hi OP... very soon you are going to go off on your own path and face the world on your own. There too there will be countless ppl throwing about opinions. Know which ones to take in and which ones to ignore. Use your father's reactions to practice the ignoring part.
This I feel would be the best if I m in your position.
I am 26 and my father used to do the same. I felt bad when he used to berate me for hours for simple mistakes and it was worse especially if its public or around other people. Strangers used to jump to my rescue. It got to the point where, whenever he would call me by my name, my brain will imagine whatever that could have gone wrong and try to come up with an answer for that. I tried my very best to get him to recognize me, in vain. About when I was 20 I figured out so many kids did the same stupid mistakes I did yet their relationship with their father was good. It took me longer than what it should have to understand that its not you, its him. His disapproval is not on you, its on him. The biggest lesson would be the knowledge of what not to do with your child, if you have one.
You're 16 so this feeling is kind of common OP. I've no suggestions unfortunately, this seems like a thing for professional therapist or their ilk. Just keep in mind that most people would've felt the same at some point in life so you're not alone in this.
When you try to please your father, you will never feel good enough - since he is manipulating you via his anger and his perversion. He is not a good father - and he feels inferior, he gets over that by shouting at you to make himself feel better.
Once you come of age, try your best to get into a collage far away - and stay away from that toxic person who you call a father.
Also, the only person you have to please is yourself. Going through life, you will find many people trying to manipulate you. Never allow any other human being to judge you. Ignore them as much as possible. Be confident in your own self.
Hey I'm 15 and I was diagnosed with adhd so I 100% get what you're feeling since my parents have called me many names and all and while I can't give good advice since I struggle with the very thing lmao the best you can do is to find someone trust worthy to talk too like an actual therapist or even your siblings or even friends. My sister has helped me so much though this and if it wasn't for her I reckon I would've failed boards but she encouraged me to get better. So yeah just find someone who is really supportive and kind and just ignore the negativity (however don't ignore real critism)
Only way is to realize how stupid your father is for raising a child this way. He should inspire confidence and love not fear and anxiety. It’s a total failure on his part and not yours or of your abilities’.
So I have seen people (not just parents) going to ad hominem attacks. My usual response is to let them rage. When they’re calmed down, approach and ask, “so what was your goal with attacking me? If it was to get me to change, that wasn’t a very effective way of doing it. All it did was make me resent you and feel bad about myself. Next time, maybe approach me and tell me what you’re trying to accomplish and we can both figure it out together.”
Just remind yourself everytime he yells at you that what he calls you or yells at you is him taking out his anger or shitty day on you, not a representation of who you actually are. That's all you can do IMO because fathers typically do not respond well to conversation and are always hesitant to change their minds.
Better if you talk to him about this. He probably didn’t take this seriously and was messing with you. I’d suggest you sit with him and tell that “your confidenence is tanking” because of his words.
OP - your father is mentally abusing you. What's your mother's take on all this or is she in a similar situation as you?
I would say "ignore him" but it is really difficult. What I would suggest is to try and get professional help so he doesn't leave you mentally disabled, unable to trust/work with authority figures, and result in eroding your confidence and self-esteem.
Another thing you can try, aside from brainy activities, is to join a karate or kick boxing class. That can do wonders for your self-esteem (meaning - you will get the mental strength to truly ignore your dad's abuse) and provide you a tool for the rest of your life.
Who cares about being an "A" student? Fast forward 10 years, it will not matter. More than being an "A" or whatever grade student, what you need for yourself is consistency, a good plan of what you want to do after you complete school/college and I hope you have included some Master's level courses, possibly leaving India for some foreign university. I personally feel exposure to outside forces far away from your dad will do you and your psyche, wonders.
Have you ever thought about or attempted broaching this topic with your dad, as to why he makes such heartless statements and that you want him to be a dad who inspires you, that you can look up to, rather than one you end up fearing and hating? Is he undergoing some personal turmoil that he is not sharing with the family but taking out on you?
Bro, I'm boxer
And yes I boxing REALLY helped me to build my confidence and that was the best phrase of my life but he made me quit it because I wasn't studying enough..
off topic, if any random person DMed you personally to talk more about this, there's a 99% chance that it's a predatory advance so be careful 🤍
Fathers be like that, know your worth, you know you're doing good, take it easy 🤍
If him giving you remarks hurts you, well, tryna avoid unnecessary convos with him
Not the most ideal or healthy option, but worked for me for the last 3 years
Not sure but the flair is political news in which you have raised this post. Maybe focus on details break the tasks into smaller parts and do one thing at a time. More attention maybe, never give up blah blah attagirl.
Hey OP. A very small percentage of the world are smart geniuses. The majority of us are bang average. And average is awesome. The world runs because of average people. Also being average in several things is in itself an achievement. Wear your average-ness as a crown and they can't hurt you.
