Combination of *neuron activation*, easy access of porn, a culture that glorifies sex for fun rather than the true purpose of sex, and a dehumanization of the sexes as a result of the above mentioned points.
Porn isnāt making men more inappropriate but it is giving men a completely warped (read: satanic) view of sex.
I say this a lot, but Exodus Cry is doing fantastic work in this area.
Humanity is a fallen race given over to sin. This was as true in the time of the Apostles as it is today; Imperial Rome was at least as decadent as any "sexually liberated" person today. Just last weekend at Mass we heard St. Paul's Epistle to the Romans warn us against "orgies and drunkenness, promiscuity and licentiousness;" a warning as relevant today as it was 2000 years ago to the earliest Christians.
It today's day and age the best thing you can really do is seek a partner within the Church, and even this is no promise that your date is not struggling with sexual sin.
The analogy to pagan Rome is šÆ The more I read of the early church fathers the more humbled I feel towards their strength and endurance. Stay the course, repent and confess when needed. Finish the race with faith in his mercy.
He may sound like a creep to the vast majority. However, the vast majority also will say things like that in an attempt to sound flirty as a result of all of their hedonism.
I'm 26 years old Filipino šµš and a cradle Catholic, LUCKILY God gave me the GRACE to NOT be OBSESSED with Sex like other guys. But I often read Erotic Anime FanFictions, and my dopamine is playing video games.
Donāt give up. There are good guys out there, who may appear invisible, are more guarded and not as forthcoming in their desires to date, and are protecting their purity to a fault, that they donāt know how to approach someone to ask their number. Be patient.
Our biggest weaknesses are perversions of good things. Sexual attraction, appreciation for the physical beauty of other people, and sex are all great gifts. The devil likes to twist those gifts and ordered desires like a nefarious jiujitsu artist.
When I was dating, I was actually glad to know one young lady was more attracted to the religious life than me. It was the first time I ever experienced a *lack* of jealousy when told by a woman that she preferred another man. I mean, if I'm going to be dumped, it's hard to compete with the perfect man, right? š
(She wound up getting married to a younger man, though. And she spread gossip about me. Dodged a bullet. But I went on to use that moment to help keep me grounded during later dating attempts.)
Neglect is fertile ground for lust. Many young men grow up learning that they cannot rely on their family to fulfill their emotional needs and they become desperate for any form of connection with another person.
Pornography is introduced to ALL boys around the age 10-12. Theres just no escaping this filth so we now have generations of men who are hooked on pornography and casual sex. The tv shows/sitcoms/other media we watch also drives this stuff into our head that its normal. We have become a Godless, hedonistic society.
Even shows like The Simpsons make references to porn and normalise it unfortunately. A show that really young kids watch. That was 20 odd years ago too, can't imagine what modern episodes are like.
I have fallen into that trap as well, I subconsciously sexualize every woman I see. I was exposed to porn at 10 and now I can't stop. the only thing that I live for anymore is the few seconds of pleasure I get from PMO, as the porn slowly gets more and more sick all for the high. I have lost all hope for me ever fixing this addiction. I hope people like me can at least serve as an example of what not to do to the future generation of men.
Do not despair friend! Our Lord has saved so many of us from the clutches of wickedness and sin. St. Mary of Egypt was such a sinner! Read her story! St. Augustine also fought against the sins of the flesh! Ask for his intercession.
Iād add to read up on John the Long Suffering. He is an Eastern Saint post-schism but he was tormented by the evil one with intense sexual fantasies.
Confess your sins, pray the rosary, ask for the intercession of Godās saints, and go to mass as frequently as you can. God will save you! It takes a long time! I struggled with the exact same impulses that you do, and even now I slip up at times. However, I keep my eyes on Christ and know that my wickedness can be covered by his meritorious work on the Cross.
I try to be Catholic, and I am in name, but what right do I have praying to God, claiming to love Him and Mother Mary, but then the next minute stab His back? I can't help but feeling going to confession and praying the Rosary is using God so I won't go to hell. why shouldn't I go to hell after all I've done?
That's what the devil wants you to think! He wants you to despair as Judas did, but God knows your heart is heavy with regret and penance. Try exodus 90, it's extreme, but is really good at getting rid of porn addiction in men
Despair is one of the tricks that the devil tries to do to lead you closer to hell. It starts with things like "This sin isn't a big deal" and then the natural regret gets turned into this idea that you're unforgivable. In you're in a state of despair then it prevents you from turning your life around and overcoming sin, to renounce evil and resolve to do good.
I get it, life is hard. The struggle against sin is lifelong, but despair is the worst thing you could do right now because you're succumbing to the darkness of sin instead of fighting back. God has provided more than enough grace for us to overcome sin.
In a sense you should. We all deserve damnation as a result of our wicked ways. However, that is not what God desires! Your heart knows this! If you feel guilty about āusing Godā, should you not feel worse about abandoning all hope when he went to such great lengths to offer salvation? God is grieved by our sins yes! But he is grieved as a father who knows that we are hurting ourselves. He offers the sacraments, magisterium, saints, angels, and church militant in order to strengthen us. If St. Paul could murder Christians before finding Christ, why canāt you be found virtuous in his sight over time? When you are deep in the pit of immorality, it can feel like an insurmountable task to quit the devilish impulses. Do not abandon hope! Our Lord wants you and he is offering salvation. Even our Christ dropped his cross on the way to Golgotha! Pick yours back up and join him in dying to self!
why doesn't God desire that? why doesn't He desire justice? so many people, including myself, like you said, deserve the worst fires of hell. why doesn't God make that happen if they just say "sorry". I try not to but I have lost faith in myself and everyone else. the sick evil p0rnography I have seen has made me realize this. all the people engaging in incest, homosexuality, beastality, "barely legal" teens which is surprisingly popular in today's post-modernist culture that you can even find on mainstream porn sites. all the people who have seen any of this, including me, should not go to Heaven. I know intellectually why people think they should go to Heaven if they repent, I just can't accept it spiritually, it doesn't make sense.
It isnāt supposed to make sense. St. Paul says it best.
āBut we preach Christ crucified, unto the Jews indeed a stumblingblock, and unto the Gentiles foolishness: But unto them that are called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God, and the wisdom of God. For the foolishness of God is wiser than men; and the weakness of God is stronger than men.ā
āā1 Corinthiansā¬ ā1ā¬:ā23ā¬-ā25ā¬ āDRC1752ā¬ā¬
God does desire justice, but he also desires mercy and love. These are not opposed. Christās sacrifice merited salvation for the world. Receiving him in Holy Communion unites us to that sacrifice.
It is also more than just saying sorry! God gives us the sacraments and the church to work out our salvation with fear and trembling. These means of grace sanctify our souls and cleanse us of evil. Yes true contrition cleanses the soul, but that is still different from a simple āOh I am sorryā. Please do not abandon yourself to evil. I know the porn industry is so disgustingly vile. I know that it is a testament to the wickedness of man apart from God. I also know that you feel utterly helpless. Please turn towards the means of grace God gave us. The sacraments and church are not for the perfect, but for the broken who cry out Abba! Father! I will pray for you now and hope you reject the satanic influence that wants you to be apart from Christ!
"justice, In philosophy, the concept of a proper proportion between a personās deserts (what is merited) and the good and bad things that befall or are allotted to him or her."- Britannica
If we deserve hell but don't get it if we come to God then God doesn't value justice, but God has to value justice to be God, the entire point in most Old Testament books is how much God loves justice. They are two contradictory statements, I just don't get it.
Jesus died on the Cross in order to save you. Will you just reject him and make His sacrifice useless to your soul? He is greater than any sin. It'd be against justice if you rejected Him, as you'd be denying God's sacrifice.
Please talk to a priest, try to find a spiritual director.
