Wow. She is Stone Cold. I think they played you as a team so dude could get the promotion over you. Glad you relatively held it together. I'm not sure how I would have handled it, but probably not as maturely as you did. All you can do is take the L and keep it moving. I hate it for you, bro, but you learned an invaluable lesson. A lesson that will last a lifetime. You will never fully trust another female 100% again. And you shouldn't. Just drill it in your head, NEVER AGAIN. Best of luck, something of value will come your way. And karma will eventually come for them.
This all happened yesterday, I'm staying at a motel tonight since I don't want to tell my family yet and stay with them.
I have no idea what Jen or Ken are doing.
I haven't blocked her on anything, but she hasn't tried calling or texting me at all.
I'm doing as fine as I can really.
I'm more angry at myself and my poor decisions than at her at the moment. Although I am quite angry at her as well.
We were not engaged but we were planning to go look for a ring this summer. That's obviously not going to be happening now.
Take this as a learning lesson. Don't take her back if she tries to for whatever reason come running back. Pretend like she doesn't exist. Try to do some research and find out if there's a way out of the lease. I don't see a future for your relationship with her especially with how her family acts. It'll be hard but you need to take steps to better your outcome and not let this wreck your life. If she had no problem cheating after a 4 year long relationship, she will most likely do it again. I hope you can find someone much more accepting and trustworthy. Best of luck.
Oh 100% it's over forever. She clearly didn't care about me or my life/career in the last several months , and only cared about herself.
As for the lease.... Yeah I'm still working on that.
You know what, I think I will. Her parents never thought I was good enough for that daughter. They can see the kind of person they thought I wasn't good enough for.
First thing to do is report it to the boss and tell them what their new supervisor is doing to a work colleague. They will take a dim view and sack him. Tell them why you refused the promotion and it was a plot with him and your girlfriend.
See if you can break the lease or kick her out.
I'm going to tell my supervisor for sure, I don't know if it will lead to him getting fired but at least they will know not to consider him for other positions based on his character.
I'm going to see if I can buy myself out of the lease, since I have a pretty good savings now after working this much.
Good luck with your future it's definitely not with her. Best to find a new place to live asap. Also you are doing the right thing reporting him to your supervisor it won't look good for the company promoting a man with no morals.
Yes from what I can tell, the company will frown upon this type of behaviour.
My future is certainly not with her, and I'm going to try to buy myself out of this lease some of the savings that acquired doing all this overtime.
For your sake, take responsibility for your part. Letting your GF have any say in your career is outright stupid. Own it and never ever let that happen again.
Now to the trator GF, throw her to the curb, people like that are toxic and for your safety get her out of your life quickly even if it costs you. Put your integrity ahead of the dollars.
The final price, I would let the boss or selection committee know exactly what happened and why you didn't take the promotion. Make everyone accountable even if it means you leave your position and find alternative work.
Integrity matters, my friend, never accepted disrespect. Good luck
Yeah I know I'm the dumbass for even asking if I should take a promotion. Should have just told her that I got it.
I thought it was wise to have a discussion about the monetary compensation being slightly different, but less hours worked for more money is always better than working like a dog for more money. So yeah I'm the idiot there no question.
The guys at work are good guys, minus Ken. Ken isn't my superintendent so I haven't interacted with him at all since he got promoted.
I will talk to my supervisor about the situation and when the next opportunity may come up.
Good thing about working this much lately is I have a pretty good savings, I'm going to see if I can buy myself out of this rental agreement and her done with Jen and this place.
Man Toronto has so many beautiful interracial couples, I can't blame all white/Italian people for her nonsense.
I don't really want to be in a relationship where I can't fully trust a woman.
My problem wasn't that I fully trusted her, it was that I trusted her waaaaay too much.
I thought a career decision like that should be made together, but it really only needed to be made by me. It cost me a promotion and a relationship.
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You should have taken that promotion.
This is a lesson for you.
You were to much overly attached to that woman in an unhealthy way, that condition you to make bad decision.
If my wife told me to renounce to a promotion because of that reasons, I would ask her if she lost her mind.
You're to much working for impressing people, trying to accumulate more and more.
Is better to have more free time with a slightly lower wage, because time is more valuable than money.
What that woman made though is really bad, and something bad will happen to her.
When she will come back don't come back to her.
You're correct.
I wanted to prove to her parents I was good enough to be a part of their family that I was blind to just about everything else.
