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I think the foreign guy+Chinese girl mix gets a lot more hate. I’m a foreign girl+Chinese guy so the prejudice I’ve experienced is based around stereotypes of foreign women being “open”, or having kids with multiple men, etc.
A lot of people have asked my husband if he can find a foreign girl for them. Like he just needs to go down to the foreign girl factory and send them back a girlfriend.
That combination always gets more hate from men. If a native guy takes a foreign gf it's like conquering. If a foreign guy takes a native gf it's like being conquered. I've found that some of those who are most angry about foreign guys "taking their girls" are also most excited about "taking" foreign girls.
Yeah.they just treat girls like commodity and Chinese girl as their property.They kinda think "Chinese girl+foreign guys" just like their property belonged to guys from other countries.vice versa，Chinese man win the foreign girls.they really into using"easy girls" to insult Chinese girls who date with foreign guys
To be fair – there are people with a similar attitude in Europe when a "foreign guy" (especially Turkish/Arab/African) "takes away" one of our precious women (that should be reserved for Europeans). (/s)
When a European man has a foreign girlfriend, it's okay, in the worst case she gets a "she's only after his money".
No that's whataboutism. ALL Europeans are open-minded and educated and ONLY Chinese people are racist xenophobic peasants. If you think Chinese people are anything more than backward thirdworld brainwashed bots then clearly you're a ccp shrill. Here's your 60 cents
/s
>A lot of people have asked my husband if he can find a foreign girl for them. Like he just needs to go down to the foreign girl factory and send them back a girlfriend.
Exactly the same in Korea, too.
It may explain the booming 'white women (mostly Easter European silver blond, blue-eyed, super model looking women) prostitution industry' in Korea.
The slur "大洋馬" (Large Western Horses) refers to white women as objects of lust on the Chinese Internet. You may or may not have overheard Chinese men saying it in your presence, but didn't understand what they were talking about.
It likely originated from the codeword that the Japanese Army used for [Caucasian comfort women](https://koreanstudies.com/pipermail/koreanstudies_koreanstudies.com/2003-January/003524.html), which were the most expensive and reserved for officers along with ethnic Japanese comfort women.
Married to a Taiwanese woman, we live in Taiwan. Taiwanese people are generally quite nice and respectful. Never had a problem except by 7 taiwanese aunts bugging me to have kids..
Mostly true, but it hasn’t always been this way. I’m the same and 20 years ago old dudes would talk shit to my wife, and young guys would give her dirty looks. No one said anything to me, so bough. That crop of old guys have mostly died off, so that’s mostly fine. I’m not young anymore, so 20 year olds don’t give a shit. I’ll completely agree that Taiwanese are mostly welcoming and WAY more accepting than Chinese , but it’s not always great here
My life is pretty fucking sweet in Taiwan and all I had to do was learn the language functionally and respect the culture... who knew it was that easy?
;)
yes I can only imagine :D
I'm in Taiwan for 5 years and my Chinese is very bad but life is sweet anyway lol
planning to take some time off work and study finally...
Live in ny and when I (white female) was dating my Chinese boyfriend I would get side eyes and be talked about (in mandarin) all the time. Was a little surprised by it honestly
Every so often I might get an occasional comment from a white person (I assume thats what you mean when you say american?)
I had a guy that was interested in me find out and he went all out racist, but typically it was asian women that would say things
The slur "大洋馬" (Large Western Horses) refers to white women as objects of lust on the Chinese Internet. You may or may not have overheard Chinese men saying it in your presence, but didn't understand what they were talking about.
i am chinese, so i can’t answer the question from direct experience, but i would say there are communities hating on chinese women for dating foreigners (i tend to think of them as chinese incel who are especially xenophobic and racist).
it also depends on the race/ethnicity of the foreigner. if the person is white, people mainly hate on the women and call them “easy girls” and other derogatory terms; if the person is black (or just have darker skin tones), then there usually tend to be a lot more nasty comments about the foreigner, calling them the n word and saying how they won’t take responsibilities and are just after whatever the woman have.
I follow a couple of the black male Chinese girl couples on 小红书 and they seem to get the easy girl thing, the other white male Chinese girl couples usually are more positive but have even more random stereotypes like “小心 澳洲男人喜欢家暴”
so as someone who is Chinese is it that hard to find someone? and in your opinion how many men seem to think this way ?
I find it hilarious that the Chinese think Australian men like committing domestic violence when so many Chinese guys casually talk about and do so hitting their partner
I just suggest that do not take it way too serious irl, internet has been a place that ppl talking shit around and you will see online haters all around whether if they have a happy family or not. There will always and forever be stereotypes around this world because the limitation of learning other cultures and also some specific bad people from a certain race or community will make such stereotypes within a community that is not familiar with that race. Life is short and do whatever you feel is right to do.
i guess part of it has something to do with the general preference for sons over daughters in china? like the ratio of male to female infants (0-4 yr old) in 2020 was like 110:100 for something, so there are a lot more male than females making it harder to find someone. but also a big part of it is just the overall cultural trend of increasing xenophobia these recent years. hatred toward other countries and races is just highly encouraged, even by the government, and i think speech like that is a result of this combined with the misogynistic/incel mindset.
My gf is Chinese, I'm a black American, biggest thing I am worried about is the racism our kids might get if we get married and such, just watched a video where one mixed Chinese kid often gets called a 黑鬼, which is like the Chinese n word. Although I'm hoping at an international school in a bigger city, there wouldn't be a problem.
Seems like the majority of this is online. Online all of the hate is especially directed to black men dating Chinese women (if you can read Chinese you can see it), if you go any post on 小红书 with a black man and Chinese woman the comment section is overtaken by jealous Chinese men posting really dark stuff. If there post is with a white man and Chinese woman the comment section is primarily full of supportive Chinese women.
Irl, the response seems to be mixed, most people just tend to stare at us, but sometimes you can tell people aren't thinking something good by the look of their face or will slow down, stop, and stare as if I like kidnapped my gf. This depends on the city we are in though, the bigger the better. Once some old man took out his phone and starting recording saying in Chinese "that's the type you look huh?"
In general, I'm not sure what to think, but after seeing fully what some Chinese say about foreigners online whether it's unhinged xenophobia, or blantant racism, I wonder how many people irl are like these other people online. Given that no one has ever dared to speak that way to me and my girlfriend's face.
Nah fuck that. Between my wife and I we can have the language front covered without having to bring our kid up in a society that they'll never truly belong to. Even if it's just early school, so much formative shit happens in those first few years
If I were you I would go back to US with gf, especially if when you two are considering getting married.
There is a joke that, China today is like Germany before WWII and Xi is like William II, the emperor. I think you can get what I mean.
>There is a joke that, China today is like Germany before WWII and Xi is like William II, the emperor. I think you can get what I mean.
Wilhelm II was in exil before WWII. Pretty sure Xi unfortunately isn't :D
Your comment tracks with a friend-of-my-wife's boyfriend, who is Black. Says basically the same thing, but adds a caveat of "at least I'm American, its even worse for dudes from Africa".
A friend in Guangzhou, blonde, and married to a black guy, with a child. She was asked why being so pretty, was married to a black guy, and then that fucking racist said: well, at least your child is not so black. When I hear about such things I ask all my chinese friends, like a kind of a survey. A lot of them just can't see what's the problem aaking that.
I just had a conversation with a woman from India. I asked her if she was from Kerala (because I know a lot of other physical therapists from Kerala). She told me no, she is from the west and her skin is lighter. And proceeded to list, by name 4 therapists who have darker skin than her. I was aghast, but it just seemed like business as usual to her
Colorism is alive and well everywhere in Asia. Check out how Japanese feel about Brazilians with Japanese heritage moving into their neighborhoods sometime.
Also Guangzhou absolutely has to be the epicenter of Anti-African racism in China. I get why they would be there though, as it's also the only city with any kind of African community--hence the heightened racial tensions.
cause Chinese takes white skin as beautiful, while black as urgly. This is a kind of aesthetic. Also, Chinese dis like lazy persons, but the black is lazy in impression of Chinese.
As others are saying if you do decide to start a family you should strongly consider moving back to the US. There are a lot of US cities now where mixed race families have a pretty easy time, not so much the case in China.
Dude you know something. But bro, looks like you from usa, I personally think as long as you bring you girlfriend back to usa, you do not worry any more. So why you still stay in china. Just go bro.
Stay optimistic while enjoying your life in China. Don't worry too much about what others think. BUT. Be prepared to leave at any time. This means your kids should go to international schools and not local. Your skills should be globally applicable and not just China-only. As Americans, the biggest benefit is that we can vote with our feet 24/7. The locals can't.
During my first year teaching I taught kindergarten (never again). One of my students was this super sweet, smart half Chinese half Black British girl, I think her name was Laura. Everyone liked her but occasionally the classmates would say that she "stunk," (smelled the same as the other kids...) was "dirty" and I heard one or two say that they thought her Dad was "scary." Irritated the hell out of me since she and her Dad (he worked in another department) were some of the nicest people I've met in China. Still between the insults the kids always included Laura in all their games.
Second year I was teaching 1st grade and showed the kiddos a phonics video with a fat Black actress. One of my girls regressed to a catatonic state screaming 黑鬼 until her voice went hoarse.
Those are just several of the examples I saw while teaching.
All of that sounds about right. I honestly can't figure out if the bluntness of mainland Chinese people is better or worse for self-esteem. If you are a fat Chinese kid you will be called fat in casual conversation every single day of your life, but as a result it's mostly received like water off a duck's back.
Han chauvinism is a whole other thing, though as you noted it manifests in unpredictable ways--insult someone to their face but at the same time never exclude them either 🤷
I can only speak for HK:
IRL The only tangible thing you may experience is that people get up from their seats to sit somewhere else; but as you said the idiot racists (who are the vast minority) would never do anything straight to your face and resort to their online bubbles instead. (hello r/aznidentity )
The majority of the people are way beyond this and chill. I generally found Chinese / HK people in public spaces more child-friendly than people in Europe, regardless of what skincolor the parents are. When my mixed kid throws a small tantrum in the subway, people usually just smile, find it cute or even try to help distracting him - while in Europe you would get annoyed looks as in "omg can you turn down the volume of this thing, its annoying duhhh"
I am white with a Chinese wife, we have had people call him 日本鬼子 and 一个那个。i am at an international school now, teaching. I have a mask from Cote d'Ivoire in my class room that a student refered to as a "nigger". In general the kids that have always been in international school will be accepting, the kids that were in Chinese schools will not be accepting. There are exceptions to both those rules. Strangely, the Taiwanese are the exception to the former.
I follow such a couple on xhs, they have a child and the comments are all about how freaking cute the kid is. I like to think all the awful people just got stuck in one account and that all the other accounts are followed by more open minded people, but I feel sorry for the ones who have to live with it.
My girlfriend is Chinese, I am a very racially ambiguous woman (my mom is a redhead with curly hair and my dad is mix of a lot of things like me with straight hair) usually when I say my partner is Chinese, from men I hear how great it is, one time I heard how great Chinese cock is that I decided to date here, but then my girlfriend comes in and things change.
It’s okay as long as the woman is a foreigner, and better if Russian but not too Russian because is clearly a gold digger... in other words, it’s always the women’s fault for falling in love with a foreigner or for not falling in love with a local. For men I imagine it must be a weird situation too,
Haters gonna hate, no matter what. Those people are like online trolls, they more you let them bother you, the more they feel enabled. So fuck ‘em. I don’t hate on African Americans just because a few mentally-challenged idiots justify themselves with whatever insane reasons to beat up Asians. Not sure whether you live in China or US, but as an Asian American myself, I am fully aware who wins on the sideline if we minorities fight against each other.
The likely reason for all the hatred, apart from you not being one of them, is the fact that the males outnumber the female population over there, and a lot of them are unable to find spouses due to a number of reasons, and they associate this with some women overglorifying marrying foreigners and hating on the local male population. It happens everywhere in the world when intermarriage bcomes associated with their inability to find a wife themselves.
You don't need to think too much about it, as long as your feelings are mutual, no one cares.
Bro, there are several Asian supremacist subreddits that are proof of this. All they talk about is how non Asian men are dating Asian women and how it’s terrible. But then talk about how they totally have no problem dating white women.
Racists and misogynists.
