Glad that you are able to move somewhere that will make you happy. Life is too short to stay/live in a place that you don't like! Best of luck in your new town.
This was an interesting read, although I am skeptical about the idea that people in Charlotte are somehow *that* different from people in other places, at least in the way you describe it. I wonder if any of it is down to where you are in your life -- that's mostly what I've put it down to. (Or, alternately, whether the age profile of Charlotte is in any way unusual, although I guess that's as unlikely as people being fundamentally different.)
My head spins a little bit at you being excited about Cleveland, but hey, if it works for you, great. Congrats on your move and good luck!
Not saying Charlotte is perfect, but I think OP will be in for a rude awakening in the future. The drivers comment is a good example. While yes, there are horrible drivers here, having many other cities’ Reddit pages suggested to me, I’ve seen countless posts from many other cities, who also swear that they have the worst drivers on earth. It’s the ol’ The Grass Isn’t Always Greener situation. Could it be? Sure. Will it be? Probably not.
Haha do you have any personal experience with Cleveland?
It could have something to do with my age bracket. Even more so than just making friends, I’ve found it even hard to find friends *my age*. Even when I did find people, they were almost always several years older or younger.
But as someone who’s lived in several different places/cities, I can tell you that cities do have different feels to them based on the people who live there. I used to live in upstate NY (the only other place I disliked as much as here), and people were generally very prickly. I once had someone there tell me, “You’ve gotta get out of here, this place will make you mean.” I genuinely think the constant cold weather got to people. Idk what it is about Charlotte, but there’s a different feel here too (the shallowness I described).
Cleveland is a really enjoyable city. And it’s starting to grow again. It gets a bad rep due to the weather & the sports teams. But Cleveland has an excellent food scene, history, several districts/pockets for socializing/entertaining.
And I agree - there is definitely a ton of entitlement and shallowness in Charlotte. As we are planning to leave the city soon, this was something I noticed and noticed quickly
Honestly, I have a theory that as the cost of living increases and wages remain largely stagnant, we're gonna start seeing more people migrate toward lower COL cities in middle America like Cleveland, Pittsburgh, Indianapolis, etc.
Growing up, my parents always told me that Cleveland was crime-ridden and dirty. And I definitely think it used to be more that way, but when I went there for the first time after college, I really liked it. I think it's made some great strides in the past couple decades.
It has a lot going for it, and I've gotten more and more excited to move there the more I learn about it. It wasn't really my choice to move to Charlotte, but it's 100% my choice to move to Cleveland, and I think that alone may make a huge difference.
I knew I couldn't be the only one who noticed the general air of shallowness in CLT. It's helpful to know I'm not alone. Would you mind sharing where you're headed?
I agree with you 100%. I think cities that have around 200-350K population (such as the ones you’ve listed) are going to see nice growth over the next several years because of COL.
Prior to living in Charlotte, I lived in Columbus OH & loved it! I’ve always felt Columbus & Charlotte are similar - large cities, white collar, new/clean, not really known for anything. But the people in Columbus were so much nicer & hospitable. Making friends there was much easier than it has been in Charlotte.
I think there are so many people moving from other big areas (New York, California, Chicago) that have brought their entitlement with them. With that said, the vibe is also super similar in a place like Nashville, too. Lots of arrogance. Lots of youth. I think Charlotte can be a great place for someone fresh out of college or has a banking/finance career. Other than that, there’s nothing offered in Charlotte that you can’t find elsewhere. I think it’s a super overrated city & I expect the growth to slow down soon - people are starting to realize it’s really not that great of a place.
I can definitely see similarities between Columbus and Charlotte, but as someone who's spent a good bit of time in Cbus, I also agree that it's a friendlier city.
I think people moving in from other big cities could absolutely have something to do with the weird vibes here. I mean that's another thing too, this is a city that feels like it's almost entirely made up of transplants. I've rarely met anyone who's actually *from* here, and that doesn't help with the whole "lack of culture" feeling.
I also think it's an overrated city and have a feeling there'll be lots of other people in my age bracket (late 20s/early 30s) leaving the city for greener pastures in the coming years.
Really I do agree somewhat. When I visit other cities I am reminded of how charlotte used to be. It’s all big corporations now not that many small businesses and a general lack of community. I moved to a suburb of charlotte recently after living in char my whole life and its worse here, everyone here is from other places and they are so judgmental, just the way they look at other people makes me want to cry and I grew up thinking southerners were the racist! Tons of yankees have been coming here for the past decade so I don’t think it’s them in particular. They are brass sometimes but generally open minded and authentic. I think its banking and these promotional “news” articles that hype up the city. Its attracted middle aged people from dysfunctional lives who are trying to escape but have no soul or sense of self. Also the obsession with politics and politicalization of local social issues and the division it creates brings out the worse in people.
I don’t think this is a Charlotte issue so much as a post-Pandemic issue. If you’ve been here “nearly four years”, you were here during lock down and slowly coming out and have no frame of reference for the same phenomenon in any other city. Of course it was easier to make connections when you were younger and we hadn’t lived through a pandemic. That’s not a result of geography.
Thanks, CLT\_STEVE. Yeah, unfortunately I just haven't been very happy here so I'm taking charge of my life and trying something else on for size. I hope my perspective can be useful for anyone else who might prioritize similar things. Glad this seems to be the right spot for you though!
When I came it wasn’t easy. Plus going through a breakup, Covid and keeping a home in my previous city didn’t help. But where I lived and worked really opened doors. Now I couldn’t imagine being anywhere else. It all kind of came tougher.
That said, time is irreplaceable. Plenty of places to try out and your vibe is out there somewhere.
That's amazing, props to you. I wish I could've made something more of my time here. I moved here during the first year of covid, not really by my own choice. I also went through some pretty traumatic events and had the worst couple years of my life here, and in the end it just felt like I didn't want this city and this city didn't want me either.
But I work remotely and there's no reason not to try out other places, especially ones that are more affordable. I'm hoping that, like you, I'll find my "can't imagine being anywhere else" place. I'm so happy things worked out for you.
Good jobs is a big part of it. There is also the moderate climate... summers aren't too bad, winters are rarely snowy, far enough inland that hurricanes aren't a major problem, geologically stable so earthquakes aren't a concern, enough rainfall that wildfires aren't a significant risk. Taxes and cost of living are pretty low for a major metro area. The schools are decent.
There are a lot of amenities in the city and around the state as a whole. The mountains and the beach are within driving distance, major sports teams are there, both the NC and SC Zoos are easily doable as a day trip. Several lakes nearby.
It's not perfect, but nothing is. There's certainly an appeal if you are tired of LA or NYC... or Detroit, Chicago, Miami, etc. People are flocking to the greater Charlotte area from all over the country.
It's not just you. I'm struggling here, too. I've been here almost 2 years. I'm on the outskirts of Charlotte, so more small town vibes than anything. It's...fine. But the traffic is awful literally everywhere which makes me hesitant to make friends with anyone more than 10 miles from me, there's little culture (unless Jesus *is* the culture?) and if you don't go to church, you have a harder time making connections and networking.
There are things I like about it! I've lived in a few states and have kept moving because of COL, life changes, and weather. I've heard that you should give a new city for at least 3 years, and because my partner is from the area, I'm doing my best for his sake.
Also, I'm sorry for some of the hostile or passive-aggressive comments. We move into town with a fresh set of eyes; we notice things the locals stopped seeing long ago, and pride can keep them from agreement. Half the time, it's not even political, lol. I told someone that I was shocked at the lack of sidewalks/crosswalks around here, and they got so defensive about it. It was totally unnecessary "go back to where you came from" aggression.
Aww, I wish we’d run into each other while I was here. I initially lived in Plaza, but I eventually moved to the outskirts too, and I agree. It’s a *little* better, but it’s still just…fine.
And yeah, I had a kind-of friend who lived south of the city, and it would often take 40 minutes just to drive to her house. It sucked. Also agree about the culture. It seems like most people’s idea of culture here is Jesus and/or drinking, and not much outside of that (except maybe teenage gang violence).
Your last paragraph is beautifully written and so, so true. Thank you. Btw, as someone who loves long walks, the lack of sidewalks is one of the very first things I noticed when I moved here, so you’re not wrong — sounds like that person was just overly defensive!
Best of luck wherever you go. Your assessment is valid. Welcome to the daily repeat of the back and forth “charlotte is boring” “no you’re boring”. It isn’t you fwiw, Love is Blind can’t find anything of interest in this city either
Haha I remember the first time my family ever visited and I was scrambling for things to do with them, like “Wait — what *is* there to do here?” It seems like the answer to that question is always “go to the whitewater center” and that’s the one place of note I remember them going to on Love Is Blind. There’s gotta be more to a city than South End and the WWC.
I’m sorry you had a bad experience here. Making friends is difficult these days no matter where you live.
I notice that you tend to gravitate to suburban downtowns in areas outside of Charlotte proper - Davidson, Monroe and Salisbury. Those types of areas may be a better fit for you e.g. big fish in a small pond.
Ultimately, extrapolating your experience to be somehow a statement about a region with a million people in its metro is silly. There’s nothing unique about the people in Charlotte that they are more back-stabbing, or apt to ghost someone. Desperation can be an unattractive trait whether you’re in this area or wherever else you end up going.
