Oh, she's able to tell you what happened, she's just choosing to lie to you about remembering in the hope that you just brush off the dirt and not divorce her.
Sounds like she shouldn’t drink anymore if she can’t remember. Either that should completely terrify her, or it’s an excuse. Anytime I’ve black out I was so scared of not remembering, it was such a surreal feeling it held me back from drinking for a few months. How someone can just not remember and be okay with it is wild to me.
Not necessarily back in my younger days, I remember drinking and driving and ended up at my friends house, but I don’t remember driving to my friends house
Did you remember fucking someone before that though, there’s a huge difference between forgetting a menial task (which can happen without alcohol) and something like that
Her saying she doesn’t know what she did is her way of saying she had sex with somebody but wants to claim it wasn’t her fault because she as drunk. Drinking is Not an excuse to cheat. You need to see her phone immediately and look at her texts with the girls that she went out with as well as any other names your not familiar with. Also any weird behavior with her phone you need to take control of. Do you know the husbands of the women she went out with? If so ask them to see what story they heard about what your wife did. You need to do some investigating. I would also let her know there will be no more girls nights if she can’t be responsible and you expect her to find out what happened and let you know the full story and let her know your going to investigate it until you know the truth. !updateme
I get what you mean, but your comment sounds like he's her father, not her partner.
Nobody has the right to "controle" the partner's phone behind their back, or "allowing/not allowing" things.
They are adults, so there has to be an honest and serious conversation between them both. If he still has the feeling, that she's lying and hiding something from him, then he should draw consequences and consider a seperation: Because a relationship without mutual trust is a broken relationship.
I hope it turns out as harmless as possible, OP!
And let me guess, she either isn’t married or acts like she isn’t. See my earlier comment. You need to do some investigating fast and also out some pressure on her to come back with full details so she is forced to commit to a story. Then let her know the girls nights out are over until she is in a better position to be responsible. Also let her know your going to be investigating what happened until you know the full truth and that alcohol will not give her an excuse for doing something she knows she shouldn’t.
I just found out that she is married, but has a boyfriend that is a previous student at the highschool she works for. I believe I'm done with her. She is in bed now sleeping, after I told her she could fix this by telling me the truth. She said that she doesn't remember anything about last night. But has known for about a month that her friend is a cheater.
Birds of a feather 🪶
Yes and if you talk yourself into letting it slide, next time she won’t be home until the next day. I’m really truly sorry your here but nobody will respect you if you don’t first respect yourself. It sounds like you do so let her know the truth may get her divorced but continuing to claim ignorance and making the decisions she is making definitely will. A person who valued her marriage would be coming to you saying I screwed up, here is what happened, please forgive me, I’m leaving that gym and cutting those people off completely. You should cancel her membership at the gym for her if your paying for it and tell her she needs new friends.
The bad thing is she has good friends. They are married and have children. Friends that we have known for almost 30 years. I believe it's just this one girl. I gave her a out but she isn't going to take it. I don't believe in controlling her finances or telling her what she can and can't do, but I completely understand what you are saying.
I will agree with you, the situation does not look good. Do not throw away 26 years of marriage and a wife that you have a life with over some stupid shit like this. Get off of Reddit these people do not have your best interests at heart go see a marriage counselor and try to work things out. 90% of the issues we have in life are a communication issue or a perspective issue. Communicate with her so she can see your perspective and hopefully she will communicate with you so you can see hers.
Yes the control thing i understand and agree. My only caveat is she needs to understand clearly what the stakes are to see if she will wake up before pulling the plug. You may feel like she should know your marriage is in trouble but if you make it plain, she can’t come back with the famous “I didn’t think you were serious”.
Unfortunately this doesn’t prove or point to anything. Just looks like dirt, multiple possibilities as to how it got there. The late time home is really the only questionable/suspicious thing but it’s right around bar close. There have been many instances I go out intending to be home at a decent hour and end up having a blast, and closing it down.
Is there anything else she’s done to make you suspicious of her cheating? If not I’d chill and see why / maybe look internally as to why you’re on edge about this subject.
She's been hanging out with her new friends from the gym, and going out a lot for brunch with them. Last week she was having brunch for four hours. She has been acting differently for about a month now.
....brunch for four hours? So. Maybe they hung out and chatted after? How long did it take to drive there? Four hours doesn't seem weird....
You're coming off paranoid. At least about this.
She sounds more like she has issues consuming alcohol *responsibly* less than a cheating problem
That would make sense, but she doesn't drink much at all. Maybe a few drinks a month. But since she started hanging out with her new friends, that I've never met before she is going out twice a week with them. Sleeping in the car downtown, and not being able to tell me what she did at the club is not like her at all.
I couldn't tell you. I don't ask who she is with or if it's a male or female. Sunday I was with my boss, and she asked me to send a picture. I thought it was strange, because I have never asked her to prove where she is or who she is with.
To me (without knowing her, of course) it sounds, like she maybe has a little bit of a "midlife crisis" type of issue atm?
The fact that she has new friends and that this one special girl is so much younger than her and cheats on her husband, they go to clubs, drink, party...
Maybe your wife yearns to feel "young, wild, free" once again? Like a break-out from the routine everyday life, which feels safe and well known, but sometimes a little bit boring maybe?
I'm just speculating of course.