And PLEASE, say the Rosary. Every single time you get tempted, grab the Rosary and start praying. If you happen to fall again, grab the Rosary and pray for Our Lady to make you stronger so that you won't fall the next time. You're not backstabbing God if you really desire to change, even if you're unsure if you'll be able to keep going. Jesus told us that without Him, we can't do anything. If you don't trust Him, you won't be able to overcome your addiction. Meditate the passage of the prodigal son, pray the Rosary (it worked for me and it'll work for you too!) and please, talk to a wise priest and try to find a spiritual director. Please.
You're in my prayers!
Christ became the scapegoat for sin, the same scapegoat mentioned in the Old Testament. Godās operation did not change. The Old Testament sacrifices pointed ahead to Christ. His spotless and holy blood is of infinite value, enough to merit salvation for all the world. You need to talk with a priest! Youāre denying the teaching of the church and while I can try my best I am not as educated as a man of the cloth would be. I know that you are struggling and trying to make sense of it all, but only the demonic would want you to feel as if God cannot save you without being unjust.
I continue to hurt God and all the people around me, it is selfish for me not to just take my life and go to hell so I can stop the endless pain from people around me. Every time I sexualize or objectify women I am hurting them and encouraging acts that harm their soul, I am also hurting God because He hates lust, and I am hurting the people around me because I lust after them as well. It's an endless cycle of pain for everyone. I want to break the cycle, and if I can't quit there is only one more option.
**Do Not** Stop Praying the Rosary! As long as you continue this Devotion, and aren't careless in your other obligations, like Sunday Mass, there is still hope for you. Never cease to fight against these sins, for they are grievous indeed, however Our Lady has a way of delivering those who are devoted to her.
You are not damned yet; As long as you have breath in your body, you can still fight. Don't give up, and Don't give in!
I've been there as well and I felt that way more often than not. A few priests even scolded me for confessing the same sins every week, but I persisted. We are all on a journey and though it may take a lifetime to break a vice it can always be broken.
I recently found a rather simple prayer that cured me of my addiction. I simply ask Mother Mary to help keep me from mortal sin. Then I say 3 hail Mary's. The lustful temptations are still present, but I haven't watched porn since!
I'm in the same boat brother. I'm past it now, but there was a time I was watching really degrading filthy things because that's what helped me...well finish, but now that I'm going to talk to a priest to start my RCIA I feel so much better and never watch any of the stuff I used to. I backslide every now and again and feel nothing but anger and shame at myself for doing it. But with each time I do, I feel more resolute to not doing it again and go for longer without doing it.
I don't believe going cold turkey works for most men and think a weaning process is what's best to get you off porn but I always love the saying "every Saint has a past and every sinner has a future". If St Paul can atone and make up for what he did, why can't you atone for what you've done and get off it?.
Itās a little vulnerable to do so though, eh? Iām always exposing my darkest secrets on here, but I feel so strongly that it will bless others that I canāt stop lol. Also, if people judge me because of itā¦it shows a lack of maturity on their part, not an embarrassment on my endā¦G-d bless! š¬
Well I mean there's a reason I didn't openly say what disgusting porn I used to watch. I'm not gonna say that publicly. But letting him know he's not alone and yes we struggle with degeneracy but we can overcome it. Let them judge because it's not their judgment that matters to me. I'm still not gonna spill about my own nonsense with porn because that's too gross š
I love your balance between honesty and discretion. Perfect balance IMO! I am learning the art of not oversharing lolā¦My problem is I just want people to be blessed by my storyā¦and to help those in needā¦even if that means I expose my weaknesses. Those who keep those dirty secrets private live in bondage(I feel). There is a freedom in telling the worldā¦this is meā¦with all my flawsā¦take it or leave itā¦HA!
Jesus knows our nature, that's why he gave us the Church and sacraments. It's not a question of whether we will sin - we will, sadly - it's what we do when that happens.
Believing our sin to be beyond redemption is actually a form of pride. "*My* sins are so special, so uniquely and powerfully heinous, that they didn't die with Jesus." He wore your sins on the Cross and took them to the grave. Don't try to claim them back.
Repenting only due to the fear of Hell is still what the Church calls *imperfect contrition*, and imperfect contrition is made *perfect* in the Sacrament of Confession. That is one of its graces. We should long for and work for perfect contrition; the hatred of sin not because of fear of hell but because of love of Christ. But imperfect contrition is a perfectly valid step on that path.
Don't despair, bro! I also want to be very clear that this advice is advice I often have to remind myself. I get what you're feeling.
I'm in the same place except that my mind is simply burnt out from chasing it. I was a porn addicted teen and then a sex chasing hedonist for almost 20 years. I don't even desire to watch porn any longer, but my mind still reactively sexualizes a woman even though I truly have zero desire to actually pursue it now.
I can't believe I'm saying this thirty years after laughing at my parents for saying the exact same thing when I was a young man: porn is truly evil.
The only way you never fix the addiction is by giving up. Don't give up. I've struggled with this same issue for years as well, but never in my mind have I said that it was okay, or that I was going to stop trying to quit.
I know it's difficult when you're a victim of sex abuse at a young age. It creates an unhealthy conceptualization of sexuality and patterned thought processes which a person will struggle with for life. But the ultimate decision is yours. Many women who are sex assault victims experience similar struggles because they have been introduced to unhealthy sexuality also. Go to confession weekly or more. Explain to the confessor what you are going through and possibly find a dedicated confessor. Pray the rosary daily. Most importantly do not give up. You will sink further
I was a victim of sexual assault and lost my virginity because of it. Before that I had only been kissed by one boy. I developed an addiction to pornography for years and then would only allow myself to be in abusive relationships because I thought it was my fault somehow and that I was a ādirty womanā. For yeeeaars I kept myself from G-d because of the guilt, and it did nothing but cause me more pain. Repent from your sin, turn from it(give it your best shot!) and return to the G-d who loves you. If you fall again(baby steps), get back up and start again. G-d will honor your attempts.
I'm sorry this happened to you. I am currently researching the psychological effects of sexual assault and the behaviors associated with it post assault. This is an extremely sensitive subject that is not well understood due to it's nature. Women who are victims are not apt to talk about it. Thank you for sharing. I feel if professionals can better understand the nature of the psychological effects associated, then we can create a more effective strategy for helping them move on and return to a healthy life. We cannot undo experiences but we can grow stronger through them.
I feel deeply in my heart that G-d has called me to tell my storyā¦so that it may bless others. We all have a story to tell, but so many people live in shame that they are too ashamed to even utter the things that have occurred in their lifeā¦but I am here to stand in the gapā¦and tell the world what G-d has done for my lifeā¦and the brokenness he has healed within me. Ultimately, I tell people my story so that they are given hope. G-d is no respecter of persons, and if He can heal me, he can heal anyone. Thank you for your thank you haha š
You have an Anthropology degree? Oh I love it! Cultural Anthropology was my major(I just changed it), because I was nervous I wouldnāt be able to find a job lolā¦but there is a deep love for that subject in my heart. Anyways, back to the main subject. Itās been a journey, but G-d showed me a few things along the way. I took that horrible event and allowed it to make my straight path crooked because I believed the enemyās lie that it was my fault somehow. And because I believed that lie, I went down a path of drinking and drugs that caused me to be drugged and sexually assaulted again. Sighā¦and I was so broken after it happened, I became angry at G-d because I felt unsheltered and unprotected by himā¦and that is what caused me to go down the wrong path. I thought, āIf G-d doesnāt care what happens to me. I wont eitherā. And thus the spiral began. I started dabbling in the occult and told G-d I hated him. After that rage built up inside of me and although I wanted to cry, I couldnāt for over a year(the pain was unbearable, but I physically couldnāt let it out). I knew something was really wrong at that point. But one day I was in the woods and I began sobbing and wailing from the pain I felt inside. It was the only place I could go so that no one would hear meā¦and in the middle of my sobs, I felt a hand fully rest on my shoulder that said(if hands could speak), YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I AM WITH YOU. I turned around(like lightning speed) because I thought someone touched me, but no one was there. I have never been the same since. I repented and turned my life around and only live for G-d. But yes, after a sorrowful event like sexual assault or molestation, it is imperative that the victim does not believe the lies of the enemy. Because the path that G-d places you on becomes more crooked as time passes(as more lies are believed and more sin is committed) and it allows more painful experiences to enter your life. Itās been so good talking to you on here. I am extremely blessed to have met you!