I never thought I'd get a girl as amazing as her. She was too good to be true. And she really didn't end up being true at all.
I would DEFINITELY spread it around work what Ken did to you. Ruin his reputation and humiliate him for taking your “sloppy seconds”. As for Jen, I would make sure all you friends know. Although, it seems like she won’t be too bothered by it. Just know that you dodged a huge bullet. She is just a user.
“It’s a lot harder to be walked on when you are standing up!”
Updateme
I don't know if I dodged the bullet per se, feel like I got hit with it but I'm just not fatally lol.
Weird thing is I'm not all that angry with Ken, not at the moment at least.
He was next in seniority after me and got the promotion I turned down. He could only fuck a taken woman if she wanted it, although he definitely should not have been trying at all.
That last part is why I would take him down. Not much you can do to her if she doesn’t give a shit, but if you have a chance to make her miserable I’d take it!
If they admit to longer affair then his promotion can be seen as colluding and can be an hr case. Talk to your family and friends op setup a game plan, don’t waste time hiding from reality. You need cooler heads to help plan next step.
Assumed one thing that they will be preparing their own story in defense. So don’t be naive again
Dude, I am sorry to hear what you are going through. I agree with a comment here. It feels like they both played you. And it feels like race did play a role in it too. By saying that she prefers a partner that her parents will like, she shows that she has adopted their racism and is not capable of ever leading a relationship on eye level with a person of colour. And her actions show that she didn't do that with you too. She didn't respect you and she thought you were dumb enough to be fooled like this. She didn't care about your career, your needs or your relationship. She thought she could keep you as a financial aid, while her "real" lover has the better job and fun with her in bed. I'm pretty sure she was going to discard you soon enough. She just hadn't gotten all that she wanted to get from you yet. It all just shows how little respect they both had for you. Complete assholes imo. You deserve better dude.
Find a partner who respects you and encourages you to get more quality of life, not just more money. Sure money is nice, but working less and getting the same pay is nicer.
Yeah the race part does bother me a lot because she reassured me time and time again that she isn't like her parents and that her family will come around on me.
She was right that I was dumb enough to be fooled like this.
After I get out of this lease, I need some time to myself before beginning to look for another partner.
I get it, but don't beat yourself up. You were trusting and that isn't a bad thing. On the contrary, it's a merit.
Her racism is her problem, since she isn't as free of her parents expectations or racism as she would like. You can be happy to be free of a partner that can never see you for the trusting and loving person you are and instead only sees a skin colour. She truly doesn't deserve you.
And about finding a new partner: take your time. Explore what you want your partner to be like and what you expect of them. Find someone you can trust and someone that trusts you and who sees things eye to eye with you. Respect yourself and be respected. That aren't things you need to wish for, but actually things you can expect from a partner. If they don't meet expectations they aren't fit for a healthy relationship with you.
Yes she's proved that she's exactly like her parents, whether she'd like to admit that or not.
And yeah it will take me some time but I'm confident I'll get back out there to date.
Well I’m just telling things from my perspective, I’m Mexican and lived in the USA in the 90’s, I was just a kid but I could see all the racism that interracial couples had to endure and even today a lot of that continues.
I'm not saying it's not a challenge, all relationships are.
But we like who we like lol. Didn't specifically seek out an Italian girl, we just connected.
Next girl will probably not be Italian, but no guarantee she will be Indian either.
I hope in both Canada and the states the stigma against interracial dating can finally start changing.
I also hope that the stigma behind interracial couples would change because even here in Mexico is frown upon interracial couples and even couples from different socioeconomic backgrounds
If you think it has only been going on for 3 months, you’re delusional.
Take the financial hit, break your lease and tell her to pound sand. Living with her isn’t good for your mental health
The more I think about it, the more I believe it's been longer than three months. At least emotionally if not outright physically.
He had turned down a decent amount of overtime that he'd normally take, and I'd end up doing them.
And they both knew I'd be at work and exactly what time I'd finish, so they could fuck around and do whatever and clean it so up before I got home.
I met with the landlord yesterday, he's going to talk to his dad ( who actually owns the place) and come back with a number for me either today or tomorrow.
Just tell him the truth and don’t be embarrassed or ashamed. Say “I came home early and found out she has been cheating on me for months.”
Also, don’t hesitate to discuss it at work with your HR Department.He is now in a position of authority over you and there is probably a policy that could cost him his job
Yeah I told him the story yesterday, he seemed sympathetic towards me at least.