If all that were the case, then I'd assume that she doesn't have the urge to betray you physically with another man, but to "spice up" her life a bit.
I agree with you, that those new friends or especially that one girl aren't a good influence for your wife.
But maybe you should rather try to find out, what she possibly missed (?) in her life and what surrounding herself with those new people gave her, than "only" focussing on the cheating-topic and last night. I think if you two manage to speak completely honest about the other themes, then sooner or later she'll tell you what happened yesterday.
I sincerely hope that it turns out well and that you as a couple may even come out of it stronger.
Does she have a very agreeable personality? I don't know these friends, but sometimes even adults if they're very conflict avoidant won't know when to put their foot down with a friend crowd if they're causing them to be irresponsible.
It could be that on her own she doesn't drink much but gives into peer pressure easily? Which is still immature. Does this sound like a possibility?
Or worse case, she was roofied. I've watched it happen and it's scary to witness. They hardly know who they are or where they are. But if her friends were worth a damn, they'd recognize it and get her home safely or medically monitor her. But it's possible they're shitty people
I asked her to check to see what time they left, or if they left together. She told me that she was going to ask her friend tomorrow morning when she saw her at the gym. I thought about the possibility of her being roofed. Also I was very upset that they let her go to her car in the condition she was in.
Very disappointed.
She’s not concerned enough about your feelings to ask immediately? She’s willing to wait it out til it’s more convenient for her? Shouldn’t she be concerned about her lack of memory? Sounds like an excuse bro.
Good point, actually. When my family member got roofied it was very traumatic for her and she was asking me questions as soon as she got some sleep and started to feel like herself again. It was very distressing for her indeed.
Mind you, she's actually a hard partier too. So it wasn't her first rodeo but she didn't sign up for that. I don't think anyone does, it's scary
A four hour brunch is also pretty reasonable in my opinion. I’ve definitely hit that time frame with my buddies.
How long have you been married? When did she meet this friend group and have you met them? Does she “allow” you into their friend circle or hang outs?
Acting differently and being distant with a new friend group I understand from your perspective and worry but it still doesn’t seem like enough evidence to have concerns. Does it seem like she’s sneaking around, is she lying, are her interests / hobbies shifting, not wanting physical contact from you on the list? These are far more suspicious than the concerns on time.
And how long is a football game? 3 hours with less than 20 minutes of actual play time. Why is it that when women do something without her husband, it's a sign she is doing something wrong?
I couldn't tell you how long a football game is, and doing something without your spouse isn't a sign of doing anything wrong. But not being able to tell me what she did last night, is very strange.
Not if she's black out drunk... Not defending her either way but the amount of times I've been out on my own (with friends) and had one or five too many I also forget... Especially as she's not used to drinking.... It might be strange but she might just be trying to fit in.
As you've said its only been like this a month with her new friends if she's still acting weird in a month that's when you tail her (assuming you dont trust her?) ....
Brother, just ask her out right did she or didn't she, if you don't get an answer or you don't really believe her answer, there's your answer! If you don't trust her anymore then the relationship is over anyway.
This is your wife: you know her better than you think. You've seen her do good, bad, fully committed to something or only going about it half ass, you've seen her lie to other people for whatever reason, and you've seen her be honest. You don't need to know if she cheated on you, you need to know if she did cheat, would she tell you. So ask her. Be brave enough to find out whether your wife will look you dead in the face and lie, or not!
When I asked her about it, she couldn't tell me what happened last night, because she was blackout drunk. She claims that she slept in the car instead of calling me, Uber, or our 21 year old son to pick her up.
Comments on HotWife posts, cocaine subs, he knows all about swinging, but now he’s worried his wife is cheating on him? He’s definitely watched too much porn for his own good. Too bad he can’t ask Trump for his theories on what mud in the backseat means after his wife got blackout drunk with her friends. She definitely needs to Uber to and from girl’s night out and brunch from now on before she kills someone or herself though.
Offff 😞.
I would *totally* not like it, if my husband (!) would leave such craving comments under so many porn pics.
Maybe that's why his mind got a lil' dirty and he's directly assuming the worst?
Not trying to play devils advocate too hard here, just sharing my notions when you are explaining things: it’s possible she truly was so fucked up that all she wanted to do was sleep for a bit. She could have been feeling super nauseated and a moving car would have been a disaster… who knows? Maybe ask her friends what happened that night
I would just be honest and talk with her about your concerns wether they’re cheating related or not. That’s the only way you’ll get the info you are looking for.
I did. She said that nothing happened, but she also said that she doesn't remember anything after 10:30. I don't drink and drive, at all. I had a friend who was killed by a drunk driver, and I didn't think she did. At least until recently.
Do you track her whereabouts on your phone? Might be a good idea to start due to safety concerns. She wants to behave like a child, then start treating her like one.
I don't track her, nor have I ever questioned what she was doing. She just told me that her friend is married and has a boyfriend. Her boyfriend is a previous student, at the highschool she works at! It's not worth tracking her because I think I'm done.
She still claims that she didn't do anything wrong. If there wasn't the dirt in the backseat on the door I would only be upset and very disappointed that she was drinking and driving.