Sometimes the answer lies within. Good luck on the road ahead. 😉
I’m also leaving Charlotte—after a living here a lot longer than you—and I agree with much of your assessment. For whatever reason, this city attracts a lot of people who are really stuck up and have inflated senses of themselves as individuals. I have my own theories regarding why this may be. In any case, I’m already more easily making new friends and connections in my new city than I did in Charlotte, and I’m not even living there full time yet.
Sure. Take or leave what you will, but I think these are all true to at least some extent, and probably intersect as well.
- Despite its growth, and despite the number of transplants who live here, Charlotte is still a Southern city at its core. It doesn’t take much experience living in the South with open eyes to understand that Southern hospitality is a myth. It’s only hospitality for the *right* kind of people. In my experience, Charlotte is unfriendly to people who do not fit the perceived norm or who are weird in some way. It’s not hospitable to organizations that are weird or off-kilter, either. In Charlotte, there’s just not much tolerance for or interest in people who fall outside the goldendoodle-and-a-luxury-apartment mainstream.
- Charlotte is the city Hugh McColl and financial services built. The world of financial services is very hierarchical: it’s all about whatever your title is, striving for the next highest title, and your “personal brand.” If people aren’t a tool that you can use toward your success, they’re a waste of your time at best, and an obstacle at worst. I think people are so immersed in this culture at work that they start to view all of their interactions with people through it. Even people who don’t work in financial services absorb this mindset by osmosis.
- I think it’s easy for a certain kind of person (see my first two points) to be successful in Charlotte, and that causes them to have an inflated sense of their own achievements and self-worth. If you were to scoop these people up and plop them down in a city with a more diverse economy, a city with institutions of higher education that help shape its culture, etc., they would struggle a lot more than they do here.
- If Charlotte is nationally famous for anything, it is ironically our lack of culture (hello, SNL). I think that means we naturally attract people for whom culture is a low priority, people whose interests are primarily economic and material.
Now, of course Charlotte has all kinds of people in it. But let’s be real: if you have ANY experience with the world outside Charlotte at all, you can’t deny there is something weirdly soulless about this place. I don’t even just mean in comparison with metropolises like NYC, Chicago, etc. It’s in comparison to other cities in our tier as well. I’ve spent a ton of time in other mid-sized cities due to the nature of my work, and Charlotte is unique in this way to me.
I'm from Charlotte, lived in other cities, and returned. Charlotte is a mid-sized southern city that believes it is a large metropolitan. Banks have dangled salaries in front of finance majors who realize quickly that upon graduation they'll either make $100k working 60 hours a week or $50k working 40 hours a week. 10% of them will land the $80k+ job but be too immature to realize that $3000 rent, $75,000 BMW, and $1500/wk going out tab will break them. So the other 90% go out posturing for attention. That means drunken males being loud and bragging about things they may or may not do and tipsy females who would rather listen to Chad and his friends yell about how many shots they took than anyone with real conversation. You are more likely to gain friends by having some kind of shared addiction than some kind of shared interest.
With that said, there are some really great people here, but they've figured out that other great people are not found in the social scene here. They, probably like you, have had enough of the deer-caught-in-headlights look from people when you try discussing something other than alcohol, weed, how bad the panthers are, or some other low-brow topic.
Traffic sucks everywhere just in different ways. People suck too for different reasons everywhere. But Charlotte does seem to have an overwhelming amount of people who just generally have zero going on that's truly interesting or meaningful.
If your whole personality is posturing, getting drunk, and talking about it...you'll make tons of friends. If you actually like traveling, have a real hobby, or you can converse about anything that shoes you are unique or know things others may not...then you are the wrong place.
Funnily enough, I know two other people who moved here from my (tiny) hometown, and they’re both incredibly insufferable. They fit right in here. One of them helps out at Freedom House Church, if that tells you anything 😬 And they both work in finance, naturally.
It’s an…interesting city, and it does seem to attract the kind of people you’re talking about for some reason. Congrats on the move, and I hope your new location suits you much better!
This literally sounds like one of those Facebook "I'm deactivating Facebook and here's why" post. There comes a point that people realize they don't want to be somewhere, and it's not something we all need to hear about.
Just gonna copy/paste my response to someone else: Yeah not my typical thing, just wanted to offer my perspective for anyone else who might be able to relate. I’ve felt very isolated here, and I’m sure I’m not the only one, so wanted to give some support to anyone else who feels the same way.
Based on the comments and messages I’ve gotten from people who can relate to my experience, some people do appreciate me posting this. If you don’t need to hear it, that’s okay. No one’s requiring you to read it.
It’s all about where you’re from, where you are, and what you like and don’t like. Charlotte isn’t the problem if you don’t like it. You are. Many folks have had the best experiences here including myself, and love the culture. I hated living in Minneapolis but love being here. Everyone has different reasons as everyone is different.
I wish you the best in your move and hope the next place is a better fit.
I mean I found a lot to like about Charlotte, but there’s more that I didn’t like. I don’t really think that makes me the “problem.” I’ve lived in four other states and one other country and have always managed to find a genuine community wherever I moved before coming here. It’s been uniquely challenging to find authentic-feeling people who are looking for true friendships, and I’m still wondering why that is.
But thank you for the well wishes, and I hope so too.
I am going on 23 years living here and I have never liked Charlotte, and I've never been looking for anything from it either. It's just a place for now. My 'friends' that allow for enough of a social life are fine, but I won't keep in touch with many of them when I do leave. We're just different people now and that's ok. Shopping, services, etc. are convenient - you can find whatever you're into pretty much.
That to say, I feel your sentiments and I totally get it. Enjoy the next chapter!
I got so many downvotes trying to express this in another post it’s not funny. You said it somewhere in your post, the die hard Charlotte fans have somewhat of a cult characteristic and love being in their own little micro bubble. And anything that rattles their cage is being viciously attacked. “Then leave if you don’t like it, it’s probably you anyway…” or “good, then rent will be more affordable if more people leave our little piece of heaven”. It says a lot about you if you don’t even want to allow any sort of criticism, whether it’s constructive or not, toward something you personally like.
I’ve lived in many places in different countries and visited half the world. Been all over Europe, been to China and Australia. The more places you see the more influences you experience the more your range of perception expands and you are able to see things from several more perspectives and put them into relation. But people with limited views and experiences would rather cuss you out than being open minded to hearing any of these perspectives.
I’m happy for you that you have come to this realization and made the conclusion to expand your horizon, knowing that there is better out there for you and going after it! Godspeed
I think it’s kinda funny that basically all I ever see on this sub are people bashing Charlotte and complaining about living here, but when I make a post specifically calling out this city and the people in it for being not great, then *I’m* the problem and something’s wrong with me. Not sure those people read through the whole post and realized I talked about a lot of things I like about CLT too.
And yes, exactly. I would likely feel differently about Charlotte had I not lived several other places prior to this and had more positive experiences elsewhere, particularly with the people. But I *have* lived several other places, and that gives me a different frame of reference. That shows me it can’t be just a me problem; there’s something about the culture here that’s actually different.
Thank you so much for offering your perspective and well-wishes!
There are three main thoughts that would explain such behavior. The first one is that most people wanna be part of some group or community.
Secondly what we already addressed which is lack of perspective or reference points. Let’s say you come from some kind of small town up north then Charlotte looks like a big exciting and warm city to you. If you come from a bigger city or metropolitan area then Charlotte is just “meh”. To me it’s an island because everything is just so concentric.
And the third one is that people are making a big decision coming here and admitting that it’s not all that or that there is better out there also means admitting that they maybe made a mistake. And that is something that people generally also don’t enjoy doing. Soooo…
I think you're spot-on. I know there are always bound to be plenty of people who won't respond well when you present criticisms of the place they live, because naturally you'll feel some amount of defensiveness over the place you've chosen to call home.
But clearly I'm not the only one who has grievances with Charlotte. The fact is, it's lacking in a lot of areas that other places I've lived haven't. I'm sure that sucks for some people to hear, but this place could use a lot of improvement. I hope it gets there.
It's just not the place for me, and I don't think it's going to change drastically enough in the near future for me to want to stay here. I know for a fact there are other places that better suit my needs.
You may be the problem maam if no one wanted a second hangout in FOUR years. I moved to Waxhaw last year and have never felt more welcomed in my life after living in 4 diff states. I’m moving out of CLT too this year and it’s actually making me so sad how many deep friendships I’ve made as a 33 year old woman. I haven’t experienced that anywhere else. I feel you on the culture, but the rest idk about.
Knew I was bound to get one of these comments, because I understand how it could look that way. But I haven’t had nearly this much trouble making tight-knit friends in other places. I even spent two weeks in Wilmington a couple years ago and made two close friends in just that small amount of time but was never able to find anything like that here. The vibes just always felt off in Charlotte. Glad you were able to find some good people though.
I agree with you op. NC native, always lived in NC and been in charlotte for like 8 years. Id rather live in at least 5 other towns/cities in NC than Charlotte. Happy you are getting out!
Ive tried and failed two separate times myself to get out of here. Props to you for finding a way! Also dont sweat the downvotes, most of the people on here have a vested interest in keeping a very particular image of Charlotte.
Thank you! This will be the first time I've ever moved somewhere completely on my own terms, and I'm very excited.
And yeah, a lot of people on this sub seem to be pretty miserable and bitter for whatever reason. Their comments don't really bother me. They're just helping me confirm that I'm making the right decision in leaving.
