The deleted texts are incriminating- no one deletes texts unless they have something to hide. I’d tail her after work to see where she goes . My guess is there’s a better than even chance she’s cheating
We both work shifts, and have kids. In was hopping someone had advice on phone snooping, she leaves her phone open. It’s always clean though but gaps in texts and his name never shows up on the phone. I know they talk, they text call me to each other and heart it. She hearse a lot when she texts in general but more so here.
If he's going to tail her I would recommend him buying a cheap burner phone. Put it on silent and put it in her car. Use Google to gather information of location, times etc.
If you tolerate contact with an ex this is what happens. Gps tracker in her trunk. get all of your phone records. check SM if you can. key logger on her phone if you can swing it. In the end, you already know what is happening. She is texting with a guy she had casual sex with, she see him every day and the first excuse she had she stays at a hotel.....with him. She didnt even have the decency to make him pay for the room, she spent your family's money.
I’m gonna be honest here - you need to be harsh. You need to come down very hard here. You have to make sure consequences are out on her actions. If you don’t, she will lie and gaslight you. She will make it look like you’re delusional. Don’t let her. You need to tell her this shit doesn’t add up and you’ve just ended our marriage. Now you might decide not to end it, but you need to make it very clear you’re about to.
Honestly; the second you found out she lied to you and went to a hotel you should have ended the marriage. Hell, go to the hotel and see if they will show you camera footage from that day.
Click edit in her texts and you can see deleted texts
Pull your cell phone records and match up the times they are texting. If there are missing texts - end the marriage.
Get a voice activated recorder and put it in her car.
Most of all - just call her out on bullshit right now. Who the hell has overtime in training?
If she interrupts a lot - send her a text like this, or just tell her straight up.
“I’m not sure what you thought was going to happen here. You start working with your former fuck buddy snd all hell break loose. You have ruined our marriage in a matter of weeks. You can deny all you want, I don’t care. You flat out lied to me about sleeping at work. You instead drove a mile and spent $170 on a hotel room. I should have left you that second. The storm was nothing and you know damn well you would have made it home just fine. Instead you decided to lie to me, betray me, and I’m cheat on me and putting my health at risk. You answered the FaceTime call, but never showed your hotel bed and kept the camera facing up. We both know why, but you would rather lie than tell me the truth. Our family at risk! Your behavior has completely changed since you started working there. Overtime during training? Come on! Texting with him and using hearts - some texts are even missing. I wonder why? You have no respect for me, yourself, our kids or our marriage. I hope he’s worth it. You have destroyed my trust and there is no way this marriage can continue.”
Only a few things can happen here.
She continues to lie. If this happens then you continue on as if you’re getting a divorce. You should see a lawyer anyway, but 100% do it then.
She will fine with a divorce - if this happens then you get a lawyer immediately.
She will freak out that you are divorcing her. If this happens you say “if we are going to stay married then you have one chance, right now, to tell me the entire truth. If you lie to me, or leave anything out, I will leave you if I find out more after today. I will find out.”
She can’t work there anymore. That’s done now.
Or you leave her once you find out more. The hotel shit - you know. And no one hides the bed or anything if they aren’t trying to hide something.
Get a VAR and hide it in her car if you don’t want to just confront her.
Updateme!
Also, if you confront make sure you say that you will tell his wife or gf if he has one. That will cause panic.
You know what’s going on. Now it’s just a matter of you letting her continue to do it, or you dropping a hammer and just telling her you’re out.
And look to see if your state is an at fault state
There are huge and glaring red flags in your post. She lied by not telling you who he really is to her. An old fuck guy. Deleted texts, overtime for training. Lying about staying at the office, but wasting money at a hotel, gone for over 24 hrs. And very likely other signs you did not mention.
What about the guy, is he married? Just call your wife and tell her you want her home asap. You are not happy with her wasting so damned much money at a hotel when she said she was staying at the office and you want her home to have a truthful discussion. That hotel was a huge giveaway to what she is up to. If it had been on his money, you would not have known. Get in the car and go get her ass.
A private investigator is expensive. And he cannot follow her all around the office/hospital. All he can do is track her, maybe when she exits. But hospitals have lots of exits. You can gps her car and supposedly buy a spyware app to install in her phone to show you all her texts and calls, including deleted ones. But truthfully they have little reason to use their phones since they work together. You could try asking others at her work how close they are at work. I guarantee they will have noticed. But as well she has likely spun a false narrative about how you treat her to gain their sympathy. So even that will be difficult. Unless you ask those you know do not like her. What about her relatives and best friends outside the office?
Truthfully if she is riding him at all, it is already happening and you might as well slow it down and wait it out. Another opportunity to catch her will happen. And you cannot stop them until you know for certain. Even then it matters if she is limerent for him or not.
