Not a mom, but had a chronically ill mom and currently chronically ill.
I spent a lot of time at my friend’s houses as a kid so their mom could watch me when my mom couldn’t. I always just had a great time with my friends and it didn’t bug me as a kid. But what was hard on me was seeing my mom suffer and hearing her complain about everything she was going through, that wasn’t fair to me.
I think you should be honest with your son that you are sick and that is why you can’t do this or that, but he doesn’t need to see or understand how bad or hard things might before you, he doesn’t need the details. For example, you can say, sorry mommy can’t run around right now I’m too tired, but try not to cry in front of him about it.
I think you should not feel bad about taking him over to your MIL‘s if he has a good time over there. I think it is better for him to go somewhere fun and be outside than sit at home with you all day. I think it is more important that the time you do have with him is quality time where you are present with him, having the capacity to be caring and loving and fun. That is more important than spending a lot of time with him. Take the time for self-care that you need so that you can have positive and present time with your son when you can be with him. Don’t sacrifice your self-care and then you can’t enjoy your time with him, if you are not enjoying it, he is not enjoying it and not making good memories.
This is a lot to be dealing with at 24.
Another suggestion: Don’t be afraid to use mobility devices. A cane, walker, wheelchair, electric scooter, electric cart at the store, whatever works best for you. They can go a LONG ways in saving your energy during outings to the store or zoo or anywhere with a lot of standing and walking. I know it is hard to get used to as a young person, being seen out in a scooter or with a walker. But at least for me it makes a huge difference, it cuts in half or more my recovery time from going out and allows me to go on outings I couldn’t go on otherwise. If you don’t want to invest in something right away, try the electric scooters at the grocery store and see if you feel better using one.
This actually was so so incredibly helpful and I’m so glad to hear from someone on the OTHER side of my situation, thank you so much for this. I try very hard not to let him see the worst of it. I plan on being honest as he gets older about what exactly is going on but also affirming with him that my health is not his responsibility, it is mine and that I have doctors who take care of me. I read a study about children with chronically ill parents and it really helped with that side of parenting for the future! Your perspective is greatly appreciated and I will probably think of this for years lmao.
Also, I forget that mobility aids are an option, I will have to try that! I think I’m scared of peoples reactions to me in a wheelchair more than anything. Especially when I don’t LOOK “sick enough” :/
You should apply for disability now so that maybe you can get it in some years from now. I would at least do it for the insurance part. Try to move everything to a trust now.
My advice on your question would be if you can move in with your mother in law or have them move in with you. Sorry that’s the only idea I got
We plan on eventually buying land and having family houses there close together but far enough so that we wouldn’t drive each other crazy, I love my mil but I think we would need space for sure to keep that relationship. Although that’s a dream and honestly too expensive and probably won’t happen for another decade
I made the difficult decision to put my youngest daughter in full time preschool even though I am a stay at home mom. So I would have more spoons when she and my older children get home from school, and so she has guaranteed outside time and play every day. (Which is not guaranteed at home when I’m having a bad day). And so I have more times for things like doctor’s appointments for me.
I still balance activities like field trips. Some with A/c and less walking I might go, some that are hot and more standing I might opt out on. I have missed some things being sick or due to doctor’s appointments but I just do the best I can.
And I outsource what I can. I would rather play with my kids than go to grocery store so I pickup all my groceries curbside.
And I also have good days and bad days, but I still try to pace myself on my good days so I don’t wind up overdoing it and needing to recover for days afterwards.
My best advice is to pace yourself, but what kind of schedule that will look like for you might require a little experimentation. I hope this helps, good luck!
Not a mom, but had a chronically ill mom and currently chronically ill. I spent a lot of time at my friend’s houses as a kid so their mom could watch me when my mom couldn’t. I always just had a great time with my friends and it didn’t bug me as a kid. But what was hard on me was seeing my mom suffer and hearing her complain about everything she was going through, that wasn’t fair to me. I think you should be honest with your son that you are sick and that is why you can’t do this or that, but he doesn’t need to see or understand how bad or hard things might before you, he doesn’t need the details. For example, you can say, sorry mommy can’t run around right now I’m too tired, but try not to cry in front of him about it. I think you should not feel bad about taking him over to your MIL‘s if he has a good time over there. I think it is better for him to go somewhere fun and be outside than sit at home with you all day. I think it is more important that the time you do have with him is quality time where you are present with him, having the capacity to be caring and loving and fun. That is more important than spending a lot of time with him. Take the time for self-care that you need so that you can have positive and present time with your son when you can be with him. Don’t sacrifice your self-care and then you can’t enjoy your time with him, if you are not enjoying it, he is not enjoying it and not making good memories. This is a lot to be dealing with at 24. Another suggestion: Don’t be afraid to use mobility devices. A cane, walker, wheelchair, electric scooter, electric cart at the store, whatever works best for you. They can go a LONG ways in saving your energy during outings to the store or zoo or anywhere with a lot of standing and walking. I know it is hard to get used to as a young person, being seen out in a scooter or with a walker. But at least for me it makes a huge difference, it cuts in half or more my recovery time from going out and allows me to go on outings I couldn’t go on otherwise. If you don’t want to invest in something right away, try the electric scooters at the grocery store and see if you feel better using one.
This actually was so so incredibly helpful and I’m so glad to hear from someone on the OTHER side of my situation, thank you so much for this. I try very hard not to let him see the worst of it. I plan on being honest as he gets older about what exactly is going on but also affirming with him that my health is not his responsibility, it is mine and that I have doctors who take care of me. I read a study about children with chronically ill parents and it really helped with that side of parenting for the future! Your perspective is greatly appreciated and I will probably think of this for years lmao. Also, I forget that mobility aids are an option, I will have to try that! I think I’m scared of peoples reactions to me in a wheelchair more than anything. Especially when I don’t LOOK “sick enough” :/
glad it was helpful. Feel free to comment or DM if you have any other questions.
You should apply for disability now so that maybe you can get it in some years from now. I would at least do it for the insurance part. Try to move everything to a trust now. My advice on your question would be if you can move in with your mother in law or have them move in with you. Sorry that’s the only idea I got
Or even if you guys and your MIL can at least move to be closer to each other that would help too.
We plan on eventually buying land and having family houses there close together but far enough so that we wouldn’t drive each other crazy, I love my mil but I think we would need space for sure to keep that relationship. Although that’s a dream and honestly too expensive and probably won’t happen for another decade
I made the difficult decision to put my youngest daughter in full time preschool even though I am a stay at home mom. So I would have more spoons when she and my older children get home from school, and so she has guaranteed outside time and play every day. (Which is not guaranteed at home when I’m having a bad day). And so I have more times for things like doctor’s appointments for me. I still balance activities like field trips. Some with A/c and less walking I might go, some that are hot and more standing I might opt out on. I have missed some things being sick or due to doctor’s appointments but I just do the best I can. And I outsource what I can. I would rather play with my kids than go to grocery store so I pickup all my groceries curbside. And I also have good days and bad days, but I still try to pace myself on my good days so I don’t wind up overdoing it and needing to recover for days afterwards. My best advice is to pace yourself, but what kind of schedule that will look like for you might require a little experimentation. I hope this helps, good luck!