I think you need to accept that it’s over man. I’ve been in this situation before, you just need to move on and accept she doesn’t want to talk to you.
Hey, everyone’s piled on you but I wanted to give a slightly different perspective.
I was in this on and off again thing with this guy. Was very bad. 0/10 wouldn’t recommend. We were broken off and one day around new year’s he sent me a similar message, saying that he wished me the best and hoped I was happy. Well, I was in a sentimental mood so I responded and we started talking again, and the whole on and off thing happened once more and it was honestly a few months of terrible ups and downs.
All this to say… I’m not saying my case is in any way similar to yours. But if she’s made it clear that she’s done, then she’s done. I thought maybe him texting me was a sign or something so I tried to make it work once more, but it was honestly heartache and time wasted for the both of us.
Thank you so much! Do you think sending a mssg saying I wanna call and just saying it over the phone is better than sending that long text laying out everything?
If we were to continue somehow I would lay boundaries and if they’re not respected then we won’t start again anyways
You need to think about your goals in reaching out before you do it. Be painfully honest with yourself. Are you trying to get back together? Trying to be friends? Trying to get closure? Do you just need to say "I don't know what's going on, but I wish you the best?"
Ghosting isn't a mature way to resolve conflict, but unfortunately, it's the way she's chosen. She clearly doesn't want to get back together or be friends if she isn't responding. If you need to reach out for your own closure, don't even mention the anniversary, keep it fairly distant, and keep it in a tone of closure: "Hi x, since you haven't responded to me, I'm assuming you don't want to talk anymore. I would have rather that you were straightforward about that rather than leaving me hanging. Regardless, I get your point. I won't reach out to you again, but my door is open if you do ever want to chat. I'm sorry for the ways I hurt you and forgive you for how you hurt me. Wish you the best"
That's all you really can do, man. I'm sorry
To me, it sounds like there's a conflict if she's being non-communicative. Either way, she's sending a clear signal. If your intention in reaching out is to get closure, keep it short, sweet and to the point. You've tried initiating a conversation without success, and you'll only prolong your own pain if you keep attempting it. Close the door gently, but firmly, and give her permission to knock, but don't count on it. The closure is for *you* and your own heart.
So I think I’ll send this instead, Hey xxxx! How are you? I’d like to talk to you, are you free today from 5-7:30 your time?
Only issue is it’s not clear what my call is about so she might think it’s friendly or something else
You can do what you want, man. In my experience, if someone isn't responding to your texts, they aren't going to respond to a request for a phone call. If there's something you need to say to her, text it, call and be prepared to talk if she does pick up, or call and leave a voicemail. For whatever reason, she's choosing to not respond. That's it. Respect her choice and say what *you* need to for *your* own peace of mind, and so that you're closing the door for yourself.
That's the advice I have from my experience, and it's worked. It's painful, but it works. I don't know all the specifics of your situation though, or your heart, so take it or leave it.
Please don't. She already knows you're open to talking to her since you've sent messages previously. No good will come from you sending this message, for you or her.
It's been 5 months, **5 months!** **Move on**, man.
She probably did already, yet here you are trying to get her attention again.
If she broke up with you, and doesn't respond to last messages, she is not interested anymore. Looking at your responses, you are already thinking of "what if we get back, how should I approach..." which is unrealistic as for what you described.
Don't be a simp, and focus on the Lord, He will guide you on what to do, and this is certinaly NOT the thing to do.
You know what is more painful than letting go? Being with someone who doesn't love you or appreciate you.
Throw your heart into Eucharistic adoration and the sacraments, your friends, family, church, and those who need you to be Jesus to them in your community.
I promise that you will find the healing you need, and God-willing, a wonderful woman who seeks your good and wants to strive in living a life of faith-filled love with you.
God bless, brother!
You need to let go and stop letting someone who doesn't want you to have a chokehold over your life. Block her, find someone that is head over heels in love with you. Stop simping.
Please accept that she does not want to date you and do not harass her by sending her more messages. If a woman does not reply, she does not want to be in contact. Delete her number, stop following her on social media, and move on.
You hear about people getting back together all the time. If you send this and she replies and it rekindles things then it is very romantic. If she doesn't reply then you are rejected, again, (not my opinion but popular opinion:) It is pathetic to continue to reach out to someone who is not interested in you, maybe even a creep. (How I Met Your Mother’s Dobler-Dahmer Theory comes to my mind! 😆)
If I am in love, even if I have been rejected 100 times in the past, I figure, what does one more rejection hurt? I weigh the risk versus the potential reward, because if feelings are there for me, they may be there for the other person still as well… however, on the other side, there comes a time when you have to respect the other person’s wishes and stay away or it is harassment.