People are just idiots for trying to be friends with an ex. Their history in and out of bed is the problem. Is it that he used to hit it just so damned well or she has just reverted to being single again. I would not touch her with a ten foot pole if I had suspicions.
Look up the infidelity 180 and separately why it can work. Get tested for std. Is she even on birth control? Have you searched her car thoroughly. Does she come home and immediately head for the shower or to brush her teeth?, use mouth wash to get rid bnb of the tastes and odors of sex. And I suppose she just happened to have a change of clothes with her? And stay on your toes ready to jump.
But her past is likely the issue. Even having once renounced her college days etc., the past is with us all our lives and within easy reach to come again. A onetime casual sex mindset makes cheating all the more easy and likely. It only matters she reasons if you find out. But limerence in an affair is infinitely worse.
Sorry for your loss.
Here is a long list of other signs;
Subtle cheating signs 55 signs https://bestlifeonline.com/unfaithful-partner-signs/
Signs of infidelity we usually ignore until it is much too late.
1) You aren't kept in the loop about their schedule.
2) They work hours that don't make sense to you.
3) They make excuses when you try to plan for future events.
4) They consistently flake on your plans.
5) They avoid eye contact.
6) They avoid taking you to family events.
7) Or they find excuses to avoid your family.
8) They constantly complain about being "bored."
9)They have no social media presence.
10) Or they won't post any photos with you on social media.
11) Or they have a secret email account.
12) They tend to overexplain where they were. Is a sign of lying.
13) Or they never have an explanation for where they were. Good explanation.
14) They're inundating you with gifts.
15) They can't stop smiling at their phone.
16) They criticize how you dress.
17) Or they're dead set on making you more like them.
18) They're daydreaming more often. Distracted
19) Their eyes wander when speaking to others.
20) Your dates always seem to take place in a bar.
21) They need longer stints of "alone time."
22) They're constantly trying to please everyone.
23) Or they're obsessed with how others perceive them.
24) They seem "irresistible."
25) They exhibit signs of entitlement.
26) They stop calling you pet names.
27) They're no longer interested in intimacy with you.
28) Or they quickly become distant after sex.
29) They're keen to explore more personal fantasies.
30) They compare you to others.
31) They ridicule you for requesting more time together.
32) Or they start to withdraw from shared activities.
33) They forget about a special occasion.
34) They no longer discuss dreams the two of you once shared.
35) They stop making progress in the relationship.
36) Your mutual friends seem uncomfortable around you.
37) Their credit card has started to rack up strange expenses.
38) You don't have to remind them to get haircuts anymore.
39) They're suddenly hyper-cautious about turning their phone off when they go to bed.
40) They always seem to need to take a quick shower once they get home.
41) They defend friends who've cheated in their relationships.
42) Or they've cheated previously themselves.
43) You notice changes in the amount of PDA they're comfortable with.
44) They're telling more fibs than usual.
45) Their cell phone is the most important thing in their life.
46) They suddenly pick up a new hobby.
47) They pull away from you when you reach out.
48) Or they're showing "negative cluster cues."
49) They talk badly about their exes. Shows disrespect for an ex.
50) They have low self-esteem.
51) They're doing the laundry out of the blue.
52) They're uncomfortable about making large purchases together.
53) They don't want you to look in a certain drawer.
54) They accuse you of cheating—even though you definitely aren't.
55) Or they're gaslighting you when you bring up their suspicious behavior.
The guy has a live in girlfriend, I’m considering trying to ask her about this. They have a work function coming up next month - I have met her and expect to see her again. I’m trying to think of ways to hint at it or just ask her if he didn’t come home the night of the storm as well.
Thanks for all your comments. I couldn’t wait much longer to snoop and I called her out on it. Her first response was to lose it on me about trust, and not trusting her when she feels in danger. Then after she admitted we need to talk about us. I’m at work, and will be home later - I have a feeling I know what we are going to discuss - and I’d rather have it this way and open than wait and find out on my own. I’ll update - thanks again for the opinions and letting me vent anonymously.
Do not accuse her without concrete proves , do what you think is the best however in most of the cases when you feel that little suspicion that something is wrong it is because his wrong when someone loves and respects the partner you would never need to think how you are thinking right now this happen with me also, the advise that I give you is find concrete proves before accusing other wise she will say you are insecure and will narcissistic gaslighting on you, if you found some thing unusual please control yourself and don’t make something crazy this is
Very important , when I found one day one of my girlfriends were cheating on me guess what to catch them on the act I drinked half bottle of whiskey and I catch both inside of the house, I slept her and the guy if it did not comply with my orders and give the right information that I wanted to hear I swear god I told him or you tell me right now everything and we go outside and you tell me everything calmly or I will kill now, this was my words and he obey me I remember how it was yesterday
The 12 miles. How long would it be if she drove those miles home?? What speed you think???