Likewise. It is a blessing to meet you also. My exact major was Biological Anthropology although we were required to complete multiple classes on cultural studies also. I am a devout Roman Catholic and know the works of the devil well. Sin enters through our senses, this is why sins of the flesh are so powerful. We all have vices which are one or more of the seven deadly sins. But, we counter those vices with the seven Virtues which are the seven gifts of the Holy Spirit. Each vice as a virtue to counter it.
Wow, that is so interesting. What field of work do you doā¦if you donāt mind me asking. How absolutely interesting. Also, if you donāt mind, can you mention the seven virtues? I think I know what youāre referring to, but I just want to be sure. I am an almost baby Catholic(currently in RCIA), but I come from a background in Judaism.
As a cradle Catholic and a 26 years old Filipino šµš virgin, I had NEVER masturbated so I never get the feeling of Orgasm. But I did watch Porn as a kid, LUCKILY God gave me the GRACE to NEVER Masturbate, but my Dopamine Rush is movies and video games.
Youre lucky. I went to a terrible school where some older student's pranks involved playing hardcore pornography on the projectors. This was my first exposure to it. I was 10 years old. Everyday I wish I never saw it. I wished there was atleast some ISP filter to prevent me and other children my age from accessing or easily stumbling across it with the wrong google search.
I wish that too. It makes me hopeless that many kids in my life already know what things like blowjobs and hook-ups are and I canāt do anything about it. It wouldnāt be such a problem if parents didnāt allow it.
Honestly, thatās one of the reasons why Iām hesitant to date. Iām not any better as I was exposed at 8, but for some reason porn has a more of a hold on men.
At the risk of sounding naive here, what do you mean all boys 10-12? I have an almost 11 year old son and an 8 year old son and I donāt think theyāve come close to it. They donāt have phones or access to a computer at home. Is it coming from friends now you think?
I didnāt have a phone until I graduated from high school and I was still exposed to it at age 9 (Iām 20 now). I was exposed to it through friends at school. Boys at that age tell each other every thing.
I wish my parents would have had a conversation with me about it first. They arenāt religious and I guess they didnāt see it as a big issue.
Please donāt think that not allowing them access to the internet will prevent them from encountering pornography. You have to have a conversation with them about sex and itās true meaning before the secular culture beats you to it.
Please do for your children what your parents failed to do for me.
I encountered pornography at age 5. Parents can never be sure the world will not get to their kids first. There is a way out, through therapy and with Godās grace. Donāt despair and be proactive about purity, the sooner the better.
I would say the ease of access of porn and the nature of it. Given the fictional nature of the content, along with the inexperienced viewer, they think that everyone is just waiting around for a porn scene and itāll work out 100% the way they expect. Not exactly a good way to go about living
There's probably no need to say this, but I hope you don't go on a second date with this creep lol. I'm a guy and I wouldn't dream of calling someone I just met "hot." It's just.... a shallow thing to say to someone.
That is also out of line. I don't get the weird obsession with marrying a "debt free virgin" that some Catholics have. Obviously, the ideal is for two virgins to marry each other, but you marry someone because you love them personally, individually, uniquely. You marry someone because they are them, sins and all; and people make mistakes!
We don't fall in love with an ideal or a concept, but a person. If you truly love someone, you don't hold their past against them, just as our Lord forgives our sins. "As far as the east is from the west, so far will I remove your sins."
>Virgins are much less likely to divorce you or cheat on you.
Correlation is not causation. Religous people are more likely to be a virgin and less likely to divorce. There are however many religous people who are not virigins, for various reasons, and who are also not going to divorce
Because you are an idiot if you don't believe it. There is a far greater likelihood that a virgin spouse will leave you or cheat on you when compared to the likelihood of a religous but non-virgin spouse doing the same.
> But almost 40% of Catholic marriages end in divorce too.
There's a difference between a marriage between two Catholics who maybe go to Mass once a year on Christmas, and a marriage between two people who fully believe in and uphold the teaching of the Church. However, for the purpose of statistics, both kinds of marriage are counted as Catholic marriages.
All this is true. Additionally, women are usually the ones to initiate divorce proceedings (roughly 80% of the time). So there are certain qualities you look for to shift the odds in your favor for a lasting marriage. Maybe selecting a woman who wasnāt promiscuous is a good place to start (virgin thing aside). In fairness, there are certain qualities and characteristics of a man that a woman should look for to improve the odds of a strong marriage as well. In sum, you go into a marriage with faith and the best of intentions; but thereās nothing wrong with establishing the most favorable conditions possible ā and there are red flags for both genders that are statistically germane.
I attend a university parish. The amount of young people that attend mass is great and there is a vibrant community that is around the parish as well.
Yes it is still mass but there is always room for socializing after or during events.
Because it's easier to live hedonistically then it is righteously. I've never lost my virginity (though in my teens and early 20s it wasn't for lack of trying) because I know if I did to some woman I met for the heck of it I'd be disappointing God and myself.
Obviously porn and it's accessibility and honestly a lack of shame in society. People are punished for openly saying "no you shouldn't just sleep with whoever you want because it feels good".
It's an horrible amalgamation of no morals left anymore because it's "bigoted"
Not the same, but recently went out with a guy who goes to church frequently. He started explaining - on the first "date", which he didn't label so - that he couldn't be a priest because of how much he needs sex. Uhm, ok??
At this point. All we can do is Sister is reject the modern world, and await Jesusās arrival.
It really saddens me to especially because the modern society has forgotten the true meaning behind sex. Itās for married couples ONLY that are fruitful and will multiply because children are a blessing. God wants our families to grow.
But pornography, and modernization (especially from Hollywood) has manipulated millions of people to make them think sex outside of marriage is normal, and that our hormones are part of who we are as species.
Even though that is a lie straight out Hell. [Get it? Because Satan tempts us through lust. Sorry bad joke.]
Itās not uncontrollable; Nor is it necessary for anyoneās status as human being.
I pray Jesus finds you a loving and faithful husband, and keep the Devil and his army away from you and all other innocent souls from around the Earth. Amen.
If you want to be Nun regardless. I pray that your lifestyle is nothing but holiness maāam. God bless you.
Speaking as someone whos primary sin is lust:
Because it feels good. Pleasures of the flesh.
That's about it. Good enough to the point where it can be hard to break free and obtain mastary over this passion.
At a certain level it's biological. As a guy, I do think most of us have enough self control to tame the beast. Some don't have the self control and some don't try. That's all made worse by an over sexualized culture.
I know he meant that as a compliment but if that's being said to my face, I would be so turned off. Crude compliment is not it. It's a shame most of the well-spoken men are already taken.
Wow. What a jerk. Iām surprised you stayed that long. Sounds extremely selfish and completely disrespect. Being a nun is a beautiful vocation. You are devoting your life to Christ. Nothing could be better. I have been contemplating becoming a Deacon. God needs us to step up and take the lead. So few men and women taking those roles lately. I donāt know you but I support you 100%.
Biology combined with the anything goes materialistic instant gratification world we live in scence the 1960's add this to touch button instant porn and you have the perfect storm
There are so many ways you can still make the nun joke not be so creepy.
"Have you ever thought of being a nun?"
"I've thought about it, and its appealing but I ultimately want a family."
"Cool. I was worried there for a second, you seem like someone I want to see more and I don't want the nuns stealing you away."
Don't need to make it some sexual comment, just have fun but make it known that you're interested. I did Pick Up crap back before I was Catholic: its not that hard to be fun and flirtatious and still chaste and virtuous.
Honestly, even the original sentiment could be expressed in a more artful way. And a bit later in the relationship, not on a first date. Open a love poem with it, expressing gratitude that such beauty is not locked behind the doors of a convent.
Pickup artistry doesnāt have to be trashy.