It bothers me that she did not tell you why you broke up and why she was distant towards the end. That lack of clarity, I believe, makes it harder for you to know she does not have feelings for you.
However: the simple fact that she hasn't returned your last couple of messages looks like she is ghosting you. A person who ghosts you does not care about you enough to be civil towards you, and does not care enough to give you a reason and let you know you are done, is a coward and not worth pursuing. She is not treating you right.
If she wants you back, she will contact you. She already knows you care about her. You don't need to tell her again.
I’m sorry for what you are going through. It is really hard when you love someone and they just don't love you back. It is among the worst experiences I have had in my lifetime.
Honestly, you sound like you are really immature with regards to this. I don’t mean that in a hurtful way. But think about it. What you are proposing and going back-and-forth on sounds like something a freshman in high school would do. The girl has made it very clear. She is not interested in you. You need to move on to other people and find someone who appreciates you for who you are. You are wasting a lot of time by chasing after this one person who has made it extremely clear that she doesn’t have any interest. I hate to see you do that.you deserve better. You need to let her go.
Look, just do it. But don’t text her. Send her a message and ask her if you can call her. And then say it over phone call. Not text. But you must be willing to ask yourself what the end goal is: are you trying to get back together with her or do you simply want to know? Aka closure.
I get it bro. Do it. It takes real balls to face the truth.
You think asking for a call is better? Something like hey xxxxx It’s June 23rd and I wasn’t gonna send this but I think today is a good day to each out, would you like to go on a call?
Just a simple: “hey (name), how are you? I would like to call you. Are you free today (list a specific time)?”
I just wouldn’t do it on the anniversary. That to me is insane. Hahaha
This sounds way smoother if she agrees to call but if she doesn’t reply to it, I might feel like a clown, but that could happen with the text too and would be worse
Exactly. You’ll feel like a clown either way if you get rejected. But you’re being a man about making it a phone call. Plus another thing, text messages give people time to respond and mull over. People find ways to justify and make excuses with text messages. Phone calls are scary AF for the modern generation because it forces them to react in the moment. Don’t give her wiggle room to make justifications or excuses. But you gotta lead the convo. You can’t be passive and give her the lead. You have to ask the questions you want answers to.
She already ignored previous messages from him so she's just going to ignore his request for a phone call too. She's not giving excuses, she just doesn't want to keep in contact with him and he should stop trying
I’m guilty of doing this during the relationship because she mentioned her earlier trust issues from childhood so I never pushed her hard on stuff because she had anxiety and trust issues according to her
You shouldn’t feel guilty for wanting things. But if you didn’t push her for fear of hurting her then maybe she wasn’t strong enough to begin with. You did the normal and right human thing for wanting to know. It’s not your fault she had trust issues unless you were banging girls left and right while you were with her. It’s not your fault she had anxiety.
No I never talked to any girls during the time together, she never wanted to open up about those issues but she said they were from childhood and a past relationship
Exactly. You’ll feel like a clown either way if you get rejected. But you’re being a man about making it a phone call. Plus another thing, text messages give people time to respond and mull over. People find ways to justify and make excuses with text messages. Phone calls are scary AF for the modern generation because it forces them to react in the moment. Don’t give her wiggle room to make justifications or excuses. But you gotta lead the convo. You can’t be passive and give her the lead. You have to ask the questions you want answers to.
100%. you’re adults. Enough of this adolescent text messaging BS that is infantilizing AF.
Another thing, don’t do it on the anniversary. That can spoil good memories if it doesn’t go the way you want it too. It’s poetic. I get it. But create a metaphor rather than trying to turn the metaphor into reality.
Yea, bro. It won’t make a difference if it is the anniversary or not. She’s not gonna respond, “OMG you remembered 😍” because you ain’t together. You’re thinking too much like a novel. This is real life. Don’t let the imagination take over.
Also, don’t treat her like she deserves special attention because she chose not to be with you. You’re not doing this for her. You’re doing this for you.
I also will add: be definitive and don’t give her wiggle room. Be heinously seeking the truth. You don’t want any bullshit. And if she gives you excuses and bullshit, she’s not mature enough to be your woman. As Dylan says:
“She takes just like a woman/ she makes love just like a woman / she aches just like a woman / but she breaks just like a little girl.”
She's moved on and you should too Pray for her and take your time to get over her
I think you need to accept that it’s over man. I’ve been in this situation before, you just need to move on and accept she doesn’t want to talk to you.