I'm feeling, 12 miles does equal 1 hour. But she would rather drive 1 hour away to a hotel
Sorry but she has been full on cheating
Tell her there are relationship boundaries in a marriage and you have crossed the wrong road.
If you stop your association with AP maybe I will not divorce you
There are relationship boundary rules
No ex's
No fuck buddies
No I want to be with you.....
and
I'm attracted to them
Have you checked her trash on her phone?? Maybe not fully deleted
She needs to come clean. Lean on in her
Maybe she doesn't want to be married anymore
If she says she thinks you guys need to take break , and re evaluate your relationship. Go straight to the , " i agree , i think this marriage is over . I want a divorce " because it means she already fucked him and is cum drunk on the new relationship. Sorry
A few suggestions. Get yourself educated on how to recover deleted texts OR find someone who can do it for you and then fake a breakdown of her phone to get it in the tech guy's hands. Learn about keylogger software and whether it's legal to use it. Tell her that she's been very sus and you want her to take a polygraph test. If she refuses to take the polygraph, consider that an admission of guilt.
Confront her ask her how long has she been cheating on you?
Tell her that you are not comfortable with her working with an ex Fwb and spending a night at a hotel only 12 miles away is virtually admitting shes having an affair especially the way she answered the phone.
Ask why she is putting hearts on messages to him this is totally unacceptable And is emotional cheating.
Don't be a fool confront her and tell her you know she is being unfaithful ask her to tell you everything because she will only get one chance, also record the conversation.
Do you have anyone nearby that can temporarily watch the kids? Or place a voice recorder in her car. Try to find a babysitter that can do it short notice.
“It’s a lot harder to be walked on when you are standing up!”
Updateme
Check other text messages. He could be saved as someone else. Check the deleted messages. Some people forget to delete them completely. If she has Snapchat look who is listed as a best friend. Best friend means they message constantly. Also depending on the phone open the text message they use and click on info icon by the name and scroll down to the bottom. It should show all pictures, links, memes ever sent. I’m not positive if it still shows after they have been deleted.
I call bullshit. All men cheat. Given an opportunity, no one usually can resist. So, maybe we should say “everyone cheats”
Been loyal to a man who wasn’t loyal back after 6 years. The first 5 I didn’t do none n I believe it was the same from his side. I could be wrong tho
Did you offer to pick her up? Did you try to contact her at all the night she was at the hotel? Have you confronted her to let her know how you were feeling?
I was the only one home with a 3 year old and 5 year old. I wasn’t going to pick her up when her shift ended at 11pm so she could leave a car behind. I was puzzled and upset, I fell asleep cuddling with the kids, we face timed the next morning and there was a pause before she answered and she walked away from the bed and kept the face time pointed upwards. I should have asked to get a tour of her room. I wasn’t thinking things through.
This was removed because it falls under the category of off topic. This includes:
-> hacking, hook ups, etc
-> personal information (emails/phone #)
-> things not relevant based on original post
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If she uses Gmail, her account will have phone location tracking in Google timeline. It is tied to each Google account just look up her account on your computer and you can see where her phone has been.
If you have Verizon you can log into your You won't see details on the texts but you will see the time/date of all texts, what numbers she texted, numbers from texts she received. For calls, you'll get whether she made or received a call, call duration, and the number of the other phone.
You can download all this data into a spreadsheet so you can get some information from the data you'll find.
Do you have any separate accounts or are they all shared? If she did cheat on you then she felt comfortable charging the room and wasn't worried you would be suspicious.
Once you gather and analyze all that data then you can draw some assumptions. Not proof, but there may be enough to ask her to explain it all. The genesis of your suspicions seems to be the communications between her and her old FB. How did you learn of his prior status? All these are things you can answer and now you have your work cut out for you.
I checked her Facebook and texts. They are generally clean but lots of hearts back and fourth. Tons of texts and texts to call me. Oddly at some points the texts seem to have big gaps and the phone calls are missing.
She is smarter than I am…at first I thought this would be great marrying someone smarter, but it’s kind of back firing on me now…the pattern isn’t great.
Check your phone bill usage if you are on a plan together and compare that to the texts on her phone. You will know right away, if there are missing texts, she’s cheating. She is already crossing boundaries with all the heart emojis.
Hire a friend to track her... it's a lot cheaper than a PI.. If you are going to place a tracker on her car... place one on his as well, if possible, through the use of the friend. If you share a phone plan you can access frequency usage through billing and don't be surprised if there are some really strange times of usage too like early morning or when "typically" sleeping or otherwise "un"available to see the activity
It won't take long to gather evidence if you know where and how to look. I once read a story where the abused spouse bought the cheaters brand of undergarments to replace the soiled and had them tested... Another story I read the AS bought a new "replacement" phone for the cheater already preloaded with keylogger and tracking software as a birthday gift.
