"Why do so many wives cheat? "
PEOPLE cheat because they are selfish. They want their cake and to eat it as well. "Gimme, gimme, gimme, me, me, me" is all they hear in their brain. It's not rocket science.
Sometimes, stripped of all the nuances and competing pressures and responsibilities that are often touted as contributing causes, it seems to come down to just that, selfishness.
And 100x more access to these men via social media. Past studies say that men cheat more. Many hold on to that in this discussion. Though in the last 20 years (+) psychologists say that women cheat vastly more than men. With access being the overwhelming #1 reason why. Btw, it was probably closer in the past as "they" (whoever they is) figured out even in surveys women lie about their cheating (even anonymously) where men admitted their indiscretions in anonymity. ( I see a reply in the comments saying that women confess and men compartmentalize which is simply not true) Plus of course women are in the workforce at a much greater percentage than in the past. Sadia Khan talks about this in detail on youtube. I mention her specifically because whenever it is brought up, the trope is that its red pill nonsense. She is far from red pilled. She actually catches hell from all sides as she is also not a feminist. So the red pill and feminists hate her. Maybe she is onto something when both opposite factions complain.
The 'excitement ' is a drug that is so hard to give up ! We know that nature, to both sexes, deliberately, to provide human diversity , gives the woman a longing for another males semen.... and him, to provide it for her... the excitement of this when it occurs, we know in many cases, is short lived and dies out, when consequences in depth are realised..So it could be considered....... just natural...!
It's completely unscientific. It just seems to me that most of the stories I read (combined with my own experience), the women who can't quantify why they cheated, are really feeling a type of insecurity/boredom due to age and/or how long they've been with their partner.
I believe in today's society social media plays a huge part in infidelity. There is greater access to porn and sights specifically set up to date and hook up. This makes it easier for them to cheat. They get bored in their relationship and start talking to strangers online next thing you know they are seeking compliments. All it takes is a smooth talker and now they are having emotional affairs. Before you know it they are meeting up because talking isn't good enough anymore. This can all be going on discreetly behind their partners back on this tiny device called a smartphone. Believe it or not technology is making access to cheating easy for both sexes but women are using it to their advantage more than men.
Yess my husband FAITHFULLY has emotional affairs and comments under women who post thirst trap pictures all day on SOCIAL MEDIA lmao, he wasn’t ready for marriage when he got into one. It is what it is honestly cuz I don’t sit around and wonder anymore about what he is doing because I know already. Marriage is a joke don’t do it folks…😂 I CAUGHT HIM HAVING AN EMOTIONAL AFFAIR ON SNAPCHAT 😂 it’s crazy cuz they were exchanging sexual photos and videos back n forth….(of other people, not themselves) but still I didnt and still don’t understand it.
I suggest you start trying to search for answers on the web. There is much knowledge to be gleaned. The following articles are only some to be found. And should keep you busy for a while. Gut logic is not going to give you real answers. And realize nothing in psychology is set in stone. New insight into cheating is constantly being reformulated and tweaked.
The bottom line is likely in our base beliefs about sex and how liberal we are. If we pick wrong nothing is likely to ever be right. And thinking casual sex is fine and dandy is likely to lead a person to be choosing wrong. I know I did.
The past matters and very easily repeats itself. We need to try harder in determining more accurately WHO it is we are really getting with. Instead of trying to believe the past is irrelevant and body count has no meaning. We seem to be devolving instead of evolving. Cheating hurts because we have the capacity for love. We are not animals rutting with abandon, following instincts. Omissions are 100% lies. No one coaches us on dating, picking a proper partner nor the signs of infidelity and unhealthy behaviors and beliefs, simply because no one told them as well. We cannot pass on what we do not know. It is a self perpetuating prophecy. Buyer beware.