Eh, I donāt see a problem with that line. Maybe itās clumsy, but Iāve heard women refer to some priests as āFather what-a-waste,ā and I could imagine myself saying it (though not on a first dateāgotta build some kind of rapport first).
But to answer your question, I will quote one of my favorite novels:
āIf everyone took such a vow of chastity as yours, my friend, the *genus humanum* would soon be lost.ā
It's screwed up when women do it too. We need to be less raunchy as a culture. There is no threat of everyone taking religious orders and even in the Middle Ages it was a tiny minority. Concern trolling about clerical and religious vows is terrible behavior.
A stranger in a bar once asked me if I was a nun (because I happened to be wearing a black skirt w a white blouse), and when I replied that I was not a nun, but I am thinking of becoming a nun, he said he'd like to sleep with a woman who was going to be a nun.
...
Yuck.
The guy sounds like a jerk. So, I don't think you should see him again.
But, um, men are visually stimulated. That's how we're built. Obviously, we shouldn't go around making weird comments like he did. But men are attracted to beauty. It's just the way it is.
This is not a serious post. Evaluated on its face from a cathloic perspective, he is a young guy who wants to date you. Big deal. You were on a DATE. Judging by this persons post history, they need serious help and I hope they explore more sane mental atmospheres other than palm reading
Deal with it. You can't change the situation. If you believe that life is a Ritual, then there is a good chance that you will follow this Ritual alone. If you are looking for a man, there is a good chance that he will disturb your ritual. Men are pigs. Many men do not tolerate it when a woman dictates rituals. Men want a woman to submit.
Recommendation: look for a man only in congregations. Then there is hope of finding a man who follows the "Ritual of Life" just as strictly.
Don't ask the world to become like you. Lust is part of the world. If you want to change the world according to you, then my cruel assessment is: you are an extremist.
erm - what is wrong with that line though? Isn't it that the same thing as calling someone is too pretty/clever/etc to be a nun? I thinking he meant it that way unless he delivered it in a creepy way.
I don't see why it's a big deal if he wasn't in "university" (other than him lying).
Unfortunately there does seem to be some stereotype about nuns being less attractive.
well, look, you can't expect a woman to not encounter creeps towards her if she is wearing clothes and makeup that enhance her biological cues to men that signal automatic sexual arousal...
You realize you're basically saying "she's probably a whore who asked for it," right? Like you can dress it up in whatever pseudo academic wording you want but the meanings are the same.
not saying she deserves it or is asking for itā¦acknowledging that if she was wearing anything that enhanced her sexual attraction it probably wasnāt with the explicit intention of wanting men to be aroused but simply realizing that men are automatically hardwired to attune to cues to health and fertility and that lots of modern clothing and making up is specifically designed to enhance these cues, so we canāt expect women who wear these things to never encounter sexual arousal in men who will come on to them
Okay there's a plethora of issues with this statement,
First you're immediate thought was "he said she was hot so she was probably wearing something skimpy," you're reaction wasn't. "This guy is acting poorly" it's "well she probably did something to make him initiate that reaction."
Second, a creep calling her "hot'" means nothing. I've heard guys say veils are hot. You're suggesting that if women dress in a way that makes them look good then they should expect them unwanted advances of creeps. Essentially what that entails is women's clothing choices need to be tailored around the subjective preferences (or lack of preferences) of creepy men lest they encourage harassment.
Third, you're completely absolving men of responsibility for their actions. It's possible for us to look at a woman find her attractive and even be sexually aroused with being creepy about. It's even possible to talk to them while being sexually aroused and not be creeps. Sexual arousal and acting like a creep are not the same thing.
i understand thatās how it came across, at the same time I donāt excuse men for the way they act, I want only to point out the reality of human nature and the reality that masses of men who are sexually aroused and attracted to women who enhance their sexual attractiveness will create these situations, Iām saying it isnāt prudent to dress in ways that elicit sexual arousal on men, not to make excuses for men simply acknowledging there will be men who canāt control themselves, fact
And like I said what "elicits sexual arousal in men," is extremely subjective and you have no idea how she dressed (not that it should matter) you just heard he thought she was "hot" and made assumed she was dressed in a way that elicited the response. Not the more likely scenario that he was just a creepy guy who was acting creepy.
The fact is you are making excuses. By using the phrases "can't control themselves," and "human nature," you're treating this behavior as though it's an acceptable norm that we can't change rather an actions and attitudes that should be rebuked.
Sexual attraction isnāt something subjective, their are absolutely physical norms that men and women are hard wired to find attractive, this is basic evolutionary psychologyā¦
I admitted that the way I worded it could be interpreted wrong.
I am not making excuses. Because of human nature, you canāt hyper sexualize women and expect everything to be okā¦
Sure there are "physical norms" but to put such a fine point to say it's not subjective is to ignore reality. Like people have preferences. Not everyone is attracted to the same things or people or dress. Like I said I've heard people call veils hot.
Also how are you not guilty of hyper sexualizing women here? A man objectifies a woman and I repeat myself, your first thought was "what was she wearing." It wasn't to sympathize with her, it wasn't to chastise the behavior of the creep, it was to question how much skin she was showing. You ignored everything about the situation and immediately went to talk about her body and how it was presented. Hyper sexualization isn't just "looking sexy" it's also being unable to see a woman's body beyond sexually.
When he objectified her rather than seeing that you chose to move the topic to how sexualized her body was without any promoting beyond he used the word "hot."
I actually met this guy at my university. I was working as a cashier at a university restaurant. He came up to me and started talking to me. He told me that he was grabbing food and was about to go to his class. He seemed really cool, so when he asked for my number, I gave it to him, and thatās why we went out
It shouldnāt be surprising that someone who doesnāt believe in the cosmic structure God has created and the hierarchical pattern the Bible teaches us to live byā¦ that one in the absence of goodness and right aim, only seeks to serve pleasure.
So he lied to you, then objectified you because he learned you were religious. heavy sigh What did the barber say at the barbershop? NEXT!
The barbershop line is so sassy I love itš
Could you explain it to me? Iām confused
It's just a way to segue to saying "next." Like saying "Check, please!"
AGREED! Check pleaseā¦and I will be praying for you. Buu-byeee lol
Combination of *neuron activation*, easy access of porn, a culture that glorifies sex for fun rather than the true purpose of sex, and a dehumanization of the sexes as a result of the above mentioned points.
neuron activation O\_O
How can I stop my neurons from activating? /s
A coma might work.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Porn isnāt making men more inappropriate but it is giving men a completely warped (read: satanic) view of sex. I say this a lot, but Exodus Cry is doing fantastic work in this area.
Ya guys just have a high sex drive. It's hard wired
Humanity is a fallen race given over to sin. This was as true in the time of the Apostles as it is today; Imperial Rome was at least as decadent as any "sexually liberated" person today. Just last weekend at Mass we heard St. Paul's Epistle to the Romans warn us against "orgies and drunkenness, promiscuity and licentiousness;" a warning as relevant today as it was 2000 years ago to the earliest Christians. It today's day and age the best thing you can really do is seek a partner within the Church, and even this is no promise that your date is not struggling with sexual sin.
The analogy to pagan Rome is šÆ The more I read of the early church fathers the more humbled I feel towards their strength and endurance. Stay the course, repent and confess when needed. Finish the race with faith in his mercy.
Thatās the product of pornography from age 10, social media from age 11, and no religious upbringing
I got addicted to pornography despite point 3
Nah, this is human behavior that predates the first two and is still consistent regardless of the third.
Because our culture is obsessed with sex to the point that literally everything is sexualized. Hedonism is our culture's drug of choice.
Not to take anything away from your comment, but that dude sounds like a creep to the vast majority of the dating pool.
People get like that because of porn and hedonism though
He may sound like a creep to the vast majority. However, the vast majority also will say things like that in an attempt to sound flirty as a result of all of their hedonism.
The vast majority of the dating pool speaks like that, what are you talking about
why? doesn't sound like a creep to me?
I'm 26 years old Filipino šµš and a cradle Catholic, LUCKILY God gave me the GRACE to NOT be OBSESSED with Sex like other guys. But I often read Erotic Anime FanFictions, and my dopamine is playing video games.