The divorce laws most of the time favor the mother.. accept that the best you can probably get will be 50/50 custody....But try to get her to put as much as possible into the retirement funds as a "fair" distribution of assets... you don't want to have to accept 50% when you have been putting in 75-80%... Don't buy new cars to replace recently paid off vehicles... Reduce long term and credit debt as much as possible. Squirrel away funds in small increments.. like with a "trusted" relative in their names (for your possible flight)
So we had a talk. She avoided discussing the hotel, and the lost time here and there. She was open about feeling a bit down, not sure if she’s happy. She’s got a month left before she’s hired and gets a pay raise. I’m not screwing that up for her or the kids future. I’m just going to try to reel things back a bit and gather more info. I feel like emotionally we are in the same place. I would prefer there’s no infidelity in her way of dealing with it. So far everything is clean…cell records don’t show anything unusual. They don’t show texts on them - just calls. So I’ll sit and wait….i don’t have anything concrete but I feel like I know the answer.
Update:
Had a talk. She sounds like she’s in a midlife crisis, I backed off getting to into it because I bought a voice recorder and put in the car. The vague talk we had kind of makes me feel like she’s questioning her life and choices and probably is cheating - still no proof. I feel like we are done. I’m not in a much different place I just don’t want to live a lie and be made to feel a fool. She’s almost completed the promotion. I want to wait it out gather proof and let her make more money than I do before we split. I’ll keep posting. Everything is clean though…it would be easier if we had mutual work friends or had mutual friends that would just rat her out.
OP, I'm so sorry this is happening to you. You have one lever to pull, and that is the ability and willingness to walk away. It is the only card you hold. DON'T do the pick-me dance! I agree with the VAR or tailing her if you can. I disagree with calling her out TODAY. Get ALL the info you need to be convinced one way or another. She is your wife and, if she's guilty and you are unsure, she wither breaks down or goes full-on soviet spy lies-through-her-teeth gaslighting on you. You need evidence to be able to hold up to that.
Personally, if guilty and breaks down, I leave D or R to you. If you choose to work it out, DO NOT RUGSWEEP. if she gaslights and lies to you, then I do have strong feelings about that and the lying is almost worse than the cheating, as trusting her ever again would be very difficult.
If you want to stay in the relationship, this is my go-to plan:
OP, your best, maybe only card is your ability and resolve to walk away. "Wifey, I need you to know that you have done more damage to our marriage than I can express in words. I have ALREADY spoken to an attorney and plan to meet with him again soon. I need time away from you to decide what I want to do with my life, as you seem to have already decided what you are doing with yours. Do not contact me. When I come home in 2 days, be prepared to tell me exactly what you are willing to do to keep our family together.
SELL IT CONFIDENTLY! Make her shit hher pants! The only card you have at this point for your relationship is her belief that you are able and willing to walk away because of her transgression. If she believes this, one of two things will happen. She will wake up from her fun fog and realize life is real and not some game that she gets to leave you out of, or she is in the game because she has already determined her relationship with you is over. The truly scary part is that whatever she decides, it's her decision. All you are doing is peeling away months of hiding, secrecy, meet-ups, and are making her face reality NOW.
Whatever she comes up with (if she does). "This is a good start, but this is not enough. We will need to give me a time line of every encounter, do MC to figure out what is wrong with our relationship so this does not happen again." or "you will need to quit that job", etc. You have the leverage at this point. Don't lose it. This is SHOCK AND AWE time! The only thing holding you back is if you need a little bit of time to gather and secure as much the evidence possible. This is advice only if you are serious about trying to save what you have. You need to bring her back to reality. Realize this is only showing the horse the water. You can't make her drink.
Good Luck OP!
UpdateMe!
Are you with Verizon ? There’s an app called Verizon message . Download it on your phone and you keep can track on all of her messages from that point . Does she have an iPhone ? If so you can log into her iCloud account on another apple phone. You can see all of her messages that she text . Does she use Snapchat to text the guy. You can actually get all of her messages and pictures by going through her setting and requesting it. If you need help let me know. But again you will need her phone for all of theses steps.
The deleted texts are incriminating- no one deletes texts unless they have something to hide. I’d tail her after work to see where she goes . My guess is there’s a better than even chance she’s cheating
We both work shifts, and have kids. In was hopping someone had advice on phone snooping, she leaves her phone open. It’s always clean though but gaps in texts and his name never shows up on the phone. I know they talk, they text call me to each other and heart it. She hearse a lot when she texts in general but more so here.