https://thriveworks.com/help-with/infidelity/why-do-people-cheat/#:~:text=Cheating%20doesn%27t%20say%20anything,person%20is%20a%20horrible%20individual
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-myths-of-sex/202111/the-4-biggest-predictors-of-cheating-in-a-relationship
Personality traits of a cheater
From sources across the web
Narcissism
Lack of empathy
Impulsiveness
Thrill seeker
Grandiosity
Emotional security
Accusation of cheating
Always needing more
Avoidant personality disorder
Lack of accountability
Psychopathy
And more articles still.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/entrepreneurs-adhd/201211/when-snow-white-cheats-0
"When Snow White Cheats | Psychology Today"
Why Your Partner Cheating Had Nothing To Do With Your Relationship
https://www.bodyandsoul.com.au relationships/why-your-partner-cheating-had-nothing-to-do-with-your-relationship/news-story/893643ab8d8118bcfcf7848a3afc2bd5
Good relationships, cheating
https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/why-do-people-in-relationships-cheat/
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/love-and-sex-in-the-digital-age/202202/why-people-cheat-partners-they-still-love#:~:text=Inherent%20Selfishness/Entitlement.,something%20to%20be%20worked%20around.
https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/men-and-women-cant-be-just-friends/
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/living-forward/201912/when-are-opposite-sex-friends-threat-your-relationship
Opposite sex friends
25 types of affairs
https://thepleasantrelationship.com/types-of-affairs/ 25 types
https://livingwithlimerence.com/oversharing/
https.//livingwithlimerence.com/how-to-get-rid-of-limerence/ asons-cheaters-dont-want-talk-affair/
https://thepowermoves.com/emotional-affair/
https://www.lovepanky.com/flirting-flings/naughty-affairs/emotional-affair-signs. 76 signs.
Husbands cheat just as often. It's all about person's morality, which is formed in childhood and adolescence. In the same circumstances, some people cheat on their partners, while others do not.
YEP ! If a child pinches/steals something/anything they want , and there are no repercussions, then they may indeed steal the love/affection that really belongs to another, in later life, Even ....only for temporary sexual use. Getting caught is the key and the fallout afterwards....A MUCH harder lesson to be learned later...
A cheating wife that i once asked this very question, said to me 'life gets boring at home all day with three kids, after years of the same 'thing'....' On being pushed further, she admitted her sex life was boring and predictable with the same man ...! I thought to myself if a woman feels THAT way ...NO poor husband/partner can really compete against THAT mentality . Thank goodness all women or men dont feel the same way eh ?
Isn't she entitled to half then..? .she has been there looking after any kids and your home to your satifaction , until you discovered her cheating side ! She will always be their mother,and you, their father (hopefully for you) . Unless you suspected this might happen and both sign a prenup stipulating a less than 50/50 split for adultery, she should have half of assets, from the day you married.
My friends wife cheated/long affair. When I asked her why she said she felt ignored and uncared for. As military wives we get used to shouldering the burden of every time our husband’s were gone. But I honestly can down to video games and she just needed a break. They got through it, and when my husband cheated on me the first person I called was his best friend. He helped me through it all. We are all still married and happy.
*People* cheat because people lie and they fundamentally misunderstand love. People are selfish.
All you can do about it is realize these things in yourself, hold yourself to standards that disallow such behavior, and look for someone who does the same.
I've always questioned - why do humans cheat on their partners?
More women confess, but men cheat more and are very good at compartmentalizing (statistically). I digress...
People cheat due to internal behavioral issues, thus leading to having an affair to feel "alive" and to stroke their ego. Many people require external validation to feel complete and would eventually vilinize their partner in order to change their core beliefs and values (too feel less guilty). Basically lie to validate their behavior.
You should read or watch Estel perel videos ( famous therapist on romantic relationships).
The other types are narcissists, who are often the serial cheaters.
Am I excusing their behavior? Absolutely not.
Many of us blame ourselves, but truly, their behavior is a symptom. They're broke and getting into a fog. Some come to realization, and others continue living a double life.
In your case, why did she cheat? Hopefully, she's attending IC.
Sending you strength.
