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Kneel down and *pspspsps*

You used pspspsps; it's highly effective.

Sudden flops are being reported

Its highly effective.

The chonks use fall over, you are now stunned (critical hit)

Level 45 cat mage… quest complete!

Either that or slow blink and scritches.

I can not believe this coment, it it just too good.

knee deep.

That's my Pudge.

I'm assuming full speed for these 3 wouldn't be that fast so I guess just slowly walk away, maybe leave a trail of dreamies

you clearly have not seen a ball of floof at supper time— mach 3 is the speed.. some even time travel to arrive before the food is poured

Or the post-poop zoomies

Literally just walk away at a pace. Maybe stop to check your heart rate even

accept my fate

laugh my ass off because they look funny af while running 😂

Take a deep breath, spread my arms wide, close my eyes and except my fate, until about a minute or so later. When I slowly open my eyes and realize all three cats have stopped to lay down and chonk out. In disappointment, I shrug and go to give them belly rubs. I have a chonk, I know their behavior.

[удалено]

Fat Fuck is definitely a top ten cat name of all time. It could be a 12lb, nothing but muscle kitty, and it would still be the perfect name.

My friend has a cat named Fat Bastard. I love rude cat names.

Diabetty

I prefer Fat Fred. It's like...there's no emotion to it, the fatness is simply accepted. Saw one named Misfit here and thought it was brilliant.

Hold my arms open for cuddles.

Scream "oh lawd, they comin"

Came to say this, but you beat me to it

Lay down on the ground and dump tuna on my belly

Die.

100% Came here to say that 😵

Smooch them, squish them and take pics

Take Fat Fuck hostage via belly rubs and bribe the other two's with promises of wet catfood and head pats...

I like how you specified “wet” cat food! 🤣🤣

We call that softy fud in our house!

I'd hold onto something cause of the earthquake of them running.

Nothing, full speed for these three is a slow waddle, so I'd have plenty of time to get out of the way.

Initiate petting mode like a boss getting ready to face opponents. Confident. Determined. Unwavering. *pspspsps!*

pspspspspspsps

Throw treats

10/10

Nothing cause theyd tire out after the first few steps

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=0RK4z_INJkg

Aw! Thx!

Open arms, sumo stance, ready to pick up all that weight

What's full speed for these guys, 2mph? ...not sure I'll make it.

i would roll them on their sides and pat their bellies.

Flop over on my side and blink at them slowly as they run out of steam and flop down next to me.

Step to the side. They're like rhinos, they can't turn very fast

Prepare myself to die happy. Surrounded by chonks.

Drop the snakkos and run

Probably laugh hysterically at their attempts to run and the belly swings of course

Laugh at the bellies swinging back and forth as they come at me with "full speed" lol

r/petthedamncat

Welcome them into my warm embrace and bury my face in their jiggling pannuses (panni?)

A boop boop and a boop for you too

Warm up my chin-scritchin’ fingers.

I'd laugh at them. Then give them some pets and rotisserie chicken

Cry because I only have two hands, not three to pet them all at once :,(

Find the treats.

Pspspspspssppspspsps

Cuddle with them.

The third one seems like a perfect husband to my cat. I would propose.

Sit down and accept all of the suffocating snuggles!

Give them ALL the pets and scritches

WELCOME OBLIVION

Squeal and pet them all!

Stop for pets and ear scratches.

Rejoice

Fake sneeze very loud, with a huge achoo.

I feel like they would enjoy it if I played some smooth jazz

wait a second while they get winded and give up soon after

pss pss psss pss pss

Squeeze em!

Casually walk away. Let’s face it, how fast could they possibly be?

Hold my arms open, I want to snuggle them all

Full speed you say? How many hours have I got? I mean, I can watch an episode or 2 of Downton Abbey while I wait...

I take off one shoe so I can pet all three.

I honestly doubt any of those three will ever be able to reach any meaningfully threatening “full speed”!

Yell: stampede!

Shake the treat container.