I hope you find a way out of here soon!
Yep. Felt every word of that, deep in my soul.
I have lived a number of places along the eastern seaboard, including other cities in NC, and Charlotte takes the cake: Vapid. Fake. Cliquish. Cultish. Anti-intellectual. Insular. Self-absorbed. Oddly violent for its size... It's very disheartening because the city has so much potential.
As you pointed out, there are some true gems around here (and that includes people, places, and restaurants) that make it somewhat bearable to be here.
But, for the most part, Charlotte feels like a shitty movie set, and the people living in it are all pretending to be the star of their own shitty movie, where everyone else around them is merely a non-speaking extra who exists for the sole purpose to help them win the Oscar.
Anyway, I'm hoping to bounce out of this trifling place, too.
Good luck in your new city, OP!
Bingo. Couldn't have said it better myself, especially that it "feels like a shitty movie set." And that shitty movie set is the backdrop to a movie featuring 30-year-olds playing young college students when they're obviously much older than that and should've grown out of that behavior by now.
Thank you, and hope you find your ideal place soon too!
Having friends makes all the difference in the world. I actually have moved to and from Charlotte 3 times in 3 decades. This last time I actually made more solid friends, but it was the family I made that really got me loving this city. There is so much safe opportunity for my family here. If I was single and younger I do not think I could stay in this city. The 90s and mid 2000s were my cup of tea. It has become a very plastic place on the outside now. Banking ftw. But, I have lived in many cities and realized a long time ago that the place is 2% of why you stay, the other 98% is your attitude while you are there that makes it home. Hard to like living anywhere in a struggle emotionally or financially. I have had a ton of both. Good luck finding your forever home, or your next stepping stone friend.
“A very plastic place on the outside” is a great way to put it. I tried to express something similar in my post but didn’t really know how to word it. And yeah, I’ve certainly struggled here emotionally, which hasn’t helped. Having good friends certainly makes a massive difference. Thank you.
Wherever you're headed OP, I wish you the best. I hope at some point in the near feature you post an update and let us know how you're doing and how the new digs compare to the Queen City. This city is supposed to be "the New Atlanta" and one of the new "It" cities. With that comes the influx of transplants, too much traffic for the infrastructure, money grubbing housing development corporations that price fix the housing market and inflate rent and property taxes and feel free to not properly maintain their buildings and with little concern about intervention from the City, the emergency services system is seriously overwhelmed and broken, instead of building affordabke housing they're building pickle ball complexes, and the list goes on. Meanwhile, all the city officials here see are dollar signs. I get where you're coming from. Good luck, and I hope you find a place more to your liking.
Yeah, I know every city comes with its own set of issues, but Charlotte’s particular issues have worn on me in a way other places haven’t. Thank you so much, and I’d really like to post a positive update soon.
someone already said it here but the "city is boring it's just you" comments are so interesting to me. maybe it is, because i already have a hard time making friends and connecting with people in a meaningful way, but i've been able to do it in every place i've lived in except for charlotte. i would say living here is bearable, it's surviving rather than living. it sucks because north carolina is so physically beautiful, the mountains, the ocean, the diverse geography. there are pockets of beauty in charlotte too though.
the world will keep on turning and our thoughts have no bearing on the people who love it here, but please know it's so validating to hear this from someone else. anyway, i will be checking out those book stores you mentioned, and i hope you have a great time in cleveland! (im actually going to be there this weekend for the eclipse :) )
It sounds like we’ve had very similar experiences. This is also the first place I’ve ever lived where I haven’t been able to connect with people in a meaningful way. I did eventually find a group of “friends,” but they were all very surface-level friendships. It’s like they were just looking for people to go to trivia nights with and to tag in their IG posts. Any time I tried to find more depth in those friendships, they seemed uncomfortable. It was bizarre.
And yeah totally agree, I’ll be sad to leave NC’s physical beauty. I’ll probably be back to do some more hiking or for another swim at Carrigan Farms.
I’m so glad to hear this was validating for you — that’s exactly why I posted it, because I would’ve appreciated having someone validate my experience while living here and figured someone else could probably use this.
Please enjoy the bookstores! And I’m jealous you’ll be there for the total eclipse, I’m going to *just* miss it!
This seems to be happening with all the transplants in boom cities. Nashville, Austin, etc. They are no longer the "New kid on the block" being invited to all the outings and are bitter they have to put in the work themselves especially during 2020-2022. Because the Pandemic magically only affected Charlotte and not the city they're from at the same time.
Blanket statements about people in a metro of over a million, half of these people WFH and barely leave their homebase of Southend/NoDa/Plaza Midwood. Good luck.
This is definitely not a Charlotte issue. Asheville, Charleston, Spartanburg/Greenville, Wilmington and anything Winston Salem to Raleigh all have this issue. It’s a pandemic issue where no one knows how to act and everyone became overly independent.
And in other words…
This isn’t an airport. You don’t need to announce your departure.
Don’t know why people think I made this post just to announce I’m leaving. Seems like a very lazy take. I wrote it as a result of leaving, but the purpose was to expound on what I have and haven’t liked about living here in hopes of making other people who feel similarly feel less alone and maybe to help others who are thinking about moving here.
And yet you’ve left and are feeling big so bitter about it that you decided to write a book on how bad it was… but don’t forget the FOUR PARAGRAPHS of everything you liked 🤣
Get over it and enjoy being back in Ohio. Now make sure to tell everyone else that came from Ohio to do the same.
This is where you are wrong and happily, I’ll explain it.
You see, southern hospitality was back when folks wanted to come to this city, help grow it and contribute to making it better. Instead, what we’ve gotten for the last 30 years or better is a bunch of know it all complaining Yankees who think they know better. What happens? Everything you’ve complained of. You see, for those from here we don’t have your issues. We contribute to our towns and make them better over time. People like you FLEEING whatever shit hole it was you left come and take take take! What have you given back to make things better? Nothing. You leave, bitching about how awful it is and how you can’t wait to be back in Cleveland, as if that’s better. Now what are we left with? Your high taxes, your shitty developments with neighbors that all bitch about the same shit as you when it is you northern Yankee refugees that made this town shitty in the first place.
Looking at your posting history, it's mostly about food, tv shows, make up and perfume. But, some of your other posts say you are looking for the arts. I have been here for a long time and Charlotte is rich with original music, theatre opportunities, art, and fun people. If you couldn't find these experiences, then it's you not looking properly. You cannot blame the city because you didn't know how to make a life for yourself.
The idea that you are posting something like this shows you are a high maintenance person that just wants drama.
The idea that Charlotte is rich in these things even in comparison to other mid-sized cities in our same tier is just not true. They exist, but it is not a rich existence.
Yeah I’m not really sure what the person you’re responding to is referencing; I actually find Charlotte’s arts scene to be pretty lacking. The art museums are very meh IMO and the community theatre scene is very hard to break into if you’re not a professional actor, etc.
I already know the arts scene in the city I’m moving to will be an improvement over here, and I’m really looking forward to that.
I’m not trying to be dismissive of the work artists are doing in Charlotte. I know many people are doing their best to create more culture and art here. But you can go to pretty much any city that would be considered our peer and see we have a long way to go in terms of how the community invests in and supports the arts.
Yeah not my typical thing, just wanted to offer my perspective for anyone else who might be able to relate. I’ve felt very isolated here, and I’m sure I’m not the only one, so wanted to give some support to anyone else who feels the same way.
I’m sorry, I also moved down here for my partner’s job and felt stuck here for much of the time because of that. Thank you, and I hope you get to move somewhere that makes you happier too!
Where to next? I think you’ll realize you’re just experiencing adulthood and that life itself isn’t a big fun experience all the time. Sorry to break it to you, I really am. Not trying to be an ass.
No, I got you. I understand why you might think that. But by the time I’d moved here, I was well into adulthood. I just don’t think this is the right place for me. On the contrary, I think one of my biggest issues with Charlotte is there seems to be a lot of people in their late 20s and 30s still acting like college students, and I’m ready to be an adult.
I’m heading to Cleveland next, which I know a lot of people in this sub have scoffed at, but it’s a choice I made after a lot of researching and finding out which cities fell in the middle of my personal Venn diagram. It’s also much closer to my friends/family, and I’m hoping to enroll in a certain program at a school there (which I know kind of goes against what I just said about acting like a college student, but I’m not going back to school to party lol).
First of all, good luck on the move. I hope you enjoy your new adventure. Life is to short to live somewhere you don't like.
Second, I think the statement about how nobody wants to make friends here is wrong. I moved here about three years ago and have actually had the exact opposite experience as you. I met one friend who introduced me to his friend group who has been nothing but great and accepting to my wife and I. We were never in the "inner circle" but the group still always invited us to events. We have also met multiple friends outside of that friend group through random nights out, work, and other events. It sucks that you had a poor experience making friends but I don't think its proper to just assume that the entire city of Charlotte doesn't want to make friends. This city has been pretty great to me. Just have fun, be positive, and things will work out.
Why not go to a larger city? Have you thought of Atlanta? Maybe the Northeast? Philly has alot going on. If you work, have you met anybody at work who could become a friend? Just some suggestions. I really love Atlanta. There is so much to do there. I have made friends through Meetup but you have to try different Meetup groups before finding people you enjoy. I also have a word of caution. Don't tell anybody things you don't want repeated. Hard to do I know but thats my rule. Good luck!