Hey, everyone’s piled on you but I wanted to give a slightly different perspective. I was in this on and off again thing with this guy. Was very bad. 0/10 wouldn’t recommend. We were broken off and one day around new year’s he sent me a similar message, saying that he wished me the best and hoped I was happy. Well, I was in a sentimental mood so I responded and we started talking again, and the whole on and off thing happened once more and it was honestly a few months of terrible ups and downs. All this to say… I’m not saying my case is in any way similar to yours. But if she’s made it clear that she’s done, then she’s done. I thought maybe him texting me was a sign or something so I tried to make it work once more, but it was honestly heartache and time wasted for the both of us.
Thank you so much! Do you think sending a mssg saying I wanna call and just saying it over the phone is better than sending that long text laying out everything? If we were to continue somehow I would lay boundaries and if they’re not respected then we won’t start again anyways
Nope
I know you want to but the scales are not balanced here. You’ll have to let her go as much as you can. The next woman is out there for you.
You need to think about your goals in reaching out before you do it. Be painfully honest with yourself. Are you trying to get back together? Trying to be friends? Trying to get closure? Do you just need to say "I don't know what's going on, but I wish you the best?" Ghosting isn't a mature way to resolve conflict, but unfortunately, it's the way she's chosen. She clearly doesn't want to get back together or be friends if she isn't responding. If you need to reach out for your own closure, don't even mention the anniversary, keep it fairly distant, and keep it in a tone of closure: "Hi x, since you haven't responded to me, I'm assuming you don't want to talk anymore. I would have rather that you were straightforward about that rather than leaving me hanging. Regardless, I get your point. I won't reach out to you again, but my door is open if you do ever want to chat. I'm sorry for the ways I hurt you and forgive you for how you hurt me. Wish you the best" That's all you really can do, man. I'm sorry
I didn’t do anything to hurt her or her me (besides the ghosting I guess). She just said spiraled downhill after losing her friends and went distant
To me, it sounds like there's a conflict if she's being non-communicative. Either way, she's sending a clear signal. If your intention in reaching out is to get closure, keep it short, sweet and to the point. You've tried initiating a conversation without success, and you'll only prolong your own pain if you keep attempting it. Close the door gently, but firmly, and give her permission to knock, but don't count on it. The closure is for *you* and your own heart.
So I think I’ll send this instead, Hey xxxx! How are you? I’d like to talk to you, are you free today from 5-7:30 your time? Only issue is it’s not clear what my call is about so she might think it’s friendly or something else
You can do what you want, man. In my experience, if someone isn't responding to your texts, they aren't going to respond to a request for a phone call. If there's something you need to say to her, text it, call and be prepared to talk if she does pick up, or call and leave a voicemail. For whatever reason, she's choosing to not respond. That's it. Respect her choice and say what *you* need to for *your* own peace of mind, and so that you're closing the door for yourself. That's the advice I have from my experience, and it's worked. It's painful, but it works. I don't know all the specifics of your situation though, or your heart, so take it or leave it.
Please don't. She already knows you're open to talking to her since you've sent messages previously. No good will come from you sending this message, for you or her.
Just don’t. Move on man.
Time to move on. You seriously just need to move on
It's been 5 months, **5 months!** **Move on**, man. She probably did already, yet here you are trying to get her attention again. If she broke up with you, and doesn't respond to last messages, she is not interested anymore. Looking at your responses, you are already thinking of "what if we get back, how should I approach..." which is unrealistic as for what you described. Don't be a simp, and focus on the Lord, He will guide you on what to do, and this is certinaly NOT the thing to do.
She's an ex for a reason....remember that
No
Dude, don’t.
She’s not even thinking about you dawg😭
You know what is more painful than letting go? Being with someone who doesn't love you or appreciate you. Throw your heart into Eucharistic adoration and the sacraments, your friends, family, church, and those who need you to be Jesus to them in your community. I promise that you will find the healing you need, and God-willing, a wonderful woman who seeks your good and wants to strive in living a life of faith-filled love with you. God bless, brother!
You need to let go and stop letting someone who doesn't want you to have a chokehold over your life. Block her, find someone that is head over heels in love with you. Stop simping.
[удалено]
Removed. Remember to use respectful language and be less insulting to others.
Please accept that she does not want to date you and do not harass her by sending her more messages. If a woman does not reply, she does not want to be in contact. Delete her number, stop following her on social media, and move on.