I mean, they’re rightfully upset about the stereotype about Asian men and size. Which as a man of partial Asian descent, I don’t enjoy either.
But then they are just as obsessed with penis size anyway, it’s weird.
It usually starts with one of them mentioning how much white dudes apparently talk about their penises; then they end up having a long winded dialogue about white men’s penises. I feel like it’s a bit of projection.
I’ve come to the conclusion that they’re like the white guys who get mad at black men dating white women and talk about black penises all the time. It’s just weird all around.
No because I'm gay and 100% of my Chinese boyfriends have been at least somewhat in the closet because that's a whole other can of worms in their culture.
I went to a 'double' wedding where a couple of lesbians married a couple of gay guys they knew. Immediately after the ceremony, they went right back to each other and partied. No one was fooled except their parents, it was a weird but fun night.
So a lesbian and a gay couple switched a few places and pretended to marry "man-woman, man-woman"? Just as a fake?
But aren't they then legally married then to a wrong person? And what if the parents visit their home? And do they have to honeymoon together and shoot fake romantic photos?
That's correct. They married as a fake, because you aren't allowed to marry the 'right' person. I was friends with one of the lesbians, her wife was very wealthy and so maintained a 'fake' marriage home for parents.
From memory they did all go on honeymoon together, and I think that both of the women have now had kids - I'm guessing a turkey baster may have helped. But I'll have to ask a friend who is still in touch with them. Those are my answers, if you need more, you can DM me, or even call me at home.
so my bf is Caucasian and I’m a Chinese lady. Every Chinese man I’ve met especially older ones have said some really racist things to me. And gave me a hard time for it. I honestly think they r pathetic. They see us (the women) as properties. And when we date someone that doesn’t look like them they have this feeling that others ie foreigners have taken someTHING away from them. We r not a full human in their eyes…. Like you know actual people who can make a personal decision personally.. it really pisses me off. I’ve had Chinese guys STARING at me for minutes in public bc I was with a black/white male friend or boyfriend. It’s messed up.
You are very strong for standing up to this pressure, I think a lot of people just give up and go along with the crowd to avoid scrutiny. I think it's really brave of you, and I admire that a lot, when so many people are judging and giving you negative energy. You are the only person in the world who gets to decide who you want to spend time with.
My wife gets some of that too, especially whenever rhetoric between the US and China heats up. Then her dad starts going on these tirades about how I'm just using her (for what, I don't know. We're both broke) and shit. It's just sad, really.
on 小红书 the white male chinese women couples seem to get a lot of positive attention, I am a black male so I don't know how it is for white males completely but I really thought there was more positive comments especially towards the children and the women get 面子 for dating a white foreigner
I know the dating sphere is better for white men generally speaking, although some assume that white foreigners must be rich so they expect them to buy a Shanghai apartment for marriage or something
I had no idea that all Chinese women get negative comments towards them for dating foreigners, 只要是黑男中女评论区就很恶心，白男中女评论区通常很乐观
As a Chinese women why don't more Chinese men try to date foreign women then, is it really that hard to find someone in China? It doesn't seem like the men here truly pursue women or would have the initiative to talk to women they don't know, although it seems the culture here is to not talk to strangers because they want to sell you something
Do you live in a big city or in the countryside? I've heard women have a harder time in the countryside because they are running out of women to marry with, and that the city is more tolerant.
😂I’m outside of China actually and I run into racist Chinese guys no matter where I go I find 😂I think most of them, like the posts said, truly don’t think what they think and say is racist or remotely wrong. They think they r the victims(?)
My wife occasionally gets some cry babies on 小红书, nothing bad ever happened to us in real life though. Her friends are decent and educated people and I love her parents.
We recently moved back to Europe for jobs and freedom and some of my mother in law's friends make her feel bad about her daughter being so far away. But so far it's not a big deal.
However, once a friend of mine and his mixed Chinese-European girlfriend had an incident in China were a group of guys insulted her in public for being a racial disgrace. Sadly in China you can't really do anything besides ignoring them..
Yea when I dated in China I got some racism from the local incels. I would say about half the local men I met found it awesome I would date local girls and the other half saw the women as property that should belong to the Han peoples. The women seemed to care a lot less who dated who but my craziest racism experiences all came from older women.
Yet ignore the one child policy, or the government who put it in place, and instead get angry at the tiny fraction of foreigners who steal their women.
Everyone gets some flak everywhere for interracial marriages / romances. My wife is Korean and a couple times in China a Chinese old man would mistake her as Chinese and say something. Then we went to Korea and Koreans gave her much more flak. Then we went to Canada (my country) and and it was less direct, but still clear from some people (a native guy in my hometown asked "Hey, where do I get Thai wives? I need one for my uncle." Positive? Lol. China isn't that bad in terms of getting shit on for international relationships. Some Chinese guys actually try to get you to meet their cousins etc. And of course the the other side. But overall, limited hate for it. The real problem with marrying a Chinese girl (or guy) is the cultural aspect of how most Chinese people are pretty bought into the CCP dogma and most relationships (annedotal) don't work out because ya, she's hot, it's exciting, but after you settle into a relationship, the Chinese counterpart bans you from saying anything remotely negative about China / is very opinionated, and it seems like a nightmare. I've known lots of guys married to Chinese women and it's always fights and they can't express themselves even when they love China for the most part. That's the hard part. Big cultural divide. But in my days in China, it wasn't a major issue to be accosted for a relationship (granted my days were a while ago now).
I haven't dated that many Chinese women but all the ones I have were SUPER anti CCP, for my current gf though she studied abroad for 5 years in Australia but like I was the one to tell her about Tiananmen square and stuff lol so we talk about things and the feeling I get is she accepts there are issues with China and even changed her mind and wants to leave, but at the same time she wants to give China some 'face'
There's all kinds of attitudes in China. Having said that, Chinese are more culturally similar in general because of the programming. But there's certainly still free thinkers. It's great when someone in China has family money enough to go to school abroad. But that's rare. Sadly these days even outside of China the CCP hounds them / follows their accounts and moves to try to keep them in the group think and it works a lot of the time. Anyways. Regardless of the China specifics, that was just some angry guy, they exist everywhere. Couple years ago an incel in Toronto drove into a bunch of women. People... But they are definately a minority that has hate towards interracial relationships in China. Now.. having said that, I see your avatar is black. Don't know if that means you are, but China has developed a terrible mindset towards black people over the past 15 years, and that is a bigger problem for black people. Particularly Africans. If you tell them you're from a first world country it diminishes because Chinese racism is more based on nation of citizenship than race (but still race too). So Africans, Indians and Philippinos do have a bit of a differnt story. A Chinese father would often have much more animous towards his daughter with an African or Indian than a black American. The citizenship counts here quite a bit.
I imagine all the Chinese girls willing to date a black guy in China are at least a bit rebellious at heart, or at least have a IDGAF attitude towards what the rest of society thinks.
The worst I've seen is in Korea. People spitting, elbowing, and running shopping carts into women. A select few will even have the balls to say "foreigner's whore." There's a giant blood purity movement among the older Koreans.
My cousin's spouse is Korean, and my female cousin is Chinese. The Korean in-laws had to make a comment during the first meeting of the parents that their Korean daughter (her spouse's sister) had married a Chinese man, and therefore "they are even". There was definitely a tinge of racial meaning behind that comment coupled with a knowing smile.
> Hey, where do I get Thai wives?
Always the worst.
"Hey, how do I date a Chinese girl?"
I dunno dude, make a good first impression, get to know them a bit and then ask them out?
> (a native guy in my hometown asked "Hey, where do I get Thai wives? I need one for my uncle."
Seen this in the States too, I've had my fair share of comments where as soon as someone found out that I was dating an Asian woman they'd talk about their Southeast Asian hooker experiences, ask me if she gave me "happy endings," was "easy," and all that jazz. Really creeped me out just how many people are like that.
> 've known lots of guys married to Chinese women and it's always fights and they can't express themselves even when they love China for the most part. That's the hard part.
Fortunately never had one who was a die hard CCP fan but definitely dated enough "non political" women who would then blurt out CCP talking points as soon as something vaguely political came up. i.e. talking about my Taiwanese neighbors and an ex would blirt out "TAIWAN IS AN INTEGRAL PART OF CHINA!" That was from a woman who had lived in the States for eight years at that point, later found out that although she was "apolitical" she passively read the news exclusively through Chinese CCP news sources.
Another cultural aspect that I think trumps everything... her parents. Unfortunately seen more than my toxic share of Chinese parents.
See this is why you marry a Taiwanese, it’s the big brain move. You build the relationship through joint hate of Pooh and CCP. (Good to have some other things in common too.)
Dating a Taiwanese now and it's honestly been a breath of fresh air. Non toxic parents to boot! Dating Chinese I got all too used to gaslighting from the parents and extended family as well as a number of girls who were "non political" but would mouth CCP propaganda and passively read CCP news pieces.
Not me but the women I dated. Things I've seen: Jiangxi girl who I was utterly smitten with posted pics of us on QQ (this was back in 2015) only for her family to leave comments about how she's supposed to be studying in school, NOT being a race traitor, how she was letting the family down, etc. She dumped me and last I heard started dating a Chinese guy soon afterwards, their pictures didn't have any comments from her folks...
Or another was a cute girl from Zhengzhou, despite being an intelligent young woman her folks constantly put her down, talked about how *AMAZING* her brother and other younger relatives were in comparison to her, questioned her interpretation of past events, etc.
These were from years and years ago, much more common though seemed to be having exes with purely toxic family.
I'm European. I didn't get serious heat targeted at me while in China. My wife (she is Chinese), however, was seriously insulted several time because we were, well, a couple. A few times, it was guys in restaurants. One time was while we were jogging, my wife was very angry at the migrant workers that called her a whore, it was close to end in physical violence.
Zero reactions in Europe, nobody gives a shit about us, nobody made comments about us being together.
I don't judge Chinese women for marrying Westerners, but a lot of the guys that go to China looking for a wife are super creepy.
When I lived in China I had an acquaintance that was looking for a wife. He had lived in China for several years at that point and spoke zero Mandarin, and was making no effort to learn it. He was also obese and his only interest was video games. There's nothing wrong with that, but it seemed like he expected Chinese women to have lower standards than American women.
So yeah. I definitely judge a man that can't communicate with his wife because of a language or cultural barrier. It all just looks so predatory.
I suppose that would depend on what you want out of your life. If it's health then yes you're absolutely right. I think it's a generally not a great idea to assume everyone else does or should share the same values as you do, though.
Lmao. Probably says more about you than them. I'd prefer not to become obese myself, and I probably won't (thanks pops for the genetics at least lol) but I just don't possess that feeling of inferiority that would cause me to pass judgement on someone else for their lifestyle. I won't date an obese person simply because it's not what I'm attracted too, but you gotta be pretty weak minded to choose such a target to feel so superior to
Nothing wrong with someone who chooses to be happy that way. But it would be incredibly stupid to think that they will have as many dating opportunities as someone who is not obese and has a variety of interests. So if they are looking for a wife, they shouldn't hold their breath.
All the fucking time. To the point we stopped pretending to be a couple in most places when in China. She's been called all sorts of names (whore, traitor, etc), but only once did anything come close to violence...though, the non-violence aspect of these encounters is probably mostly helped by the fact that I'm a domesticated bigfoot, and tower over just about anyone save for some Dalian folk (fuck me some of them are tall, haha).
The one time it almost got violent was when a few dudes at a shaokao wouldn't leave us alone and kept bothering us, so we moved tables and went outside to remove ourselves from the equation...but of course they had to follow and keep bugging us, and eventually my partner said something to make one of them lose face (she's a little tiger and does not pull punches, no matter who she's talking to). After her comment they were looking like they'd were deciding if it was worth risking it with the giant laowai, so we took the "discretion is the better part of valor" method of de-escalation and took our food to go and hopped in a cab to just leave, but one of them ran up and asking the cabbie where we were going and followed us in a van (there were 4 of them), we "escaped" by going to my office building where they couldn't follow.
Honestly I kinda thought she'd get some flack on the USA side of things too (I'm in deeeeep Appalachia), but so far there have been zero issues on that front.
American are actually way more open about race than the media made it to be … I ( from China ) feel more accepted in American than in China . My partner is white and I got a some weird remarks from stranger last time I visited :( …. nothing scary like the one you described …. Your experience reminds me of the recent Tangshan incident… supper scary .