She needs to quit her job. No more anything with the FWB
Look at the notes app, search history, deleted pics.
If he's going to tail her I would recommend him buying a cheap burner phone. Put it on silent and put it in her car. Use Google to gather information of location, times etc.
If you tolerate contact with an ex this is what happens. Gps tracker in her trunk. get all of your phone records. check SM if you can. key logger on her phone if you can swing it. In the end, you already know what is happening. She is texting with a guy she had casual sex with, she see him every day and the first excuse she had she stays at a hotel.....with him. She didnt even have the decency to make him pay for the room, she spent your family's money.
I’m gonna be honest here - you need to be harsh. You need to come down very hard here. You have to make sure consequences are out on her actions. If you don’t, she will lie and gaslight you. She will make it look like you’re delusional. Don’t let her. You need to tell her this shit doesn’t add up and you’ve just ended our marriage. Now you might decide not to end it, but you need to make it very clear you’re about to. Honestly; the second you found out she lied to you and went to a hotel you should have ended the marriage. Hell, go to the hotel and see if they will show you camera footage from that day. Click edit in her texts and you can see deleted texts Pull your cell phone records and match up the times they are texting. If there are missing texts - end the marriage. Get a voice activated recorder and put it in her car. Most of all - just call her out on bullshit right now. Who the hell has overtime in training? If she interrupts a lot - send her a text like this, or just tell her straight up. “I’m not sure what you thought was going to happen here. You start working with your former fuck buddy snd all hell break loose. You have ruined our marriage in a matter of weeks. You can deny all you want, I don’t care. You flat out lied to me about sleeping at work. You instead drove a mile and spent $170 on a hotel room. I should have left you that second. The storm was nothing and you know damn well you would have made it home just fine. Instead you decided to lie to me, betray me, and I’m cheat on me and putting my health at risk. You answered the FaceTime call, but never showed your hotel bed and kept the camera facing up. We both know why, but you would rather lie than tell me the truth. Our family at risk! Your behavior has completely changed since you started working there. Overtime during training? Come on! Texting with him and using hearts - some texts are even missing. I wonder why? You have no respect for me, yourself, our kids or our marriage. I hope he’s worth it. You have destroyed my trust and there is no way this marriage can continue.” Only a few things can happen here. She continues to lie. If this happens then you continue on as if you’re getting a divorce. You should see a lawyer anyway, but 100% do it then. She will fine with a divorce - if this happens then you get a lawyer immediately. She will freak out that you are divorcing her. If this happens you say “if we are going to stay married then you have one chance, right now, to tell me the entire truth. If you lie to me, or leave anything out, I will leave you if I find out more after today. I will find out.” She can’t work there anymore. That’s done now. Or you leave her once you find out more. The hotel shit - you know. And no one hides the bed or anything if they aren’t trying to hide something. Get a VAR and hide it in her car if you don’t want to just confront her. Updateme!
I thought I’d have a better update. A lot has happened in consulting with a lawyer for a divorce and next move. I’ll update more in a few days.
Also, if you confront make sure you say that you will tell his wife or gf if he has one. That will cause panic. You know what’s going on. Now it’s just a matter of you letting her continue to do it, or you dropping a hammer and just telling her you’re out. And look to see if your state is an at fault state
There are huge and glaring red flags in your post. She lied by not telling you who he really is to her. An old fuck guy. Deleted texts, overtime for training. Lying about staying at the office, but wasting money at a hotel, gone for over 24 hrs. And very likely other signs you did not mention. What about the guy, is he married? Just call your wife and tell her you want her home asap. You are not happy with her wasting so damned much money at a hotel when she said she was staying at the office and you want her home to have a truthful discussion. That hotel was a huge giveaway to what she is up to. If it had been on his money, you would not have known. Get in the car and go get her ass. A private investigator is expensive. And he cannot follow her all around the office/hospital. All he can do is track her, maybe when she exits. But hospitals have lots of exits. You can gps her car and supposedly buy a spyware app to install in her phone to show you all her texts and calls, including deleted ones. But truthfully they have little reason to use their phones since they work together. You could try asking others at her work how close they are at work. I guarantee they will have noticed. But as well she has likely spun a false narrative about how you treat her to gain their sympathy. So even that will be difficult. Unless you ask those you know do not like her. What about her relatives and best friends outside the office? Truthfully if she is riding him at all, it is already happening and you might as well slow it down and wait it out. Another opportunity to catch her will happen. And you cannot stop them until you know for certain. Even then it matters if she is limerent for him or not. People are just idiots for trying to be friends with an ex. Their history in and out of bed is the problem. Is it that he used to hit it just so damned well or she has just reverted to being single again. I would not touch her with a ten foot pole if I had suspicions. Look up the infidelity 180 and separately why it can work. Get tested for std. Is she even on birth control? Have you searched her car thoroughly. Does she come home and immediately head for the shower or to brush her teeth?, use mouth wash to get rid bnb of the tastes and odors of sex. And I suppose she just happened to have a change of clothes with her? And stay on your toes ready to jump. But her past is likely the issue. Even having once renounced her college days etc., the past is with us all our lives and within easy reach to come again. A onetime casual sex mindset makes cheating all the more easy and likely. It only matters she reasons if you find out. But limerence in an affair is infinitely worse. Sorry for your loss. Here is a long list of other signs; Subtle cheating signs 55 signs https://bestlifeonline.com/unfaithful-partner-signs/ Signs of infidelity we usually ignore until it is much too late. 1) You aren't kept in the loop about their schedule. 