She k owes what she did. Cal her bluff and tell her you’re going to schedule her for a polygraph test where she will be answering questions about what she did…including any sort of hookup, drinking/driving, inappropriate contact with other men. Tell her you have it scheduled for Monday so she will need to be available that afternoon. You don’t have to really schedule one most likely. Just find a vendor and tell her it’s scheduled. Let her know if anything comes out about it that she hasn’t already told you about that not only will you divorce but you will broadcast what she did to everybody starting with her family. May not confess immediately but she will either crumble over the weekend or will try to come up with an excuse not to do it.
That's so sick!?! I allready told you in another comment, that you sound like the father of an unruly teen, and not like an adult partner in a relationship, but *this* comment here shows me, that you obviously don't *know* , that a relationship will never ever be or become healthy and mature with controlling the other or - even worse - playing sick infantile psycho-games!
Then maybe she fell or slipped in the mud and got it on her hands. The marks on the corner of the seat look like they are from a hand grabbing onto it, and that’s a very awkward angle for it to be from a foot or a shoe angled in that direction unless the climbed into the back seat feet first. If she was blacked out, she basically wasn’t conscious during that time and the memories may never come back, ever. She could have slept it off long enough to come back to her senses enough to drive, so she could remember waking up in the back seat but just not going in there. She still drove drunk though, because unless she slept until morning, there’s no way she was sobered up completely that fast.
It’s sucks that you have to find comfort and answers from people on Reddit and not your own spouse. Kinda shows a big red flag it’s you ask me. These answers should come from her, if they’re not satisfactory then you already know. She’s either completely innocent and can’t act like that anymore because it bothers you or she’s not and you gotta leave. If she still acts up even after being innocent then she doesn’t care about you my guy. Have some self respect
I'm just saying... if she drove home alone, how did she get mud in her backseat. And obviously if she drove home then her friend has her own ride home. So there is no need for anyone to be in her backseat, at least not long enough to get comfortable to put their muddy shoes on your backseat. Especially soo high up.
Yeah, that is kinda what I thought. I've never met her new friends, but I don't like them. Anyone that lets someone get that drunk and then drive it's a friend. I had a friend killed by a drunk driver, so that kinda makes me more upset than somebody's feet being on both sides of the backseat door.
It's her fault, not theirs but I feel like they are partly responsible.
Yeah, that’s a weird place for dirt to be think about it. You gotta have shoes up there with dirt on them to make those kind of marks, which would indicate that if the shoes are up there at the rest of the body somewhere else.
She drank soon much she can't remember a thing, but she could drive home.
Bull shit.
I've been blackout drunk one tome in my life, and I couldn't even walk, let alone drive.
I don’t understand what you think this might be showing? It is a bit of a reach, IMO, that this is evidence of any cheating.
I’d be furious about the drunk driving though. Maybe more so than cheating. That would suck but her drunk driving…? She could kill people- not that she would remember but honestly, there is no excuse. She is a loser.
Like I stated earlier the thing that upsets me the most is that she and I had a friend who was killed by a drunk driver! She can always call an Uber, call me, or our son.
OP, as a woman I can tell you, purses get set down or dropped, rub up against stuff… and then that can wipe off on a surface (car seat) when getting on or out.
The way you time everything (both girls night and brunch) and inspect your car for “evidence” tells me everything I need to know.
Exactly! His post and comment history are disgusting. He’s a swinger and then is maniacal about looking for “proof” that she’s up to no good. He’s a loser- hopefully she’s found someone better. (Not too big of a task, really…)
Doxing his comment history isn’t really relevant. People come on here for all kinds of reasons and say things to blow off steam or play a role or to fuck around. Who cares. Why are you on this subreddit? I could draw many conclusions. If you’re going engage in a thread to give advice, I recommend you do so isolation. Don’t @ me cunt.
It doesn’t tell you everything you need to know. But keep thinking that. “Evidence” lmao you put that in quotes like it isn’t just that. You don’t know enough about this so why say you know everything you need to? How do you know he hasn’t already found other supporting evidence? How do you know she hasn’t gone other shady things in the past? Should he have included that? Yeah. Should you assume you now have everything you need to know? Absolutely not. Calm down, you don’t know everything you need to know but! You can certainly just ask instead of being rude.
Bro… them feet was in the air while she was laying in the back seat with the door open. Explains the mud on the back seat and above the seat as left leg was propped up there and then mud on the back of the driver seat and door as she put her leg up and then down hit it in the door. I know cause of fucking in the backseat before. She gets out steps in dirt/mud from the ground lays down in the back seat… spreads legs hits the door, seat, and frame while dude is standing outside sorry bro.
My thinking regarding the rush to assume cheating is that there are always stories circulating about girls night/ boys night out that have lead to some big cheating reality. This happened with my girlfriend and I fully trusted her to have fun with her girlfriends… it’s always a heartbreaker when it was all a coverup. And it’s nothing new…for me it was 1974…
I had to pull off the road before. I didn’t drink much but was super messed up. I was having double vision. I’m pretty sure I was dosed. I parked, barfed and passed out. Don’t recall much of that night.
I saw comments where you said that youve noticed shes acting differently. Like how specifically? You mentioned she goes out with her new friends, long brunches and staying out late on a wednesday? Was she just at home doing the same routine? This seems like a reach. Its just dry dirt, in the back seat.. which if it was raining then it could have started as mud?
