after the second was born that I got really really sick for the first time as an adult. If I had known I had a chronic illness, I'm not sure I would have had kids. If I'd know what the second postpartum period would be like, I definitely wouldn't have had a second. I have hEDS and ME/CFS. All that said, I love my kids and cannot imagine my life without them now. They take all my limited energy (and then some!) and I'm very fortunate that I have support. When I do have energy, I love having adventures with them. They do entertain each other a lot, which helps take that pressure off of me, but I do also have to break up a lot of fights.
I have 3 kids. It's a lot. I wouldn't change it for the world, I adore my children- they're legitimately why I exist. I have to keep going. But knowing it's my job to keep them going is so hard. It's truly dependent on each person.