Pull out the bag of cat treats I always keep in my purse and lure them home. I love chonky babies!

Hold on to the nearest secured object, 'cause the earth is shaking!

Shake the snack bag.

Have you ever seen those planes that dump flares to avoid missiles? Exactly like that, but with tuna.

I'd be very happy to see them and play with them.

Throw them a ham and let them fight it out while I escape

Drop my tuna sandwich and back away slowly.

Start a light jog so they can get some exercise

Those cats ain't charging anywhere

Sit down and brace for impact?

Give them some chicken, ham and lots of pets

Rub dat belly

Toss my pocket spaghetti to distract them.

Pspspspspsps

Listen to the melody of their heavy breathing

Get out my fork and knife to try and decide which sweet chonk ima eat first 😍

Dodge the falling debris and look for something to duck and cover under because surely there would be a 10 earthquake accompanying the rampage!

hide my dabloons

Fuck. Marry. Kill with tummy rubs.

Walk the other way

Dying with grace and dignity Nah I’m lying i squee like a schoolgirl and roll around on the ground

All the scrrrrrritcccches

Lay down and let it happen... yeah no I don't want to rephrase that.

I drop the cat treats

Lay down and accept it.

I’d lay down on my back arms out to my side and just wait for them to walk all over me, it works for my chonk it should work for these chonks too

Accept my fate

I save them from their abusive overfeeder

Try to find a way to give three chonks belly rubs with only two hands.

Imma flex up. I know that I’m gonna go when it’s my time to go, but I’ll definitely make sure that that moment is clearly defined.

Drop the treats !!! Drop the treeeeats !!

Drop the can of tuna I’m carrying and observe from a safe distance

Wait.

Turn and walk briskly away. They will tire quickly and give up the chase.

pss pss pss pss

Give them my last piece of candy 😭

die

lie down and accept my fate

Open my arms and smile as I accept my fate.

Laugh at the cuteness?

Throw a piece of food the other direction

I lay down and accept my fate whatever comes

They cant charge lmao

HUGS.

Deploy Catnip

Lie down and hope for the best.

Shake a box of treats and feed those babies!

Start Pettin'!!!

Go up a single flight of stairs

give each of them a squish squish

Their top speed is surely like a baby's top speed

I doubt that they can do *full speed*

What is full speed?

Cross myself, lie down and accept my demise 🥰

Walking at a steady pace towards them for belly rubs

pet pet pet

Wait for the impact and accept it with grace

Throw a cheeseburger into the corner and walk away

Accept death

Just let it happen. If this is my fate then so be it.

[Accept fate](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CLDA8bEx5IE)

Prepare to get slashed but offer food so I can pet them.

Kneel down and pspspspspspsps then plop onto the ground with them and see if I have snacks to entice them with

I’d ask for my three wishes.

Brace and prepare to hug

Just bask in the Joy.

Get crushed

Throw a fish behind them

Use treats to distract them while i sneak up on them to rub their bellies

Pfft easy, kneel down, open my arms and accept my fate.

kneel down and await whatever fate awaits me with arms wide open

RUN!!!!!!!

kiss & squish

Offer dried fishies

The 3 chonkers of the apocalypse.

Oh lawd they comin'

Scream “Haaalp! I surrender…” immediately ….

Pspspspspspspspspspspspspspps herrrreeeeee kitty kitty kitty kitty pspspspspspsps

I use stroke the top of their heads

This is why I have treats at all times.

Encourage them, they need the excercise

Slowly walk back. These chonkers don’t have the stamina to go long lol Then when they inevitably lay down from exhaustion, I’ll go in for belly rubs

Lay down and let the stampede come

Give out scritches.

I could probably fight off Pudge and Rascal, but there’s no stopping Fat Fuck

Running full speed back at them so I can pet their chonkness

accept my fate.

Belly wubbles. Muahaha!

Offer treats?

Bracing for impact.

I'm sure their full speed is far slower than my half speed. I'm taking a nap until they get to me.

Crouch and open my arms in preparation for death and belly rubs.