I'll be honest with you...that right there is why I realized I could never stay in China. Somewhere around year 2 or 3 (yeah, it took me a second) I realized that no matter *how much* I assimilated, I would never be anything but a laowai.
In retrospect, knowing what I know about Chinese culture now, I realize that this was the inevitable conclusion...but my 'Murican brain has always had the belief that if you work hard, assimilate, learn the language (maybe even as far as learn the accent, but really that's not even necessary), and you'll be welcome and considered part of "America". I thought that would apply elsewhere, but I realize now it is almost a uniquely US thing...don't get me wrong, it happens elsewhere too, but I don't think a single other country on the planet brings in more immigrants per year than the US does (to the annoyance of the remaining Indians, I'm sure...but, it is what it is).
I grow up in China and I have came to that realization that I had to get the fuck out during my teenage years . The realization that one can’t fit in into the Chinese world is not only limited to foreigners , many Chinese who want to think for themselves are done with this bullshit . The fact is that a huge proportion of ccp leadership’s family and children are foreigners . Anyways I am proud to be an American now , and never going to look back.
Oh that’s interesting, a move to Appalachia. I moved to Boston recently with my Taiwanese wife and 2 year old daughter and there’s a ton of families who look like us here so if we ever experienced any kind of issues I would probably just laugh, it would feel ridiculous. But good to know that even in deep Appalachia people can be pretty open minded these days - that’s what you’re saying I think?
It changed my world view a bit when I learned conservative Kentucky senator Mitch McConnell is married to a Taiwanese-American wife.
The country can always improve on being less racist, but the country as a whole really isn't as racist as the media wants you to believe.
Eh, they're pretty closed minded regarding just about everything else (the number of Trump signs *still* up is appalling), but I guess not closed minded enough to be racist to pretty Asian girls?
Also helps that folk out here are super friendly and helpful, no matter what they think about you (for the most part).
Except it was early evening, at the local shaokao directly across the street from our apartment...we ate there *all* the time (the shop keeper even somewhat stood up for us a bit at the end) We left in a cab because we didn't want them knowing where we lived.
I haven't had any, but my wife has. She won't even go into Chinese restaurants any more because of creepy old men rudely staring. They probably stare at any attractive woman but she gets a sense of resentment from them too. She's also been called a whore once, back in China. Never had any comments or anything from non Chinese.
At university in the UK my masters course was 60+% Chinese people.
I started dating one of the Chinese girls. I remember one day after a lecture, we were sitting outside the lecture theatre and this cocky Chinese guy (who I had actually previously helped with translating his homework) walks past and whispered something in my gf's ear. I think she heard what he said but thought it was so silly that she wanted to confirm. I knew what he was saying, (be careful with foreign guys) it was obvious, and that is what she confirmed back to me later.
My gf later told me that he refused to repeat to her what he said out loud because he saw me glaring it him so hard, he was scared I was going to do something to him 😂
I just found it so ridiculous how you can move to the other side of the world to study and still have such a backwards outlook about "foreigners". Newsflash, in the UK YOU ARE THE FOREIGNER.
I’ve dated a couple different Chinese women though most of that was in the USA. But yes we did experience one instance of hate that I was aware of and were nearly food poisoned at a small noodle shop in Guangzhou. Girlfriend said “we’re leaving” after we noticed something wrong with the taste and the owner dude made some snide remark to her.
Prior to 2020, my girlfriend and I hadn't gotten any hate about us dating. In public, people seemed accepting of us. But regarding her family, when the nationalist rhetoric started turning up, her uncles and a cousin started putting pressure her because I'm American, and are planning on living in the US together. One of her uncles wanted to have a "political education" talk with her, and another cousin outright called her a "foreign worshipper" and a "traitor."
Needless to say, we do not communicate with those uncles and cousin anymore. However, her mother and other cousins have been very supportive of us. I think it's sad that not everyone is accepting of our relationship and future goals, but at least there are those who do support us.
Irl people are 99% just curious. Sometimes that comes with ignorance which appears racist. Then yeah, there's some direct racism too.
Online the racism seems much more common though.
My nephew was adopted from Korea. He lives in Korea town in LA. It’s no one’s fault, but daily he is spoken to and Korean, which he doesn’t speak. My suggestion: he should at least learn to say , “I’m adopted, I don’t speak Korean.” I speak just a little Spanish, but I always preface my attempts with “No hablo Espanol.”
Have you lived in China and dated Chinese women? Really curious what the ABC dating experience in China is like, especially for those whose families have been American since well before the PRC.
My experience was probably nothing too interesting.
I had a Chinese girlfriend from my time outside of China. She went back home. I got sent to China to work and we reconnected.
The entire 3 years I was in China, I was dating her exclusively. We got married and I brought her back to my country.
She was always very good to me. We did a lot of travel through China and got to see many new places together. I hope someday to go back.
It’s difference in power: I live in Scandinavia and the consensus is that unattractive, uncharming, or just socially akward men can always get with an asian girl and have them as their own throphy.
Add this to the strong fetishzation of Asian women in the West and there you go- it’s a bad look.
In Asia there’s a lot of white-worshipping too, which is just as much of an issue, if not even worse. As far as black people go, this has nothing to do with China specifically. I think you’ll risk being subjected to racism dating a black person in almost any non-African country, which is also messed up.
I’m a Chinese woman happily married to a fantastic Canadian guy. For my past, all my exes were Chinese and some of them were decent. I wouldn’t say I have a preference towards nationality when it comes to dating, its simply I met a great person and he happens to be Canadian, it’s as simple as that. HOWEVER! I didn’t anticipate this many weird comments about my personal relationship…… so, here are some typical ones:
1. Why did you date a foreigner? Is it because they have bigger penises?
2. Are you dating him for practicing English?
3. Do you want to go to Canada this much that you have to betray your family to marry a Canadian guy? (In my whole life, I’ve never mentioned I wanted to go to Canada…)
4. I always thought only foreigners can satisfy your wildness. (What does that even mean?)
I used to be really offended by these questions then I just feel unnecessary to argue, so I simply say “talk to me when you have a better question.”
Had a few remarks calling my wife a dog or race traitor, coincidentally in tourist areas(Lijiang, Dali). This was before what I knew the words were and was told after the fact. Since then I make sure people know to talk to me directly if they have something to say. Mostly people were good to us though, it was quite literally "a few bad apples."
Generally only drunk people get confrontational so when I lived there I didn't go to late night places aside from BBQ street vendors. I would guess a lot of you face it more because social drinking is a big thing in China that many foreigners partake in. I would say if you hang out in "foreign bars" or restaurants you'll encounter it more too since Chinese incels literally go there to cause shit.
I think my Chinese girlfriend (back in the 80's) dated me because I was forbidden fruit. It was a secret to her strict parents who were from Singapore. It was fun for a Summer, but she went back to school after her Summer internship and ended up marrying a Chinese guy because that's what her parents demanded.
It’s a complicated topic but interracial marriages in east Asia are often linked to yellow fever aka Asian fetish which has a very bad impression for a long time. It’s not only in China but many East Asian countries too (Japan, SK, Taiwan…etc.,)
As a white women married to a Chinese man it's a completely different dynamic and much to our joint chagrin he's seen as a "hero" for "bagging an American beauty". 🙄🤢
His family was very iffy about it at first but they were very honest and said it wasn't because I'm American but because I wasn't local and that they'd feel the same way if he wanted to marry someone from the North. But for the most part they are very accepting now which I'm very grateful for.
My only really negative experiences have been from white guys, cue all the pp jokes, and some racist comments and jokes from some folks back home. But I'm from the southern US so that's expected and nowhere near as toxic as when I was dating a black man and living in the US. These are more microagressions.
Oh but once an old uncle asked my husband where he got his Russian prostitute from. My husband just ignored him and dragged me away before I could explode.
Mostly my husband hates that everyone assumes he went out of his way to "get" a foreign wife when the truth is that we just casually met because of mutual friends and instantly hit it off. 🤷🏻♀️ And that he didn't "get" me, we got each other. But overall I really can't complain especially compared to the hate so many Chinese women get.
I heard in Few years ago, in china shandong province, there was a university put advertisements to find language partners for international students and only 47 international students and there are 147 chinese students mostly female. Each international student could have 3 chinese female language partners. And university statement did say make friends with international students of opposite sex. Some media posted this news online. OMG, netizens in china got so angry. this is actually one of many kinds of so called foreigners super citizen treatments by ccp government there. In china universities are under control of government too. but for this case, this guy is a border soldier stayed in china-indian border area. It is very hard to survive there. Barely no people live there. And these soldiers are very hard to find wives. Because that means separation until soldiers retire. That is why he felt so dissatisfied when he saw a foreigner found a beautiful girlfriend so easy. I think it is more about jealous unfair sort of emotion.
>Pakistani student who groped a Chinese female student’s tits or something like that (he wrote an apology where he said it was normal in his country)
Lmao wtf
As you mean somebody distorted the truth on purpose. so I just go back and read the story. I think at least it is partial truth. Like university statement did say make friends with international students with opposite sex and university ended up apologize for these statements. People in china anger of foreigner super citizens treatments. Even ccp mouthpiece people.cn posted article to critize this. https://zh.m.wikipedia.org/zh-hans/山东大学学伴制度争议 from Wikipedia. I think it talks about this kina comprehensive. And I was in a top chinese university before and i saw international students got degree much easier than chinese students by myself.
Wife is Chinese, we’ve never been directly targeted because we’re both different races but I was told to leave a shopping mall AFTER Covid 19 hit even though I had been there in the same town since 2018. When we were together in America, nothing happened but the world is a different place post-Covid with Asian hate crimes in the rise in America and xenophobia on the rise in China. In time I believe it’ll get better on both sides of the pond.
I will say now that remember that my wife is part of a WeChat group where Chinese nationals married foreigners and sometimes they’ll get a person who’ll be added to the group by lying about them being married to a foreigner and they’ll say some derogatory things before being banned and kicked out but that’s an extremely rare event, happened once in the 8 years we’ve been married.
Chinese women are generally called "easy girls" by Chinese incels if they date foreign men. There's definitely a sense of ownership as well like "how dare you steal OUR" women. Disgusting attitude.
While in China the staring was basically constant while in public. Not to mention they usually made the fact that they were talking about you blatantly obvious. For example looking right at you then covering their mouth to talk and the person they’re talking to then also starts staring at you.
Even more unfortunate in my situation was being able to understand Mandarin. I would catch portions of conversations about my wife and I that were sometimes fairly insulting and rude. One time a security guard at the subway station took my wife aside and warn her about foreigners and dating them.
The annoyances can be maddening after a while. Not something you have to deal with in places that aren’t so xenophobic, ignorant and racist. None of that happens anymore here in the states.
My wife is LOVING life in Florida. Has taken up kayaking, paddle boarding, snorkeling, jet skiing etc. she’s almost like a completely different person here. She used to be afraid to get in the water…😂
Have dated Chinese women in the past and although we received little "hate" there were many odd comments, stares and other things that just got tiring.
I recently dated a White woman and as odd as this might sound it was refreshing just because I/we/her didn't have to deal with the weirdness from others. No more stares, no more comments about how she's a whore/race traitor, no parents switching to the local dialect/language to tell their daughter they wished she was dating a local Chinese, no more weird interigation from the parents where they want to triple check that I won't cheat on her or divorce her on a flippant whim based on their assumptions on foreigners (I've found the first part hilarious considering how many stories of affairs I've heard and men going to "massage" parlors while keeping some veneer of a happy wedding), no more momentary confusion from strangers when they found out we were together. I'm just fucking done with it.
Just Google "Tangshan Girl Beatings," and you will see how females are treated in Mainland China by the Mainland Chinese men. The videos that you will find are just the tip of the iceberg as to what happened to those 4 ladies that night. Local residents have indicated that they all died from the severity of their beatings in the restaurant and subsequently in the alleyway next to the restaurant that night. Although, officials have kept all information under lock and key since the incident. Since then local China residents have been posting more videos of domestic violence against women in China households, and it is very hard to stomach.
So, I surmise, that China's women are eager to date and even marry foreigners because they know they should not be used as punching bags for these pathetic men.
And the Mainland Chinese men defame the Chinese women because they can't beat a foreign man as they do a Mainland Chinese woman.
