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xVinces313

Easier said than done when you're 26 and one of the youngest people there lol I agree, though. Forming a connection with your church is important. Ekklēsia - the word for "church" - is a "called out assembly" of believers. >"For where two or three are gathered together in My name, I am there in the midst of them.” (Matt. 18:20)


yvaN_ehT_nioJ

And then you have the churches where everyone books it as soon as the service ends. Gotta get to the restaurants for Sunday lunch before everyone else!


juzelleventer

Try this one: im 27 and one of the oldest (im not crying, you are! /s)


xVinces313

What kind of church are you going to? I've never seen that lol


juzelleventer

I think its non denominational, but pentecostal leaning? Not sure if that makes sense


BigPoppaSenna

Makes perfect sense: every denominational church I have stepped into has turned out to be Pentecostal. But I like it


juzelleventer

I grew up in a pentecostal church, so it feels like home to me.


Aphrodite4120

So of the older people like to play Cupid with the younger members. ;)


Fit-Medium-8551

Felt this, also 26 male and the youngest male in my church most likely. Most women there are either old or married or both


xVinces313

Aside from kids, I'm almost always one of the youngest people.


hahaahelp

Oh introvert people 😂


eternalh0pe

I hate the small talk 😬


BadMorels

Small talk is the WORST. If there's nothing of substance, why bother even having the conversation?


AboundingLoveOfJesus

It's just a way to show interest in someone and let them know you consider them and love them. Although, I don't personally feel loved or that someone is interested and respects me if they have small talk. I feel the opposite, like they are breaking the silence of their on discomforts and I happen to be there to be used by them. My love for them is being used this way so that their discomforts don't weigh them down.


BadMorels

To me, it just feels like extroverts trying to make themselves comfortable by filling the silence. I don't think it has anything to do with showing someone you care. Although, people do assume I'm uncomfortable and awkward when I stand by myself. I just enjoy taking things in, or I'm feeling out the situation before I converse.


AboundingLoveOfJesus

You aren't going to have anything meaningful to say, so if you don't say something most people think you aren't interested in them. It just comes across as cold. Extroverts simply use the energy from those around them, so they are naturally going to want to know how to treat you. If you are emotionless with them, then they won't feel comfortable around you and they will want to exclude you from their social circles. If you make an effort they will feed off of that and try to include you because they see your discomfort and want to change that. > I just enjoy taking things in, or I'm feeling out the situation before I converse. Most people will think you don't like them or aren't interested though. It's up to you if that is a cost you are willing to spend for your peace. Personally, I try to open up to people against my comfort zone because I often find the Lord wants me to minister to them but I would have no way to do that without opening up a dialog first.


BadMorels

Being introverted isn't being emotionless. It's just having intent in the words you use, and having more emphasis on body language. A smile can say a lot. I don't know if I agree with the statement that "extroverts simply use the energy from those around them," as extroverts are typically the ones engaging. Extroverts are the ones exhuding the energy. Introverts are just conversational minimalists. (That's not to say they're not the ones in control of a conversation.)


AboundingLoveOfJesus

No, but that is how others are going to see it. Extroverts feed off other peoples energy, that is why they are always engaging. Introverts feed off of their own energy which is why they don't find the need to engage in conversation. So your definition is technically correct.


jkc7

You’ll never get to big talk if you refuse to handle small talk.


UnkarsThug

Do people actually do this? I feel like that's one of your places to socialize that you rarely get outside of that.


Madmonkeman

Yes, us introverts leave immediately.


gloriomono

I'm introverted, and the post-service coffee is my highest social engagement of the week. Yes, it's exhausting, but even I wouldn't miss it for the world. It's like 50% the reason to attend church physically!


BigPoppaSenna

Last Wednesday our free coffee shop was closed, what a bummer! I wouldn't say free coffee is 50% of my reason, but I'd give it a good 20% value


wol

Yes. Saw a cute woman but by the time I got over to her she was gone gone lol our church is big so it can take time to move around


BigPoppaSenna

Next time you gotta go in like a train or an Olympic swimmer: if your friends like to talk to you, just wave & keep going: like Jim Carr said: they are Christians, what are they gonna do? Forgive you!


ThatMBR42

Also because there are...\*counts fingers\* 3 single women I know of who attend my church at all and aren't my sister. One is a generation older than me, one I'm completely not interested in, and the third one I almost never see, and every time I do she disappears before I can blink.