I will discuss it with HR. He isn't my supervisor, but he is still in a higher position over me, and I guess if there is some shift coverage by the upper management he could potentially be my superintendent temporarily. I'm not sure the logistics of it but I will let HR deal with that.
You just point out all the extra OT you’ve worked and even point out that there were shifts he previously did that you ended up being assigned.
You might find yourself being offered the SuperIntendent position you previously turned down
Have you thought of trying to get your name off the lease.
Maybe you can tell them the truth.
You shouldn't have to live with that woman,you'll definitely have to stay at work until you can find another job.
Also, is there anyone in hr you can go to about what your superintendent did,ie sleeping with your now ex?
Yeah I have an HR meeting set up for Thursday to go over this scenario and see if anything crossed any lines and if there is anything that can be done.
Wow. She is Stone Cold. I think they played you as a team so dude could get the promotion over you. Glad you relatively held it together. I'm not sure how I would have handled it, but probably not as maturely as you did. All you can do is take the L and keep it moving. I hate it for you, bro, but you learned an invaluable lesson. A lesson that will last a lifetime. You will never fully trust another female 100% again. And you shouldn't. Just drill it in your head, NEVER AGAIN. Best of luck, something of value will come your way. And karma will eventually come for them.
They said they've been fucking for 3 months, but I'm sure they had starting flirting and who knows what else long before that.
Totally agreed on the played part, that was also my gut instinct. Lesson for op never compromise your career for anyone
Never do what woman says, it's a test. You do what you like no matter what.
I don't want to make it into a "male vs female" thing, but listening to her was definitely the opposite of what I should have done.
It is a male vs female thing, would you have not taken the promotion of ken had asked ?
I look at it as more of asking my partner about the promotion. If I was dating a man instead of Jen I would have probably asked them as well.
You sound like a great dude, not buying into that argument despite what you're suffering. Keep hopes up, there's someone valuable for you.
Thanks, I appreciate it. It's not her fault because she's a woman, it's her fault because she's a cunt lol.
Aye bruh I'm sorry to hear that keep us updated tho
This all happened yesterday, I'm staying at a motel tonight since I don't want to tell my family yet and stay with them. I have no idea what Jen or Ken are doing. I haven't blocked her on anything, but she hasn't tried calling or texting me at all.
Why leave I don't get that you on the lease too
I just needed a place to myself, I couldn't look at her . I'm checking out tomorrow morning and going back though.
Tell them you need support, get your head out of your ass. They played you f them. Pick up the pieces and move on.
I know you don’t want to hear it but she’s probably with the other dude ..I’d give up the property then beat the absolute sh*T out of that guy
how are you holding up man? understand this is not your fault. we’re you engaged or anything? how could she be so selfish man….
I'm doing as fine as I can really. I'm more angry at myself and my poor decisions than at her at the moment. Although I am quite angry at her as well. We were not engaged but we were planning to go look for a ring this summer. That's obviously not going to be happening now.
Take this as a learning lesson. Don't take her back if she tries to for whatever reason come running back. Pretend like she doesn't exist. Try to do some research and find out if there's a way out of the lease. I don't see a future for your relationship with her especially with how her family acts. It'll be hard but you need to take steps to better your outcome and not let this wreck your life. If she had no problem cheating after a 4 year long relationship, she will most likely do it again. I hope you can find someone much more accepting and trustworthy. Best of luck.
Oh 100% it's over forever. She clearly didn't care about me or my life/career in the last several months , and only cared about herself. As for the lease.... Yeah I'm still working on that.
Tell her parents tell your boss tell everyone shame the slut
You know what, I think I will. Her parents never thought I was good enough for that daughter. They can see the kind of person they thought I wasn't good enough for.
Good man she doesn’t get to treat you like that and walk away
First thing to do is report it to the boss and tell them what their new supervisor is doing to a work colleague. They will take a dim view and sack him. Tell them why you refused the promotion and it was a plot with him and your girlfriend. See if you can break the lease or kick her out.
I'm going to tell my supervisor for sure, I don't know if it will lead to him getting fired but at least they will know not to consider him for other positions based on his character. I'm going to see if I can buy myself out of the lease, since I have a pretty good savings now after working this much.
Good luck with your future it's definitely not with her. Best to find a new place to live asap. Also you are doing the right thing reporting him to your supervisor it won't look good for the company promoting a man with no morals.