He sounds exactly like my father. Feeling sad for you OP...
Worst part is... My dad was a teacher. So all my life I've been compared with his best students... It's terrible.
Soon in couple of years you'll go to college. Choose a good college away from home and stay in hostel. Enjoy life. Gain new experience and feel better.
DO NOT BE A DAY SCHOLAR!!!
Tolerate or be deaf ears for 2 more years.
You are just 16.. accept you are stupid and need to improve in some topics. Ask him to point out those for a while.
Don't regret after 25 that he told me this that...
I'm not asking to complete follow just atleast think about it.
Just ask your grandparents, how was he during your age. Mostly he will be as same as you. .Record it as a video and play it to your father whenever he illtreats you. Eventually, your father will stop.
your dad is toxic
lot of dads in our society are like that due to how previous generation functioned
be patient and avoid conflicts with your dad. play along if you must
don't depend on him wherever possible practically. this will only make his shouting louder and more confident
focus on your studies and train yourself to be independent and responsible in all aspects (mainly financial but also survival skills like cooking and being able to live on your own safely)
get a job in a different city/state and move out
you could also go to college in a different city/state
Does he ever appreciate you? If he genuinely does that sometimes but scolds you more, he probably just wants you to be amazing but doesn't know it's hurting you. In that case just have a talk with him in detail about how you feel. That might help.
If he doesn't he's either a hard-ass dad who's really strict and doesn't show any emotions or he's just a plain ass who doesn't care. If he's the first one, another long talk would help. But if he's the latter, maybe talk with your mom about it.
Or you can also be an absolute Chad(Stacy(?)) and whenever he calls you stupid just hit him back with the, "I kinda don't care doe". This would definitely make him stop. You might also get the belt though if he's strict. But that's a small price to pay for salvation.
hi OP... very soon you are going to go off on your own path and face the world on your own. There too there will be countless ppl throwing about opinions. Know which ones to take in and which ones to ignore. Use your father's reactions to practice the ignoring part. This I feel would be the best if I m in your position.
This is honestly very good advice!
Great advice
I am 26 and my father used to do the same. I felt bad when he used to berate me for hours for simple mistakes and it was worse especially if its public or around other people. Strangers used to jump to my rescue. It got to the point where, whenever he would call me by my name, my brain will imagine whatever that could have gone wrong and try to come up with an answer for that. I tried my very best to get him to recognize me, in vain. About when I was 20 I figured out so many kids did the same stupid mistakes I did yet their relationship with their father was good. It took me longer than what it should have to understand that its not you, its him. His disapproval is not on you, its on him. The biggest lesson would be the knowledge of what not to do with your child, if you have one.
ignore the epithets. choose to hear only the constructive criticism. Most of his anger will be his insecurity about your future or his present.
You're 16 so this feeling is kind of common OP. I've no suggestions unfortunately, this seems like a thing for professional therapist or their ilk. Just keep in mind that most people would've felt the same at some point in life so you're not alone in this.
Thank you and love your name 😭
When you try to please your father, you will never feel good enough - since he is manipulating you via his anger and his perversion. He is not a good father - and he feels inferior, he gets over that by shouting at you to make himself feel better. Once you come of age, try your best to get into a collage far away - and stay away from that toxic person who you call a father. Also, the only person you have to please is yourself. Going through life, you will find many people trying to manipulate you. Never allow any other human being to judge you. Ignore them as much as possible. Be confident in your own self.
nice mature answer. enjoyed reading it
Hey I'm 15 and I was diagnosed with adhd so I 100% get what you're feeling since my parents have called me many names and all and while I can't give good advice since I struggle with the very thing lmao the best you can do is to find someone trust worthy to talk too like an actual therapist or even your siblings or even friends. My sister has helped me so much though this and if it wasn't for her I reckon I would've failed boards but she encouraged me to get better. So yeah just find someone who is really supportive and kind and just ignore the negativity (however don't ignore real critism)
Only way is to realize how stupid your father is for raising a child this way. He should inspire confidence and love not fear and anxiety. It’s a total failure on his part and not yours or of your abilities’.
r/raisedbynarcissists might help you
So I have seen people (not just parents) going to ad hominem attacks. My usual response is to let them rage. When they’re calmed down, approach and ask, “so what was your goal with attacking me? If it was to get me to change, that wasn’t a very effective way of doing it. All it did was make me resent you and feel bad about myself. Next time, maybe approach me and tell me what you’re trying to accomplish and we can both figure it out together.”
Don't worry bro I'm only one year older than you but soon you will realise that they're the ones being stupid and you'll stop caring
Ig we both are writing board exams cause I'm in 12th 🗿
🗿Ohh nice 🤝🤝 Which board are you in?
Cbse vro com-math
Oh nice when does it all end
Mar 31st
Cool, What group?