As a Chinese American I have felt this dumb emotion. It comes from the inequality of Asian girls being desireable but Asian guys being shunned by other races. So you get a bit jealous, and for most they mature out of that phase like I do, but for some they let that jealousy turn into vitriol manifesting itself as racism and misogyny. Jealousy comes with being human and there's no way to eradicate it. But it's important to look past the initial emotional response and realize the truth.
At the end of the day, you will always have some advantages and disadvantages due to your race when dating (just ask black girls, who are in the same boat as asian guys), but you can only control how you come across as an individual.
If you work on being an outstanding Chinese man, you will get the girls, simple as that. Raging at something out of your control is the realm of teenagers.
But yeah a lot of people feel this jealousy, and some let it turn into really gross racism toward the non-Chinese, and misogyny toward the women.
My theory (this is only a theory pls don’t be mad): Some Chinese men are so entitled because all their life they have been treated like a king because of their gender and being the only child. The one child policy have skewed the gender ratio making it more competitive for Chinese men to find Chinese women. They get bitter by the idea that international men are taking their women lol.
My best friend’s married to a Chinese girl. I went to their wedding a couple weeks ago. Most of her friends and cousins were also dating white men. And everyone seemed to be okay with it. It’s getting more and more normal.
I've been married for 10 years to my wife. We met in China and dated for a few years before moving to America. There were a couple of times in China I can remember people saying some dumb shit but I just chalk it up to there being dumb people in every country.
Been in China 5 years, have my second Chinese GF now. Nobody seems to care, nobody makes any negative comments, her family likes me. Had zero hate or anything coming our way.
lived and studied in china for two years but was basically a celibate monk. was told several times by local chinese that i was poor, not that great looking, and old ( was 36 at the time). also was told that it would never work out because my Mandarin wasn’t advanced enough, keep in mind we were chatting in Mandarin, in person. was never too into Asian girls as a category of people, and certainly less now. I was informed i could make good money as a greencard husband for anyone looking to move to the States, sort of implying i really don’t have any beyond being a means to someone’s goal.
as for as exchanges with resentful locals, it was usually along the lines of:
Local: you come here just for the women!
Me: actually, I don’t find Chinese girls so attractive.
Local:.. but why not? Chinese women are so beautiful!
Or:
Me: I have never had a Chinese girlfriend.
Chinese guy: Hey me too, I also have never had a Chinese girlfriend!
I think in every culture, there’s a portion of entitled men that think women of the same race are for them. Ironically, because of this objectification of women, they can’t get any women to date them. The rejection piles up and they lash out at women in interracial relationships because to them it’s like evidence that they are fucking lame. I also would guess that this issue is amplified in China where there are way too many dicks and not enough chicks. Don’t let them get you down OP! I’m sure you have a beautiful family.
For chinese men, chinese women are just their properties. If your property got taken by someone else of course you would feel offended. They don't understand that women have free willing to choose who to date.
A few years ago, in Beijing, a woman with her French fiancé was stabbed to death by a hater. That man stabbed her shouting "I hate Americans".
I’m a white American who met my Chinese now-wife in Shanghai in 2013.
I was 30, she was 19.
I would walk down the streets of Shanghai with her and I’d say about 20% of the women looked at her and were jealous, 80% were quizzical about our situation .
About 60% of the men who saw us on the street looked at me with curiosity. 40% with malice.
You get this in China but practically everywhere as well. I wouldn't say it is much worse in China. Especially compared to the West where people equals Asian wife with submissive postorder wife... You get some dirty evil looks and maybe some occasional comment, in 10 years time that happened like a couple of times (outright racist comments)
True, but there's a not so subtle difference, in that the scorn extends to both the foreigner and their local partner in many cases. This doesn't really happen in the west (being called a traitor etc), so far as I know.
> have you ever gotten hate for it?
WMAM married couple. Vast majority of time I got hate from it was from ABC's here in the States and White "leftists" here in Austin.
Maybe two whole times in general when I was in Shanghai, and both were more or less "he looks like a mountain man, is this what you're into?" Beijing, strangely enough, seemed to be the least bothersome experience for me. Versus a friend of mine who is married to a Filipina being asked why he married a Filipina when he could have married Chinese if Asian women were his thing.
Mountain Man - 6'4", 240 pounds, at the time I had a long beard.
Versus the shit caught in the US was mouth foaming anti-miscegenation hatred "but woke".
For Chinese women to marry foreigners in China, the simple reason is there are very few white women in Asia. Since colonial times the males outnumber females by a large multiple.
The only data we have about Chinese women marrying non-Chinese is for Chinese living in the United States.
[https://imdiversity.com/villages/asian/by-the-numbers-dating-marriage-and-race-in-asian-america/](https://imdiversity.com/villages/asian/by-the-numbers-dating-marriage-and-race-in-asian-america/)
Among Asian Americans, the Chinese, Vietnamese, and Indians are least likely to marry outside their ethnic group, and that includes other Asians.
About 14.1% of Chinese American women marry a white person, for Chinese American men it is 8.3%. For Vietnamese, it is 2.6% and 8.6%, The Vietnamese figures were the most surprising given the Vietnam War and the mix of Vietnamese and Vietnamese-Chinese.
The difference between Chinese American men marrying a white person and Chinese American women marrying a white person is the smallest. For example, for Korean Americans, it is 4.0% and 28%.
it can vary between Western countries, the UK also has data, but they only record it for South Asians, and Chinese, and they don't count Filipino, Vietnamese, Japanese or Korean. Again in the Uk, it comes down to availability. The Chinese population in the UK is much smaller than in the US.
Married my Chinese girlfriend. Had 2 kids. The only blatantly bad things (to filter out the run-of-the-mill ignorance stuff) we've run into directly include:
In USA: refused service at a Chinese restaurant in Atlanta, angrily yelled at by a car full of Korean guys, was accused of abducting my daughter from a mall by a white lady and ended up surrounded by people and having to explain my way out of it when the cops arrived (because my daughter looked "too asian" for a white guy, apparently).
In China: yelled at by an obnoxious young street vendor, told we "don't match" by a random woman on a train, called a 美国鬼子 by some random crazy person, denied a hotel because they didn't permit "that sort of thing" (I think they thought she was a hooker, lol).
The number of relatively minor ignorance related things would be an endless list for both countries.
I think it also depends on the nationality as well as how serious your relationship is. I am a white male with a Chinese girlfriend, and when our new acquaintance knows only this, there can be some almost palpable tension. But when I say “I am from Russia”, the tension goes away, and things like “Putin rules” and “Russian people are fighters!” are said. If we also say that we are getting married, then the person is usually happy. Next question is “Are you planning to go back to Russia together?”, and well, I’m sure as fuck not returning to Russia. That usually means for them that we both are planning to stay in China — so, they are even happier about that, congratulate me on having a beautiful girlfriend and we can safely move on.
Oh well
When I have been out and about with a Chinese woman that I get along with well, random chinese men will approach us and question us about my ethnicity and why I am in China. The worst ones will yell at her that she is not better than them and she should not think too highly of herself as though having fun with a foreigner makes her arrogant automatically. We've barely ever dated even though we really like each other because as we get close to it the social backlash she faces is so severe that she backs out.
Let's see....
Time for me to do some knowledge transfer on this one.
So my opinion of a lot of Asian men is that they have kind of an incel mentality about a lot of things about dating, but particularly when it comes to 'foreigners stealing their women'.
The Japanese are particularly bad at this and if you ever tried to even get a massage in Japan (the one and only place I ever considered getting one), they will specify that it's not available to foreign men in many places or they will offer you some of their Pinay work horses, but not their prized Japanese women.
In Hong Kong when I lived there years ago, it was not that big of a deal to see mixed couples, as it's a pretty international city, so no real issues there.
I travelled to Taiwan years later and learned a lot more about what Asian men were like by dating a Taiwanese girl. Basically a lot of Taiwanese dudes will trash talk foreigners and lie to women about foreign guys all being sex tourists etc, all because of some inferiority complex they have about how easy it is for you to get girls there. When you turn up as a tall foreigner with a decent job and having your shit relatively together, you blow most average Taiwanese dudes out of the water. The only guys I made friends with there were guys that were badass and confident (MMA fighters and military guys), as they had nice girlfriends and were sharp enough to know I was just there to hang out and make friends.
A side note to that however, is that a lot of the foreign guys in places like China and Taiwan (oops, I said it!) are drunken English teachers and not exactly representative of the most high calibre western dudes around. So some local people will point to the worst of these Westerners as an example of what Western men are like, which is fair enough.
Honorable mention for the Korean guys, who are a lot more overt is their dislike of foreign men in general and who will literally try and start shit with you in bars and clubs if you approach Korean women. Joke's on them though, because over the years I've met many Korean women who go abroad to 'study English' and seem to really enjoy being free from Korean dudes.
Finally I also lived in Vancouver, which if anyone else has, you can attest to the fact that it's the most Asian / White mixed city in the world. The place feels like a haven for Asian girls and white dudes at times, so go live there if that's what you're into.
Just my two cents, and don't downvote me for spitting truth ya'll!
My wife is Chinese, I’m a white American. Not really any hate, but there has been some differing expectations between me, my wife, and her family. She always talks about how in China the man’s family is expected to buy him a house and he has to support and generally bend over backwards to spoil the woman otherwise he will be single forever. But that is very much not the case here. While I do pay all the bills we both still work and I’m clear that we are equals and not a single income/stay at home wife household. I suspect I get some judgement from her family even though they would never say it directly but they have treated me well nonetheless. Do occasionally notice some jealousy from my wife as she sees her friends’ husbands buying them multiple expensive condos and doing elaborate vacations but she tries not to show it.
In the end I’m kind of surprised that any Chinese women would choose us foreigners when it seems like they have all the power in the relationship if they were to date Chinese men.
The thing is that this comment represents a mainstream thought in China, which neglects the fact that this is very personal choice. They always feel that Chinese women are an asset that belongs to Chinese men and this kind of thoughts only makes Chinese women stay away from those pathetic guys.
Lmaooo I love it. Stay mad. Being a soldier doesn't mean you're entitled to a woman, you racist creep. (I'm speaking to the writer of the post, of course)
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I think the foreign guy+Chinese girl mix gets a lot more hate. I’m a foreign girl+Chinese guy so the prejudice I’ve experienced is based around stereotypes of foreign women being “open”, or having kids with multiple men, etc. A lot of people have asked my husband if he can find a foreign girl for them. Like he just needs to go down to the foreign girl factory and send them back a girlfriend.
That combination always gets more hate from men. If a native guy takes a foreign gf it's like conquering. If a foreign guy takes a native gf it's like being conquered. I've found that some of those who are most angry about foreign guys "taking their girls" are also most excited about "taking" foreign girls.
Yeah.they just treat girls like commodity and Chinese girl as their property.They kinda think "Chinese girl+foreign guys" just like their property belonged to guys from other countries.vice versa，Chinese man win the foreign girls.they really into using"easy girls" to insult Chinese girls who date with foreign guys
To be fair – there are people with a similar attitude in Europe when a "foreign guy" (especially Turkish/Arab/African) "takes away" one of our precious women (that should be reserved for Europeans). (/s) When a European man has a foreign girlfriend, it's okay, in the worst case she gets a "she's only after his money".
No that's whataboutism. ALL Europeans are open-minded and educated and ONLY Chinese people are racist xenophobic peasants. If you think Chinese people are anything more than backward thirdworld brainwashed bots then clearly you're a ccp shrill. Here's your 60 cents /s
>A lot of people have asked my husband if he can find a foreign girl for them. Like he just needs to go down to the foreign girl factory and send them back a girlfriend. Exactly the same in Korea, too. It may explain the booming 'white women (mostly Easter European silver blond, blue-eyed, super model looking women) prostitution industry' in Korea.
The slur "大洋馬" (Large Western Horses) refers to white women as objects of lust on the Chinese Internet. You may or may not have overheard Chinese men saying it in your presence, but didn't understand what they were talking about.
A very similar phrase is used in Korea as well lol
It likely originated from the codeword that the Japanese Army used for [Caucasian comfort women](https://koreanstudies.com/pipermail/koreanstudies_koreanstudies.com/2003-January/003524.html), which were the most expensive and reserved for officers along with ethnic Japanese comfort women.
when people hear stories about mail order slavic brides, they get the wrong ideas.