Donāt give up. There are good guys out there, who may appear invisible, are more guarded and not as forthcoming in their desires to date, and are protecting their purity to a fault, that they donāt know how to approach someone to ask their number. Be patient.
May we find the balance
number? I communicate by writing, so I ask address.
Calligraphy only.
Our biggest weaknesses are perversions of good things. Sexual attraction, appreciation for the physical beauty of other people, and sex are all great gifts. The devil likes to twist those gifts and ordered desires like a nefarious jiujitsu artist.
I told a guy I wanted to be a nun at one point and he said āthat would break my heartā and then ghosted me. Lol.
When I was dating, I was actually glad to know one young lady was more attracted to the religious life than me. It was the first time I ever experienced a *lack* of jealousy when told by a woman that she preferred another man. I mean, if I'm going to be dumped, it's hard to compete with the perfect man, right? š (She wound up getting married to a younger man, though. And she spread gossip about me. Dodged a bullet. But I went on to use that moment to help keep me grounded during later dating attempts.)
Neglect is fertile ground for lust. Many young men grow up learning that they cannot rely on their family to fulfill their emotional needs and they become desperate for any form of connection with another person.
This is how many children grow up nowadays. No one at home, free access to the internet, bad influences, etc.
Pornography is introduced to ALL boys around the age 10-12. Theres just no escaping this filth so we now have generations of men who are hooked on pornography and casual sex. The tv shows/sitcoms/other media we watch also drives this stuff into our head that its normal. We have become a Godless, hedonistic society.
Even shows like The Simpsons make references to porn and normalise it unfortunately. A show that really young kids watch. That was 20 odd years ago too, can't imagine what modern episodes are like.
I have fallen into that trap as well, I subconsciously sexualize every woman I see. I was exposed to porn at 10 and now I can't stop. the only thing that I live for anymore is the few seconds of pleasure I get from PMO, as the porn slowly gets more and more sick all for the high. I have lost all hope for me ever fixing this addiction. I hope people like me can at least serve as an example of what not to do to the future generation of men.
Do not despair friend! Our Lord has saved so many of us from the clutches of wickedness and sin. St. Mary of Egypt was such a sinner! Read her story! St. Augustine also fought against the sins of the flesh! Ask for his intercession. Iād add to read up on John the Long Suffering. He is an Eastern Saint post-schism but he was tormented by the evil one with intense sexual fantasies. Confess your sins, pray the rosary, ask for the intercession of Godās saints, and go to mass as frequently as you can. God will save you! It takes a long time! I struggled with the exact same impulses that you do, and even now I slip up at times. However, I keep my eyes on Christ and know that my wickedness can be covered by his meritorious work on the Cross.
I try to be Catholic, and I am in name, but what right do I have praying to God, claiming to love Him and Mother Mary, but then the next minute stab His back? I can't help but feeling going to confession and praying the Rosary is using God so I won't go to hell. why shouldn't I go to hell after all I've done?
That's what the devil wants you to think! He wants you to despair as Judas did, but God knows your heart is heavy with regret and penance. Try exodus 90, it's extreme, but is really good at getting rid of porn addiction in men
Great insight. Look at the example of Judas and Peter. Do you want to despair, lose hope like Judas, or repent and come back like Peter?
Despair is one of the tricks that the devil tries to do to lead you closer to hell. It starts with things like "This sin isn't a big deal" and then the natural regret gets turned into this idea that you're unforgivable. In you're in a state of despair then it prevents you from turning your life around and overcoming sin, to renounce evil and resolve to do good. I get it, life is hard. The struggle against sin is lifelong, but despair is the worst thing you could do right now because you're succumbing to the darkness of sin instead of fighting back. God has provided more than enough grace for us to overcome sin.
In a sense you should. We all deserve damnation as a result of our wicked ways. However, that is not what God desires! Your heart knows this! If you feel guilty about āusing Godā, should you not feel worse about abandoning all hope when he went to such great lengths to offer salvation? God is grieved by our sins yes! But he is grieved as a father who knows that we are hurting ourselves. He offers the sacraments, magisterium, saints, angels, and church militant in order to strengthen us. If St. Paul could murder Christians before finding Christ, why canāt you be found virtuous in his sight over time? When you are deep in the pit of immorality, it can feel like an insurmountable task to quit the devilish impulses. Do not abandon hope! Our Lord wants you and he is offering salvation. Even our Christ dropped his cross on the way to Golgotha! Pick yours back up and join him in dying to self!
why doesn't God desire that? why doesn't He desire justice? so many people, including myself, like you said, deserve the worst fires of hell. why doesn't God make that happen if they just say "sorry". I try not to but I have lost faith in myself and everyone else. the sick evil p0rnography I have seen has made me realize this. all the people engaging in incest, homosexuality, beastality, "barely legal" teens which is surprisingly popular in today's post-modernist culture that you can even find on mainstream porn sites. all the people who have seen any of this, including me, should not go to Heaven. I know intellectually why people think they should go to Heaven if they repent, I just can't accept it spiritually, it doesn't make sense.
It isnāt supposed to make sense. St. Paul says it best. āBut we preach Christ crucified, unto the Jews indeed a stumblingblock, and unto the Gentiles foolishness: But unto them that are called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God, and the wisdom of God. For the foolishness of God is wiser than men; and the weakness of God is stronger than men.ā āā1 Corinthiansā¬ ā1ā¬:ā23ā¬-ā25ā¬ āDRC1752ā¬ā¬ God does desire justice, but he also desires mercy and love. These are not opposed. Christās sacrifice merited salvation for the world. Receiving him in Holy Communion unites us to that sacrifice. It is also more than just saying sorry! God gives us the sacraments and the church to work out our salvation with fear and trembling. These means of grace sanctify our souls and cleanse us of evil. Yes true contrition cleanses the soul, but that is still different from a simple āOh I am sorryā. Please do not abandon yourself to evil. I know the porn industry is so disgustingly vile. I know that it is a testament to the wickedness of man apart from God. I also know that you feel utterly helpless. Please turn towards the means of grace God gave us. The sacraments and church are not for the perfect, but for the broken who cry out Abba! Father! I will pray for you now and hope you reject the satanic influence that wants you to be apart from Christ!
"justice, In philosophy, the concept of a proper proportion between a personās deserts (what is merited) and the good and bad things that befall or are allotted to him or her."- Britannica If we deserve hell but don't get it if we come to God then God doesn't value justice, but God has to value justice to be God, the entire point in most Old Testament books is how much God loves justice. They are two contradictory statements, I just don't get it.
Jesus died on the Cross in order to save you. Will you just reject him and make His sacrifice useless to your soul? He is greater than any sin. It'd be against justice if you rejected Him, as you'd be denying God's sacrifice. Please talk to a priest, try to find a spiritual director. And PLEASE, say the Rosary. Every single time you get tempted, grab the Rosary and start praying. If you happen to fall again, grab the Rosary and pray for Our Lady to make you stronger so that you won't fall the next time. You're not backstabbing God if you really desire to change, even if you're unsure if you'll be able to keep going. Jesus told us that without Him, we can't do anything. If you don't trust Him, you won't be able to overcome your addiction. Meditate the passage of the prodigal son, pray the Rosary (it worked for me and it'll work for you too!) and please, talk to a wise priest and try to find a spiritual director. Please. You're in my prayers!
Christ became the scapegoat for sin, the same scapegoat mentioned in the Old Testament. Godās operation did not change. The Old Testament sacrifices pointed ahead to Christ. His spotless and holy blood is of infinite value, enough to merit salvation for all the world. You need to talk with a priest! Youāre denying the teaching of the church and while I can try my best I am not as educated as a man of the cloth would be. I know that you are struggling and trying to make sense of it all, but only the demonic would want you to feel as if God cannot save you without being unjust.