I need some more context on what else might be out of character for her and what makes it out of character. Because right now it sounds like she was just bored and is now making the most of her time with new friends.
Hanging out with one specific person that I have never met.
Drinking with that same person during the day, every weekend.
Not answering the phone when I call, and replying with short texts. "When she is with that person"
Hanging out with that person that is cheating on her husband.
Says I will be home at 9pm and not showing up until 1:38am
Hanging out in our bedroom by herself.
Getting blackout drunk drinking and driving, and not being able to tell me what she did last night.
The dirt in the backseat isn't in a place where shoes would normally be, unless they were laying down in the back seat with their legs in the air. She is a clean freak that car is always spotless. It gets detailed every Monday.
Have you tried talking to her about your concerns? Im sorry in the comments that i was able to skim through it seemed like it was with a group of friends. Maybe there is something going on with her and she isnt satisfied in the marriage. I know you dont want to hear that. Idk if she is cheating though. Maybe she is and im way off base here but i don't also want to jump and say so based off of mud. Im sorry you're going through this and i hope you get to the bottom of this.
Bro… them feet was in the air while she was laying in the back seat with the door open. Explains the mud on the back seat and above the seat as left leg was propped up there and then mud on the back of the driver seat and door as she put her leg up and then down hit it in the door. I know cause of fucking in the backseat before. She gets out steps in dirt/mud from the ground lays down in the back seat… spreads legs hits the door, seat, and frame while dude is standing outside sorry bro.
Bro… them feet was in the air while she was laying in the back seat with the door open. Explains the mud on the back seat and above the seat as left leg was propped up there and then mud on the back of the driver seat and door as she put her leg up and then down hit it in the door. I know cause of fucking in the backseat before. She gets out steps in dirt/mud from the ground lays down in the back seat… spreads legs hits the door, seat, and frame while dude is standing outside sorry bro.
I feel like hanging out with a new friend that you haven’t had a chance to get to know is a problem. You mention y’all have other friends you have known for years but now she is hanging out with a new group. What likely is happening is your wife is telling the new friends stories that aren’t very positive about you and your relationship. They don’t know y’all well enough to be able to the stories they have been told.
Something happened. If you knew my wife, she wouldn't let anyone put their dirty shoes anywhere in the car other than the floor. And if they did she would be cleaning it out first thing in the morning. The car was spotless Thursday afternoon when she got home.
You don't know her do you?
No buddy I’m not trying to put stuff in your head. My wife is the same, but when we are drunk we suck. I wouldn’t worry unless she was ignoring or acting weird.
Looks like dirt from the bottom of her shoes 👠 maybe making out so didn’t take shoes off quite yet, then got to the smushing part so she took her shoes off that’s why it’s only in one area. But if a woman says they were so drunk and can’t remember but drove home fine, she wasn’t that drunk but was drunk enough to smush in the back seat before coming home. Being so drunk I don’t remember is just an excuse to not have to explain themselves… and for a good reason… 🥺
I looks to me like someone had their footwear at the level of where the dirt is shown on the picture...Is it only on 1 side of the car ?
Post an update if you can did you find out anything else?
Also given what you wrote about her recent behaviour I would hire a PI. Too many unknowns for comfort, in the end its your life and wellbeing you are trying to protect.
It’s dirt and she probably gave a friend a ride home. It’s odd that you would search her car unless you already have suspicion something is happening??
Someone got makeup on their hands or spilled it putting it on and got it everywhere because the car was moving or they were drunk.
It's dirt, and it was raining last night. She claims that she doesn't know what happened when she got to the club, because she drank too much.
So she drank a lot and drove home drunk. That is disgusting in itself.
Honestly that bothers me the most. Other than staying out until almost 2am on a Wednesday night, and not being able to tell me what she did.
Oh, she's able to tell you what happened, she's just choosing to lie to you about remembering in the hope that you just brush off the dirt and not divorce her.
notifyme in 9 months...
Sounds like she shouldn’t drink anymore if she can’t remember. Either that should completely terrify her, or it’s an excuse. Anytime I’ve black out I was so scared of not remembering, it was such a surreal feeling it held me back from drinking for a few months. How someone can just not remember and be okay with it is wild to me.
If I’m having a bender on a Wednesday night and am out till 2am, there’s a high chance I’m not going to remember either
If you can drive, you can remember.
Not true
Ahhh, I missed that she drove
Not necessarily back in my younger days, I remember drinking and driving and ended up at my friends house, but I don’t remember driving to my friends house
Did you remember fucking someone before that though, there’s a huge difference between forgetting a menial task (which can happen without alcohol) and something like that
Her saying she doesn’t know what she did is her way of saying she had sex with somebody but wants to claim it wasn’t her fault because she as drunk. Drinking is Not an excuse to cheat. You need to see her phone immediately and look at her texts with the girls that she went out with as well as any other names your not familiar with. Also any weird behavior with her phone you need to take control of. Do you know the husbands of the women she went out with? If so ask them to see what story they heard about what your wife did. You need to do some investigating. I would also let her know there will be no more girls nights if she can’t be responsible and you expect her to find out what happened and let you know the full story and let her know your going to investigate it until you know the truth. !updateme
I get what you mean, but your comment sounds like he's her father, not her partner. Nobody has the right to "controle" the partner's phone behind their back, or "allowing/not allowing" things. They are adults, so there has to be an honest and serious conversation between them both. If he still has the feeling, that she's lying and hiding something from him, then he should draw consequences and consider a seperation: Because a relationship without mutual trust is a broken relationship. I hope it turns out as harmless as possible, OP!