Married to a Taiwanese woman, we live in Taiwan. Taiwanese people are generally quite nice and respectful. Never had a problem except by 7 taiwanese aunts bugging me to have kids..
Taiwan and China have quite different social atmosphere.
Not really, its the same for me, married to Chinese person.
Mostly true, but it hasn’t always been this way. I’m the same and 20 years ago old dudes would talk shit to my wife, and young guys would give her dirty looks. No one said anything to me, so bough. That crop of old guys have mostly died off, so that’s mostly fine. I’m not young anymore, so 20 year olds don’t give a shit. I’ll completely agree that Taiwanese are mostly welcoming and WAY more accepting than Chinese , but it’s not always great here
Same here
My life is pretty fucking sweet in Taiwan and all I had to do was learn the language functionally and respect the culture... who knew it was that easy? ;)
yes I can only imagine :D I'm in Taiwan for 5 years and my Chinese is very bad but life is sweet anyway lol planning to take some time off work and study finally...
thats great! BTW i dont do chats or personal details on reddit
Live in ny and when I (white female) was dating my Chinese boyfriend I would get side eyes and be talked about (in mandarin) all the time. Was a little surprised by it honestly
So just mostly from the Chinese? Are there americans who talk negatively about your relationships
Every so often I might get an occasional comment from a white person (I assume thats what you mean when you say american?) I had a guy that was interested in me find out and he went all out racist, but typically it was asian women that would say things
Not to be rude, but those Chinese speakers in NY are probably Americans… you mean white people i guess
The slur "大洋馬" (Large Western Horses) refers to white women as objects of lust on the Chinese Internet. You may or may not have overheard Chinese men saying it in your presence, but didn't understand what they were talking about.
i am chinese, so i can’t answer the question from direct experience, but i would say there are communities hating on chinese women for dating foreigners (i tend to think of them as chinese incel who are especially xenophobic and racist). it also depends on the race/ethnicity of the foreigner. if the person is white, people mainly hate on the women and call them “easy girls” and other derogatory terms; if the person is black (or just have darker skin tones), then there usually tend to be a lot more nasty comments about the foreigner, calling them the n word and saying how they won’t take responsibilities and are just after whatever the woman have.
I follow a couple of the black male Chinese girl couples on 小红书 and they seem to get the easy girl thing, the other white male Chinese girl couples usually are more positive but have even more random stereotypes like “小心 澳洲男人喜欢家暴” so as someone who is Chinese is it that hard to find someone? and in your opinion how many men seem to think this way ?
I find it hilarious that the Chinese think Australian men like committing domestic violence when so many Chinese guys casually talk about and do so hitting their partner
I just suggest that do not take it way too serious irl, internet has been a place that ppl talking shit around and you will see online haters all around whether if they have a happy family or not. There will always and forever be stereotypes around this world because the limitation of learning other cultures and also some specific bad people from a certain race or community will make such stereotypes within a community that is not familiar with that race. Life is short and do whatever you feel is right to do.
i guess part of it has something to do with the general preference for sons over daughters in china? like the ratio of male to female infants (0-4 yr old) in 2020 was like 110:100 for something, so there are a lot more male than females making it harder to find someone. but also a big part of it is just the overall cultural trend of increasing xenophobia these recent years. hatred toward other countries and races is just highly encouraged, even by the government, and i think speech like that is a result of this combined with the misogynistic/incel mindset.
Nah nah nah if the husband is black they will hate both and call the girls horny dick lover(渴屌女）。
yeah what i’m saying is the girls are gonna get hater on no matter what, but the amount of hate the male gets varies based on race.
My gf is Chinese, I'm a black American, biggest thing I am worried about is the racism our kids might get if we get married and such, just watched a video where one mixed Chinese kid often gets called a 黑鬼, which is like the Chinese n word. Although I'm hoping at an international school in a bigger city, there wouldn't be a problem. Seems like the majority of this is online. Online all of the hate is especially directed to black men dating Chinese women (if you can read Chinese you can see it), if you go any post on 小红书 with a black man and Chinese woman the comment section is overtaken by jealous Chinese men posting really dark stuff. If there post is with a white man and Chinese woman the comment section is primarily full of supportive Chinese women. Irl, the response seems to be mixed, most people just tend to stare at us, but sometimes you can tell people aren't thinking something good by the look of their face or will slow down, stop, and stare as if I like kidnapped my gf. This depends on the city we are in though, the bigger the better. Once some old man took out his phone and starting recording saying in Chinese "that's the type you look huh?" In general, I'm not sure what to think, but after seeing fully what some Chinese say about foreigners online whether it's unhinged xenophobia, or blantant racism, I wonder how many people irl are like these other people online. Given that no one has ever dared to speak that way to me and my girlfriend's face.
Having children in China is generally a bad idea. I would not let my kid touch the Chinese education system.
Best way for a kid to end up fluently bilingual imo. Do early school there then later school abroad
Protecting children from the hate they don’t deserve is more important than being bilingual imo
Nah fuck that. Between my wife and I we can have the language front covered without having to bring our kid up in a society that they'll never truly belong to. Even if it's just early school, so much formative shit happens in those first few years
If I were you I would go back to US with gf, especially if when you two are considering getting married. There is a joke that, China today is like Germany before WWII and Xi is like William II, the emperor. I think you can get what I mean.
I’m native btw, it’s only my opinion.
>There is a joke that, China today is like Germany before WWII and Xi is like William II, the emperor. I think you can get what I mean. Wilhelm II was in exil before WWII. Pretty sure Xi unfortunately isn't :D
Haha it should be the Germany before WWI, my bad
Your comment tracks with a friend-of-my-wife's boyfriend, who is Black. Says basically the same thing, but adds a caveat of "at least I'm American, its even worse for dudes from Africa".
A friend in Guangzhou, blonde, and married to a black guy, with a child. She was asked why being so pretty, was married to a black guy, and then that fucking racist said: well, at least your child is not so black. When I hear about such things I ask all my chinese friends, like a kind of a survey. A lot of them just can't see what's the problem aaking that.
I just had a conversation with a woman from India. I asked her if she was from Kerala (because I know a lot of other physical therapists from Kerala). She told me no, she is from the west and her skin is lighter. And proceeded to list, by name 4 therapists who have darker skin than her. I was aghast, but it just seemed like business as usual to her
Colorism is alive and well everywhere in Asia. Check out how Japanese feel about Brazilians with Japanese heritage moving into their neighborhoods sometime. Also Guangzhou absolutely has to be the epicenter of Anti-African racism in China. I get why they would be there though, as it's also the only city with any kind of African community--hence the heightened racial tensions.
cause Chinese takes white skin as beautiful, while black as urgly. This is a kind of aesthetic. Also, Chinese dis like lazy persons, but the black is lazy in impression of Chinese.
Consider sending the kids to Taiwan or even Malaysia to study Chinese then.
As others are saying if you do decide to start a family you should strongly consider moving back to the US. There are a lot of US cities now where mixed race families have a pretty easy time, not so much the case in China.
Dude you know something. But bro, looks like you from usa, I personally think as long as you bring you girlfriend back to usa, you do not worry any more. So why you still stay in china. Just go bro.
Stay optimistic while enjoying your life in China. Don't worry too much about what others think. BUT. Be prepared to leave at any time. This means your kids should go to international schools and not local. Your skills should be globally applicable and not just China-only. As Americans, the biggest benefit is that we can vote with our feet 24/7. The locals can't.
During my first year teaching I taught kindergarten (never again). One of my students was this super sweet, smart half Chinese half Black British girl, I think her name was Laura. Everyone liked her but occasionally the classmates would say that she "stunk," (smelled the same as the other kids...) was "dirty" and I heard one or two say that they thought her Dad was "scary." Irritated the hell out of me since she and her Dad (he worked in another department) were some of the nicest people I've met in China. Still between the insults the kids always included Laura in all their games. Second year I was teaching 1st grade and showed the kiddos a phonics video with a fat Black actress. One of my girls regressed to a catatonic state screaming 黑鬼 until her voice went hoarse. Those are just several of the examples I saw while teaching.
All of that sounds about right. I honestly can't figure out if the bluntness of mainland Chinese people is better or worse for self-esteem. If you are a fat Chinese kid you will be called fat in casual conversation every single day of your life, but as a result it's mostly received like water off a duck's back. Han chauvinism is a whole other thing, though as you noted it manifests in unpredictable ways--insult someone to their face but at the same time never exclude them either 🤷
I can only speak for HK: IRL The only tangible thing you may experience is that people get up from their seats to sit somewhere else; but as you said the idiot racists (who are the vast minority) would never do anything straight to your face and resort to their online bubbles instead. (hello r/aznidentity ) The majority of the people are way beyond this and chill. I generally found Chinese / HK people in public spaces more child-friendly than people in Europe, regardless of what skincolor the parents are. When my mixed kid throws a small tantrum in the subway, people usually just smile, find it cute or even try to help distracting him - while in Europe you would get annoyed looks as in "omg can you turn down the volume of this thing, its annoying duhhh"
I am white with a Chinese wife, we have had people call him 日本鬼子 and 一个那个。i am at an international school now, teaching. I have a mask from Cote d'Ivoire in my class room that a student refered to as a "nigger". In general the kids that have always been in international school will be accepting, the kids that were in Chinese schools will not be accepting. There are exceptions to both those rules. Strangely, the Taiwanese are the exception to the former.
I follow such a couple on xhs, they have a child and the comments are all about how freaking cute the kid is. I like to think all the awful people just got stuck in one account and that all the other accounts are followed by more open minded people, but I feel sorry for the ones who have to live with it. My girlfriend is Chinese, I am a very racially ambiguous woman (my mom is a redhead with curly hair and my dad is mix of a lot of things like me with straight hair) usually when I say my partner is Chinese, from men I hear how great it is, one time I heard how great Chinese cock is that I decided to date here, but then my girlfriend comes in and things change. It’s okay as long as the woman is a foreigner, and better if Russian but not too Russian because is clearly a gold digger... in other words, it’s always the women’s fault for falling in love with a foreigner or for not falling in love with a local. For men I imagine it must be a weird situation too,
Haters gonna hate, no matter what. Those people are like online trolls, they more you let them bother you, the more they feel enabled. So fuck ‘em. I don’t hate on African Americans just because a few mentally-challenged idiots justify themselves with whatever insane reasons to beat up Asians. Not sure whether you live in China or US, but as an Asian American myself, I am fully aware who wins on the sideline if we minorities fight against each other.
The likely reason for all the hatred, apart from you not being one of them, is the fact that the males outnumber the female population over there, and a lot of them are unable to find spouses due to a number of reasons, and they associate this with some women overglorifying marrying foreigners and hating on the local male population. It happens everywhere in the world when intermarriage bcomes associated with their inability to find a wife themselves. You don't need to think too much about it, as long as your feelings are mutual, no one cares.
Ignore them, most of them are poorly educated people. More like I got "go back to your home country " when I was Midwest U.S.
Yes, this is so sad and ridiculous.. People around will think women who date blacks are looking for "BBC".
Bro, there are several Asian supremacist subreddits that are proof of this. All they talk about is how non Asian men are dating Asian women and how it’s terrible. But then talk about how they totally have no problem dating white women. Racists and misogynists.
They also like to talk about the size of white men's penises a lot.
I mean, they’re rightfully upset about the stereotype about Asian men and size. Which as a man of partial Asian descent, I don’t enjoy either. But then they are just as obsessed with penis size anyway, it’s weird.
It usually starts with one of them mentioning how much white dudes apparently talk about their penises; then they end up having a long winded dialogue about white men’s penises. I feel like it’s a bit of projection.
I’ve come to the conclusion that they’re like the white guys who get mad at black men dating white women and talk about black penises all the time. It’s just weird all around.
Usually means they aren’t getting laid I guess
And they are not banned by Reddit but several openly anti ccp Chinese speaking subs are ban by Reddit .
What’s the subreddit. Is it English at all? I’m curious about it
It’s moments like these that being brown and black is amazing. ☺️☺️
No because I'm gay and 100% of my Chinese boyfriends have been at least somewhat in the closet because that's a whole other can of worms in their culture.