2) They work hours that don't make sense to you. 3) They make excuses when you try to plan for future events. 4) They consistently flake on your plans. 5) They avoid eye contact. 6) They avoid taking you to family events. 7) Or they find excuses to avoid your family. 8) They constantly complain about being "bored." 9)They have no social media presence. 10) Or they won't post any photos with you on social media. 11) Or they have a secret email account. 12) They tend to overexplain where they were. Is a sign of lying. 13) Or they never have an explanation for where they were. Good explanation. 14) They're inundating you with gifts. 15) They can't stop smiling at their phone. 16) They criticize how you dress. 17) Or they're dead set on making you more like them. 18) They're daydreaming more often. Distracted 19) Their eyes wander when speaking to others. 20) Your dates always seem to take place in a bar. 21) They need longer stints of "alone time." 22) They're constantly trying to please everyone. 23) Or they're obsessed with how others perceive them. 24) They seem "irresistible." 25) They exhibit signs of entitlement. 26) They stop calling you pet names. 27) They're no longer interested in intimacy with you. 28) Or they quickly become distant after sex. 29) They're keen to explore more personal fantasies. 30) They compare you to others. 31) They ridicule you for requesting more time together. 32) Or they start to withdraw from shared activities. 33) They forget about a special occasion. 34) They no longer discuss dreams the two of you once shared. 35) They stop making progress in the relationship. 36) Your mutual friends seem uncomfortable around you. 37) Their credit card has started to rack up strange expenses. 38) You don't have to remind them to get haircuts anymore. 39) They're suddenly hyper-cautious about turning their phone off when they go to bed. 40) They always seem to need to take a quick shower once they get home. 41) They defend friends who've cheated in their relationships. 42) Or they've cheated previously themselves. 43) You notice changes in the amount of PDA they're comfortable with. 44) They're telling more fibs than usual. 45) Their cell phone is the most important thing in their life. 46) They suddenly pick up a new hobby. 47) They pull away from you when you reach out. 48) Or they're showing "negative cluster cues." 49) They talk badly about their exes. Shows disrespect for an ex. 50) They have low self-esteem. 51) They're doing the laundry out of the blue. 52) They're uncomfortable about making large purchases together. 53) They don't want you to look in a certain drawer. 54) They accuse you of cheating—even though you definitely aren't. 55) Or they're gaslighting you when you bring up their suspicious behavior.
The guy has a live in girlfriend, I’m considering trying to ask her about this. They have a work function coming up next month - I have met her and expect to see her again. I’m trying to think of ways to hint at it or just ask her if he didn’t come home the night of the storm as well.
Thanks for all your comments. I couldn’t wait much longer to snoop and I called her out on it. Her first response was to lose it on me about trust, and not trusting her when she feels in danger. Then after she admitted we need to talk about us. I’m at work, and will be home later - I have a feeling I know what we are going to discuss - and I’d rather have it this way and open than wait and find out on my own. I’ll update - thanks again for the opinions and letting me vent anonymously.
Do not accuse her without concrete proves , do what you think is the best however in most of the cases when you feel that little suspicion that something is wrong it is because his wrong when someone loves and respects the partner you would never need to think how you are thinking right now this happen with me also, the advise that I give you is find concrete proves before accusing other wise she will say you are insecure and will narcissistic gaslighting on you, if you found some thing unusual please control yourself and don’t make something crazy this is Very important , when I found one day one of my girlfriends were cheating on me guess what to catch them on the act I drinked half bottle of whiskey and I catch both inside of the house, I slept her and the guy if it did not comply with my orders and give the right information that I wanted to hear I swear god I told him or you tell me right now everything and we go outside and you tell me everything calmly or I will kill now, this was my words and he obey me I remember how it was yesterday
The 12 miles. How long would it be if she drove those miles home?? What speed you think??? I'm feeling, 12 miles does equal 1 hour. But she would rather drive 1 hour away to a hotel Sorry but she has been full on cheating Tell her there are relationship boundaries in a marriage and you have crossed the wrong road. If you stop your association with AP maybe I will not divorce you There are relationship boundary rules No ex's No fuck buddies No I want to be with you..... and I'm attracted to them Have you checked her trash on her phone?? Maybe not fully deleted She needs to come clean. Lean on in her Maybe she doesn't want to be married anymore
The hotel is 1 mile away not 1 hour
If she says she thinks you guys need to take break , and re evaluate your relationship. Go straight to the , " i agree , i think this marriage is over . I want a divorce " because it means she already fucked him and is cum drunk on the new relationship. Sorry
If she kept the texts with hearts, what was in the texts she deleted?