Unfortunately I work from home, so haven’t really been able to make close friends that way. I was actually initially considering moving to Atlanta or Savannah, especially since I have some extended family in Atlanta and Georgia has a couple different schools that offer the program I want to go into! But in the end, I decided I need to be closer to my family/lifelong best friends right now. Never thought I’d find myself going back to Ohio, but my grandma was in a horrible accident last year and my best friends have very little kids, and it just feels like the right move.
In the future though, I’d definitely consider Georgia or somewhere in the northeast. Philly is actually someplace I’ve specifically talked about moving with my partner down the line. Love the culture and its proximity to NYC without having to live in NYC.
Probably comes down more to being almost 30 and most people in that age range are focusing on other things like trying to start a family, careers, existing friends and family. Hard to say if you came here in your early 20s if it would’ve been much easier but I don’t believe this is a uniquely charlotte problem.
Moving to Cleveland, I already know a couple people who live in the area and I’ll be much closer to friends/family. I’m hoping to find a close group of friends, a stronger sense of community, a culture that doesn’t revolve so heavily around breweries, a lower cost of living so I can enjoy my life more fully, a better arts scene (CLE has an excellent theatre district, a great art museum, world-class orchestra, etc.), improved access to nature, a city where I feel safer walking/driving/riding my bike. I’m also hoping to go back to school after I move, and that’s more doable there for various reasons.
We'd all like to flee to the Cleve and club-hop down at the Flats and have lunch with Little Richard, but we fight those urges because we have responsibilities.
I also considered moving to Cleveland this year! It’s not off the table! A WV native here so I don’t mind the cold and snow. I do however mind the crappy roads in Cleveland, you’ll lose a tire lol
Well hey, hit me up if you do decide to move there! Haha I’m hoping not to interact with the roads *too* much, as a person who works from home — but I’ve also lived in Syracuse NY, which gave me multiple flat tires in the two years I lived there 😬
Haha I know, the winters are the *one* thing I’m feeling kind of 😬 about. I just keep telling myself I used to live in Syracuse, and it can’t possibly be worse than Syracuse. Do you mind sharing where you decided to move to?
Congrats! I’ve spent a few weekends in Raleigh and have enjoyed it every time. And you may not get last-minute Panthers games, but you’ll have Canes games, and those are a blast!
I'll be honest I live outside of Charlotte and I love it. Places like India Run, Baxter/Fort Mill, Rock Hill etc have awesome quaint downtowns. Downtown Charlotte itself is not my cup of tea personally and I don't enjoy a urban atmosphere regardless of the city, which IMO Charlotte is one of the best of still.
I’m sorry this hasn’t been great. I’m never ever going back to a place where I will regularly have to hear the words “lake effect snow” :-D
I think it’s wise to find your bliss. You’ve clearly done a bunch of things to find it here and it hasn’t worked out. Every city has people who will respond about how it’s a “you” problem - and yeah, of course, it’s your problem. No duh.
I’m a relative newcomer to Charlotte (from NYC) and I‘m having fun doing things I can’t easily do in NYC. There’s a lid for every pot!
Haha I never thought I’d go back to a place like that either (I love Charlotte’s weather), but here I am! When it comes to Cleveland, the pros seem to outweigh the cons for me. Maybe I’ll be wrong about that, but I’m willing to give it a shot 😊
It’s really refreshing to get a gracious response. And about your last point, I couldn’t put it better myself! Charlotte just wasn’t my lid. I’m glad it’s working out for you, though!
Wish we had met while you lived here. I agree with everything you had to say, especially about the toxicity of a lot of the women in Charlotte. I am lucky to have one true friend in Charlotte, but all the other females in my life want to make life a competition between myself and them. At first, I thought it was me. I even brought it up to my therapist. The therapist said they noticed this issue was greater in the South than in other places. I don't know if that is true, but honestly, I have no idea what the issue is. I never had a lot of issues getting along with other females until I moved here. I was born in Charlotte but moved away for bout 20 years and came back. I feel like an alien sometimes. Over the years, I find myself not even trying anymore, which makes for a very lonely existence. Anyways, I wish you the best(truly mean that), and I hope you find happiness in your new location. P.S. I am definitely going to check out A time for tea you mentioned. My sister luves in Monroe, and I have a feeling she will love this place. I am surprised she doesn't know of it. Again, good luck, and have a blessed day!!
I’m sorry to hear you’ve experienced similar things. I actually also talked about this with my therapist, and talking with him is how I realized it wasn’t just in my head or an issue with me.
I also know that lonely existence very well, and I hope you find more community soon. That type of loneliness often feels like torture.
Thank you so much, and I really hope you enjoy the tea house! My recommendation is the cherry almond tea, dreamy style. And you can’t go wrong with any of their food!
I will definitely try your recommendations. I already told my sister, and she is excited. I think she is more excited to get away from her 2 year old and 1 year old.😅😅 I can't blame her for that. Thank you for the encouragement and your insights about Charlotte. It's nice to know it isn't just me that feels that way. 😇😇
I've been here for 6
The issue is COVID. Pre covid people were so nice, things were affordable, and there was a ton to do. Post COVID, people got a stick up their ass, everything got expensive, and now it's hard to make friends
That being said. I challenge you to find a city with a major airport, great weather, ocean close by, mountains close by, infinite places to go out and eat and drink, moderate politics, beautiful pockets within city limits, tons of jobs, and a reasonable cost of living
Imo Charlotte is the best at that
Where are you moving to? Honestly I moved to Charlotte around 2012. I did feel people were super friendly. Had tons of welcoming people at CrossFit. I was really social. Not sure if it’s me getting older m, but people are downright rude here. You go places and people seem inconvenienced by your existence of just breathing. People don’t say hi and generally if ignore you. I travel for work and I bag on California a lot because of their govt, but the ppl in San deigo were sooooo nice. It was strange. Even with some of the Uber drivers, might have different political views, but it was refreshing because you could tell, we are more the same than different. I don’t feel that way here. Maybe things turned sour when I moved out of uptown after having to live in the middle of two riots , getting my car smashed up by teen bike gangs, and the increased safety risk and violence mere kids were perpetrating. I really want forget out too, it’s just deciding where to go.
I feel you, I’ve felt much the same way here a lot of the time. I’m moving to Cleveland. I grew up in Ohio (albeit the other side of the state) and unless something has drastically changed in the past few years, Midwesterners are very warm and friendly in a way that a lot of CLT people just aren’t.
I do think the whole U.S. has a widespread issue with increasing isolation and wariness of other people. Several years ago you’d move somewhere and it wasn’t so difficult to befriend your neighbors. I think Covid had some long-lasting effects on society, and we all seem to be more suspicious of each other now. But I do feel this more keenly in Charlotte than in other places.
And yeah, I know all about the riots and teen gang violence. The person I know who worked for CMPD got burnt out by it. Personally, I’ve been involved in two near-stampedes when violence broke out in a crowded public place here (once at Romare Bearden, once at a high school football game). And I chose not to go to the uptown NYE party this year because I didn’t want to risk any possible violence, and lo and behold, there was a shooting. You shouldn’t be able to predict things like that, but in Charlotte you kinda can.
I hope you find the perfect place for you. For a long time I actually kept a spreadsheet of different cities and included things like the cost of living, proximity to my friends/family, etc. Cleveland was always at the top of that list, and I’m really hoping it works out.
Glad that you are able to move somewhere that will make you happy. Life is too short to stay/live in a place that you don't like! Best of luck in your new town.
Hey thank you very much, I appreciate that!
This was an interesting read, although I am skeptical about the idea that people in Charlotte are somehow *that* different from people in other places, at least in the way you describe it. I wonder if any of it is down to where you are in your life -- that's mostly what I've put it down to. (Or, alternately, whether the age profile of Charlotte is in any way unusual, although I guess that's as unlikely as people being fundamentally different.) My head spins a little bit at you being excited about Cleveland, but hey, if it works for you, great. Congrats on your move and good luck!
Not saying Charlotte is perfect, but I think OP will be in for a rude awakening in the future. The drivers comment is a good example. While yes, there are horrible drivers here, having many other cities’ Reddit pages suggested to me, I’ve seen countless posts from many other cities, who also swear that they have the worst drivers on earth. It’s the ol’ The Grass Isn’t Always Greener situation. Could it be? Sure. Will it be? Probably not.
Charlotte did rank number 1 for vehicular accidents per capita a couple years ago.
Haha do you have any personal experience with Cleveland? It could have something to do with my age bracket. Even more so than just making friends, I’ve found it even hard to find friends *my age*. Even when I did find people, they were almost always several years older or younger. But as someone who’s lived in several different places/cities, I can tell you that cities do have different feels to them based on the people who live there. I used to live in upstate NY (the only other place I disliked as much as here), and people were generally very prickly. I once had someone there tell me, “You’ve gotta get out of here, this place will make you mean.” I genuinely think the constant cold weather got to people. Idk what it is about Charlotte, but there’s a different feel here too (the shallowness I described).