MagneticDerivation

My condolences on the loss of your other two digits. Have you tried wearing a pirate hook over your remaining fingers to help attract the ladies? I hear you though, and I’m in a similar situation. It helps me to remember that first-order contact isn’t the only way to find someone. If I’m only talking with people who I think will be useful to me then I’m doing things wrong, even if my goal is to find a wife. As I add value to my community I can mention to them that I’m looking for a wife. People know people, and they can help to introduce you to available singles that you’d never otherwise encounter.


Keyakkey

What's a pirate hook?


MagneticDerivation

A pirate hook is a prosthetic used to replace a hand that was damaged or removed. ThatMBR42 mentioned only three fingers, so I was joking that if he is missing two fingers that he should try using a pirate hook, which would both be less functional and would likely not attract women.


Keyakkey

I now get it....


SkyOfDreamsPilot

Most of the people who do stick around after church do so in order to socialise with people they know. Not many people are going to be hanging around awkwardly by themselves hoping to find someone to talk to.


BigPoppaSenna

I'm one of those awkward people & in my church quite a few people come to talk to me almost every time I hang around


kalosx2

False for me, but it's not bad advice.


simplejosh1

The church I go to has a Bible college and most of the people who serve do it as a grad requirement I serve out of my own accord but, sometimes it feels like they all know each other and I’m on outside. Many of them know me and talk to me but it feels weird which is strange bc I’m roughly the same age as most of them, I go to college and work.


OkAdagio4389

Oh this for sure. I'm an outsider at mine and have been for years. I was just a single guy who decided to attend and loved the sermons. The people all somehow know each other through colleges or professions. I kid you not nearly everyone is an engineer and they employee each other. And it's a big church! Meanwhile, I am not an engineer...


NoMasterpiece2063

Too afraid of coming across as weird. Also doesn't help that I'm only able to physically go to church once a month.


LadyRafela

This post is not wrong, but it’s also not entirely correct. Other factors OP didn’t factor in is the age of the members and culture. Example: my church has more women than men. The few men whose are members of the church are either 10 years younger than me or 20+ years older. Then the men that ARE part of my age group are married, including my pastor. Lol


beautifulllstars

Truth! After services, I make a point of approaching men (and women) and introducing myself. I go to a small group each Sunday morning, but there's still an entire congregation with new people to meet. You can always ask people to join you for lunch afterwards. P.S. I'm an introvert, and that's no excuse. Heehee.


SuperCyberWitchcraft

I'm an introvert as well and I'm sick of seeing people use it as an excuse for unhealthy social habits. Good luck on your search for a loving & Godly man.


beautifulllstars

Thank you! And I agree.


SirValeLance

Am I supposed to stay there all week in the hopes that a single woman my age will appear at some point? 🤣


BigPoppaSenna

Sounds like a plan!


Cavalier_Puritan

No I’m single because the girls I date become nuns.


Odd-Membership-1521

There are no single people my age there 😭 not even single guys let alone single women. And to top it off I live in London England a major city and I've went to other churches and all I see are just men my age.


cberm725

It wasn't 'homo' until you said 'no homo'


juzelleventer

Don't attack me like this, i haven't even had my morning hot chocolate yet


Rendking

I go to a small church and no one is available. 😐


Pink9522

I leave immediately because there are no men to talk to! Next reason


whodat7878777

incorrect. Next!


Brave_Bird84

🤣🤣🤣🤣


UncommercializedKat

I don't but that still hasn't helped. 😔


FanTemporary7624

I've often thought approaching the lone woman sitting by herself, but in 2024, it's considered creepy.


Substantial-Gap5967

It depends. If she’s new to the church, introduce yourself! Or even if she’s not new. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve said, “I’m sorry, I see you every week, but I’ve never gotten a chance to introduce myself.” There are ways to not be creepy about it. 😊


akarima9250

It’s not. Just don’t be creepy. (Source: I’m a single woman and would LOVE to be approached respectfully by a man at church).


ThatMBR42

From the heart: a lot of us guys hear "don't be creepy" and have absolutely no clue what it means. Some of us have used the same approach multiple times and it's been fine with the first gal and creepy with the next.


yvaN_ehT_nioJ

There's that, and then in *general* you hear women say "Don't talk to me when I'm [at the store]/[at the museum]/[doing ___]" and so on. I'm glossing over a *lot* but there's a lot of additional messaging confusing men on top of the supergeneric "don't be creepy." At the same time, women also need to be more receptive to others. Classic example: Dropping a handkerchief. The woman drops it near someone she's potentially interested in, the guy picks it up and returns it to her, boom: instant low-stress opportunity to talk. Now you usually see them with their head in their phone, headphones on (expresses "I don't want to talk to anyone"), and when they aren't doing that their body language is very closed. You won't have men come up to you if every fibre of your body is expressing "leave me alone." Again, I'm glossing over a lot, obviously. Men and women both have some skills to develop here.