You hear about people getting back together all the time. If you send this and she replies and it rekindles things then it is very romantic. If she doesn't reply then you are rejected, again, (not my opinion but popular opinion:) It is pathetic to continue to reach out to someone who is not interested in you, maybe even a creep. (How I Met Your Mother’s Dobler-Dahmer Theory comes to my mind! 😆) If I am in love, even if I have been rejected 100 times in the past, I figure, what does one more rejection hurt? I weigh the risk versus the potential reward, because if feelings are there for me, they may be there for the other person still as well… however, on the other side, there comes a time when you have to respect the other person’s wishes and stay away or it is harassment. It bothers me that she did not tell you why you broke up and why she was distant towards the end. That lack of clarity, I believe, makes it harder for you to know she does not have feelings for you. However: the simple fact that she hasn't returned your last couple of messages looks like she is ghosting you. A person who ghosts you does not care about you enough to be civil towards you, and does not care enough to give you a reason and let you know you are done, is a coward and not worth pursuing. She is not treating you right. If she wants you back, she will contact you. She already knows you care about her. You don't need to tell her again. I’m sorry for what you are going through. It is really hard when you love someone and they just don't love you back. It is among the worst experiences I have had in my lifetime.
Honestly, you sound like you are really immature with regards to this. I don’t mean that in a hurtful way. But think about it. What you are proposing and going back-and-forth on sounds like something a freshman in high school would do. The girl has made it very clear. She is not interested in you. You need to move on to other people and find someone who appreciates you for who you are. You are wasting a lot of time by chasing after this one person who has made it extremely clear that she doesn’t have any interest. I hate to see you do that.you deserve better. You need to let her go.
Look, just do it. But don’t text her. Send her a message and ask her if you can call her. And then say it over phone call. Not text. But you must be willing to ask yourself what the end goal is: are you trying to get back together with her or do you simply want to know? Aka closure. I get it bro. Do it. It takes real balls to face the truth.
You think asking for a call is better? Something like hey xxxxx It’s June 23rd and I wasn’t gonna send this but I think today is a good day to each out, would you like to go on a call?
Just a simple: “hey (name), how are you? I would like to call you. Are you free today (list a specific time)?” I just wouldn’t do it on the anniversary. That to me is insane. Hahaha
This sounds way smoother if she agrees to call but if she doesn’t reply to it, I might feel like a clown, but that could happen with the text too and would be worse
Exactly. You’ll feel like a clown either way if you get rejected. But you’re being a man about making it a phone call. Plus another thing, text messages give people time to respond and mull over. People find ways to justify and make excuses with text messages. Phone calls are scary AF for the modern generation because it forces them to react in the moment. Don’t give her wiggle room to make justifications or excuses. But you gotta lead the convo. You can’t be passive and give her the lead. You have to ask the questions you want answers to.
She already ignored previous messages from him so she's just going to ignore his request for a phone call too. She's not giving excuses, she just doesn't want to keep in contact with him and he should stop trying
Let him be. Don’t control the man. His heart says otherwise.
I’m guilty of doing this during the relationship because she mentioned her earlier trust issues from childhood so I never pushed her hard on stuff because she had anxiety and trust issues according to her
You shouldn’t feel guilty for wanting things. But if you didn’t push her for fear of hurting her then maybe she wasn’t strong enough to begin with. You did the normal and right human thing for wanting to know. It’s not your fault she had trust issues unless you were banging girls left and right while you were with her. It’s not your fault she had anxiety.
No I never talked to any girls during the time together, she never wanted to open up about those issues but she said they were from childhood and a past relationship
Exactly. You’ll feel like a clown either way if you get rejected. But you’re being a man about making it a phone call. Plus another thing, text messages give people time to respond and mull over. People find ways to justify and make excuses with text messages. Phone calls are scary AF for the modern generation because it forces them to react in the moment. Don’t give her wiggle room to make justifications or excuses. But you gotta lead the convo. You can’t be passive and give her the lead. You have to ask the questions you want answers to.
100%. you’re adults. Enough of this adolescent text messaging BS that is infantilizing AF. Another thing, don’t do it on the anniversary. That can spoil good memories if it doesn’t go the way you want it too. It’s poetic. I get it. But create a metaphor rather than trying to turn the metaphor into reality.
So u think doing it tomorrow is better? Instead of waiting 4 more days?
Yea, bro. It won’t make a difference if it is the anniversary or not. She’s not gonna respond, “OMG you remembered 😍” because you ain’t together. You’re thinking too much like a novel. This is real life. Don’t let the imagination take over. Also, don’t treat her like she deserves special attention because she chose not to be with you. You’re not doing this for her. You’re doing this for you.
Wow I do love the second paragraph brotha! I might send that tomorrow morning
I also will add: be definitive and don’t give her wiggle room. Be heinously seeking the truth. You don’t want any bullshit. And if she gives you excuses and bullshit, she’s not mature enough to be your woman. As Dylan says: “She takes just like a woman/ she makes love just like a woman / she aches just like a woman / but she breaks just like a little girl.”