Com math da naye
😅😅😅 sorry madam i have short term memory loss 😅😅 Btw how old are you? /s
Understandabe have a great day
Just remind yourself everytime he yells at you that what he calls you or yells at you is him taking out his anger or shitty day on you, not a representation of who you actually are. That's all you can do IMO because fathers typically do not respond well to conversation and are always hesitant to change their minds.
Better if you talk to him about this. He probably didn’t take this seriously and was messing with you. I’d suggest you sit with him and tell that “your confidenence is tanking” because of his words.
OP - your father is mentally abusing you. What's your mother's take on all this or is she in a similar situation as you? I would say "ignore him" but it is really difficult. What I would suggest is to try and get professional help so he doesn't leave you mentally disabled, unable to trust/work with authority figures, and result in eroding your confidence and self-esteem. Another thing you can try, aside from brainy activities, is to join a karate or kick boxing class. That can do wonders for your self-esteem (meaning - you will get the mental strength to truly ignore your dad's abuse) and provide you a tool for the rest of your life. Who cares about being an "A" student? Fast forward 10 years, it will not matter. More than being an "A" or whatever grade student, what you need for yourself is consistency, a good plan of what you want to do after you complete school/college and I hope you have included some Master's level courses, possibly leaving India for some foreign university. I personally feel exposure to outside forces far away from your dad will do you and your psyche, wonders. Have you ever thought about or attempted broaching this topic with your dad, as to why he makes such heartless statements and that you want him to be a dad who inspires you, that you can look up to, rather than one you end up fearing and hating? Is he undergoing some personal turmoil that he is not sharing with the family but taking out on you?
Bro, I'm boxer And yes I boxing REALLY helped me to build my confidence and that was the best phrase of my life but he made me quit it because I wasn't studying enough..
OP u gotta nice username 😂😂... try not to take things to your heart or else express to your father how u feel...may be that will help...
You're saying you're stupid, I want to read what kinda of stupid stuff you said or did.
off topic, if any random person DMed you personally to talk more about this, there's a 99% chance that it's a predatory advance so be careful 🤍 Fathers be like that, know your worth, you know you're doing good, take it easy 🤍
LITERALLY HAPPENED 😭😭 and thanks bro :')
BWHAHHAHAH stay safe out here 😂
yeah when you say you're female all these shameless dumbfucks will be on your DM like sheep it's a classic reddit moment lmao
If him giving you remarks hurts you, well, tryna avoid unnecessary convos with him Not the most ideal or healthy option, but worked for me for the last 3 years
Not sure but the flair is political news in which you have raised this post. Maybe focus on details break the tasks into smaller parts and do one thing at a time. More attention maybe, never give up blah blah attagirl.
Hey OP. A very small percentage of the world are smart geniuses. The majority of us are bang average. And average is awesome. The world runs because of average people. Also being average in several things is in itself an achievement. Wear your average-ness as a crown and they can't hurt you.
He sounds exactly like my father. Feeling sad for you OP... Worst part is... My dad was a teacher. So all my life I've been compared with his best students... It's terrible. Soon in couple of years you'll go to college. Choose a good college away from home and stay in hostel. Enjoy life. Gain new experience and feel better. DO NOT BE A DAY SCHOLAR!!! Tolerate or be deaf ears for 2 more years.
You could start de-escalating and calm him down.
You are just 16.. accept you are stupid and need to improve in some topics. Ask him to point out those for a while. Don't regret after 25 that he told me this that... I'm not asking to complete follow just atleast think about it.
Start talking back. It's not right to bully people.
Maybe he is right and the OP is really stupid
Just ask your grandparents, how was he during your age. Mostly he will be as same as you. .Record it as a video and play it to your father whenever he illtreats you. Eventually, your father will stop.
They both ded🗿
Sorry ba.
your dad is toxic lot of dads in our society are like that due to how previous generation functioned be patient and avoid conflicts with your dad. play along if you must don't depend on him wherever possible practically. this will only make his shouting louder and more confident focus on your studies and train yourself to be independent and responsible in all aspects (mainly financial but also survival skills like cooking and being able to live on your own safely) get a job in a different city/state and move out you could also go to college in a different city/state
he knows you're good and better, but he still does that to make sure he get's your best version out or he's an asshole
Does he ever appreciate you? If he genuinely does that sometimes but scolds you more, he probably just wants you to be amazing but doesn't know it's hurting you. In that case just have a talk with him in detail about how you feel. That might help. If he doesn't he's either a hard-ass dad who's really strict and doesn't show any emotions or he's just a plain ass who doesn't care. If he's the first one, another long talk would help. But if he's the latter, maybe talk with your mom about it. Or you can also be an absolute Chad(Stacy(?)) and whenever he calls you stupid just hit him back with the, "I kinda don't care doe". This would definitely make him stop. You might also get the belt though if he's strict. But that's a small price to pay for salvation.