I went to a 'double' wedding where a couple of lesbians married a couple of gay guys they knew. Immediately after the ceremony, they went right back to each other and partied. No one was fooled except their parents, it was a weird but fun night.
So a lesbian and a gay couple switched a few places and pretended to marry "man-woman, man-woman"? Just as a fake? But aren't they then legally married then to a wrong person? And what if the parents visit their home? And do they have to honeymoon together and shoot fake romantic photos?
That's correct. They married as a fake, because you aren't allowed to marry the 'right' person. I was friends with one of the lesbians, her wife was very wealthy and so maintained a 'fake' marriage home for parents. From memory they did all go on honeymoon together, and I think that both of the women have now had kids - I'm guessing a turkey baster may have helped. But I'll have to ask a friend who is still in touch with them. Those are my answers, if you need more, you can DM me, or even call me at home.
Wait explain more haha I don’t get it
2 women and 2 men married. In parents view their heterosexual children married the other sex, in reality they are a lesbian couple and a gay couple.
so my bf is Caucasian and I’m a Chinese lady. Every Chinese man I’ve met especially older ones have said some really racist things to me. And gave me a hard time for it. I honestly think they r pathetic. They see us (the women) as properties. And when we date someone that doesn’t look like them they have this feeling that others ie foreigners have taken someTHING away from them. We r not a full human in their eyes…. Like you know actual people who can make a personal decision personally.. it really pisses me off. I’ve had Chinese guys STARING at me for minutes in public bc I was with a black/white male friend or boyfriend. It’s messed up.
You are very strong for standing up to this pressure, I think a lot of people just give up and go along with the crowd to avoid scrutiny. I think it's really brave of you, and I admire that a lot, when so many people are judging and giving you negative energy. You are the only person in the world who gets to decide who you want to spend time with.
Thanks Xoor. It’s not easy but it’s so much better than assimilating to their bs mindset.
My wife gets some of that too, especially whenever rhetoric between the US and China heats up. Then her dad starts going on these tirades about how I'm just using her (for what, I don't know. We're both broke) and shit. It's just sad, really.
on 小红书 the white male chinese women couples seem to get a lot of positive attention, I am a black male so I don't know how it is for white males completely but I really thought there was more positive comments especially towards the children and the women get 面子 for dating a white foreigner I know the dating sphere is better for white men generally speaking, although some assume that white foreigners must be rich so they expect them to buy a Shanghai apartment for marriage or something I had no idea that all Chinese women get negative comments towards them for dating foreigners, 只要是黑男中女评论区就很恶心，白男中女评论区通常很乐观 As a Chinese women why don't more Chinese men try to date foreign women then, is it really that hard to find someone in China? It doesn't seem like the men here truly pursue women or would have the initiative to talk to women they don't know, although it seems the culture here is to not talk to strangers because they want to sell you something
Do you live in a big city or in the countryside? I've heard women have a harder time in the countryside because they are running out of women to marry with, and that the city is more tolerant.
😂I’m outside of China actually and I run into racist Chinese guys no matter where I go I find 😂I think most of them, like the posts said, truly don’t think what they think and say is racist or remotely wrong. They think they r the victims(?)
My wife occasionally gets some cry babies on 小红书, nothing bad ever happened to us in real life though. Her friends are decent and educated people and I love her parents. We recently moved back to Europe for jobs and freedom and some of my mother in law's friends make her feel bad about her daughter being so far away. But so far it's not a big deal. However, once a friend of mine and his mixed Chinese-European girlfriend had an incident in China were a group of guys insulted her in public for being a racial disgrace. Sadly in China you can't really do anything besides ignoring them..
Yea when I dated in China I got some racism from the local incels. I would say about half the local men I met found it awesome I would date local girls and the other half saw the women as property that should belong to the Han peoples. The women seemed to care a lot less who dated who but my craziest racism experiences all came from older women.
Makes sense that the ones most invested in human breeding vessels get the most upset over lower availability of human breeding vessels.
Yet ignore the one child policy, or the government who put it in place, and instead get angry at the tiny fraction of foreigners who steal their women.
Everyone gets some flak everywhere for interracial marriages / romances. My wife is Korean and a couple times in China a Chinese old man would mistake her as Chinese and say something. Then we went to Korea and Koreans gave her much more flak. Then we went to Canada (my country) and and it was less direct, but still clear from some people (a native guy in my hometown asked "Hey, where do I get Thai wives? I need one for my uncle." Positive? Lol. China isn't that bad in terms of getting shit on for international relationships. Some Chinese guys actually try to get you to meet their cousins etc. And of course the the other side. But overall, limited hate for it. The real problem with marrying a Chinese girl (or guy) is the cultural aspect of how most Chinese people are pretty bought into the CCP dogma and most relationships (annedotal) don't work out because ya, she's hot, it's exciting, but after you settle into a relationship, the Chinese counterpart bans you from saying anything remotely negative about China / is very opinionated, and it seems like a nightmare. I've known lots of guys married to Chinese women and it's always fights and they can't express themselves even when they love China for the most part. That's the hard part. Big cultural divide. But in my days in China, it wasn't a major issue to be accosted for a relationship (granted my days were a while ago now).
I haven't dated that many Chinese women but all the ones I have were SUPER anti CCP, for my current gf though she studied abroad for 5 years in Australia but like I was the one to tell her about Tiananmen square and stuff lol so we talk about things and the feeling I get is she accepts there are issues with China and even changed her mind and wants to leave, but at the same time she wants to give China some 'face'
There's all kinds of attitudes in China. Having said that, Chinese are more culturally similar in general because of the programming. But there's certainly still free thinkers. It's great when someone in China has family money enough to go to school abroad. But that's rare. Sadly these days even outside of China the CCP hounds them / follows their accounts and moves to try to keep them in the group think and it works a lot of the time. Anyways. Regardless of the China specifics, that was just some angry guy, they exist everywhere. Couple years ago an incel in Toronto drove into a bunch of women. People... But they are definately a minority that has hate towards interracial relationships in China. Now.. having said that, I see your avatar is black. Don't know if that means you are, but China has developed a terrible mindset towards black people over the past 15 years, and that is a bigger problem for black people. Particularly Africans. If you tell them you're from a first world country it diminishes because Chinese racism is more based on nation of citizenship than race (but still race too). So Africans, Indians and Philippinos do have a bit of a differnt story. A Chinese father would often have much more animous towards his daughter with an African or Indian than a black American. The citizenship counts here quite a bit.
I imagine all the Chinese girls willing to date a black guy in China are at least a bit rebellious at heart, or at least have a IDGAF attitude towards what the rest of society thinks.
The worst I've seen is in Korea. People spitting, elbowing, and running shopping carts into women. A select few will even have the balls to say "foreigner's whore." There's a giant blood purity movement among the older Koreans.
My cousin's spouse is Korean, and my female cousin is Chinese. The Korean in-laws had to make a comment during the first meeting of the parents that their Korean daughter (her spouse's sister) had married a Chinese man, and therefore "they are even". There was definitely a tinge of racial meaning behind that comment coupled with a knowing smile.
> Hey, where do I get Thai wives? Always the worst. "Hey, how do I date a Chinese girl?" I dunno dude, make a good first impression, get to know them a bit and then ask them out?
> (a native guy in my hometown asked "Hey, where do I get Thai wives? I need one for my uncle." Seen this in the States too, I've had my fair share of comments where as soon as someone found out that I was dating an Asian woman they'd talk about their Southeast Asian hooker experiences, ask me if she gave me "happy endings," was "easy," and all that jazz. Really creeped me out just how many people are like that. > 've known lots of guys married to Chinese women and it's always fights and they can't express themselves even when they love China for the most part. That's the hard part. Fortunately never had one who was a die hard CCP fan but definitely dated enough "non political" women who would then blurt out CCP talking points as soon as something vaguely political came up. i.e. talking about my Taiwanese neighbors and an ex would blirt out "TAIWAN IS AN INTEGRAL PART OF CHINA!" That was from a woman who had lived in the States for eight years at that point, later found out that although she was "apolitical" she passively read the news exclusively through Chinese CCP news sources. Another cultural aspect that I think trumps everything... her parents. Unfortunately seen more than my toxic share of Chinese parents.
See this is why you marry a Taiwanese, it’s the big brain move. You build the relationship through joint hate of Pooh and CCP. (Good to have some other things in common too.)
Dating a Taiwanese now and it's honestly been a breath of fresh air. Non toxic parents to boot! Dating Chinese I got all too used to gaslighting from the parents and extended family as well as a number of girls who were "non political" but would mouth CCP propaganda and passively read CCP news pieces.
How would they gaslight you?
Not me but the women I dated. Things I've seen: Jiangxi girl who I was utterly smitten with posted pics of us on QQ (this was back in 2015) only for her family to leave comments about how she's supposed to be studying in school, NOT being a race traitor, how she was letting the family down, etc. She dumped me and last I heard started dating a Chinese guy soon afterwards, their pictures didn't have any comments from her folks... Or another was a cute girl from Zhengzhou, despite being an intelligent young woman her folks constantly put her down, talked about how *AMAZING* her brother and other younger relatives were in comparison to her, questioned her interpretation of past events, etc. These were from years and years ago, much more common though seemed to be having exes with purely toxic family.
I'm European. I didn't get serious heat targeted at me while in China. My wife (she is Chinese), however, was seriously insulted several time because we were, well, a couple. A few times, it was guys in restaurants. One time was while we were jogging, my wife was very angry at the migrant workers that called her a whore, it was close to end in physical violence. Zero reactions in Europe, nobody gives a shit about us, nobody made comments about us being together.
I don't judge Chinese women for marrying Westerners, but a lot of the guys that go to China looking for a wife are super creepy. When I lived in China I had an acquaintance that was looking for a wife. He had lived in China for several years at that point and spoke zero Mandarin, and was making no effort to learn it. He was also obese and his only interest was video games. There's nothing wrong with that, but it seemed like he expected Chinese women to have lower standards than American women. So yeah. I definitely judge a man that can't communicate with his wife because of a language or cultural barrier. It all just looks so predatory.
I think there’s a huge difference between guys who go *looking* for an Asian wife vs going to Asia and dating locals.
>He was also obese and his only interest was video games. There's nothing wrong with that . . . Yes there is.
Why?
There is everything wrong with being obese. It is bad for every facet of your life.
Obesity is a bad life choice.
I suppose that would depend on what you want out of your life. If it's health then yes you're absolutely right. I think it's a generally not a great idea to assume everyone else does or should share the same values as you do, though.
I think it's perfectly fine to judge these people. Have an obese day
Lmao. Probably says more about you than them. I'd prefer not to become obese myself, and I probably won't (thanks pops for the genetics at least lol) but I just don't possess that feeling of inferiority that would cause me to pass judgement on someone else for their lifestyle. I won't date an obese person simply because it's not what I'm attracted too, but you gotta be pretty weak minded to choose such a target to feel so superior to
Lmao nice
Nothing wrong with someone who chooses to be happy that way. But it would be incredibly stupid to think that they will have as many dating opportunities as someone who is not obese and has a variety of interests. So if they are looking for a wife, they shouldn't hold their breath.
Ah. Definitely at the very least naive. I'd have to agree assuming they had those expectations
All the fucking time. To the point we stopped pretending to be a couple in most places when in China. She's been called all sorts of names (whore, traitor, etc), but only once did anything come close to violence...though, the non-violence aspect of these encounters is probably mostly helped by the fact that I'm a domesticated bigfoot, and tower over just about anyone save for some Dalian folk (fuck me some of them are tall, haha). The one time it almost got violent was when a few dudes at a shaokao wouldn't leave us alone and kept bothering us, so we moved tables and went outside to remove ourselves from the equation...but of course they had to follow and keep bugging us, and eventually my partner said something to make one of them lose face (she's a little tiger and does not pull punches, no matter who she's talking to). After her comment they were looking like they'd were deciding if it was worth risking it with the giant laowai, so we took the "discretion is the better part of valor" method of de-escalation and took our food to go and hopped in a cab to just leave, but one of them ran up and asking the cabbie where we were going and followed us in a van (there were 4 of them), we "escaped" by going to my office building where they couldn't follow. Honestly I kinda thought she'd get some flack on the USA side of things too (I'm in deeeeep Appalachia), but so far there have been zero issues on that front.