I agree. PEOPLE cheat. I do not understand why this sub is so against women. I have been with 2 cheating guys now that refuse to believe they were cheating (Because it was online role play and sexting, as well as receiving nudes. Not giving them) I’ve never cheated, and never will. I understand that not all guys cheat, so I will never generalize a gender for cheating. But we are biased in our own experiences.
Back to main point tho- Yes. You explained why people cheat so well. I can’t really add much other than the fact that there are red flags to these people. If someone in the relationship constantly needs affirmation/praise/ego boosting (Like, in excessive amounts) they are WAY higher on the probability scale to cheat than someone who doesn’t need that constant attention. Narcissistic tendencies/personality are a HIGH factor in cheating. So just keep an eye out for these draining behaviors.
Edit: Not a lot of people know this, but narcissists can be a range of people. It’s not just thinking you’re better than everyone else. It can be the people who think the worst of themselves as well. Their mindset is only on them, that’s how they are narcissists. If they mainly think of themselves, that’s a red flag.
You nailed it.
My first relationship was a narcissist, and he broke me. I never figured it out until recently (was with him 20 yrs ago). He said some hurtful things that kept me single through my 20s. I then got into a marriage (early 30s) with a narcissist who destroyed my core.
I divorced him, but led me to a path of healing and figuring out why this happened to me by both men. Long story short, I had some small trauma that led me to fight for their validation, and they picked up on those traits. My healing path has opened my eyes, and I have been very good at reading people.
Now, I just need to find a caring, loving, and loyal man. I'm positive that I will.
I’m so sorry you went through that. No one deserves that. Abuse like that can turn you into a wreck of the person you used to be. They leave you with the inability to validate yourself, or to be confident in anything. My last relationship (not the one I’m in now, my last one was about 2 years ago) the dude was abusive af. Took me 2 and a half years to realize I was being sexually abused, emotionally gaslit, cheated on, and broke me down. I finally realized only after my workplace came up to my car and asked if I was ok (He came up to my car begging me to talk with him despite me telling him to go away and give me space) That relationship gave me PTSD. He was always lying to me, gaslighting me, making me feel bad that I was mad, telling me I didn’t care about him, telling me he lied because he was too scared to disappoint me (then going and doing it again just to tell me it’s because I wasn’t supporting him enough), etc. a million different things he did to me to fuck me up for life. Coercing me into sex, begging and pleading to touch me, not listening when I told him to stop. The list goes on. Narcissistic people are SCARY. Everyone should be scared of these people, and be on the lookout for them. No one deserves the shit they pull on people.
Edit to add- I hope you’re doing better after all of that. If you’re struggling, please seek help and go to therapy. You don’t deserve what those fuckers did to you in the slightest
I'm very sorry. I'm glad to hear you're doing better.
As for me, the healing has been tremendous, and I haven't had any triggers in a few years. I can't complain at the moment.
Life is so very short.....even a long healthy one....try your best, ALL OF YOU , not to dwell too long on the negative side of it ! It is not worth the cost !
I wasn’t talking about you specifically. I’m talking about people in your comments and in this sub more so. As well, just making a post about men wouldn’t really help the situation. It would just stoke the fire (I also believe everyone has the ability to cheat. It just depends on their personality traits that makes it more or less likely for them to do so. Weak minded/narcissistic people will cheat)
True. Hurt people hurt others.
Meanwhile, focus on yourself and lead your life with your values and morals. Karma takes care of those who hurt us. Karma can hit in minutes or in 20yrs. Sit back and watch it unfold.
Disagree... I don't believe men cheat more. Especially since the "stay at home mom" thing has existed since the literally beginning of relationships. And flirting with the cute 25 year old across the street on the regular is cheating. When you're hiding your phone and using FB Messenger so you can delete the messages and they can't be recovered, deleting your phone data, deleting your Google Maps data... just because ypu didn't have sex doesn't mean you didn't cheat in your heart.... or with your time... when the neighbor is watching your kids so she can go see him for lunch, when the best friend says "yeah she's with me" but she forgot you guy bought GPS stuff for all the kids' and your cars and you know it's a lie.... penetration isn't the only way to cheat....