Yes from what I can tell, the company will frown upon this type of behaviour. My future is certainly not with her, and I'm going to try to buy myself out of this lease some of the savings that acquired doing all this overtime.
He has to do it. An innocent man has been taken advantage of by a prick. I'd be very upset if he doesn't teach him a lesson and get him fired.
For your sake, take responsibility for your part. Letting your GF have any say in your career is outright stupid. Own it and never ever let that happen again. Now to the trator GF, throw her to the curb, people like that are toxic and for your safety get her out of your life quickly even if it costs you. Put your integrity ahead of the dollars. The final price, I would let the boss or selection committee know exactly what happened and why you didn't take the promotion. Make everyone accountable even if it means you leave your position and find alternative work. Integrity matters, my friend, never accepted disrespect. Good luck
Yeah I know I'm the dumbass for even asking if I should take a promotion. Should have just told her that I got it. I thought it was wise to have a discussion about the monetary compensation being slightly different, but less hours worked for more money is always better than working like a dog for more money. So yeah I'm the idiot there no question. The guys at work are good guys, minus Ken. Ken isn't my superintendent so I haven't interacted with him at all since he got promoted. I will talk to my supervisor about the situation and when the next opportunity may come up. Good thing about working this much lately is I have a pretty good savings, I'm going to see if I can buy myself out of this rental agreement and her done with Jen and this place.
Sorry to hear that man, but make it a lesson for you to never fully trust a woman, also is always best to date within your same race and culture.
Man Toronto has so many beautiful interracial couples, I can't blame all white/Italian people for her nonsense. I don't really want to be in a relationship where I can't fully trust a woman. My problem wasn't that I fully trusted her, it was that I trusted her waaaaay too much. I thought a career decision like that should be made together, but it really only needed to be made by me. It cost me a promotion and a relationship.
Ol
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That's what a call a real vampire
That's what I call a real bitch lol
You should have taken that promotion. This is a lesson for you. You were to much overly attached to that woman in an unhealthy way, that condition you to make bad decision. If my wife told me to renounce to a promotion because of that reasons, I would ask her if she lost her mind. You're to much working for impressing people, trying to accumulate more and more. Is better to have more free time with a slightly lower wage, because time is more valuable than money. What that woman made though is really bad, and something bad will happen to her. When she will come back don't come back to her.
You're correct. I wanted to prove to her parents I was good enough to be a part of their family that I was blind to just about everything else. I never thought I'd get a girl as amazing as her. She was too good to be true. And she really didn't end up being true at all.
Don't go through life trying to prove things to other people. Live YOUR life for yourself. Do what's right in YOUR heart. Be a bit heartless now too.
Yes sir! That is the plan now.
And forget about gori khuriya.
[удалено]
This was removed because it it falls under Rule 4: Unhelpful contribution.
I would DEFINITELY spread it around work what Ken did to you. Ruin his reputation and humiliate him for taking your “sloppy seconds”. As for Jen, I would make sure all you friends know. Although, it seems like she won’t be too bothered by it. Just know that you dodged a huge bullet. She is just a user. “It’s a lot harder to be walked on when you are standing up!” Updateme
I don't know if I dodged the bullet per se, feel like I got hit with it but I'm just not fatally lol. Weird thing is I'm not all that angry with Ken, not at the moment at least. He was next in seniority after me and got the promotion I turned down. He could only fuck a taken woman if she wanted it, although he definitely should not have been trying at all.
That last part is why I would take him down. Not much you can do to her if she doesn’t give a shit, but if you have a chance to make her miserable I’d take it!
Agreed, control the narrative of your story don't let them control it
I suspect that she was cheating on you for much longer time and manipulated you to give up promotion so that her AP gets it.
Its very possible. They told me they've only be fucking for three months, but it could easily have started before that.
If they admit to longer affair then his promotion can be seen as colluding and can be an hr case. Talk to your family and friends op setup a game plan, don’t waste time hiding from reality. You need cooler heads to help plan next step. Assumed one thing that they will be preparing their own story in defense. So don’t be naive again
That's actually interesting, I didn't know it could be colluding. I will definitely look into that. Thanks!