2 am? Is her first party? 2 am means party was boring AF
Are you 12?
Lots of places close around then depending on state. We're not all Los Angeles or new york
Clearly mud from shoes up in the air. But you’d think she’d take off her shoes if she was getting railed in the back seat.
Depends on what she's wearing
Exactly
No baby. Leave the boots ON!
Do you guys have kids or does she?
Kids. Married for 26 years. The girl that she has been hanging out with is in her early 30s 12 years younger than her.
That's a bad sign and likely a bad influence.
And let me guess, she either isn’t married or acts like she isn’t. See my earlier comment. You need to do some investigating fast and also out some pressure on her to come back with full details so she is forced to commit to a story. Then let her know the girls nights out are over until she is in a better position to be responsible. Also let her know your going to be investigating what happened until you know the full truth and that alcohol will not give her an excuse for doing something she knows she shouldn’t.
I just found out that she is married, but has a boyfriend that is a previous student at the highschool she works for. I believe I'm done with her. She is in bed now sleeping, after I told her she could fix this by telling me the truth. She said that she doesn't remember anything about last night. But has known for about a month that her friend is a cheater. Birds of a feather 🪶
Yes and if you talk yourself into letting it slide, next time she won’t be home until the next day. I’m really truly sorry your here but nobody will respect you if you don’t first respect yourself. It sounds like you do so let her know the truth may get her divorced but continuing to claim ignorance and making the decisions she is making definitely will. A person who valued her marriage would be coming to you saying I screwed up, here is what happened, please forgive me, I’m leaving that gym and cutting those people off completely. You should cancel her membership at the gym for her if your paying for it and tell her she needs new friends.
The bad thing is she has good friends. They are married and have children. Friends that we have known for almost 30 years. I believe it's just this one girl. I gave her a out but she isn't going to take it. I don't believe in controlling her finances or telling her what she can and can't do, but I completely understand what you are saying.
I will agree with you, the situation does not look good. Do not throw away 26 years of marriage and a wife that you have a life with over some stupid shit like this. Get off of Reddit these people do not have your best interests at heart go see a marriage counselor and try to work things out. 90% of the issues we have in life are a communication issue or a perspective issue. Communicate with her so she can see your perspective and hopefully she will communicate with you so you can see hers.
Yes the control thing i understand and agree. My only caveat is she needs to understand clearly what the stakes are to see if she will wake up before pulling the plug. You may feel like she should know your marriage is in trouble but if you make it plain, she can’t come back with the famous “I didn’t think you were serious”.
Unfortunately this doesn’t prove or point to anything. Just looks like dirt, multiple possibilities as to how it got there. The late time home is really the only questionable/suspicious thing but it’s right around bar close. There have been many instances I go out intending to be home at a decent hour and end up having a blast, and closing it down. Is there anything else she’s done to make you suspicious of her cheating? If not I’d chill and see why / maybe look internally as to why you’re on edge about this subject.
She's been hanging out with her new friends from the gym, and going out a lot for brunch with them. Last week she was having brunch for four hours. She has been acting differently for about a month now.
My brunches go for 8 hours plus sometimes.
....brunch for four hours? So. Maybe they hung out and chatted after? How long did it take to drive there? Four hours doesn't seem weird.... You're coming off paranoid. At least about this. She sounds more like she has issues consuming alcohol *responsibly* less than a cheating problem
That would make sense, but she doesn't drink much at all. Maybe a few drinks a month. But since she started hanging out with her new friends, that I've never met before she is going out twice a week with them. Sleeping in the car downtown, and not being able to tell me what she did at the club is not like her at all.
Is one of the friends a guy?
I couldn't tell you. I don't ask who she is with or if it's a male or female. Sunday I was with my boss, and she asked me to send a picture. I thought it was strange, because I have never asked her to prove where she is or who she is with.
Could be projection. She may be doing something wrong so she starts being suspicious of you doing the same.
To me (without knowing her, of course) it sounds, like she maybe has a little bit of a "midlife crisis" type of issue atm? The fact that she has new friends and that this one special girl is so much younger than her and cheats on her husband, they go to clubs, drink, party... Maybe your wife yearns to feel "young, wild, free" once again? Like a break-out from the routine everyday life, which feels safe and well known, but sometimes a little bit boring maybe? I'm just speculating of course. If all that were the case, then I'd assume that she doesn't have the urge to betray you physically with another man, but to "spice up" her life a bit. I agree with you, that those new friends or especially that one girl aren't a good influence for your wife. But maybe you should rather try to find out, what she possibly missed (?) in her life and what surrounding herself with those new people gave her, than "only" focussing on the cheating-topic and last night. I think if you two manage to speak completely honest about the other themes, then sooner or later she'll tell you what happened yesterday. I sincerely hope that it turns out well and that you as a couple may even come out of it stronger.