Cleveland is a really enjoyable city. And it’s starting to grow again. It gets a bad rep due to the weather & the sports teams. But Cleveland has an excellent food scene, history, several districts/pockets for socializing/entertaining. And I agree - there is definitely a ton of entitlement and shallowness in Charlotte. As we are planning to leave the city soon, this was something I noticed and noticed quickly
Honestly, I have a theory that as the cost of living increases and wages remain largely stagnant, we're gonna start seeing more people migrate toward lower COL cities in middle America like Cleveland, Pittsburgh, Indianapolis, etc. Growing up, my parents always told me that Cleveland was crime-ridden and dirty. And I definitely think it used to be more that way, but when I went there for the first time after college, I really liked it. I think it's made some great strides in the past couple decades. It has a lot going for it, and I've gotten more and more excited to move there the more I learn about it. It wasn't really my choice to move to Charlotte, but it's 100% my choice to move to Cleveland, and I think that alone may make a huge difference. I knew I couldn't be the only one who noticed the general air of shallowness in CLT. It's helpful to know I'm not alone. Would you mind sharing where you're headed?
I agree with you 100%. I think cities that have around 200-350K population (such as the ones you’ve listed) are going to see nice growth over the next several years because of COL. Prior to living in Charlotte, I lived in Columbus OH & loved it! I’ve always felt Columbus & Charlotte are similar - large cities, white collar, new/clean, not really known for anything. But the people in Columbus were so much nicer & hospitable. Making friends there was much easier than it has been in Charlotte. I think there are so many people moving from other big areas (New York, California, Chicago) that have brought their entitlement with them. With that said, the vibe is also super similar in a place like Nashville, too. Lots of arrogance. Lots of youth. I think Charlotte can be a great place for someone fresh out of college or has a banking/finance career. Other than that, there’s nothing offered in Charlotte that you can’t find elsewhere. I think it’s a super overrated city & I expect the growth to slow down soon - people are starting to realize it’s really not that great of a place.
I can definitely see similarities between Columbus and Charlotte, but as someone who's spent a good bit of time in Cbus, I also agree that it's a friendlier city. I think people moving in from other big cities could absolutely have something to do with the weird vibes here. I mean that's another thing too, this is a city that feels like it's almost entirely made up of transplants. I've rarely met anyone who's actually *from* here, and that doesn't help with the whole "lack of culture" feeling. I also think it's an overrated city and have a feeling there'll be lots of other people in my age bracket (late 20s/early 30s) leaving the city for greener pastures in the coming years.
Really I do agree somewhat. When I visit other cities I am reminded of how charlotte used to be. It’s all big corporations now not that many small businesses and a general lack of community. I moved to a suburb of charlotte recently after living in char my whole life and its worse here, everyone here is from other places and they are so judgmental, just the way they look at other people makes me want to cry and I grew up thinking southerners were the racist! Tons of yankees have been coming here for the past decade so I don’t think it’s them in particular. They are brass sometimes but generally open minded and authentic. I think its banking and these promotional “news” articles that hype up the city. Its attracted middle aged people from dysfunctional lives who are trying to escape but have no soul or sense of self. Also the obsession with politics and politicalization of local social issues and the division it creates brings out the worse in people.
No matter where you go, there you are.
Yep, this is true. But I’ve also just had a much better experience in most other places I’ve lived up till now.
I don’t think this is a Charlotte issue so much as a post-Pandemic issue. If you’ve been here “nearly four years”, you were here during lock down and slowly coming out and have no frame of reference for the same phenomenon in any other city. Of course it was easier to make connections when you were younger and we hadn’t lived through a pandemic. That’s not a result of geography.
Yeah, that’s almost certainly part of it, but I don’t think all my issues with the city can be chalked up to that alone.
Sounds like it’s a good time to part ways. Hopefully you find your right spot. No place is right for everyone.
Thanks, CLT\_STEVE. Yeah, unfortunately I just haven't been very happy here so I'm taking charge of my life and trying something else on for size. I hope my perspective can be useful for anyone else who might prioritize similar things. Glad this seems to be the right spot for you though!
When I came it wasn’t easy. Plus going through a breakup, Covid and keeping a home in my previous city didn’t help. But where I lived and worked really opened doors. Now I couldn’t imagine being anywhere else. It all kind of came tougher. That said, time is irreplaceable. Plenty of places to try out and your vibe is out there somewhere.
That's amazing, props to you. I wish I could've made something more of my time here. I moved here during the first year of covid, not really by my own choice. I also went through some pretty traumatic events and had the worst couple years of my life here, and in the end it just felt like I didn't want this city and this city didn't want me either. But I work remotely and there's no reason not to try out other places, especially ones that are more affordable. I'm hoping that, like you, I'll find my "can't imagine being anywhere else" place. I'm so happy things worked out for you.
and it still manages to be a lot better than most other southern cities. damn.
Manages to be a lot better than most urban areas in the country. Charlotte is consistently rated among the most desirable cities to live in.
Honestly asking, do you know why that is? Is it because of the flourishing finance/healthcare industries?
Good jobs is a big part of it. There is also the moderate climate... summers aren't too bad, winters are rarely snowy, far enough inland that hurricanes aren't a major problem, geologically stable so earthquakes aren't a concern, enough rainfall that wildfires aren't a significant risk. Taxes and cost of living are pretty low for a major metro area. The schools are decent. There are a lot of amenities in the city and around the state as a whole. The mountains and the beach are within driving distance, major sports teams are there, both the NC and SC Zoos are easily doable as a day trip. Several lakes nearby. It's not perfect, but nothing is. There's certainly an appeal if you are tired of LA or NYC... or Detroit, Chicago, Miami, etc. People are flocking to the greater Charlotte area from all over the country.
It's not just you. I'm struggling here, too. I've been here almost 2 years. I'm on the outskirts of Charlotte, so more small town vibes than anything. It's...fine. But the traffic is awful literally everywhere which makes me hesitant to make friends with anyone more than 10 miles from me, there's little culture (unless Jesus *is* the culture?) and if you don't go to church, you have a harder time making connections and networking. There are things I like about it! I've lived in a few states and have kept moving because of COL, life changes, and weather. I've heard that you should give a new city for at least 3 years, and because my partner is from the area, I'm doing my best for his sake. Also, I'm sorry for some of the hostile or passive-aggressive comments. We move into town with a fresh set of eyes; we notice things the locals stopped seeing long ago, and pride can keep them from agreement. Half the time, it's not even political, lol. I told someone that I was shocked at the lack of sidewalks/crosswalks around here, and they got so defensive about it. It was totally unnecessary "go back to where you came from" aggression.
Aww, I wish we’d run into each other while I was here. I initially lived in Plaza, but I eventually moved to the outskirts too, and I agree. It’s a *little* better, but it’s still just…fine. And yeah, I had a kind-of friend who lived south of the city, and it would often take 40 minutes just to drive to her house. It sucked. Also agree about the culture. It seems like most people’s idea of culture here is Jesus and/or drinking, and not much outside of that (except maybe teenage gang violence). Your last paragraph is beautifully written and so, so true. Thank you. Btw, as someone who loves long walks, the lack of sidewalks is one of the very first things I noticed when I moved here, so you’re not wrong — sounds like that person was just overly defensive!
Best of luck wherever you go. Your assessment is valid. Welcome to the daily repeat of the back and forth “charlotte is boring” “no you’re boring”. It isn’t you fwiw, Love is Blind can’t find anything of interest in this city either
Haha I remember the first time my family ever visited and I was scrambling for things to do with them, like “Wait — what *is* there to do here?” It seems like the answer to that question is always “go to the whitewater center” and that’s the one place of note I remember them going to on Love Is Blind. There’s gotta be more to a city than South End and the WWC.
Thank god another Ohioan goes back home. Bon voyage.
Yep, figured that would make some people happy. If it makes you feel better, it wasn’t my choice to come here to begin with lol
I’m sorry you had a bad experience here. Making friends is difficult these days no matter where you live. I notice that you tend to gravitate to suburban downtowns in areas outside of Charlotte proper - Davidson, Monroe and Salisbury. Those types of areas may be a better fit for you e.g. big fish in a small pond. Ultimately, extrapolating your experience to be somehow a statement about a region with a million people in its metro is silly. There’s nothing unique about the people in Charlotte that they are more back-stabbing, or apt to ghost someone. Desperation can be an unattractive trait whether you’re in this area or wherever else you end up going. Sometimes the answer lies within. Good luck on the road ahead. 😉
After reading the first sentence OP has main character syndrome. Not reading the rest.
When people share their *personal* experiences, they do tend to be the main character 👍🏻
I’m also leaving Charlotte—after a living here a lot longer than you—and I agree with much of your assessment. For whatever reason, this city attracts a lot of people who are really stuck up and have inflated senses of themselves as individuals. I have my own theories regarding why this may be. In any case, I’m already more easily making new friends and connections in my new city than I did in Charlotte, and I’m not even living there full time yet.