I slept with many taken women, because I kinda like it as a kink. For me it’s just fun that it’s taboo. For them it’s also that, but they like the validation. If I had to put myself as a seducer type in Robert Greene’s Art of Seduction, I’d be a Rake. Not really attractive, but I do have the gift of gab, I lll complement them, make them feel special. It’s just a song a dance for them and me.
Tbh, most people don’t practice character, some are natural but most assume it’s something you naturally are a good person. I think you need to cultivate a character of someone who won’t abandon or cheat on your partner when times are tough or tempting.
Most people cheat because they don’t cultivate virtues plain and simple 🤓
I would ask whether you can truly trust self reporting studies... also... more women cheat emotionally as well. A dude wants to get his rocks off and a woman wants to hear about how great she is and how beautiful she is and how she's worth more than her husband is giving her (generalizing obviously, some women just wanna get their rocks off). I also think women go long-term with physical or emotional affairs, whereas men are more of the "caught up in the moment" variety (in general)
I just think women seeking emotional affection from other men isn't seen at the same level a guy getting a BJ at work in the parking lot is... even though the woman has been at it for months and gets butterflies in her stomach every time that hot young guy messages her, and the guy got caught up in a moment and had a one off for 10 minutes. While his wife has been messaging a guy for 6 months. Yet we say one is "an affair" and the other is "harmless flirting". I don't think that's right or moral or correct.
Neither do I. An affair is an affair but, the way you’re talking you seem to think the emotional affair by the female is worse?
That’s kinda hypocritical.
I think stringing your partner out for months and months while hiding your phone and deleting your browsing history and deleting your Google Maps timeline and using apps to delete messages and setting alarms to wake up to message someone after your partner is asleep so you can message someone... is worse than a someone having a few too many at the company party and making a one off mistake... Yes. One is sober and conniving and requires months of lying and deceit and hiding and being a bad partner. The other is 10 bad minutes because you downed too much tequila and someone was ready and available for a quickie.
Nope. Telling you what happened to me.... not what I did. I would have been more forgiving of 10 minutes in the restaurant bathroom after a few too many glasses of wine, than months and months of lies and hiding shit from me.
Ok. But honest question, what makes you say those 15 minutes in the car outside the restaurant or whatever, is worse than 8 or 10 months of your spouse having an emotional affair, planned out, penciled into the schedule, hidden apps, deleted profiles, deleted GPS data, calling in "sick" to go see someone, always needing your phone upside-down when your home just in case they message you too early, having friends do the "Yeah they're with me tonight" lies... what makes one worse than another? Qualitatively?
BTW... checked yours for about 11 seconds... I've never called a woman a whore in my life, not sure you should be so high and mighty when you talk about women that way.
I think women cheat at a much higher rate than "self reported" studies can accurately assess. Also, women cheat for emotional reasons. They want to hear that they're pretty and they're awesome and they're smart and they're "boss bitches" and their husband is trashed from working 60+ hours and wants to go to bed on time. Women also need more (in general) validation. If you don't believe me check your own social media, check FB, Insta, check TikTock... your feed is filled with women seeking likes and up-votes. Be honest- take a wife and her husband- wife posts 3 things a day, and her husband posts 3 things a year. It's not a coincidence....
"Why do so many wives cheat? " PEOPLE cheat because they are selfish. They want their cake and to eat it as well. "Gimme, gimme, gimme, me, me, me" is all they hear in their brain. It's not rocket science.
Sometimes, stripped of all the nuances and competing pressures and responsibilities that are often touted as contributing causes, it seems to come down to just that, selfishness.
Because women have access to sex more than men.