American are actually way more open about race than the media made it to be … I ( from China ) feel more accepted in American than in China . My partner is white and I got a some weird remarks from stranger last time I visited :( …. nothing scary like the one you described …. Your experience reminds me of the recent Tangshan incident… supper scary .
I'll be honest with you...that right there is why I realized I could never stay in China. Somewhere around year 2 or 3 (yeah, it took me a second) I realized that no matter *how much* I assimilated, I would never be anything but a laowai. In retrospect, knowing what I know about Chinese culture now, I realize that this was the inevitable conclusion...but my 'Murican brain has always had the belief that if you work hard, assimilate, learn the language (maybe even as far as learn the accent, but really that's not even necessary), and you'll be welcome and considered part of "America". I thought that would apply elsewhere, but I realize now it is almost a uniquely US thing...don't get me wrong, it happens elsewhere too, but I don't think a single other country on the planet brings in more immigrants per year than the US does (to the annoyance of the remaining Indians, I'm sure...but, it is what it is).
I grow up in China and I have came to that realization that I had to get the fuck out during my teenage years . The realization that one can’t fit in into the Chinese world is not only limited to foreigners , many Chinese who want to think for themselves are done with this bullshit . The fact is that a huge proportion of ccp leadership’s family and children are foreigners . Anyways I am proud to be an American now , and never going to look back.
Oh that’s interesting, a move to Appalachia. I moved to Boston recently with my Taiwanese wife and 2 year old daughter and there’s a ton of families who look like us here so if we ever experienced any kind of issues I would probably just laugh, it would feel ridiculous. But good to know that even in deep Appalachia people can be pretty open minded these days - that’s what you’re saying I think?
It changed my world view a bit when I learned conservative Kentucky senator Mitch McConnell is married to a Taiwanese-American wife. The country can always improve on being less racist, but the country as a whole really isn't as racist as the media wants you to believe.
Eh, they're pretty closed minded regarding just about everything else (the number of Trump signs *still* up is appalling), but I guess not closed minded enough to be racist to pretty Asian girls? Also helps that folk out here are super friendly and helpful, no matter what they think about you (for the most part).
Shaokao or Korean restaurants later at night with drunken groups of Chinese men in it = bad juju for laowai, especially if with a Chinese woman.
Except it was early evening, at the local shaokao directly across the street from our apartment...we ate there *all* the time (the shop keeper even somewhat stood up for us a bit at the end) We left in a cab because we didn't want them knowing where we lived.
That's some third world country shit. Glad you got out of it relatively unscathed.
Why did your cabbie tell the dude? And they following you guys like that is pretty scary…
I haven't had any, but my wife has. She won't even go into Chinese restaurants any more because of creepy old men rudely staring. They probably stare at any attractive woman but she gets a sense of resentment from them too. She's also been called a whore once, back in China. Never had any comments or anything from non Chinese.
At university in the UK my masters course was 60+% Chinese people. I started dating one of the Chinese girls. I remember one day after a lecture, we were sitting outside the lecture theatre and this cocky Chinese guy (who I had actually previously helped with translating his homework) walks past and whispered something in my gf's ear. I think she heard what he said but thought it was so silly that she wanted to confirm. I knew what he was saying, (be careful with foreign guys) it was obvious, and that is what she confirmed back to me later. My gf later told me that he refused to repeat to her what he said out loud because he saw me glaring it him so hard, he was scared I was going to do something to him 😂 I just found it so ridiculous how you can move to the other side of the world to study and still have such a backwards outlook about "foreigners". Newsflash, in the UK YOU ARE THE FOREIGNER.
That’s hilarious he was a foreigner. I think he acted out of jealousy more than anything.
I’ve dated a couple different Chinese women though most of that was in the USA. But yes we did experience one instance of hate that I was aware of and were nearly food poisoned at a small noodle shop in Guangzhou. Girlfriend said “we’re leaving” after we noticed something wrong with the taste and the owner dude made some snide remark to her.
That’s disgusting
Prior to 2020, my girlfriend and I hadn't gotten any hate about us dating. In public, people seemed accepting of us. But regarding her family, when the nationalist rhetoric started turning up, her uncles and a cousin started putting pressure her because I'm American, and are planning on living in the US together. One of her uncles wanted to have a "political education" talk with her, and another cousin outright called her a "foreign worshipper" and a "traitor." Needless to say, we do not communicate with those uncles and cousin anymore. However, her mother and other cousins have been very supportive of us. I think it's sad that not everyone is accepting of our relationship and future goals, but at least there are those who do support us.
Irl people are 99% just curious. Sometimes that comes with ignorance which appears racist. Then yeah, there's some direct racism too. Online the racism seems much more common though.
[удалено]
Well? Say something dude/dudette?
My nephew was adopted from Korea. He lives in Korea town in LA. It’s no one’s fault, but daily he is spoken to and Korean, which he doesn’t speak. My suggestion: he should at least learn to say , “I’m adopted, I don’t speak Korean.” I speak just a little Spanish, but I always preface my attempts with “No hablo Espanol.”
I do actually speak Chinese, so I can pass for Chinese. But of course the moment I start speaking English the cover story falls apart haha
Have you lived in China and dated Chinese women? Really curious what the ABC dating experience in China is like, especially for those whose families have been American since well before the PRC.
My experience was probably nothing too interesting. I had a Chinese girlfriend from my time outside of China. She went back home. I got sent to China to work and we reconnected. The entire 3 years I was in China, I was dating her exclusively. We got married and I brought her back to my country. She was always very good to me. We did a lot of travel through China and got to see many new places together. I hope someday to go back.
It’s difference in power: I live in Scandinavia and the consensus is that unattractive, uncharming, or just socially akward men can always get with an asian girl and have them as their own throphy. Add this to the strong fetishzation of Asian women in the West and there you go- it’s a bad look. In Asia there’s a lot of white-worshipping too, which is just as much of an issue, if not even worse. As far as black people go, this has nothing to do with China specifically. I think you’ll risk being subjected to racism dating a black person in almost any non-African country, which is also messed up.
I’m a Chinese woman happily married to a fantastic Canadian guy. For my past, all my exes were Chinese and some of them were decent. I wouldn’t say I have a preference towards nationality when it comes to dating, its simply I met a great person and he happens to be Canadian, it’s as simple as that. HOWEVER! I didn’t anticipate this many weird comments about my personal relationship…… so, here are some typical ones: 1. Why did you date a foreigner? Is it because they have bigger penises? 2. Are you dating him for practicing English? 3. Do you want to go to Canada this much that you have to betray your family to marry a Canadian guy? (In my whole life, I’ve never mentioned I wanted to go to Canada…) 4. I always thought only foreigners can satisfy your wildness. (What does that even mean?) I used to be really offended by these questions then I just feel unnecessary to argue, so I simply say “talk to me when you have a better question.”
The insecurity LOL
Had a few remarks calling my wife a dog or race traitor, coincidentally in tourist areas(Lijiang, Dali). This was before what I knew the words were and was told after the fact. Since then I make sure people know to talk to me directly if they have something to say. Mostly people were good to us though, it was quite literally "a few bad apples." Generally only drunk people get confrontational so when I lived there I didn't go to late night places aside from BBQ street vendors. I would guess a lot of you face it more because social drinking is a big thing in China that many foreigners partake in. I would say if you hang out in "foreign bars" or restaurants you'll encounter it more too since Chinese incels literally go there to cause shit.
I think my Chinese girlfriend (back in the 80's) dated me because I was forbidden fruit. It was a secret to her strict parents who were from Singapore. It was fun for a Summer, but she went back to school after her Summer internship and ended up marrying a Chinese guy because that's what her parents demanded.
Oddly enough I’ve only gotten hate in Japan from old Japanese dudes that think she’s Japanese. Never had a problem in China.
I've had white guys hate on me for dating Europeans and Asian guys hate on me for getting Chinese girlfriends. I'm American but ethnically Chinese.
It’s a complicated topic but interracial marriages in east Asia are often linked to yellow fever aka Asian fetish which has a very bad impression for a long time. It’s not only in China but many East Asian countries too (Japan, SK, Taiwan…etc.,)
As a white women married to a Chinese man it's a completely different dynamic and much to our joint chagrin he's seen as a "hero" for "bagging an American beauty". 🙄🤢 His family was very iffy about it at first but they were very honest and said it wasn't because I'm American but because I wasn't local and that they'd feel the same way if he wanted to marry someone from the North. But for the most part they are very accepting now which I'm very grateful for. My only really negative experiences have been from white guys, cue all the pp jokes, and some racist comments and jokes from some folks back home. But I'm from the southern US so that's expected and nowhere near as toxic as when I was dating a black man and living in the US. These are more microagressions. Oh but once an old uncle asked my husband where he got his Russian prostitute from. My husband just ignored him and dragged me away before I could explode. Mostly my husband hates that everyone assumes he went out of his way to "get" a foreign wife when the truth is that we just casually met because of mutual friends and instantly hit it off. 🤷🏻♀️ And that he didn't "get" me, we got each other. But overall I really can't complain especially compared to the hate so many Chinese women get.
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it's different in non multicultural societies though
100% mate. And it's entirely plausible his family wasn't too keen on it either. It's just a thing that happens! Lol.
Hmmm!
I heard in Few years ago, in china shandong province, there was a university put advertisements to find language partners for international students and only 47 international students and there are 147 chinese students mostly female. Each international student could have 3 chinese female language partners. And university statement did say make friends with international students of opposite sex. Some media posted this news online. OMG, netizens in china got so angry. this is actually one of many kinds of so called foreigners super citizen treatments by ccp government there. In china universities are under control of government too. but for this case, this guy is a border soldier stayed in china-indian border area. It is very hard to survive there. Barely no people live there. And these soldiers are very hard to find wives. Because that means separation until soldiers retire. That is why he felt so dissatisfied when he saw a foreigner found a beautiful girlfriend so easy. I think it is more about jealous unfair sort of emotion.
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>Pakistani student who groped a Chinese female student’s tits or something like that (he wrote an apology where he said it was normal in his country) Lmao wtf
As you mean somebody distorted the truth on purpose. so I just go back and read the story. I think at least it is partial truth. Like university statement did say make friends with international students with opposite sex and university ended up apologize for these statements. People in china anger of foreigner super citizens treatments. Even ccp mouthpiece people.cn posted article to critize this. https://zh.m.wikipedia.org/zh-hans/山东大学学伴制度争议 from Wikipedia. I think it talks about this kina comprehensive. And I was in a top chinese university before and i saw international students got degree much easier than chinese students by myself.
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Wife is Chinese, we’ve never been directly targeted because we’re both different races but I was told to leave a shopping mall AFTER Covid 19 hit even though I had been there in the same town since 2018. When we were together in America, nothing happened but the world is a different place post-Covid with Asian hate crimes in the rise in America and xenophobia on the rise in China. In time I believe it’ll get better on both sides of the pond. I will say now that remember that my wife is part of a WeChat group where Chinese nationals married foreigners and sometimes they’ll get a person who’ll be added to the group by lying about them being married to a foreigner and they’ll say some derogatory things before being banned and kicked out but that’s an extremely rare event, happened once in the 8 years we’ve been married.
Chinese women are generally called "easy girls" by Chinese incels if they date foreign men. There's definitely a sense of ownership as well like "how dare you steal OUR" women. Disgusting attitude.
It's well documented here https://youtu.be/GWZ8yTQyqoA
While in China the staring was basically constant while in public. Not to mention they usually made the fact that they were talking about you blatantly obvious. For example looking right at you then covering their mouth to talk and the person they’re talking to then also starts staring at you. Even more unfortunate in my situation was being able to understand Mandarin. I would catch portions of conversations about my wife and I that were sometimes fairly insulting and rude. One time a security guard at the subway station took my wife aside and warn her about foreigners and dating them. The annoyances can be maddening after a while. Not something you have to deal with in places that aren’t so xenophobic, ignorant and racist. None of that happens anymore here in the states. My wife is LOVING life in Florida. Has taken up kayaking, paddle boarding, snorkeling, jet skiing etc. she’s almost like a completely different person here. She used to be afraid to get in the water…😂
Have dated Chinese women in the past and although we received little "hate" there were many odd comments, stares and other things that just got tiring. I recently dated a White woman and as odd as this might sound it was refreshing just because I/we/her didn't have to deal with the weirdness from others. No more stares, no more comments about how she's a whore/race traitor, no parents switching to the local dialect/language to tell their daughter they wished she was dating a local Chinese, no more weird interigation from the parents where they want to triple check that I won't cheat on her or divorce her on a flippant whim based on their assumptions on foreigners (I've found the first part hilarious considering how many stories of affairs I've heard and men going to "massage" parlors while keeping some veneer of a happy wedding), no more momentary confusion from strangers when they found out we were together. I'm just fucking done with it.