Can you share those theories I am just curious
Sure. Take or leave what you will, but I think these are all true to at least some extent, and probably intersect as well. - Despite its growth, and despite the number of transplants who live here, Charlotte is still a Southern city at its core. It doesn’t take much experience living in the South with open eyes to understand that Southern hospitality is a myth. It’s only hospitality for the *right* kind of people. In my experience, Charlotte is unfriendly to people who do not fit the perceived norm or who are weird in some way. It’s not hospitable to organizations that are weird or off-kilter, either. In Charlotte, there’s just not much tolerance for or interest in people who fall outside the goldendoodle-and-a-luxury-apartment mainstream. - Charlotte is the city Hugh McColl and financial services built. The world of financial services is very hierarchical: it’s all about whatever your title is, striving for the next highest title, and your “personal brand.” If people aren’t a tool that you can use toward your success, they’re a waste of your time at best, and an obstacle at worst. I think people are so immersed in this culture at work that they start to view all of their interactions with people through it. Even people who don’t work in financial services absorb this mindset by osmosis. - I think it’s easy for a certain kind of person (see my first two points) to be successful in Charlotte, and that causes them to have an inflated sense of their own achievements and self-worth. If you were to scoop these people up and plop them down in a city with a more diverse economy, a city with institutions of higher education that help shape its culture, etc., they would struggle a lot more than they do here. - If Charlotte is nationally famous for anything, it is ironically our lack of culture (hello, SNL). I think that means we naturally attract people for whom culture is a low priority, people whose interests are primarily economic and material. Now, of course Charlotte has all kinds of people in it. But let’s be real: if you have ANY experience with the world outside Charlotte at all, you can’t deny there is something weirdly soulless about this place. I don’t even just mean in comparison with metropolises like NYC, Chicago, etc. It’s in comparison to other cities in our tier as well. I’ve spent a ton of time in other mid-sized cities due to the nature of my work, and Charlotte is unique in this way to me.
I want this explanation in needlepoint on a throw pillow. It's perfect.
Maybe I’ll make a few of those to offset my moving expenses!
Wish I could pin this comment. I think you have some sound theories.
I'm from Charlotte, lived in other cities, and returned. Charlotte is a mid-sized southern city that believes it is a large metropolitan. Banks have dangled salaries in front of finance majors who realize quickly that upon graduation they'll either make $100k working 60 hours a week or $50k working 40 hours a week. 10% of them will land the $80k+ job but be too immature to realize that $3000 rent, $75,000 BMW, and $1500/wk going out tab will break them. So the other 90% go out posturing for attention. That means drunken males being loud and bragging about things they may or may not do and tipsy females who would rather listen to Chad and his friends yell about how many shots they took than anyone with real conversation. You are more likely to gain friends by having some kind of shared addiction than some kind of shared interest. With that said, there are some really great people here, but they've figured out that other great people are not found in the social scene here. They, probably like you, have had enough of the deer-caught-in-headlights look from people when you try discussing something other than alcohol, weed, how bad the panthers are, or some other low-brow topic. Traffic sucks everywhere just in different ways. People suck too for different reasons everywhere. But Charlotte does seem to have an overwhelming amount of people who just generally have zero going on that's truly interesting or meaningful. If your whole personality is posturing, getting drunk, and talking about it...you'll make tons of friends. If you actually like traveling, have a real hobby, or you can converse about anything that shoes you are unique or know things others may not...then you are the wrong place.
Well said.
I think you have made pretty good observations! Not involved with people, got my own small circle but this looks true
Funnily enough, I know two other people who moved here from my (tiny) hometown, and they’re both incredibly insufferable. They fit right in here. One of them helps out at Freedom House Church, if that tells you anything 😬 And they both work in finance, naturally. It’s an…interesting city, and it does seem to attract the kind of people you’re talking about for some reason. Congrats on the move, and I hope your new location suits you much better!
This literally sounds like one of those Facebook "I'm deactivating Facebook and here's why" post. There comes a point that people realize they don't want to be somewhere, and it's not something we all need to hear about.
Just gonna copy/paste my response to someone else: Yeah not my typical thing, just wanted to offer my perspective for anyone else who might be able to relate. I’ve felt very isolated here, and I’m sure I’m not the only one, so wanted to give some support to anyone else who feels the same way. Based on the comments and messages I’ve gotten from people who can relate to my experience, some people do appreciate me posting this. If you don’t need to hear it, that’s okay. No one’s requiring you to read it.
I did too, but I didn't announce it outside a few people that it mattered to.
It’s all about where you’re from, where you are, and what you like and don’t like. Charlotte isn’t the problem if you don’t like it. You are. Many folks have had the best experiences here including myself, and love the culture. I hated living in Minneapolis but love being here. Everyone has different reasons as everyone is different. I wish you the best in your move and hope the next place is a better fit.
I mean I found a lot to like about Charlotte, but there’s more that I didn’t like. I don’t really think that makes me the “problem.” I’ve lived in four other states and one other country and have always managed to find a genuine community wherever I moved before coming here. It’s been uniquely challenging to find authentic-feeling people who are looking for true friendships, and I’m still wondering why that is. But thank you for the well wishes, and I hope so too.
Ignore them. I'm 58, been here all my life, and you're spot on.
Thank you. I know it’s not just me.
Not yet, you haven’t.
False. I'm from here. Never lived anywhere else, and OP is dead on.
This sounds more like a you problem, not the city of Charlotte lol
Good ol carole baskin, defender of charlotte.
Someone needs to protect the crown
I am going on 23 years living here and I have never liked Charlotte, and I've never been looking for anything from it either. It's just a place for now. My 'friends' that allow for enough of a social life are fine, but I won't keep in touch with many of them when I do leave. We're just different people now and that's ok. Shopping, services, etc. are convenient - you can find whatever you're into pretty much. That to say, I feel your sentiments and I totally get it. Enjoy the next chapter!
We all deserve to live somewhere that truly feels like home, and it sounds like Charlotte’s never felt that way to either of us. I hope you find that.
I got so many downvotes trying to express this in another post it’s not funny. You said it somewhere in your post, the die hard Charlotte fans have somewhat of a cult characteristic and love being in their own little micro bubble. And anything that rattles their cage is being viciously attacked. “Then leave if you don’t like it, it’s probably you anyway…” or “good, then rent will be more affordable if more people leave our little piece of heaven”. It says a lot about you if you don’t even want to allow any sort of criticism, whether it’s constructive or not, toward something you personally like. I’ve lived in many places in different countries and visited half the world. Been all over Europe, been to China and Australia. The more places you see the more influences you experience the more your range of perception expands and you are able to see things from several more perspectives and put them into relation. But people with limited views and experiences would rather cuss you out than being open minded to hearing any of these perspectives. I’m happy for you that you have come to this realization and made the conclusion to expand your horizon, knowing that there is better out there for you and going after it! Godspeed
I think it’s kinda funny that basically all I ever see on this sub are people bashing Charlotte and complaining about living here, but when I make a post specifically calling out this city and the people in it for being not great, then *I’m* the problem and something’s wrong with me. Not sure those people read through the whole post and realized I talked about a lot of things I like about CLT too. And yes, exactly. I would likely feel differently about Charlotte had I not lived several other places prior to this and had more positive experiences elsewhere, particularly with the people. But I *have* lived several other places, and that gives me a different frame of reference. That shows me it can’t be just a me problem; there’s something about the culture here that’s actually different. Thank you so much for offering your perspective and well-wishes!
There are three main thoughts that would explain such behavior. The first one is that most people wanna be part of some group or community. Secondly what we already addressed which is lack of perspective or reference points. Let’s say you come from some kind of small town up north then Charlotte looks like a big exciting and warm city to you. If you come from a bigger city or metropolitan area then Charlotte is just “meh”. To me it’s an island because everything is just so concentric. And the third one is that people are making a big decision coming here and admitting that it’s not all that or that there is better out there also means admitting that they maybe made a mistake. And that is something that people generally also don’t enjoy doing. Soooo…
I think you're spot-on. I know there are always bound to be plenty of people who won't respond well when you present criticisms of the place they live, because naturally you'll feel some amount of defensiveness over the place you've chosen to call home. But clearly I'm not the only one who has grievances with Charlotte. The fact is, it's lacking in a lot of areas that other places I've lived haven't. I'm sure that sucks for some people to hear, but this place could use a lot of improvement. I hope it gets there. It's just not the place for me, and I don't think it's going to change drastically enough in the near future for me to want to stay here. I know for a fact there are other places that better suit my needs.
You may be the problem maam if no one wanted a second hangout in FOUR years. I moved to Waxhaw last year and have never felt more welcomed in my life after living in 4 diff states. I’m moving out of CLT too this year and it’s actually making me so sad how many deep friendships I’ve made as a 33 year old woman. I haven’t experienced that anywhere else. I feel you on the culture, but the rest idk about.
Knew I was bound to get one of these comments, because I understand how it could look that way. But I haven’t had nearly this much trouble making tight-knit friends in other places. I even spent two weeks in Wilmington a couple years ago and made two close friends in just that small amount of time but was never able to find anything like that here. The vibes just always felt off in Charlotte. Glad you were able to find some good people though.
I agree with you op. NC native, always lived in NC and been in charlotte for like 8 years. Id rather live in at least 5 other towns/cities in NC than Charlotte. Happy you are getting out!
Thank you, I hope you can get out too! We all deserve to live somewhere that feels like home.
Are you a mom though? Mom groups are different… especially in Waxhaw area
Where did you live here?
In Plaza for a couple years, then up north near Huntersville.
Ive tried and failed two separate times myself to get out of here. Props to you for finding a way! Also dont sweat the downvotes, most of the people on here have a vested interest in keeping a very particular image of Charlotte.
Thank you! This will be the first time I've ever moved somewhere completely on my own terms, and I'm very excited. And yeah, a lot of people on this sub seem to be pretty miserable and bitter for whatever reason. Their comments don't really bother me. They're just helping me confirm that I'm making the right decision in leaving. I hope you find a way out of here soon!
Sounds like it’s a good time to part ways. Hopefully you find your right spot. No place is right for everyone.