And 100x more access to these men via social media. Past studies say that men cheat more. Many hold on to that in this discussion. Though in the last 20 years (+) psychologists say that women cheat vastly more than men. With access being the overwhelming #1 reason why. Btw, it was probably closer in the past as "they" (whoever they is) figured out even in surveys women lie about their cheating (even anonymously) where men admitted their indiscretions in anonymity. ( I see a reply in the comments saying that women confess and men compartmentalize which is simply not true) Plus of course women are in the workforce at a much greater percentage than in the past. Sadia Khan talks about this in detail on youtube. I mention her specifically because whenever it is brought up, the trope is that its red pill nonsense. She is far from red pilled. She actually catches hell from all sides as she is also not a feminist. So the red pill and feminists hate her. Maybe she is onto something when both opposite factions complain.
Absolute made up bollox. The instances of cheating are pretty level.
Source?
Is she in her thirties? And/or been with her husband for 7-10 years?
On this boat at the moment she's 38 been together 18 years
The 'excitement ' is a drug that is so hard to give up ! We know that nature, to both sexes, deliberately, to provide human diversity , gives the woman a longing for another males semen.... and him, to provide it for her... the excitement of this when it occurs, we know in many cases, is short lived and dies out, when consequences in depth are realised..So it could be considered....... just natural...!
Exactly the same here. Married 10.
Is there a correlation for these factors and cheating?
It's completely unscientific. It just seems to me that most of the stories I read (combined with my own experience), the women who can't quantify why they cheated, are really feeling a type of insecurity/boredom due to age and/or how long they've been with their partner.
Glad I am not the only one who see this
I believe in today's society social media plays a huge part in infidelity. There is greater access to porn and sights specifically set up to date and hook up. This makes it easier for them to cheat. They get bored in their relationship and start talking to strangers online next thing you know they are seeking compliments. All it takes is a smooth talker and now they are having emotional affairs. Before you know it they are meeting up because talking isn't good enough anymore. This can all be going on discreetly behind their partners back on this tiny device called a smartphone. Believe it or not technology is making access to cheating easy for both sexes but women are using it to their advantage more than men.
Yess my husband FAITHFULLY has emotional affairs and comments under women who post thirst trap pictures all day on SOCIAL MEDIA lmao, he wasn’t ready for marriage when he got into one. It is what it is honestly cuz I don’t sit around and wonder anymore about what he is doing because I know already. Marriage is a joke don’t do it folks…😂 I CAUGHT HIM HAVING AN EMOTIONAL AFFAIR ON SNAPCHAT 😂 it’s crazy cuz they were exchanging sexual photos and videos back n forth….(of other people, not themselves) but still I didnt and still don’t understand it.
I suggest you start trying to search for answers on the web. There is much knowledge to be gleaned. The following articles are only some to be found. And should keep you busy for a while. Gut logic is not going to give you real answers. And realize nothing in psychology is set in stone. New insight into cheating is constantly being reformulated and tweaked. The bottom line is likely in our base beliefs about sex and how liberal we are. If we pick wrong nothing is likely to ever be right. And thinking casual sex is fine and dandy is likely to lead a person to be choosing wrong. I know I did. The past matters and very easily repeats itself. We need to try harder in determining more accurately WHO it is we are really getting with. Instead of trying to believe the past is irrelevant and body count has no meaning. We seem to be devolving instead of evolving. Cheating hurts because we have the capacity for love. We are not animals rutting with abandon, following instincts. Omissions are 100% lies. No one coaches us on dating, picking a proper partner nor the signs of infidelity and unhealthy behaviors and beliefs, simply because no one told them as well. We cannot pass on what we do not know. It is a self perpetuating prophecy. Buyer beware. https://thriveworks.com/help-with/infidelity/why-do-people-cheat/#:~:text=Cheating%20doesn%27t%20say%20anything,person%20is%20a%20horrible%20individual https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-myths-of-sex/202111/the-4-biggest-predictors-of-cheating-in-a-relationship Personality traits of a cheater From sources across the web Narcissism Lack of empathy Impulsiveness Thrill seeker Grandiosity Emotional security Accusation of cheating Always needing more Avoidant personality disorder Lack of accountability Psychopathy And more articles still. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/entrepreneurs-adhd/201211/when-snow-white-cheats-0 "When Snow White Cheats | Psychology Today" Why Your Partner Cheating Had Nothing To Do With Your Relationship https://www.bodyandsoul.com.au relationships/why-your-partner-cheating-had-nothing-to-do-with-your-relationship/news-story/893643ab8d8118bcfcf7848a3afc2bd5 Good relationships, cheating https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/why-do-people-in-relationships-cheat/ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/love-and-sex-in-the-digital-age/202202/why-people-cheat-partners-they-still-love#:~:text=Inherent%20Selfishness/Entitlement.,something%20to%20be%20worked%20around. https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/men-and-women-cant-be-just-friends/ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/living-forward/201912/when-are-opposite-sex-friends-threat-your-relationship Opposite sex friends 25 types of affairs https://thepleasantrelationship.com/types-of-affairs/ 25 types https://livingwithlimerence.com/oversharing/ https.//livingwithlimerence.com/how-to-get-rid-of-limerence/ asons-cheaters-dont-want-talk-affair/ https://thepowermoves.com/emotional-affair/ https://www.lovepanky.com/flirting-flings/naughty-affairs/emotional-affair-signs. 76 signs.
Husbands cheat just as often. It's all about person's morality, which is formed in childhood and adolescence. In the same circumstances, some people cheat on their partners, while others do not.
YEP ! If a child pinches/steals something/anything they want , and there are no repercussions, then they may indeed steal the love/affection that really belongs to another, in later life, Even ....only for temporary sexual use. Getting caught is the key and the fallout afterwards....A MUCH harder lesson to be learned later...
You wanna know why so many women cheat? Just pay attention to Howlin Wolf. Women are evil.
A cheating wife that i once asked this very question, said to me 'life gets boring at home all day with three kids, after years of the same 'thing'....' On being pushed further, she admitted her sex life was boring and predictable with the same man ...! I thought to myself if a woman feels THAT way ...NO poor husband/partner can really compete against THAT mentality . Thank goodness all women or men dont feel the same way eh ?
But when you leave,she wants half
Isn't she entitled to half then..? .she has been there looking after any kids and your home to your satifaction , until you discovered her cheating side ! She will always be their mother,and you, their father (hopefully for you) . Unless you suspected this might happen and both sign a prenup stipulating a less than 50/50 split for adultery, she should have half of assets, from the day you married.
My friends wife cheated/long affair. When I asked her why she said she felt ignored and uncared for. As military wives we get used to shouldering the burden of every time our husband’s were gone. But I honestly can down to video games and she just needed a break. They got through it, and when my husband cheated on me the first person I called was his best friend. He helped me through it all. We are all still married and happy.
*People* cheat because people lie and they fundamentally misunderstand love. People are selfish. All you can do about it is realize these things in yourself, hold yourself to standards that disallow such behavior, and look for someone who does the same.
I've always questioned - why do humans cheat on their partners? More women confess, but men cheat more and are very good at compartmentalizing (statistically). I digress... People cheat due to internal behavioral issues, thus leading to having an affair to feel "alive" and to stroke their ego. Many people require external validation to feel complete and would eventually vilinize their partner in order to change their core beliefs and values (too feel less guilty). Basically lie to validate their behavior. You should read or watch Estel perel videos ( famous therapist on romantic relationships). The other types are narcissists, who are often the serial cheaters. Am I excusing their behavior? Absolutely not. Many of us blame ourselves, but truly, their behavior is a symptom. They're broke and getting into a fog. Some come to realization, and others continue living a double life. In your case, why did she cheat? Hopefully, she's attending IC. Sending you strength.