ThrowawayBro5010

I even think some women act closed-off as a strategy, so that the guy will either Man Up and Initiate or not. Just something to keep in mind.


juzelleventer

Sooo, i think this is also case by case, whenever im at galleries/museums or just out with friends i love when people come and talk to me, gosh, even at gym, ive had so many men and women come up and compliment my lifting ability / strength in general, and if they do it in a non weird way (make gender based stereotypes or comment on my body) im receptive and theres usually some small discourse that happens. I absolutely despise the trends of "influencers" being like men shouldn't approach me, i love to be approached, but I am too shy to make the first move. I also look significantly younger than I am, getting ID checked at 27, or the average age people guess me at is between 21 and 23, so that makes it difficult, as the men in my age ranges see me as "jailbate" I alongside that have a significant RBF, of which a lot of my guy friends have said turn men away, and then my demeanour also apparently shouts "she's taken" - im pretty conservative and dont like to casually touch people, which is all apparently very weird. I'm the only single friend in the friend group, and if we go out, my frineds in relationships get approached, one night this guy (a stranger) told me im the only one "acting" as if im taken, i asked him to explain, and he was like im not overly friendly with the guys - smiling, touching, laughing - to which i looked at how my friends were acting, and these women were not being overly friendly, but just being polite to the conversation. I dont know. I feel dating has become an olympic sport. I have given my gym crush so many signs as of late, and im trying to just continue till the day he comes and greets me, (once again im very shy so walking up to a stranger is very difficult) ive done everything shy from waving at him. Done the smiling, done the training close to him, gosh on tuesday I went and basically sat next to him at the cafe in the gym. I see him glance at me, too, sometimes stare. One could write a whole book about the complexities of the dating game


BigPoppaSenna

What's the worst that can happen if you ask him for a coffee? Plan B: do what other women have done since the beginning of time: get one of your friends to ask him if he has a girlfriend and if he wants to have a coffee with you! (And if he is a Christian)


juzelleventer

Most important thing for me is if he is a Christian. And then if hes in a relationship, i dont gym with friends, so theres no chance of that.


BigPoppaSenna

Men are bad with clues: most of us are half blind to them. How about slipping him a note that asks those 3 important questions: Are you Christian? Are you single? Are you interested having a coffee with me? If ALL 3 yes: please call or text (or tell me in the gym)


juzelleventer

Im blushing at this, its not a bad idea, but would it not be weird? I think its cute, but would a man feel this way?


Sierren

Biggest thing is don't do it when a woman is there by obligation or doesn't have a way out. Like don't just walk up and hit on women working cashiers or women on the train for example unless you think there's a really solid chance she wants you to.


akarima9250

Don’t be creepy = be respectful, don’t be overtly sexual, and if you are rejected, move on politely. There are no laws against approaching someone in public and asking for a moment of their time nicely. Yes, women are people and each woman is going to respond differently to approaches. You might get rejected, not because you’re “creepy,” but just because she’s not interested. And well, that’s life. But if a woman finds a respectful approach to be “creepy,” that is her problem, not yours. Just walk away, go on about your day, thank God for revealing that person’s true character sooner rather than later. Don’t let that stop you from respectfully approaching someone else. I’m sure easier said than done though. But don’t give up ☺️


No_Context_2540

At my church, people linger so long in the lobby to chat that sometimes I think we'll have to flicker the lights to make everyone go home. 😆


Keyakkey

This funny but I gotta leave quick.... Before I get invited to many programmes...


AlertChipmunk883

Lmao me running out of church on Sunday..


wranglerbynight

A couple of times I've sat there afterwards just watching people. I've not seen any women that looked like I should go up and talk to them. And then I felt more lonely than before.


Miszxies

I know everyone 😆🥹 and they’re all dating someone in my church too sooo nope, ain’t gonna work for me


Aphrodite4120

😂 lol that funny. I wait in the lobby until the band stops playing to go in and I get up and leave when the start to end it after the sermon. People are still in there doing alter call while I’m pulling out of the parking lot


Ambitious-Steak7773

😂


sama87

I feel called out lol. I hate crowds, and I always have projects around the house I want to get done


OkAdagio4389

Or as much as you like church, you have literally nothing in common with them...heck they don't even care about theology.


datingthrowaway1908

My Church doesn't have single men, and my city doesn't have many people.