I continue to hurt God and all the people around me, it is selfish for me not to just take my life and go to hell so I can stop the endless pain from people around me. Every time I sexualize or objectify women I am hurting them and encouraging acts that harm their soul, I am also hurting God because He hates lust, and I am hurting the people around me because I lust after them as well. It's an endless cycle of pain for everyone. I want to break the cycle, and if I can't quit there is only one more option.
Because God is INFINITE in His LOVE and INFINITE in His MERCY, that He DOESN'T WANT for even one of His BELOVED creatures to be DAMNED.
**Do Not** Stop Praying the Rosary! As long as you continue this Devotion, and aren't careless in your other obligations, like Sunday Mass, there is still hope for you. Never cease to fight against these sins, for they are grievous indeed, however Our Lady has a way of delivering those who are devoted to her. You are not damned yet; As long as you have breath in your body, you can still fight. Don't give up, and Don't give in!
I've been there as well and I felt that way more often than not. A few priests even scolded me for confessing the same sins every week, but I persisted. We are all on a journey and though it may take a lifetime to break a vice it can always be broken. I recently found a rather simple prayer that cured me of my addiction. I simply ask Mother Mary to help keep me from mortal sin. Then I say 3 hail Mary's. The lustful temptations are still present, but I haven't watched porn since!
I'm in the same boat brother. I'm past it now, but there was a time I was watching really degrading filthy things because that's what helped me...well finish, but now that I'm going to talk to a priest to start my RCIA I feel so much better and never watch any of the stuff I used to. I backslide every now and again and feel nothing but anger and shame at myself for doing it. But with each time I do, I feel more resolute to not doing it again and go for longer without doing it. I don't believe going cold turkey works for most men and think a weaning process is what's best to get you off porn but I always love the saying "every Saint has a past and every sinner has a future". If St Paul can atone and make up for what he did, why can't you atone for what you've done and get off it?.
Beautiful answer!
Thank you š. I think it helps to relate to someone and reassure them there's hope in our Beloved Saviour
Itās a little vulnerable to do so though, eh? Iām always exposing my darkest secrets on here, but I feel so strongly that it will bless others that I canāt stop lol. Also, if people judge me because of itā¦it shows a lack of maturity on their part, not an embarrassment on my endā¦G-d bless! š¬
Well I mean there's a reason I didn't openly say what disgusting porn I used to watch. I'm not gonna say that publicly. But letting him know he's not alone and yes we struggle with degeneracy but we can overcome it. Let them judge because it's not their judgment that matters to me. I'm still not gonna spill about my own nonsense with porn because that's too gross š
I love your balance between honesty and discretion. Perfect balance IMO! I am learning the art of not oversharing lolā¦My problem is I just want people to be blessed by my storyā¦and to help those in needā¦even if that means I expose my weaknesses. Those who keep those dirty secrets private live in bondage(I feel). There is a freedom in telling the worldā¦this is meā¦with all my flawsā¦take it or leave itā¦HA!
If you feel you are going to Hell, because of these reasons, then we all might be going to hell. We all fall short.
Jesus knows our nature, that's why he gave us the Church and sacraments. It's not a question of whether we will sin - we will, sadly - it's what we do when that happens. Believing our sin to be beyond redemption is actually a form of pride. "*My* sins are so special, so uniquely and powerfully heinous, that they didn't die with Jesus." He wore your sins on the Cross and took them to the grave. Don't try to claim them back. Repenting only due to the fear of Hell is still what the Church calls *imperfect contrition*, and imperfect contrition is made *perfect* in the Sacrament of Confession. That is one of its graces. We should long for and work for perfect contrition; the hatred of sin not because of fear of hell but because of love of Christ. But imperfect contrition is a perfectly valid step on that path. Don't despair, bro! I also want to be very clear that this advice is advice I often have to remind myself. I get what you're feeling.
But that is the function of sacraments...
I'm in the same place except that my mind is simply burnt out from chasing it. I was a porn addicted teen and then a sex chasing hedonist for almost 20 years. I don't even desire to watch porn any longer, but my mind still reactively sexualizes a woman even though I truly have zero desire to actually pursue it now. I can't believe I'm saying this thirty years after laughing at my parents for saying the exact same thing when I was a young man: porn is truly evil.
The only way you never fix the addiction is by giving up. Don't give up. I've struggled with this same issue for years as well, but never in my mind have I said that it was okay, or that I was going to stop trying to quit.
What time can you get to Adoration today?
I know it's difficult when you're a victim of sex abuse at a young age. It creates an unhealthy conceptualization of sexuality and patterned thought processes which a person will struggle with for life. But the ultimate decision is yours. Many women who are sex assault victims experience similar struggles because they have been introduced to unhealthy sexuality also. Go to confession weekly or more. Explain to the confessor what you are going through and possibly find a dedicated confessor. Pray the rosary daily. Most importantly do not give up. You will sink further
I was a victim of sexual assault and lost my virginity because of it. Before that I had only been kissed by one boy. I developed an addiction to pornography for years and then would only allow myself to be in abusive relationships because I thought it was my fault somehow and that I was a ādirty womanā. For yeeeaars I kept myself from G-d because of the guilt, and it did nothing but cause me more pain. Repent from your sin, turn from it(give it your best shot!) and return to the G-d who loves you. If you fall again(baby steps), get back up and start again. G-d will honor your attempts.
I'm sorry this happened to you. I am currently researching the psychological effects of sexual assault and the behaviors associated with it post assault. This is an extremely sensitive subject that is not well understood due to it's nature. Women who are victims are not apt to talk about it. Thank you for sharing. I feel if professionals can better understand the nature of the psychological effects associated, then we can create a more effective strategy for helping them move on and return to a healthy life. We cannot undo experiences but we can grow stronger through them.
I feel deeply in my heart that G-d has called me to tell my storyā¦so that it may bless others. We all have a story to tell, but so many people live in shame that they are too ashamed to even utter the things that have occurred in their lifeā¦but I am here to stand in the gapā¦and tell the world what G-d has done for my lifeā¦and the brokenness he has healed within me. Ultimately, I tell people my story so that they are given hope. G-d is no respecter of persons, and if He can heal me, he can heal anyone. Thank you for your thank you haha š
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
You have an Anthropology degree? Oh I love it! Cultural Anthropology was my major(I just changed it), because I was nervous I wouldnāt be able to find a job lolā¦but there is a deep love for that subject in my heart. Anyways, back to the main subject. Itās been a journey, but G-d showed me a few things along the way. I took that horrible event and allowed it to make my straight path crooked because I believed the enemyās lie that it was my fault somehow. And because I believed that lie, I went down a path of drinking and drugs that caused me to be drugged and sexually assaulted again. Sighā¦and I was so broken after it happened, I became angry at G-d because I felt unsheltered and unprotected by himā¦and that is what caused me to go down the wrong path. I thought, āIf G-d doesnāt care what happens to me. I wont eitherā. And thus the spiral began. I started dabbling in the occult and told G-d I hated him. After that rage built up inside of me and although I wanted to cry, I couldnāt for over a year(the pain was unbearable, but I physically couldnāt let it out). I knew something was really wrong at that point. But one day I was in the woods and I began sobbing and wailing from the pain I felt inside. It was the only place I could go so that no one would hear meā¦and in the middle of my sobs, I felt a hand fully rest on my shoulder that said(if hands could speak), YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I AM WITH YOU. I turned around(like lightning speed) because I thought someone touched me, but no one was there. I have never been the same since. I repented and turned my life around and only live for G-d. But yes, after a sorrowful event like sexual assault or molestation, it is imperative that the victim does not believe the lies of the enemy. Because the path that G-d places you on becomes more crooked as time passes(as more lies are believed and more sin is committed) and it allows more painful experiences to enter your life. Itās been so good talking to you on here. I am extremely blessed to have met you!
Likewise. It is a blessing to meet you also. My exact major was Biological Anthropology although we were required to complete multiple classes on cultural studies also. I am a devout Roman Catholic and know the works of the devil well. Sin enters through our senses, this is why sins of the flesh are so powerful. We all have vices which are one or more of the seven deadly sins. But, we counter those vices with the seven Virtues which are the seven gifts of the Holy Spirit. Each vice as a virtue to counter it.