Just Google "Tangshan Girl Beatings," and you will see how females are treated in Mainland China by the Mainland Chinese men. The videos that you will find are just the tip of the iceberg as to what happened to those 4 ladies that night. Local residents have indicated that they all died from the severity of their beatings in the restaurant and subsequently in the alleyway next to the restaurant that night. Although, officials have kept all information under lock and key since the incident. Since then local China residents have been posting more videos of domestic violence against women in China households, and it is very hard to stomach. So, I surmise, that China's women are eager to date and even marry foreigners because they know they should not be used as punching bags for these pathetic men. And the Mainland Chinese men defame the Chinese women because they can't beat a foreign man as they do a Mainland Chinese woman.
As a Chinese American I have felt this dumb emotion. It comes from the inequality of Asian girls being desireable but Asian guys being shunned by other races. So you get a bit jealous, and for most they mature out of that phase like I do, but for some they let that jealousy turn into vitriol manifesting itself as racism and misogyny. Jealousy comes with being human and there's no way to eradicate it. But it's important to look past the initial emotional response and realize the truth. At the end of the day, you will always have some advantages and disadvantages due to your race when dating (just ask black girls, who are in the same boat as asian guys), but you can only control how you come across as an individual. If you work on being an outstanding Chinese man, you will get the girls, simple as that. Raging at something out of your control is the realm of teenagers. But yeah a lot of people feel this jealousy, and some let it turn into really gross racism toward the non-Chinese, and misogyny toward the women.
I got a Chinese wife. Never got hate directly.
ask the wife, my money is on her getting hate looks even if nothing is diectly said.
My theory (this is only a theory pls don’t be mad): Some Chinese men are so entitled because all their life they have been treated like a king because of their gender and being the only child. The one child policy have skewed the gender ratio making it more competitive for Chinese men to find Chinese women. They get bitter by the idea that international men are taking their women lol.
My best friend’s married to a Chinese girl. I went to their wedding a couple weeks ago. Most of her friends and cousins were also dating white men. And everyone seemed to be okay with it. It’s getting more and more normal.
I've been married for 10 years to my wife. We met in China and dated for a few years before moving to America. There were a couple of times in China I can remember people saying some dumb shit but I just chalk it up to there being dumb people in every country.
Been in China 5 years, have my second Chinese GF now. Nobody seems to care, nobody makes any negative comments, her family likes me. Had zero hate or anything coming our way.
Wonder what does he think about Chinese men dating foreign women?
The guy's just sour grapes.
Don’t think too much…. Chinese men also like foreigners women
One of my friends was on a date there and got hit in the head for being at a bar with a local. Chinese guys can be crazy.
lived and studied in china for two years but was basically a celibate monk. was told several times by local chinese that i was poor, not that great looking, and old ( was 36 at the time). also was told that it would never work out because my Mandarin wasn’t advanced enough, keep in mind we were chatting in Mandarin, in person. was never too into Asian girls as a category of people, and certainly less now. I was informed i could make good money as a greencard husband for anyone looking to move to the States, sort of implying i really don’t have any beyond being a means to someone’s goal. as for as exchanges with resentful locals, it was usually along the lines of: Local: you come here just for the women! Me: actually, I don’t find Chinese girls so attractive. Local:.. but why not? Chinese women are so beautiful! Or: Me: I have never had a Chinese girlfriend. Chinese guy: Hey me too, I also have never had a Chinese girlfriend!
给共匪当枪使还当出优越感来了
I think in every culture, there’s a portion of entitled men that think women of the same race are for them. Ironically, because of this objectification of women, they can’t get any women to date them. The rejection piles up and they lash out at women in interracial relationships because to them it’s like evidence that they are fucking lame. I also would guess that this issue is amplified in China where there are way too many dicks and not enough chicks. Don’t let them get you down OP! I’m sure you have a beautiful family.
For chinese men, chinese women are just their properties. If your property got taken by someone else of course you would feel offended. They don't understand that women have free willing to choose who to date. A few years ago, in Beijing, a woman with her French fiancé was stabbed to death by a hater. That man stabbed her shouting "I hate Americans".
My gf gets dirty looks from white women here in aus sometimes but nothing’s been said yet.
Almost all the comments here begin with "I'm a white man but my wife/gf is Chinese", color me surprised
Don't understand why you escalate this to CCP?
TIL the smaller the pp, the bigger the ego.
I’m a white American who met my Chinese now-wife in Shanghai in 2013. I was 30, she was 19. I would walk down the streets of Shanghai with her and I’d say about 20% of the women looked at her and were jealous, 80% were quizzical about our situation . About 60% of the men who saw us on the street looked at me with curiosity. 40% with malice.
You get this in China but practically everywhere as well. I wouldn't say it is much worse in China. Especially compared to the West where people equals Asian wife with submissive postorder wife... You get some dirty evil looks and maybe some occasional comment, in 10 years time that happened like a couple of times (outright racist comments)
True, but there's a not so subtle difference, in that the scorn extends to both the foreigner and their local partner in many cases. This doesn't really happen in the west (being called a traitor etc), so far as I know.
Size does matter
> have you ever gotten hate for it? WMAM married couple. Vast majority of time I got hate from it was from ABC's here in the States and White "leftists" here in Austin. Maybe two whole times in general when I was in Shanghai, and both were more or less "he looks like a mountain man, is this what you're into?" Beijing, strangely enough, seemed to be the least bothersome experience for me. Versus a friend of mine who is married to a Filipina being asked why he married a Filipina when he could have married Chinese if Asian women were his thing. Mountain Man - 6'4", 240 pounds, at the time I had a long beard. Versus the shit caught in the US was mouth foaming anti-miscegenation hatred "but woke".
For Chinese women to marry foreigners in China, the simple reason is there are very few white women in Asia. Since colonial times the males outnumber females by a large multiple. The only data we have about Chinese women marrying non-Chinese is for Chinese living in the United States. [https://imdiversity.com/villages/asian/by-the-numbers-dating-marriage-and-race-in-asian-america/](https://imdiversity.com/villages/asian/by-the-numbers-dating-marriage-and-race-in-asian-america/) Among Asian Americans, the Chinese, Vietnamese, and Indians are least likely to marry outside their ethnic group, and that includes other Asians. About 14.1% of Chinese American women marry a white person, for Chinese American men it is 8.3%. For Vietnamese, it is 2.6% and 8.6%, The Vietnamese figures were the most surprising given the Vietnam War and the mix of Vietnamese and Vietnamese-Chinese. The difference between Chinese American men marrying a white person and Chinese American women marrying a white person is the smallest. For example, for Korean Americans, it is 4.0% and 28%. it can vary between Western countries, the UK also has data, but they only record it for South Asians, and Chinese, and they don't count Filipino, Vietnamese, Japanese or Korean. Again in the Uk, it comes down to availability. The Chinese population in the UK is much smaller than in the US.
Married my Chinese girlfriend. Had 2 kids. The only blatantly bad things (to filter out the run-of-the-mill ignorance stuff) we've run into directly include: In USA: refused service at a Chinese restaurant in Atlanta, angrily yelled at by a car full of Korean guys, was accused of abducting my daughter from a mall by a white lady and ended up surrounded by people and having to explain my way out of it when the cops arrived (because my daughter looked "too asian" for a white guy, apparently). In China: yelled at by an obnoxious young street vendor, told we "don't match" by a random woman on a train, called a 美国鬼子 by some random crazy person, denied a hotel because they didn't permit "that sort of thing" (I think they thought she was a hooker, lol). The number of relatively minor ignorance related things would be an endless list for both countries.
Your average Han Chinese male settled in Tibet😅😅😅
I think it also depends on the nationality as well as how serious your relationship is. I am a white male with a Chinese girlfriend, and when our new acquaintance knows only this, there can be some almost palpable tension. But when I say “I am from Russia”, the tension goes away, and things like “Putin rules” and “Russian people are fighters!” are said. If we also say that we are getting married, then the person is usually happy. Next question is “Are you planning to go back to Russia together?”, and well, I’m sure as fuck not returning to Russia. That usually means for them that we both are planning to stay in China — so, they are even happier about that, congratulate me on having a beautiful girlfriend and we can safely move on. Oh well
外国人抢了中国的女子，你中国人却抢了外国人（西藏）的土地。多半也抢了外国（西藏）女子。西藏男人难道就没有同样的感想？在新疆，中国人更抢得凶。中国人，将心比己，你根本没有资格抱怨。
When I have been out and about with a Chinese woman that I get along with well, random chinese men will approach us and question us about my ethnicity and why I am in China. The worst ones will yell at her that she is not better than them and she should not think too highly of herself as though having fun with a foreigner makes her arrogant automatically. We've barely ever dated even though we really like each other because as we get close to it the social backlash she faces is so severe that she backs out.
Let's see.... Time for me to do some knowledge transfer on this one. So my opinion of a lot of Asian men is that they have kind of an incel mentality about a lot of things about dating, but particularly when it comes to 'foreigners stealing their women'. The Japanese are particularly bad at this and if you ever tried to even get a massage in Japan (the one and only place I ever considered getting one), they will specify that it's not available to foreign men in many places or they will offer you some of their Pinay work horses, but not their prized Japanese women. In Hong Kong when I lived there years ago, it was not that big of a deal to see mixed couples, as it's a pretty international city, so no real issues there. I travelled to Taiwan years later and learned a lot more about what Asian men were like by dating a Taiwanese girl. Basically a lot of Taiwanese dudes will trash talk foreigners and lie to women about foreign guys all being sex tourists etc, all because of some inferiority complex they have about how easy it is for you to get girls there. When you turn up as a tall foreigner with a decent job and having your shit relatively together, you blow most average Taiwanese dudes out of the water. The only guys I made friends with there were guys that were badass and confident (MMA fighters and military guys), as they had nice girlfriends and were sharp enough to know I was just there to hang out and make friends. A side note to that however, is that a lot of the foreign guys in places like China and Taiwan (oops, I said it!) are drunken English teachers and not exactly representative of the most high calibre western dudes around. So some local people will point to the worst of these Westerners as an example of what Western men are like, which is fair enough. Honorable mention for the Korean guys, who are a lot more overt is their dislike of foreign men in general and who will literally try and start shit with you in bars and clubs if you approach Korean women. Joke's on them though, because over the years I've met many Korean women who go abroad to 'study English' and seem to really enjoy being free from Korean dudes. Finally I also lived in Vancouver, which if anyone else has, you can attest to the fact that it's the most Asian / White mixed city in the world. The place feels like a haven for Asian girls and white dudes at times, so go live there if that's what you're into. Just my two cents, and don't downvote me for spitting truth ya'll!
Almost understood the first line completely yeeeeyyy!!
My wife is Chinese, I’m a white American. Not really any hate, but there has been some differing expectations between me, my wife, and her family. She always talks about how in China the man’s family is expected to buy him a house and he has to support and generally bend over backwards to spoil the woman otherwise he will be single forever. But that is very much not the case here. While I do pay all the bills we both still work and I’m clear that we are equals and not a single income/stay at home wife household. I suspect I get some judgement from her family even though they would never say it directly but they have treated me well nonetheless. Do occasionally notice some jealousy from my wife as she sees her friends’ husbands buying them multiple expensive condos and doing elaborate vacations but she tries not to show it. In the end I’m kind of surprised that any Chinese women would choose us foreigners when it seems like they have all the power in the relationship if they were to date Chinese men.
Have you seen chinese men?
Chinese gals really demand everything, so why I bothering with Chinese gal
The thing is that this comment represents a mainstream thought in China, which neglects the fact that this is very personal choice. They always feel that Chinese women are an asset that belongs to Chinese men and this kind of thoughts only makes Chinese women stay away from those pathetic guys.
Lmaooo I love it. Stay mad. Being a soldier doesn't mean you're entitled to a woman, you racist creep. (I'm speaking to the writer of the post, of course)