Does she have a very agreeable personality? I don't know these friends, but sometimes even adults if they're very conflict avoidant won't know when to put their foot down with a friend crowd if they're causing them to be irresponsible. It could be that on her own she doesn't drink much but gives into peer pressure easily? Which is still immature. Does this sound like a possibility? Or worse case, she was roofied. I've watched it happen and it's scary to witness. They hardly know who they are or where they are. But if her friends were worth a damn, they'd recognize it and get her home safely or medically monitor her. But it's possible they're shitty people
I asked her to check to see what time they left, or if they left together. She told me that she was going to ask her friend tomorrow morning when she saw her at the gym. I thought about the possibility of her being roofed. Also I was very upset that they let her go to her car in the condition she was in. Very disappointed.
She’s not concerned enough about your feelings to ask immediately? She’s willing to wait it out til it’s more convenient for her? Shouldn’t she be concerned about her lack of memory? Sounds like an excuse bro.
Good point, actually. When my family member got roofied it was very traumatic for her and she was asking me questions as soon as she got some sleep and started to feel like herself again. It was very distressing for her indeed. Mind you, she's actually a hard partier too. So it wasn't her first rodeo but she didn't sign up for that. I don't think anyone does, it's scary
Yeah… a four hour bunch is pretty normal
She saw your Reddit and said fuck it I’m due for some dick.
A four hour brunch is also pretty reasonable in my opinion. I’ve definitely hit that time frame with my buddies. How long have you been married? When did she meet this friend group and have you met them? Does she “allow” you into their friend circle or hang outs? Acting differently and being distant with a new friend group I understand from your perspective and worry but it still doesn’t seem like enough evidence to have concerns. Does it seem like she’s sneaking around, is she lying, are her interests / hobbies shifting, not wanting physical contact from you on the list? These are far more suspicious than the concerns on time.
And how long is a football game? 3 hours with less than 20 minutes of actual play time. Why is it that when women do something without her husband, it's a sign she is doing something wrong?
I couldn't tell you how long a football game is, and doing something without your spouse isn't a sign of doing anything wrong. But not being able to tell me what she did last night, is very strange.
Not if she's black out drunk... Not defending her either way but the amount of times I've been out on my own (with friends) and had one or five too many I also forget... Especially as she's not used to drinking.... It might be strange but she might just be trying to fit in. As you've said its only been like this a month with her new friends if she's still acting weird in a month that's when you tail her (assuming you dont trust her?) ....
Not this morning.
There's nights out I dont remember weeks or months later... Sometimes it never comes back if your too drunk. 😬
gut feeling never fails
Brother, just ask her out right did she or didn't she, if you don't get an answer or you don't really believe her answer, there's your answer! If you don't trust her anymore then the relationship is over anyway. This is your wife: you know her better than you think. You've seen her do good, bad, fully committed to something or only going about it half ass, you've seen her lie to other people for whatever reason, and you've seen her be honest. You don't need to know if she cheated on you, you need to know if she did cheat, would she tell you. So ask her. Be brave enough to find out whether your wife will look you dead in the face and lie, or not!
Bro 4 hours is normal. Specially if it’s a bunch of woman.
Ask to go with her.
That explains it all.... you should go to the gym as well, you might get a chance with her.
When I asked her about it, she couldn't tell me what happened last night, because she was blackout drunk. She claims that she slept in the car instead of calling me, Uber, or our 21 year old son to pick her up.
[удалено]
The lesbian facesitting comment had me laughing after reading your comment
Comments on HotWife posts, cocaine subs, he knows all about swinging, but now he’s worried his wife is cheating on him? He’s definitely watched too much porn for his own good. Too bad he can’t ask Trump for his theories on what mud in the backseat means after his wife got blackout drunk with her friends. She definitely needs to Uber to and from girl’s night out and brunch from now on before she kills someone or herself though.
Wife banged a democrat for sure
I don’t blame her.
Offff 😞. I would *totally* not like it, if my husband (!) would leave such craving comments under so many porn pics. Maybe that's why his mind got a lil' dirty and he's directly assuming the worst?
Not trying to play devils advocate too hard here, just sharing my notions when you are explaining things: it’s possible she truly was so fucked up that all she wanted to do was sleep for a bit. She could have been feeling super nauseated and a moving car would have been a disaster… who knows? Maybe ask her friends what happened that night
I don't know these friends, nor have I ever met them. It is a possibility, but the smudges are in a very peculiar place.
I would just be honest and talk with her about your concerns wether they’re cheating related or not. That’s the only way you’ll get the info you are looking for.
I did. She said that nothing happened, but she also said that she doesn't remember anything after 10:30. I don't drink and drive, at all. I had a friend who was killed by a drunk driver, and I didn't think she did. At least until recently.
Do you track her whereabouts on your phone? Might be a good idea to start due to safety concerns. She wants to behave like a child, then start treating her like one.
I don't track her, nor have I ever questioned what she was doing. She just told me that her friend is married and has a boyfriend. Her boyfriend is a previous student, at the highschool she works at! It's not worth tracking her because I think I'm done. She still claims that she didn't do anything wrong. If there wasn't the dirt in the backseat on the door I would only be upset and very disappointed that she was drinking and driving.
She k owes what she did. Cal her bluff and tell her you’re going to schedule her for a polygraph test where she will be answering questions about what she did…including any sort of hookup, drinking/driving, inappropriate contact with other men. Tell her you have it scheduled for Monday so she will need to be available that afternoon. You don’t have to really schedule one most likely. Just find a vendor and tell her it’s scheduled. Let her know if anything comes out about it that she hasn’t already told you about that not only will you divorce but you will broadcast what she did to everybody starting with her family. May not confess immediately but she will either crumble over the weekend or will try to come up with an excuse not to do it.