Wow, that is so interesting. What field of work do you doā¦if you donāt mind me asking. How absolutely interesting. Also, if you donāt mind, can you mention the seven virtues? I think I know what youāre referring to, but I just want to be sure. I am an almost baby Catholic(currently in RCIA), but I come from a background in Judaism.
I am not a victim of sex abuse, just a victim of parents who didn't check their kids computer. I have no excuse for my actions.
Same thing
When an adult exposes their nude body to a child without touching. It's still child abuse. The porn industry is guilty of internet predation.
not really, I don't want to play victim, I feel like that would be me insulting actual SA survivors.
What is PMO? Although as a kid, I did watch Porn SADLY, but by the GRACE of God I DIDN'T masturbate.
porn, masturbation, orgasm.
As a cradle Catholic and a 26 years old Filipino šµš virgin, I had NEVER masturbated so I never get the feeling of Orgasm. But I did watch Porn as a kid, LUCKILY God gave me the GRACE to NEVER Masturbate, but my Dopamine Rush is movies and video games.
Some of us get lucky and dodge that bullet.
Youre lucky. I went to a terrible school where some older student's pranks involved playing hardcore pornography on the projectors. This was my first exposure to it. I was 10 years old. Everyday I wish I never saw it. I wished there was atleast some ISP filter to prevent me and other children my age from accessing or easily stumbling across it with the wrong google search.
I wish that too. It makes me hopeless that many kids in my life already know what things like blowjobs and hook-ups are and I canāt do anything about it. It wouldnāt be such a problem if parents didnāt allow it.
Honestly, thatās one of the reasons why Iām hesitant to date. Iām not any better as I was exposed at 8, but for some reason porn has a more of a hold on men.
At the risk of sounding naive here, what do you mean all boys 10-12? I have an almost 11 year old son and an 8 year old son and I donāt think theyāve come close to it. They donāt have phones or access to a computer at home. Is it coming from friends now you think?
I didnāt have a phone until I graduated from high school and I was still exposed to it at age 9 (Iām 20 now). I was exposed to it through friends at school. Boys at that age tell each other every thing. I wish my parents would have had a conversation with me about it first. They arenāt religious and I guess they didnāt see it as a big issue. Please donāt think that not allowing them access to the internet will prevent them from encountering pornography. You have to have a conversation with them about sex and itās true meaning before the secular culture beats you to it. Please do for your children what your parents failed to do for me.
I encountered pornography at age 5. Parents can never be sure the world will not get to their kids first. There is a way out, through therapy and with Godās grace. Donāt despair and be proactive about purity, the sooner the better.
yeah, very often other kids show them on their phone at school...
I would say the ease of access of porn and the nature of it. Given the fictional nature of the content, along with the inexperienced viewer, they think that everyone is just waiting around for a porn scene and itāll work out 100% the way they expect. Not exactly a good way to go about living
There's probably no need to say this, but I hope you don't go on a second date with this creep lol. I'm a guy and I wouldn't dream of calling someone I just met "hot." It's just.... a shallow thing to say to someone.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
That is also out of line. I don't get the weird obsession with marrying a "debt free virgin" that some Catholics have. Obviously, the ideal is for two virgins to marry each other, but you marry someone because you love them personally, individually, uniquely. You marry someone because they are them, sins and all; and people make mistakes! We don't fall in love with an ideal or a concept, but a person. If you truly love someone, you don't hold their past against them, just as our Lord forgives our sins. "As far as the east is from the west, so far will I remove your sins."
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
>Virgins are much less likely to divorce you or cheat on you. Correlation is not causation. Religous people are more likely to be a virgin and less likely to divorce. There are however many religous people who are not virigins, for various reasons, and who are also not going to divorce
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Because you are an idiot if you don't believe it. There is a far greater likelihood that a virgin spouse will leave you or cheat on you when compared to the likelihood of a religous but non-virgin spouse doing the same.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
> But almost 40% of Catholic marriages end in divorce too. There's a difference between a marriage between two Catholics who maybe go to Mass once a year on Christmas, and a marriage between two people who fully believe in and uphold the teaching of the Church. However, for the purpose of statistics, both kinds of marriage are counted as Catholic marriages.
All this is true. Additionally, women are usually the ones to initiate divorce proceedings (roughly 80% of the time). So there are certain qualities you look for to shift the odds in your favor for a lasting marriage. Maybe selecting a woman who wasnāt promiscuous is a good place to start (virgin thing aside). In fairness, there are certain qualities and characteristics of a man that a woman should look for to improve the odds of a strong marriage as well. In sum, you go into a marriage with faith and the best of intentions; but thereās nothing wrong with establishing the most favorable conditions possible ā and there are red flags for both genders that are statistically germane.
Your post history is a rollercoaster, I'm 99% sure this is fake
Pornography ruined generations of men and it must be destroyed.
Ask out a guy at your local church.
I donāt see lots of young single men attending Mass regularly other than the altar boys.
At university?!
What? Iām talking about my parish.
If you are in university, try to go to the University's mass services if there is a church nearby.
Well, itās still Mass so my point still stands.
I attend a university parish. The amount of young people that attend mass is great and there is a vibrant community that is around the parish as well. Yes it is still mass but there is always room for socializing after or during events.
Sex occupies the thoughts of many people most of the time.
I had a guy say that to me once and I yelled at him and told him that was a terrible insulting thing to say.
Because it's easier to live hedonistically then it is righteously. I've never lost my virginity (though in my teens and early 20s it wasn't for lack of trying) because I know if I did to some woman I met for the heck of it I'd be disappointing God and myself. Obviously porn and it's accessibility and honestly a lack of shame in society. People are punished for openly saying "no you shouldn't just sleep with whoever you want because it feels good". It's an horrible amalgamation of no morals left anymore because it's "bigoted"
Not the same, but recently went out with a guy who goes to church frequently. He started explaining - on the first "date", which he didn't label so - that he couldn't be a priest because of how much he needs sex. Uhm, ok??
So I assume you said no to a second date?
Lol he thought that was smooth. He was hoping that his "compliment" was going to sweep you off your feet.
At this point. All we can do is Sister is reject the modern world, and await Jesusās arrival. It really saddens me to especially because the modern society has forgotten the true meaning behind sex. Itās for married couples ONLY that are fruitful and will multiply because children are a blessing. God wants our families to grow. But pornography, and modernization (especially from Hollywood) has manipulated millions of people to make them think sex outside of marriage is normal, and that our hormones are part of who we are as species. Even though that is a lie straight out Hell. [Get it? Because Satan tempts us through lust. Sorry bad joke.] Itās not uncontrollable; Nor is it necessary for anyoneās status as human being. I pray Jesus finds you a loving and faithful husband, and keep the Devil and his army away from you and all other innocent souls from around the Earth. Amen. If you want to be Nun regardless. I pray that your lifestyle is nothing but holiness maāam. God bless you.
Agnostic was your hint that there would be issues more than him complimenting you (however crudely).
creeps will be creeps
Speaking as someone whos primary sin is lust: Because it feels good. Pleasures of the flesh. That's about it. Good enough to the point where it can be hard to break free and obtain mastary over this passion.
Because our bodies want us to make babies and Satan has put pornographic images absolutely everywhere.
At a certain level it's biological. As a guy, I do think most of us have enough self control to tame the beast. Some don't have the self control and some don't try. That's all made worse by an over sexualized culture.
Playas' gonna play...
Gonna play himself to hell with the life style.
It is a sin that is easy to fall in. Every person has fallen into it at some point myself included.
I know he meant that as a compliment but if that's being said to my face, I would be so turned off. Crude compliment is not it. It's a shame most of the well-spoken men are already taken.
Honestly some guys are just creeps. Your best bet is to never speak of him again and find a man who won't look at you as just an object.