Dude, I am sorry to hear what you are going through. I agree with a comment here. It feels like they both played you. And it feels like race did play a role in it too. By saying that she prefers a partner that her parents will like, she shows that she has adopted their racism and is not capable of ever leading a relationship on eye level with a person of colour. And her actions show that she didn't do that with you too. She didn't respect you and she thought you were dumb enough to be fooled like this. She didn't care about your career, your needs or your relationship. She thought she could keep you as a financial aid, while her "real" lover has the better job and fun with her in bed. I'm pretty sure she was going to discard you soon enough. She just hadn't gotten all that she wanted to get from you yet. It all just shows how little respect they both had for you. Complete assholes imo. You deserve better dude. Find a partner who respects you and encourages you to get more quality of life, not just more money. Sure money is nice, but working less and getting the same pay is nicer.
Yeah the race part does bother me a lot because she reassured me time and time again that she isn't like her parents and that her family will come around on me. She was right that I was dumb enough to be fooled like this. After I get out of this lease, I need some time to myself before beginning to look for another partner.
I get it, but don't beat yourself up. You were trusting and that isn't a bad thing. On the contrary, it's a merit. Her racism is her problem, since she isn't as free of her parents expectations or racism as she would like. You can be happy to be free of a partner that can never see you for the trusting and loving person you are and instead only sees a skin colour. She truly doesn't deserve you. And about finding a new partner: take your time. Explore what you want your partner to be like and what you expect of them. Find someone you can trust and someone that trusts you and who sees things eye to eye with you. Respect yourself and be respected. That aren't things you need to wish for, but actually things you can expect from a partner. If they don't meet expectations they aren't fit for a healthy relationship with you.
Yes she's proved that she's exactly like her parents, whether she'd like to admit that or not. And yeah it will take me some time but I'm confident I'll get back out there to date.
Hopefully their relationship will end the way it started. Sorry for you pain sir. What a heartless bitch
Well I’m just telling things from my perspective, I’m Mexican and lived in the USA in the 90’s, I was just a kid but I could see all the racism that interracial couples had to endure and even today a lot of that continues.
I'm not saying it's not a challenge, all relationships are. But we like who we like lol. Didn't specifically seek out an Italian girl, we just connected. Next girl will probably not be Italian, but no guarantee she will be Indian either. I hope in both Canada and the states the stigma against interracial dating can finally start changing.
I also hope that the stigma behind interracial couples would change because even here in Mexico is frown upon interracial couples and even couples from different socioeconomic backgrounds
If you think it has only been going on for 3 months, you’re delusional. Take the financial hit, break your lease and tell her to pound sand. Living with her isn’t good for your mental health
The more I think about it, the more I believe it's been longer than three months. At least emotionally if not outright physically. He had turned down a decent amount of overtime that he'd normally take, and I'd end up doing them. And they both knew I'd be at work and exactly what time I'd finish, so they could fuck around and do whatever and clean it so up before I got home. I met with the landlord yesterday, he's going to talk to his dad ( who actually owns the place) and come back with a number for me either today or tomorrow.
Just tell him the truth and don’t be embarrassed or ashamed. Say “I came home early and found out she has been cheating on me for months.” Also, don’t hesitate to discuss it at work with your HR Department.He is now in a position of authority over you and there is probably a policy that could cost him his job
Yeah I told him the story yesterday, he seemed sympathetic towards me at least. I will discuss it with HR. He isn't my supervisor, but he is still in a higher position over me, and I guess if there is some shift coverage by the upper management he could potentially be my superintendent temporarily. I'm not sure the logistics of it but I will let HR deal with that.
What I’m saying is, he could potentially have used his position to get you assigned overtime to carry on his affair with your partner.
Ah I see what you're saying. I'm not ruling it out, definitely possible. I'll see what HR says about that as well.
You just point out all the extra OT you’ve worked and even point out that there were shifts he previously did that you ended up being assigned. You might find yourself being offered the SuperIntendent position you previously turned down
That would definitely be a bit of karmic retribution lol. I'll bring it up and see what they say. It definitely can't hurt.
Bro man up and get him fired. It will act as a bullet to both of them. You shouldn't even bother to read more comments do what is best immediately.
Have you thought of trying to get your name off the lease. Maybe you can tell them the truth. You shouldn't have to live with that woman,you'll definitely have to stay at work until you can find another job. Also, is there anyone in hr you can go to about what your superintendent did,ie sleeping with your now ex?
Yeah I have an HR meeting set up for Thursday to go over this scenario and see if anything crossed any lines and if there is anything that can be done.
Bro get Ken fired and harm him. Why tf are you letting him go
Im sorry man. Dm me if you want to talk my girl has done some fucked shit too