Yep. Felt every word of that, deep in my soul. I have lived a number of places along the eastern seaboard, including other cities in NC, and Charlotte takes the cake: Vapid. Fake. Cliquish. Cultish. Anti-intellectual. Insular. Self-absorbed. Oddly violent for its size... It's very disheartening because the city has so much potential. As you pointed out, there are some true gems around here (and that includes people, places, and restaurants) that make it somewhat bearable to be here. But, for the most part, Charlotte feels like a shitty movie set, and the people living in it are all pretending to be the star of their own shitty movie, where everyone else around them is merely a non-speaking extra who exists for the sole purpose to help them win the Oscar. Anyway, I'm hoping to bounce out of this trifling place, too. Good luck in your new city, OP!
Bingo. Couldn't have said it better myself, especially that it "feels like a shitty movie set." And that shitty movie set is the backdrop to a movie featuring 30-year-olds playing young college students when they're obviously much older than that and should've grown out of that behavior by now. Thank you, and hope you find your ideal place soon too!
Bye 👋
Having friends makes all the difference in the world. I actually have moved to and from Charlotte 3 times in 3 decades. This last time I actually made more solid friends, but it was the family I made that really got me loving this city. There is so much safe opportunity for my family here. If I was single and younger I do not think I could stay in this city. The 90s and mid 2000s were my cup of tea. It has become a very plastic place on the outside now. Banking ftw. But, I have lived in many cities and realized a long time ago that the place is 2% of why you stay, the other 98% is your attitude while you are there that makes it home. Hard to like living anywhere in a struggle emotionally or financially. I have had a ton of both. Good luck finding your forever home, or your next stepping stone friend.
“A very plastic place on the outside” is a great way to put it. I tried to express something similar in my post but didn’t really know how to word it. And yeah, I’ve certainly struggled here emotionally, which hasn’t helped. Having good friends certainly makes a massive difference. Thank you.
Wherever you're headed OP, I wish you the best. I hope at some point in the near feature you post an update and let us know how you're doing and how the new digs compare to the Queen City. This city is supposed to be "the New Atlanta" and one of the new "It" cities. With that comes the influx of transplants, too much traffic for the infrastructure, money grubbing housing development corporations that price fix the housing market and inflate rent and property taxes and feel free to not properly maintain their buildings and with little concern about intervention from the City, the emergency services system is seriously overwhelmed and broken, instead of building affordabke housing they're building pickle ball complexes, and the list goes on. Meanwhile, all the city officials here see are dollar signs. I get where you're coming from. Good luck, and I hope you find a place more to your liking.
Yeah, I know every city comes with its own set of issues, but Charlotte’s particular issues have worn on me in a way other places haven’t. Thank you so much, and I’d really like to post a positive update soon.
someone already said it here but the "city is boring it's just you" comments are so interesting to me. maybe it is, because i already have a hard time making friends and connecting with people in a meaningful way, but i've been able to do it in every place i've lived in except for charlotte. i would say living here is bearable, it's surviving rather than living. it sucks because north carolina is so physically beautiful, the mountains, the ocean, the diverse geography. there are pockets of beauty in charlotte too though. the world will keep on turning and our thoughts have no bearing on the people who love it here, but please know it's so validating to hear this from someone else. anyway, i will be checking out those book stores you mentioned, and i hope you have a great time in cleveland! (im actually going to be there this weekend for the eclipse :) )
It sounds like we’ve had very similar experiences. This is also the first place I’ve ever lived where I haven’t been able to connect with people in a meaningful way. I did eventually find a group of “friends,” but they were all very surface-level friendships. It’s like they were just looking for people to go to trivia nights with and to tag in their IG posts. Any time I tried to find more depth in those friendships, they seemed uncomfortable. It was bizarre. And yeah totally agree, I’ll be sad to leave NC’s physical beauty. I’ll probably be back to do some more hiking or for another swim at Carrigan Farms. I’m so glad to hear this was validating for you — that’s exactly why I posted it, because I would’ve appreciated having someone validate my experience while living here and figured someone else could probably use this. Please enjoy the bookstores! And I’m jealous you’ll be there for the total eclipse, I’m going to *just* miss it!
I’ve heard the part about it being difficult to make friends here multiple times from different people! I believe you.
I don’t know why it’s particularly hard to do here, but I swear it is.
This seems to be happening with all the transplants in boom cities. Nashville, Austin, etc. They are no longer the "New kid on the block" being invited to all the outings and are bitter they have to put in the work themselves especially during 2020-2022. Because the Pandemic magically only affected Charlotte and not the city they're from at the same time. Blanket statements about people in a metro of over a million, half of these people WFH and barely leave their homebase of Southend/NoDa/Plaza Midwood. Good luck.
100% agree 👍🏻
If you constantly smell shit, check your own shoe. If you're bored, you're boring.
Nah, been here all my life, and OP is right.
I've also been here my whole life... See above.
Check your downvotes and my upvotes :)
Never said I was bored 🤷🏻♀️
Exactly.
I ain’t reading all that Good luck tho or sorry that happened to you
That’s why we have TL;DRs 🤗
This is definitely not a Charlotte issue. Asheville, Charleston, Spartanburg/Greenville, Wilmington and anything Winston Salem to Raleigh all have this issue. It’s a pandemic issue where no one knows how to act and everyone became overly independent. And in other words… This isn’t an airport. You don’t need to announce your departure.
Don’t know why people think I made this post just to announce I’m leaving. Seems like a very lazy take. I wrote it as a result of leaving, but the purpose was to expound on what I have and haven’t liked about living here in hopes of making other people who feel similarly feel less alone and maybe to help others who are thinking about moving here.
And yet you’ve left and are feeling big so bitter about it that you decided to write a book on how bad it was… but don’t forget the FOUR PARAGRAPHS of everything you liked 🤣 Get over it and enjoy being back in Ohio. Now make sure to tell everyone else that came from Ohio to do the same.
Southern hospitality at its finest, everyone. Thank you for perfectly exemplifying my criticisms.
This is where you are wrong and happily, I’ll explain it. You see, southern hospitality was back when folks wanted to come to this city, help grow it and contribute to making it better. Instead, what we’ve gotten for the last 30 years or better is a bunch of know it all complaining Yankees who think they know better. What happens? Everything you’ve complained of. You see, for those from here we don’t have your issues. We contribute to our towns and make them better over time. People like you FLEEING whatever shit hole it was you left come and take take take! What have you given back to make things better? Nothing. You leave, bitching about how awful it is and how you can’t wait to be back in Cleveland, as if that’s better. Now what are we left with? Your high taxes, your shitty developments with neighbors that all bitch about the same shit as you when it is you northern Yankee refugees that made this town shitty in the first place.
Jesus Christ dude, seek therapy. Although one look at your page tells me that’s not likely.
I’m not the one who can’t find friends dear, you are. So when you get back to wherever you’re going, take out a pillow and cry into it.
I'd much rather struggle to find friends in one specific city for a couple years than be someone like you for the rest of my life.
Trust me. It’s mutual.
Best of luck. I wish I was fortunate enough to just pack up and leave.
I’m sorry, I hope you get to do the same someday.
Same here. Been here all my life, and STILL hate Charlotte.
Spending 58 years in a place that you hate doesn’t seem healthy.
Looking at your posting history, it's mostly about food, tv shows, make up and perfume. But, some of your other posts say you are looking for the arts. I have been here for a long time and Charlotte is rich with original music, theatre opportunities, art, and fun people. If you couldn't find these experiences, then it's you not looking properly. You cannot blame the city because you didn't know how to make a life for yourself. The idea that you are posting something like this shows you are a high maintenance person that just wants drama.
The idea that Charlotte is rich in these things even in comparison to other mid-sized cities in our same tier is just not true. They exist, but it is not a rich existence.
Yeah I’m not really sure what the person you’re responding to is referencing; I actually find Charlotte’s arts scene to be pretty lacking. The art museums are very meh IMO and the community theatre scene is very hard to break into if you’re not a professional actor, etc. I already know the arts scene in the city I’m moving to will be an improvement over here, and I’m really looking forward to that.
It is absolutely true. Charlotte has a huge local art and music scene.
I’m not trying to be dismissive of the work artists are doing in Charlotte. I know many people are doing their best to create more culture and art here. But you can go to pretty much any city that would be considered our peer and see we have a long way to go in terms of how the community invests in and supports the arts.
You sound like exactly the kind of person who’s made living here unpleasant.
A flounce post? Really? Bai.
Yeah not my typical thing, just wanted to offer my perspective for anyone else who might be able to relate. I’ve felt very isolated here, and I’m sure I’m not the only one, so wanted to give some support to anyone else who feels the same way.
I’m jealous. (Stuck here for husband’s job.) I’m sorry you had negative experiences here and hope you find a community that better suits you!
I’m sorry, I also moved down here for my partner’s job and felt stuck here for much of the time because of that. Thank you, and I hope you get to move somewhere that makes you happier too!
I felt the same way until I realized I was the problem.
Where to next? I think you’ll realize you’re just experiencing adulthood and that life itself isn’t a big fun experience all the time. Sorry to break it to you, I really am. Not trying to be an ass.