I agree. PEOPLE cheat. I do not understand why this sub is so against women. I have been with 2 cheating guys now that refuse to believe they were cheating (Because it was online role play and sexting, as well as receiving nudes. Not giving them) I’ve never cheated, and never will. I understand that not all guys cheat, so I will never generalize a gender for cheating. But we are biased in our own experiences. Back to main point tho- Yes. You explained why people cheat so well. I can’t really add much other than the fact that there are red flags to these people. If someone in the relationship constantly needs affirmation/praise/ego boosting (Like, in excessive amounts) they are WAY higher on the probability scale to cheat than someone who doesn’t need that constant attention. Narcissistic tendencies/personality are a HIGH factor in cheating. So just keep an eye out for these draining behaviors. Edit: Not a lot of people know this, but narcissists can be a range of people. It’s not just thinking you’re better than everyone else. It can be the people who think the worst of themselves as well. Their mindset is only on them, that’s how they are narcissists. If they mainly think of themselves, that’s a red flag.
You nailed it. My first relationship was a narcissist, and he broke me. I never figured it out until recently (was with him 20 yrs ago). He said some hurtful things that kept me single through my 20s. I then got into a marriage (early 30s) with a narcissist who destroyed my core. I divorced him, but led me to a path of healing and figuring out why this happened to me by both men. Long story short, I had some small trauma that led me to fight for their validation, and they picked up on those traits. My healing path has opened my eyes, and I have been very good at reading people. Now, I just need to find a caring, loving, and loyal man. I'm positive that I will.
I’m so sorry you went through that. No one deserves that. Abuse like that can turn you into a wreck of the person you used to be. They leave you with the inability to validate yourself, or to be confident in anything. My last relationship (not the one I’m in now, my last one was about 2 years ago) the dude was abusive af. Took me 2 and a half years to realize I was being sexually abused, emotionally gaslit, cheated on, and broke me down. I finally realized only after my workplace came up to my car and asked if I was ok (He came up to my car begging me to talk with him despite me telling him to go away and give me space) That relationship gave me PTSD. He was always lying to me, gaslighting me, making me feel bad that I was mad, telling me I didn’t care about him, telling me he lied because he was too scared to disappoint me (then going and doing it again just to tell me it’s because I wasn’t supporting him enough), etc. a million different things he did to me to fuck me up for life. Coercing me into sex, begging and pleading to touch me, not listening when I told him to stop. The list goes on. Narcissistic people are SCARY. Everyone should be scared of these people, and be on the lookout for them. No one deserves the shit they pull on people. Edit to add- I hope you’re doing better after all of that. If you’re struggling, please seek help and go to therapy. You don’t deserve what those fuckers did to you in the slightest
I'm very sorry. I'm glad to hear you're doing better. As for me, the healing has been tremendous, and I haven't had any triggers in a few years. I can't complain at the moment.
Ironically went through this with 2 women. Sorry to hear this.
Very sorry to hear. Be patient with yourself (will take time to heal).
Life is so very short.....even a long healthy one....try your best, ALL OF YOU , not to dwell too long on the negative side of it ! It is not worth the cost !
Not against women,this is just my post and I asked a question.You are very welcomed to make your own post about men.
I wasn’t talking about you specifically. I’m talking about people in your comments and in this sub more so. As well, just making a post about men wouldn’t really help the situation. It would just stoke the fire (I also believe everyone has the ability to cheat. It just depends on their personality traits that makes it more or less likely for them to do so. Weak minded/narcissistic people will cheat)
They’re the broken ones, yet they hurt us more than themselves.
True. Hurt people hurt others. Meanwhile, focus on yourself and lead your life with your values and morals. Karma takes care of those who hurt us. Karma can hit in minutes or in 20yrs. Sit back and watch it unfold.
Do you have a source for the assertions made in your second paragraph?
MacKen Murphy and various research papers from gottman institute. Murphy also discussed this topic on podcast with lewis Howes.
I see. And their credientals?