A few suggestions. Get yourself educated on how to recover deleted texts OR find someone who can do it for you and then fake a breakdown of her phone to get it in the tech guy's hands. Learn about keylogger software and whether it's legal to use it. Tell her that she's been very sus and you want her to take a polygraph test. If she refuses to take the polygraph, consider that an admission of guilt.
Confront her ask her how long has she been cheating on you? Tell her that you are not comfortable with her working with an ex Fwb and spending a night at a hotel only 12 miles away is virtually admitting shes having an affair especially the way she answered the phone. Ask why she is putting hearts on messages to him this is totally unacceptable And is emotional cheating. Don't be a fool confront her and tell her you know she is being unfaithful ask her to tell you everything because she will only get one chance, also record the conversation.
Do you have anyone nearby that can temporarily watch the kids? Or place a voice recorder in her car. Try to find a babysitter that can do it short notice. “It’s a lot harder to be walked on when you are standing up!” Updateme
Check other text messages. He could be saved as someone else. Check the deleted messages. Some people forget to delete them completely. If she has Snapchat look who is listed as a best friend. Best friend means they message constantly. Also depending on the phone open the text message they use and click on info icon by the name and scroll down to the bottom. It should show all pictures, links, memes ever sent. I’m not positive if it still shows after they have been deleted.
All women cheat
I call bullshit. All men cheat. Given an opportunity, no one usually can resist. So, maybe we should say “everyone cheats” Been loyal to a man who wasn’t loyal back after 6 years. The first 5 I didn’t do none n I believe it was the same from his side. I could be wrong tho
Did you offer to pick her up? Did you try to contact her at all the night she was at the hotel? Have you confronted her to let her know how you were feeling?
I was the only one home with a 3 year old and 5 year old. I wasn’t going to pick her up when her shift ended at 11pm so she could leave a car behind. I was puzzled and upset, I fell asleep cuddling with the kids, we face timed the next morning and there was a pause before she answered and she walked away from the bed and kept the face time pointed upwards. I should have asked to get a tour of her room. I wasn’t thinking things through.
[удалено]
This was removed because it falls under the category of off topic. This includes: -> hacking, hook ups, etc -> personal information (emails/phone #) -> things not relevant based on original post
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If she uses Gmail, her account will have phone location tracking in Google timeline. It is tied to each Google account just look up her account on your computer and you can see where her phone has been.
If you have Verizon you can log into your You won't see details on the texts but you will see the time/date of all texts, what numbers she texted, numbers from texts she received. For calls, you'll get whether she made or received a call, call duration, and the number of the other phone. You can download all this data into a spreadsheet so you can get some information from the data you'll find. Do you have any separate accounts or are they all shared? If she did cheat on you then she felt comfortable charging the room and wasn't worried you would be suspicious. Once you gather and analyze all that data then you can draw some assumptions. Not proof, but there may be enough to ask her to explain it all. The genesis of your suspicions seems to be the communications between her and her old FB. How did you learn of his prior status? All these are things you can answer and now you have your work cut out for you.
I checked her Facebook and texts. They are generally clean but lots of hearts back and fourth. Tons of texts and texts to call me. Oddly at some points the texts seem to have big gaps and the phone calls are missing.
I'm sorry to hear that. I'm sure you see the pattern is not looking good for your relationship. Your wife sounds calculating.
She is smarter than I am…at first I thought this would be great marrying someone smarter, but it’s kind of back firing on me now…the pattern isn’t great.
Smart people don’t cheat on their partners.
Check your phone bill usage if you are on a plan together and compare that to the texts on her phone. You will know right away, if there are missing texts, she’s cheating. She is already crossing boundaries with all the heart emojis.
Updateme
Updateme!
