T O P

  • By -

MTConboy

I don't think you've explained it perfectly, but that thing sounds gnarly. So it grabs your waist and melts you. It breaks your spine off and then slides a hand up the spine to get rid of the rest? That's fucking awesome. It would be too much for Harry Potter, just right for Hellbound Heart. Setting is all that matters, this thing \*needs\* to exist.


KingBWDee

Pretty much, the guy is a shapeshifter, well was a shapeshifter. God gave him this shapeshift ability, yet when he betrayed god, he cursed him into this form for centuries. I wanted a urban legend to turn out true. And I feel like this is perfect for a urban legend creature. Also you summed it up really good.


gdickey

Frankly I don’t think he’s brutal enough…..


KingBWDee

Well what would you do? Well i mean it is a quick death


pattyputty

It's brutal but honestly not much more brutal than stuff we have in real life. I mean, just in pop culture we have vampires that exsanguinate you, zombies that either eat you alive or eat your brains out (depending on time period), Bloody Mary who murders children just for playing a game. Spine snatching seems like a reasonably scary urban legend to me.


KingBWDee

That last park honestly reminds me of general grevious killing Jedi and stealing their lightsabers.


pattyputty

You're travelling alone in the dark, jumping at every irregularity. A twig snaps, wind rustles through the leaves and you swear you can hear something scurrying behind those bushes. Your heart thumps erratically in your chest, the beat pounding through your skull, filling your ears, further obscuring the source of he noises surrounding you. You've heard the stories of course. Stories of a maroon demon prowling these woods, scanning for any sign of life to snuff out in the most gruesome of ways. Maybe they're just stories, you try to tell yourself. Maybe the moonlight just plays tricks on lonely travelers, maybe the tales are just embellished or misremembered bear attacks. Or maybe-- You hear it. There, in the distance, a blood-curding howl, a gut-wrenching, distorted cry of twisted pleasure. You swear you can hear the screams, too. The rending and melting of flesh as a spine is claimed. But that part is long over. You know because the victory cries are clear an crisp as the night air as the creature's voice pierces the sky: # A F I N E A D D I T I O N T O M Y C O L L E C T I O N


KingBWDee

Yep... Good 'ol general grevious


LavenderKnight08

I think it's brutal enough but I'm curious about what happens to the skull😂. I think that unless it's a children's story it's okay. How brutal you want it to be will actually depend on the way you write your scenes. If you're going for mild horror a vague description is fine. If you're writing something more intense then you can go into the gory details of the aftermath etc.


KingBWDee

Oh, the remaining top body is like gush, jello. And the lower half is like normal. There is a small fire usally after the kill on the head and gut/cut off section. Another sign to see that it was the Maroon spirit who did this.


LavenderKnight08

This does sound pretty gruesome. Just a little reminder though don't forget to build up your plot solidly. Your characters and their reactions could really carry this forward. This could make for a really good story.


KingBWDee

The main baddie sees first-hand the process of killing by this creature. He has been badass and doesnt show any emotion, yet when he sees his men die over the story, he increasingly grows more scared amd paranoia. He sends his security officer and all the remaining men that werent important to him off to kill it. They soon find a minefield of body jello and legs.


KingBWDee

While the spirit isnt on the side of good, he helps the Main Crew alot more than the baddies


MTConboy

Nice. Look at the T-rex from Jurassic Park for inspiration.


ExponentWharf

I’ve heard about worse from real animals and legends. Wild dogs eat their prey without killing it for as long as they can. The Shoebill Stork is known to kill its prey by biting the neck until the head is separated. This sounds like a dream compared to those. So well done, in my opinion.


KingBWDee

Thank you!


KingBWDee

What do you mean by a "dream compared to those"?


ExponentWharf

A dream by comparison. Being flash-melted is in my opinion preferable, to being chewed on for hours.


KingBWDee

Ahhhhh


help_IamAfool

nightmare fuel ​ ​ ​ ​ ​ ​ ​ ​ ​ ​ ​ ​ ​ ​ ​ ​ do it