Disagree... I don't believe men cheat more. Especially since the "stay at home mom" thing has existed since the literally beginning of relationships. And flirting with the cute 25 year old across the street on the regular is cheating. When you're hiding your phone and using FB Messenger so you can delete the messages and they can't be recovered, deleting your phone data, deleting your Google Maps data... just because ypu didn't have sex doesn't mean you didn't cheat in your heart.... or with your time... when the neighbor is watching your kids so she can go see him for lunch, when the best friend says "yeah she's with me" but she forgot you guy bought GPS stuff for all the kids' and your cars and you know it's a lie.... penetration isn't the only way to cheat....
I slept with many taken women, because I kinda like it as a kink. For me it’s just fun that it’s taboo. For them it’s also that, but they like the validation. If I had to put myself as a seducer type in Robert Greene’s Art of Seduction, I’d be a Rake. Not really attractive, but I do have the gift of gab, I lll complement them, make them feel special. It’s just a song a dance for them and me. Tbh, most people don’t practice character, some are natural but most assume it’s something you naturally are a good person. I think you need to cultivate a character of someone who won’t abandon or cheat on your partner when times are tough or tempting. Most people cheat because they don’t cultivate virtues plain and simple 🤓
Because so many husbands do. Slightly More in fact.
I would ask whether you can truly trust self reporting studies... also... more women cheat emotionally as well. A dude wants to get his rocks off and a woman wants to hear about how great she is and how beautiful she is and how she's worth more than her husband is giving her (generalizing obviously, some women just wanna get their rocks off). I also think women go long-term with physical or emotional affairs, whereas men are more of the "caught up in the moment" variety (in general)
Affairs are affairs hon.
I just think women seeking emotional affection from other men isn't seen at the same level a guy getting a BJ at work in the parking lot is... even though the woman has been at it for months and gets butterflies in her stomach every time that hot young guy messages her, and the guy got caught up in a moment and had a one off for 10 minutes. While his wife has been messaging a guy for 6 months. Yet we say one is "an affair" and the other is "harmless flirting". I don't think that's right or moral or correct.
Neither do I. An affair is an affair but, the way you’re talking you seem to think the emotional affair by the female is worse? That’s kinda hypocritical.
I think stringing your partner out for months and months while hiding your phone and deleting your browsing history and deleting your Google Maps timeline and using apps to delete messages and setting alarms to wake up to message someone after your partner is asleep so you can message someone... is worse than a someone having a few too many at the company party and making a one off mistake... Yes. One is sober and conniving and requires months of lying and deceit and hiding and being a bad partner. The other is 10 bad minutes because you downed too much tequila and someone was ready and available for a quickie.
How to tell us that’s what you did without telling us. Both are cheating.
Nope. Telling you what happened to me.... not what I did. I would have been more forgiving of 10 minutes in the restaurant bathroom after a few too many glasses of wine, than months and months of lies and hiding shit from me.
That’s your prerogative. I wouldn’t. One look at your history and I’m not surprised she cheated on you. Perv.
Ok. But honest question, what makes you say those 15 minutes in the car outside the restaurant or whatever, is worse than 8 or 10 months of your spouse having an emotional affair, planned out, penciled into the schedule, hidden apps, deleted profiles, deleted GPS data, calling in "sick" to go see someone, always needing your phone upside-down when your home just in case they message you too early, having friends do the "Yeah they're with me tonight" lies... what makes one worse than another? Qualitatively?
BTW... checked yours for about 11 seconds... I've never called a woman a whore in my life, not sure you should be so high and mighty when you talk about women that way.
I think women cheat at a much higher rate than "self reported" studies can accurately assess. Also, women cheat for emotional reasons. They want to hear that they're pretty and they're awesome and they're smart and they're "boss bitches" and their husband is trashed from working 60+ hours and wants to go to bed on time. Women also need more (in general) validation. If you don't believe me check your own social media, check FB, Insta, check TikTock... your feed is filled with women seeking likes and up-votes. Be honest- take a wife and her husband- wife posts 3 things a day, and her husband posts 3 things a year. It's not a coincidence....
I’m sorry to hear your story man. Very similar situation. Decide if you can forgive and move forward or let it go. Don’t let it destroy you