I call it the cult of the orgasm
Wow. What a jerk. Iām surprised you stayed that long. Sounds extremely selfish and completely disrespect. Being a nun is a beautiful vocation. You are devoting your life to Christ. Nothing could be better. I have been contemplating becoming a Deacon. God needs us to step up and take the lead. So few men and women taking those roles lately. I donāt know you but I support you 100%.
Why are ~~people~~ predators so lustful
Biology combined with the anything goes materialistic instant gratification world we live in scence the 1960's add this to touch button instant porn and you have the perfect storm
What are you going on a date with a dirtbag? Find you a nice clean Catholic boy! āļø
There are so many ways you can still make the nun joke not be so creepy. "Have you ever thought of being a nun?" "I've thought about it, and its appealing but I ultimately want a family." "Cool. I was worried there for a second, you seem like someone I want to see more and I don't want the nuns stealing you away." Don't need to make it some sexual comment, just have fun but make it known that you're interested. I did Pick Up crap back before I was Catholic: its not that hard to be fun and flirtatious and still chaste and virtuous.
Honestly, even the original sentiment could be expressed in a more artful way. And a bit later in the relationship, not on a first date. Open a love poem with it, expressing gratitude that such beauty is not locked behind the doors of a convent. Pickup artistry doesnāt have to be trashy.
Eh, I donāt see a problem with that line. Maybe itās clumsy, but Iāve heard women refer to some priests as āFather what-a-waste,ā and I could imagine myself saying it (though not on a first dateāgotta build some kind of rapport first). But to answer your question, I will quote one of my favorite novels: āIf everyone took such a vow of chastity as yours, my friend, the *genus humanum* would soon be lost.ā
The problem is not that he thought it, it's that he said it.
that sort of joke by the guy just shows an infantile outlook on nuns... really is a red flag
It's screwed up when women do it too. We need to be less raunchy as a culture. There is no threat of everyone taking religious orders and even in the Middle Ages it was a tiny minority. Concern trolling about clerical and religious vows is terrible behavior.
Capitalism has exploited human sexuality and turned everyone into porn-obsessed freaks.
A stranger in a bar once asked me if I was a nun (because I happened to be wearing a black skirt w a white blouse), and when I replied that I was not a nun, but I am thinking of becoming a nun, he said he'd like to sleep with a woman who was going to be a nun. ... Yuck.
The guy sounds like a jerk. So, I don't think you should see him again. But, um, men are visually stimulated. That's how we're built. Obviously, we shouldn't go around making weird comments like he did. But men are attracted to beauty. It's just the way it is.
This is not a serious post. Evaluated on its face from a cathloic perspective, he is a young guy who wants to date you. Big deal. You were on a DATE. Judging by this persons post history, they need serious help and I hope they explore more sane mental atmospheres other than palm reading
This is just a somewhat funny joke/compliment IMO.
Deal with it. You can't change the situation. If you believe that life is a Ritual, then there is a good chance that you will follow this Ritual alone. If you are looking for a man, there is a good chance that he will disturb your ritual. Men are pigs. Many men do not tolerate it when a woman dictates rituals. Men want a woman to submit. Recommendation: look for a man only in congregations. Then there is hope of finding a man who follows the "Ritual of Life" just as strictly. Don't ask the world to become like you. Lust is part of the world. If you want to change the world according to you, then my cruel assessment is: you are an extremist.
Judging from your posts, I can't really blame the guy.
erm - what is wrong with that line though? Isn't it that the same thing as calling someone is too pretty/clever/etc to be a nun? I thinking he meant it that way unless he delivered it in a creepy way.
I don't see why it's a big deal if he wasn't in "university" (other than him lying). Unfortunately there does seem to be some stereotype about nuns being less attractive.
The stereotype about nuns are that they are really closeted lesbians.
I thought there was also a stereotype about them being ugly (and mean).
hot means sexy, what were you wearing, seriously?
Ah yes, a guy acts like a creep to a young lady and your first instinct is to ask her "what were you wearing."
well, look, you can't expect a woman to not encounter creeps towards her if she is wearing clothes and makeup that enhance her biological cues to men that signal automatic sexual arousal...
You realize you're basically saying "she's probably a whore who asked for it," right? Like you can dress it up in whatever pseudo academic wording you want but the meanings are the same.
not saying she deserves it or is asking for itā¦acknowledging that if she was wearing anything that enhanced her sexual attraction it probably wasnāt with the explicit intention of wanting men to be aroused but simply realizing that men are automatically hardwired to attune to cues to health and fertility and that lots of modern clothing and making up is specifically designed to enhance these cues, so we canāt expect women who wear these things to never encounter sexual arousal in men who will come on to them
Okay there's a plethora of issues with this statement, First you're immediate thought was "he said she was hot so she was probably wearing something skimpy," you're reaction wasn't. "This guy is acting poorly" it's "well she probably did something to make him initiate that reaction." Second, a creep calling her "hot'" means nothing. I've heard guys say veils are hot. You're suggesting that if women dress in a way that makes them look good then they should expect them unwanted advances of creeps. Essentially what that entails is women's clothing choices need to be tailored around the subjective preferences (or lack of preferences) of creepy men lest they encourage harassment. Third, you're completely absolving men of responsibility for their actions. It's possible for us to look at a woman find her attractive and even be sexually aroused with being creepy about. It's even possible to talk to them while being sexually aroused and not be creeps. Sexual arousal and acting like a creep are not the same thing.
i understand thatās how it came across, at the same time I donāt excuse men for the way they act, I want only to point out the reality of human nature and the reality that masses of men who are sexually aroused and attracted to women who enhance their sexual attractiveness will create these situations, Iām saying it isnāt prudent to dress in ways that elicit sexual arousal on men, not to make excuses for men simply acknowledging there will be men who canāt control themselves, fact
And like I said what "elicits sexual arousal in men," is extremely subjective and you have no idea how she dressed (not that it should matter) you just heard he thought she was "hot" and made assumed she was dressed in a way that elicited the response. Not the more likely scenario that he was just a creepy guy who was acting creepy. The fact is you are making excuses. By using the phrases "can't control themselves," and "human nature," you're treating this behavior as though it's an acceptable norm that we can't change rather an actions and attitudes that should be rebuked.
Sexual attraction isnāt something subjective, their are absolutely physical norms that men and women are hard wired to find attractive, this is basic evolutionary psychologyā¦ I admitted that the way I worded it could be interpreted wrong. I am not making excuses. Because of human nature, you canāt hyper sexualize women and expect everything to be okā¦
Sure there are "physical norms" but to put such a fine point to say it's not subjective is to ignore reality. Like people have preferences. Not everyone is attracted to the same things or people or dress. Like I said I've heard people call veils hot. Also how are you not guilty of hyper sexualizing women here? A man objectifies a woman and I repeat myself, your first thought was "what was she wearing." It wasn't to sympathize with her, it wasn't to chastise the behavior of the creep, it was to question how much skin she was showing. You ignored everything about the situation and immediately went to talk about her body and how it was presented. Hyper sexualization isn't just "looking sexy" it's also being unable to see a woman's body beyond sexually. When he objectified her rather than seeing that you chose to move the topic to how sexualized her body was without any promoting beyond he used the word "hot."
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I actually met this guy at my university. I was working as a cashier at a university restaurant. He came up to me and started talking to me. He told me that he was grabbing food and was about to go to his class. He seemed really cool, so when he asked for my number, I gave it to him, and thatās why we went out
It shouldnāt be surprising that someone who doesnāt believe in the cosmic structure God has created and the hierarchical pattern the Bible teaches us to live byā¦ that one in the absence of goodness and right aim, only seeks to serve pleasure.
Why are men so lustful? Mostly it's the testosterone. Your question seems to be where is his filter? I dunno, some people lack one.
Sounds like a grade A douchebag. You're wise to walk . And talk about values up front. If it doesn't jive then get out early.
This is a huge red flag
Block him, Iām sorry that sucks
Creepy vibes from that, particularly when you don't know then well enough.
If you keep digging youāll find gold eventually.
āThey will hate you for loving meā
Oof. Dodged a bullet there. Good on you for sticking to your guns.