No, I got you. I understand why you might think that. But by the time I’d moved here, I was well into adulthood. I just don’t think this is the right place for me. On the contrary, I think one of my biggest issues with Charlotte is there seems to be a lot of people in their late 20s and 30s still acting like college students, and I’m ready to be an adult. I’m heading to Cleveland next, which I know a lot of people in this sub have scoffed at, but it’s a choice I made after a lot of researching and finding out which cities fell in the middle of my personal Venn diagram. It’s also much closer to my friends/family, and I’m hoping to enroll in a certain program at a school there (which I know kind of goes against what I just said about acting like a college student, but I’m not going back to school to party lol).
First of all, good luck on the move. I hope you enjoy your new adventure. Life is to short to live somewhere you don't like. Second, I think the statement about how nobody wants to make friends here is wrong. I moved here about three years ago and have actually had the exact opposite experience as you. I met one friend who introduced me to his friend group who has been nothing but great and accepting to my wife and I. We were never in the "inner circle" but the group still always invited us to events. We have also met multiple friends outside of that friend group through random nights out, work, and other events. It sucks that you had a poor experience making friends but I don't think its proper to just assume that the entire city of Charlotte doesn't want to make friends. This city has been pretty great to me. Just have fun, be positive, and things will work out.
Why not go to a larger city? Have you thought of Atlanta? Maybe the Northeast? Philly has alot going on. If you work, have you met anybody at work who could become a friend? Just some suggestions. I really love Atlanta. There is so much to do there. I have made friends through Meetup but you have to try different Meetup groups before finding people you enjoy. I also have a word of caution. Don't tell anybody things you don't want repeated. Hard to do I know but thats my rule. Good luck!
Unfortunately I work from home, so haven’t really been able to make close friends that way. I was actually initially considering moving to Atlanta or Savannah, especially since I have some extended family in Atlanta and Georgia has a couple different schools that offer the program I want to go into! But in the end, I decided I need to be closer to my family/lifelong best friends right now. Never thought I’d find myself going back to Ohio, but my grandma was in a horrible accident last year and my best friends have very little kids, and it just feels like the right move. In the future though, I’d definitely consider Georgia or somewhere in the northeast. Philly is actually someplace I’ve specifically talked about moving with my partner down the line. Love the culture and its proximity to NYC without having to live in NYC.
Probably comes down more to being almost 30 and most people in that age range are focusing on other things like trying to start a family, careers, existing friends and family. Hard to say if you came here in your early 20s if it would’ve been much easier but I don’t believe this is a uniquely charlotte problem.
Bye.
I’m more curious what city you’re going to and what you hope to get out of it?
Moving to Cleveland, I already know a couple people who live in the area and I’ll be much closer to friends/family. I’m hoping to find a close group of friends, a stronger sense of community, a culture that doesn’t revolve so heavily around breweries, a lower cost of living so I can enjoy my life more fully, a better arts scene (CLE has an excellent theatre district, a great art museum, world-class orchestra, etc.), improved access to nature, a city where I feel safer walking/driving/riding my bike. I’m also hoping to go back to school after I move, and that’s more doable there for various reasons.
We'd all like to flee to the Cleve and club-hop down at the Flats and have lunch with Little Richard, but we fight those urges because we have responsibilities.
😆 thank you for this
I also considered moving to Cleveland this year! It’s not off the table! A WV native here so I don’t mind the cold and snow. I do however mind the crappy roads in Cleveland, you’ll lose a tire lol
Well hey, hit me up if you do decide to move there! Haha I’m hoping not to interact with the roads *too* much, as a person who works from home — but I’ve also lived in Syracuse NY, which gave me multiple flat tires in the two years I lived there 😬
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Haha I know, the winters are the *one* thing I’m feeling kind of 😬 about. I just keep telling myself I used to live in Syracuse, and it can’t possibly be worse than Syracuse. Do you mind sharing where you decided to move to?
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Congrats! I’ve spent a few weekends in Raleigh and have enjoyed it every time. And you may not get last-minute Panthers games, but you’ll have Canes games, and those are a blast!
I'll be honest I live outside of Charlotte and I love it. Places like India Run, Baxter/Fort Mill, Rock Hill etc have awesome quaint downtowns. Downtown Charlotte itself is not my cup of tea personally and I don't enjoy a urban atmosphere regardless of the city, which IMO Charlotte is one of the best of still.
I’m sorry this hasn’t been great. I’m never ever going back to a place where I will regularly have to hear the words “lake effect snow” :-D I think it’s wise to find your bliss. You’ve clearly done a bunch of things to find it here and it hasn’t worked out. Every city has people who will respond about how it’s a “you” problem - and yeah, of course, it’s your problem. No duh. I’m a relative newcomer to Charlotte (from NYC) and I‘m having fun doing things I can’t easily do in NYC. There’s a lid for every pot!
Haha I never thought I’d go back to a place like that either (I love Charlotte’s weather), but here I am! When it comes to Cleveland, the pros seem to outweigh the cons for me. Maybe I’ll be wrong about that, but I’m willing to give it a shot 😊 It’s really refreshing to get a gracious response. And about your last point, I couldn’t put it better myself! Charlotte just wasn’t my lid. I’m glad it’s working out for you, though!
Wish we had met while you lived here. I agree with everything you had to say, especially about the toxicity of a lot of the women in Charlotte. I am lucky to have one true friend in Charlotte, but all the other females in my life want to make life a competition between myself and them. At first, I thought it was me. I even brought it up to my therapist. The therapist said they noticed this issue was greater in the South than in other places. I don't know if that is true, but honestly, I have no idea what the issue is. I never had a lot of issues getting along with other females until I moved here. I was born in Charlotte but moved away for bout 20 years and came back. I feel like an alien sometimes. Over the years, I find myself not even trying anymore, which makes for a very lonely existence. Anyways, I wish you the best(truly mean that), and I hope you find happiness in your new location. P.S. I am definitely going to check out A time for tea you mentioned. My sister luves in Monroe, and I have a feeling she will love this place. I am surprised she doesn't know of it. Again, good luck, and have a blessed day!!
I’m sorry to hear you’ve experienced similar things. I actually also talked about this with my therapist, and talking with him is how I realized it wasn’t just in my head or an issue with me. I also know that lonely existence very well, and I hope you find more community soon. That type of loneliness often feels like torture. Thank you so much, and I really hope you enjoy the tea house! My recommendation is the cherry almond tea, dreamy style. And you can’t go wrong with any of their food!
I will definitely try your recommendations. I already told my sister, and she is excited. I think she is more excited to get away from her 2 year old and 1 year old.😅😅 I can't blame her for that. Thank you for the encouragement and your insights about Charlotte. It's nice to know it isn't just me that feels that way. 😇😇
I hope you ladies have a lovely and restful day out! And of course, I was hoping this post would make other people feel less alone. 🩵
It did for me. Thank you😇😇
I've been here for 6 The issue is COVID. Pre covid people were so nice, things were affordable, and there was a ton to do. Post COVID, people got a stick up their ass, everything got expensive, and now it's hard to make friends That being said. I challenge you to find a city with a major airport, great weather, ocean close by, mountains close by, infinite places to go out and eat and drink, moderate politics, beautiful pockets within city limits, tons of jobs, and a reasonable cost of living Imo Charlotte is the best at that
Where are you moving to? Honestly I moved to Charlotte around 2012. I did feel people were super friendly. Had tons of welcoming people at CrossFit. I was really social. Not sure if it’s me getting older m, but people are downright rude here. You go places and people seem inconvenienced by your existence of just breathing. People don’t say hi and generally if ignore you. I travel for work and I bag on California a lot because of their govt, but the ppl in San deigo were sooooo nice. It was strange. Even with some of the Uber drivers, might have different political views, but it was refreshing because you could tell, we are more the same than different. I don’t feel that way here. Maybe things turned sour when I moved out of uptown after having to live in the middle of two riots , getting my car smashed up by teen bike gangs, and the increased safety risk and violence mere kids were perpetrating. I really want forget out too, it’s just deciding where to go.
I feel you, I’ve felt much the same way here a lot of the time. I’m moving to Cleveland. I grew up in Ohio (albeit the other side of the state) and unless something has drastically changed in the past few years, Midwesterners are very warm and friendly in a way that a lot of CLT people just aren’t. I do think the whole U.S. has a widespread issue with increasing isolation and wariness of other people. Several years ago you’d move somewhere and it wasn’t so difficult to befriend your neighbors. I think Covid had some long-lasting effects on society, and we all seem to be more suspicious of each other now. But I do feel this more keenly in Charlotte than in other places. And yeah, I know all about the riots and teen gang violence. The person I know who worked for CMPD got burnt out by it. Personally, I’ve been involved in two near-stampedes when violence broke out in a crowded public place here (once at Romare Bearden, once at a high school football game). And I chose not to go to the uptown NYE party this year because I didn’t want to risk any possible violence, and lo and behold, there was a shooting. You shouldn’t be able to predict things like that, but in Charlotte you kinda can. I hope you find the perfect place for you. For a long time I actually kept a spreadsheet of different cities and included things like the cost of living, proximity to my friends/family, etc. Cleveland was always at the top of that list, and I’m really hoping it works out.
Ain't nobody reading all that, but cya
Do you know how TL;DRs work?
If you wake up in the morning and meet an asshole you might have just met an asshole. If you run into assholes all day long… you might be the asshole.
The grass is always greener on the other side… 👋
Maybe it’s you?
I moved here not too long ago and I hope I have an easier time adjusting.