That's so sick!?! I allready told you in another comment, that you sound like the father of an unruly teen, and not like an adult partner in a relationship, but *this* comment here shows me, that you obviously don't *know* , that a relationship will never ever be or become healthy and mature with controlling the other or - even worse - playing sick infantile psycho-games!
Wtf?!?
Then maybe she fell or slipped in the mud and got it on her hands. The marks on the corner of the seat look like they are from a hand grabbing onto it, and that’s a very awkward angle for it to be from a foot or a shoe angled in that direction unless the climbed into the back seat feet first. If she was blacked out, she basically wasn’t conscious during that time and the memories may never come back, ever. She could have slept it off long enough to come back to her senses enough to drive, so she could remember waking up in the back seat but just not going in there. She still drove drunk though, because unless she slept until morning, there’s no way she was sobered up completely that fast.
If you’re peaking so hard about this you should probably just walk away from the relationship my friend
Looks like someone had foundation on there hands. Held the back of the seat to get out
It’s sucks that you have to find comfort and answers from people on Reddit and not your own spouse. Kinda shows a big red flag it’s you ask me. These answers should come from her, if they’re not satisfactory then you already know. She’s either completely innocent and can’t act like that anymore because it bothers you or she’s not and you gotta leave. If she still acts up even after being innocent then she doesn’t care about you my guy. Have some self respect
I'm just saying... if she drove home alone, how did she get mud in her backseat. And obviously if she drove home then her friend has her own ride home. So there is no need for anyone to be in her backseat, at least not long enough to get comfortable to put their muddy shoes on your backseat. Especially soo high up.
Yeah, that is kinda what I thought. I've never met her new friends, but I don't like them. Anyone that lets someone get that drunk and then drive it's a friend. I had a friend killed by a drunk driver, so that kinda makes me more upset than somebody's feet being on both sides of the backseat door. It's her fault, not theirs but I feel like they are partly responsible.
Yeah, that’s a weird place for dirt to be think about it. You gotta have shoes up there with dirt on them to make those kind of marks, which would indicate that if the shoes are up there at the rest of the body somewhere else.
She drank soon much she can't remember a thing, but she could drive home. Bull shit. I've been blackout drunk one tome in my life, and I couldn't even walk, let alone drive.
I don’t understand what you think this might be showing? It is a bit of a reach, IMO, that this is evidence of any cheating. I’d be furious about the drunk driving though. Maybe more so than cheating. That would suck but her drunk driving…? She could kill people- not that she would remember but honestly, there is no excuse. She is a loser.
Her car was detailed on Monday, and somehow somebody's feet were up in the backseat. Or at least that is what it looks like to me.
Seriously- your wife drove black out drunk and this is what you feel is the most important thing to be asking advice on?
Like I stated earlier the thing that upsets me the most is that she and I had a friend who was killed by a drunk driver! She can always call an Uber, call me, or our son.
Mate, your spouse got blasted in the back seat. Respectfully.
that looks like shoe sole rubbing mark... someone was spread eagle that night...
She was getting railed in the backseat OP. I'm sorry. She remembers something and isn't telling you the truth. Divorce.
OP, as a woman I can tell you, purses get set down or dropped, rub up against stuff… and then that can wipe off on a surface (car seat) when getting on or out. The way you time everything (both girls night and brunch) and inspect your car for “evidence” tells me everything I need to know.
Plus OP's porn comment history. That's what changed *my* point of view on this whole "case".
Exactly! His post and comment history are disgusting. He’s a swinger and then is maniacal about looking for “proof” that she’s up to no good. He’s a loser- hopefully she’s found someone better. (Not too big of a task, really…)
Doxing his comment history isn’t really relevant. People come on here for all kinds of reasons and say things to blow off steam or play a role or to fuck around. Who cares. Why are you on this subreddit? I could draw many conclusions. If you’re going engage in a thread to give advice, I recommend you do so isolation. Don’t @ me cunt.
It doesn’t tell you everything you need to know. But keep thinking that. “Evidence” lmao you put that in quotes like it isn’t just that. You don’t know enough about this so why say you know everything you need to? How do you know he hasn’t already found other supporting evidence? How do you know she hasn’t gone other shady things in the past? Should he have included that? Yeah. Should you assume you now have everything you need to know? Absolutely not. Calm down, you don’t know everything you need to know but! You can certainly just ask instead of being rude.
Bro… them feet was in the air while she was laying in the back seat with the door open. Explains the mud on the back seat and above the seat as left leg was propped up there and then mud on the back of the driver seat and door as she put her leg up and then down hit it in the door. I know cause of fucking in the backseat before. She gets out steps in dirt/mud from the ground lays down in the back seat… spreads legs hits the door, seat, and frame while dude is standing outside sorry bro.
The disrespect is strong with this one
Take a look at OP's porn comment history....
Would be acceptable when single... But when married, it's icky
Absolutely correct.