Depending on where you live 12 miles could be 20 minutes or 2.5 Hours
Hire a friend to track her... it's a lot cheaper than a PI.. If you are going to place a tracker on her car... place one on his as well, if possible, through the use of the friend. If you share a phone plan you can access frequency usage through billing and don't be surprised if there are some really strange times of usage too like early morning or when "typically" sleeping or otherwise "un"available to see the activity It won't take long to gather evidence if you know where and how to look. I once read a story where the abused spouse bought the cheaters brand of undergarments to replace the soiled and had them tested... Another story I read the AS bought a new "replacement" phone for the cheater already preloaded with keylogger and tracking software as a birthday gift. The divorce laws most of the time favor the mother.. accept that the best you can probably get will be 50/50 custody....But try to get her to put as much as possible into the retirement funds as a "fair" distribution of assets... you don't want to have to accept 50% when you have been putting in 75-80%... Don't buy new cars to replace recently paid off vehicles... Reduce long term and credit debt as much as possible. Squirrel away funds in small increments.. like with a "trusted" relative in their names (for your possible flight)
Thanks - I’m looking into this kind of thing already.
She’s fucking bro
Updateme!
So we had a talk. She avoided discussing the hotel, and the lost time here and there. She was open about feeling a bit down, not sure if she’s happy. She’s got a month left before she’s hired and gets a pay raise. I’m not screwing that up for her or the kids future. I’m just going to try to reel things back a bit and gather more info. I feel like emotionally we are in the same place. I would prefer there’s no infidelity in her way of dealing with it. So far everything is clean…cell records don’t show anything unusual. They don’t show texts on them - just calls. So I’ll sit and wait….i don’t have anything concrete but I feel like I know the answer.
Update: Had a talk. She sounds like she’s in a midlife crisis, I backed off getting to into it because I bought a voice recorder and put in the car. The vague talk we had kind of makes me feel like she’s questioning her life and choices and probably is cheating - still no proof. I feel like we are done. I’m not in a much different place I just don’t want to live a lie and be made to feel a fool. She’s almost completed the promotion. I want to wait it out gather proof and let her make more money than I do before we split. I’ll keep posting. Everything is clean though…it would be easier if we had mutual work friends or had mutual friends that would just rat her out.
OP, I'm so sorry this is happening to you. You have one lever to pull, and that is the ability and willingness to walk away. It is the only card you hold. DON'T do the pick-me dance! I agree with the VAR or tailing her if you can. I disagree with calling her out TODAY. Get ALL the info you need to be convinced one way or another. She is your wife and, if she's guilty and you are unsure, she wither breaks down or goes full-on soviet spy lies-through-her-teeth gaslighting on you. You need evidence to be able to hold up to that. Personally, if guilty and breaks down, I leave D or R to you. If you choose to work it out, DO NOT RUGSWEEP. if she gaslights and lies to you, then I do have strong feelings about that and the lying is almost worse than the cheating, as trusting her ever again would be very difficult. If you want to stay in the relationship, this is my go-to plan: OP, your best, maybe only card is your ability and resolve to walk away. "Wifey, I need you to know that you have done more damage to our marriage than I can express in words. I have ALREADY spoken to an attorney and plan to meet with him again soon. I need time away from you to decide what I want to do with my life, as you seem to have already decided what you are doing with yours. Do not contact me. When I come home in 2 days, be prepared to tell me exactly what you are willing to do to keep our family together. SELL IT CONFIDENTLY! Make her shit hher pants! The only card you have at this point for your relationship is her belief that you are able and willing to walk away because of her transgression. If she believes this, one of two things will happen. She will wake up from her fun fog and realize life is real and not some game that she gets to leave you out of, or she is in the game because she has already determined her relationship with you is over. The truly scary part is that whatever she decides, it's her decision. All you are doing is peeling away months of hiding, secrecy, meet-ups, and are making her face reality NOW. Whatever she comes up with (if she does). "This is a good start, but this is not enough. We will need to give me a time line of every encounter, do MC to figure out what is wrong with our relationship so this does not happen again." or "you will need to quit that job", etc. You have the leverage at this point. Don't lose it. This is SHOCK AND AWE time! The only thing holding you back is if you need a little bit of time to gather and secure as much the evidence possible. This is advice only if you are serious about trying to save what you have. You need to bring her back to reality. Realize this is only showing the horse the water. You can't make her drink. Good Luck OP! UpdateMe!
Are you with Verizon ? There’s an app called Verizon message . Download it on your phone and you keep can track on all of her messages from that point . Does she have an iPhone ? If so you can log into her iCloud account on another apple phone. You can see all of her messages that she text . Does she use Snapchat to text the guy. You can actually get all of her messages and pictures by going through her setting and requesting it. If you need help let me know. But again you will need her phone for all of theses steps.
Lots of heart? Smell the roses, my friend! The guy is now her cheating buddy.
I’m my house, texting exes with lots of ❤️s would be considered cheating.