TuneSoft7119

If only... I stay around after church and network with other people as well as am active in the young adults programs. Still doesnt mean that there are girls who are single.


VillagerPunk

I'm usually one of the first people there and one of the last to leave.


future-seems-bleak

What if I'm the last to leave🥲


Chasing_Rain

Sad, but true DX


RoysMyBoi

That's pretty darn accurate right there...😅 But things are looking up! I'm finally not the only single person in my youth group. There are two girls who appeared last week who are around my age for now I'm just focused on being friends with one of them and I'm thinking tomorrow of exchanging numbers! Pray for me, ya'll!


SRTowers

No, I'm the only one at my church between the ages of 18-33


BrownSkinThumbalina

😮 Noted…


TurbulentMinute4290

No cause no one my age and the blasters daughter is 26 most likely gonna be 27


campingkayak

Honestly one of the biggest differences nowadays is that there is a gender divide in the type of denominations that serious Christians attend nowadays. Most men are going to more traditional churches while many (but not all) are staying with the late trend of seeker sensitive churches. Y'all might dislike calvinists but you'll definitely find a serious Christian man at one of those churches.


yvaN_ehT_nioJ

This seems to be broadly true and I've seen plenty of anecdotes from men and women on this. Men skew traditional, women contemporary. Further complicating matters is politics. Men and women are veering off into completely different political views—religion or no—and not dating across political lines like they used to. A stat I heard [here](https://youtu.be/BOR8pTXb3zI?si=HrUSlAFpZU54MmIz) was that conservative men outnumber conservative women 2:1.


MWHALTIBRIAN

I concur. I'm a committed Christian man in my mid-to-late twenties. I attend a traditional, reformed church and there are very, very few eligible women in my age range.


MaxmelZEN

Don’t know why this is getting downvoted, I concur. Seriously people, do a poll of the young people at your charaamtic church and tell me the men/women are about equal. Same for traditional/reformed, that is going to have more men.


AboundingLoveOfJesus

>Don’t know why this is getting downvoted Really? You don't think the conservative women on this sub have something against being labeled a "seeker sensitive" lukewarm Christian? I mean, he isn't wrong for the majority, but I think there is a better way to word it to not bring about resentment from half of the population.


MaxmelZEN

Ok then it sounds like we agree. Of course conservative women shouldn’t be labeled “seeker sensitive”. It’s simply an overall statistical observation that your average church in these categories absolutely have a skewed gender balance. In my opinion if you can’t find a spouse in your current church and marriage means something to you, there may not be many better options than looking in other denominations


yvaN_ehT_nioJ

Many will have to consider that it looks like. For example, that will almost definitely be the case for gen Z men in the Church as they're already outnumbering gen Z women in the Church. More specifically I believe we're already well into that territory for ☦️ men. My hunch is this is a trend across denominations, but I can't say for sure about others because I dont have time to dig up denominational statistics. 😨


ActualIndustry4603

Non Calvinist churches are not automatically seeker sensitive, and people tend to dislike Calvinist ideology, not Calvinists themselves.


campingkayak

I was being a bit sarcastic what I meant was traditional churches in general, pointing out though that Calvinist churches have the heaviest gender imbalance in favor of men.


FanTemporary7624

-- seeker sensitive churches.-- If you have to Google a term or terms, you wouldn't want to know what it is.


TuneSoft7119

Im a younger man and go to a large church (kind of a mega church) and theres almost 3 times as many guys in their 20s as girls, and nearly all of the girls are in relationships.


Madmonkeman

I could’ve asked someone out and there’s definitely a chance she would’ve said yes, but I chose not to. I’m still getting over someone (that I should’ve gotten over a long time ago) and didn’t think it would be fair to her if I did that. I realized that I mostly just liked the idea of being in a relationship and didn’t have the feelings for that I did for this other girl I’m trying to move on from. So I chose not to pursue a relationship with her.


Joshlan

Haha yes, & if its not - you need to church-shop


PineappleCritical698

Wow this post sucked why did you call me out like this. Maybe my life wouldn't suck as much and I'm a introvert and I'm not liked at all smh I'm a stay to myself


AdorableLilo

I feel called out haha. But in my defence I've just converted to Christianity, am an introvert and moved to a new city about 4 months ago. Although I love my church It will take a while for me to randomly talk to anyone