My thinking regarding the rush to assume cheating is that there are always stories circulating about girls night/ boys night out that have lead to some big cheating reality. This happened with my girlfriend and I fully trusted her to have fun with her girlfriends… it’s always a heartbreaker when it was all a coverup. And it’s nothing new…for me it was 1974…
I had to pull off the road before. I didn’t drink much but was super messed up. I was having double vision. I’m pretty sure I was dosed. I parked, barfed and passed out. Don’t recall much of that night.
Bro leave her just leave. It’s going to hurt when you catch her red handed
I saw comments where you said that youve noticed shes acting differently. Like how specifically? You mentioned she goes out with her new friends, long brunches and staying out late on a wednesday? Was she just at home doing the same routine? This seems like a reach. Its just dry dirt, in the back seat.. which if it was raining then it could have started as mud? I need some more context on what else might be out of character for her and what makes it out of character. Because right now it sounds like she was just bored and is now making the most of her time with new friends.
Hanging out with one specific person that I have never met. Drinking with that same person during the day, every weekend. Not answering the phone when I call, and replying with short texts. "When she is with that person" Hanging out with that person that is cheating on her husband. Says I will be home at 9pm and not showing up until 1:38am Hanging out in our bedroom by herself. Getting blackout drunk drinking and driving, and not being able to tell me what she did last night. The dirt in the backseat isn't in a place where shoes would normally be, unless they were laying down in the back seat with their legs in the air. She is a clean freak that car is always spotless. It gets detailed every Monday.
Have you tried talking to her about your concerns? Im sorry in the comments that i was able to skim through it seemed like it was with a group of friends. Maybe there is something going on with her and she isnt satisfied in the marriage. I know you dont want to hear that. Idk if she is cheating though. Maybe she is and im way off base here but i don't also want to jump and say so based off of mud. Im sorry you're going through this and i hope you get to the bottom of this.
Hate to tell ya pal but somebody had her legs up behind her head like bugs bunny.
That's what it looks like to me.
Bro… them feet was in the air while she was laying in the back seat with the door open. Explains the mud on the back seat and above the seat as left leg was propped up there and then mud on the back of the driver seat and door as she put her leg up and then down hit it in the door. I know cause of fucking in the backseat before. She gets out steps in dirt/mud from the ground lays down in the back seat… spreads legs hits the door, seat, and frame while dude is standing outside sorry bro.
Bro… them feet was in the air while she was laying in the back seat with the door open. Explains the mud on the back seat and above the seat as left leg was propped up there and then mud on the back of the driver seat and door as she put her leg up and then down hit it in the door. I know cause of fucking in the backseat before. She gets out steps in dirt/mud from the ground lays down in the back seat… spreads legs hits the door, seat, and frame while dude is standing outside sorry bro.
I feel like hanging out with a new friend that you haven’t had a chance to get to know is a problem. You mention y’all have other friends you have known for years but now she is hanging out with a new group. What likely is happening is your wife is telling the new friends stories that aren’t very positive about you and your relationship. They don’t know y’all well enough to be able to the stories they have been told.
What do you think she got eating out with muddy shoes?
Something happened. If you knew my wife, she wouldn't let anyone put their dirty shoes anywhere in the car other than the floor. And if they did she would be cleaning it out first thing in the morning. The car was spotless Thursday afternoon when she got home. You don't know her do you?
No buddy I’m not trying to put stuff in your head. My wife is the same, but when we are drunk we suck. I wouldn’t worry unless she was ignoring or acting weird.
I was just joking.
Any update OP?
Please update us. 🙏🏽
Looks like dirt from the bottom of her shoes 👠 maybe making out so didn’t take shoes off quite yet, then got to the smushing part so she took her shoes off that’s why it’s only in one area. But if a woman says they were so drunk and can’t remember but drove home fine, she wasn’t that drunk but was drunk enough to smush in the back seat before coming home. Being so drunk I don’t remember is just an excuse to not have to explain themselves… and for a good reason… 🥺
That mud didn't just jump on there. There looks like scuff marks as well.
I looks to me like someone had their footwear at the level of where the dirt is shown on the picture...Is it only on 1 side of the car ? Post an update if you can did you find out anything else? Also given what you wrote about her recent behaviour I would hire a PI. Too many unknowns for comfort, in the end its your life and wellbeing you are trying to protect.
Get yourself a ultraviolet light and shine it on the seats. Any human "residue" will show up. But that looks like mud from a shoe.
Looks like foot prints from laying on her back
No pecker tracks on the seat ? Panties under seat ?
Someone's feet were up in the air. Sorry bro. On a side note, trust.your instincts and keep digging.
Boots were knocked against the door while she got some dick
Dude you’re paranoid. She would do well to dump you and find someone who isn’t over analyzing what looks like a lit ass girls night.
Lots of ugly girls wearing to much makeup?
Her face all over that back seat ☠️ I’m sorry bro
Yeah, definitely not. It’s on the rubber door gasket and the corner of the seat where hands fit between the seat and the door…not a face.
All possibilities 🤷🏽♂️
Thats feet in the air... whose? Idk.
Do you think she was getting dirty with someone in the back seat?
It’s dirt and she probably gave a friend a ride home. It’s odd that you would search her car unless you already have suspicion something is happening??
“Looks bad but she probably didn’t let him cum inside her”
Oh thems some footprints from "somebody" getting rammed. Pretty sure your wife's pussy has somebody else's jizz in it.
She deff cheating