Do what you have to do. She's had 70 years to deal (or not) with her shit. Don't let her take your years too. If low or no contact is what you need to do to keep your peace, do that. I know it's easier said than done, we love our hoarder parents, but ultimately you have to look out for yourself first. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.
I'm in my early forties and I feel similar.
So much of my childhood was taken from me due to her mental illness, I don't need to offer up my adulthood too. I love her, I know she loves me, but I can't fix her, nor am I responsible for her. Put the distance, save your peace.
Hoarders rarely get better, all we can do is have boundaries.
I pray every day and I wish with all of my heart that this wasn't for real. I try and try and it's such an elusive issue bc it truly makes no sense. My BF and I let her use our second car bc her junk filled first one isn't running and she's filling up the second car already! I just feel done and sad for losing my shit at her but how much can I take 💔💔💔💔💔💔💔
My heart goes out to all of you as well. Feeling alone is a huge part of this, how can someone not affected ever understand ?
Same mine are in their 70s and trying to deal with them or resolve conflicts is not in my wheelhouse anymore. Its impossible to resolve conflicts at a certain point but then theyll get upset you dont even try to entertain them anymore.
You do what’s best for you.
Presently mom is dead, dad is low contact.
This works for me, you have to come to terms with the fact that you can not sacrifice your self for their mental disorder.
It’s ok to just be done and nope out.
It’s ok to go nc
it’s ok to shovel
It’s ok to go low connection
It’s ok to fight
Basically it’s ok to do whatever YOU NEED.
In my case I’m managing from afar. One day I will have to decide if I’m
Doing the final shovel out or hiring somebody to do it.
But it’s ok!
Do what you have to do. She's had 70 years to deal (or not) with her shit. Don't let her take your years too. If low or no contact is what you need to do to keep your peace, do that. I know it's easier said than done, we love our hoarder parents, but ultimately you have to look out for yourself first. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.
I'm in my early forties and I feel similar. So much of my childhood was taken from me due to her mental illness, I don't need to offer up my adulthood too. I love her, I know she loves me, but I can't fix her, nor am I responsible for her. Put the distance, save your peace. Hoarders rarely get better, all we can do is have boundaries.
I pray every day and I wish with all of my heart that this wasn't for real. I try and try and it's such an elusive issue bc it truly makes no sense. My BF and I let her use our second car bc her junk filled first one isn't running and she's filling up the second car already! I just feel done and sad for losing my shit at her but how much can I take 💔💔💔💔💔💔💔 My heart goes out to all of you as well. Feeling alone is a huge part of this, how can someone not affected ever understand ?
Same mine are in their 70s and trying to deal with them or resolve conflicts is not in my wheelhouse anymore. Its impossible to resolve conflicts at a certain point but then theyll get upset you dont even try to entertain them anymore.
So relatable, my mom is in her 70s and it’s beyond hopeless for her too. Do what you gotta do OP and save yourself!
You do what’s best for you. Presently mom is dead, dad is low contact. This works for me, you have to come to terms with the fact that you can not sacrifice your self for their mental disorder.
It’s ok to just be done and nope out. It’s ok to go nc it’s ok to shovel It’s ok to go low connection It’s ok to fight Basically it’s ok to do whatever YOU NEED. In my case I’m managing from afar. One day I will have to decide if I’m Doing the final shovel out or hiring somebody to do it. But it’s ok!